Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 10

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard

Week 10

 

                Well here we are week 10, a very exciting week. But before we get started we should tell you who is off this week, Cleveland will be looking for someone to replace Jason Campbell we hope.  New England is watching extra film on their next opponent’s practices. The NEW YORK GREEN FOOTBALL TEAM will be trying to Figure out what to do next. And finally the Kansas City Chiefs are trying to figure out how to stay undefeated. Now before we started we have to say that we have something big coming and it is just 10 weeks away, details to come later. So Lefty can you kick it again.

 

                So on Thursday we start in the Land of 10,000 lakes, and we were wondering if that was true or something that was passed down from generation to generation. So we had our crack research staff to do some investigation and here are their results.  There are actually more than 11,000 lakes in Minnesota some as deep as a foot, some deeper. Interesting note here that if you add up all the Shoreline in Minnesota it is more than California, Florida, and Hawaii combined. Well thank you Wikipedia. So the Feather not Dot Native Americans might have had something else on their minds as they tried to finish up this game, but what happened was not on thier agenda.

Final Score Feather not Dot Native Americans 27 the Viqueens 34 Well we don’t think that Washington thought they were going to lose this game. But alas does anything ever go Washington’s way?

 

                First up on Sunday we want to do like most people in this great country, we want to get out of New Jersey. We don’t know if it is the New Man in Charge, but it seems like no one wants to be in Jersey? Let’s talk about the game it had everything, a blocked punt returned for a touchdown, it had an interception for a touchdown. It had outstanding Quarterback play.  It hum had… Outstanding Quarterback play? These two guys together couldn’t count to 5 without taking off their shoes and socks. Combined they were 23 for 48 for 262 yards. We had 1 quarterback do that. Are you kidding us?

Final Score Raiders 20 the NEW YORK BLUE FOOTBALL TEAM 24 Well that makes 3 in a row, so we can say that a 10 and 6 record is still possible. Not Likely, but possible. Right NEW YORK BLUE FOOTBALL TEAM?

 

                Okay next up in Atlanta we think we can safely say, “If you live in Atlanta don’t book a trip to New Jersey for early February. Unless you are going to help with the relief efforts from Hurricane Sandy. Poor Matt Ryan thought that this was the season that he turned things around and started to play better in the playoffs. Well they turned it around alright. 2 wins might have been good in September through the first 3 games. But 2 wins after Halloween just plain sucks. But with your point total you did stay out of the trouble that one team suffered this week.

Final Score the Shehawks 33 the Falldowns 10 Well the Shehawks are trying to run away and hide for the rest of the division, and we can see why. Are those the ugliest uniforms you have ever seen? Oh wait, there was one worse.

 

                Well well Well, Did anyone else hear it? We heard from a very reliable source that Ben Roethlisberger wants out of Pittsburg because he doesn’t like the direction at which the team is going. Okay so let us get this straight you don’t like the way the team is going, but it has nothing to do with the way you are playing or how your teammates are playing, or your coach is coaching right? Right Big Ben? Well maybe the direction might change if they got a new Quarterback. So maybe you need a change to scenery. How would you like something a little warmer maybe near a beach somewhere? Maybe you would like to go to a team in Florida? Or maybe just maybe you should study some film and not hang out by the ladies room at the local junior high dances.

Final Score the Bills 10 the Squealers 23. Oh and Buffalo don’t think we forgot about you. But there was nothing but sad in your game today, just sad.

 

            Hail Mary, full of grace. Our Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen. The preceding prayer is brought to you by the Cincinnati Bungels; it was answered from on high when someone didn’t knock the ball down on the last play of the game. So in overtime Marvin Lewis let us why he didn’t think the Bungels were going to win, as he elected to go for it on fourth down from the Baltimore 33 and Andy Dalton threw a pass that lost 11 yards. Wow couldn’t you have just taken a knee? The Baltimore drives to the Bungel 29 and kicks the Game winning field goal.

Final Score the Bungels 17 the Ravens 20.  Just a suggestion for Marvin Lewis, if you never attempt the field goal in overtime, you will never miss it and give them good field position? Great decision.

