Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 2 2016

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard

Week 2 2016

 

                Here we go again, week 2. The NFL started with a bang last week and now we have a second week in the books. Lots of moving pieces here this week. Jimmy, did you get our shows recorded? Good man, thanks, we must have our shows. Gloria, do you have all our pertinent information, stats, and content? Okay Great. Well let’s wheel it around and if the pot is right, then let’s deal everyone one, Expo if you will do your thing, Kick It!!!

 

                We start this week on Thursday with the battle of New York. The J E T S jets jets jets went to Niagara Falls to prove state supremacy. The Bills showed us their true colors when they dressed in all red. This decision to use the alternate jerseys on these Thursday night games are getting just a bit ridiculous. The all red Uniforms were hideous. Nothing against red, but red jersey, with red pants just looks like they trying to blend in. but what the hell are they trying to blend into? We watched this whole game and scoured the stats for the Greatest Running back in the history of the NFL REGGIE BUSH, and his line reads. 0 Carries for 0 yards, and 0 Catches for 0 yards. Well yes we thought that he was a 0 for this game.

Final Score the J E T S 37 the Red clad Bill 31. Many Factors lead to the Bills loss. Most of them can be resolved by removing any coach on the staff with the name of Ryan.

 

                First up on Sunday we find the Battle for the “Art Modell Dixie Cup”. Interesting how things in Cleveland just end about a quarter of the way through. We have said it before but this game is 60 minutes. It certainly isn’t 15. So when you take a lead, of say 20 to nothing near the end of the first quarter, you should be able to win the game, unless you are the Cleveland Brownstains. Once again Cleveland you show us your true colors.

Final Score the Ravens 25 the Brownstains 20. Quote the Raven nevermore. The Telltale signs of Cleveland’s demise is coming true early this season.  

 

                So next up we find the Battle in New England for supremacy of the AFC East. New England head coach is known for making the best of a bad situation Currently the Pats are playing without Tom terrific Brady. Did this Matter? No it did not. Then when backup Jimmy Garoppolo decided he would go down with an injury, Head Coach Bill Bella-cheat looked around and found the winner of the contest “Be a Patriot for a day”. Jacoby Brissett’s Name was pulled from a Fish bowl of entries completed at a local Tim Horton’s. He was sent out on the field and went 6 for 9 for 92 yards. Not bad for a guy who put his name, phone number, and Email address on a 2 x 4 inch card while waiting on a cup of coffee and a Bear claw doughnut.

Final Score the MIA 24 the Pats 31. Ole Jacoby might get a return engagement as Quarterback for the Pats next week. We wonder if it truly is the system or the talent in New England.

 

                Next up we find another inter-conference battle. The Titans told their fans that they could travel anywhere and play a game, unfortunately they traveled to the war torn country known as Detroit. Marcus the Super Duck Mariota was 25 of 33 for 238 yards, which isn’t a bad day. His running back DeMarco Murray had a nice day as well, as he had 12 carries for 89 yards. What? Say that again? Murray had one carry for 67 yards? So he actual had 11 carries for 22 yards. Oh my well 2.0 yards per carry is not good at all.

Final Score the Titans 16 the Lions 15. Just another disappointing day in Detroit. Like any other Wednesday.

 

                Next up we find the battle as old as time. Cowgirls versus Indians. The old phrase “The Natives are getting Restless” Has the Deadskins fans, Winners of the NFC East last season, who are now 0 for the season. But we guess there is no way to go but up from here. What we found interesting is that the “Dak Prescott for President” campaign buttons are starting to pop up everywhere. He went 22 for 30 for 292 yards in the win for the Cowgirls. This might be a Quarterback that everyone can rally around. Kirk Cousins 28 of 46 for 346 yards, but for 19 million dollars this season he has not won a game yet. And that is not good.

Final Score the Cowgirls 27 the Deadskins 23. Jimmy did you order a case of the Dak Prescott for President Buttons for our team on the stroll? Okay great. Oh the case of buttons comes with ten hats with the slogan, “Making the Cowgirls great again”. Well we might need to set up a contest to pass them out.

