Week 3 is the Special week in the NFL. Week Three is our
last full week for a while. After this week teams will start to take bye weeks.
But this week is still a full schedule, all teams are in action, so we will go
around the table. Jimmy are you ready? Yes. Gloria, Are you ready? Yes. Expo
are you ready? Yes. Then Lets do this... Expo Kick it!!!
Welcome
to the J J Watts show. This week the J J Watts show was preempted. So we will
be showing reruns. But in a twist we will not be showing reruns on the J J Watt
show. We are going to show a rerun of “My mother the car”.
Final Score Houston 0 the Patriots 27. JIMMY!!! Cancel this
episode of the J J Watts show. God we hate this show.
First
up on Sunday we find the Great REGGIE BUSH. This week was hard week for REGGIE
BUSH as his Fans demanded for him to get on the field. So after warmups, we
mean really when does the greatest running back in the history of the NFL need
warmups, REGGIE BUSH headed to the sidelines took his helmet off and sat down till
halftime. Then he jogged up the tunnel. After halftime, he jogged back to his
seat on the bench and waited for the game to finish.
Final Score the Cardinals 18 the Bills 33. 0 carries again
this week. Someone must be angry with his productivity.
There are two things that we need to tell you
about this game. 1. Denver is good. 2 The Bengals are not. Other than that this
game came down to a battle between Kapri Bibbs and Rex Burkhead. While this
battle raged on for what seemed like the whole game these two ended up with the
exact same stats. 0 carries, 0 yards, and 0 fumbles.
Final Score the Bronco 29 the Bengals 17. What a battle.
Nothing nothing nothing…
Next an
NFC north battle in the soon to be Frozen tundra of Green Bay Wisconsin. The
Lions made the trek to visit the Packers. Arron Rogers greeted them and pointed
out all the points of interest in Wisconsin, after that 3 minutes, the game
started. Not saying that there isn’t interesting in Wisconsin just that it
doesn’t take all day. Aaron Rogers
completed just 15 passes all day but 4 of them were for touchdowns and that my
friends is far more that the Lions could stand on this day.
Final Score the Lions 27 the Packers 34. That Packers name
still makes us giggle.
The
super Duck is still learning to fly. But Marcus Mariota needs to keep his wings
on the ball a little better. Right now 3 turnovers a game isn’t going to win
him any prize, well it might win him a prize just a prize that he doesn’t want.
The Raiders should have never been able to travel across the country and win,
but they were playing Tennessee so we should have factored that in.
Final Score the Raiders 17 the Titans 10. If we may offer a
suggestion to the Super Duck, throw to the people on your team.
Well we
have looked for the highlights or a game report or something on this game. The
only thing we could find is that the Brownstains played the Dolphins. So there
you go.
Final Score the Brownstains 24 the Dolphins 30. This should
have been the pregame show for the debate on Monday. Neither team has an
approval rating better than either candidate.
In the
next Battle we find that the Washington Deadskins travel up to the Jersey
Shore. In the Locker room a phone could
be heard ringing in the background as Ellie answered his phone he heard his
father’s voice on the other end. Ellie’s face showed the excitement of 5 year
old on Christmas Morning as he thought his father was calling him to wish him
well for the game. “Dad! Thanks for calling I am ready for the game.”
Indistinct chatter on the other end made Ellie ask “Dad? Can you hear me? I am
here. Can you hear me?” Still no answer, he could finally hear his father voice
say. “Yes I will take the 3.5 points, and Washington. I know who they are
playing, and there is no way the NEW YORK FOOTBALL TEAM can cover 3.5, My
Brothers nephew is on that team. No it is not my son, my son retired from
Football a Superbowl champion.”
Final Score the Deadskins 29 the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS
26. A large tear rolled down Ellie’s face that even Nacho’s on Tuesday with his
Superbowl champion brother could not fix.
Well we
guess that we didn’t count on the Panthers rolling over and showing everyone
their soft under belly. But that is what they just did. The Viqueens took a
razor to it and shaved Carolina like they were from Brazil. Smooth and clean
then rubbed a little lotion on them and headed home.
Final score the Viqueens 22 the Panthers 10. Okay Jimmy, Do
the damn cheer… Viqueens win Viqueens win Viqueens win!!!! Gosh we hate this
cheer…
There are
times when even we think that there are too many teams in the NFL. We know that
sounds like Blasphemy but really do we really need a team in Jacksonville? Are
they the first team that will be moved to some place new, like London England?
Oh and Baltimore don’t think that we forgot about you. It is just that when the
NFL schedules you against three teams that have won 2 game total, it is hard to
believe in your 3 wins.
Final Score the Ravens 19 the Jaguars 17. Really? 2 points?
Really???
We
thought that the curse of Colin Kaepernick was in full force on this Sunday. Mr.
Kaepernick has decide to make his stand (So to speak) by not standing for the
national Anthem. Kudos to him and what he believes, but we like to remind
everyone that God doesn’t like ugly. And if you were any good you could beat
out Blaine Gabbert. So if you are still on the bench, then we can only assume
that you aren’t as good as old Blaine. And who names their kid Blaine really?
