Stroll down NFL Boulevard

Stroll donw the NFL boulevard Week 14 2010

2010-12-16T07:04:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 14 2010

Here we are again, trying to make sense of all of this. Sometimes it seems what is up is down, what is front is back what is right is actually left. We are trying to make sure put what has happened so we can give you the vision that you need. And we all need vision right? So Expo do your thing please…

Up first the NFL decided to take some pressure off of Peyton Manning and let him play on Thursday night. And did he respond? You bet he did. He went 25 of 35 for 319 yards. Nice game huh? Afterwards at the post game press conference Peyton was asked ”Who can you say helped you the most during this turn around game, your brother, your father, or your agent?” Peyton Scratched his head and thought for a second, looking whimsically into the crowd, until he saw a tall figure in the back wearing a long black coat and a gorgeous fedora with the brim pulled done low. Peyton responded “While I think it was a little of all three, I think that the issues that were holding me back are behind me, at least I think they are, and that might be all I need to get this team going again.” Later Peyton found a large Manila envelope in the back of his locker with the letters N L embossed on it. He slipped it into his briefcase and slipped out to his car without a word.
Final Score the Colts 30 the Titans 28. Oh no what is Peyton up to now? Does his mother know what he is doing?

What a debacle? Here we were thinking that Kansas City might be trying to relive past glory. Well apparently they were channeling Herm Edwards. We can’t even say that this was game. The chiefs had 9 completed passes, 8 punts, 5 first downs, 4 sacks 2 penalties and took away the ball once, but didn’t turn the ball over at all. In a game of futility the most futile thing they did was gain 67 yards; that has to be some kind of a record. People this is the epitome of a Team that didn’t care, did they have Christmas shopping to tend to? Or does everyone just suck one game a year. we think it is the latter, And if you told us that Kansas City was going to suck the worst this season we would not have put up much of an argument but hell actually watching the train wreck is far worse that just hearing about it. So your Birth Canal Team of the week this week is your Kansas City Chiefs.
Final Score The Chiefs 0 the Chargers 31. At least Brady Croyle kept his streak perfect. He has never won a game he has started. What a streak…

Oh no…. Mister Rogers’ neighborhood has been mugged. It was thrown to the turf and Mister Rogers has his second concussion of the season. Well who is his backup, surely they have a capable backup right, capable of beating Detroit right? As we pull the Curtain back to reveal the dream, the man, the legend in no one’s mind Matt Flynn. Who? Who the hell Matt Freaking Flynn? Well we know who he isn’t… He isn’t a starting quarterback in the NFL. Do we need the raise the Salary Cap, so we can find some backup quarterbacks who can do something? Oh we know what Matt Flynn reminds us of now. Do you remember the old electric football game that vibrated and the players moved down the field? Remember? You remember? Remember? He reminds us the one player who just went in Circles. Remember the most worthless player on the field the one who whirls around in a circle. Hello Matt Flynn.
Final score the Packers 3 the Lioness 7. Finally the Lioness took our advice and grew a pair. Let’s see if they get them cut off next week.

Up next we see that Jets were listening last week as the King of New Jersey got his team ready to play. But we think that they spent more time playing with themselves than they did playing the game of football. Oh they scored more than last week. What did they have 3 points? Hell they doubled that to 6 and we guess that their defense was better too, because they didn’t give up 45 like last week, they only gave up 10 points.
Final score the Dolphins 10 the JETS 6. No matter how we add it up. If you give up 10 and only score 6 you are going to lose… we have added it up a bunch of times and we just can’t get 6 to be more than 10…

Up next we find a tough battle of Lake effect snow teams, as the Cleveland Brownstains went to Buffalo to face the Bills. Interesting fact the other Peyton almost had more yard than his whole team. Peyton Hillis 21 carries for 108 yards and 4 catches for 10 more that is 118 yards total. The Brownstains only had 187 yards total in the game. That means that Hillis had huh… oh wait carry the 3 and subtract the four… well it is a lot of the offense we know that for one guy. Anyway Buffalo is trying to keep from getting the first pick on the draft, and they want to win, which is more than we can say for the teams discussed previously, but they are Buffalo so every game is up for grabs.
Final Score the Brownstains 6 the Bills 13. Another game with just 6 points? What the hell? 2 field goals good enough for you huh?

Okay so there was this great injustice as the officials who had to be paid by little Danny Snyder, and Big Mike Shanahan. The Officials gave the Deadskins an extra down, apparently 2 first downs is something that no one in the stands would ever notice. And no one noticed it till Tony Siragusa and he went out of his mind (we guess he had money on the Buc’s). Then on fourth down (or fifth down) the Deadskins scored a touchdown. That would tie the game with the extra point. So they line up for the attempt, (now we see why they call it an attempt) Then the snap goes high and the ball is bouncing back on the 25 yard line, someone scoops it up and tries to run it in, but alas to no avail the Mighty footballs Gods have taken care of it and that crazy Fox Broadcast team got it’s vindication. Deadskins lose. They suck for trying to cheat. What? What is it Expo? It was a first down? So the Deadskins got a first down and they scored on fourth down like the marker showed? Oh well never mind…
Final Score the Bucs 17 the Deadskins 16. God don’t like ugly. And Washington is pretty ugly right now…

Holy Crap Al Davis is awake. And he is mad. His Team is one game below 500 and he is looking for a playoff run. Playoffs? The Raiders in the playoffs? Somebody tell Al no, not this year. And does anyone know which foot of Jack Del Rio’s is kept hidden form the world? For years there has been speculation that Jack Del Rio has deformed foot, now we aren’t ones to point at someone’s handicap and make fun of them for it. We are sensitive to the wants of the Del Rio Family and the hurtful nature of the rest of the world if they found out the Jack Del Rio has Rabbit’s foot. We have been told it is a white and furry but that he keeps it hidden. Not wanting to get ridiculed, or to have people stare at it. What? Oh Jack Del Rio has a rabbit’s foot in his pocket for luck? Well that would be a lot different than what we were told. Okay sorry about that.
Final Score the Raiders 31 the Jag’s 38. Oh well that kind of explained why he could jump so well back when he played. But we weren’t sure why he didn’t eat a carrot on the sidelines like say bugs bunny?

Wow in a great battle of AFC North teams the Cincinnati Bunguls and the Pittsburg Steelers Carson Palmer stole the show. He threw 3 touchdowns, and his counterpart for the Steelers could only lead his team to 3 field goals. Oh wait two of those touchdown passes from Carson Palmer went to the Steelers. Oh crap. Palmer had a sucky day and now it looks like the Bunguls only scored one touchdown the first one then just kind of wandered around aimlessly on the field like a toddler looking for it mother in the grocery store.
Final Score the Bunguls 7 the Steelers 23. Hey this just in Carson Palmer threw his touchdown pass to a tackle. A Tackle? He couldn’t find a receiver open?

Up next at this time of year most people are in a giving mood. So there is an influx of people out collecting, those guys in the red suits ringing a bell, there are stores with trees that are decorated with names and gift requests for needy children, and then there are the real and fake homeless people on the corner with their little sign “Homeless please help me. God Bless” Now we are sure that these people need help, but do they just irritate you? They apparently irritated the Falldowns. Because when the panhandlers came to town and set up their cardboard signs at all the corners heading into the Stadium the Falldowns went out and yanked them out on the field and kicked the crap out of them.
Final score the Panhandlers 10 the Falldowns 31. John “not so sly like a” Fox, used Jimmy “the pickle” Clausen again. He needs to be fermented a lot more, he isn’t ready. But he is real crunchy when he hits the ground.

Okay so the SheHawks went to San Francisco and it looks like they dress appropriately. They had their big hoop skirts on and they were wearing some high heels it looks like as well. We think that during the coin toss the captains decided to play who can hit the softest. Looks like the Shehawks lost. Matt Hasselback couldn’t figure out who to throw the ball to as he had four interceptions, that my friends is one for every finger on his right hand except for his thumb. But is the thumb really a finger? Well for today discussion we will call it a thumb only.
Final Score the Shehawks 21 the 29ers 40. The game wasn’t even this close. And that is saying something…

So Slingin Sammy Bradford went to tour the hurricane ravaged city of New Orleans. He wonder around the French Quarter for while, took a walk on Bourbon street. Lifted his shirt and got some beads, then moved slowly towards the Superdome. He was saddened to see the ninth ward is still not growing and thriving as it did before Katrina. When he asked the tour guide how much things had been cleaned up since the Hurricane. The Guide replied “Oh we aren’t going to clean this part up, if people were crazy enough to live here before the flood they will come back again.” the he whispered “These people weren’t too smart to begin with, hell they cheer for Reggie Bush like he is good.” So with that said let’s see what REGGIE BUSH did this week. Wow 9 carries for 43 yards with a long of 9 making him an 8 carry for 34 yard day, not too bad 2 touches a quarter. Then he had 5 catches for 22 more yards. Oh my he is getting close to 100 yards just 35 yards away. Did he have any punt returns? Oh yes he did, 2 punt returns for 16 yards.
Final Score the Rams 13 the Saints 31. Wow such production 81 yards a game. No that is what we call a spare backup role…

Up next we find the traveling mystical tour AKA (Also known as) the New England Patriots. They blew into the windy city and blew the bears out. Tom Brady (who still needs a haircut) was spectacular in carving up Da Bear Defense. The Bear Offense was hibernating in a cave somewhere. Even Ranger Smith couldn’t help Da Bears.
Final score the Pats 26 Da Bears 7. It was cool watching them play in the snow…

Next up we go to Ari-freaking-Zona and find that even after Denver fired their coach they still can’t find a way to win. They should now be able to use TIM TEBOW to his fullest extent. Let’s check out his stats. At least he didn’t throw an inception but you really don’t have any interceptions when you don’t pass the ball. But he didn’t fumble the ball either. Hey we guess you have to get the ball in your hands to fumble right? So if we check the stats one more time we find that TIM TEBOW had 0 total yards. And the sad thing is that it looks like the Bronco’s could have really used him.
Final score the Bronco’s 13 the Cardinals 43… WE can’t believe that no one will let TIM TEBOW on the field to help. Did you know that when TIM TEBOW eats, he doesn’t have to wait 30 minutes before going swimming?

As we get to the final game on Sunday we are reminded that we live in politically correct country. And that in this country we are free, to a certain extent, to express our beliefs and views for the world to see. So with that said is anyone listening to the commentators when the words Michael Vick come up? He is a great quarterback now not like when he played before. It is like we are all supposed to understand that he wasn’t in the game for two years. And are we just supposed not ask what he was doing for those two seasons? Are we not supposed to ask why he was gone for two years? We are just supposed to accept the fact that he is playing at an MVP level. Well we know one thing for sure, he was the dog killing MVP of 2008 let’s talk about his game. He was 16 of 26 for 270 yards. But he had 2 passes that that totaled 150 yards. So that would make him 14 of 24 for 120 yards. Still a nice total but maybe not MVP worthy.
Final Score the Beagles 30 the Cowpies 27. Unless MVP stand for Most Vicious Player. Gosh he makes us sick…

Up next we find the craziest thing we have ever heard of. The Minnesota Viqueens deflated their Stadium and the sudden snow storm in Minnesota dumped 18 inches of snow on top of the stadium and the weight of the snow caused the roof to collapse. Thank God no one was in the dome when this happened. So the Stadium was not useable. So the NFL in its wisdom decided to move the game to Detroit. We think the NFL reason is that Detroit was the closest NFL city that has not seen any football. So both teams packed up and headed there to play on Monday night. So let’s look at Brett Favre’s day/night. Well he had a TIM TEBOW type night the only balls he touched were his own. So not only is the thrill gone, but the streak is over. Hey 297 is a nice round number that no one will ever catch 321 if you count playoffs. Well there was someone playing on Monday that kept their streak going. Ellie started his one hundredth game on Monday night, after the game in the post game press conference Eli took several question from a tall man in the back of the room wearing a gorgeous fedora “Have your parents ever been to Cincinnati?” “Well” Eli responded “They were there back in Feb 73 I remember it well because Peyton and I spent our Valentine’s Day with Moms parents, my grandparents. It was terrible except for when we held Cooper down and tried to get him to eat shrimp from the Gulf of Mexico. And when he didn’t eat it we torn pieces of it off and pushed it in his nose. Memories aren’t they great?
Final Score the Giants 21 the Viqueens 3. Where are the Viqueens going to play next week? Hey how about Denver they haven’t seen foot ball in a while?
Finally we get the final game of the week. And it was a barn burner. Except that no barn or farm animal was actually hurt in the playing of this game. But there were a lot of things hurt and most of them were the fans that had to watch those hideous uniforms that the Texans wore. Hey Red on Red is not good on anything unless you are putting monkey blood on an open wound or Santa Claus. And we think you know what we mean right? So after totally beating the crap out of Houston which took about the whole first half the Ravens decided to take the second half off. Hey ravens this game is 60 minutes not 30, not even 45. 60 full minutes. And if you had played the whole 60 minutes you would not have given the losers in Houston any hope of winning the game. but instead you let Matt Schaub complete a pass or ten and throw a couple of touchdowns to get the game to over time. Thanks God Matt Schaub showed us again his true colors even if it was in Red.
Final Score the Raven 34 the Texans 28. Ha Ha Ha Matt Schaub’s second interception was returned for touchdown in overtime…. And we know Santa Claus and Matt Schaub you are no Santa Claus…
Well that will do it for this week, 3 weeks to go. We hope you enjoy this as much as we do putting it together…
And remember like we always say…

On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree.

On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 13 2010

2010-12-14T10:15:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 13 2010

Well well well, with 75% or three fourths, as we like to call it, gone, we can start to tell who is going to make a run into the playoffs. We don’t call it a tournament because it is the playoff. There are a few locks out there and a few that have been eliminated, hopefully we can sort it all out for you… so let’s not waste any time and let’s get to the this week’s Stroll. Expo? Give us something appropriate...

First on Thursday we find that the Dog Killer gets the National Audience. Thank God it was on the NFL network where only about 2 million homes get to see him. He did throw for 300 yards and rushed for 48 yards. He Lead the team in both categories. Well Matt Schaub did absolutely nothing to prove that he is an NFL quarterback capable of taking his team to the playoffs. So we guess that the Texans are going to be the favorite to win the AFC South next year, again.
Final Score the Texans 24 the Beagles 34. We can just hear it now. “Houston is and up and coming team and with a new coach they might be able to contend for the title in the AFC South.”

Starting at the bottom like we always do it is not interesting to find the Bronco’s there with the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs have played well this season better than we expected. We guess that Matt “the Rook” Cassel has played well enough. One thing we are sure of is that Head Coach Josh McDaniels probably will not make the end of the week. What? Oh wait this just in. Josh Mc Daniels has been fired. Nice right here at Christmas time. We guess he should have played his secret weapon a little more. TIM TEBOW was asked what he thought of the firing. “Well I think firing is a good thing. Like firing a touchdown pass. Or firing a stiff arm across someone’s face mask as I run in for the score.” “No TIM TEBOW your coach just got fired” The reporter said “What does that mean to you?” “Oh I can neither confirm nor deny that comment”
Final Score the Bronco’s 6 the Chiefs 10. Did TIM TEBOW go to college? Or is this guy just and idiot? In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Tim Tebow. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

Staying close to the bottom we find Jeff Fisher. Well we find Jeff Fisher’s bottom. In a great AFC South Battle the Jacksonville Jaguars went to the Tennessee and started to dismantle this proud franchise. Well actually Head Coach Jeff Fisher started to dismantle this proud franchise weeks ago, now he has no quarterback, unless you count Rusty “the Nail” Smith, or Kerry “the Virgin Tom” Collins. So back to this game for the 10 quarters that Vince Young has been hurt the Mighty Titans have scored 6 whole points. That is 2 field goals folks. 2 freaking field goals… The Titans are done now and with that so is Jeff Fisher right? If this comes to a standoff between the Owner who likes Vince Young and the Coach who doesn’t, who usually wins that battle?
Final Score the Jags 17 the Titans 6. Not much else to say about this one until the season is over…

And now for a game that had everything. It had 29 first downs, 23 points scored, and 16 punts. The game also had 8 penalties, 5 field goals attempted, 3 made field goals, 3 sacks, 3 interceptions 2 touchdown passes, 1 winner and 2 losers. 2 losers you ask? Yes there was only 1 person in the stands that had to endure this game, Thank God. Does anyone know what game this was?
Final Score the crappy team 13 the worse than crappy team 10. Do either of these teams even want anyone to know they played a game?

Wow is Mike Shanahan the greatest coach ever? First he benches Little Donnie Mac. Then Shanahan signs him for a contract extension for 78 million and Donnie responds by winning the coach 1 game since then. Now Shanahan is suspending Albert Haynesworth for conduct unbecoming to the team. What the hell is that? Conduct unbecoming to the team what, did he shoot the bird to the fans out in the stands? Did he step on someone’s head during a game? Since Coach is not saying then we are not sure. We guess we will have to speculate…. After the game against the rival Deadskins Eli was sitting in front of his Locker when that familiar ring tone came screaming from the top of his locker. “Oh When the Saints come Marching in Oh when Saints go marching in”… “Hey dad, we won again. Did you see?” From the other end of the phone came “Hell no I don’t watch your games. But I wanted to talk about your brother. He is really down in the dumps and needs you to lift him up. So I came up with this plan. You need to suck a lot more, stop winning so many games and let your brother be better than you so he can feel better. Alright do we have a deal?”
Final score the Giants 31 the Deadskins 7. What will Ellie do? Help his brother? Or continue to make himself a winner???

How do two teams heading in such different directions end up in the same place? Well Mr. Roger’s neighborhood was in full force this week as they rolled that little trolley that San Francisco rode in on. Can you just imagine an open air trolley in Wisconsin? We bet that was cold. Almost as cold as Aaron Rodgers was, as he was 21 of 30 for nearly 300 yards. And Troy “the DR” Smith only completed 10 passes all day.
Final Score the 49ers 16 the Packers 34. Man that Packers name makes us giggle.

Let’s talk about what is interesting. It is interesting what you can pick up from the sidelines of an NFL game. Let’s take Tarvaris Jackson, for example. For 1 and three quarters years Jackson has been watching Brett Favre from the sidelines, sitting with him in meetings, discussing check downs when Brett is not in a drunken stupor, Watching film of the other team while Brett texts naked pictures of his dingus to unsuspecting former female coworkers. Then Brett goes down to injury and Tarvaris gets his chance to show the world what he has learned. He throws 3 interceptions. But Adrian Peterson rushes for 3 touchdowns and the Viqueens were playing the Bills…
Final Score the Bills 14 the Viqueens 38. Is Brett going to play? Will his shoulder be well enough for him to play? Is the streak over? Only time will tell? Ohh we just got a text….

Looks like Da Bears stole another pik-a-nik basket. This Time from the Lioness’, When will Detroit win a game? This week after Detroit scored in the third quarter to take a 20 to 14 lead, they got so excited that they had 2 drives end in punts, and one drive end with a turnover on downs. Nice right and could only gain 47 yards. 47 Yards? In nearly a half of play you gain 47 yards? Are you kidding us? Well we now know why you can’t win. Hello Detroit you can’t move the ball. If you can’t move the ball then you can’t score it is pretty simple.
Final Score Da Bears 24 the Lioness’ 20. Hey Detroit grow a set and stand up a little okay? We think we may have been nice on you this season.

Well we have finally gotten to the point in the season where injured players come back. And look who is here? Guess who is back and playing? He is back at full speed. And he is the key to the game. Which game you ask? Any game he is in. So let’s see how he changed the game this week. REGGIE BUSH had 5 carries for 26 yards, with a long of 10 yards making his true stats 4 for 16 yards, not too bad. That is 1 carry a quarter. We guess you are not quite in full game shape just yet. So let’s see if we have any receiving yardage. Oh well he does. Let us see he has 3 catches for zero yards. Zero yards? He had a long of 9 yards. So that means he had 2 catches for minus 9 yards. We wonder if that was a minus 6 then a minus 3, or maybe a minus 5 then a minus 4? Well 8 touches for 26 yards. Nice huh?
Final Score the Saints 34 the Bunguls 30. That is production like TIM TEBOW… HA HA HA Ha…

And next we have an old AFC matchup as The Oakland Raiders went south to play the San Diego Chargers. Is the world really a better place when the Raiders are playing 500 ball? We can only guess that Al Davis is cheering for more victories than losses by the Raiders; however he must be asleep because the Raiders have been playing better. Jason Campbell is starting quarterback again for the Raiders and he did his best. His best resulted in a day of 10 catches on 16 attempts for 117 yards. Now that is production right? Hey as long as you win right?
Final Score the Raiders 38 the Chargers 13. Oh no is Al Davis awake? Oh no he just turned over….

Up next we go to a tough NFC South battle between the Falldowns and the Buc’s. The Buc’s had the perfect game plan for 3 quarters as they took a 17 to 14 lead into the fourth quarter. But then after going 3 and out to start the fourth quarter they punted and the Falldowns took the ball and promptly threw an interception. So with 12:24 left in the game and the Buc’s have the ball at Atlanta’s 39 yard line they proceeded to push the ball over the goal line for a touchdown and 24 to 14 lead. Head Coach Raheem Morris then decided to replace his regular kick off team with the combination of the invisible man, the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, Amy Winehouse, the great pumpkin, count Chocula, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble, that stupid purple dinosaur Barney, and one of the super Mario brother we think it was Luigi, and General Francisco Franco. The Falldowns kick returner Eric Weems said thank you very much as he streaked down the side lines for a touchdown to get the game close. Then the bottom fell out of the corn market futures completely and Buccaneers could do nothing as the Falldowns scored again to put the game out of their reach.
Final Score the Falldowns 28 the Buc’s 24. Another kickoff return for a touchdown… we will have to do some investigating as to why we have so many of these this year…

Up next we head to great northwest and find the Seattle Shehawks inviting the Carolina Panhandlers to town. Why anyone would want to invite panhandlers to their town is beyond us but it is Seattle so enough said right? Okay so the panhandlers didn’t stay long. They scored 2 touchdowns in the first 22 minutes of the game then they left the field and from what we can see, the offense never returned. It took a while for the Shehawks to get it together but after the Panhandlers left the field the Shehawks were able to get things going, and they finally kicked a field goal just before halftime. Then they scored 28 unanswered points. And as tradition would have it they sang the SheHawk fight after each score.
Final Score the Panhandlers 14 the Shehawks 31. I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay, I sleep all night and work all day I chop down trees and eat my lunch I wear pantyhose and bra….

And now we will talk about rule number 3 in the NFL. Rule number 3 states that no team shall travel across country and win, unless the destination is Ari-Freaking-Zona. So at the start of the game the Rams were trying to get on all four feet and the Cardinals struck quickly and kicked a field goal. The Rams stunned by the precision of the Cardinal offense went 3 plays and punted. The Cardinal offense scurried on the field and caught the Rams again off guard as they drove down the field and kicked another field goal. The Cardinals took their 6 to nothing lead and they thought that they had the game in hand. But these are not your older brother’s Rams, these are the Slinging Sammy Bradford’s Rams and they have no give in them when they are playing the Cardinals. Sammy showed what he was worth has he lead the Rams on 3 count them 3 field goal drives before the end of the first half to take a 9 to 6 lead at half time. Then in the second half the Cardinals fed up with their poor quarterback play decided to have a quarterback tryouts. They tried Max Hall, who should have been left in the hall, as he threw the ball 3 times with one completion to his team one interception, and one incompletion. He did have 2 sacks, which lost more yards than his completion was for. The out of the closet they brought John “The Skeleton” Skelton. 3 for 6 for 45 yards sucked a little less than anyone else they could have pulled from the stands.
Final Score the Rams 19, the Cardinals 6. It was like a being in the shower after a high school football, “lots of balls flying around but no real action to speak of.”

And now the game runs between the cowpies and the Colts. The cowpies started out on a 17 nothing run but the Colts came back 14 points of their own. Then the game went back and forth until a blocked punt put the Colts ahead, but a touchdown and 2 point conversion but Dallas back in the lead till Peyton drove the Colts to a game tying touchdown. In overtime Peyton threw his fourth interception and the Cowpies kicked a field goal to win it. After the game Peyton’s phone rang. “Yep? Oh hey how are we on that thing?” Peyton looks left and right over both shoulders searching for anyone who might hear. “I know my dad and mom spent some time in Kentucky back in 73 I think it was February, well Lachey was born in November ‘73 in Kentucky? Interesting.”
Final Score the Cowpies 38 the Colts 35. Peyton Throws 4 more interceptions he is on a Brett Favre pace we think.

On Sunday night we had a knock down drag out game between the Steelers and Ravens. When these two get together keep the kids and pets inside as you never know who is going to get shot. Or who is going to shoot for that matter. Taking lead into the fourth quarter the Ravens thought they had the game sewn up. But this is the Steelers we are talking about and they took over after a fumble at the Baltimore 9 yard line. Big Ben came into the huddle and told the guys “Look this game is ours for the taking, just like any underage girl coming out of the bathroom at any teen club in America. Sometime you have to take life either by the horns or by the hair and wrestle it to the ground till you have your way with it.”
Final score the Steelers 13 the Ravens 10. Did Big Ben learn anything in his female sensitivity training class?

And finally on Monday night we have the most anticipated game in the history of the NFL this Season. The New England Patriots have been pointing to this game for a while now, they got rid of Randy Moss, they traded for Deion Branch, and they practiced hard. They Jets on the other hand stood around and watched their coach make fun on Tom Brady, and his own super model wife instead of preparing his team to play. It was evident as the J E T S could only muster 2 field goal attempts, one they made and one they missed. The rest of the time Bill Bella-cheat held his foot on the neck of the J E T S while his team made light and sport of them and gave a dirty Sanchez to them all.. So like 234 years ago when the Patriots stuck it to the King of England. This night they stuck it to the King of New Jersey.
Final Score the Patriots 45 the J E T S 3. After the game a reporter asked “Racer X” Rex Ryan if he could take anything from this week game, he replied. “I sure can… My team was so gutless and weak; we won the Birth Canal Team of the week!!!”

Well they you go another week in the books. We know it is crazy this Holiday season and we want to wish everyone well as they hustle and bustle around from store to store to find that just right gift.
And remember like we always say…

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today

And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on quiet desperation is the English way

The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say

Home, home againI like to be here when I can
And when I come home cold and tired
It’s good to warm my bones beside the fire

Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells.