 

                Next we find the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS inviting the New Orleans Aints to New Jersey. They served the New Jersey version of breakfast which includes the Taylor Ham Breakfast Sandwich. Which was served with Egg and cheese on a roll. Not exactly what the Aints were looking for. After one bite, Drew Brees was asked for his comment on the New Jersey Breakfast. “Well it ain’t no Beignet from Café Du monde. But then what is?” Archie Manning was strolling on the New Orleans Sidelines and was asked to compare the breakfast items. “Well one is great, and one is not. Just like the kids my wife tells me we have. One is great and one is not, and the one that is not good, is in New Jersey.”

Final score Aints 13 the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS 16. Archie said in a follow up, that the New Jersey should use Bologna as the state food of New Jersey.

 

                In a driving rain storm the Bengals took on the Pittsburg Steelers. Big Ben had is usual game, 19 for 37 for 259 yards, 3 touchdowns and 2 interceptions. He also got the phone numbers of 3 Jr high schools in Section 217, and sent 5 Snapchat friend requests to some girls in Section 108, it is like he was everywhere. As we all know cats don’t like water, which must be why the Bengals didn’t play well in the storm.

Final Score the Bengals 16 the Steelers 24. Gloria, did you accept the Snapchat friend request from Big Ben. Yes the reason they call him Big Ben is because he is tall.

 

                Does anyone know where the San Francisco 49ers went in the third Quarter of this game? We aren’t sure they know themselves. But when you have Blaine Gabbert at the wheel of your ship, you don’t know if you are heading out to sea, or towards the rocks. This Game it appears they went to the rocks, crashed, and burned. But it wasn’t bad enough to allow Colin Kaepernick to get on the field, which may or may not be a good thing. We just don’t know. But what we do know is that in the last three games that the Panthers have played they are 1-2. And in those three games they have played Denver, Denver, and San Francisco.

Final Score the 49ers 27 the Panthers 40. We guess as long as the Panthers don’t have to play Denver for a while, they will be okay.

 

                Hello everyone and welcome to the J J Watt Show! This week we have an action packed show. Starting off in the craft segment J J will show everyone how to make a contemporary Native American Indian Chief Headdress, complete with Eagle Feathers and a Grizzly Bear Paw. Then J J gets a little serious with defensive Lineman Vince Wolfork as they have Rap Battle. In the Cooking Segment J J explains the differences in Corn and Maze. This week Members of Houston Texans will join J J for a special rendition of a village people classic tune. So you don’t want to miss anything on today’s episode of… The J J Watt Show!!!

Final Score the Chiefs 12 the Texans 19. Jimmy what song do you think they will sing? In the Navy, YMCA, or Macho Man? Oooh I hope it is one of the classics!!!

 

                This Week Jameis “the Crab King” Winston showed everyone his Crab claws. Jameis had 4 interceptions and one fumble lost. While Carson Palmer three 3 touchdowns to his teammates. Jameis Winston threw a touchdown pass to the Falcons as well this was not good for Jameis Winston.

Final Score the Tampa Bay 7 the Cardinal 40. This game was only shown to a small region on the country. Mainly a rural section of Montana, not the area, with the prison as that would have been cruel and unusual punishment.

 

                Up next the Mile high city is higher than, well anyone in Denver, because of the new Quarterback they have. Trevor Siemian is the thing that everyone in Denver is talking about. Andrew “Bad” Luck tried his best to keep up but could not. Gloria has some states that she would like to share right here.

Final Score the Dolts 20 the Bronco’s 34. Yes Gloria that is true. If Indianapolis had scored more points the game might have turned out differently.

 

                Next up we find that the Atlanta Falldowns went to the Bay area to take on the Raiders. Matt Ryan had a good game with 26 of 34 passes for 396 yards. And while the Raiders are playing better their slogan is still in full effect. Just Suck baby could be heard throughout the stadium.

Final Score The Falldowns 35 the Raiders 28. Insert your own joke here.

