Well who would have believed that it only took 11 weeks to get to week 11? Oh wait, we guess that it should take about 11 weeks to get to week 11 huh? Anyway let’s start by talking about who didn’t play this week. Oh wait everyone was on the schedule this week, but did everyone play? Let’s get started, Expo Kick it!!!
First up we will start on Thursday. Okay NFL we get it you want to promote your product to the world 2 million people at a time. But if you continue to put games on television on Thursday when no one is expecting it, then no one is going to watch. Hell Miami didn’t even leave Florida for this game. It was like they didn’t even get on the plane to Chicago. They don’t have a quarterback to speak of as Tyler “The pig” Thigpen is now the starter. He went 17 for 29 for 187 yards and an interception. We probably would have been bored if we would have watched the game but we didn’t remember that it was on.
Final Score Da Bears something the Dolphins nothing.
Up next we head to Sunday and the bottom again, and how could we have been so wrong? The San Francisco 49ers are done stick a fork in them. Come on everyone grab a fork and start poking all that needs to happen now is Head Coach Mike Singletary get fired. His words have been falling on deaf ears for several weeks now. We thought that the men playing there would have at last tried but after this week we can tell that all the coaching, reasoning, screaming, and trying to build them up as men should be just about over now. The only thing left is the insertion of a new coach. We don’t know if they will be a stiff and hard as Coach Mike. But hey everyone wants to be like Mike right?
Final score the Buc’s 21 the 49ers nothing. Oh and yes all the innuendo’s above are our little way of saying. “Hey San Francisco you are this week’s Birth Canal team of the week…
Staying near the bottom we find the Raiders visiting the Pittsburg Steelers. The return of one of the most fierce battles of the 70’s which actually turned into a big fizzle. Watching this game was like watching reruns of Bonanza on TV Land. We mean everyone remembers the show but do you remember the plot theme? Okay Ben (Lorene Green) and Adam (Pernell Roberts) would be gone selling horses or cows or Ling Su the cook, and Hoss and Little Joe would do something stupid like step on some gunslingers foot. Then there would be some sort of fight, and Ben and Adam would show up and save the day Yahoo!!! So in the game Imagine that the Steelers are Ben and Adam and they are running around scoring like cattlemen at the cattle Barons Ball, and the Raiders are the gunslingers going to town for a bath and night with a gal in Saloon. When someone stepped on Richard Seymour s foot. So he punched the closest guy. It just happened to be Big Ben Roethlisberger. We are so glad that everyone has the upmost respect for Seymour as he took a swing at Ben and knocked him to the floor.
Final Score the Raiders 3 the Steelers 35 We think that big Ben said something about Seymour’s sister but we can neither confirm nor deny that.
Next we will stay near the bottom and find the Green Bay Packers visiting the Viqueens of Minnesota. 2 weeks ago fresh off getting Wade Phillips fired from his cushy Dallas Cowpies head coaching job the Packers had a team meeting. Some asked what we they had to do to get another Coach fired? Well a few of the players texted Brett Favre and asked what can we do to help you get rid of “Chilly”. Brett responded “Well Fellows I have this one sewn up like a guy with a colostomy bag” then he texted the guys a picture of his scrotum and took another vicadin. In a game where the unretireable Brett Favre went 17 to 38 for 208 yards and another interception it was Brett holding the nail while someone else used a hammer to nail the coffin shut. Brett said it best himself.
Final Score the Packers 31 the Viqueens 3. “I think we all, starting with me, could have done more to make this a successful season” We think you think it is a successful season now that Brad Childress is gone.