Stroll donw the NFL boulevard 2010 week 12

2010-12-07T14:41:00.001-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 12 2010

Here we are week 12 and the Holidays are upon us. With lots of happy feelings and good cheer for one and all we see who is on the naughty list and who is on the nice list. Things may change from here on out but the playoffs are coming and they are coming faster and faster each week. So if you are ready, then we are ready. So let’s get going Expo do your thing please…

So we will start the bottom this week. Way back in the day when Thanksgiving was right, our family used to get to Grandma’s around 10AM and the kids would go out and play football, and the Moms would help with the cooking and the dad’s would sit around in the living room and talk about how great the year was. They would talk about what they were going to get their families for Christmas. They would talk about how Detroit was going to play or how the Cowboys were going to do, then 11:30 CST would finally arrive and we would all gather around the smallish by today’s standards and watch Detroit get killed. We would call it our appetizer. So then after the game was decided some time before half we would get a plate and begin to talk as the game became secondary. This year was not much different except that Detroit hung in there a little longer, almost made it to the pumpkin pie this year.
Final Score the Patriots 45 the Lioness’ 24. Pats are on the naughty list, Detroit on the nice list. What team is nicer that Detroit?

Next the Cowpies were looking to win 3 straight games for the first time this season and give the Diehard fans something to cheer about on Turkey day. The key stat in this game that you will only see here. The Cowpies had 6 fumbles but as usual the last one was the most costly. If you could put a price tag a fumble we say that this one was about 27 million. Is that what the Cowpies are paying Roy Williams? Well never mind now. Hey he did give the fans something to scream about, Most were screaming to hold on the Freaking ball you dumb S-O-B. Well like the ball going through Bill Bukner’s legs in the World Series. Someone had to be Calvin Schraldi and today that person was Terrance Newman has he let some nobody run down the sidelines and catch a Drew Brees pass then the Saints Scored . We guess that when you lead the game 20 to 6 at halftime you should win. But like a dagger thru Jerry Jones heart this; one hurt the fans, the team, and that little boy in all of us wanting the cowpies to be better than this.
Final score The S-Aints 30 the Cowpies 27. New Orleans on the nice list Cowpies on the suck list.

Now that we have talked about memories and how we used to be on Thanksgiving we come to the most needless game on the schedule this week. This game could have been played on Thursday, Friday or Saturday. It could have been played in New York, New Jersey, or the Moon, but the fact remains that as long as the NFL plays a game on its own network then only 2 million people are going to have the chance of seeing it. How crazy is that. We did however think it was cute that the folks in New Jersey got to see 2 home games this week. So to talk about this would be disrespectful to those who saw it live, or should I say that slept through this game
Final Score the Bunguls 10 the J E T S 26. No Last second heroics this week. Just one long dirty Sanchez for the Bunguls. JETS on the naughty list because of their coach, and the Bunguls are so close to the suck list that we are not sure if we can stop it.

Okay so now we get to Sunday, and we find the Battle of Houston. This game had to be the bottom game of the week. Why would anyone battle for Houston? Well let’s just take a look at some of the Stats of Titan Quarterback Rusty “The Nail” Smith. He had a stellar performance as he went 17 for 31 for 138 yards. He had 3 interceptions and probably sucked as he walked off the field just before his team punted 7 times in the game. Wow 9 first downs 10 penalties 20 minutes in time of possession and do you think Jeff Fisher’s job is in Jeopardy? Hey he is the longest tenured Head Coach in the NFL logging 17 seasons with the Titans. However what is cool about him is he has only 6 winning seasons during that time. Do you think he wants a do over with Vince Young? Hey maybe he can trade for Matt Leinart the Back up in Houston surely he can’t suck as bad a good ole Rusty. Oh wait, he probably sucks worse. With the lack of production by the Titans it looks like the Texans could only muster 20 points. We know that you want us to talk about the fight. Here is what we boil it down to. Cortland Finnegan is a punk, always has been and always will be. He should have been suspended.
Final Score the Titans 0 the Texans 20. Both teams on the naughty list. Hey Jeff Fisher here is your prize for the game, no it is not a game ball it is the Birth canal team of the week though.

Now let’s talk about the Buccan game. After months on wondering if the Buc’s were for real we found a test for them. The Baltimore Ravens and Joe “the Delaware Destroyer” Flacco fit the bill nicely. And the Buc’s held their own a late touchdown probably made it closer than it should have been, but hey after a couple a poor seasons the Buc’s are coming out of it nicely. After the game Joe Flacco was asked “Could you see the Buccaneers coming at you during the 4 sacks you took?” He thought for a moment then answered “I couldn’t see a Buccaneer, a damn ear, or any kind of ear? They were wearing helmets you Jack wagon.”
Final score the Bucs 10 the Ravens 17. Bucs on the nice list Ravens on the naughty but only because Ray Lewis killed that guy at the Superbowl .

Up next we have Debut of Leslie Frazier has Viqueens head coach. And being the analyst the Frazier is he was able to get Brett Favre to not throw an interception. Yes it is true. For what seems like forever Brett Favre didn’t throw an interception. And apparently the heavens opened up and God looked down and pointed at the Viqueens and said “You will win.” You know how sometimes a stat just jumps out at you and you can’t do anything about it??? Well the line for Brett Favre Rushing shows us 5 rushes for 9 nine yards. Not Reggie Bush numbers but when you see that is long was 10 yards he really had 4 rushes for a -1 yard. Now that is impressive…
Final Score the Viqueens 17 the Deadskins 13. Both on the Naughty list… You can’t sext pictures of yourself and expect to be on the nice list. And you have to be in good shape to be on nice list…

Okay up next we have to talk about the game that should have never been played. The Brownstains and the Panhandlers played a game and you know what? The only highlights are the one that showed Peyton Hillis. Now we aren’t sure but we think that this Hillis guy is the only thing that the Brownstains have and if the Carolina can’t figure out how to stop him then they don’t deserve to win. Well the thank goodness they didn’t. This is probably more than this game deserves…
Final Score the Panhandlers 23 the Brownstains 24. Neither of these teams deserves the nice list, and both should be on the suck list.

Now we hear about the Ellie the good Manning son. All it took was for Peyton to falter and look who is right there waiting in the wings to be the best manning kid. At the End of the game Ellie was heard in the locker room on his cell phone “Hey Mom. Thanks for the great Turkey dinner I think it really helped me out this week. Yea we won we are 7 wins and 4 losses now.” On the other end of the phone a voice said “Well dear now you know we don’t make fun of anyone in this house. If you don’t have anything nice to say about anyone then you don’t say anything.” Then someone screamed in to the phone “Is this my sissy of a son who has only been to 1 superbowl?” Eli replied “Yes Dad. Hey did I tell you we won and the big game and I threw 2 touchdowns today?” In a Drunken stupor Eli’s Dad replied “You only threw 2 touchdowns? I bet you didn’t even throw for 250 yards did you? DID YOU!!!???” “No” Eli replied “But we won the game, isn’t that what is important?”
Final Score the Jag20 the Giants 24. Jags and Giants both on the nice list, but Eli’s Daddy, he is going on the naughty list.

Imagine, if you will, two opposing forces that when they get together everything kind of just fizzle. The Head Coach of Shehawks Pete Carroll had a chance to prove that his team belonged in the NFL. Then the Kansas City Chiefs Showed up to ruin Pete’s Thanksgiving Day meal. After the game during the press conference Pete Carroll was asked “Hey Coach, and we use that term loosely, did you think you were back in the game at 24 to 35 after you scored so quickly?” “Well” Pete replied “we think we are always in the game, no matter how far behind we fall.” “Then another reporter asked “So do you think you are still in the game now?” “Well as a matter of fact no we are not in the game now, but if we play them again…”
Final Score the Chiefs 42 the Shehawks 24. We guess we have to put the Chiefs on the nice list and the Shehawks should be on the stupid list.

So up next we have an old AFL Matchup as the Raiders came from Oakland to the land of Sunshine and Love, Better known as Florida. It looks like the Raiders were soaking up something, and it was not offense. The Raiders had a total of 262 yards and just 11 first downs. You are not going to win much with that kind of figure. Mr. Al Davis had a terrible under that velour sweat suit. As an example of like of production, Darrin McFadden had 8 carries for 2 yards. That is terrible. And he had a long carry of 6 yards.
Final Score the Raiders 17 the Dolphins 33. Dolphins on the nice list, Raiders on the Suck list. Wouldn’t you know that McFadden is on my fantasy team?

Next didn’t you just know that when Ryan Lindell kicked the game tying field goal to put the game in over time that the Kicking Gods were looking down on Buffalo smiling. Knowing that they had, for the moment, made up for that superbowl disaster from the 90’s. Then they won the toss and you got the sense that they might have a chance, then they had a great return and they were set up on the Pittsburg 48 yard line. Then Ryan Fitzpatrick, steady and true, dropped back and scanned the field. He Found Steven Jackson running alone while Stealer defenders trailing him like he was some guy on Cheaters. And as the ball was coming down everything went in to slow motion, and for just a second you started to celebrate as you began to realize that the Buffalo Bills were going to win against the Pittsburg Steelers. Then Stephen Jackson let the ball slip through his fingers all the way to the ground and it fell harmlessly there. This play ended like one of the world cup Soccer games, Lots of running around but not much scoring.
Final Score the Steelers 19 the Bills 16. We can only guess the Gods smiling turned in to laughing… Steelers on the Naughty List and the Bills on the nice. They never beat anyone and let everyone beat them.

Up next Da Bears Stole another Pik-a-nic basket, this time from the Beagles. Michael Vick came to town and decided to lead his team on Field goal drives. But field goals don’t win in this league unless you are the Steelers. Anyway da Bears made Michael Vick their little boo boo. And he had a few boo boo’s as well. He had an interception and 15 incompletion as well as 4 sacks. Hopefully they will lose the rest of their games and miss the playoffs, but that might not happen.
Final Score the Beagles 26 Da Bears 33. The Beagles are on the naughty list and Da Bears are on the nice list.

Now we will talk about the newest name change here at the stroll. The St Louis Ewes have been moved to the new status of the “Rams” Slingin Sammy Bradford has the Rams pointed in the right direction. If that direction is up then he is okay. We still don’t think he will hold but for now is doing better than any quarterback in say Arizona. We were looking for TIM TEBOW but he was nowhere to be found. During the post game press conference Head Coach Josh McDaniel’s was asked “Hey Coach why didn’t you use TIM TEBOW? Was he available?” McDaniels Glared at the young reporter and said “That is our secret Weapon? Who told you about him?” “Hum it is common knowledge that you drafted TIM TEBOW in the draft in April.” The reporter replied. “Well he is our secret weapon and he will remain a secret until such a time as we need a weapon.” The Coach retorted. “Don’t you think you needed a weapon against the St Louis?” asked the reporter. To which the coach said “they are St Louis do you think we really need help beating St Louis???” It looked like you did “wonderkid”. Did you not have enough game film on St Louis???
Final Score the Rams 36 the Bronco’s 33. Here the Rams go on the nice list. Denver should go on the stupid list but we are going with the ever popular Suck list…

And Last on Sunday night we find Peyton Manning in the worst of his Career. His last couple of games have been real stinkers. It is like he is channeling Matt Schwab or something. After scoring first the Colts were treated to a very nice offensive showing by the Chargers. Charger Head Coach Norv Turner had reason to hold his head high and his chargers stomped a mud hole then walked it dry, all over the Colts. After the game, Peyton was sitting in front of his Locker with his head in his hands he hears his cell phone start to ring. As he opens it up and puts it to his ear, he hears the familiar voice. “Hey Peyton, sorry you didn’t do well tonight, is there anything I can do for you?” “Well as a matter of fact yes you can.’ Peyton said. “Can we find an all night ping-pong Parlor and play a few games, I have something to talk to you about.” “What is it?” came from the other end of phone. “ Well I need to get rid of Nick Lachey ever since my mom talked about him I can’t seem to get his image out of my head.” To which the other end of the phone replied ““I swear on everything that is holy, I Justin Timberlake will help you get rid of that Jack wagon. “
Final score the Chargers 36 the Colts 14. Oh no what is Peyton planning next? Chargers on nice list and it looks like the Colts on the Naughty list, depending on what happened in the next few weeks.

And Finally on Monday night we find the Cardinals and the 49ers in what turned into a laugher. It was so funny that even the players were laughing about it on the field. Hey Derek Anderson why don’t you do everyone a favor and just quit. We are sure that there is some division 3 school trying to start a football program that needs a poor excuse for a quarterback. And right now you are the poorest excuse we can find. You get baited to easily and that reporter baited you till you short circuited. Your press conferences should be used as and example of how not to answer questions. For that matter your game tapes should be shown as how not to quarterback a professional football team. Honestly we have seen better quarterback play in high school games.
Final score the 49ers 27 the Cardinals 6 now for the list the 49ers are on the nice list and the Cardinals are on the suck list…

Well that will just about do it for us this week. We hope you are enjoying this as much as were are putting it together…
And remember like we always say….

ohoh my friends feel it's thier appionted dutey .
oh they keep tryna tell me hunhuah ,
all u wanna do is 2 use me
hey hey my answer
hey hey and i wanna spread the news that if it feels this good gett'n used,
oh u just keep on use'n me....
untill you use me up
hey hey till you use me up

hey my big brother,
huh huh sit me down in the room and talked to me
yeah u know he told me yuh huh huhhey that i autha not let u just walk on me
and i'm shure he ment well yeah
uh huhbut when our talk was through,
hey i said brother if you only knew,
you'ed wish you were in my shoesyou just keep on use'n me till
you use me up
yeah hey till u use me up
hey u know some times it's true u realy do abuse me
get me among your high-class friends
hunhunhuh hey hey then u act real rude to me
huhhunh but oh baby ,
baby baby baby when u loove me i can't get enough
hey and i wanna spread the news ,
that if it feels this good getting used oh u just keep on using me
hey hey till u use me up
hey hey untill u use me up
hey hey and now u talking bout use'n people
it all depend on what you doit aint too bad the way your using me cause i shure am using you to do that thang you do
hey hey do that thang you do

Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard Week 11 2010

2010-12-01T05:27:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 11 2010

Well who would have believed that it only took 11 weeks to get to week 11? Oh wait, we guess that it should take about 11 weeks to get to week 11 huh? Anyway let’s start by talking about who didn’t play this week. Oh wait everyone was on the schedule this week, but did everyone play? Let’s get started, Expo Kick it!!!

First up we will start on Thursday. Okay NFL we get it you want to promote your product to the world 2 million people at a time. But if you continue to put games on television on Thursday when no one is expecting it, then no one is going to watch. Hell Miami didn’t even leave Florida for this game. It was like they didn’t even get on the plane to Chicago. They don’t have a quarterback to speak of as Tyler “The pig” Thigpen is now the starter. He went 17 for 29 for 187 yards and an interception. We probably would have been bored if we would have watched the game but we didn’t remember that it was on.
Final Score Da Bears something the Dolphins nothing. did that game even get played????

Up next we head to Sunday and the bottom again, and how could we have been so wrong? The San Francisco 49ers are done stick a fork in them. Come on everyone grab a fork and start poking all that needs to happen now is Head Coach Mike Singletary get fired. His words have been falling on deaf ears for several weeks now. We thought that the men playing there would have at last tried but after this week we can tell that all the coaching, reasoning, screaming, and trying to build them up as men should be just about over now. The only thing left is the insertion of a new coach. We don’t know if they will be a stiff and hard as Coach Mike. But hey everyone wants to be like Mike right?
Final score the Buc’s 21 the 49ers nothing. Oh and yes all the innuendo’s above are our little way of saying. “Hey San Francisco you are this week’s Birth Canal team of the week…

Staying near the bottom we find the Raiders visiting the Pittsburg Steelers. The return of one of the most fierce battles of the 70’s which actually turned into a big fizzle. Watching this game was like watching reruns of Bonanza on TV Land. We mean everyone remembers the show but do you remember the plot theme? Okay Ben (Lorene Green) and Adam (Pernell Roberts) would be gone selling horses or cows or Ling Su the cook, and Hoss and Little Joe would do something stupid like step on some gunslingers foot. Then there would be some sort of fight, and Ben and Adam would show up and save the day Yahoo!!! So in the game Imagine that the Steelers are Ben and Adam and they are running around scoring like cattlemen at the cattle Barons Ball, and the Raiders are the gunslingers going to town for a bath and night with a gal in Saloon. When someone stepped on Richard Seymour s foot. So he punched the closest guy. It just happened to be Big Ben Roethlisberger. We are so glad that everyone has the upmost respect for Seymour as he took a swing at Ben and knocked him to the floor.
Final Score the Raiders 3 the Steelers 35 We think that big Ben said something about Seymour’s sister but we can neither confirm nor deny that.

Next we will stay near the bottom and find the Green Bay Packers visiting the Viqueens of Minnesota. 2 weeks ago fresh off getting Wade Phillips fired from his cushy Dallas Cowpies head coaching job the Packers had a team meeting. Some asked what we they had to do to get another Coach fired? Well a few of the players texted Brett Favre and asked what can we do to help you get rid of “Chilly”. Brett responded “Well Fellows I have this one sewn up like a guy with a colostomy bag” then he texted the guys a picture of his scrotum and took another vicadin. In a game where the unretireable Brett Favre went 17 to 38 for 208 yards and another interception it was Brett holding the nail while someone else used a hammer to nail the coffin shut. Brett said it best himself.
Final Score the Packers 31 the Viqueens 3. “I think we all, starting with me, could have done more to make this a successful season” We think you think it is a successful season now that Brad Childress is gone.

And now we will remind you of that time when you were in a grocery store and some woman is trying to make a point to the screaming child in her cart that the child can’t have what they want. The child just keeps screaming and screaming and it is so annoying. You know what we mean? And no matter where you go in the store you can hear the kids screaming because it seems like there is some sort of tether hooked to you and this child? Welcome to Jeff Fischer’s world. Vince Young has been told his entire life that he is the best thing ever. Well, can we be the second one to tell you Vince Young you suck. Oh wait we can’t say that can we…
Final Score the Deadskins 19 the Titans 16. Hey we have a Vince young Jersey going Cheap, and a pair of Shoulder pads too…

Now we will head to Kansas City home of the Chiefs. Okay we are bracing ourselves for the fall the Chiefs are about to be on. But at 6 and 4 the fall will not be too far. But this week against the freaking Cardinals they couldn’t help but win. The Cardinals still have no quarterback unless you count Derek Anderson, and still counting him gets you to Zero. In trying to find something nice about this game we can’t think of a thing so we will say…
Final Score the Cardinals 13 the Chiefs 31. Well the kickers had a good day. We Guess…

Next let’s get to something interesting. Well before that let’s talk about the Panhandlers and the Ravens. Hum what can we say at Brian St Pierre, the new Panhandler quarterback that hasn’t already been said? Well he is French American or Canadian we think. He likes those thin Pancakes we think they are called crepes maybe? He likes French toast and French fries. Oh yea he likes to throw the ball to the other team for touchdowns. We guess that is how it is done in France???
Final Score the Panhandlers 13 the Ravens 37. Quote the Ravens again…

When we talked about the Jacksonville Jaguars we thought they were heading to the bottom, but after a three game winning streak they are atop the AFC South. That is a feat in itself. The Brown-Stains however are still the Brown stains and that means that they are still a few years away. But with Colt “The Real “McCoy under center even Eric Mangenius can’t screw this up. But for now Jags Coach Jack Del Rio is safe.
Final Score the Brown stains 20 the Jags 24. But is the Mangenius safe?

Up next we find 2 teams going in opposite directions. The New York Football J E T S invited the Houston Texans to the Meadowlands for a torrid affair. Houston thought that with Matt Schaub at the controls their offense would be okay. Well if okay is losing your last four games in a row then they are just fine. As much as Gary Kubiak tries he has no other option but Matt Schaub, too bad that option is going to get him fired. The J E T S however are not going to fire their head coach Rex Ryan no matter what he does. J E T S quarterback Mark Sanchez dirtied a few upper lips this week as he lead the winning drive in overtime.
Final Score the Texans 20 the J E T S 26. 4 game winning drives in the fourth quarter or overtime. Shouldn’t you be ahead before then?

Up next we head down to Big D home of the little c, for Cowpies. This week Jason Garrett was going for 2 wins in a row. And since the Lioness’ have not won a game on the road since George Bush was in office it is highly likely that the cowpies would get a win. After Jon Kit-Kat Kitna ran one in from 29 yards out, and tied a Cowpie record of longest touchdown by a quarterback, the Cowpies could finally taste a victory at home. But don’t get so excited Cowpie fans your team as only won 3 games…
Final Score the Lioness 19 the Cowpies 35. Should we move them from Cowpies back to Cowgirls??? Not just yet…

So is Buffalo drinking the ripple or what? After winning their first game of the season last week, this week they come out and look like hammered dog crap against the Bunguls (We guess they were playing down to their competition) after a halftime lead of 31 to 14 the Bunguls went in to halftime with thoughts of winning. But the second half seemed to be there demise. A Fumble, 2 Interceptions, a punt, a missed field goal, and a turn over on downs doesn’t appear to be putting up much of a fight. But then when have the Bunguls put up much of a fight.
Final Score the Bills 49 the Bunguls 31. Unscrew the Ripple again Boys it is a great night in Canada…

And now we will head down to New Orleans. It looks like the aints are learning to play without Reggie Bush. He has a broken leg as we all know. We don’t know when he will be coming back but maybe it will be soon. 2 more interceptions for Brees, which will not bode well for the future. But this week they were playing the SheHawks so we think we all know what happened. The SheHawks went to the stadium and played hard for about a quarter then when out to the French quarter stripped down to a halter top and slipped on some high heels and in their best French accent propositioned some young sailor home on leave.
Final Score the SheHawks 19 the Aints 34. ARRGGG we can’t get that visual out of our heads now…

Well now it is time to talk about Slinging Sammy Bradford. The Lambs are better that last year that is for sure, but a playoff team, let’s hold that talk for a few weeks. Not sure what they are smoking in St Louis but the playoff pipe is not loaded yet. Speaking of loaded the Falldowns were loaded bear on Sunday, well maybe they were loaded for lamb. The Falcons got them some nice Lamb chops, when they swooped into Sweet St Louie.
Final score the Falldowns 34 the Lambs 17. Hey Lambs you have to score more than 7 points in the second half.

When the Colts headed into the game on Sunday Peyton Manning was heard before the game on his cell phone “Dad? Yea this is Peyton, your favorite son. What would you say if I played like Ellie?” On the other end of the phone he hears “Son you can’t. I couldn’t stand it.” To which Peyton replied “Dad, I just can’t do it this weekend. I feel a real Ellie coming on. You know I have not had one of those in a while. Not since like Junior high.” And the Peyton went out and threw 4 touchdowns and 3 interceptions. He looked more like his sister than he has in a while.
Final Score the Colts 28 the Pats 31. Even with 3 turnovers the Pats could only win by 3 points. Interesting???

And Finally the night game on Sunday night We don’t have a lot to say about this game except that Michael the Dog Killa Vick played and for that reason we didn’t support him, the sponsor’s or NBC or Stupid Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth. Do they grate on anyone else’s last nerve like ours? After the Ellie was heard talking on the phone “Yea Mom it was a rough day out there today. I had 3 interceptions and only 2 touchdowns. Dad said what?” then he listened very carefully to the voice on the other end. “Well dear your father talked to your brother and he said that he was playing like you this week. Your brother threw 3 interceptions in his game today like you did. But he did throw 4 touchdowns are you going to do that again? Look we are getting old and we need more Super bowl games than just the three you guys have given us. We need a little more than that okay? Do you understand me mister?” As the Tears began to run down his face Ellie said “Yes Ma’am I will try harder”
Final score the G-Aints 17 the Beagles 27. Man Moms can be harsh right?

On Monday we find an old school AFL West Matchup as the San Diego Chargers invited the Denver Broncos to town. In a classy fashion the Chargers allowed the Bronco’s to score first and last, but nothing in the middle. That kind of reminds of a Jam sandwich we had a kid. You know what we are talking about right??? When you took two pieces of Bread and jammed them together to make a sandwich right? They were great, Ah the memories from childhood. Nothing beats that right? And nothing beats the Chargers this week as they win their third straight for a 5 and 5 record. Watch for them in the playoffs...
Final score the Bronco’s 14 the Chargers 35… 10 games and TIM TEBOW has 31 yards total. Wow what production from a first round pick??

Well that is it for this week. We hope everyone is getting ready for Thanksgiving. We know we are. Lots of food to eat and lots of things to be thankful for, too many to mention hear… Tune in Next week...
And remember like we always say….

Well, I quit my job down at the car wash,

Left my mama a goodbye note,

By sundown I'd left Kingston,

With my guitar under my coat,

I hitchhiked all the way down to Memphis,

Got a room at the YMCA,

For the next three weeks I went huntin' them nights,

Just lookin' for a place to play,

Well, I thought my pickin' would set 'em on fire,

But nobody wanted to hire a guitar man.

Well, I nearly 'bout starved to death down in Memphis,

I run outta money and luck,

So I bought me a ride down to Macon, Georgia,

On a overloaded poultry truck,

I thumbed on down to Panama City,

Started pickin' out some o' them all night bars,

Hopin' I could make myself a dollar,

Makin' music on my guitar,

I got the same old story at them all night piers,

There ain't no room around here for a guitar man

We don't need a guitar man, son

So I slept in the hobo jungles,

Roamed a thousand miles of track,

Till I found myself in Mobile Alabama,

At a club they call Big Jack's,

A little four-piece band was jammin',

So I took my guitar and I sat in,

I showed 'em what a band would sound like,

With a swingin' little guitar man.

Show 'em, son

If you ever take a trip down to the ocean,

Find yourself down around Mobile,

Make it on out to a club called Jack's,

If you got a little time to kill,

Just follow that crowd of people,

You'll wind up out on his dance floor,

Diggin' the finest little five-piece group,

Up and down the Gulf of Mexico,

Guess who's leadin' that five-piece band,

Well, wouldn't ya know, it's that swingin' little guitar man.

