Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 3
Here we are; finally we are starting to see things in our tea leaves. Things are getting better for some teams and getting worse for others. After the first three weeks we find ourselves 1 week away from one fourth of the season being over. We guess it is time for us to get back on track as well. We are sorry for all the delays, but as you can see time marches on so gets get going before we find ourselves behind again. Expo Kick it.
Well, starting at the bottom we find the Cleveland Browns. Oh my goodness is this team in disarray? This is not funny. Any joke here would be in poor taste and currently the Mangenius is very confused. This is not confusing; the “Brown Stains” are scoring just under 10 points a game. They are giving up nearly 32 points a game, not good. Someone once said “When you find clothes with Brown Stains, that you can’t get out, you have to donate them to Goodwill.”
Final Score the Brown Stains 3 the Ravens 34. Thanks for the Quote Mom.
Staying on the bottom we find the Buccan game. This is also this week’s Crappy game on the Fox. Of coarse it was not crappy for the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS. Ellie came to play and it was obvious that the Bucs came to lay down and get walked on. The Buccaneers did their best impression of a welcome mat. Hideous doesn’t come close to a word that describes this game.
Final Score the NYFG 24 the Bucs0. Are we down to two bits an ear yet?
While we are still on the bottom we might as well talk about the crappy game on CBS. Well we have decided that Kansas City needs a few things let’s go over the list shall we? First off they need a new GM, Head Coach, Quarterback, offensive scheme, some defensive players, a new stadium to play in, Humm can we think of any thing else? Philadelphia Head Coach finally found his Quarterback Kevin Kolb. Who has the facts?
We have the facts. Name the first Quarterback in the history of the NFL to throw for more than 300 yards in his first 2 starts?
Final Score The Chiefs 14 the Beagles 34. The answer is Kevin Kolb. Look it up.
Up next we head to a town that has been ravaged by unemployment. The troubles of Detroit have been told till the News Outlets are blue in the face. The Most important stat to remember is that Detroit was 0 and 19. Until that is, Jim Zorn brought his team to town. For that all of Detroit is truly thankful. Hollywood could not have written a better script for this game. After the game Jim Zorn was asked how he felt about the game. “Well I am happy that Detroit won a game I am sad that it was against us.” “Do I think we could have played better??? Well I think so but I don’t think that this was the change people were looking for in Washington.” Well Coach here’s to you… Your team played to the level that we can only describe as one thing, this weeks Birth Canal Team of the week!!!
Final Score the Deadskins 14 the Lions 19. The Lions win a game. It’s been a long time since we could say that…
Staying close to the bottom we find the Raiders. This team has been looking like it just doesn’t know what game it is playing. Are the playing kick the Can, or guess how many fingers Al Davis is holding up behind his back? If they re playing kick the can then they need to quit being the can. Well this week the Bronco’s of all people came and kicked the cans of the Raiders. And now with head Coach Tom Cable under investigation for fighting with the assistant coaches nothing is going well. Can this season end fast enough for Al Davis?
Final Score the Bronco’s 23 the Raiders 3. At least they scored 3 points?
Next up we go to the State of misery. Home to the some of the worst football in the league, other than possibly Montana there may not be a state with worse professional Football. This state sports the never do well Chiefs and the Ewes. This week even Ewes Quarterback Mark Bulger couldn’t stand it any longer, and like a guy on hold at he suicide prevention hotline, he just gave up. When he laid down at the end of the first quarter and the packers fell on him. It bruised his shoulder so bad that he had to leave the game. Then Coach Steve Spagnuolo looked around and all he found was Kyle Boller to put in the game. Well you can imagine what happened after that.
Final Score the Packers 36 the Ewes 17. Hey 17 points is far better than the 7 up till now.
Well moving on to a better place, but not by much we head for Houston. Like the joke says, do you know why Texas doesn’t float off into the Gulf of Mexico? Because Houston Sucks. We know all the troubles they have had in the last couple of years; do you think that they want Age Rosenfels back? The only thing consistent about Matt Schuab is his inconsistency. Thanks again for nothing. Well we guess Jack Del Rio saved his job for one more week. Let’s see how long this will last.
Final score the Jags 31 the Texans 24. Hank Hill is not happy with you Matt Schuab.
Well we have gone through 7 games and have not found a reason to talk about Brett Favre. But we should get it over with. This game was the exact reason Brad Childress asked him to play in Minnesota. This is absolutely ridiculous. Well it is still early in the season. And we saw the same thing last year when he wore green, but the Viqueens are 3 and 0 and we are waiting for the fall we know it will come.
Final Score the 49ers 24 the Viqueens 27. Any more late game heroics and we might puke
Now to the game where we find out, who is Boston’s favorite son? Is it the great Boston Bullet, Matt Ryan, or Tom Terrific Brady? Right now the Vote goes to Tom terrific but it will not be too long before the Boston Bullet is up there. Some of the consistency is coming back to the Pats as they scored 13 points in each half, while allowing only 10 in the first. But we are not sure that all the rust is off of Tom Terrific but he finally got into the endzone. The Boston Bullet will ride again, but right now it is hard to throw Tom terrific off the mantle.
Final Score the Falldowns 10 the Pats 26. Bill Bellacheat is happy today, for a second.
Wow what has happened to the Tennessee Titans? They are 0 and 3 and are not looking good. Did Kerry Collins lose his mind? Is he doing his best Matt Leinart impression? Well his line reads like a poorly typed article on Greatest Jewish Sports heroes, (and we don’t mean the sandwich) 15 of 37 for 170 yards 1 touchdown and 2 interceptions. And he was sacked 2 times losing another 11 yards, not good at all. The
J E T S gave the Dirty Sanchez to another team and they are 3 and 0
Final Score the Titans 17 the J E T S 24. Gosh we feel like Kevin Arnold now.
