Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 1 2010

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard
Week 1 2010

Here we are ready to go for a new season. Let’s see if we can do better than the poor showing we had last season. So let’s check a few things to start the season: Has the Season started? Check. Expo are you here? Check. Did Bret Favre have trouble deciding if he was coming back for one more season? Check. Hey Expo Kick It!!!
First up we head to land down under. Under water that is. Katrina ravaged New Orleans played host to the first game of the season. The Superbowl champs invited back the Bret Favre lead Viqueens. This was supposed to be the redemption game for Favre who ended last season in the NFC Championship game with an interception. This week, with the game on the line, in the second half, “the super unretireable quarterback” had drives that ended punt, punt, punt, punt, and punt.
Final score the Viqueens 9 the Saints 14. 5 punts in the second half after gaining 55 yards maybe it is time to retire, again.
First up on Sunday we find ourselves at the bottom and can you get any lower than the Northwest? Home of the SheHawks. With New Coach Pete Carroll and a new attitude the SheHawks turned the team from San Francisco… well into little pink panty wearing little girls in football uniforms. Head Coach Mike Singletary was heard saying to his team in the locker, “Hey… Hey… I thought you guys wanted to win something today?” well if the number of punts equals the number of points, then you probably don’t deserve to win.
Final Score the 49ers 6 the SheHawks 31. And yes San Francisco you are this week’s Birth Canal team of the week at least they won that.
Next we head to Chicago where Da Bears took on the Lions. This was actually a good game. For the first time in a long time the Lions were competitive. But when Lions Head Coach Jim Schwartz got a call just before Half time, “Hey coach have you looked at the score board? We are leading the game, Can you believe this?” Well just as that call came out of the sky so did Julius Peppers and landed on Mathew Stafford knocking his shoulder out of its socket. After Stafford went out all the hopes of the Lions landed on Quarterback Shaun Hill. We know one thing with Shaun hill on the field the Lions didn’t have a chance of winning.
Final Score the Lions 14 da Bears 19. We still think that was a catch, we don’t care what the NFL says.

Heading to Tennessee we find the greatness of the Raiders in an old school AFL match up. For those that don’t know the Titans are the old Oilers from Houston, getting out of Houston is always a plus and Oilers did that a while back. Now if we could just get Al Davis out of Oakland. We think that the only way to get Al Davis out of Oakland is the same way to get a Kennedy out of a government office. Well the new Oilers have a new attitude with some familiar faces. Vince Young is passing and Chris Johnson is running and that is not good for the Raiders.
Final Score the Raiders 13 the Titans 38. Davis will have to die before he gives up ownership.
Up next we head to the brand new New York Giants Stadium in New Jersey. Is that an oxymoron? Something brand new in New Jersey, huh who would have thought it? We thought that New Jersey was full of old buildings, old cars, and old Ideas. Speaking of old ideas the New York Giants got back to an old idea and took the ball out of Ellie’s hand and put it in Brandon Jacobs’ and Ahmad Bradshaw capable hands. Ellie had 3 interceptions to go with his 3 touchdowns, not good at all.
Final Score the Panthers 18 the Giants 31. What a way to welcome a new stadium. Wonder who is buried in the west end zone of this one?

And now we get to the long awaited debut of…. Wait for it…. Wait For it…. Wait for it… The Greatest College Football player to ever play college football ever, Tim Tebow. We were so glad that Tim Tebow could play a home game in his professional debut as his team traveled to Jacksonville to play the Jaguars. As we all know the Denver Bronco’s drafted Tim Tebow to be their savior at quarterback, except he couldn’t beat out Kyle Orton, then we just knew he was going to run wild all over the Jacksonville Defense in the Wildcat. So let’s check out his Stats. Oh he had 2 rushes for 2 yards with a long of 1 yard. What a way to start. We guess there is only one way to go from here…
Final Score the Bronco’s 17 the Jag’s 24. Hey Tim Tebow you only have 998 more yards to get to 1000…

If someone were to tell us that Peyton Manning throw the ball 57 times we would say cool. If someone were to tell us that Bob Sanders would play about as much football the last 2 years as Colonel Sanders we would say “okay we can dig it.” But f you were to tell us the Houston Texans would open the season by winning a game against the Indianapolis Colts we would have told you that you were out of your mind. We don’t think that this is a trend that will continue because we are talking about Houston here. While Peyton was throwing 57 times Texan Quarterback Matt Schaub threw 17 times completing only 9. A Banner day don’t you think. Lucky for Houston that the Colt defense couldn’t tackle Betty White on Sunday as Arian Foster Ran wild on them for 231 yards
Final Score the Colts 24 the Texans 34. Have the Colts fallen this far??
If there was going to be just one game go to overtime who would have thought that the game with Pittsburg in it would be the one. The Falldowns played hard to secure 9 whole points on 3 field goals The Steelers played true to their name and stole the game in overtime. Not much to say about this game except that it got us 1 game closer to the return of Big Ben “I am going to hit on your daughter even if she is 12 years old and just coming out of the bathroom” Roethlisberger. This game was pretty boring… and some fans wanted to watch baseball except that they would have to watch the Pittsburg Pirates. And Hell anything is better than watching the Pirates play.
Final Score the Atlanta Falldowns 9 the Steelers 15. 15 to 9. What a wonderful way to end a perfectly crappy game.

