Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2010
Week 3
Hello everybody and welcome to another installment of the Stroll. Lots of things happening this past weekend, and we are going to talk about them here. So if no one has any questions then we can get started. Expo, do your thing!!!
First of all we will start at the bottom, and this week the bottom brings us to Jacksonville, home of the Jaguars and not much else. They invited over the Philadelphia Beagles for a game. The Dog Killer Michael Vick was heard telling Head coach Andy Reid afterward, “I have worked harder to drown dogs than this game was.” His Stats bear that fact out as he threw for 291 yards on 17 completions. Jags Head Coach Jack Del Rio, was taking questions after the game when he was asked: “When you were putting your game together for the Beagles, What were you thinking?” “Well” Del Rio stated “We were hoping to meet them here at the game and you know talk to them, see what hobbies they have? Maybe what their favorite color is and what they like to do on a Sunday afternoon?” Hey coach we have a question, did you think that this was a match.com date or a football game? Because you laid down like you were getting money to lift your skirt and show everyone what you were made of.
Final Score the Beagles 28 the Jags 3. And you are the Birth Canal Team of the week in case you didn’t know.
Moving up the coast a little we will find Carolina. Nothing would be finer than a Carolina win, but this week it would be more difficult than finding a Soggy Claussen pickle. By the way Jimmy “the Pickle” Clausen found himself in one as he tried to bring his Panthers to the winning side of the jar this week. Hey Jimmy a little advise for you because we know you are new. If you don’t win the turnover battle you will not win usually. You had 3 and that is not good. You did spread the passes around 7 receivers catching a pass is good, but completing only 16 is not. And that leads us to this….
Final Score the Bunguls 20 the Panthers 7. Thank the Great Cucumber in the sky that Jonathan Stewart knew where the goal line was.
Okay we should all turn to the left and take 4 giants steps to the Northwest. We will head to Kansas City. The Chiefs are playing pretty well right now. We think that this is the first time they have won 3 in a row since the Clinton Administration. Well the 49ers of San Francisco are playing so bad they should fire someone around there. What? Jimmy Raye? Isn’t he the guy from Good Times? Yea you know. Dy-no-mite!!! He isn’t? Then who is he. Oh then can tell me who he is not?
Final Score the 49ers 10 the Chiefs 31. Oh… He is not the Offensive Coordinator of the 49ers anymore.
Up next we will head to the North and the East. In Foxburough MS we find a rough Battle between two original AFL foes. The Buffalo Bills visited the old Boston Patriots. Wow we sure do love those old AFL helmets logo’s that cool lone Buffalo on a white helmet and who could forget “Pat the Patriot” down and ready to snap the ball to whoever is going to play quarterback. Oh the memories, they do light the corners of our mind. But to get back to this game the Bills finally did something right, they released their starting quarterback. Who would have thought that Trent Edwards was holding them back, but he was. Ryan Fitzpatrick was channeling former Bill QB Jack Kemp, except the result was a little different.
Final Score the Bills 30 the Pats 38. Well this week’s result was the same, another Bill Loss. Hey Bills fans Hockey season has started so Viva la Saber’s…
Okay two big steps South and you will find yourself in New-Freaking-Jersey, home of the G-aints. The G-Aints aint playing too well lately, and by lately we mean since game 7 of last year. After starting with 6 wins the G-Aints are 3 and 11. That is not very comforting. And the prospects of getting better are not too good. This week Ellie tried a left handed pass that went about has well swapping the mashed potatoes for Dog poop on the Thanksgiving table. On the other side Vince Young didn’t get pulled this week but he only completed 10 of 16 passes. He didn’t have any turnovers and that makes it a good day for him.
Final Score the Titans 29 G-Aints 10 when the other team is having a good day the G-Aints are having a bad one.
Just a small hop South we find the Battle of Cleveland. The Brown Stains came to visit the Raven. The Raven as everyone knows by now moved to Baltimore from Cleveland, we aren’t sure but that might be out of the frying pan and into the fire. After the BrownSstains took the lead with a field goal in the first quarter the Delaware destroyer Joe Flacco threw a pass touchdown to Anquan Bouldin. Then for good measure he threw another touchdown to Bouldin in the second quarter. After Halftime Bouldin wanted to try his luck at throwing a pass which didn’t work out too well. He completed the pass but for minus 6 yards. Later in the huddle Flacco told him to go long. 27 yards was long enough to score another touchdown and put the game out of reach…
Final Score the Brown Stains 17 the Ravens 24. Quote the Flacco nevermore?
Okay now it’s time for the Buccan game. All the way down from Pittsburg the Steelers were worried about facing a team that has not lost this season. We think they were a little worried all the way up till game time. Then Head Coach Mike Tomlin told his team just before the game “Hey we are not the Pirates and they are not the Rays.” “So let’s go out there and kick some Buccan butt.” Once the Steelers realized that they were not the Pirates that Tampa was then the game was over.
Final Score the Steelers 38 the Bucs 13. AAARRGGG Mattie’s. Oh did we say that out loud?
Okay now everyone turn the left. Hey your other left. Okay now one giant step. Now one little step. Okay look around and find yourself right in the middle of Katrina ravaged New Orleans. 5 years after devastating Hurricane the people of New Orleans still waiting for someone to give them a hand. This week without Reggie Bush on the field (he is home with a broken leg, dusting the shelf his Heisman trophy used to sit on) the Saints played their little hearts out for him. However the hero of last week, Garrett Hartley, kicked the game tying Field Goal with just seconds to play to push the game into overtime. But with the game on the line to win, he pulled a Heather Mills and pulled the ball wide right. “Gosh, Dang It. I thought I could make that one” was what was heard after the miss. This allowed Matt Bryant to be the hero.
Final Score the Falldowns 27 the Saints 24. Meet Garret Hartley and his new book “From hero to FEMA Rep in 6 days”
Okay turn and face the North please. Okay now three Giant steps. Watch out for those lakes. Here in Minnesota we find that there might be some regret in going to get Brett Favre. We should check out the stats for the game. The Unretireable Brett Favre was 23 for 34 for 201 yards with a touchdown and 2 interceptions. That will get him a wonderful Quarterback rating of 68.4. Who the hell understands that Quarterback rating crap anyway? But we digress. The Quarterback on the other side was 29 of 43 for 237 yards with a touchdown and 2 interceptions. That gave him a Quarterback rating of 69.6. Hey Brett you should set your sights higher the Shaun freaking Hill of the Detroit Lions.
Final Score the Lions 10 the Viqueens 24. Well in a battle of winless teams someone has to win right?
All right now everybody turn around again and take a giant step to the South. Okay now a little one to the East. What? Yes son we are in Missouri, don’t touch anything you don’t want to catch anything. Here we are right here in St Louis. We are so glad that Donavan McNabb has decided to buy into the Mike Shanahan system. We can hardly contain ourselves to watch him spiral downward. For so long he was the face of a franchise that didn’t want him and won in spite of him. Just like another old and rundown quarterback who can’t seem to let go of the past. Will we have to watch as McNabb slowly crumbles into the shell of his former self? Okay well back to the game. Break up the Ewes, they won a game with Slinging Sammie Bradford throwing the old bean around we aren’t sure how many games the Ewes will win. What we are sure of is that he will not last a full season; if he does it will be amazing.