Okay a little trivia question for you… What is Punt, TD, Punt, Punt, Punt, Punt, INT, Punt, Punt, Punt Downs, Punt equal? Not sure? Well “We are just going with the plays that were called” “Whether I like them or don’t.” huh I guess we know what our answer is… Do you?
The Final Score the Saints 27 the Bills 7 This is the Bill Offensive production. An Oxymoron?
Well next we have to travel up to the great state of confusion, we mean Washington. Huh the state not the capitol. Here in Washington, the people can enjoy the great outdoors, full of the tranquil wilderness, and animals native to the land, like Deer and Da Bears, and the Shehawks. Apparently Head Coach Jim Mora is seeing all too often the fact that his team the Seattle Shehawks are playing to the level they played at last season, when they won like 4 games. Seneca Wallace is playing like a can of Fresca, (Kind of cool to say but the results leave a bad taste in your mouth). After the game Jim Mora told anyone who would listen that his team would not fight and kick and scratch and work to be in the game only to let a kicker lose it for him. Thanks God someone is calling out the defense, because his kicker missed 2 field goals, 1 in the first half and one in the second.
Final Score Da Bears 25 the Shehawks 19. Hey Coach go back to sleep we will wake you if you team does anything exciting again.
Okay quick question What do you call a team that wins the time of possession by nine minutes, has 100 more yards in total offense, has 3 fewer punts, and 1 less penalty? Answer: A loser, which is what the Steelers were on Sunday. They went to Cincinnati and lost of all places. Pittsburg had not lost in Cincinnati since like the Clinton administration but when they decide not to play in the fourth quarter they left the game to the Ben-Gals and they drove the ball to scores twice to win the game. So now who is on the bottom of the AFC North Division? Well it is Cleveland but only by one game.
Final Score the Steelers 20 the Ben-Gals 23. Holy Cow is Marvin Lewis a genius? Not... Just wait he will screw this up as well…
Is Tuna Cakes pissed now? Not only did his team have to travel all the way to San Diego but then they had to play a game. They didn’t get to go to Sea World, they didn’t get to go to the Zoo, and they did however get to watch Eric Weddle run an interception back for a score. Chad “the Bad Penny” Pennington left the game with and injury and is now out for the season, but honestly when was he in. We mean he is Chad Pennington for Gods sakes a journeyman at best. It looks as if Tuna Cakes liked him in as much as he could like any quarterback, which probably means he hated him only a little.
Final Score the Dol-Pins 13 the Chargers 23. Here comes the Savior, Tyler “the Pigpen” Thigpen in a trade. This should be interesting.
And lastly on Sunday night we find the Superbowl loser Ari-Freaking-zona Cardinals hosting the Colts. Indy coming off the performance last week where they had the ball less than 15 minutes and still won the game found themselves in the hostile home of the fighting Cardinals, What? Who is writing this crap? The hostile home of the Cardinals?? Who would even believe that? One thing for sure if Matt Leinart played then the Cardinals were having a tough time of it, let us look… And yes he was 2 for 2 for 7 yards, what 2 swing passes or was one of them the dreaded shovel pass?
Final Score the Colts 31 the Cardinals 10. Now this is more like it. Cardinals Lose!!!
And Finally a Monday night game at Jerry world. You know we got to thinking about this new stadium and thought that if a family of 4 couldn’t get to the game for $400.00 then how much money was Jerry getting per game. So let’s just say that if, on the average, a person spends $125.00 at the game, and this game and the first game they had about 190,000 people in attendance. That means that in the first 2 games Jerry has put huh okay, carry the one, and then 4 + 5 = 9 and then you add a couple of zero’s , well that adds up to a lot of money and that is still not enough to pay for Turnover Tony Romo’s interception habit.
Final Score the Panthers 7 the Cowboys 21. For those wondering that is $23,750,000.00 just a drop in the bucket.
Well that should wrap up another week for us and we again are sorry about the delay in getting this started, you can scroll down and find the first 2 installments if you like…
And remember like we always say…
Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she's gone.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Ah... Ah...
Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain,
Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies.
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers,
That grow so incredibly high.
Newspaper taxis appear on the shore,
Waiting to take you away.
Climb in the back with your head in the clouds,
And you're gone.
Picture yourself on a train in a station,
With plasticine porters with looking glass ties.
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile,
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 2
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 2
Well here we are again week 2 and behind. We are trying to get back on the good foot. Getting on the good foot is what half of the teams were trying to do this week as well. So here we go. Ready or not. Expo do that thing you do so well…
First up as customary let’s start at the bottom, and this week the bottom happens to be Denver, and why not have you ever been to Colorado. It has lots of mountains but not much else unless you like skiing. We don’t like skiing so there is nothing there for us right. Apparently there is nothing there for Cleveland either. The Browns arrived with lots of Fan fare, but we don’t think anyone noticed. Eric Mangenius is trying to make the Browns into contenders, not working out for him or his team. So far he can’t seem to get out of first gear. But he did win one thing this week… The Birth Canal team of the week. Congrats we hope you enjoy it.
Final Score the Browns 6 whole points this week the Bronco’s 27. Another week to think about it Mangenius.
Staying on the Bottom we find this weeks Crappy game on Fox. How the Hell did this game get played? Really these two teams should never be on the same field together again. You know how sometimes when two bad teams get together something great happens? Well this time two bad teams got together and something terrible happened. If there was ever a reason for a coach to be fired they should watch this game tape, better yet, just burn the tape.
The Final Score the Ewes 7 the Deadskins 9. We are embarrassed about this. Sorry…
Not moving up to far we find the crappy game on CBS. Good Lord how does this happen? These 2 clunker teams would not garner .45 cents much less $4500.00. How does the schedule maker sleep at night??? How did they, in their right mind, schedule this game with the above game on the schedule? Well, the better question would be how did these 2 games sellout? That is beyond us.
Final Score the Raiders 13 the Chiefs 10. OMG OMG OMG. Enough said.
Can we please get to a game that has some panache? Well we find ourselves in Atlanta only to find the Carolina Panthers. The Panthers are really just fooling themselves these days. They think that they have a chance to win a game. It is not like they are playing the Lions they are playing the Falcons. So the rough and tough NFC south battle just turned into the Falcons swooping down from the sky and spanking the behind of the Panthers. Not much else to say except…
Final Score the Panther 20 the Falcons 28… in a word YUCK…
Four games into the week and we have not talked about Brett Farve yet, so let’s talk about him now. The Viqueens are on sort of a roll, they hand the ball off to Adrian Peterson and don’t let Brett Farve throw it very much, Thanks god they were playing the Lions. The Viqueens decided to give the Lions a 10 point lead then kicked it into gear, scored 27 before they quit.
Final Score the Viqueens 27 the Lions 13. Okay 0 and 19 when will it end?
Alright let’s get to a game that was a little more excitement. Earlier we talked about how sometime two mediocre teams get together and something exciting happens? Well the Bengals came to Green Bay and found some excitement. Is Marvin Lewis a genius or what? Don’t you just love when a coach finally figures it out? Nice going Coach Lewis your team figured out that the game is 60 minutes and you have to play them all.
Final Score the Ben-Gals 31 the Packers 24. Does any one else like it when the Packers lose?
Well the next game we find something very interesting. The Ari-Freaking-zona Cardinals were looking for a little rest for Quarterback Kurt Warner. Thank goodness they were playing Jacksonville. The Jaguars are just looking for a reason to fire head coach Jack Del Rio. It should NOT be too long now. Back to the Cardinals finally Matt Leinart made it on to the field in a regular season game. 3 for 6 for 22 yards, USC fans must be jumping for joy, jumping for joy that he is no longer at USC.
Final Score the Cardinals 31 the Jaguars 17. The Cardinals win? When will the madness end?
Up next we head to city of brotherly shove. The Beagles seem like a fitting name for the team with Michael Vick. This week the Saints showed up with some shoving on their minds. The Great REGGIE BUSH played in this game and what a game he had. 10 rushes for 33 whole yards is well in word, huh Pedestrian at best. Does that count as one word? He did have one carry for 19 yards which makes his true stats 9 carries for 14 yards. He had 3 catches for 42 yards with a long of 29 making his true stats 2 catches for 13. Drew Brees threw for 300 yards and 3 touchdowns which was enough to win.
Final Score the Saints 48 the Beagles 22. Is there anything else to say?
Here we go again with the Houston team taking on the former Houston team, only this time it was a little different. Houston won. There are lots of lessons to learn from Football. Like which is the best team is on any given day, like discipline, friendships, but the most important lesson to learn here is: When Houston scores more points than their opponents they win. When they don’t they lose.
Final Score the Texans 34 the Titans 31. Pretty easy huh?
Well the Shehawks got a kitchen pass to get out of the house and found their way to the Bay of San Francisco. After they did some seal watching and took in a Giants game, they realized that they had a game to play as well. It was too late though. They never had chance especially since Matt Hasselbeck left early. The 49ers flexed a little muscle, but it only took a little muscle to beat the Shehawks.
Final Score the Shehawks 10 the 49ers 23. Is Coach Singletary still too small?
If anyone was wondering where Terrell Owens is playing wonder no more he is in Canada playing with the Bills. What? Sure it is. Well yea. That’s where the Falls are. Yea that is not Canada? Are you sure, because we really don’t care about Canada. And we don’t want to talk about Canada. Well sure we brought it up but that was because we thought that we could talk about T.O. okay well then. NEVERMIND. For those of you that were wondering where T.O. is? He is in Buffalo the Canada of the NFL.
Final Score the Bucs 20 the Bills 33. 1 Catch for 13 yards. No wonder we can’t find him.
Okay, we know the Steelers play the game so slowly it just puts us to sleep. However this week when the Kicker Jeff Reed ran out on the field to kick a field goal to push the Steeler lead to 10 points he missed. Then Da Bears drove to a game tying touchdown. Then the Steelers ran Kicker Jeff Reed out again to win the game with 3:18 left and he missed again. Then Da Bears drove to kick the winning field goal
Final score the Steelers 14 Da Bears 17. HA HA HA HA.
There was a game in San Diego that showed us that Norv Turner may have lost it. Okay you are starting at you own 27 yard line with 2:48 to go in the game, the classic two minute drill. With only :57 seconds to go you are 1st down on the Baltimore 23. On fourth and 2 from the Baltimore 15 you decide to run Darrin Sproles who has rushed 9 times for 31 yards all day. Humm he didn’t make it in fact he loses 5 yards because somehow in this blocking scheme you don’t account for the middle linebacker.
Final Score the Ravens 33 the Chargers 26. Who doesn’t block Ray Lewis on a running play?
Finally the game of the day during the day??? New York Head Coach Rex Ryan decided that he would talk trash to Bill Bellacheat and the New England Patriots. Well it worked the Pats couldn’t get anything going in the red zone except field goals and as you know field goals don’t win games unless you are Da Bears… See Above… Well maybe Tom Terrific needs more than one game to get the rust off after a year off. Too bad the New York Jets gave the Patriots a Dirty Sanchez and the loss, first time in New York in 8 years.
Final Score the Pats 9 the J E T S 16. Not much to cheer about but a win is a win.
Now to the Sunday night extravaganza. How in the Hell can anyone watch the Sunday night game with that clown Chris Collinsworth? This game was mired with turnovers, porous defense, and Wade Phillips, not to mention Al Michaels and Collinsworth. Just a few notes about the game Turnover Tony Romo reared his ugly head again. 3 interceptions were just awful. Now to put this into perspective throughout his pro career Tony has thrown 1.195 interceptions per game. Which also means he throws a little over one per game if you follow the math? Ellie Manning played well enough to win.
Final Score the Giants 33 the Cowgirls 31. Not good to soil Jerry world like that.
Finally we find the other Manning coming to Miami for a little fun and a little fun was all he could have. With less than 15 minutes of offense the Colts were in Dire Straits this week. But Playing the Dolphins allowed them the chance poke the Tuna Cakes. And they did. Head Coach Tony Sparano was told to control the game by running the ball, which they did. Only they didn’t score. It is nice to hold the ball for 45 minutes but the object here to score more points than the other guys okay?
Final Score the Colts 27 the Dolphins 23. How far from grace will you have to go to be considered average?
Okay well that will do it again. We promise we will get this out a little earlier next week, again sorry for the delay..
And Remember like we always say…
Live baby live
Now that the day is over
I got a new sensation
In perfect moments
Impossible to refuse
Sleep baby sleep
Now that the night is over
And the sun comes like a god
Into our room
All perfect light and promises
Gotta hold on you
A new sensation
A new sensation
Right now
Gonna take you over
A new sensation
A new sensation
Dream baby dream
Of all that's come and going
And you will find out
In the end
There really is
There really is no difference
Cry baby cry
When you've got to get it out
I'll be your shoulder
You can tell me all
Don't keep it in ya
Well that's the reason why I'm here
Are you ready for a new sensation
A new sensation
Right nowGonna take you on a new sensation
A new sensation
Hate baby hate
When there's nothing left for you
You're only human
What can you do
It'll soon be over
Don't let your pain take over you
Love baby love
It's written all over your face
There's nothing better we could do
Than live forever
Well that's all we've got to do
Hey now I'm gonna take a new sensation
A new sensation
Well here we are again week 2 and behind. We are trying to get back on the good foot. Getting on the good foot is what half of the teams were trying to do this week as well. So here we go. Ready or not. Expo do that thing you do so well…
First up as customary let’s start at the bottom, and this week the bottom happens to be Denver, and why not have you ever been to Colorado. It has lots of mountains but not much else unless you like skiing. We don’t like skiing so there is nothing there for us right. Apparently there is nothing there for Cleveland either. The Browns arrived with lots of Fan fare, but we don’t think anyone noticed. Eric Mangenius is trying to make the Browns into contenders, not working out for him or his team. So far he can’t seem to get out of first gear. But he did win one thing this week… The Birth Canal team of the week. Congrats we hope you enjoy it.
Final Score the Browns 6 whole points this week the Bronco’s 27. Another week to think about it Mangenius.
Staying on the Bottom we find this weeks Crappy game on Fox. How the Hell did this game get played? Really these two teams should never be on the same field together again. You know how sometimes when two bad teams get together something great happens? Well this time two bad teams got together and something terrible happened. If there was ever a reason for a coach to be fired they should watch this game tape, better yet, just burn the tape.
The Final Score the Ewes 7 the Deadskins 9. We are embarrassed about this. Sorry…
Not moving up to far we find the crappy game on CBS. Good Lord how does this happen? These 2 clunker teams would not garner .45 cents much less $4500.00. How does the schedule maker sleep at night??? How did they, in their right mind, schedule this game with the above game on the schedule? Well, the better question would be how did these 2 games sellout? That is beyond us.
Final Score the Raiders 13 the Chiefs 10. OMG OMG OMG. Enough said.
Can we please get to a game that has some panache? Well we find ourselves in Atlanta only to find the Carolina Panthers. The Panthers are really just fooling themselves these days. They think that they have a chance to win a game. It is not like they are playing the Lions they are playing the Falcons. So the rough and tough NFC south battle just turned into the Falcons swooping down from the sky and spanking the behind of the Panthers. Not much else to say except…
Final Score the Panther 20 the Falcons 28… in a word YUCK…
Four games into the week and we have not talked about Brett Farve yet, so let’s talk about him now. The Viqueens are on sort of a roll, they hand the ball off to Adrian Peterson and don’t let Brett Farve throw it very much, Thanks god they were playing the Lions. The Viqueens decided to give the Lions a 10 point lead then kicked it into gear, scored 27 before they quit.
Final Score the Viqueens 27 the Lions 13. Okay 0 and 19 when will it end?
Alright let’s get to a game that was a little more excitement. Earlier we talked about how sometime two mediocre teams get together and something exciting happens? Well the Bengals came to Green Bay and found some excitement. Is Marvin Lewis a genius or what? Don’t you just love when a coach finally figures it out? Nice going Coach Lewis your team figured out that the game is 60 minutes and you have to play them all.
Final Score the Ben-Gals 31 the Packers 24. Does any one else like it when the Packers lose?
Well the next game we find something very interesting. The Ari-Freaking-zona Cardinals were looking for a little rest for Quarterback Kurt Warner. Thank goodness they were playing Jacksonville. The Jaguars are just looking for a reason to fire head coach Jack Del Rio. It should NOT be too long now. Back to the Cardinals finally Matt Leinart made it on to the field in a regular season game. 3 for 6 for 22 yards, USC fans must be jumping for joy, jumping for joy that he is no longer at USC.
Final Score the Cardinals 31 the Jaguars 17. The Cardinals win? When will the madness end?
