Stroll down the NFL
Boulevard
Week 13
Well
here we are week 13, and what a week, with games spread out from Thursday to
Monday. It is crazy. Games on a holiday, and finally everyone has gotten all caught
up and guess what there are no more teams or fans that are bye curious this
week. So Lefty if you will, kick it in that special way that you do.
First
up we find the Detroit Lions with so much to give thanks for, that they might
as well have taken out a ball peen hammer on the heads of the Packers and
smashed their tiny little skulls in. With everyone everywhere up in arms about
bullying why didn’t anyone use this game as an example? America is built on the
destruction of others so we guess that makes Detroit the most destructive of
all and they treated the Packer like a tribe of Indians sent to Michigan for
the first Thanksgiving. And who helped Detroit to this dominate performance? In
a word, REGGIE BUSH. He was named the Thanksgiving game Joe Buck and Troy
Aikman affectionaly known as “JOY” player of the game. And with stats like this
who could argue. REGGIE BUSH had 20 carries for 117 yards not bad. And he had 5
receptions for another 65 yards. But he had 2 fumbles so we guess you can take
the good with the bad huh?
Final Score the Packers 10 the Lions 40. After the game in
an interview with “JOY” REGGIE was asked how he felt about being named the
Player of the game. He responded “It was an exciting game and I was glad to be
a part of it. If I had one wish in the world it would be that the guys who
voted me to have this award could have seen the game? I heard they were
upstairs and I think that means they are in Heaven right? So I hope they can
see me play one day and that they have pumpkin pie in heaven too. I like
Pumpkin pie. You could hear the announcers shake their heads.
Next up
the afternoon game between the Cowgirls and the Raiders. This game was the cure
for that over eating that everyone did, as the Cowgirls fumbled the opening
kickoff and the Raiders returned it for a touchdown. Great Dallas is down
before anyone can take a snap from center. The Raiders may have found a keeper
in their Quarterback McLovin who had a great day. What? Is name isn’t McLovin,
well what is it? McGlovin, well that doesn’t sound like what they were calling
him on the broadcast. What? McGloin like a loin? Okay, so I guess the Cowgirls
liked their halftime show, a lip-syncing underage girl strutting around in
tight fitting leather hot pants. That will get people out to the salvage Army
wont it. We are not sure that makes anyone want to put another quarter in the
red kettle and listen to the bell ring. Huh the Raiders just came out in the second
half and could not muster anything on the offensive side of the ball and the
Cowgirls did. That is weird.
Final Score the Raiders 24 the Cowgirls 31. Just suck baby
was in full force.
And
finally at night the game that no one cared about until it was too late. We can
only guess that all that Turkey had its effect on the Squealers. And lets us
just say that usually the Squealers and the Ravens play a hard hitting style of
football that is just this side of dirty. With both teams getting in their
share of hard hits. And we want to get this straight, you can kick 5 field
goals and run a Kickoff back and that is all the offense you can muster, and
you win? We guess when you play the Squealers anything is possible. Oh yea and
Coach Tomlin, you know where you are supposed to be right? You know you are not
supposed to be on the field during a kickoff right? And if you know where you
are supposed to be then get your ass over there. We are so tired of your Jack
ass act. It has grown as tiresome as your press conference after each game. If
the NFL was smart they would make an example of you like suspending you for 10
games and taking away 4 draft picks. That should do it. Get where you are
supposed to be and start coaching.
Final Score the Squealers 20 the Ravens 22. Because we have
said this before coach Tomlin, God doesn’t like ugly, and right not you are
like medusa.
Okay
first up on Sunday we find the Titans in a grudge match with the Colts. The
Colts pulled out all the stops as they ran their secret weapon on the field for
field goal after field goal until the Titans waved a white flag. Each time the
Adam Venatieri kicked one through the upright it was Titan coach Mike Munchak
getting kicked in his up right. Ryan Fitzpatrick showed while he is a capable
backup quarterback and why he will fold
when the pressure is on him like trying play in 4 games in a row.
Final Score the Titans 14 the Colts 22. Can the Colts Hold
on? They have a three game with 4 to play?
Next up
on Sunday we head to Cleveland and find that the Jaguars are heading to the
mistake by the lake. We like it when there is something on the line during a
game, right? Not just pride, but something that can be more than pride,
positioning, let’s say? We like it if it is a playoff position that is in
doubt, or a seating that can be up for grabs. What we don’t like is if the
position being fought for is a draft pick, and clearly this game was about who
will get the fourth pick in the draft. Wonderful. Okay Cleveland with your
fourth pick in the draft you should pick a quarterback, because this Brandon
Weedon experiment is over.