Final Score the Deadskins 16 the Ewes 30. This was a probably the crappy game on Fox…
Everybody please we need to move South and West, but more West that than South, if you know what we mean. Houston we have a problem, if you know what we mean. For the last several years the Texans have tried with all their might to get past themselves and win consistently we don’t think that they can do that with Matt Schaub at the helm if you know what we mean. So when you are 2 and 0 facing a team that is 0 and 2 and you are at home. You should win the game, you are better than that aren’t you? Well the best thing from the game was the referee who couldn’t remember what the call was and that Earl Campbell was in the stands and we got to see some highlights of him if you know what we mean. Touchdown Tony Romo finally got his act together and threw the ball with a little more accuracy, if you know what we mean, and a little less throwing it to the other team if you know what we mean.
Finals Score the Cowgirls 27 the Texans 13 and the game wasn’t that close if you know what we mean.
Okay now we will move to the north and to the west. Oh watch out for that mountain. If fact we can all climb that mountain if we want so we can see down into the Stadium. This is the Home of the greatest College football player in the history of the NCAA, TIM TEBOW. Peyton Manning was overheard saying to Jeff Saturday “Did you know that before the boogey man goes to bed he checks his closet for TIM TEBOW” then Saturday responded “Did you know that TIM TEBOW hits blackjack with just one card” Then Joseph Addai spoke up and said “DID you know that Superman’s Weakness is Kryptonite and TIM TEBOW laughs at superman for even having a weakness.” TIM TEBOW Stats this week 0 carries for 0 yards 0 passes attempted 0 passes completed for 0 yards. Crap it is like he didn’t even get in the game.
Final Score the Colts 27 the Bronco’s 13 TIM TEBOW 0. Did you know that TIM TEBOW has counted to infinity twice….
Alright everyone please turn and take one step south, the one step to the West again. Now we find ourselves in Ari-Freaking –Zona. Riddle us this Batmen “How does a one point game become boring and unwatchable? Try 6 field goals made and 3 missed. Oh yea add the Cardinals and the Raiders and this was the worst game on CBS not just because there were 47 points scored, not just because there were 4 turnovers, not just because there were 18 penalties, not just because there were 11 punts.
Final Score the Raiders 23 the Cardinals 24. But all of those things rolled up into one game, thank God this game happens only once every 4 years.
Final for the Sunday day Game we will head back up North three Giant Steps that direction please, now one tine step West and we will be in Seattle home of the SheHawks. Just so that everyone knows there are three phases to the game we call football, Offense, Defense, and Special Team. And baby they don’t call them special because they are retarded. But right now the San Diego Charges are playing like a bunch of retards on kickoff coverage. Good Lord you have just scored to tie the game and it looked like head coach Norv Turner put a scarecrow, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (only when they were about 3 years old) Lindsey Lohan, the tooth Fairy, the Easter bunny, the Governor of New York David Patterson, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Kicker Nate Kaeding, and Generalissimo Francisco Franco on the kickoff coverage. Well you don’t have to be Billy “White Shoes” Johnson or Gayle Sayers to score on those people. And Pete Carroll gets another win. The really sad part about that is the Pete is working with a smaller payroll than he did at U$C…
Final Score the Chargers 20 the SheHawks 27. Good God Kermit the frog and Miss Piggy would have been better on coverage than the one Turner put out there.
And Last but certainly not least on Sunday we find the NEW YORK FOOTBALL JETS the best football in New York. Well they really don’t play in New York, they play in New Jersey. But this week they migrated down the coast to Miami. Mark Sanchez J E T S Quarterback was overheard saying to Braylon Edwards “he man sorry you can’t start, but we will give it to them in the end” And that they did, because in the third quarter near the end of the game Edwards caught a touchdown pass from Sanchez as he crossed the goal line he had just one finger held high in the air as if to say “We’re number one”. But we aren’t all together sure that was what he was alluding to. Late in the fourth quarter, Edwards was heard telling Sanchez “Hey Mark when I caught the ball I noticed some kind a smell on the ball it got on my finger. I was going to wash it off in that swimming pool for that Dolphin that they used to have here, but I couldn’t find it, so I just gave my glove to some fat kid in the stands. Man I liked those gloves but the stink on them was terrible.”
Final Score the J E T S 31 the Dolphins 23. Looks like Mark was giving Braylon a Dirty Sanchez.
And finally we have Da Bears. They stand 3 and 0 after the first three games. This week Mister Rogers’ neighborhood tried to go on vacation to Jelly Stone Park. Unfortunately the Packers came up a little short. Near the end of the game just after Da Bears had tied the score Yogi (AKA Lance Briggs) knocked the ball out of James Jones’ hands for a fumble. Boo boo (AKA Tim Jennings) scooped it up for the recovery. Green Bay Head coach Mike McCarthy exclaimed to the Official on the field “Hey they just stole our Pic-a-nic Basket. What are you going to do about it?” The official replied “After further review the ruling on the field stands Da Bear never left the woods and therefore was not out of bounds.” That allowed the Bears Kick Robbie Gould to kick a field goal to win the game.
Final Score the Packers 17 Da Bears 20. Coach McCarthy thought Ranger Smith would be on his side. But he wasn’t…
Well that will do it for us this week. We hope that you have enjoyed this week as much as before. Actually we just hope you enjoy reading some of our thought. So until next time….
Remember like we always say…
You show us everything you've got
You keep on dancin' and the room gets hot
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You say you wanna go for a spin
The party's just begun, we'll let you in
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
You keep on saying you'll be mine for a while
You're lookin' fancy and I like your style
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You show us everything you've got
Baby, baby that's quite a lot
And you drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 2 2010
Hello to everyone. And welcome to another addition of Stroll down the NFL Boulevard, quite possibly the only place in America to get commentary like this. We have lots to get to so let’s get it going. Expo can you turn it up!!!
Well let’s start at the bottom and the bottom this week appears to be covered by white hot pants a Blue halter top and white Cowgirl boots. What in the hell was that? Da Bears came to Dallas after getting a very shaky win over the Lions last week. Then looked like something that could hardly be considered a football on the first series. But all that changed mid way through the 1st quarter. The Cowgirls seem to play to their own weaknesses. When asked after the game why the team didn’t run the ball better? Wade Phillips exclaimed “We had our shoes on and we were trying but our foot to ground ratio wasn’t very good.” Yea right. Well we will tell you what was pretty good, and that was your ratio to the Birth Canal team of the week this week.