Up next we head to city of brotherly shove. The Beagles seem like a fitting name for the team with Michael Vick. This week the Saints showed up with some shoving on their minds. The Great REGGIE BUSH played in this game and what a game he had. 10 rushes for 33 whole yards is well in word, huh Pedestrian at best. Does that count as one word? He did have one carry for 19 yards which makes his true stats 9 carries for 14 yards. He had 3 catches for 42 yards with a long of 29 making his true stats 2 catches for 13. Drew Brees threw for 300 yards and 3 touchdowns which was enough to win.
Final Score the Saints 48 the Beagles 22. Is there anything else to say?
Here we go again with the Houston team taking on the former Houston team, only this time it was a little different. Houston won. There are lots of lessons to learn from Football. Like which is the best team is on any given day, like discipline, friendships, but the most important lesson to learn here is: When Houston scores more points than their opponents they win. When they don’t they lose.
Final Score the Texans 34 the Titans 31. Pretty easy huh?
Well the Shehawks got a kitchen pass to get out of the house and found their way to the Bay of San Francisco. After they did some seal watching and took in a Giants game, they realized that they had a game to play as well. It was too late though. They never had chance especially since Matt Hasselbeck left early. The 49ers flexed a little muscle, but it only took a little muscle to beat the Shehawks.
Final Score the Shehawks 10 the 49ers 23. Is Coach Singletary still too small?
If anyone was wondering where Terrell Owens is playing wonder no more he is in Canada playing with the Bills. What? Sure it is. Well yea. That’s where the Falls are. Yea that is not Canada? Are you sure, because we really don’t care about Canada. And we don’t want to talk about Canada. Well sure we brought it up but that was because we thought that we could talk about T.O. okay well then. NEVERMIND. For those of you that were wondering where T.O. is? He is in Buffalo the Canada of the NFL.
Final Score the Bucs 20 the Bills 33. 1 Catch for 13 yards. No wonder we can’t find him.
Okay, we know the Steelers play the game so slowly it just puts us to sleep. However this week when the Kicker Jeff Reed ran out on the field to kick a field goal to push the Steeler lead to 10 points he missed. Then Da Bears drove to a game tying touchdown. Then the Steelers ran Kicker Jeff Reed out again to win the game with 3:18 left and he missed again. Then Da Bears drove to kick the winning field goal
Final score the Steelers 14 Da Bears 17. HA HA HA HA.
There was a game in San Diego that showed us that Norv Turner may have lost it. Okay you are starting at you own 27 yard line with 2:48 to go in the game, the classic two minute drill. With only :57 seconds to go you are 1st down on the Baltimore 23. On fourth and 2 from the Baltimore 15 you decide to run Darrin Sproles who has rushed 9 times for 31 yards all day. Humm he didn’t make it in fact he loses 5 yards because somehow in this blocking scheme you don’t account for the middle linebacker.
Final Score the Ravens 33 the Chargers 26. Who doesn’t block Ray Lewis on a running play?
Finally the game of the day during the day??? New York Head Coach Rex Ryan decided that he would talk trash to Bill Bellacheat and the New England Patriots. Well it worked the Pats couldn’t get anything going in the red zone except field goals and as you know field goals don’t win games unless you are Da Bears… See Above… Well maybe Tom Terrific needs more than one game to get the rust off after a year off. Too bad the New York Jets gave the Patriots a Dirty Sanchez and the loss, first time in New York in 8 years.
Final Score the Pats 9 the J E T S 16. Not much to cheer about but a win is a win.
Now to the Sunday night extravaganza. How in the Hell can anyone watch the Sunday night game with that clown Chris Collinsworth? This game was mired with turnovers, porous defense, and Wade Phillips, not to mention Al Michaels and Collinsworth. Just a few notes about the game Turnover Tony Romo reared his ugly head again. 3 interceptions were just awful. Now to put this into perspective throughout his pro career Tony has thrown 1.195 interceptions per game. Which also means he throws a little over one per game if you follow the math? Ellie Manning played well enough to win.
Final Score the Giants 33 the Cowgirls 31. Not good to soil Jerry world like that.
Finally we find the other Manning coming to Miami for a little fun and a little fun was all he could have. With less than 15 minutes of offense the Colts were in Dire Straits this week. But Playing the Dolphins allowed them the chance poke the Tuna Cakes. And they did. Head Coach Tony Sparano was told to control the game by running the ball, which they did. Only they didn’t score. It is nice to hold the ball for 45 minutes but the object here to score more points than the other guys okay?
Final Score the Colts 27 the Dolphins 23. How far from grace will you have to go to be considered average?
Okay well that will do it again. We promise we will get this out a little earlier next week, again sorry for the delay..
And Remember like we always say…
Live baby live
Now that the day is over
I got a new sensation
In perfect moments
Impossible to refuse
Sleep baby sleep
Now that the night is over
And the sun comes like a god
Into our room
All perfect light and promises
Gotta hold on you
A new sensation
A new sensation
Right now
Gonna take you over
A new sensation
A new sensation
Dream baby dream
Of all that's come and going
And you will find out
In the end
There really is
There really is no difference
Cry baby cry
When you've got to get it out
I'll be your shoulder
You can tell me all
Don't keep it in ya
Well that's the reason why I'm here
Are you ready for a new sensation
A new sensation
Right nowGonna take you on a new sensation
A new sensation
Hate baby hate
When there's nothing left for you
You're only human
What can you do
It'll soon be over
Don't let your pain take over you
Love baby love
It's written all over your face
There's nothing better we could do
Than live forever
Well that's all we've got to do
Hey now I'm gonna take a new sensation
A new sensation
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 1
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 1 2009
Welcome back to those of you who has been here before and for those that have not been here before, welcome to you as well. Here on the stroll we add what we hope is a satirical look at the NFL Games We hope you enjoy. Since this is Week one we will offer up 16 games for you so with no further ad due let’s get going… Expo Kick It
First up we find ourselves in Pittsburg the Superbowl Champions. Thank God this game was on during the night because it was boring. We fell asleep at halftime, this is the same story as last year Al Michaels is good and Chris Collinsworth just sucks. Why he has a job talking is beyond us. Oh yea Pittsburg wins again they lull you to sleep and kick a field goal to win…
Final score the Titans 10 the Steelers 13. The more things change the more they stay the same...