And now we will remind you of that time when you were in a grocery store and some woman is trying to make a point to the screaming child in her cart that the child can’t have what they want. The child just keeps screaming and screaming and it is so annoying. You know what we mean? And no matter where you go in the store you can hear the kids screaming because it seems like there is some sort of tether hooked to you and this child? Welcome to Jeff Fischer’s world. Vince Young has been told his entire life that he is the best thing ever. Well, can we be the second one to tell you Vince Young you suck. Oh wait we can’t say that can we…
Final Score the Deadskins 19 the Titans 16. Hey we have a Vince young Jersey going Cheap, and a pair of Shoulder pads too…
Now we will head to Kansas City home of the Chiefs. Okay we are bracing ourselves for the fall the Chiefs are about to be on. But at 6 and 4 the fall will not be too far. But this week against the freaking Cardinals they couldn’t help but win. The Cardinals still have no quarterback unless you count Derek Anderson, and still counting him gets you to Zero. In trying to find something nice about this game we can’t think of a thing so we will say…
Final Score the Cardinals 13 the Chiefs 31. Well the kickers had a good day. We Guess…
Next let’s get to something interesting. Well before that let’s talk about the Panhandlers and the Ravens. Hum what can we say at Brian St Pierre, the new Panhandler quarterback that hasn’t already been said? Well he is French American or Canadian we think. He likes those thin Pancakes we think they are called crepes maybe? He likes French toast and French fries. Oh yea he likes to throw the ball to the other team for touchdowns. We guess that is how it is done in France???
Final Score the Panhandlers 13 the Ravens 37. Quote the Ravens again…
When we talked about the Jacksonville Jaguars we thought they were heading to the bottom, but after a three game winning streak they are atop the AFC South. That is a feat in itself. The Brown-Stains however are still the Brown stains and that means that they are still a few years away. But with Colt “The Real “McCoy under center even Eric Mangenius can’t screw this up. But for now Jags Coach Jack Del Rio is safe.
Final Score the Brown stains 20 the Jags 24. But is the Mangenius safe?
Up next we find 2 teams going in opposite directions. The New York Football J E T S invited the Houston Texans to the Meadowlands for a torrid affair. Houston thought that with Matt Schaub at the controls their offense would be okay. Well if okay is losing your last four games in a row then they are just fine. As much as Gary Kubiak tries he has no other option but Matt Schaub, too bad that option is going to get him fired. The J E T S however are not going to fire their head coach Rex Ryan no matter what he does. J E T S quarterback Mark Sanchez dirtied a few upper lips this week as he lead the winning drive in overtime.
Final Score the Texans 20 the J E T S 26. 4 game winning drives in the fourth quarter or overtime. Shouldn’t you be ahead before then?
Up next we head down to Big D home of the little c, for Cowpies. This week Jason Garrett was going for 2 wins in a row. And since the Lioness’ have not won a game on the road since George Bush was in office it is highly likely that the cowpies would get a win. After Jon Kit-Kat Kitna ran one in from 29 yards out, and tied a Cowpie record of longest touchdown by a quarterback, the Cowpies could finally taste a victory at home. But don’t get so excited Cowpie fans your team as only won 3 games…
Final Score the Lioness 19 the Cowpies 35. Should we move them from Cowpies back to Cowgirls??? Not just yet…
So is Buffalo drinking the ripple or what? After winning their first game of the season last week, this week they come out and look like hammered dog crap against the Bunguls (We guess they were playing down to their competition) after a halftime lead of 31 to 14 the Bunguls went in to halftime with thoughts of winning. But the second half seemed to be there demise. A Fumble, 2 Interceptions, a punt, a missed field goal, and a turn over on downs doesn’t appear to be putting up much of a fight. But then when have the Bunguls put up much of a fight.
Final Score the Bills 49 the Bunguls 31. Unscrew the Ripple again Boys it is a great night in Canada…
And now we will head down to New Orleans. It looks like the aints are learning to play without Reggie Bush. He has a broken leg as we all know. We don’t know when he will be coming back but maybe it will be soon. 2 more interceptions for Brees, which will not bode well for the future. But this week they were playing the SheHawks so we think we all know what happened. The SheHawks went to the stadium and played hard for about a quarter then when out to the French quarter stripped down to a halter top and slipped on some high heels and in their best French accent propositioned some young sailor home on leave.
Final Score the SheHawks 19 the Aints 34. ARRGGG we can’t get that visual out of our heads now…
Well now it is time to talk about Slinging Sammy Bradford. The Lambs are better that last year that is for sure, but a playoff team, let’s hold that talk for a few weeks. Not sure what they are smoking in St Louis but the playoff pipe is not loaded yet. Speaking of loaded the Falldowns were loaded bear on Sunday, well maybe they were loaded for lamb. The Falcons got them some nice Lamb chops, when they swooped into Sweet St Louie.