Final Score: Da Bears 27 the Cowgirls 20. We guess maybe Da Bears are this good…
Now we head to Tennessee to find the Steelers coming to town. What a game? Could this game been any better? We think it could have the only touchdown the Steelers scored was on a reverse on the opening kickoff. Nice? Sure. Consistent? Not hardly. If Pittsburg was holding on for the Jail Bait Lovin Ben Roethlisberger to get back in the lineup then they only have 2 more weeks. The Defense forced several things, 7 turnovers 5 punts, and lots of heartburn. Heartburn for Vince Young, heartburn for Jeff Fisher, heartburn for the entire organization, can they get a prevacid? Jeff Fisher took out Vice Young in favor of Kerry Collins but the result was the same. A loss against the Steelers.
Finals Score the Steelers 19 the Titans 11. You really have to work to get to 11 points…
Up next we head to Ohio to find the Bunguls inviting the Ravens to town. The Ravens were playing on a win after the Bunguls got kicked around last week; however the Delaware destroyer Joe Flacco found the orange and black 4 times for interceptions and with Ted Nugent favorite song if you can’t lick em… Lick em… blaring through the speaker his brother Mike Nugent kicked 5 field goals to win. Not sure how else we can sum this game up except to say that you can’t win with 4 interceptions.
Final Score the Ravens 10 the Bunguls 15. We guess that the Ravens got Cat scratched fever.
Let’s go to Detroit next and find the Beagles coming to town. The Lions are getting closer but are still just too far away without Matt Stafford. Shaun Hill has about as much chance at winning an NFL game as Matt Leinart. As close as the Lions have gotten, they are still that far away when they have turnovers, 2 more interceptions today. Michael “the Dog Killer” Vick had a nice game but 6 sacks will send him back to the sidelines right where he belongs, when Kevin Kolb comes back from his concussion hopefully.
Final Score the Beagles 35 the Lions 32. Missed it by this much…
Well let us head down south to hot-lanta. When did Ken Whisenhunt forget how to coach? When did his team just give up in a game? When did the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals just quit on a game, or a season or each other. The Falcons came into the game with fire in their eyes and gird in their loins to fight the Cardinals the full 60 minutes… Expo who is writing this crap? What? Can’t we just say what we think about this game? Why? Everyone needs equal time?
Final Score the Cardinals 7 the Falcons 41. This game sucked for everyone watching, if there was anyone watching.
Now we will head to the great state of Minnesota to find the great Brett Favre. The Viqueens won the time of possession battle 36 to 24. They won the first down battle 22 to 12. They won the total yard battle 226 to 364. The great Brett Favre was 22 for 36 for 225yards for no touchdowns and 3 interceptions. So let us add up all these stats… 5 add the one, carry the 2 and the subtract that 4…
Final Score the Dolphins 14 the Viqueens 10. What they didn’t win was the total points in the game…
Okay everyone needs to take cover for this next report. Don’t be the tallest one in the area. Duck and cover as the lighting will be coming down soon… Armageddon is upon us as the Kansas City Chiefs are 2 and 0. What is next in the world? Cats barking like dogs, Horses wearing people clothes, Babies driving cars? Our one saving grace is that Matt Cassel had three scoring drives for a total of 9 points and with an interception return for a touchdown the Chiefs scored a total of 16 points.
Final Score the Chiefs 16 the Brown Stains 14. Isn’t 16 points to be beat the Brown Stains? This week is was...
Time now for the Buccan Game. This week Josh Freeman was working from a checklist. Complete at least have of my passes, 12 of 24 check. Don’t throw any interceptions, Zero turnovers check. Use your legs to get out of trouble, 4 rushes for 43 yards check. Score in every quarter so the other team knows you are here, 2 touchdowns and 2 field goals check. Hand the ballgame over to that Spurlock guy who does all the crazy 30 day shows on TBS… What that is not the guy? Oh well they were playing the Panthers, and every beats them so far this season.
Final Score the Bucs 20 the Panthers 7… this might Qualify as the crappy game on Fox, only because the Panthers were in it…
Oh Wow the next game we will talk about…. Hummm what to say? What to say? Green Bay played real well, or maybe it was their opponent. Not that their opponent was any good. In the world of insignificant this team is up at the top. Mister Rogers Neighborhood was like a blood bath, we don’t remember ever seeing Mister Rogers inviting someone over to kick the crap out of someone. We don’t think they will be his neighbor… even if he says “Please wont you be my neighbor”
Final Score Bills 7 the Packers 34… We can’t say anything about Buffalo. So we won’t…
Hey now it is time to talk about the greatest College football player in the history of College football… Tim Tebow as everyone remembers was drafted by the Denver Bronco’s to run a special package in the red zone. Let us take a look at his stats… Well he did not have an interception, or a dropped pass, he did not even throw a pass. Well did had zero rushes for zero yards… did they really need Tim Tebow greatest college football player of all time? We guess not they were playing the SheHawks.
Final Score was the SheHawks 14 the Bronco’s 31. Hey Expo did he even get into the game?
Well we shall now head out West for what would be the game to settle nothing. With nothing on the line but pride both of these team showed that they didn’t have much. Sam Bradford is playing his little heart out but has about the same amount of talent around him has Jason Campbell does. It was really sad all summer long to hear how great the Raiders were going to be this season. We are still waiting on that, it is early but we are not sure the Darren McFadden and Steve Jackson aren’t about the same. With neither one of them being very good. The only thing the Raiders have going for them is that Bruce Gradkowski could come in for Jason Campbell.
Final Score the Ewes 14 the Raiders 16… someone wake me up when something exciting happens...
Okay well here we go again. In San Diego we find the funny quote of this day from David Garrard. “It was a terrible day at the office” Said Garrard who threw four interceptions. “It is a day that you don’t want to have. Honestly If I could erase it from my memory from today, I would, but we can’t” he probably couldn’t forget because after he went out because of poor play is back up got so shaken up that he couldn’t go back in so Garrard had to go back in and make his day even worse.
Final Score the Jaguars 13 the Chargers 38... Stay Classy San Diego…
Up next was a game that was needed desperately but the J E T S Jets Jets Jets... The Jets needed this game far more that the Patriots did, but the Pats came out fighting in the first half. Quarterback Tom Brady was heard while leaving the field at halftime saying “Gosh does this place stink, or is it just me?” Well three turnovers and 2 punts in the second half didn’t do much for New England. Except lose the game. Well Tom we think that maybe what you were smelling was coming from right under your nose. After the game Mark Sanchez was overheard asking Braylon Edwards “Who got a dirty Sanchez today?” to which Edwards replied “I don’t know who got it today but I am going to party like a rock star tonight”
Final Score the Pats 14 the J E T S 28. We think we know who got what…
And the final Day game of Sunday went a little extra before it was settled. The Texans went to Washington to kick butt and take names. In the first half they had no butt to kick and no name to take, however in the 2nd half the Texans found their way and took the names of Donavan McNabb and Mike Shanahan, then kicked their butts in overtime. We are not in favor of icing the kicker by calling a time out just before the ball is snapped. That move works about 10 percent of the time.
Final score in Overtime the Texans 30 the Deadskins 27 We guess this is the 1 time out of the next 10 it will work.
Sunday Night we had the Manning bowl. This game, like the rest of the bowl games are old and out of date. We guess the best thing from this game was the clips of Peyton and his sister Ellie on the pregame. “Who is your Favorite Quarterback?” Asked by the interviewer “My Daddy”. Cute in its own right. But wouldn’t have been funnier if little Ellie had of said”But who is your Daddy?” with an evil little laugh after… Well he didn’t but there was an evil little laugh coming from the stands after Brandon Jacobs threw his helmet in the stands. Have you ever heard the expression that he couldn’t hit the ground if he threw a rock at it? Well Jacobs threw his helmet at the ground then magically it stopped just inches from the ground and began to fly up in the stands. It almost hit someone 10 rows back. If it hadn’t been such a poor throw it might have hurt someone.
Final Score the G-Aints 14 the Colts 38. Hell the G-Aints couldn’t have it the broad side of a barn… Even with a helmet.
And Lastly on Monday night we find the New Orleans Saints visiting the 49ers into the refurbished super dome. Reggie Bush was excited about getting to play on a nationally televised game that he had the game of his life. Let us take a look at the stats of greatest running back in the history of football this week: 5 rushes for 4 yards with a long of 4 yards. That makes his stats 3 rushes for zero (0) yards. He also had 4 catches for 30 yards with a long of 11 yards and a touchdown not bad. But he had another fumble and capped that performance off with a broken leg which will keep him out for 4 to 6 weeks. How will the Saints hold on?
Final Score the Saints 25 the 49ers 22. How will the saints survive without Reggie Bush’s production or lack there of?
Well that is it for another week. We hope that you enjoy this as much as we enjoy putting it together. Don’t forget to comment good or bad all comments are welcome. And don’t be afraid to share what you see with anyone else who may enjoy as well.
And remember like we always say…
Now there was a time
When you loved me so
I could have been wrong
But now you needed to know
See, I've been a bad, bad, bad, bad man
And I'm in deep, Yes I am
I found a brand new love for this man
And I can't wait till you see I can't wait
So how you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
Remember the time
When I eat you up
You know that I wasn't lyin'
that you can't give up
So if I was to cheat
on you baby would you see right through me
If I sing a sad, sad, sad, sad song
would you give it to me
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
Does that make you love me baby
Does that make you want me baby
Does that make you love me baby
Does that make you want me baby
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
Well let’s start at the bottom and the bottom this week appears to be covered by white hot pants a Blue halter top and white Cowgirl boots. What in the hell was that? Da Bears came to Dallas after getting a very shaky win over the Lions last week. Then looked like something that could hardly be considered a football on the first series. But all that changed mid way through the 1st quarter. The Cowgirls seem to play to their own weaknesses. When asked after the game why the team didn’t run the ball better? Wade Phillips exclaimed “We had our shoes on and we were trying but our foot to ground ratio wasn’t very good.” Yea right. Well we will tell you what was pretty good, and that was your ratio to the Birth Canal team of the week this week.
Final Score: Da Bears 27 the Cowgirls 20. We guess maybe Da Bears are this good…
Now we head to Tennessee to find the Steelers coming to town. What a game? Could this game been any better? We think it could have the only touchdown the Steelers scored was on a reverse on the opening kickoff. Nice? Sure. Consistent? Not hardly. If Pittsburg was holding on for the Jail Bait Lovin Ben Roethlisberger to get back in the lineup then they only have 2 more weeks. The Defense forced several things, 7 turnovers 5 punts, and lots of heartburn. Heartburn for Vince Young, heartburn for Jeff Fisher, heartburn for the entire organization, can they get a prevacid? Jeff Fisher took out Vice Young in favor of Kerry Collins but the result was the same. A loss against the Steelers.
Finals Score the Steelers 19 the Titans 11. You really have to work to get to 11 points…
Up next we head to Ohio to find the Bunguls inviting the Ravens to town. The Ravens were playing on a win after the Bunguls got kicked around last week; however the Delaware destroyer Joe Flacco found the orange and black 4 times for interceptions and with Ted Nugent favorite song if you can’t lick em… Lick em… blaring through the speaker his brother Mike Nugent kicked 5 field goals to win. Not sure how else we can sum this game up except to say that you can’t win with 4 interceptions.
Final Score the Ravens 10 the Bunguls 15. We guess that the Ravens got Cat scratched fever.
Let’s go to Detroit next and find the Beagles coming to town. The Lions are getting closer but are still just too far away without Matt Stafford. Shaun Hill has about as much chance at winning an NFL game as Matt Leinart. As close as the Lions have gotten, they are still that far away when they have turnovers, 2 more interceptions today. Michael “the Dog Killer” Vick had a nice game but 6 sacks will send him back to the sidelines right where he belongs, when Kevin Kolb comes back from his concussion hopefully.
Final Score the Beagles 35 the Lions 32. Missed it by this much…
Well let us head down south to hot-lanta. When did Ken Whisenhunt forget how to coach? When did his team just give up in a game? When did the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals just quit on a game, or a season or each other. The Falcons came into the game with fire in their eyes and gird in their loins to fight the Cardinals the full 60 minutes… Expo who is writing this crap? What? Can’t we just say what we think about this game? Why? Everyone needs equal time?
Final Score the Cardinals 7 the Falcons 41. This game sucked for everyone watching, if there was anyone watching.
Now we will head to the great state of Minnesota to find the great Brett Favre. The Viqueens won the time of possession battle 36 to 24. They won the first down battle 22 to 12. They won the total yard battle 226 to 364. The great Brett Favre was 22 for 36 for 225yards for no touchdowns and 3 interceptions. So let us add up all these stats… 5 add the one, carry the 2 and the subtract that 4…
Final Score the Dolphins 14 the Viqueens 10. What they didn’t win was the total points in the game…
Okay everyone needs to take cover for this next report. Don’t be the tallest one in the area. Duck and cover as the lighting will be coming down soon… Armageddon is upon us as the Kansas City Chiefs are 2 and 0. What is next in the world? Cats barking like dogs, Horses wearing people clothes, Babies driving cars? Our one saving grace is that Matt Cassel had three scoring drives for a total of 9 points and with an interception return for a touchdown the Chiefs scored a total of 16 points.
Final Score the Chiefs 16 the Brown Stains 14. Isn’t 16 points to be beat the Brown Stains? This week is was...
Time now for the Buccan Game. This week Josh Freeman was working from a checklist. Complete at least have of my passes, 12 of 24 check. Don’t throw any interceptions, Zero turnovers check. Use your legs to get out of trouble, 4 rushes for 43 yards check. Score in every quarter so the other team knows you are here, 2 touchdowns and 2 field goals check. Hand the ballgame over to that Spurlock guy who does all the crazy 30 day shows on TBS… What that is not the guy? Oh well they were playing the Panthers, and every beats them so far this season.