Up next we travel to a little place on Sunday know for huh??? Well nothing really. The Cincinnati Bengals have been trying to get back on the NFL map since their Quarterback went down with a knee injury several years ago. Carson Palmers had what some would consider a decent game, but 2 interceptions are not good… And so it goes, this weeks Crappy game on CBS turned into something exciting the last 3 minutes. Football is a game of inches; apparently it is a game of hands as well because if Cornerback Leon Hall had hit the ball with his left hand it most likely would have fluttered to the ground out of bounds. But as it was his right hand knocked it back into the field and Brandon Stokley found the ball and no one who could catch him.
Final Score the Bronco’s 12 the Ben-Gals 7… Ben-gals Lose who didn’t know that was going happen?
Okay so next we find things in the great Northwest. How this game could slip past consciousness is unbelievable. Did anyone know this game was even on? Did anyone even care? Up in the Seattle where the men are Men and the Ship a scared it wasn’t really fair the Rams to try and play there. This could be a long year for new Ewes Steve Spagnola but rest assured he has one thing this year, this Weeks Birth Canal Team of the Week.
Final Score the Ewes 0 the Shehawks 28. Hip Hip Hoonot…
As we start at the bottom we find ourselves in Atlanta. The Dolphins are the next team to be taken by the Tuna Cakes to the playoffs his first year then fall completely on their face next year. Whoever has picked the Dolphins to win more that 5 games would be crazy. The Boston Bullet Matt Ryan continues his rise and why not he now has a tight end to throw to with Tony Gonzalez. So the sky is the limit for the Falcons, we will see how far they will fly.
Final score the Dolphins 7 the Falcons 19. Big Tuna Cakes is not going to be happy…
Up next as we continue up the ladder the find New Orleans inviting the winless Lions to town. This was a showcase for Drew Brees, and he showed us all why he was a great addition a couple of years ago. Now New Orleans is also the home of who has been called the greatest running back of all time: One REGGIE BUSH. Let’s take a look at his stats for the day; he had 7 rushes for 14 yards with a long of 10 making his true stats 6 carries for 4 yards. Not too good and he had a fumble. He also caught 5 passes for 55 yards but with a long of 26 yards it makes his true stats 4 catches for 29 yard still 7 yards per catch, except that he had a fumble as well.
Final score the Lions 27 the Saints 45. Thanks God Drew had a career day.
Okay so next we travel to Baltimore home of the Ravens. Kansas City came to town with hopes and dreams of changing their recent behaviors under Herm Edwards. New Coach Todd Haley Fresh off a season where he led the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals to the Super bowl just couldn’t work any magic with this Chiefs team so far. So again the theme for the week new season same results.
Final Score the Chiefs 24 the Ravens 38. The More things change the more they stay the same.
Next we slide down the coast a little and find the Carolina Panthers inviting the Eagles of Philadelphia to town. The Eagles fresh off the signing of Michael Vick came to town intent on proving that it was not a bad decision. So with Michael in the owner’s box, Donavan McNabb went to work, throwing 2 touchdowns and an interception before he left the game with a broken rib. Head coach Andy Reid started looking around for a Quarterback to replace the injured McNabb, but all he found was Kevin Kolb. After the game Reid was asked if Kolb would be the starter next week in McNabb’s absence. “Kolb who? I thought we had Michael Vick as our backup quarterback?” Not yet Coach but he will be in a couple of weeks.
Finals Score Eagles 38 the Panthers 10. Way to prepare for McNabb’s injury.
Now we get to the match up that the entire NFL was looking forward too. The Viqueens vs. the Browns. Brett Favre’s old coach vs. Brett Favre’s new coach. As the pundits have said since the return of Farve this would be the game to see if Brett Farve can still play in the NFL. Thank God the Viqueens didn’t have to rely on the Brett Farve to make any plays. Adrian Peterson ran like the wind through the tree’s (nothing to stop him) and Brett Farve contributed 110 yards on 14 of 21 passes. Well maybe next week someone will tackle Peterson and we will see if Brett Farve is still Green Bay Brett Farve or New York Jet Brett Farve.
Final Score the Viqueens 34 the Browns 20. Brett Farve Brett Farve Brett Farve…
Next we travel south to find Houston in a tussle with the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets. Armed with a new quarterback and a new coach the Jets are looking to be a force in the AFC East this year. If they could only play Houston a few more time they might have a shot. Houston, for some reason, is stuck with Matt Schuab at quarterback he was a stellar 18 for 33 for 166 yards no touchdowns and one interception. Not good numbers, poor Houston everyone was expecting them to compete this year, now not so much...
Final Score the J-E-T-S 24 Houston 7. Houston we have a problem…
Okay let’s go to Indianapolis to find the Jacksonville Jaguars coming to town with hope. Gloom, despair, and agony on them if it weren’t for bad luck they have no luck at all, says Jack Del Rio. Well bad luck is not good if that is all you have, and that’s the way it appears. Indy rolled to another win mainly because of the Quarterback with the laser arm.
Final Score the Jaguars 12 the Colts 14. At least they kept it close.
Next we head to Ari-Freaking-Zona and find that the more things change the more they stay the same. The Cardinals Lose. Well things are the way they should be right? Some things in the world are constant, Death Taxes, and the Cardinals suck right?