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 10 2010

2010-11-18T05:58:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 10 2010

Hello everyone it is time again for your weekly look at the NFL through my crooked eye. First we should talk about the teams that didn’t play; First up the Oakland Raiders are basking in the glow that is a 3 game winning streak, with or without a conscience Al Davis, 3 is more still more than 2 any day of the week and twice on Sunday. The Chargers are trying to find some class in San Diego, and New Orleans is trying to find a few more people to wear Drew Brees Jersey’s for that stupid commercial. And finally the Green Bay Packers are trying to clean up Mr. Rogers’ neighborhood. So if we are ready and Expo is ready, then let’s get it going today. Kick it Expo!!!

First up in their infinite wisdom the NFL scheduled a game on Thursday. What the hell? Did anyone see the game? We heard that it was on the NFL network with coverage going to about a million homes in America. Wow what a way to market your product. Well the best thing we can say about this game is that we had no idea that it was on. If we had known about it we would have watched even it was a game that the Falldowns were playing.
Final Score the Ravens 21 the Falldowns 26. Oh wait the Falldowns were playing. Crap...

Up next we will travel to the windy city and start at the bottom. Well maybe we shouldn’t say that bottom, because you never know when Brett Favre is going to bare his old gray butt. Favre had the kind of days people dream about. He was 18 for 31 for 170 yards and three interceptions. We know we have been dreaming about a game like this for Favre for a while. The only thing that could make this game any better is if the great Brett Favre had thrown an interception on his last pass. Head Coach Brad “Chilly Chill” Childress is the next one due in front of the firing squad and personally we don’t think it could happen to a nicer fella. This Jack ass hitched his wagon to an old gray mule and you all know what we are talking about. This Old gray mule, she aint what she used to be.
Final Score the Viqueens 13 Da bears 27. Oh wait as we look over the game log Brett’s last pass was intercepted, what a great day after all.

Next we will stay near the bottom. And we will find the Carolina Panhandlers. Coach John Fox was seen before game on the street corner looking for a quarterback. His best Quarterback is now out poor Matt Moore got injured, and now he is left with Jimmy “the pickle” Clausen. Tampa Bay Buc’s defensive Tackle Gerald McCoy was heard on the sidelines talking to fellow defensive player Barrett Ruud when he said “Hey dad when you gonna eat that pickle?” Ruud replied right now and sacked Clausen again. The only coach to jump in front of Chilly Chill maybe John Fox, he doesn’t even need a cigarette to smoke before he gets fired.
Final Score the Panhandlers 16 the Buc’s 31. Another nice win for Tampa Bay what is going on down there?

Up next we will talk about the Bunguls and the Colts. Carson Palmer has so many targets we think he gets confused. Every week he seems to have several passes to the other team; (we call them interceptions where we are from). After the game Peyton was heard on the phone “Hey Mom, is dad at home? I just wanted to check in with him. Well, yea. I know that Eli is about to start I just wanted to make sure that dad knew it.” From the other end of the phone Peyton heard. “Well that was quite a game you had there son. Who do you think you are? Jason Campbell? With no touchdowns it was almost like you weren’t even on the field.” TO which Peyton replied “I know dad but I didn’t throw any passes to the other team. Can Nick Lachey do that?”
Final Score the Bunguls 17 the Colts 23. No Nick Lachey Can’t do that either.

As a public Service announcement we have to issue this warning message before we start this game most games in over time are okay, you feel the desperation in each team and as each play unfolds the players and coaches begin to feel the chocking as the noose gets tighter and tighter around their throats. They don’t want to be the one who makes a mistake and allows the other team to win. But this game took too long to play 75 minutes of the Brown Stains on the field is about 70 minutes too long. And you knew that they were going to screw something up right? As sure as we were that Shannon Sharpe was going to say something stupid we knew that the Brown Stains were going to screw it up. Brown Stains Head Coach summed it up this way, “We can play with anybody and fight with anybody,”
Final Score the J E T S 26 the Brown Stains 20 Sure you can play with anyone, but can you play? That is the question.

Now we have to talk about Randy Moss’ Day, his first day with the Titans and their revolving quarterback situation. Kerry Collins is okay he completed 9 passes in 20 attempts for 51 yards, oh wait maybe that wasn’t that good. Vince young completed 9 passes in 18 attempts for 91 yards. Still not very good. But Randy Moss had to make an impact; because that is what he does he makes an impact. Let’s look at his day; 1 catch for 26 yards. Hum we have seen better impact watching 3 year olds stomp on bugs. What the Hell? 1 catch for 26 yards?
Final Score the Titans 17 the Dolphins 29. Well we guess that is why he is on his 3rd team this season.

Up next we find that it was not Matt Schaub that screwed up it was Glover Quin. WE have only one thing to say to say to him. KNOCK IT DOWN. DON’T KNOCK IT TO THE OTHER TEAM. After the game we heard Glover say to a reporter “And that is why Teal makes me sad I think” The reporter was heard saying “Well maybe we should roll on over to the mambie Pambie practice field and teach you how to KNOCK IT DOWN you Jack Wagon.
Final Score the Texans 24 the Jags 31. Houston has lost 3 in a row, and they are now 4 and 5. After Beating the Colts on opening day they are 3 and 5. Hey it is just math people…

Someone pop the Ripple, pop the ripple? Maybe unscrew the ripple? The Bills win a game. The Bills win a game. So Coach Chan Gailey is trying to do the same thing he did last week to continue the winning streak. And we have a copy of his list of things he did: 1 carry a rabbit’s foot in his pocket 2. Nail a horse shoe to the wall. 3 find a four leave clover. 4 Rub the top of Ron Howards head. 5 try to find the Lions on this year’s schedule again. Well that throws the NFL’s draft into quandary as now the Bills and Carolina are both tied with one win.
Final Score the Lion’s 12 the Bills 14. Well the Lions and the Cowpies both have 2 wins so they are close to the #1 draft pick.

And now…. Here is the TIM TEBOW show. Apparently 21 to nothing is enough points to get TIM TEBOW into the game this week. And 5 yards is all he could muster. Wow we see why he was put into the game, with 5 yards or production this week he now has 31 for the season. Such production we can’t even comment. We did hear this week that TIM TEBOW is the reason why everyone asks “Where’s Waldo?” Trouble with this game is that Kansas City did nothing wrong it was just that TIM TEBOW did everything right…
Final Score the Chiefs 29 the Bronco’s 49. Anyone can lead a horse to water. TIM TEBOW can make the horse drink.

Up next we are going to have to go classic on you. What is rule number one in football? Teams can’t travel across country and win. Slingin Sammy Bradford learned that lesson again this week. The Lambs can’t even win out of the friendly confines of their own Stadium. This week in San Francisco the Lambs pulled their skirt up again. You know there really needs to be a Best before date tattooed on their inner thigh. But there isn’t one now so we will just say that good teams win on the road, so we guess that the Lambs aren’t a good team yet.
Final Score the Lambs 20 the 49ers 23. But at least this time it went to overtime.
Okay the second rule in football is that a team can’t travel across country and win, unless they are playing the Cardinals. The SheHawks came to Ari-Freaking-Zona and played the Cardinals. That Is not fair as the Cardinals don’t have a quarterback but hell they spent a #1 draft pick on Matt Leinart a couple of years ago only to realize that he couldn’t play. So we guess that Derek Anderson is the best answer. Hum “We will take Quarterbacks that sucked in more than one NFL City? Alex? I played in Cleveland before I got to Arizona. BEEP BEEP “Who is Derek Anderson, the master of Disaster? You are correct.
Final Score the SheHawks 36 to Cardinals 18. Did we just go on Jeopardy on your Ass?

We are going to move to the Sunday night game, because we can. Tom Terrific told everyone before the game started “You got be watching Danny Woodhead, he will be the key to the game.” With that said Danny went out and had the game of his life. Not since he was a little guy on the peewee football field, oh wait, he is little guy on pro football field, but he made an impact. 4 rushes for 11 yards and 2 catches for 22 yards… 33 yards in a game, can someone tell TIM TEBOW. Seriously this game falls to Big Ben Roethlisberger to win and with 5 sacks and 1 interception it seemed like Big Ben’s mind was somewhere else. Perhaps on the Local High School Choir ensemble performance he might miss?
Final Score the Pats 39 the Steelers 26. Big Ben is like School on Saturday…. No Class…

And finally the game everyone has been waiting for. The First Game of Interim coach Jason Garrett. It looks like it was the way Wade Phillips was putting the ill fitting parts together, because Jason sat down and figured out how to make it work. But really this is nothing new when the cowpies and the G-Aints get together for a game. Once a year one team is going to blow out the other one. And yes we said “Blow out.” After the game Ellie Manning was heard talking on his cell phone “Oh Hi dad. You saw the game huh? Damn it I have won 6 games in a row and now you want to watch a game. Well I threw 2 touchdowns. But yes I threw 2 interceptions as well. Yes one was returned for a touchdown. How many yards was it? I don’t remember. Oh you remember do you? How many was it??? 101 yards huh? Yep I think that is right. Look Dad we had a lot of stuff going on during the game, you know the power went out here and the game was delayed for 10 minutes. Oh that was you? You were trying to give me a chance to get off the field? Well that didn’t work did it?”
Final Score the Cowpies 33 the G-Aints 20. We still are going to call them Cowpies for a while.

And finally the last game of the week was the Michael Vick redemption game. For all the time he spent in a prison, for all his personal tragedy, for how he has changed and turned his life around, this game was for you Michael. You just go out and show everyone how great you are. You are the only quarterback in the history of the NFL to throw for 300 yards, 4 touchdowns and rush for 50 yards and 2 touchdowns in one game. We guess you are the only NFL quarterback to sit out and entire season in Prison then return to the game (as your only source of income) that you essentially hiked your leg, and peed on. (PUN VERY MUCH INTENDED) so here is to you Mr. Vick. You are the Quarterback, you are the Man, and you are the convict that turned your life around so much that we are all supposed to feel good about. No one else has comeback from prison to star in the NFL like you do. One question? Why does Mr. Vick get to return to the NFL after killing his Dogs? Does the guy who murdered his wife get to come back to his job at the insurance office after his sentence is up? Does the investment banker that steals people’s money in a pyramid scheme get to work in the banking industry again? We are not against Mr. Vick having a job. But he doesn’t have to be in the NFL does he? There are 100’s of men that haven’t killed anyone or anything that don’t play in the NFL so why do we have to praise him. It kind of reminds us of a story if you do something once you are labeled that for the rest of your life. You get caught making sweet love to a goat and you are label a goat lover the rest of your life. Just once I would like to hear some commentator label him as the man who killed his own dogs because they weren’t aggressive enough for his liking. Okay with that said I am done with Mr. Vick the dog Killer. What he will forever be known as to me. So we have another question, when the Beagles went to the Superbowl in 2005 for the 2004 season didn’t Donavan McNabb get accused of being out of shape and too tired to perform in the last couple of minutes of the game. Didn’t just 2 weeks ago Donnie Mc get pulled from the game for stamina reasons and was replaced with Rex Grossman? Rex Grossman for God’s sake, are you kidding us? And so this is the guy that Mike Shanahan gives 78 million dollars to? Well this week much to everyone’s chagrin the Deadskins are the Birth canal team of the week. If for no other reason that giving up 59 points in a game, 28 in the first quarter, 45 in the first half. And for giving money away like they were the Federal government we just didn’t realize that Donavan McNabb needed a bail out. He did throw 3 interceptions in the game.
Final Score the Beagles 59 the Deadskins 28. We guess we know the pain of a velvet glove like a lizard on window pain.

Well there you have. Another week in the books. And as we put the final touches on this week, we want to thank everyone for the latitude we are afforded to speak our mind. As small as our mind is…
And remember like we always say….

Every time that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life
Is in books' written pages
Lived and learned from fools and From sages
You know it's true

All the things come back to you
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today

Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away, yeah
Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream until the dream come true
Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream until your dream comes true
Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream On
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away...

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 9 2010

2010-11-10T20:13:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 9 2010
Well here we are once again, another week in the books and what do we have to show for it, shambles, utter shambles, in an entire city, an entire region nearly a whole country. But before we get too far lets first talk about who wasn’t scheduled to play. First up there will be no TIM TEBOW jokes as he has the week off, and The Titans are trying to get to know their new wide receiver. Although The Lambs and the 49ers are in the same division they are both at home this week just not the same home. The Deadskins are doing conditioning drills for D McNabb this week, and Jacksonville is basking in the Glory of playing the Cowgirls before their bye, they are resting before next week’s games. So let s take a little inventory. We have a new week to talk about; we talked about the teams that weren’t playing. So we guess we are ready, Expo? Do your thing, please…
First up we will head to what might be the biggest failure in the history of football. Sometimes life gives you lemons. Sometimes life gives you a little vomit in your mouth that gives you some heartburn. Sometimes, as bad as it sounds, a Pigeon will crap on your freshly washed car. Then there is the owner of the Dallas Cowgirls to be known until further notice as your little cowpies. Watching this season for Jerry Jones had to be like being the dummy in a woman’s self defense class when they were working on the ole kick in the crotch move. We guess this will answer the age old question of how many times does a man have to be kicked in the balls before they turn blue, or just pop? And apparently it is giving up 45 points in one game on national TV. There is nothing like being pants for the whole world to see. We might feel sorry for Jerry except he is one of the few to blame. He is the General Manager who put more ill fitting parts together than anyone had since Matt Millan of Detroit. Watching this team and trying to put into perspective what they have this season is like trying to have a hair lip guy described a painting by Pablo Picasso to a blind guy. We wanted to award this game something far more than just the Birth canal team of the week. So the loser of this game will forever be known as the bloody Birth canal Team of the week. And the only thing Jerry could do was to fire Wade Phillips. Talk about kicking a dead horse? They both accomplished the same thing.
Final Score the Cowpies 7 the Packers 45. Jerry Jones might has well have gotten off the team charter and went to the cemetery and urinated on the Grave of Tom Landry. Don’t think that there are not people in Dallas ready to pee on Jerry Jones after that performance. And he doesn’t have to be dead or on fire.
Okay up next let’s stay at the bottom and find ourselves in Carolina for the Panther game. Interestingly enough this game started very differently as the Panthers took control of the game early with an interception and a field goal in the first 4 and half minutes of the game. However just as quick as it started it ended just as fast for the Panthers with a fumble, a missed field goal and punts for the rest of the game. New Orleans Scored 34 unanswered points. After the game there was an announcement over the loud speaker in Panther stadium “Would the lady who brought those 11 kids from the orphanage please get her kids off the field they just scored another touchdown against the Panthers.
Final Score the S-aints 34 the Panhandlers 3. In a normal week this would be the BCTotW. But it will have to settle as the crappy game on Fox.

Next we will have to get on plane to fly to the great Northwest. Is anyone watching what Pete Carroll is doing in Seattle he has quietly put Seattle in position to get at least the eighth pick in the draft. Eight first downs are so great that mere words can’t describe how much the SheHawks sucked on offense. In the locker room someone over heard Ellie on the phone “Hey Mom. No I don’t want to talk to dad he is a selfish Peyton Loving son a biscuit eating witch. No offense to grandma but he is not my favorite person right now. I wanted to talk to you. Did you see me? I played real good and we won again.” Then his expression turned sad as he heard over the phone. “Hum no dear I didn’t. You know, your team started at 4 pm eastern and that was the same time as hum well your brother’s team. And your dad said he would rather watch that game to see if he could see Justin Timberlake in the stands.” “Mom” Eli asked “Does he know he has three sons?” “Oh of course he does dear. He just thinks that Justin Timberlake sprang from my loins like you and Peyton did. I have told him and told him that he was good when he was young but not good enough to produce a Justin Timberlake, maybe a Nick Lachey, or a six foot three quarterback with a laser arm, but that is it.”
Final Score the NYFG 41 the SheHawks 7. 7 points? Who the hell do the SheHawks think they are? The Cowpies?

Okay let’s talk about the great Spit-gate of 2010. So LeRon McLain supposedly spit in Channing Crowder’s face. Okay well in the heat of the game we think that LeRon might have had a speaking problem. And maybe he had a lot of spit in his mouth you know those mouth pieces can create a lot of spit and when some people speak the spit seems to flow a little more that when others speak. All in all the Ravens spitting on the Dolphins was a small offense compared to what they did to them on the field. We mean the Ravens could have, well we guess they kind of did wipe not only the floor but their little Ravens behinds as well. Not much else to say except this was the crappy game on CBS.
Final Score the Dolphins 10 the Ravens 26. Maybe the president will have those two come to White House and have a beer to settle the matter? And who names their kid Channing? His mom should be arrested for Cruelty to animals we think…

Speaking of Cruelty to animals let’s talk about Michael Vick Aka “Dog Killa”. We are sure that Mike is sorry for chocking his dogs several years ago. It still doesn’t make it right nor does it make it right to allow him to make millions of dollars playing a game. We think that on his days off like every Tuesday he needs to go to a non killing animal shelter and walk some dogs and pick up their droppings with his bare hands. That might help ease America’s suffering. After the game while Peyton Manning was in the locker room he was overheard talking on his cell phone “No Dad Justin Timberlake was not in the stands. I told you he wasn’t going to be here. How did Eli do? No dad his game was at the same time. Didn’t you and Mom use that new feature on your Sony TV? Yes the picture in Picture feature? I did set it up when I came over there last time. What? Mom said what? Nick Lachey just sprang from her loins? What?”
Final score the Colts 24 the Beagles 26. As Vick was taking off his shoes after the game he noticed someone had had written on the bottom of his shoe. What does that say he thought? ANDY? What the hell?

Just when everyone thinks they have this year figured out, you know who is going to beat who. Who is going to cover the spread, and who is not. Did anyone see this one coming? The New England Patriots came to Cleveland and got slapped around like they were Tina Turner. Who would have thought Peyton Hillis would channel Jim Brown. He carried the ball 29 times for 184 yards, very nice. That is just crazy. Tom Terrific appeared to be channeling someone as well, but the memories of Brady Quinn games were too fresh in the minds of Brown stain fans not to recognize. Last Week coach Bill Bella-cheat said that he couldn’t comment on what other teams did with their roster, when Rand Moss was released. He then said “Hell I can’t even coach my own team.” Too bad that was a reality this week.
Final Score the Pats14 the Brown Stains 34. 34 points in one game? We did not think Head Coach Eric Mangenius could count that high…

And now for something completely the same. All you need to know about this game is that the Bills were playing in their future home of Toronto, because everything else was the same. The Bills keep it close only to spit the bit in the fourth quarter. With Buffalo leading 19 to 14 with 10 minutes to go they had 3 more drives, one that ended an interception, one that ended with a turnover on downs and one that ended with an interception. At least they didn’t have to punt the ball away. In the midst of that stellar fourth quarter performance Da Bears and Jay Cutler were able to drive for the winning score such as it was.
Final Score Da Bears 22 the Bills 19. Thanks god this game was played in Canada; they don’t know what good football is. For for all my Canadian friends… This was not good football…

Up next we head to the best team in Texas. The Houston Texans are now what Texas pro football fans have to hang their hat on. Great… Matt Schaub is now the starting quarterback for the best professional team in Texas. Hey Texas just fell behind Montana, Idaho, and South Dakota as the states with the worst professional football. The Chargers of all teams came to Houston and bit of a piece of the Texans like Mike Tyson took a piece of Evander Holyfield’s ear back in the day.
Final Score the Chargers 29 the Texans 23. Oh Wait we just checked the list again, and Maine is ahead of Texas as well.

Okay okay okay on the one hand you have Brett Favre, Brett Favre, Brett Favre. Then on the other hand you have Derek Anderson, Derek Anderson, Derek Anderson. And you want us to tell you how this turned out? The Damn thing went to over time before Brett freaking Favre decided to play. Well in all fairness to Brett Favre he decided to play with about 5 minutes left in the game. Maybe that was when the Alcohol and vicadin haze, Brett lives in, cleared enough for him to make a couple of passes to win the game in over time. But Hell he beat the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals.
Final Score the Cardinals 24 the Viqueens 27. Who will Brett text his penis to this week? Expo is that your phone ringing?

In a game that became a game for first place in the NFC South the Falldowns and Tampa bay decided to settle the old school way, on the field. Both teams fought really hard and he had a well played game for the most part. Matt Ryan played well completing 24 of 36 passes for 235 yards. He threw a touchdown pass to Michael Palmer. Michael Palmer? Who the hell is that? Didn’t he throw a touchdown to Roddy White? No? Okay well Michael Palmer then and Michael Turner rushed for over hundred yards which is good oh and he had 2 touchdowns. As time ran out Tamp Head Coach Raheem Morris went running out on the field yelling “This was our game to win. Where are my Buccaneer’s? Where are Buccaneers?” Matt Ryan wondered up to the coach and reminded him “Hey your Buccaneer’s are under your Buccan Hat you jack Wagon!”
Final Score the Buc’s 21 the Falldowns 27. As exciting as this game was, we happened to be watching paint dry… or so it seemed.

In another game that was like watching grass grow the Kansas City Chiefs went west young man and found themselves in Oakland of all places. SSSHHH be very quiet we don’t want to wake Al Davis. Since he has been asleep the Raider became significant again. Jason Campbell is playing decent has he completed 19 passes in 33 attempts for 229 and only threw one interception. Not bad. But the upmost important Key to winning the game for the Raiders was how they were able to contain the Chief star Tim Castille. The Raider held this Chief star to 1 carry for no yards. And the Polish Punisher Sebastian Janikowski kicked a game tying field goal with 3 seconds left in the game then kicked the game winner in over time.
Final Score the Raiders 23 the Chiefs 20. Okay now everyone run to Google to find out who Tim Castille is.

Detroit did everything they were supposed to do except win. This is getting to be terrible for the Lions as they can’t seem to get out of their own way to win a game. This week Matt Stafford got hurt again, and their kicker got hurt as well. We kind of like Jim Schwartz but his in game adjustment has to be called in to question when looking for a back up kick. Didn’t he have a plan if the kicker got hurt during the game? Didn’t he put more that 2 seconds of thought in to before just picking the heaviest guy on his team? We know that the boy named Sue is good but backup kicker good we don’t think so. And once he missed the extra point that would have won the game Mark Sanchez took over and gave a dirty Sanchez to the following people: Detroit Head Coach Jim Schwartz, Matt Stafford, and the boy named Sue.
Final Score the J E T S 23 the Lions 20. Hey Expo how do you spell Sue’s first name? Never mind we will just call him Sue.

Finally on Monday night we had the AFC North Battle. The Bunguls and Steelers took to the field with the teams going in different directions. One going up and one going down. Terrell Owens may not be a cancer in the locker room but his team is really sucking on the field, but it is not his fault. He had 10 catches for 141 yards and two touchdowns. Robin (Ochocinco) had 1 catch for 15 yards and no touchdowns. And while Owens was celebrating on the field his touchdowns Chad was whining on the sidelines to Carson Palmer “Hey man why don’t you throw mw the ball anymore? I feel like you are trying to cheat on me with T O. Is that true?” to which Carson replied “No man I am not. I am just trying to make him feel welcome.” Carson then picked up his helmet and walked down the sidelines to congratulate T O on his touchdown catch.
Final Score the Steelers 27 the Bunguls 21. Do we smell a wide receiver controversy brewing in Cincinnati???
Well there we go again another week in the books. We sure do hope that you are enjoying this as much as we are putting it together. It is a labor of love. Don’t forget to check out the song at the end.
And remember like we always say….

I walked through a county courthouse square
On a park bench an old man was sitting there
I said, "Your old courthouse is kinda run down"
He said, "No, it'll do for our little town"
I said, "Your old flagpole has leaned a little bit
And that's a Ragged Old Flag you got hanging on it"
He said, "Have a seat," and I sat down

"Is this the first time you've been to our little town?"
I said, "I think it is" He said, "I don't like to brag
But we're kinda proud of that Ragged Old Flag
You see, we got a little hole in that flag there when
Washington took it across the Delaware
And it got powder-burned the night Francis Scott Key
Sat watching it, writing 'Say Can You See'

And it got a bad rip in New Orleans
With Packingham and Jackson tuggin' at its seams
And it almost fell at the Alamo
Beside the Texas flag, but she waved on though
She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville
And she got cut again at Shiloh Hill
There was Robert E. Lee, Beauregard, and Bragg
And the south wind blew hard on that Ragged Old Flag

On Flanders Field in World War I
She got a big hole from a Bertha gunS
he turned blood red in World War II
She hung limp and low by the time it was through

She was in Korea and Vietnam
She went where she was sent by her Uncle Sam
She waved from our ships upon the briny foam
And now they've about quit waving her back here at home

In her own good land here she's been abused
She's been burned, dishonored, denied, and refused
And the government for which she stands
Is scandalized throughout the land
And she's getting threadbare and she's wearing thin
But she's in good shape for the shape she's in'
Cause she's been through the fire before
And I believe she can take a whole lot more

So we raise her up every morning, we take her down every night
We don't let her touch the ground and we fold her up right
On second thought, I do like to brag'
Cause I'm mighty proud of the Ragged Old Flag

Remember your Veteran’s on November the 11th. They do what they do so you have the freedom to do what you want to do without fear because they are in front of you blazing a path. Walking beside you to make sure you are heard and behind you to protect you. Remember you are here because of those who chose to care for you even if you don’t care for them. They chose to protect you even if you don’t protect them. They think it’s their Duty to keep you safe. It should be our duty to thank them when you see them. It is not that hard, you thank the waitress that brings your food you thank the Bartender that brings your drink. So take it from Expo and me Thank a soldier the next time you see one. It will make you feel good and you will surprised by the smile you see from them!!!
We are getting off our soap box. See you next week…..

Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard week 8 2010

2010-11-05T10:52:00.001-07:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 8 2010

Well week 8 is here it is fitting that this week was on Halloween because there was some scary stuff. We will get to that shortly but first let’s talk about who didn’t play. Wow six teams on the bye this week; lots of teams out trick or treating, first we find the Falcons building a nest in Atlanta, Da Bears are Hibernating this week. The Brown stains are washing out their underroos in Lake Erie, while Ellie Manning is trying to get his Father into some therapy. Philly Head coach Andy Reid is spending his time off flipping a coin to find his next starting quarterback. Finally the Ravens took the day off as well. Well Expo that should just about do it, so kick it.
First up we will start at the bottom and what a bottom it is where to begin??? What if we start in Snokiville AKA New Jersey? This didn’t bode well for J E T S fans as somehow their team got on a time machine and went back to that Magical Season of 1996. You know the one where nothing went right and the Jets actually made their stadium stink worse than their 1 and 15 season. We researched it and they never had a game like this: 5 times you punted 3 times you could gain 10 yards on 4 plays and you gave the ball back to the Packers on downs, 2 times your Quarterback dropped back to pass and thought it would be better to throw the ball to packers instead of his teammate. One time the ball got too hot to handle and Brad Smith threw it on the ground for a fumble and only one time in the game did Coach Rex Ryan think it was okay to try a field goal which Nick Folk promptly missed, imagine that if you can sports fans… After the game Rex Ryan was asked what his team could have done to make the game a better match up? “Well we really should have had our eyes on the prize; some of these guys should have acted less like a soft patch of fur under their skirt. Oh yea and blocking and tackling better might have helped as well.
Final Score the Packers 9 the J E T S 0. Yes. That is zip, nada, nothing, zilch. Oh yea the JETS are the B. C. T. o. t. W.… The Birth Canal Team of the week.

Up next we will not move very far up but we will head to the City by the Bay. Not San Fran but Oakland. Who the hell woke up the Raiders up?? With the Raiders now at 4 wins and 4 losses they find themselves at 500. This is the first time the Raiders have been 500 since they were like 1 and 1 If Al Davis is asleep, no one wake him up. Without his interference the Raiders actually look like a team that can compete. The SheHawks on the other hand are upset that they bared all to see and it only a few peopled snickered, and a couple of guys pointing. Did they really want to expose their perfumed inner thigh for the world to smell?
Final Score the SheHawks 3 the Raiders 33. Hey Expo are you having a tuna sandwich?

Now we will talk about the Ewes they have been upgraded. The St Louis Ewes will now be known as the Lambs. The Lambs are playing much better behind their defensive minded head Coach Steve Spagnuolo. The Defense is playing better which allows the offense to play better. Right now Slingin Sammy Bradford has really got a hot hand as he went 25 for 32 and 2 more touchdowns. Matt Moore looked like an undrafted free agent signee, oh wait he was an undrafted free agent signee. And the Panther have had their fur rubbed the wrong direction again. Many more Sunday’s like this and they might end up going Bald.
Final Score the Panthers 10 the Lambs 20. Hey do you think there will be any fur on Panther at the end of the season? Nope then would they become a Brazilian Cat?

Up next we will talk about the War in Kansas City. These two teams were like 2 heavy weight boxers going toe to toe in a championship fight, with each team giving it their all. And again Buffalo’s all was not enough to break their perfect streak, their Perfect winless streak. Down in Miami each year they pop a bottle of Champagne when the last unbeaten team loses. We think that maybe the Detroit Lions of 2007 and the 76/77 Buccaneers might do the same thing except that it is not champagne, but maybe a bottle of Ripple. In this war of attrition we can honestly say with all the conviction that this statement deserves: why did this game have to be played??? And why did we have to see the highlights.
Final Score the Bills 10 the Chiefs 13 in overtime no less. 75 excruciating minutes of football that would have made the happiest people in the world want to play Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.

The only thing you really need to know about the next game is the Dan Carpenter is a kicker for the Miami Dolphins, and he is better kicker than Heather Mills, because both of his feet are attached to his legs. And while Heather Mills’ feet are attached to her legs, she can remove one of her legs where Carpenter cannot.
Final Score the Dolphins 7 Dan Carpenter 15 the Bunguls 14. Holy Crap are the Bunguls this bad??? They sure look like it…

Now it is time to talk about TIM TEBOW and the Denver Broncos… Well the NFL decided that they needed to travel to London to play their annual game and this time the Broncos and the 49ers were the victims to make the plane ride. Could the NFL find 2 teams further to travel than these two? There were a couple of fans in the stands and were overheard saying “Hey this TIM TEBOW guy is really something special, I heard when he does a push up he pushes the earth down.” TO which the man next to him said “Yes I did hear that, and I also heard the TIM TEBOW can touch old Rap star MC Hammer.” Well Since all of England was waiting to see TIM TEBOW the Bronco’s put him in right away. In the third quarter TIM TEBOW got the call on a rushing play and scored a touchdown. And the crowd went wild, not because he scored but they were mystified buy the sheer fact that he got into the game. Let’s take a look at his stats. He Rushed two times for one whole yard, (Not some partial yard, but the full three feet) Wow can you feel the electricity of the moment when TIM TEBOW rushed for a touchdown.
Final Score the Bronco’s 16 the 49ers 24. Two rushing touchdowns and just over 25 yards on the ground now that is production that you can only see in the stats of the game because if you blinked while watching the game you would have missed it.

Up next we would like to take this opportunity to truly apologize to the fans of the stroll. I know that everything you read is of my own making, I write and I publish it and I misspell it. I rarely get any help from anyone else with my writings, I know that you are expecting a lot more than what you are getting from me, but you have to realize that we, and when I say we I really and truly mean me the owner of the blog and the writer of the blog are really going to get in this next week and motivate the keys to write something real good. We are going to write something that you and all the other Blog fans around the world can get behind, and cheer for and root for and be proud of again. Thanks. Whoa Expo did that just happen? It did?
Final Score the Jags 35 the Cowgirls 17. Did I sound like Jerry Jones, because I felt like a younger Al Davis, you know without the diaper but with the sense of not knowing what the hell is going on…

Up next we head to the biggest grudge match of the week. The Minnesota Viqueens went to Foxboro Mass to play the Patriots. Randy Moss had lots to prove on Sunday as he went back to the team that gave up a couple of draft picks for him a couple of years ago. Tom Brady in gentlemanly fashion spoke to Randy before the Game and was heard saying “Dude I hope you quit on that old man like you did me a couple of weeks ago.” Randy replied “I didn’t quit on you, the Patriots, Bill Bella-cheat or anyone here. If anything I quit on myself.” Moss went out and had a wonderful day catching one pass for eight yards. We can tell someone quit on Sunday. Then on Monday morning Viqueens head coach/Moron told Moss not to bother coming in, that his services were not longer needed. “Hell without those eight yards that Moss provided we would have only had 277 yards passing instead of 285 like we did.” Childress said later in the day.
Final Score the Viqueens 18 the Pats 28. Does Brad Childress know that when he released Randy Moss he essentially just traded his third round pick in next year’s draft for a small pile of dust and a dirty jock strap?

Oh no Donavan McNabb needs a hug again. Only thing is big Andy Reid is not around to supply it. You See McNabb was so beloved in Philly that Andy traded him to the Deadskins. Now when Donavan looks at the bottom of his shoes it doesn’t say Andy on it any more, that is scratched out and Mike is written in its place. We wondered how long it was going to take Task Master Mike Shanahan to turn on his offense like he had on Albert Hanesworth. Well like the song says “Let the good times roll.” Coach Shanahan looked around and with 8 minutes to go felt like his 25 to 20 lead was safe. But then in the last 5 minutes of the game the Deadskins had drives of 49 seconds for zero yards that ended in an interception. (Why are you throwing the ball with the lead and less than 5 minutes to play?) a drive that ended in 56 seconds on downs and lost 8 yards(couldn’t you have punted and at least made it look like you were trying to win the game?) then a drive ended on a fumble that was returned for a touchdown to ice the game. Good gravy this offensive genius Mike Shanahan could have almost ran out the clock by taking a knee 6 times and punting twice and won the game. But instead he decided that running the ball once, throwing 3 incomplete passes, throwing an interception, taking 2 sacks and having one fumble returned for a touchdown was the right way to end the game. Giving up 17 points in the final 3:12 of the game was the right call we guess.
Final score the Deadskins25 the Lions 37. Huh?? And Donavan got too tired to run the 2 minute offense at the end of the game? We wonder if he got tired of running back and forth to the side lines.

Well looking over the next game we see that Norv Turner found an answer to his little special teams issues from earlier in the season. Philip “Old Man” Rivers had a nice enough day going 27 for 35 for 305 yards and two touchdowns. The Running back by committee finally had a meeting and decided to rush the ball 34 times for 156 yards and a couple of touchdowns. But what this game came down was Indecision. The indecision of the big mustache of Jeff Fisher does that thing get in the way of him having a thought? Sometimes we think that he can’t make a decision without consulting it. And the Mustache keeps talking Fisher into changing Quarterbacks again…
Final Score the Titans 25 the Chargers 38. Maybe that is why he holds that paper up to his face, he is talking to his mustache???

And finally the last day game on Sunday was the Buccan game. As Tampa Bay flew west to find the Cardinals in Ari-Freaking –Zona they knew they had tough battle. What??? A tough battle? The Cardinals a tough battle??? Maybe in 2008 but not without Kurt Warner. Hell Coach Ken Whisenhunt can’t decide if playing Derek Anderson is better than playing Max Hall. That choice is like a death row inmate having to choose his own execution; 1 a slow agonizing death or 2 a slower agonizing death. (Inset your own death Joke here) We would choose the latter for sure.
Final Score the Buc’s 38 the Cardinals 35. This Josh Freeman can really play can’t he?

And the Last game to close out Halloween Sunday was a wonderful tilt between the Steelers of Pittsburg and the S-Aints of New Orleans. Before the game James Harrison was overheard talking to backup running back Mewelde Moore. “Hey what promotion is going on here tonight?” to which Moore responded “It is Garrett Hartley Bobble foot night.” “What the Hell is Bobble foot night?” “Well he is the kicker and they have not been so kind to him over the last several weeks so they decided to honor him with his own statue. It is a big foot on a spring and the platform has his name on one side and FEMA on the other.” “Well” Harrison said “I guess that is better than those Ben Roethlisberger condoms they are going to pass out next time we are home. I heard the motto of the condom was the Ben Roethlisberger condom for the sex you want, but she doesn’t.”
Final Score the Steelers 10 the S-Aints 20. Oh my Lord what has the promotions department come to, so to speak?

And what everyone was waiting for… the Monday night extravaganza. We welcome the Indianapolis Colts and Houston Texans. This game went a long way to everyone in the world one thing; Peyton Manning is still a quarterback that can lead a team past Matt Schaub. After the game Peyton was heard on his cell phone in the locker room area talking to his father. “Yes Dad. It was a great game. Yes Dad I told you that I was going to get a loch of Justin’s hair for mom, and one for you too. Did you go with Eli to the doctor’s office today? But dad you promised? No dad he is your son as well. No you actually have 3 sons but one is an accountant or lawyer or something, I think, Hell I really don’t know what that jack wagon does but I have two brothers, and you have 3 sons. Yes you do dad.” Stuart Scott interviewed Matt Schaub after the game…
Final Score the Texans 17 the Colts 30. But like always when Matt Schaub speaks no one listens.

Well that will wrap it up for another week. Our apologies on the timeliness of this week’s entry. So we will just end it for this week…
And remember like we always say…..

I turn on the tube and what do I see?
A whole lotta people cryin', 'Don't blame me'
They point their crooked little fingers at everybody else
Spend all their time feelin' sorry for themselves
Victim of this, victim of that
Your mama's too thin and your daddy's too fat

Get over it!
Get over it!

All this whinin' and cryin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it! Get over it!

You say you haven't been the same since you had your little crash
But you might feel better if they gave you some cash
The more I think about it old Billy was right
Let's kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight
You don't wanna work, you wanna live like a king
But the big, bad world doesn't owe you a thing

Get over it!
Get over it!

If you don't wanna play then you might as well split
Get over it! Get over it!

It's like goin' to confession every time I hear you speak
You're makin' the most of your losin' streak
Some call it sick but I call it weak, yeah yeah yeah
Yeah you drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt, you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin' everybody down
You bitch about the present and blame it on the past
I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little ass!

Get over it!
Get over it!

All this bitchin' and moanin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it! Get over it!

Get over it!
Get over it!
It's gotta stop sometime so why don't you quit?
Get over it! Get over it!

Get over it!

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 7 2010

2010-10-28T09:13:00.000-07:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 7
2010

Well here we are nearly half way through the season. We are watching everything really close as teams are trying to get to the playoffs while others it appears are trying to get a better draft pick. First let us talk about who is not playing this week. The Lions are lounging on the Serengeti, Peyton Manning and Justin Timberlake are watching a Sony blue ray of their commercials together, so the Colts are off. The Texans are in Houston trying to figure out why they are not in first place by themselves, and the NYFJ, The New York Football J E T S. Hey Expo did you know that the JETS were on a bye this week? You did? Why didn’t you tell us, so we wouldn’t have put 2 New York Jets on our fantasy team? How are we going to score any points with two guys on a bye week? Hell we don’t either. Okay well keep us informed please and kick it if you will.

Well we will start on the bottom and guess where the bottom is this week? New Stinking Orleans, the team that everyone believed in, last year, is now starting play like a team that has lost its way. Or maybe they just got lucky and they really aren’t has good as the experts say. Somewhere along the road from the superbowl the S-aints thought that they could just show up and teams would lie down. We mean hey they are the Superbowl champions right. Well the Browns Stains came to New Orleans for some fun on the French Quarter. So when the game started the Brown Stains were pumped up and ready to go. David Bowens was really ready to go has he had 2 of Drew Brees’ 4 interceptions. Not bad for a Defensive lineman? Not when he ran both of them back for touchdowns. After the game Brees was asked his team “We know the type of team we have. We know the type of work ethic we have. The effort is there. Guys want to win. Guys want to be great.” Well Drew, you can hope in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up fastest. We already know how that works. The S-aints did win something… Week 7 Birth Canal Team of the week.
Final Score the Brown Stains 30 the S-Aints 17. We have not seen this much crap in the Super Dome since it held the Katrina Refugees…

Next up the Train wreck that is Da Bears. This game was like a third grade lunch on any given Wednesday. You know where little Donnie and little Jay Jay make a trade of lunch that their mom packed that morning. You know they don’t know what is in their own lunch sack they just want the others guys more. So Little Donnie traded his day for Little Jay jays, it might have worked out except that little Jay jay had still had to play behind his Offensive line. And these guys could not hit the ground if they fell down from a standing position. During the game Bear Right guard Edwin Williams was heard asking Right tackle J,Marcus Webb, “Hey man did you hear? We aint getting no Christmas card from Jay jay?” “Yes I did. I like Christmas cards. It lets me and my family knows who is thinking about us and makes us feel loved.” Well Little Jay jay isn’t getting much from his line this week as he takes another 4 sacks. It is like this guy is the dog Catcher wearing milk bone underwear. Everyone is on his butt.
Final score Deadskins 17 Da Bears 14. The only good about this game is that it is over. Crappy Game on Fox for sure…

Now we want to talk about the game that included the Miami Dolphins and the Pittsburg Steelers. Oh wait here comes an official review from the booth. “After further review the call on the field is over turned but instead of doing the right thing we are just going to screw the Dolphins, Why you ask? Well because we can. So because we couldn’t tell that the ball did cross the goal line we figured that it did so we called it a touchdown. But after review we saw that it was really a fumble, but we just thought that it took us too long to figure out that it really wasn’t a touchdown and even though the Dolphins gave us the ball, that doesn’t really, mean that they recovered it. So by rule the ball goes back to the fumbling team and for shits and giggles we are going to call it fourth down at the huh??? Half yard line yea that it the half yard line. Okay so we have the ball here on the half yard line and it will be fourth down from right here. Steelers ball any questions??? Please submit in writing to…
Final Score the Steelers 23 the Dolphins 22. Dolphin head coach told the referee “Hey I feel the stinging pressure in my anus like someone is putting their thumb in there.” To which the referee retorted “Ta Da!!!!!”

Now in honor of Halloween the Jacksonville Jaguars started their ghost of a quarterback Todd Booman. How fitting that the Booman was starting this close to Halloween? What? What do you mean that is not how to spell his name? B O U M A N? Well that doesn’t sound like a ghost, that doesn’t even sound anything like a Halloween name. No it’s not, we agree not even close. Okay so what do we have on this game? Matt Cassel??? You are giving us Matt Cassel. Well screw that we will just give the score…
Final Score the Jags 20 the Chiefs 42. Hell we had a great joke about a Booman getting spooked for Halloween and it was just ruined. Thanks a lot….

Up next we head to Tennessee for the Kenny Britt show. As Kenny was getting ready for the game he went over to quarterback Vince Young and said “Hey if you throw it I will catch it and we will score touchdowns today.” Vince looked at him and said “Hey man I would love to throw the ball, but you better talk to the head coach because I am hurt and not playing.” So Kenny went to the Head Coach Jeff Fisher and told him “Hey coach if you get someone to throw up the ball then I will catch it and score some touchdowns.” Fisher turn Blurry eyed toward Kenny and said “You want to catch touchdowns and then throw up?” Well we felt like throwing up when we realized the Kenny Britt was on the sidelines and we had Bryon Edwards starting on our Fantasy team this week.
Final Score the Beagles 19 the Titans 37. Anyone else drunk with power like Jeff Fisher?

The Buffalo Bills had an Extra week to contemplate their Season and they came to decision that they are just going to try harder. So this week when they went to play Baltimore they stay focused and alert. They had over 500 yards in total offense. They had 27 first downs, and held the ball almost 39 minutes. They were sacked only 1 time during the game against a tough Raven defense and only punted the ball 2 times the entire game. Then in overtime with the scored tied at 34 Ryan Fitzpatrick passed the ball to Shawn Nelson, and he made a major mistake. He lost his focus and fumbled the ball giving it back to the Ravens who drove all 9 whole yards and kicked the game winning field goal. After the game Bills head coach said “This game was as embarrassing as being a junior high boy and realizing, while in the shower after PE, that you have the smallest penis.”
Final Score the Bill 34 the Ravens 37. Wow they were so close but they came up a little short.

The next game was a real back and forth battle. The Bunguls went to Hot-Lanta to play the Falldowns. They did everything correctly. Right down to tying their shoes in the perfect double knot. You know ones we are talking about? You know the perfect knot where each shoe lace is perfectly proportioned to the end and the loops are the same size and everything, where even those plastic things on the end of the shoe lace look good. Everything but win. We are reminded that previously Chad Ochocinco said “How can this team not go to the Super bowl with all this talent?” We have another question?
Final Score the Bunguls 32 the Falldowns 39. How can this team make the playoffs with all this talent?

Well now it is time to go to a funeral. The San Francisco 49ers are dead. And with that so might Head Coaching career of Mike Singletary. The 49ers proved that you can’t go across the country and win a football game. No matter how bad the other team is. Carolina had 2 weeks to prepare for the onslaught that that is the 49er defense. Onslaught? Onslaught ? Really? That is the word you want to use here? Onslaught? Okay well the onslaught apparently was just what the doctor ordered as the Panthers of all teams ended the 49ers season this day.
Final Score the 49ers 20 the Panthers 23 Onslaught? Really who writes this crap???

Up Next we will check in on Slinging Sammy Bradford and The Ewes. This is an up and down like they are on a roller coaster. One week they are up then the next they are down. This is a down week, Sammy didn’t play too badly he was 13 of 26 for 126 yards. However they only scored in 1 quarter. 17 points in one quarter is great, but if you don’t score anymore then your defense has to hold up under the pressure. The Ewe Defense held up like a Popsicle stick statue of the gateway Arch against the big bad wolf. Who in the case was Josh Freeman. He huffed (some paint) and puffed (a couple of left handed Cigarettes) and blew the Ewes statue down. (With one might blow so to speak). That wasn’t very nice.
Final Score Ewes 17 the Buc’s 18. Looks like the Buc’s had Lamb chops for Dinner.

Well next up it appeared that Orlando Mare took out all his frustrations on the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals. He only needed 4 field goals to beat the Cardinals. But he got 5 just to rub it in. If this is the kind of game plan that Head Coach Ken Whisenhunt comes up with after an extra week to prepare, then he should look for a different job. Like maybe the guy who empties the spit buckets from a boxing gym? Mainly because his game plan wasn’t worth spit. So the SheHawks beat the Cardinals is that a stretch? Not really…
Final Score the Cardinals 10 the SheHawks 22. Really was this really a game or did someone in the NFL just make this up on a sound stage in Los Angeles??

No we will talk about the Chargers. How do you let Tom Brady and his Rapunzel like hair come to your town and win? Before the game Tom was overheard on the sidelines talking on his cell phone. “Yeah it is pretty cool in So Cal. But there are a lot more foreigners than I thought that there would be. And they are kind of dirty. Well yeah exactly, at least they are not Hawaiian. I mean that would be terrible. What? Oh I guess Hawaiians aren’t foreigners are they? But they are dirty for sure.”
Final Score the Pats 23 the Chargers 20. Stay Classy San Diego and possibly with a new coach???

And in the final day game we had an old AFL Matchup as the Oakland Raiders took on the Denver Bronco’s with TIM TEBOW. Let’s see how TIM TEBOW did. Well TIM TEBOW didn’t have a fumble and he didn’t throw an interception. But he didn’t have a completion either, nor did he attempt a pass. After the game he had last week you would think that he would have gotten into the game a play or two. But alas this game was so close that even TIM TEBOW couldn’t get on the field.
Final Score the Raiders 59 the Bronco’s 14. Good God how far out of hand does the Game have to be for TIM TEBOW to get in???

And Finally on Sunday the old man came home. Well in the first half the Viqueens came out and played like they had a chance to win. But after halftime and all the adjustment Brad Childress made the Viqueens find themselves behind. And even the unretireable Brett Favre couldn’t bring them back. Does anyone else besides us think that this is what the Viqueens were counting on when they went to Mississippi to get their legend quarterback to come back for one more season? We don’t think so. We think that they thought that the old man would lead them to the promise land. The land of milk and honey has turned into Vicodin and alcohol. The days of describing Brett’s long passes down field for scores now mean that he texted some former female coworker a naked picture of himself. Is this the way he wants to be remembered? Well it is the way we will remember him…
Final Score the Viqueens 24 the Packers 28. Does any else think the packers name is funny?

And finally the game everyone wanted to see. The home of Superbowl 45 we never did learn Roman numerals in school, we just assumed it was some kind of metric number and decided we didn’t need to learn that. Not a good Idea when we were 11 huh? Ellie was overheard in the Locker room after the game “Hey Mom is dad there? I really need to talk to him, we won the game and I want to talk to him about it.” Then from the other end of the phone he heard “well he was here but I think he went out around 7, He something about going somewhere and watching something, now what was that?” Ellie excitedly asked “Was it a Sports Bar to watch my game?” “Oh no… I don’t think so he was going to see Peyton, and Justin I think he said, to watch some old commercials and maybe [play some ping pong) Do you have a message for him I might see him in a little while when he gets back?” “Mom is Dad avoiding me? He never seems to be around when I call?” “Well your dad is a busy man son, he has lots of things going on, you know real high level secret stuff. He is a secret agent you know. “Ellie hung up and tried to keep a stiff upper lip but everyone could see the disappointment in his eyes.
Final Score the G-Aints 41 the Cowgirls 35. Looks like no Superbowl again for the Cowgirls.

Well that should just about do it for this week. We hope that you appreciate the effort this week; it has been a long one. But we will be back next week with more…
Remember like we always say…

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
And cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war,
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl, Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2010 Week 6

2010-10-20T05:34:00.000-07:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2010
Week 6

Here we go again, in this never a dull moment season we call the NFL. Before we get started we need to let you know who didn’t play: Well Buffalo is hiding in Toronto this week looking for apartments, while Cincinnati is trying to figure out why they can’t score enough to win a game, Arizona is trying to find themselves on a retreat in the desert, and Carolina is just trying to find someone to help them get a win this season. Now without any further waiting we give you this week’s entry. Expo do that thing you do…
First up like always we will start on the bottom and this week the Buccan game is on the bottom. The Saints came marching into Tampa Bay with winning on their mind. Before the game Buc Quarterback Josh Freeman was heard saying “Hey if we win this game we could be in First place.” Well let’s take a look at what Ole Joshie did to get his team to first place. Well he was 25 for 43 for 218 yards. oh that is not too bad … The S-aints took a page out of the Illinois Political voting scene as they scored early and often. Drew Brees threw for 3 touchdowns when actually 1 was enough to beat the Buc’s. Apparently the Buc’s were point challenged has they could only muster 6 points today.
Final Score the S-aints 31 the Buc’s 6. The Buc’s were not vaginally challenged as they are the Birth canal team of the week.

Up next we head to the town were the Quarterback knows about the Vejay-jay, and that would be Pittsburg and Big Ben Roethlisberger. With his suspension over Big Ben came back to his team and in a meeting early in the week told his team he was sorry for putting them in the position he had and he would try to do better next time. Linebacker James Harrison was heard saying “Hell, we went 3 and 1 while you were gone, but at least my twin sister is safe now because I know where you are.” Troy Polamalu retorted to Harrison “Man your twin sister has been safe all along. She is pretty ugly if she looks like you. I don’t think Big Ben would go after her.” Big Ben had a nice day and the Brown Stains Quarterback Colt McCoy didn’t look too bad. He went 23 of 33 for 281 yards. Do the Brown Stains have something to build on?
Final Score the Brown Stains 10 the Steelers 28. We doubt they have anything to build until the Mangenius is gone.

Up next we head to Missouri where the air is clean and fresh because all the factory jobs are gone. The Ewes are going to make us change their name if they keep playing like this. Slingin Sammy Bradford had another good week as he tossed the old pigskin around to 9 different receivers, but he took 3 more sacks, and that is not good. He needs to get out of the way a little more often or he is going to get hurt. Speaking of getting hurt Charger Head coach Norv Turner is taking but kicking like a man. And we hear all “this don’t worry the Chargers always start slow”. Well we aren’t sure how slow they want to start, but only 6 teams have a worse record than the Chargers.
Final score the Chargers 17 the Ewes 20, do we dare say the Rams.

Next we head to the city of Brotherly shove. After the first game of the season we were told that Kevin Kolb would be the starting quarterback after he comes back from injury. Then when “Dog Killer” Michael Vick pulled up lame, Head coach told everyone that no matter Kevin Kolb does in these couple of games Michael Vick is the starter when he returns. So let us show you how bad Kolb played this week 23 of 29 for 326 yards and 3 touchdowns. He tossed the ball to 7 different teammates. We have always subscribed to the thought that if you have two quarterbacks that can start in the league then you probably don’t have one because they are going to fight to be number one and the fans are going to fight for one, and it tears a team apart. When we think like Andy Reid we know one thing for sure…
Final Score the Falldowns 17 the Beagles 31. When we think like Andy Reid we are hungry… That guy looks hungry all the time….