Final score the 49ers 18 The Shehawks 38. Gloria, do you have the Stats for this game? Okay
great go ahead. “2 rock singers, 1 country singer, a film producer, a hockey
player, a game show host, an actress and a football player.” Okay folks here is
the contest if you can name anyone besides Blaine Gabbert, Iron Man Tony Stark
will bring you a duffle bag full of nothing and pour it out on your front
porch.
Well
the Wait is over. Was anyone else excited to see it? Finally the Los Angeles
Ewes have scored an offense touchdown. Case Keenum threw a pass to Brian Quick
for a 44 yard touchdown. Case was 6 years old the last time Los Angeles scored
a touchdown. Brian Quick was 5 years old. If you had that combination you could
have won season tickets for the rest of your life, or until the team decides to
move again due to lack of interest.
Final Score the Ewes 37 the Yuccaneers 32. Hey Jameis thanks
for nothing. Because that is what you brought to the game.
This week’s
Yawn game of the week, reared its ugly head right here. San Diego traveled to
Indianapolis to take on the Colts. Bolts vs Colts, seems like it should be
something right? But what it turned out to be was a nice nap on the couch…
Final Score the Bolts 22 the Colts 26. {Yawn} Gloria when
did we doze off? Really middle of the first quarter? Did we miss anything?
For the
most part on these reports we try to find the positive, the humorous, the
factual, and the real story. This game had a one team throw 6 interceptions,
their top rusher ran the ball 15 times for 65 yards, and they lost 3 fumbles.
The other team won. Any questions?
Final score the J E T S jets jets jets 3 the Chiefs 24. You
can’t have 9 turnovers and win, even if you are playing the Chiefs.
The
Last day game turned into nothing special either. The battle for Pennsylvania
turned into a watching a slow death. It became so slow that even in the market
for these two teams the Network decided that enough was enough. And sent
everyone to a different game. The only thing is that they only had the Bolt v
Colt debacle.
Final Score the Steelers 3 the Beagles 34. Big Ben is not
going to be getting any new numbers in the stands this day.
The
Sunday night game was the National debut for the Dak Prescott for President Movement.
And he didn’t disappoint. He was 19 of 24 for 248 yards and a touchdown. He
also ran the ball 4 times for 36 yards and another touchdown. At the Press
conference after the game one reporter asked “Do you feel that you can continue
this productivity?” Dak replied, “We are going to do just what my hat says.” He
slowly put a cap on his head, revealing the slogan “Make the Cowgirls great
again”. These are going on sale at www.Makethecowgirlsgreatagain.com
soon. We are working with the several providers to get the website up and
going.
Final Score Da Bears 17 the Cowgirls 31. Jimmy if I don’t
have a hat by the next report, someone is going to be in trouble…
Finally
on Monday we find the Shootout in New Orleans. This tough NFC south battle featured
the Falldowns from Atlanta and the Aints from New Orleans. Matt Ryan had a nice
game has he was 20 of 30 for 240 yards and 2 touchdowns. While Drew Brees was
36 of 54 for 376 yards and 3 touchdowns with an interception. But neither team
played any defense. Which only made Jon Gruden so happy that listening to him
made us turn the sound down.
Final Score the Falldowns 45 the Aints 32. Can someone mix in
a tackle every once in a while?
Well that will do it for us this week…
Let’s clean up a little.
Jimmy do you have your assignments for next week.
Gloria, do you have anything? Ah yes you go ahead and
announce that please.
This week’s Birth Canal Team of the week is…
The Houston Texans…
There is Peyton Manning handing the trophy to Starting
Quarterback Brock Osweiler.
And like we always say…
And if I say I really knew you well
What would your answer be?
If you were here today
Ooo ooo ooo, here today
What would your answer be?
If you were here today
Ooo ooo ooo, here today
Well, knowing you
You'd probably laugh and say
That we were worlds apart
If you were here today
Ooo ooo ooo, here today
You'd probably laugh and say
That we were worlds apart
If you were here today
Ooo ooo ooo, here today
But as for me,
I still remember how it was before
And I am holding back the tears no more
Ooo ooo ooo, I love you, ooo
I still remember how it was before
And I am holding back the tears no more
Ooo ooo ooo, I love you, ooo
What about the time we met?
Well, I suppose that you could say
That we were playing hard to get
Didn't understand a thing
But we could always sing
Well, I suppose that you could say
That we were playing hard to get
Didn't understand a thing
But we could always sing
What about the night we cried?
Because there wasn't any reason
Left to keep it all inside
Never understood a word
But you were always there with a smile
Because there wasn't any reason
Left to keep it all inside
Never understood a word
But you were always there with a smile
And if I say I really loved you
And was glad you came along
And you were here today
Ooo ooo ooo, for you were in my song
Ooo ooo ooo, here today
And was glad you came along
And you were here today
Ooo ooo ooo, for you were in my song
Ooo ooo ooo, here today
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