Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 3

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 3

Here we are; finally we are starting to see things in our tea leaves. Things are getting better for some teams and getting worse for others. After the first three weeks we find ourselves 1 week away from one fourth of the season being over. We guess it is time for us to get back on track as well. We are sorry for all the delays, but as you can see time marches on so gets get going before we find ourselves behind again. Expo Kick it.

Well, starting at the bottom we find the Cleveland Browns. Oh my goodness is this team in disarray? This is not funny. Any joke here would be in poor taste and currently the Mangenius is very confused. This is not confusing; the “Brown Stains” are scoring just under 10 points a game. They are giving up nearly 32 points a game, not good. Someone once said “When you find clothes with Brown Stains, that you can’t get out, you have to donate them to Goodwill.”
Final Score the Brown Stains 3 the Ravens 34. Thanks for the Quote Mom.

Staying on the bottom we find the Buccan game. This is also this week’s Crappy game on the Fox. Of coarse it was not crappy for the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS. Ellie came to play and it was obvious that the Bucs came to lay down and get walked on. The Buccaneers did their best impression of a welcome mat. Hideous doesn’t come close to a word that describes this game.
Final Score the NYFG 24 the Bucs0. Are we down to two bits an ear yet?

While we are still on the bottom we might as well talk about the crappy game on CBS. Well we have decided that Kansas City needs a few things let’s go over the list shall we? First off they need a new GM, Head Coach, Quarterback, offensive scheme, some defensive players, a new stadium to play in, Humm can we think of any thing else? Philadelphia Head Coach finally found his Quarterback Kevin Kolb. Who has the facts?
We have the facts. Name the first Quarterback in the history of the NFL to throw for more than 300 yards in his first 2 starts?
Final Score The Chiefs 14 the Beagles 34. The answer is Kevin Kolb. Look it up.

Up next we head to a town that has been ravaged by unemployment. The troubles of Detroit have been told till the News Outlets are blue in the face. The Most important stat to remember is that Detroit was 0 and 19. Until that is, Jim Zorn brought his team to town. For that all of Detroit is truly thankful. Hollywood could not have written a better script for this game. After the game Jim Zorn was asked how he felt about the game. “Well I am happy that Detroit won a game I am sad that it was against us.” “Do I think we could have played better??? Well I think so but I don’t think that this was the change people were looking for in Washington.” Well Coach here’s to you… Your team played to the level that we can only describe as one thing, this weeks Birth Canal Team of the week!!!
Final Score the Deadskins 14 the Lions 19. The Lions win a game. It’s been a long time since we could say that…

Staying close to the bottom we find the Raiders. This team has been looking like it just doesn’t know what game it is playing. Are the playing kick the Can, or guess how many fingers Al Davis is holding up behind his back? If they re playing kick the can then they need to quit being the can. Well this week the Bronco’s of all people came and kicked the cans of the Raiders. And now with head Coach Tom Cable under investigation for fighting with the assistant coaches nothing is going well. Can this season end fast enough for Al Davis?
Final Score the Bronco’s 23 the Raiders 3. At least they scored 3 points?

Next up we go to the State of misery. Home to the some of the worst football in the league, other than possibly Montana there may not be a state with worse professional Football. This state sports the never do well Chiefs and the Ewes. This week even Ewes Quarterback Mark Bulger couldn’t stand it any longer, and like a guy on hold at he suicide prevention hotline, he just gave up. When he laid down at the end of the first quarter and the packers fell on him. It bruised his shoulder so bad that he had to leave the game. Then Coach Steve Spagnuolo looked around and all he found was Kyle Boller to put in the game. Well you can imagine what happened after that.
Final Score the Packers 36 the Ewes 17. Hey 17 points is far better than the 7 up till now.

Well moving on to a better place, but not by much we head for Houston. Like the joke says, do you know why Texas doesn’t float off into the Gulf of Mexico? Because Houston Sucks. We know all the troubles they have had in the last couple of years; do you think that they want Age Rosenfels back? The only thing consistent about Matt Schuab is his inconsistency. Thanks again for nothing. Well we guess Jack Del Rio saved his job for one more week. Let’s see how long this will last.
Final score the Jags 31 the Texans 24. Hank Hill is not happy with you Matt Schuab.

Well we have gone through 7 games and have not found a reason to talk about Brett Favre. But we should get it over with. This game was the exact reason Brad Childress asked him to play in Minnesota. This is absolutely ridiculous. Well it is still early in the season. And we saw the same thing last year when he wore green, but the Viqueens are 3 and 0 and we are waiting for the fall we know it will come.
Final Score the 49ers 24 the Viqueens 27. Any more late game heroics and we might puke

Now to the game where we find out, who is Boston’s favorite son? Is it the great Boston Bullet, Matt Ryan, or Tom Terrific Brady? Right now the Vote goes to Tom terrific but it will not be too long before the Boston Bullet is up there. Some of the consistency is coming back to the Pats as they scored 13 points in each half, while allowing only 10 in the first. But we are not sure that all the rust is off of Tom Terrific but he finally got into the endzone. The Boston Bullet will ride again, but right now it is hard to throw Tom terrific off the mantle.
Final Score the Falldowns 10 the Pats 26. Bill Bellacheat is happy today, for a second.