Final Score the Bucs 20 the Panthers 7… this might Qualify as the crappy game on Fox, only because the Panthers were in it…
Oh Wow the next game we will talk about…. Hummm what to say? What to say? Green Bay played real well, or maybe it was their opponent. Not that their opponent was any good. In the world of insignificant this team is up at the top. Mister Rogers Neighborhood was like a blood bath, we don’t remember ever seeing Mister Rogers inviting someone over to kick the crap out of someone. We don’t think they will be his neighbor… even if he says “Please wont you be my neighbor”
Final Score Bills 7 the Packers 34… We can’t say anything about Buffalo. So we won’t…
Hey now it is time to talk about the greatest College football player in the history of College football… Tim Tebow as everyone remembers was drafted by the Denver Bronco’s to run a special package in the red zone. Let us take a look at his stats… Well he did not have an interception, or a dropped pass, he did not even throw a pass. Well did had zero rushes for zero yards… did they really need Tim Tebow greatest college football player of all time? We guess not they were playing the SheHawks.
Final Score was the SheHawks 14 the Bronco’s 31. Hey Expo did he even get into the game?
Well we shall now head out West for what would be the game to settle nothing. With nothing on the line but pride both of these team showed that they didn’t have much. Sam Bradford is playing his little heart out but has about the same amount of talent around him has Jason Campbell does. It was really sad all summer long to hear how great the Raiders were going to be this season. We are still waiting on that, it is early but we are not sure the Darren McFadden and Steve Jackson aren’t about the same. With neither one of them being very good. The only thing the Raiders have going for them is that Bruce Gradkowski could come in for Jason Campbell.
Final Score the Ewes 14 the Raiders 16…
Okay well here we go again. In San Diego we find the funny quote of this day from David Garrard. “It was a terrible day at the office” Said Garrard who threw four interceptions. “It is a day that you don’t want to have. Honestly If I could erase it from my memory from today, I would, but we can’t” he probably couldn’t forget because after he went out because of poor play is back up got so shaken up that he couldn’t go back in so Garrard had to go back in and make his day even worse.
Final Score the Jaguars 13 the Chargers 38... Stay Classy San Diego…
Up next was a game that was needed desperately but the J E T S Jets Jets Jets... The Jets needed this game far more that the Patriots did, but the Pats came out fighting in the first half. Quarterback Tom Brady was heard while leaving the field at halftime saying “Gosh does this place stink, or is it just me?” Well three turnovers and 2 punts in the second half didn’t do much for New England. Except lose the game. Well Tom we think that maybe what you were smelling was coming from right under your nose. After the game Mark Sanchez was overheard asking Braylon Edwards “Who got a dirty Sanchez today?” to which Edwards replied “I don’t know who got it today but I am going to party like a rock star tonight”
Final Score the Pats 14 the J E T S 28. We think we know who got what…
And the final Day game of Sunday went a little extra before it was settled. The Texans went to Washington to kick butt and take names. In the first half they had no butt to kick and no name to take, however in the 2nd half the Texans found their way and took the names of Donavan McNabb and Mike Shanahan, then kicked their butts in overtime. We are not in favor of icing the kicker by calling a time out just before the ball is snapped. That move works about 10 percent of the time.
Final score in Overtime the Texans 30 the Deadskins 27 We guess this is the 1 time out of the next 10 it will work.
Sunday Night we had the Manning bowl. This game, like the rest of the bowl games are old and out of date. We guess the best thing from this game was the clips of Peyton and his sister Ellie on the pregame. “Who is your Favorite Quarterback?” Asked by the interviewer “My Daddy”. Cute in its own right. But wouldn’t have been funnier if little Ellie had of said”But who is your Daddy?” with an evil little laugh after… Well he didn’t but there was an evil little laugh coming from the stands after Brandon Jacobs threw his helmet in the stands. Have you ever heard the expression that he couldn’t hit the ground if he threw a rock at it? Well Jacobs threw his helmet at the ground then magically it stopped just inches from the ground and began to fly up in the stands. It almost hit someone 10 rows back. If it hadn’t been such a poor throw it might have hurt someone.
Final Score the G-Aints 14 the Colts 38. Hell the G-Aints couldn’t have it the broad side of a barn… Even with a helmet.
And Lastly on Monday night we find the New Orleans Saints visiting the 49ers into the refurbished super dome. Reggie Bush was excited about getting to play on a nationally televised game that he had the game of his life. Let us take a look at the stats of greatest running back in the history of football this week: 5 rushes for 4 yards with a long of 4 yards. That makes his stats 3 rushes for zero (0) yards. He also had 4 catches for 30 yards with a long of 11 yards and a touchdown not bad. But he had another fumble and capped that performance off with a broken leg which will keep him out for 4 to 6 weeks. How will the Saints hold on?
Final Score the Saints 25 the 49ers 22. How will the saints survive without Reggie Bush’s production or lack there of?
Well that is it for another week. We hope that you enjoy this as much as we enjoy putting it together. Don’t forget to comment good or bad all comments are welcome. And don’t be afraid to share what you see with anyone else who may enjoy as well.
And remember like we always say…
Now there was a time
When you loved me so
I could have been wrong
But now you needed to know
See, I've been a bad, bad, bad, bad man
And I'm in deep, Yes I am
I found a brand new love for this man
And I can't wait till you see I can't wait
So how you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
Remember the time
When I eat you up
You know that I wasn't lyin'
that you can't give up
So if I was to cheat
on you baby would you see right through me
If I sing a sad, sad, sad, sad song
would you give it to me
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
Does that make you love me baby
Does that make you want me baby
Does that make you love me baby
Does that make you want me baby
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
Friday, September 17, 2010
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 1 2010
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard
Week 1 2010
Here we are ready to go for a new season. Let’s see if we can do better than the poor showing we had last season. So let’s check a few things to start the season: Has the Season started? Check. Expo are you here? Check. Did Bret Favre have trouble deciding if he was coming back for one more season? Check. Hey Expo Kick It!!!
First up we head to land down under. Under water that is. Katrina ravaged New Orleans played host to the first game of the season. The Superbowl champs invited back the Bret Favre lead Viqueens. This was supposed to be the redemption game for Favre who ended last season in the NFC Championship game with an interception. This week, with the game on the line, in the second half, “the super unretireable quarterback” had drives that ended punt, punt, punt, punt, and punt.
Final score the Viqueens 9 the Saints 14. 5 punts in the second half after gaining 55 yards maybe it is time to retire, again.
First up on Sunday we find ourselves at the bottom and can you get any lower than the Northwest? Home of the SheHawks. With New Coach Pete Carroll and a new attitude the SheHawks turned the team from San Francisco… well into little pink panty wearing little girls in football uniforms. Head Coach Mike Singletary was heard saying to his team in the locker, “Hey… Hey… I thought you guys wanted to win something today?” well if the number of punts equals the number of points, then you probably don’t deserve to win.
Final Score the 49ers 6 the SheHawks 31. And yes San Francisco you are this week’s Birth Canal team of the week at least they won that.