We heard a viscous ugly rumor that Bill Tuna Cakes Parcells has stepped back from the Dolphins organization early last week. He Stated that he had done all he could do with the team and that it was up to the people he put in place to finish the job. So let us get this straight… Ole Tuna Cakes quits on his team saying that he has done all he can do for them. He is a little tired of the daily grind which can take its toll on a person. But he is going to step back and become a daily consultant. We think he has been a daily consultant the whole time. And just look at the team he has built the last 2 years. From 1 and 15 to 11 and 5 then 7 and 9 don’t worry about that slip. Well the best thing we can say is at least he wasn’t a distraction during any game including this one.
Final Score the Dolphins 15 and the Bills 10. Maybe the Bills need to be distracted?

And now we head over to what could possibly be the worst state for Pro Football Ohio. The Cincinnati Bunguls thought they were going to the superbowl after this season. However they have a better shot a missing the playoffs than they do making the playoffs. The Bunguls have shown what they are made of. And it is not snails, shells and puppy dog tails. But it is something from a puppy dog… The Patriots on the other hand were feeling no ill effects from the car crash the Tom “Terrific” Brady was in late last week. The Bunguls made it closer than it was.
Final Score the Bunguls 24 the Patriots 38. Wonder if Bill Bella-cheat had film on the Bunguls practices?
Next we head down south and find that they do have Brown Stains in Florida, at least when Cleveland comes to town. We are not sure how many times we have to say this, but one more will not hurt, this game is four quarters long. If you are going to play, you have to play for four quarters. We don’t think that 2 turnovers, 4 punts and 2 turnovers on downs is competing for a 2 quarters. Heck this game could have went down as a tie and no one would have known.
Final Score the Brown Stains 14 the Buccaneers 17. Did anyone even see the highlights?? Or Lowlights we should say…
Welcome to Mister Rogers’s neighborhood, this week Mr. Rogers visited his friends in the city of brotherly shove Philadelphia. As this game starred a special guest: Michael Vick (dog Killer extraordinaire) was on display for all to see. We wish nothing but Failure upon the man that reeked such havoc on man’s best friend. But that is our opinion and only our opinion. Nothing funny about this game except did anyone see that Beagle Stewart Bradley stumble and fall?? That was pretty funny.
Final score The Packers 27 the Beagles 20. Fitting that Vick the dog killer plays for the Beagles huh?

In the last of the day games we had the St Louis Ewes inviting over their former team the Arizona Cardinals for a little who wants to win less than I do? With stats like this it is hard to tell who wanted it less as the teams combined for 12 punts, 9 fumbles – 5 fumbles lost, 3 interceptions and 4 sacks. The one thing we didn’t have to worry about was Matt Leinart. As he was cut before the season starts. We did have to endure the stellar play of journey man Derek Anderson for the Cardinals and the number 1 pick Sam Bradford. In a game that will certainly decide last place in the NFC West this one was a doosie.
Final Score the Cardinals 17 the Ewes 13. Even showing the highlights of this game to blind kids would have been a crime against humanity…

Lastly we find the Cowgirls going to Washington to take on the Deadskins. Just so everyone knows this loss is squarely on Bill Parcells. Old Tuna Cakes himself. You see if he had not drafted Bobby Carpenter in the first round a couple of years the Cowgirls would not have had to trade him to St Louis for Alex Barron. And if Alex Barron wasn’t on the field he would not have been caught holding Brian Orakpo on the final play of the game in which Tony Romo threw a touchdown to Roy Williams of all people. Does this make sense people? If we were Wade Phillips we would have told Alex Barron he was not allowed in the locker room and just left without him. This guy should have been cut in Training camp like some cancerous mole you find on your neck after a long summer in the sun. It spoiled the otherwise great night of new Deadskin QB Donovan McNabb who was 15 of 32 for 171 yards and one sack. Was that nice or what.
Final Score the Cowgirls 7 the Deadskins 13. There were no winners in this game only one team didn’t lose as much as the other one did.

First up on Monday we found the J E T S Jets Jets Jets. And their awesome coach Rex Ryan. Hard knocks really put them and the spot light and what we learned from it was that Rex Ryan needs to shut up a lot more than he does. Like Father like son we guess. Or more over he was way up in the Jerk tree before he fell out and we think he hit every branch on the way down. Mark Sanchez the greatest Quarterback in Jets history while Ryan has been the head coach (which isn’t saying much) played to the level of a 6th grade kid trying to play in high school. And High schoolers was about what the Jets looked like out there. But maybe just maybe it was the Baltimore Ravens that made them look like that.
Final Score the Ravens 10 the JETS 9. Somebody got a dirty Sanchez we think it might have been the fans of the JETS…
And lastly we find the Chargers renewing another old AFL Rivalry against the Chiefs. It only took 2 years to get all the Herm Edwards out of the Chiefs system. And they only did for one game so far. Chief quarterback Matt Cassel had a spectacular game going 10 completions on 22 attempts for 68 yards. On his way to 4000 yards this season he is off to a strong start, only 3932 more yards to go. We think the Chargers were shocked (pun intended) to see the Chiefs play as well as they did. But giving up a punt return for a touchdown was not good and it turned out to be the play of the game. Hey Chargers this game is about Tackleling, and Blocking everything starts and ends there. If you can’t do that then why play the game?
Final Score the Chargers 14 the chiefs 21. First winning record for the Chiefs in a long time. But their record is 1 and 0.

Well that puts the first week in the books. We are getting back into the swing and hopefully things will be better in the coming weeks. Thanks to everyone who has been a part of this one.
And remember like we always say…

Ring my friend, I said you call Doctor Robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, Doctor Robert

If you're down he'll pick you up, Doctor Robert
Take a drink from his special cup, Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need
No one can succeed like Doctor Robert

Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... Doctor Robert

My friend works for the national health, Doctor Robert
Don't pay money just to see yourself with Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, Doctor Robert

Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... Doctor Robert

Ring my friend, I said you call Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, I said you call Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert