Stroll down the NFL
Boulevard
Week 12
Okay
here is week 12 a time for Thanksgiving. A time for celebration, a time for
giving thanks for what we have, and a time for envy of what we don’t have, so hopefully
we can try to get it on Black Friday. Maybe it will be on sale for all of us
this year? Does anyone know if the Buzz Light-year footed Pajamas are on the
black Friday Sales this year? Lefty do you have your black Friday wish list?
And what is on the top of that list? No we don’t think that food is on that
list? No I don’t think you can get a live Chicken, We need to talk about your
priorities. Well let’s be a little Bye Curious this week so that we can tell
you that the Bungels are celebrating Thanksgiving a little early as Buffalo
Bills. The Beagles are off too, and the Shehawks are taking this week off too.
Lefty are you ready? Then let’s get this going again.
First up on Thursday we find that the Aints
head east to the great state of Georgia and find that the Falldowns are very accommodating. Georgia is the last of the Original 13 Colonies,
and was established in 1732, and was plagued by war from its inception. There
have been several Wars, but almost none as important as the War of Jenkins’
Ear? I attended a lecture on this war while in Georgia, however I didn’t listen
to the lecture, because it was hard to hear. It wasn’t hard to hear the Aints
as they yelled “Who dat” after the game? And who says that anyway?
Final score the Aints 17 the Falldowns 13. Looks like the
Aints can give thanks for making the playoffs they are nearly there. The Falldowns
will have to wait for next year, again.
First
on Sunday we find that the Panthers of Carolina went south to Miami. The Dolphins
headed out to a 16 to 6 lead at halftime, and then proceeded to play a
nondescript game the rest of the way.
Nothing to good nothing to bad. And they scored about the same, nothing.
Is it really a surprise that the Dolphins are 5 and 5 starting the week? Right down
the middle, stuck on the fence. Not to good, and not too bad.
Final Score the Panthers 20 the Dolphins 16. Well the
Panthers are headed to the playoffs, and the Dolphins are heading to… well
nothing to good, or nothing to bad. They will work hard to get to 500 again.
Next up
we want to talk about the Vaunted NFC North. A Black and Blue division of
punishing teams that other teams fear. A cold weather Division that can play in
any condition. So we offer the Bears of Chicago, First up in the Division this
week as they head down to St Louis. Some analysts worry about dome teams going
outdoors to play in Late November. We submit that the Bears that can’t seem to
play indoors. It wasn’t bad enough to
score only 21 points, it is that you let the Ewes score 42 on you.
Finals Score the Bears 21 the Ewes 42. Neither of these
teams are heading to the playoffs, the Bears might have a chance, unless they
continue to play Josh McCown.
So let’s stay in the tough NFC North Division for our next
game. Try to remember back when you were growing up and where you sat when your
momma called you for the Thanksgiving Day meal, who did you hope you were
sitting next to? Go ahead and think back, yes lefty this is where the harp
music is played, lots of people will say they hoped they to sit by Grandpa, or
maybe Grandma or maybe it was your favorite cousin. But you definitely did not
want to sit next to your sister if you had one right? Are we right? Come on you
can say it no one will hear you. Well this game turned into you worst
nightmare. Okay get ready. Just as dinner is over you have to lean over and
plant a very big sloppy wet kiss on your sister. That is right, you know the
kind of kiss we are talking about, the one where at first she doesn’t seem into
it, but then slowly your tongue starts to slide around in her mouth and she is
kind of enjoying it, and starts to kiss you back then. That gets you going more
and you are now determined to kiss her better than she is kissing you. When you
stop this Passionate kiss you sit up straight in your chair, the room is quite
and you realize you are sitting at the table without any clothes on. It is a
dream people. Lefty put your tongue back in your mouth please.
Final Score the Viqueens 26 the Packers 26. Yea that is
right a tie. In the NFL the only League in the world that can end in a tie. Well
the Packers might have a chance to win this division if Discount Double check
comes back. And the Viqueens are hoping that there will be a quarterback to
draft that is better than Christian Ponder. Which should not be too difficult.