 

                Okay so we have wondered the last few years what would happen if the San Diego Super Chargers were to win a couple of games to start the season. Would they be in better shape for the post season, would they have less of a sense of urgency about the rest of the season? Could Phillip Rivers hold up the Quarterback duties for the season? Would San Diego stay Classy?

Final Score the Jaguars 14 the Super Chargers 38. And If Blake Bortles is the answer, then the question has to be who is the sucky Quarterback for Jacksonville?

 

                So we kick a field goal, then you kick a field goal, then we kick a field goal, then we take a break, then we kick another field goal and we call it a game. there are 37% of the people in Los Angeles who saw this game and thought “Oh American football is a lot like soccer, but with fatter guys” there was 5 % of the people in Los Angeles who thought I am not watching this crap, why didn’t we get a team to move here. And there are 58% of the people in Los Angeles who thought “They are playing football in LA again? Why?”

Final Score the Shehawks 3 the Ewes 9. Actually heard this on the broadcast, “How many point do they get for kicking the ball over the crossbar and between the sticks that are going up?” 3 points? Really. Yes Fox you need to position your mics better.

 

                Finally the Last game on Sunday Chris Collinsworth inspired everyone with his magical commentary. We believe the entire population turns the sound off on the Sunday night game At least that is what we do. Then when Tony Dungy speaks we leave the still have sound off, does he have some sort of disease that makes his ears grow bigger each year? And goodness why didn’t Bob Costas catch the Zika virus while he was in Brazil for the Olympics.

Final Score the Packer 14 the Viqueens 17. The NFL greatest running back Adrian Peterson had a line that any sloth would die for. 12 carries for 19 yards now that is the kind of production that people die for.

 

On Monday the Game was nothing more than a chance for Jon Gruden to talk about his up close and personnel connection to Carson Wentz, Beagle Quarterback. For the love of Pete has Jon ever met anyone who isn’t the greatest player in the world? Wince threw for 190 yards, but that is okay because the Bears have problems of their own. Namely Jay Cutler. Jay plays great, in warm ups, then when the game starts, he might as well be like the electronic football game player. Hey Jimmy have you ever seen the Football where the board Vibrates, and the players slide on the metal playing field? No?

Final Score the Beagles 29 Da Bears 14. Well if you have never heard of the game then the point we were going to make doesn’t matter, because you have no point of reference.

 

Okay well that will do it for us. This week a couple clean up things.

A big thank you to Jimmy for recording our shows this week, oh Yes Gloria, what is it? Ah yes we need to award this week’s Birth canal Team of the Week.

Peyton will Hand out this week’s Trophy

This week’s Birth canal Team of the week is???

The Seattle Shehawks… Congrats to you    

 

Do you remember the 21st night of September?
Love was changing the mind of pretenders
While chasing the clouds away

Our hearts were ringing
In the key that our souls were singing
As we danced in the night
Remember, how the stars stole the night away, yeah yeah yeah

Hey hey hey
Ba de ya, say do you remember
Ba de ya, dancing in September
Ba de ya, never was a cloudy day

Ba duda, ba duda, ba duda, badu
Ba duda, badu, ba duda, badu
Ba duda, badu, ba duda

My thoughts are with you
Holding hands with your heart to see you
Only blue talk and love
Remember, how we knew love was here to stay

Now December found the love that we shared in September
Only blue talk and love
Remember, the true love we share today

Hey hey hey
Ba de ya, say do you remember
Ba de ya, dancing in September
Ba de ya, never was a cloudy day

There was a
Ba de ya, say do you remember
Ba de ya, dancing in September
Ba de ya, golden dreams were shiny days

The bell was ringing, aha
Our souls were singing
Do you remember every cloudy day, yau

There was a
Ba de ya, say do you remember
Ba de ya, dancing in September
Ba de ya, never was a cloudy day

There was a
Ba de ya, say do you remember
Ba de ya, dancing in September
Ba de ya, golden dreams were shiny days

Ba de ya de ya de ya
Ba de ya de ya de ya
Ba de ya de ya de ya de ya
Ba de ya de ya de ya
Ba de ya de ya de ya
Ba de ya de ya de ya de ya