Next we head to Chicago where Da Bears took on the Lions. This was actually a good game. For the first time in a long time the Lions were competitive. But when Lions Head Coach Jim Schwartz got a call just before Half time, “Hey coach have you looked at the score board? We are leading the game, Can you believe this?” Well just as that call came out of the sky so did Julius Peppers and landed on Mathew Stafford knocking his shoulder out of its socket. After Stafford went out all the hopes of the Lions landed on Quarterback Shaun Hill. We know one thing with Shaun hill on the field the Lions didn’t have a chance of winning.
Final Score the Lions 14 da Bears 19. We still think that was a catch, we don’t care what the NFL says.
Heading to Tennessee we find the greatness of the Raiders in an old school AFL match up. For those that don’t know the Titans are the old Oilers from Houston, getting out of Houston is always a plus and Oilers did that a while back. Now if we could just get Al Davis out of Oakland. We think that the only way to get Al Davis out of Oakland is the same way to get a Kennedy out of a government office. Well the new Oilers have a new attitude with some familiar faces. Vince Young is passing and Chris Johnson is running and that is not good for the Raiders.
Final Score the Raiders 13 the Titans 38. Davis will have to die before he gives up ownership.
Up next we head to the brand new New York Giants Stadium in New Jersey. Is that an oxymoron? Something brand new in New Jersey, huh who would have thought it? We thought that New Jersey was full of old buildings, old cars, and old Ideas. Speaking of old ideas the New York Giants got back to an old idea and took the ball out of Ellie’s hand and put it in Brandon Jacobs’ and Ahmad Bradshaw capable hands. Ellie had 3 interceptions to go with his 3 touchdowns, not good at all.
Final Score the Panthers 18 the Giants 31. What a way to welcome a new stadium. Wonder who is buried in the west end zone of this one?
And now we get to the long awaited debut of…. Wait for it…. Wait For it…. Wait for it… The Greatest College Football player to ever play college football ever, Tim Tebow. We were so glad that Tim Tebow could play a home game in his professional debut as his team traveled to Jacksonville to play the Jaguars. As we all know the Denver Bronco’s drafted Tim Tebow to be their savior at quarterback, except he couldn’t beat out Kyle Orton, then we just knew he was going to run wild all over the Jacksonville Defense in the Wildcat. So let’s check out his Stats. Oh he had 2 rushes for 2 yards with a long of 1 yard. What a way to start. We guess there is only one way to go from here…
Final Score the Bronco’s 17 the Jag’s 24. Hey Tim Tebow you only have 998 more yards to get to 1000…
If someone were to tell us that Peyton Manning throw the ball 57 times we would say cool. If someone were to tell us that Bob Sanders would play about as much football the last 2 years as Colonel Sanders we would say “okay we can dig it.” But f you were to tell us the Houston Texans would open the season by winning a game against the Indianapolis Colts we would have told you that you were out of your mind. We don’t think that this is a trend that will continue because we are talking about Houston here. While Peyton was throwing 57 times Texan Quarterback Matt Schaub threw 17 times completing only 9. A Banner day don’t you think. Lucky for Houston that the Colt defense couldn’t tackle Betty White on Sunday as Arian Foster Ran wild on them for 231 yards
Final Score the Colts 24 the Texans 34. Have the Colts fallen this far??
If there was going to be just one game go to overtime who would have thought that the game with Pittsburg in it would be the one. The Falldowns played hard to secure 9 whole points on 3 field goals The Steelers played true to their name and stole the game in overtime. Not much to say about this game except that it got us 1 game closer to the return of Big Ben “I am going to hit on your daughter even if she is 12 years old and just coming out of the bathroom” Roethlisberger. This game was pretty boring… and some fans wanted to watch baseball except that they would have to watch the Pittsburg Pirates. And Hell anything is better than watching the Pirates play.
Final Score the Atlanta Falldowns 9 the Steelers 15. 15 to 9. What a wonderful way to end a perfectly crappy game.
We heard a viscous ugly rumor that Bill Tuna Cakes Parcells has stepped back from the Dolphins organization early last week. He Stated that he had done all he could do with the team and that it was up to the people he put in place to finish the job. So let us get this straight… Ole Tuna Cakes quits on his team saying that he has done all he can do for them. He is a little tired of the daily grind which can take its toll on a person. But he is going to step back and become a daily consultant. We think he has been a daily consultant the whole time. And just look at the team he has built the last 2 years. From 1 and 15 to 11 and 5 then 7 and 9 don’t worry about that slip. Well the best thing we can say is at least he wasn’t a distraction during any game including this one.
Final Score the Dolphins 15 and the Bills 10. Maybe the Bills need to be distracted?
And now we head over to what could possibly be the worst state for Pro Football Ohio. The Cincinnati Bunguls thought they were going to the superbowl after this season. However they have a better shot a missing the playoffs than they do making the playoffs. The Bunguls have shown what they are made of. And it is not snails, shells and puppy dog tails. But it is something from a puppy dog… The Patriots on the other hand were feeling no ill effects from the car crash the Tom “Terrific” Brady was in late last week. The Bunguls made it closer than it was.
Final Score the Bunguls 24 the Patriots 38. Wonder if Bill Bella-cheat had film on the Bunguls practices?
Next we head down south and find that they do have Brown Stains in Florida, at least when Cleveland comes to town. We are not sure how many times we have to say this, but one more will not hurt, this game is four quarters long. If you are going to play, you have to play for four quarters. We don’t think that 2 turnovers, 4 punts and 2 turnovers on downs is competing for a 2 quarters. Heck this game could have went down as a tie and no one would have known.
Final Score the Brown Stains 14 the Buccaneers 17. Did anyone even see the highlights?? Or Lowlights we should say…
Welcome to Mister Rogers’s neighborhood, this week Mr. Rogers visited his friends in the city of brotherly shove Philadelphia. As this game starred a special guest: Michael Vick (dog Killer extraordinaire) was on display for all to see. We wish nothing but Failure upon the man that reeked such havoc on man’s best friend. But that is our opinion and only our opinion. Nothing funny about this game except did anyone see that Beagle Stewart Bradley stumble and fall?? That was pretty funny.
Final score The Packers 27 the Beagles 20. Fitting that Vick the dog killer plays for the Beagles huh?
In the last of the day games we had the St Louis Ewes inviting over their former team the Arizona Cardinals for a little who wants to win less than I do? With stats like this it is hard to tell who wanted it less as the teams combined for 12 punts, 9 fumbles – 5 fumbles lost, 3 interceptions and 4 sacks. The one thing we didn’t have to worry about was Matt Leinart. As he was cut before the season starts. We did have to endure the stellar play of journey man Derek Anderson for the Cardinals and the number 1 pick Sam Bradford. In a game that will certainly decide last place in the NFC West this one was a doosie.
Final Score the Cardinals 17 the Ewes 13. Even showing the highlights of this game to blind kids would have been a crime against humanity…
Lastly we find the Cowgirls going to Washington to take on the Deadskins. Just so everyone knows this loss is squarely on Bill Parcells. Old Tuna Cakes himself. You see if he had not drafted Bobby Carpenter in the first round a couple of years the Cowgirls would not have had to trade him to St Louis for Alex Barron. And if Alex Barron wasn’t on the field he would not have been caught holding Brian Orakpo on the final play of the game in which Tony Romo threw a touchdown to Roy Williams of all people. Does this make sense people? If we were Wade Phillips we would have told Alex Barron he was not allowed in the locker room and just left without him. This guy should have been cut in Training camp like some cancerous mole you find on your neck after a long summer in the sun. It spoiled the otherwise great night of new Deadskin QB Donovan McNabb who was 15 of 32 for 171 yards and one sack. Was that nice or what.
Final Score the Cowgirls 7 the Deadskins 13. There were no winners in this game only one team didn’t lose as much as the other one did.
First up on Monday we found the J E T S Jets Jets Jets. And their awesome coach Rex Ryan. Hard knocks really put them and the spot light and what we learned from it was that Rex Ryan needs to shut up a lot more than he does. Like Father like son we guess. Or more over he was way up in the Jerk tree before he fell out and we think he hit every branch on the way down. Mark Sanchez the greatest Quarterback in Jets history while Ryan has been the head coach (which isn’t saying much) played to the level of a 6th grade kid trying to play in high school. And High schoolers was about what the Jets looked like out there. But maybe just maybe it was the Baltimore Ravens that made them look like that.
Final Score the Ravens 10 the JETS 9. Somebody got a dirty Sanchez we think it might have been the fans of the JETS…
And lastly we find the Chargers renewing another old AFL Rivalry against the Chiefs. It only took 2 years to get all the Herm Edwards out of the Chiefs system. And they only did for one game so far. Chief quarterback Matt Cassel had a spectacular game going 10 completions on 22 attempts for 68 yards. On his way to 4000 yards this season he is off to a strong start, only 3932 more yards to go. We think the Chargers were shocked (pun intended) to see the Chiefs play as well as they did. But giving up a punt return for a touchdown was not good and it turned out to be the play of the game. Hey Chargers this game is about Tackleling, and Blocking everything starts and ends there. If you can’t do that then why play the game?
Final Score the Chargers 14 the chiefs 21. First winning record for the Chiefs in a long time. But their record is 1 and 0.
Well that puts the first week in the books. We are getting back into the swing and hopefully things will be better in the coming weeks. Thanks to everyone who has been a part of this one.
And remember like we always say…
Ring my friend, I said you call Doctor Robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, Doctor Robert
If you're down he'll pick you up, Doctor Robert
Take a drink from his special cup, Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need
No one can succeed like Doctor Robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... Doctor Robert
My friend works for the national health, Doctor Robert
Don't pay money just to see yourself with Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, Doctor Robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, I said you call Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, I said you call Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert
Week 1 2010
Here we are ready to go for a new season. Let’s see if we can do better than the poor showing we had last season. So let’s check a few things to start the season: Has the Season started? Check. Expo are you here? Check. Did Bret Favre have trouble deciding if he was coming back for one more season? Check. Hey Expo Kick It!!!
First up we head to land down under. Under water that is. Katrina ravaged New Orleans played host to the first game of the season. The Superbowl champs invited back the Bret Favre lead Viqueens. This was supposed to be the redemption game for Favre who ended last season in the NFC Championship game with an interception. This week, with the game on the line, in the second half, “the super unretireable quarterback” had drives that ended punt, punt, punt, punt, and punt.
Final score the Viqueens 9 the Saints 14. 5 punts in the second half after gaining 55 yards maybe it is time to retire, again.
First up on Sunday we find ourselves at the bottom and can you get any lower than the Northwest? Home of the SheHawks. With New Coach Pete Carroll and a new attitude the SheHawks turned the team from San Francisco… well into little pink panty wearing little girls in football uniforms. Head Coach Mike Singletary was heard saying to his team in the locker, “Hey… Hey… I thought you guys wanted to win something today?” well if the number of punts equals the number of points, then you probably don’t deserve to win.
Final Score the 49ers 6 the SheHawks 31. And yes San Francisco you are this week’s Birth Canal team of the week at least they won that.
Next we head to Chicago where Da Bears took on the Lions. This was actually a good game. For the first time in a long time the Lions were competitive. But when Lions Head Coach Jim Schwartz got a call just before Half time, “Hey coach have you looked at the score board? We are leading the game, Can you believe this?” Well just as that call came out of the sky so did Julius Peppers and landed on Mathew Stafford knocking his shoulder out of its socket. After Stafford went out all the hopes of the Lions landed on Quarterback Shaun Hill. We know one thing with Shaun hill on the field the Lions didn’t have a chance of winning.
Final Score the Lions 14 da Bears 19. We still think that was a catch, we don’t care what the NFL says.
Heading to Tennessee we find the greatness of the Raiders in an old school AFL match up. For those that don’t know the Titans are the old Oilers from Houston, getting out of Houston is always a plus and Oilers did that a while back. Now if we could just get Al Davis out of Oakland. We think that the only way to get Al Davis out of Oakland is the same way to get a Kennedy out of a government office. Well the new Oilers have a new attitude with some familiar faces. Vince Young is passing and Chris Johnson is running and that is not good for the Raiders.
Final Score the Raiders 13 the Titans 38. Davis will have to die before he gives up ownership.
Up next we head to the brand new New York Giants Stadium in New Jersey. Is that an oxymoron? Something brand new in New Jersey, huh who would have thought it? We thought that New Jersey was full of old buildings, old cars, and old Ideas. Speaking of old ideas the New York Giants got back to an old idea and took the ball out of Ellie’s hand and put it in Brandon Jacobs’ and Ahmad Bradshaw capable hands. Ellie had 3 interceptions to go with his 3 touchdowns, not good at all.
Final Score the Panthers 18 the Giants 31. What a way to welcome a new stadium. Wonder who is buried in the west end zone of this one?
And now we get to the long awaited debut of…. Wait for it…. Wait For it…. Wait for it… The Greatest College Football player to ever play college football ever, Tim Tebow. We were so glad that Tim Tebow could play a home game in his professional debut as his team traveled to Jacksonville to play the Jaguars. As we all know the Denver Bronco’s drafted Tim Tebow to be their savior at quarterback, except he couldn’t beat out Kyle Orton, then we just knew he was going to run wild all over the Jacksonville Defense in the Wildcat. So let’s check out his Stats. Oh he had 2 rushes for 2 yards with a long of 1 yard. What a way to start. We guess there is only one way to go from here…
Final Score the Bronco’s 17 the Jag’s 24. Hey Tim Tebow you only have 998 more yards to get to 1000…
If someone were to tell us that Peyton Manning throw the ball 57 times we would say cool. If someone were to tell us that Bob Sanders would play about as much football the last 2 years as Colonel Sanders we would say “okay we can dig it.” But f you were to tell us the Houston Texans would open the season by winning a game against the Indianapolis Colts we would have told you that you were out of your mind. We don’t think that this is a trend that will continue because we are talking about Houston here. While Peyton was throwing 57 times Texan Quarterback Matt Schaub threw 17 times completing only 9. A Banner day don’t you think. Lucky for Houston that the Colt defense couldn’t tackle Betty White on Sunday as Arian Foster Ran wild on them for 231 yards
Final Score the Colts 24 the Texans 34. Have the Colts fallen this far??