Up next we talk about Da Bears… Is there anything worse than watching a car roll end over end down the road? It is like watching Jay Cutler get sacked, knocked down, and hit every time he drops back to pass. This is crazy, how many times has he been sacked this season like 50? We know a few people who are getting scratched off his Christmas card list. All of those Jack Wagons in front of him when the ball is snapped. Hell these guys can’t block out the Sun at noon, 1pm or even 3 o’clock. Who lets the SheHawks come to town and beat you??? No put your hand down… we know. Da Bears.
Final Score the SheHawks 23 Da Bears 20. Cutler is from Vanderbilt University we thought those guys were supposed to be smart. Maybe he played at Gloria Vanderbilt University.

Now we head to Mister Rogers Neighborhood. Oh no this looks more like a Government housing project than a neighborhood. There are people just wondering around with pistols in the waist bands looking for someone to rob. There are winos on the street and apparently King Friday XIII has pimped out Princess Margeret H Lizard and Queen Sara Saturday. Miami Quarterback Chad Henne was heard asking “Is this Wisconsin? Damn… It looks like Detroit.” Ricky Williams spoke up “It looks like a good place to get a bag of weed and I would know” Coach Mike McCarthy was seen in the corner of the end zone asking if anyone needed a watch?
Final Score the Dolphins 23 the Packers20… It turned out to be a good place for Miami to get a win.

In this week’s installment of “Why doesn’t my daddy like me as much as my big brother?” Ellie Manning invited the Lions to town, after the game he was overheard on his Cell phone “Hey Mom. Is dad around? I wanted to tell him about my game today.” “Well son” the voice on the other end said “Your dad has been real busy around here, there were some leaves to rake, and the shrubs needed tending to.” Ellie face turned to disappointment again then he asked “Has he seen any of my games this year?” “Well dear.” The voice said “your dad watched that game you had on Sunday night a couple of weeks ago. I know he watched that one because he had his favorite Jersey on. You know the one it’s Blue with the #18 on it? It even says Manning on the back… I think that he had it personalized.” “No.” a dejected Ellie said into the phone. “It is Peyton’s.” With tears welling up in his eyes, he hung up the phone and opened a box of Oreo Cakester and didn’t stop till he finished the entire box.
Final Score the Lions 20 the N Y F G 28. Hey yard work is important too… don’t eat the whole box Ellie…

In a game that was dubbed the duel in the sewer the Chiefs came to Houston looking to get back to the winning ways like they had when they won 3 in a row and were undefeated… In a Quarterback Skill competition Matt Cassel went against Matt Schaub and the balls were flying around like a kickball tournament during recess. Cassel was 20 for 29 for 201 yards and 3 touchdowns. Schaub on the other hand (not with the other hand) was on fire going 25 for 33 for 305 yards and 2 touchdowns. It looked like what this game came down to something else? Well maybe not. Well we guess we can say that this game like many others came down to scoring, and we are reminded the expert commentary in which the analyst said; “Well if the losing team had scored more points this game might have ended differently”
Final Score the Chiefs 31 the Texans 35. Well it just goes to show that if Houston scores more than the other team they win usually….

Up next we find a slug fest in New England. And everyone was ready. The Ravens brought their A game, but 9 punts are not going to win you a cutie doll at the fair. But it will make your kickers leg tired. Tom Terrific did lots of things right this weekend, but getting a haircut was not one of them. That guys needs a haircut and soon or he will need a bigger helmet to put that fat head of his in. We just hope someone pulls him down by that hair. And Terrell Suggs might just be the one to do it. He told Tom Brady that he didn’t want to face the Ravens again. Brady to his credit could add and told him “Look at the scoreboard big boy, maybe you don’t want to play us again?” Suggs checked the score and realized he had just been beaten by the Patriots.
Final Score the Ravens 20 the Pats 23 in Overtime. When Brady was asked about Suggs Brady replied “If he doesn’t want my peaches, tell him not to shake my tree.”

What does Zach Miller, Darrius Heyward-Bay, and Michael Bush all have in common? They all have the pleasure of catching a pass from Jason Campbell. And what do Takeo Spikes and Manny Lawson have in common? They also caught a pass from Jason Campbell but they play for the 49ers. Without the Polish Punisher to knock a couple of field goals the Raiders would have drown out there in the bay. This game should have been considered the Bay of Pigs. The 49ers are finally one game closer to the division championship they hoped for when the season started. Now can they win another game? How many more teams will try the Jason Campbell experiment? Right now he is the poster child for the stupidity of the combine or work out guy… If this guy can throw the ball 70 yards in the air, that is great. But can he make the 10 yard out throw. He can’t do that and that is problem.
Final Score the Raiders 9 the 49ers 17. That and the fact that he sucks, are there any other reasons out there? Oh yea he is from LSU? But that one might not count.

Apparently what has been missing from the Denver Bronco’s offense has been a little TIM TEBOW. For weeks now we have been building to the day when TIM TEBOW actually got on the field during the game. Well Sunday it finally happened. TIM TEBOW got on the field and scored like Ben Roethlisberger whether the girl wanted him to or not. But the funny thing is that the TIM TEBOW score inspired the Bronco’s so much that they still lost. But let us savor the moment of TIM TEBOW actually getting into the game and rushing for a touchdown. Looking at his stats it is necessary to say that TIM TEBOW didn’t have enough carries to win the game. He had 6 carries for 23 yards with a long of 6 but more importantly he had a TOUCHDOWN.
Final Score the J E T S 24 the Broncos 14 TIM TEBOW 6. Hey only 2477 more yards to go, to get to 2500…

And now we should talk about the last game of the day. This was the most anticipated game of the day and quite possibly had the most on the line. Let’s look at the stats to see where things got going; we will spin the wheel of stupidity and see where it lands. Return yardage is what the wheel stopped on this time the Viqueens had 158 yards and a touchdown. Huh they only had 188 yards on offense that accounted for 2 touchdowns and a field goal. Not bad for a half but a whole game? The Cowgirls looked like a team that is not very good, thank goodness they lived up to it. When we spin the wheel of stupidity we see it lands on Penalty. Is there another team in this league, college, or high school that makes this many stupid penalties? We honestly do not understand why people get so excited by scoring a touchdown. Well you just executed a pass play that scored a touchdown and all hell breaks loose it is like you just won the superbowl, or the lottery. Maybe the Cowgirls get so excited because they thought that they might win a game. But turnover Tony Romo made sure that would happen. What do Buffalo and Carolina have in common?
Final Score the Cowgirls 21 the Viqueens 24. Both of those are looking up at Dallas in the win column. The view must be terrible. And we don’t mean the TV show…
And now for the last game of the day. The Indianapolis Colts came to Washington DC and took the tour of the Lincoln memorial, then went by the Washington monument. After that they went to the Stadium and kicked a little Deadskin butt… After the game Peyton was heard on his Cell phone saying” Yea Dad we kicked their butts. Yep I had over 300 yards and a couple of touchdowns. Hey did you get those leaves racked up like you were talking about? Yea Great how about those Shrubs? Fantastic. Hey did you hear about Eli’s game?” to which the voice over the phone said “No I didn’t.” Peyton explained “Well I have not had a chance to look it up on the internet. Justin Timberlake and I are going out to play Ping-Pong. “ Donovan McNabb looks like he did last year, like he needs a hug, but Mike Shanahan doesn’t look like a coach ready to take on that challenge.
Final score the Colts 27 the Deadskins 24. Does Archie know he has 2 sons?

And For the last game of the week we find the Tennessee Titans going south for a tough AFC South Battle with Jacksonville. After the first quarter both starting Quarterbacks were out and the game slowed down to a drinking game everyone should try this. The Rules are easy you have to drink when the third person in the booth (Jon Gruden) says he likes someone or something or repeats the same thing in the previous sentence, and for good measure drink a double whenever he mentions “Jaws” or himself. Hey Expo would you search the internet for a circus missing a clown because we found one on the Monday night football crew. And we need to get him off the Television. We couldn’t finish the game because we ran out of booze.
Final Score the Titans 30 the Jag’s 3. Thanks goodness Josh Scobee is on our fantasy team because this game stunk it up otherwise…

Well that will do it for us again this week. Is everyone starting to pencil in their playoff teams? We are a third of the way through the season. Don’t forget to check out the song below… until next week…
Remember like we always say…

Well you should see Polythene Pam
She's so good-looking but she looks like a man
Well you should see her in drag dressed in her polythene bag
Yes you should see Polythene Pam
Yeah yeah yeah

Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt
She's killer-diller when she's Jacked to the Hilt
She's the kind of a girl that makes the "News of the World
Yes you could say she was attractively built
Yeah yeah yeah

She came in through the bathroom window
Protected by a silver spoon
But now she sucks her thumb and wanders
By the banks of her own lagoon
Didn't anybody tell her?Didn't anybody see?
Sunday's on the phone to Monday,
Tuesday's on the phone to me

She said she'd always been a dancer
She worked at 15 clubs a day
And though she thought I knew the answer
Well I knew but I could not say.

And so I quit the police department
And got myself a steady job
And though she tried her best to help me
She could steal but she could not rob.
Didn't anybody tell her?Didn't anybody see?
Sunday's on the phone to Monday,
Tuesday's on the phone to me
Oh yeah.

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2010 Week 5

2010-10-13T19:07:00.000-07:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard
Week 5 2010

Well good morning everyone. Wow what a week. And we now have another one in the books. First up let’s talk about who didn’t play, well at least the ones who weren’t supposed to play, the Dolphins, Bill Bella-cheat’s Patriots didn’t play either, the SheHawks were like a Brunette on Saturday night, (no action ), and big Ben Roethlisberger had one more high school homecoming queen to dance with this week. So with that out of the way... Expo are you ready? We are ready over here… then let’s do it!!!

Okay let’s start at the bottom and how fitting that the bottom is Carolina. Last week Da Bears had a terrible game. This week with Jay Cutler out of the game they turned to their trusty Boo Boo, trying to catch lightning in a bottle so let’s look at what Todd Collins did. 6 for 16 for 32 yards with 4 interceptions… OH MY GOD is this right??? He had a quarterback rating of 6.3??? Holy Crap. We have seen better effort by kindergarten kids trying to tie their own shoes before recess. And what do we say about the Panthers? Jimmy “The Pickle” Clausen was so good that Head coach John Fox put Matt Moore back in the game. He went 9 for 22 for 61 yards with an interception. Talk about a hideous game to watch, this has to win something??? How about the crappy game on Fox…
Final Score Da Bears 23 the Panthers 6. Well nobody was watching anyway…

Up Next we head to the great state of Michigan. Oh wait Michigan isn’t that great is it? Well Sam Bradford thought the best way to hide from the Lions defense was to make out like this was Halloween. So he dressed up like little Bo Peep. He had all his Ewes standing around then they let the Lions in the Stadium and the mauling ensued. While on the offense the only thing that Ewes could do was watch as Bo Peep and Danny Amendola played catch. With 12 Catches it appears that Danny is Bo Peep’s favorite target. Julius Peterson favorite target was Bo Peep. Peterson called to all his other defensive buddy’s “Hey you got to come feel this little soft patch of fur. It is right here under Bo Peep’s skirt.”
Final Score the Ewes 6 the Lions 44. Like Lambs being lead to slaughter. Oh and the Ewes are the Birth Canal team of the week.

Up next the reality check for the Chiefs came at the hands of the Indianapolis Colts. In a field Goal kicking contest both quarterbacks just sat on the sidelines. With Adam Venatieri beating Ryan Succop 4 to 3 until big stupid Mike Hart had to run in a touchdown. That clinched the game for the Colts. Okay we know. Now raise your hand if you really thought that the Kansas City Chiefs were going to win? We didn’t think there was anybody out there. After the game Peyton Manning was overheard saying “Hey why can’t I get on those Oreo Cakester Commercials with my brother?” to which head coach Jim Caldwell replied “Well if you would quit playing ping pong and taking tours of Sony with Justin Timberlake, you might.”
Final Score the Chiefs 9 the Colts 19. The Chiefs are the worst 3 and 1 team in the league.

Houston you have a problem. And it all starts and ends with Matt Schaub. Houston thought it was poised to take the next step as a franchise. However it looks like their next step is right back to .500 again. Maybe that is where they belong. The G-aints quarterback Ellie Manning had another stellar day racking up 3 more touchdowns and 2 more interceptions…. And let us look… nope no passes left handed today so we guess that is good. In the locker room after the game Ellie was heard on his Cell phone “Okay that hooded Menace is not Matt Schaub, so tell Shaq there is no reason to come to Houston.” Later he called his mom and was overheard telling her. “But Mom we won the game in Houston when we played here so that means that I am better right?” then his expression changed from a smile to a frown has the sound from cell phone came… “No son, I like you, but your Dad still thinks your brother is better than you. But your dad likes Justin Timberlake better than you too… “Too many left handed passes we guess.
Final Score the G-aints 34 the Texans 10. Why does that Oreo Cakester thing wear a headband? Does it really sweat that much?

Well here we are in Cleveland. Sorry but if the Falldowns had to come here then so do we. Whatever the question is we know the Eric Mangenius is not the answer. He has not had an answer since he was like in the second grade and the teacher asked him “What color is the grass?” Little Eric Confidently raised his hand and when called on he answered “Red.” The Teacher asked “Why do you think it is red? “ And he answered “Well our Quarterbacks keep getting hurt, we look like a MASH unit out there.” Oh wait maybe it wasn’t his second grade teacher; it was his press conference after the game. Anyway he still is not the answer.
Final Score the Falldowns 20 the Brown Stains 10. Sometimes we feel like we are in a Coors Light Commercial…

Up next we will talk about the Buccan game. Who would have thought that with 2 minutes left in the game and the Bunguls up 7 points that the Lead was safe? Well let’s back up a minute or so. With 3 minutes to go the Bunguls have the ball and are coming on the 2 minute warning. They decide to pass the ball. Hey we agree there are only 3 things that can happen right? 1. The ball falls harmlessly to the ground for an incompletion that stops the clock and you punt the ball forcing the Buc’s to drive the length of the field to get 10 points in the last 2 minutes of the game. 2. There is an interference penalty on the defense at which point the Bunguls get a first down and run the clock out (Cedric Benson had rushed for 144 yards on the day). 3. The ball gets thrown and is intercepted and it sets up the Buc’s at the 50 yard line. 52 seconds run off the clock and the game is tied. Nice play calling Coach Marvin Lewis. Well we see that you don’t learn from your mistakes because with 1:21 left in the game you are throwing the ball again and we only know of 3 things that can happen…
Final Score the Bunguls 21 the Buc’s 24. Really?!? Really?!? Do we have to go over this again???

Up next we find that the TIM TEBOW lead Denver Bronco’s headed to Baltimore home of the Ravens. Before the game a couple of the Raven Linebackers were talking about TIM TEBOW, when Ray Lewis walked up. He asked the question”What number is TIM TEBOW? I have been looking him for on the film and can’t find him.” “Hey Ray what are you going to do to him if you find him?” Lewis was asked. He replied “I am going to squeeze him till I get some Red Bull. You know TIM TEBOW sweat is the Active ingredient in Red Bull.” We think he will have to chase TIM TEBOW around to get him to sweat because he is not getting on the field at all…
Final Score the Bronco’s 17 the Ravens 31 TIM TEBOW 0. Hopefully the Bronco’s will be bad enough for TEBOW to get in a game soon.

In a rare Momentary Lapse of Reason the Buffalo Sabers played on Saturday and found that the N.Y.H.R (NEW YORK HOCKEY RANGERS) were a tough team… What? Well we thought that the Bills were riding the Maid of the Mist boat tour, well maybe not. We do know that Buffalo maybe the best winless team in the NFL. But that is like being voted the boy with the “Sweetest smile” in an all boy high school. And that is just creepy. No big Ben we don’t need your comment here
Final Score the Jags 36 the Bills 26. Is there anything else to say about this one??? We didn’t think so.

This week Mister Rogers Neighborhood went on the road to Washington. They are still looking for a neighbor, won’t you be one? We will not, we don’t like the sweaters or those crazy shoes? Okay so Donavan McNabb always needed a hug in Philadelphia. We guess he is getting one from Mike Shanahan because Donavan is playing like he did several years ago. His Offensive prowess allowed the Deadskins to punt 5 times on their first 5 possessions before kicking a FG just before Half. Then to start the second half his drives ended in 2 punts and his last drive of the third quarter ended in a turnover on downs. Wow that is 7 punts did you counts them like we did 7 punts ha ha ha… Opps sorry we just channeled the count there from Sesame Street and we were talking about the Mister Rogers Neighborhood. Then in the fourth quarter he had 3 drives that totaled 155 yards of the 373 yards for the day.
Final Score the Packers 13 the Deadskins 16. Maybe Graham Gano should get a hug he did win the game for them in overtime.

And now for a report on the Greatest Running back in the history of the NFL Reggie Bush. He didn’t play because he has a broken leg. And the Aints lost again. They really don’t look like the same as they did last year? Did Sean Peyton forget how to coach? Did Drew Brees forget how to throw the ball? Are they really two touchdowns worse than the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals Really? We don’t think so. So this must be Reggie Bush’s fault. It can be no one else’s can it? We don’t think so. So without Reggie Bush the Aints Came out strong and finished up weak. We did love the way Beanie Wells played for the Cardinal. 20 carries for 35 yards, what were you using a cane??? If that doesn’t spell S U C K we don’t know how to spell it.
Final Score the Aints 20 the Cardinals 30. Hang on let us spell check that word, just to make sure…

And now let us take a look at Norv Turner and his band of misfits, nerds, and retards. Good God is anyone coaching the Special Teams for the Chargers? Well Steve Crosby is listed as the coach but we think that this guy must be blind, deaf and dumb. Getting a punt blocked for a touchdown is a terrible thing. Getting two punts blocked in the first quarter is like getting bitten by a snake on your man parts twice. We t that the Chargers are snake Bit Phillip “Old Man” Rivers is trying his best but his best just isn’t good enough when he has to fight his own special teams. However two fumbles from his hands didn’t do much help his cause. As for Oakland’s Tom Cable, he should be thanking his lucky stars that his team was the benefactor of 16 points from the Chargers. It looks like the Jason Campbell experiment is back up and active, even though Bruce Gradkowski got hurt Campbell might have played well enough to win the job. We were told that the Raiders had beaten the Chargers for the first time in thirteen attempts. Too bad it took two blocked punts, and three fumbles.
Final Score The Chargers 27 the Raiders 35. Another week of this and Chris Burke from “Life goes on” will be the Special teams coach for the Chargers. Go Corky!!!

And lastly we get to the Cowgirl game. From what we have seen this team is not very good. They have some people who have talent, but in this case the sum of the parts is less than the individual pieces. Cowgirl Quarterback Tony Romo had the perfect quote “Good teams overcome these kinds of mistakes.” Nice Sound bite, however good teams don’t make these kinds of mistakes, you Jackass… Not to nice to have a team gain a hundred yards you, even worse to give up over a hundred yards in penalties. There were more flags on the field in that stadium than what there would have been if a dozen belly dancers doing the dance of the seven veils at halftime. Watching this game was like grading a calculus test completed by first graders. You want to give them something for the effort, but you want to kick them for trying to do something they can’t do, and right now the Cowgirls can’t win a game to save their coaches life. Hey Wade start looking for a life boat because your Titanic is going down fast. You are Tarnishing the good name of O.A “Bum” Phillips.Final Score the Titans 34 the Cowgirls 27. Oh wait hey Wade maybe you should have been named “Bum” your team is sure playing like one, or a wino we really can’t tell.
And lastly on Sunday night the Beagles traveled across the country and found a very hospitable team in the 49ers. On the sidelines before the game Beagles Quarterback Kevin Kolb was talking to 49er quarterback Alex Smith. “Hey man it must be nice for you here in San Francisco. You don’t have to worry about being replaced.” “Well” Alex replied “It is not all peaches and cream over here in the land of fruits and nuts. Now I have David Carr backing me up, which is lot like having a militia army made of fourth graders carrying pea shooters. I could get pulled, but I am going to be going back in soon because I am better than him.” “Wow you have the life.” said Kolb “I on the other hand have to watch my step and make sure that my backup doesn’t drown me in the shower after the game.” Well we can tell you that San Francisco might be the only winless team in the NFC Wes that has a chance to win its division, which isn’t saying much. Alex Smith should be looking over his shoulder or David Carr might just drive over him.
Final Score the Beagles 27 the 49ers 24. How much longer is Kevin Kolb going to have his job?

And for the Final game of the week the Viqueens went to NEW JERSEY to play the J E T S in a driving rain storm. They had everything they needed, Adrian Peterson who rushed for 88 yards on 18 carries, Randy Moss who had 4 catches for 81 yards and a touchdown. And they had the Unretireable Brett Favre. Brett has played so long in the league he has all the records, like the most touchdown passes, the most completion yards, the most interceptions thrown, the most fumbles, the most times retired and the most time unretired. He also holds a couple more unofficial records, like most games ending with an interception, and most times sexting himself to former J E T Employees. Hey even Mark Sanchez admired that record.
Final Score the Viqueens 20 the J E T S 29. Okay so what is gray shriveled up, and on your phone? A naked picture of Brett Favre’s… Well you know.

Well that should just about do it for this week. We hope you have enjoyed this week as much as we have. Time is flying by this season so keep on reading and we will keep on typing. We would like to dedicate this issue to that person out who makes us laugh. We think you know who you are…
And remember like we always say…..

Who's gonna tell you when
It's too late
Who's gonna tell you things
Aren't so great
You can't go on
Thinking nothing's wrong, but bye
Who's gonna drive you home tonight

Who's gonna pick you up
When you fall
Who's gonna hang it up
When you call
Who's gonna pay attention
To your dreams
Who's gonna plug their ears
When you scream
You can't go on
Thinking nothing's wrong
Who's gonna drive you home tonight

Who's gonna hold you down
When you shake
Who's gonna come around
When you break
You can't go on
Thinking nothing's wrong

Who's gonna drive you home tonight
Oh you know you can't go on
Thinking nothing's wrong
Who's gonna drive you home tonight

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 4 2010

2010-10-08T15:46:00.000-07:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2010
Week 4

Well here we are again the end of another week. Before we get started we have a few things to tidy up first. Let’s talk about what teams didn’t play, the Cowgirls, the Viqueens, the Chiefs, and no Buccan game this week. Now what that did leave us is a few games to discuss, so let’s get to it!!!! Expo Kick it.

First up we will start at the bottom in the only game in the state of Missouri, the SheHawks came a calling and they had no answer for Slingin Sammy Bradford. The Ewes have had a remarkable turn of fortune and have won 2 games in a row for the first since the economy was good, you know way back in 2008. After the game SheHawk Head Coach Pete Carroll was asked how he thought his team was playing “Well we win one then lose one then win one, then lose one. I guess we will win our bye week, and that is good. Hey when do we play Arizona St, they are always good for a win?”
Final Score the SheHawks 3 the Ewes 20. Would someone tell Coach Carroll that he is in the NFL again…
Now we get to the absolute black hole of the Bottom, New Jersey. Don’t you just hate when you are expecting one thing and you get another, like when someone runs the ole 23 skidoo on you? Before the game Ellie was heard yelling at Da Bears, “We are going to beat you like you some little brother, that everyone thinks is going to be good, but really is just a shell of their big brother, and his famous dad.” Way to go, that will really get them scared of you… But it took a G-aint defensive game to put Da bears back in their place, as they sacked quarterback Jay Cutler 9 times and gave him a concussion. At half time a sobbing Jay Cutler was heard saying “Look they are treating me like Cindy Bear out there.” Then he said “They have sacked me so many times I just can’t take it anymore. I have a complaint. Why can’t we just be birth canal team of the team this week?”
Final Score Da Bears 3 the G-Aints 17. There there Jay you are Birth Canal team of the week, now pull your skirt up…

Next up a game with teams going in 2 different Directions… The Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals have done everything they can do to get past the loss of Kurt Warner. However Handpicked Matt Leinart is in Houston of all places and now cast of from the Cleveland Brown Stains Derek Anderson is running the show. It is not the greatest Show on Earth. Come people these are the Cardinals we are talking about it. Norv Turner fixed his kickoff team thank God; he had enough time to practice it this week. One more thing. Kicking a field goal to get your team to a 31 point deficit is like a death row inmate asking for a doggie bag after his last meal.
Final Score the Cardinals 10 the Chargers 41. Not much else to say about this one…

Up next we will head to Atlanta and a little know fact in the NFL. Teams really need to score in every quarter. And if they don’t they may just get beat. Such was the case this weekend as the 49ers travel across country. They roared out to a 14 to 0 lead in the first quarter then watched as the Falldowns methodically rolled up and down the field to the victory. What do you call Punt, Punt, Interception, Interception, Punt, Punt, and Punt?
Final Score the 49ers 14 the Falldowns 16. That is what we call a poor 3 quarters of football…

Now we head to Buffalo and find that the Saber’s were playing the Flyers. Buffalo had a great game as they scored 9 goals. What? Yes Buffalo is the game we are talking about. What do you mean they played the Jets? I show here that they played Flyers, yea and they even scored 9 points and held the Flyers to 3. Well, no, the Flyers don’t play football, but isn’t hockey considered hockey in Canada? It’s not??? But this Buffalo Team won. The other game on Sunday??? Well J E T S played a good game…
Final Score the J E T S 38 the Bills/Sabers 14. Hey the Bills scored to get the game to only 21 points behind.