So when
we ask “Why the Face” you really know what we are saying right? So Why the Face
are the NEW YORK GREEN FOOTBALL TEAM still playing Geno Smith? Well we guess he
was better this week than last, he did complete 9 passes to his team. That
would be great for a Drive, or a quarter, hell we would even take that number
in row. But total in 60 minutes of football? No we can’t condone that. THE NEW
YORK GREEN FOOTBALL had the ball for 1555 seconds, which means that Geno Smith
completed a pass every 172. 77 seconds they had the ball. In comparison Joe
Flacco’s team had the ball 3405 seconds and he completed a pass every 120.29
seconds. So I guess this evened out. Sort of.
Final Score the NEW YORK GREEN FOOTBALL 3 the Ravens 19. Both
of these teams are 5-6 which means they would need to start playing better. But
we don’t think that they will. Oh and in case you were wondering, we agree, 3
points is enough to get you this week’s Birth Canal team of the week. Congrats
Nine.
Nine and counting. That is what we are up to now. Nine games that the Texans
have lost in a row. Texans have not lost this much since the Revolutionary War
against Mexico. Hell that maybe what they need. Because if we know one thing,
it is that Wade Phillips is a lot of things, but a leader of men on the
football field as the head coach he is not. Even if all the Gods in the heavens
above came down to the field and pointed to the Houston sidelines and said you
are going to win this game, Ole Wade and his boys would figure out how to lose
it.
Final Score the Jaguars 13 Houston 6.and these teams are
fighting for a number one spot in the draft.
Boy oh
boy, now it is time to get to the Buccan game. Riding a 2 game winning streak
the Yuccanneers came to Detroit looking for a fight. Detroit fought like their lives
depended on it, but like most things in Detroit they found a way to screw it
up. REGGIE BUSH the greatest running back in the History of the NFL had 83 yard
rushing which is very good for 15 carries. But his long was 39 yards and that
makes his totals 14 carries for 44 yards and that is not too good.
Final Score the Yuccaneers 24 the Lions 21. Oh and Stafford
throwing 4 interceptions doesn’t help either. The Lions might be going to the
playoffs but they have to win their division, the Yuccaneers will be trying to
figure out what to do with the 4th pick in the draft.
Can we
slide over the AFC North now please? Baltimore is out, that leaves 3 more. And two
just happen to be playing this week. It is a sad situation that one team has to
be saddled with Brandon Weedon and Jason Campbell. With those two stooges
dropping back 52 time total can anyone see anything good happening? We can’t
either. And it looks like there were no Jr high dances again this week so big
Ben had another good game and even added a kick to his game literally he pooch
punted the ball. You know that used to be cute back in the day. Let your Quarterback
Pooch punt the ball down the field but how does that make you own punter feel? It
is not like he is going to run out on second down and try to throw the ball
right?
Final Score the Squealers 27 the Brownstains 11. It appears that
these two are not going to came it to the playoffs either.
Hey Hey
Hey Kansas City wants to play. And play they did. One thing they didn’t count
on was that The San Diego Super Chargers came to play as well. And if you give
Phillip Rivers enough time at the end of the game, and you don’t cover his wide
receivers, he might just beat you. Kansas City put that to the test and sure
enough the Chiefs got beat. After the Game Andy Reid was asked how he felt
about this game. “Well you know how you feel when realize that the Free Buffett
at the Restaurant is over and you only got one plate. Unsatisfied, that is how
I felt.”
Final Score the Super Chargers 41 the Chiefs 38. Looks like
the Chiefs will make the playoffs unless something crazy happens and the Super
Chargers maybe on the outside looking in.
Well
for 2 weeks in a row Ryan Fitzpatrick has done the impossible and won an NFL
game that he was quarterbacking in. But Titan fans please do not get excited,
you played the Raiders. And for everything you know you might as well have been
playing on the practice field alone. That would make the most sense of
Fitzpatrick being able to play this game well. With no one rushing him, or
covering his guys he was able to complete 30 of 42 passes. Not bad we guess.
That is kind of like cheering for your own kid when he gets out of bed in the
morning.
Final Score the Titans 23 the Raiders 19. Just suck Baby and
these two will be playing the wonderful board game Sorry in February.
Gloom
Despair and Agony on me, deep dark depression and excessive of misery, if it
weren’t for Bad Luck we would be the Arizona Cardinals. Well Luckily the Colts aren’t
the Cardinals but they are playing like it. It is almost like that movie where
the Aliens took the ability of the basketball players of the day and created a
super team to play against Bugs Bunny and the rest of the Looney tunes? Lefty
do you remember that one movie? Yea cause Carson Palmer is playing like he did
in Cincinnati which sounds crazy to us. I guess he had not showered enough to
get the stench of the Raiders off of him when we saw him.