Wow what has happened to the Tennessee Titans? They are 0 and 3 and are not looking good. Did Kerry Collins lose his mind? Is he doing his best Matt Leinart impression? Well his line reads like a poorly typed article on Greatest Jewish Sports heroes, (and we don’t mean the sandwich) 15 of 37 for 170 yards 1 touchdown and 2 interceptions. And he was sacked 2 times losing another 11 yards, not good at all. The
J E T S gave the Dirty Sanchez to another team and they are 3 and 0
Final Score the Titans 17 the J E T S 24. Gosh we feel like Kevin Arnold now.

Okay a little trivia question for you… What is Punt, TD, Punt, Punt, Punt, Punt, INT, Punt, Punt, Punt Downs, Punt equal? Not sure? Well “We are just going with the plays that were called” “Whether I like them or don’t.” huh I guess we know what our answer is… Do you?
The Final Score the Saints 27 the Bills 7 This is the Bill Offensive production. An Oxymoron?

Well next we have to travel up to the great state of confusion, we mean Washington. Huh the state not the capitol. Here in Washington, the people can enjoy the great outdoors, full of the tranquil wilderness, and animals native to the land, like Deer and Da Bears, and the Shehawks. Apparently Head Coach Jim Mora is seeing all too often the fact that his team the Seattle Shehawks are playing to the level they played at last season, when they won like 4 games. Seneca Wallace is playing like a can of Fresca, (Kind of cool to say but the results leave a bad taste in your mouth). After the game Jim Mora told anyone who would listen that his team would not fight and kick and scratch and work to be in the game only to let a kicker lose it for him. Thanks God someone is calling out the defense, because his kicker missed 2 field goals, 1 in the first half and one in the second.
Final Score Da Bears 25 the Shehawks 19. Hey Coach go back to sleep we will wake you if you team does anything exciting again.

Okay quick question What do you call a team that wins the time of possession by nine minutes, has 100 more yards in total offense, has 3 fewer punts, and 1 less penalty? Answer: A loser, which is what the Steelers were on Sunday. They went to Cincinnati and lost of all places. Pittsburg had not lost in Cincinnati since like the Clinton administration but when they decide not to play in the fourth quarter they left the game to the Ben-Gals and they drove the ball to scores twice to win the game. So now who is on the bottom of the AFC North Division? Well it is Cleveland but only by one game.
Final Score the Steelers 20 the Ben-Gals 23. Holy Cow is Marvin Lewis a genius? Not... Just wait he will screw this up as well…

Is Tuna Cakes pissed now? Not only did his team have to travel all the way to San Diego but then they had to play a game. They didn’t get to go to Sea World, they didn’t get to go to the Zoo, and they did however get to watch Eric Weddle run an interception back for a score. Chad “the Bad Penny” Pennington left the game with and injury and is now out for the season, but honestly when was he in. We mean he is Chad Pennington for Gods sakes a journeyman at best. It looks as if Tuna Cakes liked him in as much as he could like any quarterback, which probably means he hated him only a little.
Final Score the Dol-Pins 13 the Chargers 23. Here comes the Savior, Tyler “the Pigpen” Thigpen in a trade. This should be interesting.

And lastly on Sunday night we find the Superbowl loser Ari-Freaking-zona Cardinals hosting the Colts. Indy coming off the performance last week where they had the ball less than 15 minutes and still won the game found themselves in the hostile home of the fighting Cardinals, What? Who is writing this crap? The hostile home of the Cardinals?? Who would even believe that? One thing for sure if Matt Leinart played then the Cardinals were having a tough time of it, let us look… And yes he was 2 for 2 for 7 yards, what 2 swing passes or was one of them the dreaded shovel pass?
Final Score the Colts 31 the Cardinals 10. Now this is more like it. Cardinals Lose!!!

And Finally a Monday night game at Jerry world. You know we got to thinking about this new stadium and thought that if a family of 4 couldn’t get to the game for $400.00 then how much money was Jerry getting per game. So let’s just say that if, on the average, a person spends $125.00 at the game, and this game and the first game they had about 190,000 people in attendance. That means that in the first 2 games Jerry has put huh okay, carry the one, and then 4 + 5 = 9 and then you add a couple of zero’s , well that adds up to a lot of money and that is still not enough to pay for Turnover Tony Romo’s interception habit.
Final Score the Panthers 7 the Cowboys 21. For those wondering that is $23,750,000.00 just a drop in the bucket.

Well that should wrap up another week for us and we again are sorry about the delay in getting this started, you can scroll down and find the first 2 installments if you like…

And remember like we always say…

Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she's gone.

Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Ah... Ah...

Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain,
Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies.
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers,
That grow so incredibly high.
Newspaper taxis appear on the shore,
Waiting to take you away.
Climb in the back with your head in the clouds,
And you're gone.

Picture yourself on a train in a station,
With plasticine porters with looking glass ties.
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile,
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes.