Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 5

Stroll down The NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 5

Well here we are finally got to week 5. Does it seem like it has been 5 weeks since we started this year. Well this season is turning into a season of haves and have not’s. So let’s see who has not played this week; Da Bears, Green Bay, the Saints and the Chargers. So why don’t we get it started.

As always we start on the bottom. When the turn the first game over to finds its bottom we find Buffalo. Okay this game has got to be the absolute worst in the history of the NFL. This game had no intrinsic value at all. We can’t even think of anything worse than this game. The best stat of this game was 2 completions in 17 attempts for 23 yards. 2 completions? 2 completions? Are you kidding us? This was the Crappy game of the week no matter what network it was on. The only thing worse, than this game were the Uniforms in another game.
Final Score 6 to 3. Damn it we don’t even care who won. So we aren’t reporting it.

Let’s move all the way across the country and find the Seattle Shehawks Calling here kitty kitty. As bad as the previous game this one was almost as bad. This will be our Crappy game on CBS. Although there were 41 points scored it was only by 1 team. This again proves the theory that you can’t travel across the country and win. As Seattle started calling the Jacksonville Jaguars, they rolled over on their back and showed the Shehawks that little soft patch a fur just above the FUPA. So here is to you Jags this weeks Birth canal team of the week.
Final Score the Jags 0 the Shehawks 41. How the hell do you not score a point?

Staying Close to the bottom we travel back to the right coast. Is that an oxymoron? Well we find Al Davis and his Oakland Raiders playing the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS. So far there has only been one team in the history of the NFL that has made David Carr look good thank you Oakland. This week David Carr played and had more completions than any other Quarterback in the game. Oakland may not be able to punch their way out of a wet paper sack, but Head Coach Tom Cable can certainly punch his coaches out.
Final Score the Raiders 7 the NYFG 44. Just ask Randy Hanson if Coach Cable can throw a punch.

Up next we travel down the coast and find the next guy to get fired, in our opinion. Jim Zorn may not have much time left before the inevitable happens. He is going to get fired it is just a matter of time. We could start a watch but we don’t think that it will take that long. We wondered how long it was going to take the Panthers to win a game; they just had to play the Deadskins. Hell they are letting everyone beat them, anyone else needing a win? Just call on the Deadskins.
Final Score the Deadskins 17 the Panthers 20. Who is next winless team coming to town?

Up next we will talk about the Lions of Detroit. They played hard and never gave up which is all you can ask a team to do in the NFL. But alas they were beaten by a team with better players, and a better scheme. There is no shame in that. But the Steelers should be ashamed. They played so poorly that they allowed a team that has only won 1 game in their last 21 to stay with them. But that is the way they play the game. Stay close and win it in the end.
Final Score the Steelers 28 the Lions 20 Hell Matt Stafford didn’t even play.

Well we just checked the commodities market and have found that corn is down again. It is fitting that we were in Philadelphia, because we think that Billy Ray Valentine could help Tampa Bay. Hell right now anyone could help Tampa Bay even Coleman the Butler. We are trying to find something positive about Tampa Bay but the only thing we are positive about is that they positively suck.
Final Score Tampa Bay 14 the Beagles 33. When does Tampa Play the Deadskins?

Up next we find the mystical Magical Brett Favre tour making a stop in the worst state for football. Missouri. The teams there are a combined zero for the season. If it weren’t for the parade they threw through the streets in St Louis the fans would have nothing to cheer about. Thank Goodness Brett Favre has finally found a home in Minnesota We guess he has finally found a team to appreciate Brett Favre for being Brett Favre, yes let’s us all cheer for Brett Farve the whole season, all the networks are, so why shouldn’t we? He has done everything anyone could possibly expect him to. He has won three MVP awards, and 1 super bowl, retired, cried, unretired, cried, played for the JETS, cried again, retired again, unretired again, cried again, joined Minnesota. And now we all cry because we have to hear about his every movement.
Final Score the Viqueens 38 the Ewes 10. This Just in from ESPN #2 Brett Favre took one.

Up next we find that the Ravens did everything they could to win the game on Sunday. They had 12 first downs, 6 punts, a defensive touchdown, loads of miss plays including letting Andre Caldwell beat you. We mean who wouldn’t cover a guy running down the middle of the field with 10 seconds left to play. We can only guess that covering a 3rd round draft choice was just too much as this guy ran free down the middle of the field till Carson Palmer threw him the ball.
Final Score the Ben-Gals 17 the Ravens 14. Not a good way to Honor the funeral of Edgar Allen Poe this week.