Up next we will head to the still hurricane ravaged City of New Orleans. How long do we have to hear about the Katrina hurricane that blew into New Orleans like the big bad wolf, when it blew everyone’s house down? At the stadium before the game there was one person carrying a picket sign. A reporter asked him why he was picketing the World Champion New Orleans Saints. He replied “Saints Owner Tom Benson Hates White people…” When the Reporter queried has to why he had this opinion. He replied “well maybe he just hates me because he hired some old Guy to kick field goals this week.” Well John Carney rolled his wheel chair out on to the field and kicked a 25 yard field goal to win the Game…
Final Score the Panthers 14 the Saints 16. Poor Garret Hartley… He has not gotten his FEMA check yet…

Now we will look to find Big Ben Roethlisberger celebrating his final game suspension by judging the Cheerleader competition for the Pittsburgh High School Area. While he got several phone numbers the rest of Pittsburgh was watching the Delaware destroyer Joe Flacco. He was taking the Ravens down the field in the fourth quarter for the game winning touchdown… Flacco was overheard saying at the end of the game “Hey since Big Ben is trying to get the autographs from those kids on Glee we could win this game”
Final Score the Ravens 17 Steelers 14. When will that show be over? All those kids singing and no one gets to vote them off the show…
Next TIM TEBOW went to Tennessee to play a game with all his Denver Bronco Teammates. During the game Bronco backup guard Eric Olsen was heard telling backup tackle Chris Clark “Man did you see TIM TEBOW eating a Chick-Fil-A on Sunday of all days.” Clark Replied “I sure did, and I heard that people with amnesia still remember TIM TEBOW.” During the Laughter TIM TEBOW came to the guys and said”Look TIM TEBOW can dribble a football and I will dunk on your Pumpkin head if you guys don’t shut up.” So let’s look at TIM TEBOW stats this week…. Well he didn’t get in the game, we guess that is why the Bronco’s won.
Final Score the Bronco’s 26 the Titans 20 TIM TEBOW 0. Nothing from nothing leaves nothing right?

Well Well Well the Cleveland Brown Stains have found the formula for winning. First you trade away and release your franchise quarterbacks, hire Mike Holmgren as a general Manager and then leave Eric Mangenius as the head coach to take the fall when the season is over. They finally won a game this week has they had all the vim and vigor a group of men fighting for something. And that something was Ohio. This my friends is the battle of Ohio. A rich and fertile piece of land nestled just west of Pennsylvania and West Virginia, South of Michigan, North of Kentucky, and East of Indiana. But is this Ground really worth Fighting for. We mean it has Akron and Dayton. But Canton is kind of cool…
Final Score the Bunguls 20 the Brown Stains 23. Even with T.O. getting over 200 yards couldn’t get a win for the Bunguls.

Welcome to this week’s edition of the Mister Rogers Neighborhood. The Packers are lucky to get out alive. What the hell was that??? These are the Lions you are playing winner of exactly 2 games in the last 2 years plus. How the hell does a team that thinks it is going to be a playoff team have a half like this???? Interception, Punt, Interception, and end of half is not a way to have a half. Unless you are like the Raiders. Well you did score 21points in the first half and that makes Mr. McFeely happy. And if Mr. McFeely is happy then we are happy we guess…
Final Score the Lions 26 the Packers 28. So let us get this straight… Someone named Mr. McFeely is not the quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers right?

Now we will head to Jacksonville to find the Jags inviting the Colts to town. Indy showed up and thought that they had an easy game, but this was anything but easy. Peyton Manning was heard telling Head Coach Jim Caldwell with 46 seconds left in the game: “Well coach I think that just about does it. Get me the ball first in Overtime and we should win.” Then 46 later the Jags ran Josh Scobee out on the field. After kicking the game winning Field Goal from 59 yards out the kicker was heard saying “Hey you aren’t playing Garrett Hartley here in Jacksonville. You are facing Josh Scobee and I am kicking your ass 59 yards to win the game Ha!!!”
Final Score the Colts 28 the Jags 31. That is pretty bold talk for Kicker… We are just saying…

Up Next we will head to Oakland and find the Raiders. Oakland invited the Texans for a rough and tumble game. Matt Schaub was heard asking head coach Gary Kubiak “Hey how long have the Raiders had that emblem on the side of their helmets?” to which Kubiak relied “I guess forever, or 1950 when they started playing why?” Schaub shook while saying; “I thought that was Al Davis when he was a kid. But in 1060 Davis would have been what about 60? When he was a kid there were real pirates we guess.” Back to the game, Hey where are all those Raider Lovers? Yea the ones that thought the Raiders were going to contend? Well if you figure you need to get to at the very least 9 wins to make the playoffs, then the Raiders only have to win 8 of the next 12. We will be watching that for them.
Final Score the Texans 31 the Raiders 24. We wonder who poked that Raiders Emblem in the eye that caused them to have to have an eye patch?

And now for the game that everyone in Football was waiting on. Donavan McNabb got to go back to Philadelphia for the first time. It was quite a day for little Donnie-do as he was 8 of 19 for 125 yards. Is that all? High School quarterbacks have better days than that and they might score at the dance after the game (check with Ben Roethlisberger on that one) but he did have a touchdown and ran for 39 yards with his feet. Isn’t that weird? When the experts say that he used his legs or used his feet to make a play, does that mean he crawled around on nubs going to and from the huddle? Doesn’t he use his legs and feet all the time? But we digress. The Dog Killer got hit so hard that his ribs got hurt and he couldn’t come back to the game. Isn’t funny that Last March the Beagles had the riches of 3 quarterbacks and now it doesn’t look like they have one.
Final Score the Deadskins 17 the Beagles 12. We think we all could have waited for that.

And Lastly on Monday Night, we found out several things. 1. The Dolphins are hurting without Tuna Cakes. 2. The Patriots are maybe the second best team in the AFC East. 3 And Bill Bella-cheat thinks that the Randy Moss experiment is over. After three years + and a 40 and 12 record the Patriots thought that they could do better without him. After all the experts said on Draft day that you can mark the Patriots up for the next 4 super bowls at least and that didn’t happen the greatest coach in the NFL has to trade the Great Randy Moss. And what did he get for the greatest wide receiver in the game? A 3rd round draft pick. Coach Sparano called Norv Turner to find out what to do on the Special Teams.
Final Score the Patriots 41 the Dolphins 14. Hey Guys Just because they are special doesn’t mean that they have to be retarded…
Well that is it again for this week. We have been hearing about the how bad the games have been. And Parity is not a great thing but any day with football is a great day. Thanks again your all your support.
And remember like we always say….

Two gunslingers walked out in the street and one said
"I don't wanna fight no more."
And the other gunslinger thought about it and said,
"Yeh, what are we fighting for?"

I'm takin' control of my life, I'm takin' control of my life
I'm takin' control of my life right now, oh yeah

Well the crowd that assembled for the gun fight
Were let down, everyone hissed and booed
And a stranger told his Mrs., "That's the last one of those gunfights
You're ever gonna drag me to."

I'm takin' control of my life, I'm takin' control of my life
I'm takin' control of my life right now, oh yeah

Well the two gunslingers went ridin' out of town and
Were never heard from no more
And there ain't been a gunfight for a long time
Maybe never, but nobody knows for sure

I'm takin' control of my life, I'm takin' control of my life
I'm takin' control of my life right now, oh yeah

Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard 2010 Week 3

2010-09-30T05:51:00.000-07:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2010
Week 3

Hello everybody and welcome to another installment of the Stroll. Lots of things happening this past weekend, and we are going to talk about them here. So if no one has any questions then we can get started. Expo, do your thing!!!
First of all we will start at the bottom, and this week the bottom brings us to Jacksonville, home of the Jaguars and not much else. They invited over the Philadelphia Beagles for a game. The Dog Killer Michael Vick was heard telling Head coach Andy Reid afterward, “I have worked harder to drown dogs than this game was.” His Stats bear that fact out as he threw for 291 yards on 17 completions. Jags Head Coach Jack Del Rio, was taking questions after the game when he was asked: “When you were putting your game together for the Beagles, What were you thinking?” “Well” Del Rio stated “We were hoping to meet them here at the game and you know talk to them, see what hobbies they have? Maybe what their favorite color is and what they like to do on a Sunday afternoon?” Hey coach we have a question, did you think that this was a match.com date or a football game? Because you laid down like you were getting money to lift your skirt and show everyone what you were made of.
Final Score the Beagles 28 the Jags 3. And you are the Birth Canal Team of the week in case you didn’t know.

Moving up the coast a little we will find Carolina. Nothing would be finer than a Carolina win, but this week it would be more difficult than finding a Soggy Claussen pickle. By the way Jimmy “the Pickle” Clausen found himself in one as he tried to bring his Panthers to the winning side of the jar this week. Hey Jimmy a little advise for you because we know you are new. If you don’t win the turnover battle you will not win usually. You had 3 and that is not good. You did spread the passes around 7 receivers catching a pass is good, but completing only 16 is not. And that leads us to this….
Final Score the Bunguls 20 the Panthers 7. Thank the Great Cucumber in the sky that Jonathan Stewart knew where the goal line was.

Okay we should all turn to the left and take 4 giants steps to the Northwest. We will head to Kansas City. The Chiefs are playing pretty well right now. We think that this is the first time they have won 3 in a row since the Clinton Administration. Well the 49ers of San Francisco are playing so bad they should fire someone around there. What? Jimmy Raye? Isn’t he the guy from Good Times? Yea you know. Dy-no-mite!!! He isn’t? Then who is he. Oh then can tell me who he is not?
Final Score the 49ers 10 the Chiefs 31. Oh… He is not the Offensive Coordinator of the 49ers anymore.
Up next we will head to the North and the East. In Foxburough MS we find a rough Battle between two original AFL foes. The Buffalo Bills visited the old Boston Patriots. Wow we sure do love those old AFL helmets logo’s that cool lone Buffalo on a white helmet and who could forget “Pat the Patriot” down and ready to snap the ball to whoever is going to play quarterback. Oh the memories, they do light the corners of our mind. But to get back to this game the Bills finally did something right, they released their starting quarterback. Who would have thought that Trent Edwards was holding them back, but he was. Ryan Fitzpatrick was channeling former Bill QB Jack Kemp, except the result was a little different.
Final Score the Bills 30 the Pats 38. Well this week’s result was the same, another Bill Loss. Hey Bills fans Hockey season has started so Viva la Saber’s…

Okay two big steps South and you will find yourself in New-Freaking-Jersey, home of the G-aints. The G-Aints aint playing too well lately, and by lately we mean since game 7 of last year. After starting with 6 wins the G-Aints are 3 and 11. That is not very comforting. And the prospects of getting better are not too good. This week Ellie tried a left handed pass that went about has well swapping the mashed potatoes for Dog poop on the Thanksgiving table. On the other side Vince Young didn’t get pulled this week but he only completed 10 of 16 passes. He didn’t have any turnovers and that makes it a good day for him.
Final Score the Titans 29 G-Aints 10 when the other team is having a good day the G-Aints are having a bad one.

Just a small hop South we find the Battle of Cleveland. The Brown Stains came to visit the Raven. The Raven as everyone knows by now moved to Baltimore from Cleveland, we aren’t sure but that might be out of the frying pan and into the fire. After the BrownSstains took the lead with a field goal in the first quarter the Delaware destroyer Joe Flacco threw a pass touchdown to Anquan Bouldin. Then for good measure he threw another touchdown to Bouldin in the second quarter. After Halftime Bouldin wanted to try his luck at throwing a pass which didn’t work out too well. He completed the pass but for minus 6 yards. Later in the huddle Flacco told him to go long. 27 yards was long enough to score another touchdown and put the game out of reach…
Final Score the Brown Stains 17 the Ravens 24. Quote the Flacco nevermore?

Okay now it’s time for the Buccan game. All the way down from Pittsburg the Steelers were worried about facing a team that has not lost this season. We think they were a little worried all the way up till game time. Then Head Coach Mike Tomlin told his team just before the game “Hey we are not the Pirates and they are not the Rays.” “So let’s go out there and kick some Buccan butt.” Once the Steelers realized that they were not the Pirates that Tampa was then the game was over.
Final Score the Steelers 38 the Bucs 13. AAARRGGG Mattie’s. Oh did we say that out loud?

Okay now everyone turn the left. Hey your other left. Okay now one giant step. Now one little step. Okay look around and find yourself right in the middle of Katrina ravaged New Orleans. 5 years after devastating Hurricane the people of New Orleans still waiting for someone to give them a hand. This week without Reggie Bush on the field (he is home with a broken leg, dusting the shelf his Heisman trophy used to sit on) the Saints played their little hearts out for him. However the hero of last week, Garrett Hartley, kicked the game tying Field Goal with just seconds to play to push the game into overtime. But with the game on the line to win, he pulled a Heather Mills and pulled the ball wide right. “Gosh, Dang It. I thought I could make that one” was what was heard after the miss. This allowed Matt Bryant to be the hero.
Final Score the Falldowns 27 the Saints 24. Meet Garret Hartley and his new book “From hero to FEMA Rep in 6 days”

Okay turn and face the North please. Okay now three Giant steps. Watch out for those lakes. Here in Minnesota we find that there might be some regret in going to get Brett Favre. We should check out the stats for the game. The Unretireable Brett Favre was 23 for 34 for 201 yards with a touchdown and 2 interceptions. That will get him a wonderful Quarterback rating of 68.4. Who the hell understands that Quarterback rating crap anyway? But we digress. The Quarterback on the other side was 29 of 43 for 237 yards with a touchdown and 2 interceptions. That gave him a Quarterback rating of 69.6. Hey Brett you should set your sights higher the Shaun freaking Hill of the Detroit Lions.
Final Score the Lions 10 the Viqueens 24. Well in a battle of winless teams someone has to win right?

All right now everybody turn around again and take a giant step to the South. Okay now a little one to the East. What? Yes son we are in Missouri, don’t touch anything you don’t want to catch anything. Here we are right here in St Louis. We are so glad that Donavan McNabb has decided to buy into the Mike Shanahan system. We can hardly contain ourselves to watch him spiral downward. For so long he was the face of a franchise that didn’t want him and won in spite of him. Just like another old and rundown quarterback who can’t seem to let go of the past. Will we have to watch as McNabb slowly crumbles into the shell of his former self? Okay well back to the game. Break up the Ewes, they won a game with Slinging Sammie Bradford throwing the old bean around we aren’t sure how many games the Ewes will win. What we are sure of is that he will not last a full season; if he does it will be amazing.
Final Score the Deadskins 16 the Ewes 30. This was a probably the crappy game on Fox…

Everybody please we need to move South and West, but more West that than South, if you know what we mean. Houston we have a problem, if you know what we mean. For the last several years the Texans have tried with all their might to get past themselves and win consistently we don’t think that they can do that with Matt Schaub at the helm if you know what we mean. So when you are 2 and 0 facing a team that is 0 and 2 and you are at home. You should win the game, you are better than that aren’t you? Well the best thing from the game was the referee who couldn’t remember what the call was and that Earl Campbell was in the stands and we got to see some highlights of him if you know what we mean. Touchdown Tony Romo finally got his act together and threw the ball with a little more accuracy, if you know what we mean, and a little less throwing it to the other team if you know what we mean.
Finals Score the Cowgirls 27 the Texans 13 and the game wasn’t that close if you know what we mean.

Okay now we will move to the north and to the west. Oh watch out for that mountain. If fact we can all climb that mountain if we want so we can see down into the Stadium. This is the Home of the greatest College football player in the history of the NCAA, TIM TEBOW. Peyton Manning was overheard saying to Jeff Saturday “Did you know that before the boogey man goes to bed he checks his closet for TIM TEBOW” then Saturday responded “Did you know that TIM TEBOW hits blackjack with just one card” Then Joseph Addai spoke up and said “DID you know that Superman’s Weakness is Kryptonite and TIM TEBOW laughs at superman for even having a weakness.” TIM TEBOW Stats this week 0 carries for 0 yards 0 passes attempted 0 passes completed for 0 yards. Crap it is like he didn’t even get in the game.
Final Score the Colts 27 the Bronco’s 13 TIM TEBOW 0. Did you know that TIM TEBOW has counted to infinity twice….

Alright everyone please turn and take one step south, the one step to the West again. Now we find ourselves in Ari-Freaking –Zona. Riddle us this Batmen “How does a one point game become boring and unwatchable? Try 6 field goals made and 3 missed. Oh yea add the Cardinals and the Raiders and this was the worst game on CBS not just because there were 47 points scored, not just because there were 4 turnovers, not just because there were 18 penalties, not just because there were 11 punts.
Final Score the Raiders 23 the Cardinals 24. But all of those things rolled up into one game, thank God this game happens only once every 4 years.

Final for the Sunday day Game we will head back up North three Giant Steps that direction please, now one tine step West and we will be in Seattle home of the SheHawks. Just so that everyone knows there are three phases to the game we call football, Offense, Defense, and Special Team. And baby they don’t call them special because they are retarded. But right now the San Diego Charges are playing like a bunch of retards on kickoff coverage. Good Lord you have just scored to tie the game and it looked like head coach Norv Turner put a scarecrow, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (only when they were about 3 years old) Lindsey Lohan, the tooth Fairy, the Easter bunny, the Governor of New York David Patterson, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Kicker Nate Kaeding, and Generalissimo Francisco Franco on the kickoff coverage. Well you don’t have to be Billy “White Shoes” Johnson or Gayle Sayers to score on those people. And Pete Carroll gets another win. The really sad part about that is the Pete is working with a smaller payroll than he did at U$C…
Final Score the Chargers 20 the SheHawks 27. Good God Kermit the frog and Miss Piggy would have been better on coverage than the one Turner put out there.

And Last but certainly not least on Sunday we find the NEW YORK FOOTBALL JETS the best football in New York. Well they really don’t play in New York, they play in New Jersey. But this week they migrated down the coast to Miami. Mark Sanchez J E T S Quarterback was overheard saying to Braylon Edwards “he man sorry you can’t start, but we will give it to them in the end” And that they did, because in the third quarter near the end of the game Edwards caught a touchdown pass from Sanchez as he crossed the goal line he had just one finger held high in the air as if to say “We’re number one”. But we aren’t all together sure that was what he was alluding to. Late in the fourth quarter, Edwards was heard telling Sanchez “Hey Mark when I caught the ball I noticed some kind a smell on the ball it got on my finger. I was going to wash it off in that swimming pool for that Dolphin that they used to have here, but I couldn’t find it, so I just gave my glove to some fat kid in the stands. Man I liked those gloves but the stink on them was terrible.”
Final Score the J E T S 31 the Dolphins 23. Looks like Mark was giving Braylon a Dirty Sanchez.

And finally we have Da Bears. They stand 3 and 0 after the first three games. This week Mister Rogers’ neighborhood tried to go on vacation to Jelly Stone Park. Unfortunately the Packers came up a little short. Near the end of the game just after Da Bears had tied the score Yogi (AKA Lance Briggs) knocked the ball out of James Jones’ hands for a fumble. Boo boo (AKA Tim Jennings) scooped it up for the recovery. Green Bay Head coach Mike McCarthy exclaimed to the Official on the field “Hey they just stole our Pic-a-nic Basket. What are you going to do about it?” The official replied “After further review the ruling on the field stands Da Bear never left the woods and therefore was not out of bounds.” That allowed the Bears Kick Robbie Gould to kick a field goal to win the game.
Final Score the Packers 17 Da Bears 20. Coach McCarthy thought Ranger Smith would be on his side. But he wasn’t…

Well that will do it for us this week. We hope that you have enjoyed this week as much as before. Actually we just hope you enjoy reading some of our thought. So until next time….
Remember like we always say…
You show us everything you've got
You keep on dancin' and the room gets hot
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You say you wanna go for a spin
The party's just begun, we'll let you in
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'

I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day

You keep on saying you'll be mine for a while
You're lookin' fancy and I like your style
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You show us everything you've got
Baby, baby that's quite a lot
And you drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'

I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day

I wanna rock and roll

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 2 2010

2010-09-23T10:06:00.000-07:00

Hello to everyone. And welcome to another addition of Stroll down the NFL Boulevard, quite possibly the only place in America to get commentary like this. We have lots to get to so let’s get it going. Expo can you turn it up!!!

Well let’s start at the bottom and the bottom this week appears to be covered by white hot pants a Blue halter top and white Cowgirl boots. What in the hell was that? Da Bears came to Dallas after getting a very shaky win over the Lions last week. Then looked like something that could hardly be considered a football on the first series. But all that changed mid way through the 1st quarter. The Cowgirls seem to play to their own weaknesses. When asked after the game why the team didn’t run the ball better? Wade Phillips exclaimed “We had our shoes on and we were trying but our foot to ground ratio wasn’t very good.” Yea right. Well we will tell you what was pretty good, and that was your ratio to the Birth Canal team of the week this week.
Final Score: Da Bears 27 the Cowgirls 20. We guess maybe Da Bears are this good…

Now we head to Tennessee to find the Steelers coming to town. What a game? Could this game been any better? We think it could have the only touchdown the Steelers scored was on a reverse on the opening kickoff. Nice? Sure. Consistent? Not hardly. If Pittsburg was holding on for the Jail Bait Lovin Ben Roethlisberger to get back in the lineup then they only have 2 more weeks. The Defense forced several things, 7 turnovers 5 punts, and lots of heartburn. Heartburn for Vince Young, heartburn for Jeff Fisher, heartburn for the entire organization, can they get a prevacid? Jeff Fisher took out Vice Young in favor of Kerry Collins but the result was the same. A loss against the Steelers.
Finals Score the Steelers 19 the Titans 11. You really have to work to get to 11 points…

Up next we head to Ohio to find the Bunguls inviting the Ravens to town. The Ravens were playing on a win after the Bunguls got kicked around last week; however the Delaware destroyer Joe Flacco found the orange and black 4 times for interceptions and with Ted Nugent favorite song if you can’t lick em… Lick em… blaring through the speaker his brother Mike Nugent kicked 5 field goals to win. Not sure how else we can sum this game up except to say that you can’t win with 4 interceptions.
Final Score the Ravens 10 the Bunguls 15. We guess that the Ravens got Cat scratched fever.

Let’s go to Detroit next and find the Beagles coming to town. The Lions are getting closer but are still just too far away without Matt Stafford. Shaun Hill has about as much chance at winning an NFL game as Matt Leinart. As close as the Lions have gotten, they are still that far away when they have turnovers, 2 more interceptions today. Michael “the Dog Killer” Vick had a nice game but 6 sacks will send him back to the sidelines right where he belongs, when Kevin Kolb comes back from his concussion hopefully.
Final Score the Beagles 35 the Lions 32. Missed it by this much…

Well let us head down south to hot-lanta. When did Ken Whisenhunt forget how to coach? When did his team just give up in a game? When did the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals just quit on a game, or a season or each other. The Falcons came into the game with fire in their eyes and gird in their loins to fight the Cardinals the full 60 minutes… Expo who is writing this crap? What? Can’t we just say what we think about this game? Why? Everyone needs equal time?
Final Score the Cardinals 7 the Falcons 41. This game sucked for everyone watching, if there was anyone watching.

Now we will head to the great state of Minnesota to find the great Brett Favre. The Viqueens won the time of possession battle 36 to 24. They won the first down battle 22 to 12. They won the total yard battle 226 to 364. The great Brett Favre was 22 for 36 for 225yards for no touchdowns and 3 interceptions. So let us add up all these stats… 5 add the one, carry the 2 and the subtract that 4…
Final Score the Dolphins 14 the Viqueens 10. What they didn’t win was the total points in the game…

Okay everyone needs to take cover for this next report. Don’t be the tallest one in the area. Duck and cover as the lighting will be coming down soon… Armageddon is upon us as the Kansas City Chiefs are 2 and 0. What is next in the world? Cats barking like dogs, Horses wearing people clothes, Babies driving cars? Our one saving grace is that Matt Cassel had three scoring drives for a total of 9 points and with an interception return for a touchdown the Chiefs scored a total of 16 points.
Final Score the Chiefs 16 the Brown Stains 14. Isn’t 16 points to be beat the Brown Stains? This week is was...
Time now for the Buccan Game. This week Josh Freeman was working from a checklist. Complete at least have of my passes, 12 of 24 check. Don’t throw any interceptions, Zero turnovers check. Use your legs to get out of trouble, 4 rushes for 43 yards check. Score in every quarter so the other team knows you are here, 2 touchdowns and 2 field goals check. Hand the ballgame over to that Spurlock guy who does all the crazy 30 day shows on TBS… What that is not the guy? Oh well they were playing the Panthers, and every beats them so far this season.
Final Score the Bucs 20 the Panthers 7… this might Qualify as the crappy game on Fox, only because the Panthers were in it…

Oh Wow the next game we will talk about…. Hummm what to say? What to say? Green Bay played real well, or maybe it was their opponent. Not that their opponent was any good. In the world of insignificant this team is up at the top. Mister Rogers Neighborhood was like a blood bath, we don’t remember ever seeing Mister Rogers inviting someone over to kick the crap out of someone. We don’t think they will be his neighbor… even if he says “Please wont you be my neighbor”
Final Score Bills 7 the Packers 34… We can’t say anything about Buffalo. So we won’t…

Hey now it is time to talk about the greatest College football player in the history of College football… Tim Tebow as everyone remembers was drafted by the Denver Bronco’s to run a special package in the red zone. Let us take a look at his stats… Well he did not have an interception, or a dropped pass, he did not even throw a pass. Well did had zero rushes for zero yards… did they really need Tim Tebow greatest college football player of all time? We guess not they were playing the SheHawks.
Final Score was the SheHawks 14 the Bronco’s 31. Hey Expo did he even get into the game?

Well we shall now head out West for what would be the game to settle nothing. With nothing on the line but pride both of these team showed that they didn’t have much. Sam Bradford is playing his little heart out but has about the same amount of talent around him has Jason Campbell does. It was really sad all summer long to hear how great the Raiders were going to be this season. We are still waiting on that, it is early but we are not sure the Darren McFadden and Steve Jackson aren’t about the same. With neither one of them being very good. The only thing the Raiders have going for them is that Bruce Gradkowski could come in for Jason Campbell.
Final Score the Ewes 14 the Raiders 16… someone wake me up when something exciting happens...