Final Score the Jaguars 32 the Brownstains 28. We think
everyone would agree that the Weedon experiment is a bust, but you have to go
through some bad time to get to the good times. But who knew the bad times
would be this bad.
Now time
for the Buccan game. And just like the Weedon Experiment is over so should the
Mike Glennon one. Times are tough and something’s are making time even tougher.
One of those things is the poor play by the quarterbacks on Sundays. Mike
Glennon could be a great guy, we don’t know but we do know that he had an
interception and fumble and 5 sacks. And for us that is too much. He had 14
completions for the whole game are you kidding us?
Final Score the Yuccanneers 6 the Panthers 27. Nice win
again for the Panthers. We will see how you do over the new few weeks.
And now
for the Game in Houston. Are the New England Patriots and their coach cheaters?
If by cheaters you mean that they study the practices of the other team? Then
yes we think they are cheaters. But if by cheaters you mean they are just
better than the other team they are facing? Then yes they are cheaters as well.
But in today’s NFL who is not better that the Houston Texans? Right now
everyone is better than the Houston Texans and that makes them yelling the cheating
thing just a little sad. One member of the Texans said it was like they knew
what we were going to do before we knew what we were going to do. Huh Kind of
like in that movie when the Old guy said “these are not the droids you are
looking for” and one storm trooper looked at the other storm trooper and said
“These are not the droids we are looking for.”
Final score the Patriots 34 the Texans 31. In the Locker
room after the game Interim Head Coach Wade Phillips read a note aloud, “This
was not the team we were going to beat today.” Signed Bill Belacheat.
When
does Minnesota win a game? A. When they kick a field goal on the last play of
overtime. B. When Adrian Peterson rushes for 211 yards in an overtime game? C.
When they understand that kissing their sister is not a pleasant thing to do.
That is right boys and girls. Option number C. There are a lot of long and lonely nights in
Minnesota. And we don’t think we want to go back down that road again do we? So
they have won another game, how sad that is. And they are now starring the
number 6 pick right in the face. Maybe a quarterback, but knowing the Viqueens
they will pick a right guard.
Final Score Da Bears 20 the Viqueens 23. Oh and Bears fans
you have two less as Boo boo and Cindy bear have left the cave.
So the Beagles win again to keep up with the
Cowgirls. Wow now that is a race. This is like watching the Special Olympics
meet. Or possibly a spelling bee for kindergartens. Neither is going to be fun,
but they both maybe funny. We were told this joke this week and we think it is
appropriate here. As a comedian was on a plane with some mentally handicapped
folks, the pilot can on the load speaker and said that one engine had caught on
fire, they were able to put it out and everything is okay, but as a precaution
the Airport was going to flood the runway with foam and there would be Fire
trucks on the scene just in case. A Hush fell over the passengers until one in
the back spoke up and said “Fiwere twucks? Did he say Fiwere twucks? That will
be cool I like Fiwere twucks!”
Final Score the Cardinals 21 the Beagles 24. Yes Fiwere
twucks are very cool.
Next we
head to land of good and plenty. You might also know this land as New Jersey.
So last weeks perfumed inner thigh was exposed to show us that is had a NEW
YORK FOOTBALL GREEN TEAM on it. And this week if we checked the other inner
thigh we find another huge green blob, that might just be an infected mole.
Geno Smith may qualify as an infected mole, but he was extracted and replaced
with Matt Sims. Oh how the fans, if there were any, must have jumped for joy
when that happened. This will probably not be a difficult question; Like to
have you will have to discuss the Cover 2 Defense. You will not have to describe
the date at which the Pistol formation came into existence. But what you will
have to do is try to figure out what 10 first downs, 177 total yards with 3
turnovers and 7 punts are?
Final Score the Dolphins 23 the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GREEN TEAM
3. There have been only a couple of back to back Birth canal Teams of the week.
And it looks like this team is going for Birth canal Team of the Month. They
better load up on more perfume is all we can say.
It
looks like Buffalo is trying that international experiment again. They played
in Toronto again. And if that wasn’t bad enough this game went to overtime. It
looks like the Manual Labor laws in Canada are not much different than in
Buffalo. Because EJ Manual can’t play in Canada either. Nothing makes the fans
crazier than scoring 31 points and Losing. Luckily the fans in the stands thought
they were watching a Goo Goo Dolls tour so they weren’t really upset about the
sad play.