Let us just say to watch out for those 49ers, they may have lightning in a bottle with their coach Mike Singletary, but like they have been saying for years he is probably too short to be great right?
Final Score the 49ers 20 the Cardinals 16. It seems like the world is back to right now.
Up next we head to Bay of Tampa for a little game with the Cowboys. Turn over Tony Romo actually held on to the ball this week and found a couple of receivers for some long gains, and Byron Leftwich just sucked. Is anyone else convinced that this is heading down a path? Now the path may or may not be a good one, but you will have to decide because we already have. And what we have decided is that the Buccaneers are down to 3 for a dollar...
Final Score the Cowboys 34 Tampa 21. Oh my goodness.
Last game on the schedule for Sunday day is found as the New York Football Giants had the Washington Deadskins come to town. This was not a good time, this game had all the excitement of a sock washing day. They looked as if they were beating each others on a rock for a while then just wondered around. Honestly we fell asleep during this snooze fest...
Final Score the Deadskins 17 the Giants 23. is this one over yet?
Finally the game we have been waiting for Sunday night Football the Green Bay Packers and Da Bears. Isn’t it funny how Yogi Bear always gets over on the park Ranger? Wouldn’t it be funny if the park ranger could catch Yogi with his pants down? Welcome to Sunday night Jay Cutler did his best to pull his own pants down by throwing 4 interceptions and handing the Packers the win. Da Bears had more yards; more first downs more time of possession fewer punts, fewer penalties, and fewer points. Not good.
Final Score Da Bears 15 the Packers 21, Hey Cutler pull your pants up better luck next week.
First on Monday? First on Monday, Oh yea this is the week that ESPN has 2 games. Well in this one the Patriots invited the Buffalo Bills to Boston for some Chowder. This was a great game visually if you like the old uniforms especially the helmets. If you like watching the Buffalo on the plain white background this was your game. If you liked the Patriot snapping the ball then this was your game. If you like watching Tom Brady lead his team to a game wining touchdown in the final minutes of a game and making it look easy then this was your game.
Final Score the Bills 24 the Pats 25. When Ifs and but are candy and nuts we will all have a merry Christmas…
Finally the last game of the week the Raiders and the Chargers squared off in classic AFL West battle. Too bad this game as a lot like the old AFL it was on when hardly anyone could watch it. Why in the world would the NFL schedule a game to start 10:30 PM EST. not that EST is great, but then that makes it 9:30 in CST. Well we liked the uniforms, from what we could tell from the highlights, but far too late for us to watch.
Final Score the Chargers 24 the Raiders 20. Wonder if Al Davis was still awake for this?
Well that is it for this week again Sorry for the delay we will get them out faster…
And remember like we always say…..
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Another aeroplane
Another sunny placeI’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm,
I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me
Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home
Welcome back to those of you who has been here before and for those that have not been here before, welcome to you as well. Here on the stroll we add what we hope is a satirical look at the NFL Games We hope you enjoy. Since this is Week one we will offer up 16 games for you so with no further ad due let’s get going… Expo Kick It
First up we find ourselves in Pittsburg the Superbowl Champions. Thank God this game was on during the night because it was boring. We fell asleep at halftime, this is the same story as last year Al Michaels is good and Chris Collinsworth just sucks. Why he has a job talking is beyond us. Oh yea Pittsburg wins again they lull you to sleep and kick a field goal to win…
Final score the Titans 10 the Steelers 13. The more things change the more they stay the same...
Up next we travel to a little place on Sunday know for huh??? Well nothing really. The Cincinnati Bengals have been trying to get back on the NFL map since their Quarterback went down with a knee injury several years ago. Carson Palmers had what some would consider a decent game, but 2 interceptions are not good… And so it goes, this weeks Crappy game on CBS turned into something exciting the last 3 minutes. Football is a game of inches; apparently it is a game of hands as well because if Cornerback Leon Hall had hit the ball with his left hand it most likely would have fluttered to the ground out of bounds. But as it was his right hand knocked it back into the field and Brandon Stokley found the ball and no one who could catch him.
Final Score the Bronco’s 12 the Ben-Gals 7… Ben-gals Lose who didn’t know that was going happen?
Okay so next we find things in the great Northwest. How this game could slip past consciousness is unbelievable. Did anyone know this game was even on? Did anyone even care? Up in the Seattle where the men are Men and the Ship a scared it wasn’t really fair the Rams to try and play there. This could be a long year for new Ewes Steve Spagnola but rest assured he has one thing this year, this Weeks Birth Canal Team of the Week.
Final Score the Ewes 0 the Shehawks 28. Hip Hip Hoonot…
As we start at the bottom we find ourselves in Atlanta. The Dolphins are the next team to be taken by the Tuna Cakes to the playoffs his first year then fall completely on their face next year. Whoever has picked the Dolphins to win more that 5 games would be crazy. The Boston Bullet Matt Ryan continues his rise and why not he now has a tight end to throw to with Tony Gonzalez. So the sky is the limit for the Falcons, we will see how far they will fly.
Final score the Dolphins 7 the Falcons 19. Big Tuna Cakes is not going to be happy…
Up next as we continue up the ladder the find New Orleans inviting the winless Lions to town. This was a showcase for Drew Brees, and he showed us all why he was a great addition a couple of years ago. Now New Orleans is also the home of who has been called the greatest running back of all time: One REGGIE BUSH. Let’s take a look at his stats for the day; he had 7 rushes for 14 yards with a long of 10 making his true stats 6 carries for 4 yards. Not too good and he had a fumble. He also caught 5 passes for 55 yards but with a long of 26 yards it makes his true stats 4 catches for 29 yard still 7 yards per catch, except that he had a fumble as well.
