Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2010 Week 6

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2010
Week 6

Here we go again, in this never a dull moment season we call the NFL. Before we get started we need to let you know who didn’t play: Well Buffalo is hiding in Toronto this week looking for apartments, while Cincinnati is trying to figure out why they can’t score enough to win a game, Arizona is trying to find themselves on a retreat in the desert, and Carolina is just trying to find someone to help them get a win this season. Now without any further waiting we give you this week’s entry. Expo do that thing you do…
First up like always we will start on the bottom and this week the Buccan game is on the bottom. The Saints came marching into Tampa Bay with winning on their mind. Before the game Buc Quarterback Josh Freeman was heard saying “Hey if we win this game we could be in First place.” Well let’s take a look at what Ole Joshie did to get his team to first place. Well he was 25 for 43 for 218 yards. oh that is not too bad … The S-aints took a page out of the Illinois Political voting scene as they scored early and often. Drew Brees threw for 3 touchdowns when actually 1 was enough to beat the Buc’s. Apparently the Buc’s were point challenged has they could only muster 6 points today.
Final Score the S-aints 31 the Buc’s 6. The Buc’s were not vaginally challenged as they are the Birth canal team of the week.

Up next we head to the town were the Quarterback knows about the Vejay-jay, and that would be Pittsburg and Big Ben Roethlisberger. With his suspension over Big Ben came back to his team and in a meeting early in the week told his team he was sorry for putting them in the position he had and he would try to do better next time. Linebacker James Harrison was heard saying “Hell, we went 3 and 1 while you were gone, but at least my twin sister is safe now because I know where you are.” Troy Polamalu retorted to Harrison “Man your twin sister has been safe all along. She is pretty ugly if she looks like you. I don’t think Big Ben would go after her.” Big Ben had a nice day and the Brown Stains Quarterback Colt McCoy didn’t look too bad. He went 23 of 33 for 281 yards. Do the Brown Stains have something to build on?
Final Score the Brown Stains 10 the Steelers 28. We doubt they have anything to build until the Mangenius is gone.

Up next we head to Missouri where the air is clean and fresh because all the factory jobs are gone. The Ewes are going to make us change their name if they keep playing like this. Slingin Sammy Bradford had another good week as he tossed the old pigskin around to 9 different receivers, but he took 3 more sacks, and that is not good. He needs to get out of the way a little more often or he is going to get hurt. Speaking of getting hurt Charger Head coach Norv Turner is taking but kicking like a man. And we hear all “this don’t worry the Chargers always start slow”. Well we aren’t sure how slow they want to start, but only 6 teams have a worse record than the Chargers.
Final score the Chargers 17 the Ewes 20, do we dare say the Rams.

Next we head to the city of Brotherly shove. After the first game of the season we were told that Kevin Kolb would be the starting quarterback after he comes back from injury. Then when “Dog Killer” Michael Vick pulled up lame, Head coach told everyone that no matter Kevin Kolb does in these couple of games Michael Vick is the starter when he returns. So let us show you how bad Kolb played this week 23 of 29 for 326 yards and 3 touchdowns. He tossed the ball to 7 different teammates. We have always subscribed to the thought that if you have two quarterbacks that can start in the league then you probably don’t have one because they are going to fight to be number one and the fans are going to fight for one, and it tears a team apart. When we think like Andy Reid we know one thing for sure…
Final Score the Falldowns 17 the Beagles 31. When we think like Andy Reid we are hungry… That guy looks hungry all the time….

Up next we talk about Da Bears… Is there anything worse than watching a car roll end over end down the road? It is like watching Jay Cutler get sacked, knocked down, and hit every time he drops back to pass. This is crazy, how many times has he been sacked this season like 50? We know a few people who are getting scratched off his Christmas card list. All of those Jack Wagons in front of him when the ball is snapped. Hell these guys can’t block out the Sun at noon, 1pm or even 3 o’clock. Who lets the SheHawks come to town and beat you??? No put your hand down… we know. Da Bears.
Final Score the SheHawks 23 Da Bears 20. Cutler is from Vanderbilt University we thought those guys were supposed to be smart. Maybe he played at Gloria Vanderbilt University.