Final score the Falldowns 34 the Lambs 17. Hey Lambs you have to score more than 7 points in the second half.
When the Colts headed into the game on Sunday Peyton Manning was heard before the game on his cell phone “Dad? Yea this is Peyton, your favorite son. What would you say if I played like Ellie?” On the other end of the phone he hears “Son you can’t. I couldn’t stand it.” To which Peyton replied “Dad, I just can’t do it this weekend. I feel a real Ellie coming on. You know I have not had one of those in a while. Not since like Junior high.” And the Peyton went out and threw 4 touchdowns and 3 interceptions. He looked more like his sister than he has in a while.
Final Score the Colts 28 the Pats 31. Even with 3 turnovers the Pats could only win by 3 points. Interesting???
And Finally the night game on Sunday night We don’t have a lot to say about this game except that Michael the Dog Killa Vick played and for that reason we didn’t support him, the sponsor’s or NBC or Stupid Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth. Do they grate on anyone else’s last nerve like ours? After the Ellie was heard talking on the phone “Yea Mom it was a rough day out there today. I had 3 interceptions and only 2 touchdowns. Dad said what?” then he listened very carefully to the voice on the other end. “Well dear your father talked to your brother and he said that he was playing like you this week. Your brother threw 3 interceptions in his game today like you did. But he did throw 4 touchdowns are you going to do that again? Look we are getting old and we need more Super bowl games than just the three you guys have given us. We need a little more than that okay? Do you understand me mister?” As the Tears began to run down his face Ellie said “Yes Ma’am I will try harder”
Final score the G-Aints 17 the Beagles 27. Man Moms can be harsh right?
On Monday we find an old school AFL West Matchup as the San Diego Chargers invited the Denver Broncos to town. In a classy fashion the Chargers allowed the Bronco’s to score first and last, but nothing in the middle. That kind of reminds of a Jam sandwich we had a kid. You know what we are talking about right??? When you took two pieces of Bread and jammed them together to make a sandwich right? They were great, Ah the memories from childhood. Nothing beats that right? And nothing beats the Chargers this week as they win their third straight for a 5 and 5 record. Watch for them in the playoffs...
Final score the Bronco’s 14 the Chargers 35… 10 games and TIM TEBOW has 31 yards total. Wow what production from a first round pick??
Well that is it for this week. We hope everyone is getting ready for Thanksgiving. We know we are. Lots of food to eat and lots of things to be thankful for, too many to mention hear… Tune in Next week...
And remember like we always say….
Well, I quit my job down at the car wash,
Left my mama a goodbye note,
By sundown I'd left Kingston,
With my guitar under my coat,
I hitchhiked all the way down to Memphis,
Got a room at the YMCA,
For the next three weeks I went huntin' them nights,
Just lookin' for a place to play,
Well, I thought my pickin' would set 'em on fire,
But nobody wanted to hire a guitar man.
Well, I nearly 'bout starved to death down in Memphis,
I run outta money and luck,
So I bought me a ride down to Macon, Georgia,
On a overloaded poultry truck,
I thumbed on down to Panama City,
Started pickin' out some o' them all night bars,
Hopin' I could make myself a dollar,
Makin' music on my guitar,
I got the same old story at them all night piers,
There ain't no room around here for a guitar man
We don't need a guitar man, son
So I slept in the hobo jungles,
Roamed a thousand miles of track,
Till I found myself in Mobile Alabama,
At a club they call Big Jack's,
A little four-piece band was jammin',
So I took my guitar and I sat in,
I showed 'em what a band would sound like,
With a swingin' little guitar man.
Show 'em, son
If you ever take a trip down to the ocean,
Find yourself down around Mobile,
Make it on out to a club called Jack's,
If you got a little time to kill,
Just follow that crowd of people,
You'll wind up out on his dance floor,
Diggin' the finest little five-piece group,
Up and down the Gulf of Mexico,
Guess who's leadin' that five-piece band,
Well, wouldn't ya know, it's that swingin' little guitar man.
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