We sure do like what is happening in San Francisco this year with Mike Singletary and his approach to the game of football. His no-nonsense attitude about how the game should be played and how he is going to have his players play. Take as an example Cornerback Dre’ Bly, on Sunday he defended his actions, by saying “I am just another clown in this Circus. Come on down to the big top and watch me get out of the car, and squirt some one with seltzer water.” After a meeting with Coach Singletary he attitude changed just a little "It was totally, totally inappropriate. I apologized to coach (Mike Singletary). I'm not a selfish guy. I didn't mean to embarrass him -- if I did embarrass him -- embarrass my team, embarrass ownership, and embarrass the fans,"
Final Score the Falcons 45 the 49ers 10. Hey Dre’ did you smell Coaches Flower?

And in the Game of least consequence of the weekend two teams played in Ari-Freaking-zona. The Texans and the Cardinals right? Okay so what about this game made it significant? Anybody? Anything? Well we couldn’t find anything either. Oh hey did Matt Leinart get on the field? Let us check right here. Humm it looks like he warmed up and then held a clip board the whole game.
Final Score the Texans 21 the Cardinals 28. How do you warm up to hold a clipboard?

Okay well it looks like we picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue, because the uniforms in the next game were well in a word. Burnable. That is what happen some 47 years ago when the then Denver Bronco’s burned them never to be worn again until the next time they were worn. The throwback uniforms are great idea as long as they are not made into a throw up uniforms. The New England Patriots are so cool with the guy snapping the ball on the helmet. It is a very classic look. The Bronco’s were throwing up something after a night of bad Chinese food and Tequila. Oh yea and the game? The Bronco’s won. Is Coach Bellacheat going the way of his mentor?
Final Score the Pats 17 the Bronco’s 20. How long till the Pats get a 58% coach?

Okay now this game had a classic feel to it, however it seems like this game has never taken place before. The Old Dallas Texans invited the new Dallas Cowgirls to Kansas City for an old fashioned Ice cream social. And as Joe Buck must have said about 100 times this was the game that never took place in Dallas because the teams were just on different playing fields even though they both played in the Cotton Bowl. What a clean Crisp look that Texan helmet has the Outline of the Lone star state with one lone star where Dallas is located. We might have chosen different colors other than red and yellow, that kind of goes to together like Strawberries and mustard, but hey to each his own we always say. As for the game The Chiefs need to learn three things. Tackle, Tackle, and Tackle.;
Final Score the Cowgirls 26 the Chiefs 20. Another game going to overtime.

Well the Sunday night game taught us 2 things. 1. Peyton Manning maybe the best Quarterback (besides Brett Farve) with only 1 super bowl ring. 2. That the Tennessee Titans are really something. They are really something terrible. How do you fall from 13 – 3 one year to 0 and 5 the next? You guys are killing us. What the Hell, did Kerry Collins get some prescription medications again? Is he drinking again? Did his dog die? Vince Young came in and played like the shell of his former self by completing 0 passes for 0 yards.
Finals Score the Colts 33 the Titans 9. At least he didn’t hold the Clipboard all game.

And now to the last game of the week. The New York Jets decided to go south to play the Miami Dolphins. Did anyone else know that October was Hispanic month? And the NFL was celebrating the entire Month on Monday night. It seems fitting that the Owner of the Dolphins, Hispanic singing star Mark Anthony, came out to sing the National Anthem. Glad he didn’t trick it up by singing part of it in Spanish. Then did anyone else hear the first penalty call by the referee? It was all in Spanish. I thought my Television had suddenly switched to Telemundo. All night long the Dolphins had been getting the dirty Sanchez from the JETS, but then in the 4th quarter things changed as the Dolphins slipped the JETS the big Tuna cakes. Rex Ryan was disgusted and was heard saying ‘Damn it I hate the smell of seafood.’
Final Score the JETS 27 the Dol-Pins 31. Why are we celebrating the entire month on one night?

Well there we are again. Another week in the books. We sure do hope you enjoy this as much as we enjoy putting to together.

And remember like we always say….


Now everybody - have you heard
If you're in the game, then the stroke's the word
Don't take no rhythm - don't take no style
Got a thirst for killing - grab your vile...

You put your right hand out...give a firm hand-shake
Talk to me about the one big break..
Spread the ear pollution both far and wide...
Keep your contributions by your side
and stroke me, stroke me...

Could be a winner boy, you move quite well...
You got your number down...
Say you're a winner boy - man you're just a sinner now
You put your left foot out - keep it all in place
Work your way right into my case
First you try to bed me - you make my backbone slide...
But when you find you bled me - skip on by...

Keep on - stroke me, stroke me - Give me the business all night long...
You're so together boy...
Say you're a winner but man you're just a sinner now
Better listen now...(said) it ain't no joke
Let your conscience fail ya...just do the stroke
Don'tcha take no chances...
keep your eye on top
Do your fancy dances...
you can't stop, you just stroke