Wow is this season going by fast? We are already at week 6. Gosh there seems to be a definite separation in the upper and lower teams. And that gap can be as small as the Grand Canyon, but it can also be as big as the gap between Michael Strahan’s teeth. Before we get going let us tell you who is off this week, Dallas, Indianapolis, San Francisco, and Miami. Well with that of the way, hey Expo kick it.
We will start at the bottom and at the bottom we find the Tennessee Titans. In Greek Mythology the Titans were greater than the Gods. In Tennessee the Titans are worse than that little bit a vomit that you burp up after you get too much Salsa on your chip at a bad Mexican food restaurant. You know the one that burns your throat? You know which one we are talking about. We can only guess that it makes the Titans worse than warm spit. This team couldn’t have tried to quit any more. We were so disgusted at this team that the Birth Canal Team of the week is too good for them. But that is the perfect example of one, So as you can guess they are not the birth canal team of the week but they are a bunch of a… They will probably lose when they are on the bye week.
Final Score the Titan not a damn point. The Pats 59. Is Tom Brady getting back into playing shape after missing last year?
Okay staying at the bottom we find this week’s crappy game on FOX. okay anyone can answer this question? What is 11 for 25 for 105 yards no touch downs, and 3 interceptions? Answer 2 quarterbacks who have no business playing in the NFL. Thanks a lot Drew Stanton and Daunte Culpepper. It looks like everyone else has given up on you so we will as well. Glad you are lost in Detroit. Where the hell is Mark Stafford?
Final Score the Lions 0 the Packers 26. The Packers win. Yuck…
Okay well here is another question for you; why the hell is Derek Anderson playing quarterback for the Cleveland Browns? The answer because he is better that Brady Quinn. The head coach Eric Mangenius thinks that Brady Quinn can’t play quarterback so much that he let Joshua Cribbs play before he put in Quinn. Well they don’t call him the Mangenius for nothing. Oh yea this was the crappy game on CBS as well.
Final Score the Brown Stains 14 the Steelers 27. We guess they do call him Mangenius for nothing.
Well we thought we would get off the bottom, but we find ourselves in Seattle home of the mother of all bottoms this year the Seattle Shehawks. Do you need the fact as to why this game is on the bottom? How about 7 first downs and 8 punts does that suck enough for you? How about 128 yards of total offense? We have seen better outputs in a Pee Wee Football game. It got so bad that the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals let Matt Leinart play, and hell he was 2 for 2.
Final Score the Cardinals 27 the Shehawks 3. Nice game Matt.
And now to the game that we wish we didn’t have to report on. The Washington Deadskins are finally done. For 5 weeks they have played a team that had not won this season and they had lost 3 of those games. This week they played the Chiefs of Kansas City. The Chiefs had not won a game either, however that was about to change. During a timeout in the second half someone asked Head coach Jim Zorn what he needed to get through this game? To which he responded; what I really need is a drink. Like some Gatorade? “Nope something stronger” Zorn said. A rum and Coke one of the coaches inquired? Coach Zorn looked over each shoulder and said what I really want is some lemonade with a little Gin in it. Then Quality Control - offensive coach Bill Khavat, turned and told Todd Collins to go into the game. We know from experience that Drinking on the field is not good.
Final Score the Chiefs 14 the Deadskins 6. Sorry but Tom Collins is terrible, the drink and the Quarterback.
Okay well we finally get off the first rung of this weeks ladder and find the Philadelphia Eagles flying across the country and playing the Oakland Raiders. The Beagles played like dogs, and that seems fitting that a team playing like dogs has Michael Vick on it. We wonder if any one was choked on the team plane home? If so it wasn’t reported this week. but what is being reported is that now everyone is having a hard time seeing the Beagles in the playoffs this year after they lost to the Raiders. Hell even we don’t know who is going to make the playoffs, but we don’t think that a loss to the Raiders will keep anyone from making the playoffs.
The Final Score the Beagles 9 the Raiders 13. Teams can’t travel across the country and win, even when you play the Raiders.
Up next we will move to the game with Ben-gals and Texans. Who would have ever thought that Matt Schuab would out duel Carson Palmer. Well stranger things have happened we are sure, but currently we can’t think of anything. Oh wait how about Roswell New Mexico, the New Coke Formula, the Cabbage patch doll phenomenon, and those little ships that get put into the bottles, how the hell does that happen? Well back to the game, Matt Schuab threw 2 touchdowns in the second half and Carson Palmer threw humm none.
Finals Score the Texans 28 the Ben-Gals 17. And lastly we offer the Bigfoot as our strangest thing.