Final Score the Dolts 11 the Cardinals 40. Really? Both of
these team may make the playoffs, but if the Dolts don’t right their ship, they
will be left out.
And finally
the Game of the week, the most anticipated game of this week. The Dallas
Cowgirls went to the New Jersey to play against the NEW YORK BLUE FOOTBALL TEAM
of average or just below average size. There are so many things we could point
out, so we shall number them for you. 1. When a player is on the ground he is
not down until he is touched. 2. What is up with Elisha’s Mustache? 3. The Rules
for this great game of ours are getting so confusing that even a 60 year old
insurance sales man can’t figure them out. 4 What is up with that Facial hair
on Elisha’s face? 5. Field goals never beat touchdowns unless you are tied or
behind by less than 3 points. 6. Who else is upset by that fuss on top of
Elisha’s Mouth? Now maybe we can answer them. 1 What a brain fart? If you
thought someone else touched the guy, it doesn’t hurt to touch him again. This is
not college and he is down where he falls. 2 That mustache was horrible, unless
you are planning on staring in a porn movie in the 70’s. 3. How do you get a
penalty that is accepted, and you get no yardage marked off against the other
team, and what is a catch now? We guess that a receiver must catch the ball
with his hands and fall to the ground, while not letting the ball touch the
ground in any way. Or it is incomplete. 4 That Facial hair for Elisha was terrible
some said he was growing it for Movember? Something stupid made up by Facebook
for guys who don’t want to shave for a month. Right why don’t you guys go back
to France where grooming is not as big, see Ladies Arm pits and unshaven legs,
and leave November alone. Christmas is already Screwing Thanksgiving, if you
don’t want to shave don’t shave in February at least that is a short month. 5 Field
goals to win the game is good, missed field goals to lose the game are not. Ask
a Buffalo Bills fan. 6 I think that the whole state of New Jersey should hold
Elisha down and pull out one hair per person until it is gone, or at least
everyone should get a chance to pull out one hair, then let his momma shave the
rest off. Well that should just about do it.
Final Score the Cowgirls 24 the NEW YORK BLUE FOOTBALL TEAM
of Average of just below average size 21. If either of these teams make the
playoffs we should seriously look at how the playoff teams are selected.
And finally
the game we have waited all day for, the Sunday night game. In this classic
matchup the White Bronco packed up his teepee and headed east. Only to find
that in this crazy world of ours the past is doomed to repeat itself more often
than not. After the game the White Bronco was asked how if performed. “Well, I
think I did pretty good, I just wish we would have had a better lead going into
halftime. 24 points just wasn’t enough this week.” Well that is right but 24
points was a pretty good total, and what is your record against Tom Brady? We
believe that it is Brady 9 and the White Bronco 5. That is not too impressive.
Final Score the Bronco’s 31 the Patriots 34. Both of these
teams should make the playoff, how far they go is another question for another
day.
And lastly
the Monday night affair. The 49ers traveled across the country and played in
Washington. Does this sound like it was a good thing? Jon Gruden thought that
this was going to be the greatest game ever played. What it turned into was another
defeat for a team that is searching for an identity and a coach looking for
lost glory. Which begs us to ask the question? How long is too long in the NFL?
Should there be a mandatory retirement age? Should there be an age when the NFL
should just say sorry you are too old? We do that in other professions; look at
all the retirements in your profession. Why can’t we set the age limit for
Football players at say 35 and coaches at say 60 and call it a day? What that
would do is keep fresh faces in the coaching ranks and keep the fans from
holding on to the past. Now saying that is it time for Mike Shanahan go? What
does he have in common with RG3, and if he weren’t there would RG3 be playing
hurt? Trying to make his coach happy? Well he didn’t make his coach happy this
week.
Final score the 49ers 27 the Feather not dot Native
Americans 6. The 49ers will be in if they don’t screw up and lose a time or two
more. Washington is out of the playoff picture and that might get Mike Shanahan
the boot as well.
Well that is it for us again… we hope you made you giggle a
little and maybe cringe a little as well.
And remember like we always say.
When the Saints, go marchin’ in,
Oh when the Saints go marchin’ in,
I want to be in that number
When the Saints go marchin’ in.
When the sun, begins to shine,
Oh, when the sun begins to shine,
I want to be in that number
When the sun begins to shine.
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