 

                Next up we find a tough NFC North Battle with the Lions coming to the Bears Cave. Bear Head Coach. Lefty what is his name again? Oh yea Marc Trestman, and who is this guy who used to coach in the CFL? That is the Canadian Football league. That must have been what caused this crazy situation.  With the 2 minute drill coming up Trestman decided that Starting Quarterback Jay Cutler had done enough. So with the Bears down 8 the game was put in the hands of Josh McCown. What? You take out your starting Quarterback for a backup with the game on the line? We guess that is why you got the outcome you got.

Final Score the Lions 21 Da Bears 19. But hey the greatest running back in the history of the NFL had another great day; this one might go on his Hall of Fame bust. 14 carries for 105 yards. Wonderful!!

 

                If we were to tell you that Aaron Rogers was out with Discount Double check shoulder injury, and the professional football man Seneca Wallace would start in his place did anyone think he was dead? We mean honestly if we were to have played dead or alive with him we might have guessed him dead in some drug sting gone wrong with a West Virginia Small town police department. But how much of a chance would you have given the Beagles? Well consider that Nick Foles is in the middle of his 5 weeks of brilliant play he has while Michael Vick, the dog Killer is out. Then you can probably guess what happened. Yep. Seneca Wallace got hurt.

Final Score the Beagles 27 the Packers 13. Who the Hell is Scott Tolzein? And we dare anyone to name another starting Quarterback with a “Z” in their name. Well never mind we found one. Damn you NFL.com Zeke Bratkowskie. But you had to go back a ways. And you went and looked didn’t you?

 

                World this is Tavon Austin. Tavon this is the stroll. Consider that you have made it as you have made it on our radar. And now when someone looks you up they will see this blog post. So for that we say thank you. But in other news the Ewes pulled out their Tavon Austin and start to beat the Colts about the head and face until there was no more Luck. After the game Coach Chuck Pagano had this to say. “Boy he sure was fast.” We agree.

Final Score the Ewes 38 the Colts 8 Does anyone else smell that? It smells familiar, what is it? It is the sweet smell of the perfumed inner thigh of this week’s Birth Canal Team of the week, congrats to you Indianapolis.

 

                Well we guess this is the best time, so we might as well do it now. Didn’t everyone know it would happen eventually? Well it did and could it have happened to a better team? So in your Last man standing pool who had Tennessee this week? We bet there were a lot that lost this week. But one that didn’t lose was Jacksonville. We can only guess that Quarterback Chad Henne was Channeling Former Jaguar Quarterback Mark Brunel. So let’s take a look at what Henne had: 14 completions on 23 attempts for 180 yards. And what did he do in the second half? Hum Lefty, you only noted the first half stats here. Well where are the second half stats? What do you mean this is for the whole game? Oh Crap he threw for 180 yards and they won? Good Lord how bad in Tennessee? Oh did I just say that?

Finals Score the Jaguars 29 the Titans 27 We guess then that Chad Henne was channeling a dead quarterback, like hum Matt Schaub.

 

                Is this the Colin Kaepernick that Coach Harbough promised the fans when they let Alex Smith go? We don’t think so. It looks like him with all the Tattoos on his arms, but this guy doesn’t run, or throw like him. He certainly doesn’t look like the Quarterback that was some kind of a Joe Montana, and Steve Young mix. Right now he looks more like a cross of Don Majkowski and General Francisco Franco. And more on the Franco part than the Majkowski.

Final score the Panthers 10 the 49ers 9. Really 9 freaking points? WTH?

 

                So the White Bronco went to see the Super Chargers this week and it was not what those in San Diego were looking for. WE think that the Super Charger fans were looking for a little more fight out of Phillip Rivers and his bunch. What they were treated to was another White Bronco show off session. Is anyone else annoyed by the sideline reporter girl who is only there to look cute and spout off some coach speak that they told her either going into the locker room or coming out for the second half. Well this week the no name Blond want to be reporter girl got this from the White Bronco on his way to the locker room for half. “It looks like you had some tough sledding out there in the first half?” to which he retorted. “Well this isn’t the Worst sledding I have been in, have you ever tried to bobsled in New Orleans? Well let me tell you, you can’t. But I have really been playing like my brother out there. And I need to stop that right after we come back out on the field.” She smiled and tilted her head knowing and asked “So you are going to come back for the second half?” “Yes I think we will. We are only up 21 to 6. We have some more football to play.” Peyton Said “Ok. Great” she said. I think the fans will be looking forward to that.”