Final score the Lions 27 the Saints 45. Thanks God Drew had a career day.
Okay so next we travel to Baltimore home of the Ravens. Kansas City came to town with hopes and dreams of changing their recent behaviors under Herm Edwards. New Coach Todd Haley Fresh off a season where he led the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals to the Super bowl just couldn’t work any magic with this Chiefs team so far. So again the theme for the week new season same results.
Final Score the Chiefs 24 the Ravens 38. The More things change the more they stay the same.
Next we slide down the coast a little and find the Carolina Panthers inviting the Eagles of Philadelphia to town. The Eagles fresh off the signing of Michael Vick came to town intent on proving that it was not a bad decision. So with Michael in the owner’s box, Donavan McNabb went to work, throwing 2 touchdowns and an interception before he left the game with a broken rib. Head coach Andy Reid started looking around for a Quarterback to replace the injured McNabb, but all he found was Kevin Kolb. After the game Reid was asked if Kolb would be the starter next week in McNabb’s absence. “Kolb who? I thought we had Michael Vick as our backup quarterback?” Not yet Coach but he will be in a couple of weeks.
Finals Score Eagles 38 the Panthers 10. Way to prepare for McNabb’s injury.
Now we get to the match up that the entire NFL was looking forward too. The Viqueens vs. the Browns. Brett Favre’s old coach vs. Brett Favre’s new coach. As the pundits have said since the return of Farve this would be the game to see if Brett Farve can still play in the NFL. Thank God the Viqueens didn’t have to rely on the Brett Farve to make any plays. Adrian Peterson ran like the wind through the tree’s (nothing to stop him) and Brett Farve contributed 110 yards on 14 of 21 passes. Well maybe next week someone will tackle Peterson and we will see if Brett Farve is still Green Bay Brett Farve or New York Jet Brett Farve.
Final Score the Viqueens 34 the Browns 20. Brett Farve Brett Farve Brett Farve…
Next we travel south to find Houston in a tussle with the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets. Armed with a new quarterback and a new coach the Jets are looking to be a force in the AFC East this year. If they could only play Houston a few more time they might have a shot. Houston, for some reason, is stuck with Matt Schuab at quarterback he was a stellar 18 for 33 for 166 yards no touchdowns and one interception. Not good numbers, poor Houston everyone was expecting them to compete this year, now not so much...
Final Score the J-E-T-S 24 Houston 7. Houston we have a problem…
Okay let’s go to Indianapolis to find the Jacksonville Jaguars coming to town with hope. Gloom, despair, and agony on them if it weren’t for bad luck they have no luck at all, says Jack Del Rio. Well bad luck is not good if that is all you have, and that’s the way it appears. Indy rolled to another win mainly because of the Quarterback with the laser arm.
Final Score the Jaguars 12 the Colts 14. At least they kept it close.
Next we head to Ari-Freaking-Zona and find that the more things change the more they stay the same. The Cardinals Lose. Well things are the way they should be right? Some things in the world are constant, Death Taxes, and the Cardinals suck right?
Let us just say to watch out for those 49ers, they may have lightning in a bottle with their coach Mike Singletary, but like they have been saying for years he is probably too short to be great right?
Final Score the 49ers 20 the Cardinals 16. It seems like the world is back to right now.
Up next we head to Bay of Tampa for a little game with the Cowboys. Turn over Tony Romo actually held on to the ball this week and found a couple of receivers for some long gains, and Byron Leftwich just sucked. Is anyone else convinced that this is heading down a path? Now the path may or may not be a good one, but you will have to decide because we already have. And what we have decided is that the Buccaneers are down to 3 for a dollar...
Final Score the Cowboys 34 Tampa 21. Oh my goodness.
Last game on the schedule for Sunday day is found as the New York Football Giants had the Washington Deadskins come to town. This was not a good time, this game had all the excitement of a sock washing day. They looked as if they were beating each others on a rock for a while then just wondered around. Honestly we fell asleep during this snooze fest...
Final Score the Deadskins 17 the Giants 23.
Finally the game we have been waiting for Sunday night Football the Green Bay Packers and Da Bears. Isn’t it funny how Yogi Bear always gets over on the park Ranger? Wouldn’t it be funny if the park ranger could catch Yogi with his pants down? Welcome to Sunday night Jay Cutler did his best to pull his own pants down by throwing 4 interceptions and handing the Packers the win. Da Bears had more yards; more first downs more time of possession fewer punts, fewer penalties, and fewer points. Not good.
Final Score Da Bears 15 the Packers 21, Hey Cutler pull your pants up better luck next week.
First on Monday? First on Monday, Oh yea this is the week that ESPN has 2 games. Well in this one the Patriots invited the Buffalo Bills to Boston for some Chowder. This was a great game visually if you like the old uniforms especially the helmets. If you like watching the Buffalo on the plain white background this was your game. If you liked the Patriot snapping the ball then this was your game. If you like watching Tom Brady lead his team to a game wining touchdown in the final minutes of a game and making it look easy then this was your game.
Final Score the Bills 24 the Pats 25. When Ifs and but are candy and nuts we will all have a merry Christmas…
Finally the last game of the week the Raiders and the Chargers squared off in classic AFL West battle. Too bad this game as a lot like the old AFL it was on when hardly anyone could watch it. Why in the world would the NFL schedule a game to start 10:30 PM EST. not that EST is great, but then that makes it 9:30 in CST. Well we liked the uniforms, from what we could tell from the highlights, but far too late for us to watch.
Final Score the Chargers 24 the Raiders 20. Wonder if Al Davis was still awake for this?
Well that is it for this week again Sorry for the delay we will get them out faster…
And remember like we always say…..
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Another aeroplane
Another sunny placeI’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm,
I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me
Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)