Well crap we forgot about this game. The St Loser Ewes went to Jacksonville, and actually played well enough to lose by only 3 points. It was fitting that we forgot about it since most everyone else did as well. Humm this game went to overtime and that is about all there is to it. We guess we could say Thanks for the game.
Final Score the Ewes 20 the Jaguars 23 But we could also say Thanks for nothing.
Okay since we are finally out of the doldrums of the terrible games we are finally a game that might just mean something. The Carolina Panther invaded the Tampa Bay Penniesanears. Oh wait this game didn’t mean anything except maybe who is going to get the 4th pick in next years draft. Well we looked at the game and can only come up with one word for it.
Final Score the Panthers 28 the Penniesanear 21. Sad. Sad is the only word we can think of.
Okay so the next game is the Brett Farve game. This was the game that was supposed to be the one where Brett Farve falls on his scruffy unshaven face. Well with 3:37 left in the game Baltimore scores a touchdown to go ahead 31 to 30. Then the kickoff is a touchback and the Viqueens are first and 10 just 80 yards away from the endzone. One pass from Brett Favre to Sidney Rice for 56 yards and Brett Farve continues his magic on the field. And we continues our sickness of having to listen to everyone kiss the feet of Brett Favre.
Final Score the Ravens 31 the Viqueens 33 When will it ever end???
Now we will see about the game in New Jersey a dirty game if we ever saw one. We have tried to think about what would be the best thing to happen to the Buffalo Bills. Finally if came to us. Get rid of Bills quarterback Trent Edwards is our best idea. So when Ryan Fitzpatrick ran out on to the field we weren’t the only ones jumping for joy. But while the Bills were jumping up and down and punting for their next 5 possessions, the J E T S were busy scoring 10 whole points in the second quarter. Okay now don’t everyone start to cheer too hard for the J E T S as they only scored 13 points in the first half. But during the second half and overtime, they ended their drives with an interception, interception, interception, punt, interception, punt, and interception. After the game Ryan Fitzpatrick was over heard in the locker room “Ha who got the dirty Sanchez today?”
Final Score the Bills 16 the J E T S 13. Did someone ask for a rusty Trombone?
Okay now for the biggest game in the history of the NFL so far, that didn’t include Brett Favre. The NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS invaded the New Orleans Superdome like the homeless during Katrina. Ellie had such a great game that Coach Tom Coughlin Took him out in the fourth quarter, Check out these Number 14 for 31 for 178 yards with an interception, and a fumble. The Giants appeared to lay down like a cheap rug, which was not good for the die-hard Giant fans of this world. They thought that spending time in front of the TV with the children watching the game was a good idea until the game got to 34 to 17 at halftime So they Left to play Golf with the kids.
Final Score the Giants 27 the Saints 49. And REGGE BUSH had almost 55 yards in total yards… Nice huh?
Now for the Sunday Night Game Da Bears headed south to Atlanta to take on the Falcons. This game was made for Chris Collinsworth. It was so boring that that he almost seemed intelligent. This game could have been played in a half, as no one scored in the first or third quarter. but it went the distance and like every good bicycle race we were waiting for the Wrecks but they never came.
Final Score Da Bears 14 the Falcons 21.
And Finally on Monday night we find the old AFL Match up between the Chargers and the Denver Bronco’s. Denver trotted out their throw back uniforms that looked like they were left by a horse with the trots. How does the league continue to allow this to happen? The Bronco’s continue to win and no body is upset about it. When did Kyle Orton become Joe Montana for goodness sakes. Is any one watching?
Final Score the Bronco’s 34 the Chargers 23.
Well there you have it… another week down….
And Remember Like we always say….
Well, my daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to Ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze
Now, I don't blame him 'cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me 'Sue'
Well, he must o' thought that is was quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk
It seems I had to fight my whole life through
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named 'Sue'
Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean
My fist got hard and my wits got keen
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame
But I made me a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man that gave me that awful name
Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew
At an old saloon on a street of mud
There at a table, dealing stud
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me 'Sue'
Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye
He was big and bent and gray and old
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said, "My name is 'Sue'! How do you do? Now you gonna die"
Yeah, that's what I told him
Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down but, to my surprise
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer
I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile
And he said, "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I know I wouldn't be there to help ya along
So I give ya that name and I said good-bye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's that name that helped to make you strong"
He said, "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do
But ya ought to thank me, before I die
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
'Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you 'Sue'"
Yeah, but what could I do, what could I do
I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son
And I come away with a different point of view
And I think about him, now and then
Every time I try and every time I win
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him...
Bill or George, any damn thing but 'Sue'! I still hate that name
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