Final Score the Bronco’s 28 the Super Chargers 20. Well of coarse the fans are looking forward to a second half. Why does anyone let her go off script?

 

                Is there any reason to mention this game last for Sunday day games? Sure, what is the difference in watching grass grow or ice melt on a 33 degree day? They both kind of suck right? So if you put the Texans in a dog fight with the Cardinals, then it suddenly becomes something much different. This did too, so if you were looking to watch people wander around like they had never been in a Dillards, then check out the highlights of this game. If there are any. One more thing, are the Arizona Black on Black uniforms the worst in the NFL?

Final Score the Texans 24 the Cardinals 27. If we could say retards on the football field we would have to describe this game, but we can’t so we will not. Sorry.

 

                Finally what we have been waiting all day for, night.  Is it just us or is everything about this extravaganza just about 100% too much. From the Highlight show before the game to the spoon of peanut butter they put on the roof of Tony Dungy’s mouth to Rodney Harrison. Does someone tell that guy that his only job on the set is to disagree with everyone? I heard on the Show someone says to him “Hey Rodney it is a great day to be here isn’t?” to which he said why would you say something like that. It is night time not day. I mean all I am trying to say is that you said it was a great day, and all I am trying to say is that it is night.” Well the only thing worse than this crew, all 17 of them, is having to get your nose rubbed in the carpet after you just took a steaming dump. That is what happened to the cowgirls. We could point to a lot of things like 0 for 9 on third downs for the game, 9 first downs, imagine that for a second, your team had the ball for just over 20 minutes and you could only muster 9 first downs. Sickening if you ask us. If you didn’t see it, let us tell you about when Jerry Jones went to shake hands with Saint defensive Coach Rob Ryan after the game. Ryan grabbed Jones by the back of the neck and proceeded to pull his pants off, and to what did our wondering eyes behold? A pair of pink frilly panties.

Final Score the Cowgirls 17 the Saints 49. Hang a half a hundred on your opponent and you can show everyone in the Stadium their pink panties if you want to.

 

                And finally on Monday with the controversy of the Richie Incognito hanging over the Dolphins head like the albatross of those new uniforms, we find old Richie had to come on TV and tell us how he is not a racist. Just because I sent Jonathan Martin a text that said “hey you F***ing N&&&&R I am going to kill you and your family” That doesn’t mean I am a racist. We talk like that in the locker room. That is a culture that you guys don’t know anything about. It doesn’t mean anything. Everyone uses the N word in the locker room and most people just laugh it off Jonathan decided to cry. But he is my best friend; I would never do anything to hurt his feeling. So we sent out our crackerjack research department to investigate. They apparently visited at least one 8^th grade junior high school locker room where the N word was used like any other word. When we asked, we were told that the N Word is said all the time, mostly by the African American players, said to the other African American players. So we ask you to search your heart, and if the N word offends you then you should not use it. If it offends you to hear it, then let’s request that we remove the word from the dictionary okay because no one really uses the dictionary. Huh, hum, Does anyone know that word that they took out of circulation a couple of years ago, remember? Oh yea the Yuccaneers own their first game this week as well.

Final score the Dolphins 19 the Yuccaneers 22 oh shoot what was that word? One second let us look it up. It should be right here on the internet….

 

Well that will just about do it for us this week. Remember we are just 10 weeks away from a milestone. We hope you enjoyed this as much as we did.

And remember like we always say.

 

Skol Viqueens, let’s win this game,
Skol Viqueens, honor your name,
Go get that first down,
Then get a touchdown.
Rock ‘em . . . Sock ‘em
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Go Viqueens, run up the score,
You’ll hear us yell for more. . .
V-I-Q-U-E-E-N-S
Skol, Viqueens, let’s go!