Okay well here we go again. In San Diego we find the funny quote of this day from David Garrard. “It was a terrible day at the office” Said Garrard who threw four interceptions. “It is a day that you don’t want to have. Honestly If I could erase it from my memory from today, I would, but we can’t” he probably couldn’t forget because after he went out because of poor play is back up got so shaken up that he couldn’t go back in so Garrard had to go back in and make his day even worse.
Final Score the Jaguars 13 the Chargers 38... Stay Classy San Diego…

Up next was a game that was needed desperately but the J E T S Jets Jets Jets... The Jets needed this game far more that the Patriots did, but the Pats came out fighting in the first half. Quarterback Tom Brady was heard while leaving the field at halftime saying “Gosh does this place stink, or is it just me?” Well three turnovers and 2 punts in the second half didn’t do much for New England. Except lose the game. Well Tom we think that maybe what you were smelling was coming from right under your nose. After the game Mark Sanchez was overheard asking Braylon Edwards “Who got a dirty Sanchez today?” to which Edwards replied “I don’t know who got it today but I am going to party like a rock star tonight”
Final Score the Pats 14 the J E T S 28. We think we know who got what…

And the final Day game of Sunday went a little extra before it was settled. The Texans went to Washington to kick butt and take names. In the first half they had no butt to kick and no name to take, however in the 2nd half the Texans found their way and took the names of Donavan McNabb and Mike Shanahan, then kicked their butts in overtime. We are not in favor of icing the kicker by calling a time out just before the ball is snapped. That move works about 10 percent of the time.
Final score in Overtime the Texans 30 the Deadskins 27 We guess this is the 1 time out of the next 10 it will work.

Sunday Night we had the Manning bowl. This game, like the rest of the bowl games are old and out of date. We guess the best thing from this game was the clips of Peyton and his sister Ellie on the pregame. “Who is your Favorite Quarterback?” Asked by the interviewer “My Daddy”. Cute in its own right. But wouldn’t have been funnier if little Ellie had of said”But who is your Daddy?” with an evil little laugh after… Well he didn’t but there was an evil little laugh coming from the stands after Brandon Jacobs threw his helmet in the stands. Have you ever heard the expression that he couldn’t hit the ground if he threw a rock at it? Well Jacobs threw his helmet at the ground then magically it stopped just inches from the ground and began to fly up in the stands. It almost hit someone 10 rows back. If it hadn’t been such a poor throw it might have hurt someone.
Final Score the G-Aints 14 the Colts 38. Hell the G-Aints couldn’t have it the broad side of a barn… Even with a helmet.

And Lastly on Monday night we find the New Orleans Saints visiting the 49ers into the refurbished super dome. Reggie Bush was excited about getting to play on a nationally televised game that he had the game of his life. Let us take a look at the stats of greatest running back in the history of football this week: 5 rushes for 4 yards with a long of 4 yards. That makes his stats 3 rushes for zero (0) yards. He also had 4 catches for 30 yards with a long of 11 yards and a touchdown not bad. But he had another fumble and capped that performance off with a broken leg which will keep him out for 4 to 6 weeks. How will the Saints hold on?
Final Score the Saints 25 the 49ers 22. How will the saints survive without Reggie Bush’s production or lack there of?

Well that is it for another week. We hope that you enjoy this as much as we enjoy putting it together. Don’t forget to comment good or bad all comments are welcome. And don’t be afraid to share what you see with anyone else who may enjoy as well.
And remember like we always say…

Now there was a time
When you loved me so
I could have been wrong
But now you needed to know
See, I've been a bad, bad, bad, bad man
And I'm in deep, Yes I am
I found a brand new love for this man
And I can't wait till you see I can't wait

So how you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now

How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now

Remember the time
When I eat you up
You know that I wasn't lyin'
that you can't give up
So if I was to cheat
on you baby would you see right through me
If I sing a sad, sad, sad, sad song
would you give it to me

How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now

How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now

Does that make you love me baby
Does that make you want me baby
Does that make you love me baby
Does that make you want me baby

How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now
How you like me now

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 1 2010

2010-09-17T05:58:00.000-07:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard
Week 1 2010

Here we are ready to go for a new season. Let’s see if we can do better than the poor showing we had last season. So let’s check a few things to start the season: Has the Season started? Check. Expo are you here? Check. Did Bret Favre have trouble deciding if he was coming back for one more season? Check. Hey Expo Kick It!!!
First up we head to land down under. Under water that is. Katrina ravaged New Orleans played host to the first game of the season. The Superbowl champs invited back the Bret Favre lead Viqueens. This was supposed to be the redemption game for Favre who ended last season in the NFC Championship game with an interception. This week, with the game on the line, in the second half, “the super unretireable quarterback” had drives that ended punt, punt, punt, punt, and punt.
Final score the Viqueens 9 the Saints 14. 5 punts in the second half after gaining 55 yards maybe it is time to retire, again.
First up on Sunday we find ourselves at the bottom and can you get any lower than the Northwest? Home of the SheHawks. With New Coach Pete Carroll and a new attitude the SheHawks turned the team from San Francisco… well into little pink panty wearing little girls in football uniforms. Head Coach Mike Singletary was heard saying to his team in the locker, “Hey… Hey… I thought you guys wanted to win something today?” well if the number of punts equals the number of points, then you probably don’t deserve to win.
Final Score the 49ers 6 the SheHawks 31. And yes San Francisco you are this week’s Birth Canal team of the week at least they won that.
Next we head to Chicago where Da Bears took on the Lions. This was actually a good game. For the first time in a long time the Lions were competitive. But when Lions Head Coach Jim Schwartz got a call just before Half time, “Hey coach have you looked at the score board? We are leading the game, Can you believe this?” Well just as that call came out of the sky so did Julius Peppers and landed on Mathew Stafford knocking his shoulder out of its socket. After Stafford went out all the hopes of the Lions landed on Quarterback Shaun Hill. We know one thing with Shaun hill on the field the Lions didn’t have a chance of winning.
Final Score the Lions 14 da Bears 19. We still think that was a catch, we don’t care what the NFL says.

Heading to Tennessee we find the greatness of the Raiders in an old school AFL match up. For those that don’t know the Titans are the old Oilers from Houston, getting out of Houston is always a plus and Oilers did that a while back. Now if we could just get Al Davis out of Oakland. We think that the only way to get Al Davis out of Oakland is the same way to get a Kennedy out of a government office. Well the new Oilers have a new attitude with some familiar faces. Vince Young is passing and Chris Johnson is running and that is not good for the Raiders.
Final Score the Raiders 13 the Titans 38. Davis will have to die before he gives up ownership.
Up next we head to the brand new New York Giants Stadium in New Jersey. Is that an oxymoron? Something brand new in New Jersey, huh who would have thought it? We thought that New Jersey was full of old buildings, old cars, and old Ideas. Speaking of old ideas the New York Giants got back to an old idea and took the ball out of Ellie’s hand and put it in Brandon Jacobs’ and Ahmad Bradshaw capable hands. Ellie had 3 interceptions to go with his 3 touchdowns, not good at all.
Final Score the Panthers 18 the Giants 31. What a way to welcome a new stadium. Wonder who is buried in the west end zone of this one?

And now we get to the long awaited debut of…. Wait for it…. Wait For it…. Wait for it… The Greatest College Football player to ever play college football ever, Tim Tebow. We were so glad that Tim Tebow could play a home game in his professional debut as his team traveled to Jacksonville to play the Jaguars. As we all know the Denver Bronco’s drafted Tim Tebow to be their savior at quarterback, except he couldn’t beat out Kyle Orton, then we just knew he was going to run wild all over the Jacksonville Defense in the Wildcat. So let’s check out his Stats. Oh he had 2 rushes for 2 yards with a long of 1 yard. What a way to start. We guess there is only one way to go from here…
Final Score the Bronco’s 17 the Jag’s 24. Hey Tim Tebow you only have 998 more yards to get to 1000…

If someone were to tell us that Peyton Manning throw the ball 57 times we would say cool. If someone were to tell us that Bob Sanders would play about as much football the last 2 years as Colonel Sanders we would say “okay we can dig it.” But f you were to tell us the Houston Texans would open the season by winning a game against the Indianapolis Colts we would have told you that you were out of your mind. We don’t think that this is a trend that will continue because we are talking about Houston here. While Peyton was throwing 57 times Texan Quarterback Matt Schaub threw 17 times completing only 9. A Banner day don’t you think. Lucky for Houston that the Colt defense couldn’t tackle Betty White on Sunday as Arian Foster Ran wild on them for 231 yards
Final Score the Colts 24 the Texans 34. Have the Colts fallen this far??
If there was going to be just one game go to overtime who would have thought that the game with Pittsburg in it would be the one. The Falldowns played hard to secure 9 whole points on 3 field goals The Steelers played true to their name and stole the game in overtime. Not much to say about this game except that it got us 1 game closer to the return of Big Ben “I am going to hit on your daughter even if she is 12 years old and just coming out of the bathroom” Roethlisberger. This game was pretty boring… and some fans wanted to watch baseball except that they would have to watch the Pittsburg Pirates. And Hell anything is better than watching the Pirates play.
Final Score the Atlanta Falldowns 9 the Steelers 15. 15 to 9. What a wonderful way to end a perfectly crappy game.

We heard a viscous ugly rumor that Bill Tuna Cakes Parcells has stepped back from the Dolphins organization early last week. He Stated that he had done all he could do with the team and that it was up to the people he put in place to finish the job. So let us get this straight… Ole Tuna Cakes quits on his team saying that he has done all he can do for them. He is a little tired of the daily grind which can take its toll on a person. But he is going to step back and become a daily consultant. We think he has been a daily consultant the whole time. And just look at the team he has built the last 2 years. From 1 and 15 to 11 and 5 then 7 and 9 don’t worry about that slip. Well the best thing we can say is at least he wasn’t a distraction during any game including this one.
Final Score the Dolphins 15 and the Bills 10. Maybe the Bills need to be distracted?

And now we head over to what could possibly be the worst state for Pro Football Ohio. The Cincinnati Bunguls thought they were going to the superbowl after this season. However they have a better shot a missing the playoffs than they do making the playoffs. The Bunguls have shown what they are made of. And it is not snails, shells and puppy dog tails. But it is something from a puppy dog… The Patriots on the other hand were feeling no ill effects from the car crash the Tom “Terrific” Brady was in late last week. The Bunguls made it closer than it was.
Final Score the Bunguls 24 the Patriots 38. Wonder if Bill Bella-cheat had film on the Bunguls practices?
Next we head down south and find that they do have Brown Stains in Florida, at least when Cleveland comes to town. We are not sure how many times we have to say this, but one more will not hurt, this game is four quarters long. If you are going to play, you have to play for four quarters. We don’t think that 2 turnovers, 4 punts and 2 turnovers on downs is competing for a 2 quarters. Heck this game could have went down as a tie and no one would have known.
Final Score the Brown Stains 14 the Buccaneers 17. Did anyone even see the highlights?? Or Lowlights we should say…
Welcome to Mister Rogers’s neighborhood, this week Mr. Rogers visited his friends in the city of brotherly shove Philadelphia. As this game starred a special guest: Michael Vick (dog Killer extraordinaire) was on display for all to see. We wish nothing but Failure upon the man that reeked such havoc on man’s best friend. But that is our opinion and only our opinion. Nothing funny about this game except did anyone see that Beagle Stewart Bradley stumble and fall?? That was pretty funny.
Final score The Packers 27 the Beagles 20. Fitting that Vick the dog killer plays for the Beagles huh?

In the last of the day games we had the St Louis Ewes inviting over their former team the Arizona Cardinals for a little who wants to win less than I do? With stats like this it is hard to tell who wanted it less as the teams combined for 12 punts, 9 fumbles – 5 fumbles lost, 3 interceptions and 4 sacks. The one thing we didn’t have to worry about was Matt Leinart. As he was cut before the season starts. We did have to endure the stellar play of journey man Derek Anderson for the Cardinals and the number 1 pick Sam Bradford. In a game that will certainly decide last place in the NFC West this one was a doosie.
Final Score the Cardinals 17 the Ewes 13. Even showing the highlights of this game to blind kids would have been a crime against humanity…

Lastly we find the Cowgirls going to Washington to take on the Deadskins. Just so everyone knows this loss is squarely on Bill Parcells. Old Tuna Cakes himself. You see if he had not drafted Bobby Carpenter in the first round a couple of years the Cowgirls would not have had to trade him to St Louis for Alex Barron. And if Alex Barron wasn’t on the field he would not have been caught holding Brian Orakpo on the final play of the game in which Tony Romo threw a touchdown to Roy Williams of all people. Does this make sense people? If we were Wade Phillips we would have told Alex Barron he was not allowed in the locker room and just left without him. This guy should have been cut in Training camp like some cancerous mole you find on your neck after a long summer in the sun. It spoiled the otherwise great night of new Deadskin QB Donovan McNabb who was 15 of 32 for 171 yards and one sack. Was that nice or what.
Final Score the Cowgirls 7 the Deadskins 13. There were no winners in this game only one team didn’t lose as much as the other one did.

First up on Monday we found the J E T S Jets Jets Jets. And their awesome coach Rex Ryan. Hard knocks really put them and the spot light and what we learned from it was that Rex Ryan needs to shut up a lot more than he does. Like Father like son we guess. Or more over he was way up in the Jerk tree before he fell out and we think he hit every branch on the way down. Mark Sanchez the greatest Quarterback in Jets history while Ryan has been the head coach (which isn’t saying much) played to the level of a 6th grade kid trying to play in high school. And High schoolers was about what the Jets looked like out there. But maybe just maybe it was the Baltimore Ravens that made them look like that.
Final Score the Ravens 10 the JETS 9. Somebody got a dirty Sanchez we think it might have been the fans of the JETS…
And lastly we find the Chargers renewing another old AFL Rivalry against the Chiefs. It only took 2 years to get all the Herm Edwards out of the Chiefs system. And they only did for one game so far. Chief quarterback Matt Cassel had a spectacular game going 10 completions on 22 attempts for 68 yards. On his way to 4000 yards this season he is off to a strong start, only 3932 more yards to go. We think the Chargers were shocked (pun intended) to see the Chiefs play as well as they did. But giving up a punt return for a touchdown was not good and it turned out to be the play of the game. Hey Chargers this game is about Tackleling, and Blocking everything starts and ends there. If you can’t do that then why play the game?
Final Score the Chargers 14 the chiefs 21. First winning record for the Chiefs in a long time. But their record is 1 and 0.

Well that puts the first week in the books. We are getting back into the swing and hopefully things will be better in the coming weeks. Thanks to everyone who has been a part of this one.
And remember like we always say…

Ring my friend, I said you call Doctor Robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, Doctor Robert

If you're down he'll pick you up, Doctor Robert
Take a drink from his special cup, Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need
No one can succeed like Doctor Robert

Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... Doctor Robert

My friend works for the national health, Doctor Robert
Don't pay money just to see yourself with Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, Doctor Robert

Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... Doctor Robert

Ring my friend, I said you call Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, I said you call Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 8

2009-11-12T05:25:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 8 2009

Well here we are the first half is over. How did you like it? Did it have all the action pack games you were looking for? Or did it just fizzle out? All we have found out is there are a lot of teams that are struggling to keep their heads above water. Insert your own Michael Vick joke. First things first, lets talk about who is not playing, Cincinnati Kansas City, New England, Pittsburg, Tampa Bay and Washington. With these team not playing hopefully there were some decent matchups. Let’s get started Expo Kick it!!!

Wow that was a lot of fan fare to start but starting with this team kind of leaves us flat. The Brown Stains showed up in Chicago to face Da Bears. We have a question, how did Cleveland get an NFL Franchise? Was this some gift because their team moved? If so then can someone else buy this hunk of junk? This is ridiculous. This is their season in one game their quarterback of the present and future dropped back 21 times and completed only 7 for 85 yards... They also took a sack and had 2 interceptions for the game, not a quarter, not a half, but a game. After the game Head Coach Eric Mangenius was asked if his team could win any awards this year. He replied, “Well I think we are a shoe in for the Birth Canal team of the week this week.”
Final score the Brown Stains 6 Da Bears 30. Yes you are Coach. Yes you are...

Okay up next we find the Denver Bronco’s heading across the country to play in Baltimore, home of the Ravens. The Bronco’s had shown that new Coach Josh McDaniels had the right stuff to make his team undefeated. But then they played against the Ravens. After the game we tallied up the number of plays the Bronco’s ran in the game we found that they ran 58 plays. But only 19 of those were running plays for a total of 66 yards. Honestly 66 yards? Well after spotting the Ravens 13 points the Bronco’s came roaring back to only lose by 23. Roaring?
Final Score the Bronco’s 7 the Ravens30. Are you sure you want to use Roaring?

Up next we go to Canada to find the Buffalo Bills trying to build on the 2 wins they had in a row. Let us see how they did. Well Buffalo had the ball 11 times in the game and 6 of those ended in punts, 2 ended in interceptions, 1 ended on downs, 1 ended with a touch down and one a field goal. That is not good. If you are going to score only 10 points in a game you better be playing Detroit, or Cleveland or Buffalo, oh wait you are Buffalo, you can’t play your self can you?
Final Score the Texans 31 the Bills 10. If they did play themselves it would end in a tie.

Okay the next game has two teams that combined for 1 win in the last year. When Detroit and St Louis get together the Fireworks are going to fly. We are sorry did we say fireworks? These two teams are terrible, and we aren’t sure who would watch this game or why it was played.
Final Score the Ewes 17 the Lionesses 10. Good God at one point the score was 3 to 2…

The next game reminds us of a quote that we just can’t get out of our head. “When you find yourself in Danger and you’re threatened by a stranger and it looks like you will take a lickin. Cluck, cluck cluck…” The Tennessee didn’t call for super chicken, but did call for Vince Young. Who responded with a game that can best be described as average? But hey Average doesn’t suck right? 15 of 18 for 125 yards and a touchdown are better than a kick in the head or Kerry Collins.
Finals Score the Jaguars 13 the Titans 30. Fred would be proud of you Vince.

Okay so if we told you that Peyton Manning the 6 foot 4 inch Colt Quarterback with a laser arm was 31 of 48 for 347 yards, how bad do you think that Indy beat the San Francisco 49ers? What if we told you that Peyton didn’t throw any interceptions but that he didn’t throw any touchdowns? Well that happened as well… But there was a touchdown thrown, just not by Peyton Manning. Joseph Addai throws a touchdown and Colts have won 16 in Row in the regular Season.
Final Score the 49ers 14 the Colts 18.

Well on this the 50th anniversary of the beginning of the AFL we find Al Davis and the Raiders traveling down to San Diego to take on the Chargers. This game was over at halftime. And it showed as the teams meandered on the field and barely scored in the second half. But it didn’t really matter because the Chargers had scored 21 points in the first half. The Raiders have barely scored that many in a Game this year. And as a matter of fact they only scored 26 points in the month of October.
Final Score the Raiders 16 the Chargers 24. 26 points for October? That is less than a touchdown a game.

Here we are again The Miles Austin Show. This week we find our Star Miles Austin catching passes and scoring touchdowns, again. Turn over Tony Romo didn’t throw an interception this week but he did have 3 touchdowns passes. The Shehawks were just what the Cowboys needed after the bye week. A team to come into the New Cowboys Stadium just lie down and not put up a fight.
Final Score the Shehawks 17 the Cowboys 38. How long can Turn over Tony keep up this pace?

Well here we go again, time to check in with the Beagles. Fresh off their cross country drubbing handed to them by the Mighty Oakland Raiders, the Philadelphia Beagles decided to take charge against the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS. After spotting the Beagles to a 16 point lead the GIANTS went to work and drove 89 yards for a touchdown to cut the lead to 9. Humm then they gave up 2 more touchdowns before the end of the 1st half and the game was over. Is this the Roller coaster ride we are used to from the Giants? Win their first 5 then spiral out of control losing their last 3 games. Are we going to see 5 loses before they win again?
Final Score the NYFG 17 the Beagles 40. We guess that the roller coaster in Atlantic City, NJ is fun huh?

Okay up next we find ourselves in Ari-Freaking-Zona home of all things Cardinal. This team just can’t play at home. Why is that do you think? We think that the Cardinals played out of their minds last year and now don’t know how to get back to that form, especially at home. Kurt Warner was so bad that head coach Ken Whisenhunt nearly put in Matt Leinart. But Matt is so bad that even 5 interceptions by Warner couldn’t get him into the game.
Final Score the Panthers 34 the Cardinals 21. How bad does Warner have to be before Leinart gets to play?

Welcome to the Ted Ginn Jr show here in New Jersey. This week history was made, sort of. Ted Ginn Jr took 2 of his 6 kickoff returns back for touchdowns in one quarter. That was sandwiched around a fumble returned for a touchdown by Jason Taylor. So if you were counting or not that is 3 touchdowns or 21 points where we come from. And in a close game 21 points can come in handy. Do you smell that? It smells like?? It smells like??
Final Score the Dolphins 30 the J E T S 25. It smells like poop rubbed on a Tuna Cake…

And finally the last game of Sunday is the one everyone was talking about. This is the game when Brett Favre returns back to Lambeau field. This game was basically about the Viqueens coming to town and playing an inferior team. The Packers are an inferior team where the Viqueens are concerned and it doesn’t have anything to do with the loss of Brett Favre. What it does have to do with is no running game, no coaching staff and not much of a defense. We aren’t buying into the hype of Brett Farve.
Final Score the Viqueens 38 the Packers 26. You don’t win the division in Sept or Oct.

And now the final game. The Monday Night extravaganza. The only thing we can think of that is worse than the Sunday night announcing crew is the Monday night crew. We know that ESPN is the home for wayward Fired Coaches and retired marginal players like Keyshawn Johnson, and Trent Dilfer, and is there a bigger spare from the Front office than Matt Millen? John Gruden should just read his Resume because his analysis is terrible, Lets get to the game. The Greatest Running back in the History of the NFL had 5 touches and only 15 yards.
Final Score the Falldowns 27 the Saints 35. Do they still cheer for him at home?

Well that is it. We hope you have enjoyed this as much as we have putting this together. Because we are enjoying it…

And remember like we always say…..

Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these daya are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 7

2009-11-11T05:26:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 7 2009

Week 7 is here and gone and now we must put our little prospective on it. First things first however is everyone playing this week? No. So let us tell you who isn’t. Denver, Detroit, Tennessee, Seattle, Jacksonville and Baltimore are all off, but some of those may have been off more than just this week. Let’s get to the games shall we?

Have you ever seen anyone die in person? Well we have, and nothing reminds us more of watching people die than watching an Oakland Raiders game. These guys are finding new ways to kill themselves. After the euphoria of beating the Beagles last week they come into this week and it is back to reality. This was like walking down the hall of a nursing home after they slipped everyone a prune flavored lollipop. How long are we going to have to sit and watch this team crap in the bed??? We will give the Oakland Raiders this weeks Birth Canal Team of the week but someone else is going to have to clean it up for next week.
Final Score the J E T S 38 the Raiders Not a damn Point. Did someone say Dirty Sanchez?

Not moving up too far we find the Packers heading to Cleveland to face the Brown Stains. Can things get any worse for Cleveland? They have 2 quarterbacks on their Roster, but the head Coach doesn’t think either can play. “Derek Anderson gives us the best chance to win” Head Coach Eric Mangenius said, so lets look at his numbers: 12 completions in 29 attempts for 99 yards with 2 sacks and an interception. Wow if that is the best he can do maybe they should be forfeiting?
Final Score the Packers 34 the Brown Stains 3. Derek Anderson gives you no chance to win. Dumbass.

Okay setting up this next game we would like to mention that the Colts are undefeated and the Ewes are winless. Do you really need anymore explanation? Welcome to St Loser Peyton Manning, get your win and move on.
Final Score The Colts 42 The Ewes 6. When will the Ewes ever win a game?

Although the Penny’s had a game doesn’t mean that they played. After allowing 2 touchdowns in the first quarter Tampa Bay would not be able to catch up. We tried to come up with something positive to type about Tampa Bay. And we are positive that they would lose to any junior high team in Florida. People in Florida are putting up goal posts in their front yards to keep the Penny’s away.
Final Score the Pats 35 Tampa Bay 7. This game wasn’t even that close.

In Kansas City they were still so excited over the win against Washington last week that the offense decided to stay on the Sidelines this week. The Paramount moment of the game came when Head Coach Todd Haley decided to go for a fourth and 1 from his own 41. Quarterback Matt Cassell didn’t make it. That is their season in one play. Hell they might as well have taken the snap wondered around in the back field like they were looking for 4 leaf clovers until the defense came and pushed them down.
Final Score the Chargers 37 the Chiefs 7. What do you call a joke that is not funny? The Chiefs…

Down in Carolina they have a joke that is not too funny either it is called the Panthers. Question: What do you call a Buffalo in Carolina? Answer: A Winner. The Buffalo Bills came to town riding high after defeating the J E T S last week and stuck it to the Panther this week. You wonder how they did it. We did as well so we took a look at the stats. And they were out gained 425 yards to 167. They lost the first down battle 20 to 9. And Time of possession was not close 35 minutes to 25 minutes. Terrell T O Owens was asked after the game how they won the game. “Hey man I am involved now and you know I make things happen when I have the ball”. Well three catches for 27 is not much production.
Final Score the Bills 20 the Panther 9 but the Results are pretty good.

Next up we see Da Bears are celebrating their new found success at Quarterback by giving him a new contract extension for 2 more years. He in turn went out and gave Da Bears all he had to win that game against the Bengals. Which was 26 of 37 for 251 yards and 3 interceptions. Wow how much did he get? 30 million? We Guess Da Bears are made of money, or they the next thing with ties to the President to get a government bail out. Hey Jay maybe you should take some lessons from Carson Palmer who threw 5 touchdowns. Very nice.
Final Score Da Bears 10 the Bengals 45. Was there a game that was at least entertaining this weekend?

Finally a game that was at least watchable for some of the country. Brett Farve’s game against the Pittsburg Steelers was a game that was once again forced down our throats. It was boring like every other Steeler game until the final few minutes. Okay Down by 10 points the Great Brett Favre dropped back to pass but fumbled the ball and LaMarr Woodley scooped it up and returned it 77 yards for a touchdown. So the Steelers are now up 27 to 10 and all is lost. On the sidelines someone whispered in Percy Harvin’s ear “Hey if you want Brett to throw the ball your way you better do something with it.” So he returns the kickoff for a touchdown. After a punt Brett goes back to work and drives the Viqueens down until he drops back and throws an interception to Keyaron Fox that is returned for a touchdown.
Final Score the Viqueens 17 the Steelers 27. The Viqueens Lose the Viqueens Lose, The world is back to right.

