Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 10 2010

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 10 2010

Hello everyone it is time again for your weekly look at the NFL through my crooked eye. First we should talk about the teams that didn’t play; First up the Oakland Raiders are basking in the glow that is a 3 game winning streak, with or without a conscience Al Davis, 3 is more still more than 2 any day of the week and twice on Sunday. The Chargers are trying to find some class in San Diego, and New Orleans is trying to find a few more people to wear Drew Brees Jersey’s for that stupid commercial. And finally the Green Bay Packers are trying to clean up Mr. Rogers’ neighborhood. So if we are ready and Expo is ready, then let’s get it going today. Kick it Expo!!!

First up in their infinite wisdom the NFL scheduled a game on Thursday. What the hell? Did anyone see the game? We heard that it was on the NFL network with coverage going to about a million homes in America. Wow what a way to market your product. Well the best thing we can say about this game is that we had no idea that it was on. If we had known about it we would have watched even it was a game that the Falldowns were playing.
Final Score the Ravens 21 the Falldowns 26. Oh wait the Falldowns were playing. Crap...

Up next we will travel to the windy city and start at the bottom. Well maybe we shouldn’t say that bottom, because you never know when Brett Favre is going to bare his old gray butt. Favre had the kind of days people dream about. He was 18 for 31 for 170 yards and three interceptions. We know we have been dreaming about a game like this for Favre for a while. The only thing that could make this game any better is if the great Brett Favre had thrown an interception on his last pass. Head Coach Brad “Chilly Chill” Childress is the next one due in front of the firing squad and personally we don’t think it could happen to a nicer fella. This Jack ass hitched his wagon to an old gray mule and you all know what we are talking about. This Old gray mule, she aint what she used to be.
Final Score the Viqueens 13 Da bears 27. Oh wait as we look over the game log Brett’s last pass was intercepted, what a great day after all.

Next we will stay near the bottom. And we will find the Carolina Panhandlers. Coach John Fox was seen before game on the street corner looking for a quarterback. His best Quarterback is now out poor Matt Moore got injured, and now he is left with Jimmy “the pickle” Clausen. Tampa Bay Buc’s defensive Tackle Gerald McCoy was heard on the sidelines talking to fellow defensive player Barrett Ruud when he said “Hey dad when you gonna eat that pickle?” Ruud replied right now and sacked Clausen again. The only coach to jump in front of Chilly Chill maybe John Fox, he doesn’t even need a cigarette to smoke before he gets fired.
Final Score the Panhandlers 16 the Buc’s 31. Another nice win for Tampa Bay what is going on down there?

Up next we will talk about the Bunguls and the Colts. Carson Palmer has so many targets we think he gets confused. Every week he seems to have several passes to the other team; (we call them interceptions where we are from). After the game Peyton was heard on the phone “Hey Mom, is dad at home? I just wanted to check in with him. Well, yea. I know that Eli is about to start I just wanted to make sure that dad knew it.” From the other end of the phone Peyton heard. “Well that was quite a game you had there son. Who do you think you are? Jason Campbell? With no touchdowns it was almost like you weren’t even on the field.” TO which Peyton replied “I know dad but I didn’t throw any passes to the other team. Can Nick Lachey do that?”
Final Score the Bunguls 17 the Colts 23. No Nick Lachey Can’t do that either.

As a public Service announcement we have to issue this warning message before we start this game most games in over time are okay, you feel the desperation in each team and as each play unfolds the players and coaches begin to feel the chocking as the noose gets tighter and tighter around their throats. They don’t want to be the one who makes a mistake and allows the other team to win. But this game took too long to play 75 minutes of the Brown Stains on the field is about 70 minutes too long. And you knew that they were going to screw something up right? As sure as we were that Shannon Sharpe was going to say something stupid we knew that the Brown Stains were going to screw it up. Brown Stains Head Coach summed it up this way, “We can play with anybody and fight with anybody,”
Final Score the J E T S 26 the Brown Stains 20 Sure you can play with anyone, but can you play? That is the question.

Now we have to talk about Randy Moss’ Day, his first day with the Titans and their revolving quarterback situation. Kerry Collins is okay he completed 9 passes in 20 attempts for 51 yards, oh wait maybe that wasn’t that good. Vince young completed 9 passes in 18 attempts for 91 yards. Still not very good. But Randy Moss had to make an impact; because that is what he does he makes an impact. Let’s look at his day; 1 catch for 26 yards. Hum we have seen better impact watching 3 year olds stomp on bugs. What the Hell? 1 catch for 26 yards?
Final Score the Titans 17 the Dolphins 29. Well we guess that is why he is on his 3rd team this season.

Up next we find that it was not Matt Schaub that screwed up it was Glover Quin. WE have only one thing to say to say to him. KNOCK IT DOWN. DON’T KNOCK IT TO THE OTHER TEAM. After the game we heard Glover say to a reporter “And that is why Teal makes me sad I think” The reporter was heard saying “Well maybe we should roll on over to the mambie Pambie practice field and teach you how to KNOCK IT DOWN you Jack Wagon.
Final Score the Texans 24 the Jags 31. Houston has lost 3 in a row, and they are now 4 and 5. After Beating the Colts on opening day they are 3 and 5. Hey it is just math people…

Someone pop the Ripple, pop the ripple? Maybe unscrew the ripple? The Bills win a game. The Bills win a game. So Coach Chan Gailey is trying to do the same thing he did last week to continue the winning streak. And we have a copy of his list of things he did: 1 carry a rabbit’s foot in his pocket 2. Nail a horse shoe to the wall. 3 find a four leave clover. 4 Rub the top of Ron Howards head. 5 try to find the Lions on this year’s schedule again. Well that throws the NFL’s draft into quandary as now the Bills and Carolina are both tied with one win.
Final Score the Lion’s 12 the Bills 14. Well the Lions and the Cowpies both have 2 wins so they are close to the #1 draft pick.

And now…. Here is the TIM TEBOW show. Apparently 21 to nothing is enough points to get TIM TEBOW into the game this week. And 5 yards is all he could muster. Wow we see why he was put into the game, with 5 yards or production this week he now has 31 for the season. Such production we can’t even comment. We did hear this week that TIM TEBOW is the reason why everyone asks “Where’s Waldo?” Trouble with this game is that Kansas City did nothing wrong it was just that TIM TEBOW did everything right…
Final Score the Chiefs 29 the Bronco’s 49. Anyone can lead a horse to water. TIM TEBOW can make the horse drink.

Up next we are going to have to go classic on you. What is rule number one in football? Teams can’t travel across country and win. Slingin Sammy Bradford learned that lesson again this week. The Lambs can’t even win out of the friendly confines of their own Stadium. This week in San Francisco the Lambs pulled their skirt up again. You know there really needs to be a Best before date tattooed on their inner thigh. But there isn’t one now so we will just say that good teams win on the road, so we guess that the Lambs aren’t a good team yet.
Final Score the Lambs 20 the 49ers 23. But at least this time it went to overtime.
Okay the second rule in football is that a team can’t travel across country and win, unless they are playing the Cardinals. The SheHawks came to Ari-Freaking-Zona and played the Cardinals. That Is not fair as the Cardinals don’t have a quarterback but hell they spent a #1 draft pick on Matt Leinart a couple of years ago only to realize that he couldn’t play. So we guess that Derek Anderson is the best answer. Hum “We will take Quarterbacks that sucked in more than one NFL City? Alex? I played in Cleveland before I got to Arizona. BEEP BEEP “Who is Derek Anderson, the master of Disaster? You are correct.
Final Score the SheHawks 36 to Cardinals 18. Did we just go on Jeopardy on your Ass?

We are going to move to the Sunday night game, because we can. Tom Terrific told everyone before the game started “You got be watching Danny Woodhead, he will be the key to the game.” With that said Danny went out and had the game of his life. Not since he was a little guy on the peewee football field, oh wait, he is little guy on pro football field, but he made an impact. 4 rushes for 11 yards and 2 catches for 22 yards… 33 yards in a game, can someone tell TIM TEBOW. Seriously this game falls to Big Ben Roethlisberger to win and with 5 sacks and 1 interception it seemed like Big Ben’s mind was somewhere else. Perhaps on the Local High School Choir ensemble performance he might miss?
Final Score the Pats 39 the Steelers 26. Big Ben is like School on Saturday…. No Class…

And finally the game everyone has been waiting for. The First Game of Interim coach Jason Garrett. It looks like it was the way Wade Phillips was putting the ill fitting parts together, because Jason sat down and figured out how to make it work. But really this is nothing new when the cowpies and the G-Aints get together for a game. Once a year one team is going to blow out the other one. And yes we said “Blow out.” After the game Ellie Manning was heard talking on his cell phone “Oh Hi dad. You saw the game huh? Damn it I have won 6 games in a row and now you want to watch a game. Well I threw 2 touchdowns. But yes I threw 2 interceptions as well. Yes one was returned for a touchdown. How many yards was it? I don’t remember. Oh you remember do you? How many was it??? 101 yards huh? Yep I think that is right. Look Dad we had a lot of stuff going on during the game, you know the power went out here and the game was delayed for 10 minutes. Oh that was you? You were trying to give me a chance to get off the field? Well that didn’t work did it?”
Final Score the Cowpies 33 the G-Aints 20. We still are going to call them Cowpies for a while.

And finally the last game of the week was the Michael Vick redemption game. For all the time he spent in a prison, for all his personal tragedy, for how he has changed and turned his life around, this game was for you Michael. You just go out and show everyone how great you are. You are the only quarterback in the history of the NFL to throw for 300 yards, 4 touchdowns and rush for 50 yards and 2 touchdowns in one game. We guess you are the only NFL quarterback to sit out and entire season in Prison then return to the game (as your only source of income) that you essentially hiked your leg, and peed on. (PUN VERY MUCH INTENDED) so here is to you Mr. Vick. You are the Quarterback, you are the Man, and you are the convict that turned your life around so much that we are all supposed to feel good about. No one else has comeback from prison to star in the NFL like you do. One question? Why does Mr. Vick get to return to the NFL after killing his Dogs? Does the guy who murdered his wife get to come back to his job at the insurance office after his sentence is up? Does the investment banker that steals people’s money in a pyramid scheme get to work in the banking industry again? We are not against Mr. Vick having a job. But he doesn’t have to be in the NFL does he? There are 100’s of men that haven’t killed anyone or anything that don’t play in the NFL so why do we have to praise him. It kind of reminds us of a story if you do something once you are labeled that for the rest of your life. You get caught making sweet love to a goat and you are label a goat lover the rest of your life. Just once I would like to hear some commentator label him as the man who killed his own dogs because they weren’t aggressive enough for his liking. Okay with that said I am done with Mr. Vick the dog Killer. What he will forever be known as to me. So we have another question, when the Beagles went to the Superbowl in 2005 for the 2004 season didn’t Donavan McNabb get accused of being out of shape and too tired to perform in the last couple of minutes of the game. Didn’t just 2 weeks ago Donnie Mc get pulled from the game for stamina reasons and was replaced with Rex Grossman? Rex Grossman for God’s sake, are you kidding us? And so this is the guy that Mike Shanahan gives 78 million dollars to? Well this week much to everyone’s chagrin the Deadskins are the Birth canal team of the week. If for no other reason that giving up 59 points in a game, 28 in the first quarter, 45 in the first half. And for giving money away like they were the Federal government we just didn’t realize that Donavan McNabb needed a bail out. He did throw 3 interceptions in the game.
Final Score the Beagles 59 the Deadskins 28. We guess we know the pain of a velvet glove like a lizard on window pain.

Well there you have. Another week in the books. And as we put the final touches on this week, we want to thank everyone for the latitude we are afforded to speak our mind. As small as our mind is…
And remember like we always say….

Every time that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life
Is in books' written pages
Lived and learned from fools and From sages
You know it's true

All the things come back to you
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today

Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away, yeah
Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream until the dream come true
Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream until your dream comes true
Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream On
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away...