Final Score the Falldowns 34 the Bills 31. Well the
Falldowns had to leave the country to get a win. Wonderful, we here London is
looking for a team.
Are the
49ers finally getting it together? Well if they are do are they going to know
where they are going to put it? Well it looks like Colin Kaepernick is playing
better which will bode well for the 49ers’ Chances at a playoff spot in
Philadelphia or possibly Dallas. Kellen Clemons proved once again that he
cannot put a team on his back and carry them to a win. That got us to wondering
what Clemons could carry to a victory.
Maybe a Backpack full of feathers? Maybe the playbook of the St Louis
Billikens? Maybe he can’t carry anything to a victory? And the Ewes do what
they do best Travel, Warm up and lose.
Final score the Ewes 13 the 49ers 23. What a nice way to end
a trip out West, Not.
Now why
wasn’t this game played on Thursday? This would have been perfect? Cincinnati
and San Diego on a beautiful day. With the sun shining and warm weather and all
the excitement of watching paint dry.
Really if you weren’t a fan of either of these teams would anyone really
care what happened? This might be the game you put on the TV so your wife could
nap on the couch on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Just so you could sleep as well.
And when you woke nothing would have really changed. Wow all the excitement
that 27 points and 8 punts can provide was provided in this game.
Final Score the Bungels 17 the Super Chargers 10. Whew… Glad
that one is over.
And finally the game that would finally decide the supremacy
of the AFC West. Not since the days of the Orange Crush Defense and the Hank
Stram lead Chief Offense would there be a game of such magnitude in Kansas
City. Oh maybe a Barbeque rib eating contest between the Chiefs offensive line
and head Coach Andy Reid might come close. But today’s day belonged to the
White Bronco once again. He was asked after the game what did while he was a
child, did he always have a football in his hands. “No before we moved to New
Orleans so my father could play football I played with some blocks. I was real
good with them and built this little city with them and stuff. I didn’t get to
bring them with us because so many people had moved into the little houses. I
heard that the town now has over 600,000 people living in it.”
Final Score the Broncos 35 the Chiefs 28. Andy Reid still
can’t get over the hump. Or does he look like Humpty dumpty? Gosh I hope he
doesn’t fall.
And
Finally on Sunday night the Battle between two struggling teams from the NFC
East. Apparently this game is getting too difficult to count to 4 or to count
to 10. And by the looks of it no one seems to know what is going on. Come on
people the game is not that hard you have 4 snaps of the ball to gain 10 yards,
or 30 feet, or 360 inches. At Half time Tom Coughlin had this to say to his
team. “It
all comes down to today, and either, we heal as a
team, or we're gonna crumble. Now I can't do it for ya, I'm too old. I look
around, I see these young faces and I think, I mean, I've made every wrong
choice a middle-aged man can make. I, uh, I've pissed away all my money,
believe it or not. I chased off anyone who's ever loved me. And lately, I can't
even stand the face I see in the mirror. You know, when you get old, in life,
things get taken from you. I mean, that's... that's... that's a part of life.
But, you only learn that when you start losin' stuff. You find out life's this
game of inches, so is football. Because in either game - life or football - the
margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early and
you don't quite make it. One half second too slow, too fast and you don't quite
catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They're in every break
of the game, every minute, every second. On this team we fight for that inch.
On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that
inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when add up
all those inches, that's gonna make the difference between winning and losing!”
Final Score the NEW YORK BLUE FOOTBALL
TEAM of average or below average size 24 the Feather not dot Native Americans
17. Inches everywhere? Really?
And
on Monday Night we find that the New Orleans Saints took their Voo Doo up to
the Northwest, and guess what it didn’t work. Nothing works up there. Not the
Opponents game plan, not the opponents Defensive plans. Not even the hotdog
vendors work. Does anyone really want to go to the Northwest to play football? Thanks
goodness this game is over.
Final score the Aints 7 the Shehawks 34.
And the Superbowl will go thru the Northwest, isn’t that great? Just great…
Well that will do it for us again this
week… We hope you have enjoyed this as much as we have.
And remember like we always say…
Flying High,
Fierce pride in our eye,
The Ravens of Baltimore.
On dark wings we fly,
Honor bound for the sky,
Over Maryland we’ll always soar.
For Glory we vie,
And our town will stand high,
To our foes we say "Nevermore!"
‘Cause it’s FIGHT, FIGHT,
With all of our might,
For our old Baltimore!
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