If there was going to be just one game go to overtime who would have thought that the game with Pittsburg in it would be the one. The Falldowns played hard to secure 9 whole points on 3 field goals The Steelers played true to their name and stole the game in overtime. Not much to say about this game except that it got us 1 game closer to the return of Big Ben “I am going to hit on your daughter even if she is 12 years old and just coming out of the bathroom” Roethlisberger. This game was pretty boring… and some fans wanted to watch baseball except that they would have to watch the Pittsburg Pirates. And Hell anything is better than watching the Pirates play.
Final Score the Atlanta Falldowns 9 the Steelers 15. 15 to 9. What a wonderful way to end a perfectly crappy game.
We heard a viscous ugly rumor that Bill Tuna Cakes Parcells has stepped back from the Dolphins organization early last week. He Stated that he had done all he could do with the team and that it was up to the people he put in place to finish the job. So let us get this straight… Ole Tuna Cakes quits on his team saying that he has done all he can do for them. He is a little tired of the daily grind which can take its toll on a person. But he is going to step back and become a daily consultant. We think he has been a daily consultant the whole time. And just look at the team he has built the last 2 years. From 1 and 15 to 11 and 5 then 7 and 9 don’t worry about that slip. Well the best thing we can say is at least he wasn’t a distraction during any game including this one.
Final Score the Dolphins 15 and the Bills 10. Maybe the Bills need to be distracted?
And now we head over to what could possibly be the worst state for Pro Football Ohio. The Cincinnati Bunguls thought they were going to the superbowl after this season. However they have a better shot a missing the playoffs than they do making the playoffs. The Bunguls have shown what they are made of. And it is not snails, shells and puppy dog tails. But it is something from a puppy dog… The Patriots on the other hand were feeling no ill effects from the car crash the Tom “Terrific” Brady was in late last week. The Bunguls made it closer than it was.
Final Score the Bunguls 24 the Patriots 38. Wonder if Bill Bella-cheat had film on the Bunguls practices?
Next we head down south and find that they do have Brown Stains in Florida, at least when Cleveland comes to town. We are not sure how many times we have to say this, but one more will not hurt, this game is four quarters long. If you are going to play, you have to play for four quarters. We don’t think that 2 turnovers, 4 punts and 2 turnovers on downs is competing for a 2 quarters. Heck this game could have went down as a tie and no one would have known.
Final Score the Brown Stains 14 the Buccaneers 17. Did anyone even see the highlights?? Or Lowlights we should say…
Welcome to Mister Rogers’s neighborhood, this week Mr. Rogers visited his friends in the city of brotherly shove Philadelphia. As this game starred a special guest: Michael Vick (dog Killer extraordinaire) was on display for all to see. We wish nothing but Failure upon the man that reeked such havoc on man’s best friend. But that is our opinion and only our opinion. Nothing funny about this game except did anyone see that Beagle Stewart Bradley stumble and fall?? That was pretty funny.
Final score The Packers 27 the Beagles 20. Fitting that Vick the dog killer plays for the Beagles huh?
In the last of the day games we had the St Louis Ewes inviting over their former team the Arizona Cardinals for a little who wants to win less than I do? With stats like this it is hard to tell who wanted it less as the teams combined for 12 punts, 9 fumbles – 5 fumbles lost, 3 interceptions and 4 sacks. The one thing we didn’t have to worry about was Matt Leinart. As he was cut before the season starts. We did have to endure the stellar play of journey man Derek Anderson for the Cardinals and the number 1 pick Sam Bradford. In a game that will certainly decide last place in the NFC West this one was a doosie.
Final Score the Cardinals 17 the Ewes 13. Even showing the highlights of this game to blind kids would have been a crime against humanity…
Lastly we find the Cowgirls going to Washington to take on the Deadskins. Just so everyone knows this loss is squarely on Bill Parcells. Old Tuna Cakes himself. You see if he had not drafted Bobby Carpenter in the first round a couple of years the Cowgirls would not have had to trade him to St Louis for Alex Barron. And if Alex Barron wasn’t on the field he would not have been caught holding Brian Orakpo on the final play of the game in which Tony Romo threw a touchdown to Roy Williams of all people. Does this make sense people? If we were Wade Phillips we would have told Alex Barron he was not allowed in the locker room and just left without him. This guy should have been cut in Training camp like some cancerous mole you find on your neck after a long summer in the sun. It spoiled the otherwise great night of new Deadskin QB Donovan McNabb who was 15 of 32 for 171 yards and one sack. Was that nice or what.
Final Score the Cowgirls 7 the Deadskins 13. There were no winners in this game only one team didn’t lose as much as the other one did.
First up on Monday we found the J E T S Jets Jets Jets. And their awesome coach Rex Ryan. Hard knocks really put them and the spot light and what we learned from it was that Rex Ryan needs to shut up a lot more than he does. Like Father like son we guess. Or more over he was way up in the Jerk tree before he fell out and we think he hit every branch on the way down. Mark Sanchez the greatest Quarterback in Jets history while Ryan has been the head coach (which isn’t saying much) played to the level of a 6th grade kid trying to play in high school. And High schoolers was about what the Jets looked like out there. But maybe just maybe it was the Baltimore Ravens that made them look like that.
Final Score the Ravens 10 the JETS 9. Somebody got a dirty Sanchez we think it might have been the fans of the JETS…
And lastly we find the Chargers renewing another old AFL Rivalry against the Chiefs. It only took 2 years to get all the Herm Edwards out of the Chiefs system. And they only did for one game so far. Chief quarterback Matt Cassel had a spectacular game going 10 completions on 22 attempts for 68 yards. On his way to 4000 yards this season he is off to a strong start, only 3932 more yards to go. We think the Chargers were shocked (pun intended) to see the Chiefs play as well as they did. But giving up a punt return for a touchdown was not good and it turned out to be the play of the game. Hey Chargers this game is about Tackleling, and Blocking everything starts and ends there. If you can’t do that then why play the game?
Final Score the Chargers 14 the chiefs 21. First winning record for the Chiefs in a long time. But their record is 1 and 0.
Well that puts the first week in the books. We are getting back into the swing and hopefully things will be better in the coming weeks. Thanks to everyone who has been a part of this one.
And remember like we always say…
Ring my friend, I said you call Doctor Robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, Doctor Robert
If you're down he'll pick you up, Doctor Robert
Take a drink from his special cup, Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need
No one can succeed like Doctor Robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... Doctor Robert
My friend works for the national health, Doctor Robert
Don't pay money just to see yourself with Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, Doctor Robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, I said you call Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, I said you call Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert
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