Now we head to Mister Rogers Neighborhood. Oh no this looks more like a Government housing project than a neighborhood. There are people just wondering around with pistols in the waist bands looking for someone to rob. There are winos on the street and apparently King Friday XIII has pimped out Princess Margeret H Lizard and Queen Sara Saturday. Miami Quarterback Chad Henne was heard asking “Is this Wisconsin? Damn… It looks like Detroit.” Ricky Williams spoke up “It looks like a good place to get a bag of weed and I would know” Coach Mike McCarthy was seen in the corner of the end zone asking if anyone needed a watch?
Final Score the Dolphins 23 the Packers20… It turned out to be a good place for Miami to get a win.

In this week’s installment of “Why doesn’t my daddy like me as much as my big brother?” Ellie Manning invited the Lions to town, after the game he was overheard on his Cell phone “Hey Mom. Is dad around? I wanted to tell him about my game today.” “Well son” the voice on the other end said “Your dad has been real busy around here, there were some leaves to rake, and the shrubs needed tending to.” Ellie face turned to disappointment again then he asked “Has he seen any of my games this year?” “Well dear.” The voice said “your dad watched that game you had on Sunday night a couple of weeks ago. I know he watched that one because he had his favorite Jersey on. You know the one it’s Blue with the #18 on it? It even says Manning on the back… I think that he had it personalized.” “No.” a dejected Ellie said into the phone. “It is Peyton’s.” With tears welling up in his eyes, he hung up the phone and opened a box of Oreo Cakester and didn’t stop till he finished the entire box.
Final Score the Lions 20 the N Y F G 28. Hey yard work is important too… don’t eat the whole box Ellie…

In a game that was dubbed the duel in the sewer the Chiefs came to Houston looking to get back to the winning ways like they had when they won 3 in a row and were undefeated… In a Quarterback Skill competition Matt Cassel went against Matt Schaub and the balls were flying around like a kickball tournament during recess. Cassel was 20 for 29 for 201 yards and 3 touchdowns. Schaub on the other hand (not with the other hand) was on fire going 25 for 33 for 305 yards and 2 touchdowns. It looked like what this game came down to something else? Well maybe not. Well we guess we can say that this game like many others came down to scoring, and we are reminded the expert commentary in which the analyst said; “Well if the losing team had scored more points this game might have ended differently”
Final Score the Chiefs 31 the Texans 35. Well it just goes to show that if Houston scores more than the other team they win usually….

Up next we find a slug fest in New England. And everyone was ready. The Ravens brought their A game, but 9 punts are not going to win you a cutie doll at the fair. But it will make your kickers leg tired. Tom Terrific did lots of things right this weekend, but getting a haircut was not one of them. That guys needs a haircut and soon or he will need a bigger helmet to put that fat head of his in. We just hope someone pulls him down by that hair. And Terrell Suggs might just be the one to do it. He told Tom Brady that he didn’t want to face the Ravens again. Brady to his credit could add and told him “Look at the scoreboard big boy, maybe you don’t want to play us again?” Suggs checked the score and realized he had just been beaten by the Patriots.
Final Score the Ravens 20 the Pats 23 in Overtime. When Brady was asked about Suggs Brady replied “If he doesn’t want my peaches, tell him not to shake my tree.”

What does Zach Miller, Darrius Heyward-Bay, and Michael Bush all have in common? They all have the pleasure of catching a pass from Jason Campbell. And what do Takeo Spikes and Manny Lawson have in common? They also caught a pass from Jason Campbell but they play for the 49ers. Without the Polish Punisher to knock a couple of field goals the Raiders would have drown out there in the bay. This game should have been considered the Bay of Pigs. The 49ers are finally one game closer to the division championship they hoped for when the season started. Now can they win another game? How many more teams will try the Jason Campbell experiment? Right now he is the poster child for the stupidity of the combine or work out guy… If this guy can throw the ball 70 yards in the air, that is great. But can he make the 10 yard out throw. He can’t do that and that is problem.
Final Score the Raiders 9 the 49ers 17. That and the fact that he sucks, are there any other reasons out there? Oh yea he is from LSU? But that one might not count.

Apparently what has been missing from the Denver Bronco’s offense has been a little TIM TEBOW. For weeks now we have been building to the day when TIM TEBOW actually got on the field during the game. Well Sunday it finally happened. TIM TEBOW got on the field and scored like Ben Roethlisberger whether the girl wanted him to or not. But the funny thing is that the TIM TEBOW score inspired the Bronco’s so much that they still lost. But let us savor the moment of TIM TEBOW actually getting into the game and rushing for a touchdown. Looking at his stats it is necessary to say that TIM TEBOW didn’t have enough carries to win the game. He had 6 carries for 23 yards with a long of 6 but more importantly he had a TOUCHDOWN.
Final Score the J E T S 24 the Broncos 14 TIM TEBOW 6. Hey only 2477 more yards to go, to get to 2500…

And now we should talk about the last game of the day. This was the most anticipated game of the day and quite possibly had the most on the line. Let’s look at the stats to see where things got going; we will spin the wheel of stupidity and see where it lands. Return yardage is what the wheel stopped on this time the Viqueens had 158 yards and a touchdown. Huh they only had 188 yards on offense that accounted for 2 touchdowns and a field goal. Not bad for a half but a whole game? The Cowgirls looked like a team that is not very good, thank goodness they lived up to it. When we spin the wheel of stupidity we see it lands on Penalty. Is there another team in this league, college, or high school that makes this many stupid penalties? We honestly do not understand why people get so excited by scoring a touchdown. Well you just executed a pass play that scored a touchdown and all hell breaks loose it is like you just won the superbowl, or the lottery. Maybe the Cowgirls get so excited because they thought that they might win a game. But turnover Tony Romo made sure that would happen. What do Buffalo and Carolina have in common?
Final Score the Cowgirls 21 the Viqueens 24. Both of those are looking up at Dallas in the win column. The view must be terrible. And we don’t mean the TV show…
And now for the last game of the day. The Indianapolis Colts came to Washington DC and took the tour of the Lincoln memorial, then went by the Washington monument. After that they went to the Stadium and kicked a little Deadskin butt… After the game Peyton was heard on his Cell phone saying” Yea Dad we kicked their butts. Yep I had over 300 yards and a couple of touchdowns. Hey did you get those leaves racked up like you were talking about? Yea Great how about those Shrubs? Fantastic. Hey did you hear about Eli’s game?” to which the voice over the phone said “No I didn’t.” Peyton explained “Well I have not had a chance to look it up on the internet. Justin Timberlake and I are going out to play Ping-Pong. “ Donovan McNabb looks like he did last year, like he needs a hug, but Mike Shanahan doesn’t look like a coach ready to take on that challenge.
Final score the Colts 27 the Deadskins 24. Does Archie know he has 2 sons?

And For the last game of the week we find the Tennessee Titans going south for a tough AFC South Battle with Jacksonville. After the first quarter both starting Quarterbacks were out and the game slowed down to a drinking game everyone should try this. The Rules are easy you have to drink when the third person in the booth (Jon Gruden) says he likes someone or something or repeats the same thing in the previous sentence, and for good measure drink a double whenever he mentions “Jaws” or himself. Hey Expo would you search the internet for a circus missing a clown because we found one on the Monday night football crew. And we need to get him off the Television. We couldn’t finish the game because we ran out of booze.
Final Score the Titans 30 the Jag’s 3. Thanks goodness Josh Scobee is on our fantasy team because this game stunk it up otherwise…

Well that will do it for us again this week. Is everyone starting to pencil in their playoff teams? We are a third of the way through the season. Don’t forget to check out the song below… until next week…
Remember like we always say…

Well you should see Polythene Pam
She's so good-looking but she looks like a man
Well you should see her in drag dressed in her polythene bag
Yes you should see Polythene Pam
Yeah yeah yeah

Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt
She's killer-diller when she's Jacked to the Hilt
She's the kind of a girl that makes the "News of the World
Yes you could say she was attractively built
Yeah yeah yeah

She came in through the bathroom window
Protected by a silver spoon
But now she sucks her thumb and wanders
By the banks of her own lagoon
Didn't anybody tell her?Didn't anybody see?
Sunday's on the phone to Monday,
Tuesday's on the phone to me

She said she'd always been a dancer
She worked at 15 clubs a day
And though she thought I knew the answer
Well I knew but I could not say.

And so I quit the police department
And got myself a steady job
And though she tried her best to help me
She could steal but she could not rob.
Didn't anybody tell her?Didn't anybody see?
Sunday's on the phone to Monday,
Tuesday's on the phone to me
Oh yeah.