Up next a game of 2 halves finally came to an end. And we guess that we will have to Declare Houston the winner. How does Matt Schuab keep doing it? He just wins game despite himself. This week the Texans score 17 points in the 1st half while the 49ers scored 17 points in the 2nd. But the Texans manage a field goal in the fourth to get the win. We can defiantly say that when the Texans score more points than their opponents they win…
Final Score the 49ers 21 the Texans 24. But when they don’t they lose…

Welcome to the Miles Austin show. He has shown exactly what an undrafted wide receiver can do when he is being thrown to by an undrafted quarterback. That combination has been a hit for a couple of weeks now. Atlanta was supposed to come into Dallas and take care of business. But the only business that was taken care of was the Falldown fell down again. Turn-over Tony had none this week but can he keep up this streak?
Final Score the Falldowns 21 the Cowboys 37. How long can it continue???

Up next we find that no team in the NFL can contain the New Orleans Saints. So if no one can contain them then REG GIE Bush should be having a great season, let’s look in on the stats from this week. Well he had 3 carries for 10 yards with a long of 10 yards. Wow now that is production. He had 3 catches for 16 yards with a long of 11. 6 touches for 26 yards. That is what we call production from the greatest running back in the history of the NFL. Oh yea the Saints won again.
Final Score the Saints 46 the Dolphins 34. Big Tuna Cakes can’t be happy.

Is it just us or is it true? No one wants to play in Ari-Freaking-Zona, not even the Cardinals. They are 1 and 3 at home this year, but this week the rumbled and stumbled their way through New Jersey. Speaking of stumbling what can we call the last couple of weeks for the New York Football Giants? Is Ellie Stumbling, or Bumbling? Ellie was 19 for 37 for 254 yards, but had 3 interceptions. That is not good. Kurt Warner stuck it to his old team by throwing 1 touchdown… 1 touchdown?
Final Score the Cardinals 24 the NYFG 17 I guess one touchdown was all he needed…

And Finally on Monday night we find the Beagles taking on the Washington Deadskins. This game was so bad that the Beagles packed up and left after halftime and the Deadskins could only manage 1 touchdown against an empty field. And that score happen with less than 2 minutes left in the game and it got them to within 10 points.
Final score the Beagles 27 the Deadskins 17. What the Hell?

Well that is it for this week, Sorry about the lateness, we are trying to get back on track.

And remember like we always say….

She keeps Moet et Chandon
In her pretty cabinet'
Let them eat cake' she says
Just likeMarie Antoinette
A built-in remedy
For Kruschev and Kennedy
At anytime an invitation

You can't decline
Caviar and cigarettes
Well versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice
She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime

Recommended at the price
Insatiable an appetite
Wanna try?
To avoid complications
She never kept the same address
In conversation
She spoke just like a baroness
Met a man from China
Went down to Geisha Minah
Then again incidentally
If you're that way inclined
Perfume came naturally from Paris
For cars she couldn't care less
Fastidious and precise

She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind

Anytime

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 6

2009-11-02T12:47:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 6 2009

Wow is this season going by fast? We are already at week 6. Gosh there seems to be a definite separation in the upper and lower teams. And that gap can be as small as the Grand Canyon, but it can also be as big as the gap between Michael Strahan’s teeth. Before we get going let us tell you who is off this week, Dallas, Indianapolis, San Francisco, and Miami. Well with that of the way, hey Expo kick it.

We will start at the bottom and at the bottom we find the Tennessee Titans. In Greek Mythology the Titans were greater than the Gods. In Tennessee the Titans are worse than that little bit a vomit that you burp up after you get too much Salsa on your chip at a bad Mexican food restaurant. You know the one that burns your throat? You know which one we are talking about. We can only guess that it makes the Titans worse than warm spit. This team couldn’t have tried to quit any more. We were so disgusted at this team that the Birth Canal Team of the week is too good for them. But that is the perfect example of one, So as you can guess they are not the birth canal team of the week but they are a bunch of a… They will probably lose when they are on the bye week.
Final Score the Titan not a damn point. The Pats 59. Is Tom Brady getting back into playing shape after missing last year?

Okay staying at the bottom we find this week’s crappy game on FOX. okay anyone can answer this question? What is 11 for 25 for 105 yards no touch downs, and 3 interceptions? Answer 2 quarterbacks who have no business playing in the NFL. Thanks a lot Drew Stanton and Daunte Culpepper. It looks like everyone else has given up on you so we will as well. Glad you are lost in Detroit. Where the hell is Mark Stafford?
Final Score the Lions 0 the Packers 26. The Packers win. Yuck…

Okay well here is another question for you; why the hell is Derek Anderson playing quarterback for the Cleveland Browns? The answer because he is better that Brady Quinn. The head coach Eric Mangenius thinks that Brady Quinn can’t play quarterback so much that he let Joshua Cribbs play before he put in Quinn. Well they don’t call him the Mangenius for nothing. Oh yea this was the crappy game on CBS as well.
Final Score the Brown Stains 14 the Steelers 27. We guess they do call him Mangenius for nothing.

Well we thought we would get off the bottom, but we find ourselves in Seattle home of the mother of all bottoms this year the Seattle Shehawks. Do you need the fact as to why this game is on the bottom? How about 7 first downs and 8 punts does that suck enough for you? How about 128 yards of total offense? We have seen better outputs in a Pee Wee Football game. It got so bad that the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals let Matt Leinart play, and hell he was 2 for 2.
Final Score the Cardinals 27 the Shehawks 3. Nice game Matt.

And now to the game that we wish we didn’t have to report on. The Washington Deadskins are finally done. For 5 weeks they have played a team that had not won this season and they had lost 3 of those games. This week they played the Chiefs of Kansas City. The Chiefs had not won a game either, however that was about to change. During a timeout in the second half someone asked Head coach Jim Zorn what he needed to get through this game? To which he responded; what I really need is a drink. Like some Gatorade? “Nope something stronger” Zorn said. A rum and Coke one of the coaches inquired? Coach Zorn looked over each shoulder and said what I really want is some lemonade with a little Gin in it. Then Quality Control - offensive coach Bill Khavat, turned and told Todd Collins to go into the game. We know from experience that Drinking on the field is not good.
Final Score the Chiefs 14 the Deadskins 6. Sorry but Tom Collins is terrible, the drink and the Quarterback.

Okay well we finally get off the first rung of this weeks ladder and find the Philadelphia Eagles flying across the country and playing the Oakland Raiders. The Beagles played like dogs, and that seems fitting that a team playing like dogs has Michael Vick on it. We wonder if any one was choked on the team plane home? If so it wasn’t reported this week. but what is being reported is that now everyone is having a hard time seeing the Beagles in the playoffs this year after they lost to the Raiders. Hell even we don’t know who is going to make the playoffs, but we don’t think that a loss to the Raiders will keep anyone from making the playoffs.
The Final Score the Beagles 9 the Raiders 13. Teams can’t travel across the country and win, even when you play the Raiders.

Up next we will move to the game with Ben-gals and Texans. Who would have ever thought that Matt Schuab would out duel Carson Palmer. Well stranger things have happened we are sure, but currently we can’t think of anything. Oh wait how about Roswell New Mexico, the New Coke Formula, the Cabbage patch doll phenomenon, and those little ships that get put into the bottles, how the hell does that happen? Well back to the game, Matt Schuab threw 2 touchdowns in the second half and Carson Palmer threw humm none.
Finals Score the Texans 28 the Ben-Gals 17. And lastly we offer the Bigfoot as our strangest thing.

Well crap we forgot about this game. The St Loser Ewes went to Jacksonville, and actually played well enough to lose by only 3 points. It was fitting that we forgot about it since most everyone else did as well. Humm this game went to overtime and that is about all there is to it. We guess we could say Thanks for the game.
Final Score the Ewes 20 the Jaguars 23 But we could also say Thanks for nothing.

Okay since we are finally out of the doldrums of the terrible games we are finally a game that might just mean something. The Carolina Panther invaded the Tampa Bay Penniesanears. Oh wait this game didn’t mean anything except maybe who is going to get the 4th pick in next years draft. Well we looked at the game and can only come up with one word for it.
Final Score the Panthers 28 the Penniesanear 21. Sad. Sad is the only word we can think of.

Okay so the next game is the Brett Farve game. This was the game that was supposed to be the one where Brett Farve falls on his scruffy unshaven face. Well with 3:37 left in the game Baltimore scores a touchdown to go ahead 31 to 30. Then the kickoff is a touchback and the Viqueens are first and 10 just 80 yards away from the endzone. One pass from Brett Favre to Sidney Rice for 56 yards and Brett Farve continues his magic on the field. And we continues our sickness of having to listen to everyone kiss the feet of Brett Favre.
Final Score the Ravens 31 the Viqueens 33 When will it ever end???

Now we will see about the game in New Jersey a dirty game if we ever saw one. We have tried to think about what would be the best thing to happen to the Buffalo Bills. Finally if came to us. Get rid of Bills quarterback Trent Edwards is our best idea. So when Ryan Fitzpatrick ran out on to the field we weren’t the only ones jumping for joy. But while the Bills were jumping up and down and punting for their next 5 possessions, the J E T S were busy scoring 10 whole points in the second quarter. Okay now don’t everyone start to cheer too hard for the J E T S as they only scored 13 points in the first half. But during the second half and overtime, they ended their drives with an interception, interception, interception, punt, interception, punt, and interception. After the game Ryan Fitzpatrick was over heard in the locker room “Ha who got the dirty Sanchez today?”
Final Score the Bills 16 the J E T S 13. Did someone ask for a rusty Trombone?

Okay now for the biggest game in the history of the NFL so far, that didn’t include Brett Favre. The NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS invaded the New Orleans Superdome like the homeless during Katrina. Ellie had such a great game that Coach Tom Coughlin Took him out in the fourth quarter, Check out these Number 14 for 31 for 178 yards with an interception, and a fumble. The Giants appeared to lay down like a cheap rug, which was not good for the die-hard Giant fans of this world. They thought that spending time in front of the TV with the children watching the game was a good idea until the game got to 34 to 17 at halftime So they Left to play Golf with the kids.
Final Score the Giants 27 the Saints 49. And REGGE BUSH had almost 55 yards in total yards… Nice huh?

Now for the Sunday Night Game Da Bears headed south to Atlanta to take on the Falcons. This game was made for Chris Collinsworth. It was so boring that that he almost seemed intelligent. This game could have been played in a half, as no one scored in the first or third quarter. but it went the distance and like every good bicycle race we were waiting for the Wrecks but they never came.
Final Score Da Bears 14 the Falcons 21. is this over yet?

And Finally on Monday night we find the old AFL Match up between the Chargers and the Denver Bronco’s. Denver trotted out their throw back uniforms that looked like they were left by a horse with the trots. How does the league continue to allow this to happen? The Bronco’s continue to win and no body is upset about it. When did Kyle Orton become Joe Montana for goodness sakes. Is any one watching?
Final Score the Bronco’s 34 the Chargers 23.

Well there you have it… another week down….

And Remember Like we always say….

Well, my daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to Ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze
Now, I don't blame him 'cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me 'Sue'

Well, he must o' thought that is was quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk
It seems I had to fight my whole life through
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named 'Sue'

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean
My fist got hard and my wits got keen
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame
But I made me a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man that gave me that awful name

Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew
At an old saloon on a street of mud
There at a table, dealing stud
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me 'Sue'

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye
He was big and bent and gray and old
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said, "My name is 'Sue'! How do you do? Now you gonna die"

Yeah, that's what I told him
Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down but, to my surprise
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer
I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile

And he said, "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I know I wouldn't be there to help ya along
So I give ya that name and I said good-bye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's that name that helped to make you strong"
He said, "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do
But ya ought to thank me, before I die
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
'Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you 'Sue'"
Yeah, but what could I do, what could I do

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son
And I come away with a different point of view
And I think about him, now and then
Every time I try and every time I win

And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him...
Bill or George, any damn thing but 'Sue'! I still hate that name

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 5

2009-10-14T05:26:00.000-07:00

Stroll down The NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 5

Well here we are finally got to week 5. Does it seem like it has been 5 weeks since we started this year. Well this season is turning into a season of haves and have not’s. So let’s see who has not played this week; Da Bears, Green Bay, the Saints and the Chargers. So why don’t we get it started.

As always we start on the bottom. When the turn the first game over to finds its bottom we find Buffalo. Okay this game has got to be the absolute worst in the history of the NFL. This game had no intrinsic value at all. We can’t even think of anything worse than this game. The best stat of this game was 2 completions in 17 attempts for 23 yards. 2 completions? 2 completions? Are you kidding us? This was the Crappy game of the week no matter what network it was on. The only thing worse, than this game were the Uniforms in another game.
Final Score 6 to 3. Damn it we don’t even care who won. So we aren’t reporting it.

Let’s move all the way across the country and find the Seattle Shehawks Calling here kitty kitty. As bad as the previous game this one was almost as bad. This will be our Crappy game on CBS. Although there were 41 points scored it was only by 1 team. This again proves the theory that you can’t travel across the country and win. As Seattle started calling the Jacksonville Jaguars, they rolled over on their back and showed the Shehawks that little soft patch a fur just above the FUPA. So here is to you Jags this weeks Birth canal team of the week.
Final Score the Jags 0 the Shehawks 41. How the hell do you not score a point?

Staying Close to the bottom we travel back to the right coast. Is that an oxymoron? Well we find Al Davis and his Oakland Raiders playing the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS. So far there has only been one team in the history of the NFL that has made David Carr look good thank you Oakland. This week David Carr played and had more completions than any other Quarterback in the game. Oakland may not be able to punch their way out of a wet paper sack, but Head Coach Tom Cable can certainly punch his coaches out.
Final Score the Raiders 7 the NYFG 44. Just ask Randy Hanson if Coach Cable can throw a punch.

Up next we travel down the coast and find the next guy to get fired, in our opinion. Jim Zorn may not have much time left before the inevitable happens. He is going to get fired it is just a matter of time. We could start a watch but we don’t think that it will take that long. We wondered how long it was going to take the Panthers to win a game; they just had to play the Deadskins. Hell they are letting everyone beat them, anyone else needing a win? Just call on the Deadskins.
Final Score the Deadskins 17 the Panthers 20. Who is next winless team coming to town?

Up next we will talk about the Lions of Detroit. They played hard and never gave up which is all you can ask a team to do in the NFL. But alas they were beaten by a team with better players, and a better scheme. There is no shame in that. But the Steelers should be ashamed. They played so poorly that they allowed a team that has only won 1 game in their last 21 to stay with them. But that is the way they play the game. Stay close and win it in the end.
Final Score the Steelers 28 the Lions 20 Hell Matt Stafford didn’t even play.

Well we just checked the commodities market and have found that corn is down again. It is fitting that we were in Philadelphia, because we think that Billy Ray Valentine could help Tampa Bay. Hell right now anyone could help Tampa Bay even Coleman the Butler. We are trying to find something positive about Tampa Bay but the only thing we are positive about is that they positively suck.
Final Score Tampa Bay 14 the Beagles 33. When does Tampa Play the Deadskins?

Up next we find the mystical Magical Brett Favre tour making a stop in the worst state for football. Missouri. The teams there are a combined zero for the season. If it weren’t for the parade they threw through the streets in St Louis the fans would have nothing to cheer about. Thank Goodness Brett Favre has finally found a home in Minnesota We guess he has finally found a team to appreciate Brett Favre for being Brett Favre, yes let’s us all cheer for Brett Farve the whole season, all the networks are, so why shouldn’t we? He has done everything anyone could possibly expect him to. He has won three MVP awards, and 1 super bowl, retired, cried, unretired, cried, played for the JETS, cried again, retired again, unretired again, cried again, joined Minnesota. And now we all cry because we have to hear about his every movement.
Final Score the Viqueens 38 the Ewes 10. This Just in from ESPN #2 Brett Favre took one.

Up next we find that the Ravens did everything they could to win the game on Sunday. They had 12 first downs, 6 punts, a defensive touchdown, loads of miss plays including letting Andre Caldwell beat you. We mean who wouldn’t cover a guy running down the middle of the field with 10 seconds left to play. We can only guess that covering a 3rd round draft choice was just too much as this guy ran free down the middle of the field till Carson Palmer threw him the ball.
Final Score the Ben-Gals 17 the Ravens 14. Not a good way to Honor the funeral of Edgar Allen Poe this week.

We sure do like what is happening in San Francisco this year with Mike Singletary and his approach to the game of football. His no-nonsense attitude about how the game should be played and how he is going to have his players play. Take as an example Cornerback Dre’ Bly, on Sunday he defended his actions, by saying “I am just another clown in this Circus. Come on down to the big top and watch me get out of the car, and squirt some one with seltzer water.” After a meeting with Coach Singletary he attitude changed just a little "It was totally, totally inappropriate. I apologized to coach (Mike Singletary). I'm not a selfish guy. I didn't mean to embarrass him -- if I did embarrass him -- embarrass my team, embarrass ownership, and embarrass the fans,"
Final Score the Falcons 45 the 49ers 10. Hey Dre’ did you smell Coaches Flower?

And in the Game of least consequence of the weekend two teams played in Ari-Freaking-zona. The Texans and the Cardinals right? Okay so what about this game made it significant? Anybody? Anything? Well we couldn’t find anything either. Oh hey did Matt Leinart get on the field? Let us check right here. Humm it looks like he warmed up and then held a clip board the whole game.
Final Score the Texans 21 the Cardinals 28. How do you warm up to hold a clipboard?

Okay well it looks like we picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue, because the uniforms in the next game were well in a word. Burnable. That is what happen some 47 years ago when the then Denver Bronco’s burned them never to be worn again until the next time they were worn. The throwback uniforms are great idea as long as they are not made into a throw up uniforms. The New England Patriots are so cool with the guy snapping the ball on the helmet. It is a very classic look. The Bronco’s were throwing up something after a night of bad Chinese food and Tequila. Oh yea and the game? The Bronco’s won. Is Coach Bellacheat going the way of his mentor?
Final Score the Pats 17 the Bronco’s 20. How long till the Pats get a 58% coach?

Okay now this game had a classic feel to it, however it seems like this game has never taken place before. The Old Dallas Texans invited the new Dallas Cowgirls to Kansas City for an old fashioned Ice cream social. And as Joe Buck must have said about 100 times this was the game that never took place in Dallas because the teams were just on different playing fields even though they both played in the Cotton Bowl. What a clean Crisp look that Texan helmet has the Outline of the Lone star state with one lone star where Dallas is located. We might have chosen different colors other than red and yellow, that kind of goes to together like Strawberries and mustard, but hey to each his own we always say. As for the game The Chiefs need to learn three things. Tackle, Tackle, and Tackle.;
Final Score the Cowgirls 26 the Chiefs 20. Another game going to overtime.

Well the Sunday night game taught us 2 things. 1. Peyton Manning maybe the best Quarterback (besides Brett Farve) with only 1 super bowl ring. 2. That the Tennessee Titans are really something. They are really something terrible. How do you fall from 13 – 3 one year to 0 and 5 the next? You guys are killing us. What the Hell, did Kerry Collins get some prescription medications again? Is he drinking again? Did his dog die? Vince Young came in and played like the shell of his former self by completing 0 passes for 0 yards.
Finals Score the Colts 33 the Titans 9. At least he didn’t hold the Clipboard all game.

And now to the last game of the week. The New York Jets decided to go south to play the Miami Dolphins. Did anyone else know that October was Hispanic month? And the NFL was celebrating the entire Month on Monday night. It seems fitting that the Owner of the Dolphins, Hispanic singing star Mark Anthony, came out to sing the National Anthem. Glad he didn’t trick it up by singing part of it in Spanish. Then did anyone else hear the first penalty call by the referee? It was all in Spanish. I thought my Television had suddenly switched to Telemundo. All night long the Dolphins had been getting the dirty Sanchez from the JETS, but then in the 4th quarter things changed as the Dolphins slipped the JETS the big Tuna cakes. Rex Ryan was disgusted and was heard saying ‘Damn it I hate the smell of seafood.’
Final Score the JETS 27 the Dol-Pins 31. Why are we celebrating the entire month on one night?

Well there we are again. Another week in the books. We sure do hope you enjoy this as much as we enjoy putting to together.

And remember like we always say….

Now everybody - have you heard
If you're in the game, then the stroke's the word
Don't take no rhythm - don't take no style
Got a thirst for killing - grab your vile...

You put your right hand out...give a firm hand-shake
Talk to me about the one big break..
Spread the ear pollution both far and wide...
Keep your contributions by your side
and stroke me, stroke me...

Could be a winner boy, you move quite well...
You got your number down...
Say you're a winner boy - man you're just a sinner now
You put your left foot out - keep it all in place
Work your way right into my case
First you try to bed me - you make my backbone slide...
But when you find you bled me - skip on by...

Keep on - stroke me, stroke me - Give me the business all night long...
You're so together boy...
Say you're a winner but man you're just a sinner now
Better listen now...(said) it ain't no joke
Let your conscience fail ya...just do the stroke
Don'tcha take no chances...
keep your eye on top
Do your fancy dances...
you can't stop, you just stroke

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 4

2009-10-07T05:34:00.000-07:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 4

Okay well here we are…. The half of the fist half of the season is over. And teams are starting to present themselves in a different light. Maybe we can start to remove the rose colored glass some of us are wearing and start to see things for what they really are? This week we need to tell you that those who are fans of Atlanta, Philadelphia, Ari-Freaking-zona, and Carolina, you can sit back and watch the rest of the teams work this week as you have a bye week. So let’s get started shall we? Kick it…

Fist we start with the Battle of Ohio. This will double as our Crappy game of the week on CBS. According to our reports this game went 74 minute and 57 seconds too long. What should have happen is that Romeo Crennel and those Coors Light Guys Interview guys should have went to the beaches of Lake Erie and had a contest to see who could hold their breath the longest under water. Not sure who would have won but it would have been a hell of a lot more interesting than this game.
Final Score the Ben-Gals 23 the Brown Stains 20. And this game went to Overtime?

Staying on the bottom we find the Oakland Raiders and whoever is playing them. How did this team get so bad so quickly? Oh wait the Raiders have been bad for a while. Before the game started both teams were 1 and 2 but after the game only one team still had 1 win and that team was the Oakland Raiders. Well there is one thing that the Raiders win… This weeks Birth Canal team of the Week.
Final Score the Raiders 6 the Texans 29. Houston wins again. Oh no.

Now let’s get to the Crappy game on Fox. Most games on Fox are Crappy but today we find the Ewes visiting the 49ers. The Ewes have lost more people in their starting lineup than Mickey Rooney has had wives. When asked about his sanity Coach Spagnuolo responded "I have a lovely wife who cooks good food and I've got good people around me. I just try and move onto the next game.”
Final Score the Ewes 0 the 49ers 28. Is the next game Parcheesi?

Up next we find the Detroit Lions going to the Chicago to face Da Bears. And they celebrated the win the Lions had last week, by allowing them the lead after the first quarter and to be tied at half time. Da Bears flexed a little muscle and showed the Lions who the King of Jungle is now.
Final Score the Lions 24 Da Bears 48. The Lions kind of looked like George of the jungle in the second half.

The Shehawks ventured out of the friendly confines of their own nest to find the Colts not being too friendly. When asked how the Colts were going to play this week Peyton Manning was over heard saying. “Hey we can hang 30 on them; I got the time and the energy. Let’s get it on like Donkey Kong!” Well he did and they did and there wasn’t much the Shehawks could do but take it. Well like normal Peyton was great and the other Quarterback wasn’t.
Final Score the Shehawks 17 the Colts 34 Who the Hell names their kid Seneca?

Well we now have to get back to the bottom for a moment. We had forgotten this game, mainly because it was unforgettable... Who would have watched this game? Only those who have some self-mutilating wish. How could anyone watch this game without a fork in their eye? We know we couldn’t.
Final Score the Pennies 13 the Deadskins 16. Until they win we can’t call them Bucs. But we will call them pennies.

As we mentioned before things are becoming clearer now since the start of the season. And one of the things that is becoming clear is that the Tennessee Titans are not as good as their record last year. Hey they have lost their last 5 game in row. And now look what is happening now. The Jacksonville Jaguars are finally playing for Head Coach Jack Del Rio. Well they have twice so far. And that makes them 2 and 2 so far.
Final Score the Titans 17 the Jaguars 37. It is about time the Jaguars started playing.

Now for game that should mean more than it really does. The Kansas City Chiefs actually invited the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS over to smoke the Piece pipe. They found that the GIANTS were about as unfriendly as a snake in the grass. Do you ever wonder if Matt Cassell wants a do over? He signed with the Chiefs to be their starting Quarterback, when he could have stayed on the bench in New England. Do you Ever Wonder if the Chiefs want a do over since they signed Todd Haley as a head coach?
Finals Score the Giants 27 the Chiefs 16. Could we get Herm Edwards Back?

Next we get to a game of importance. The Baltimore Ravens come to the home of the New England Patriots to see if they stack up. Well apparently they don’t. So again the Ravens come up short. This seems to be a theme with the Ravens, Coming up short in games of importance. It is never a dull moment in Boston as Tom Terrific and Bill Bellacheat win again.
Final Score Ravens 21 the Pats 27 Quote the Raven Nevermore…

Up next we find out how the Dolphins win their first game of the season. All it took was for Chad Pennington to get hurt. It looks like the great Tuna Cakes has found the answer. Earlier in the week Tuna cakes was over heard saying, “Look you have Ronnie Brown out there as your quarterback to fool the other team, but Teams are catching up on that now. So now let’s just get rid of Chad Pennington and then we should win. It probably didn’t hurt that they were playing the Bills.
Final Score the Bills 10 the Dolphins 38. Ha go back to Canada where you belong, eh!!

Now we get to the Dirtiest game of the week. A game played in such a dirty town, with such Dirty players in such a Dirty Stadium that it could only be called the Superdome in New Orleans. Dirty Mark Sanchez accounted for 14 points too bad it was points for the Aints… As he threw an interception that was ran back for a touchdown and fumbled in the endzone for another score. Dirty Reggie Bush rushed the ball 6 times for 37 yards with a long of 12 making his true stats 5 carries for 25 yards. Not bad except he did have a fumble as well… He did have 3 catches for 7 yards with a long 4 yards, making his true stats 2 catches for 3 yards. He also had a punt return of 22 yards. So for the week he had 10 touches for a total of 66 yards. Wow what production
Finals Score the JETS 10 the Aints 24. Who got the Dirty Sanchez this week???

Now we get to the last of the Sunday day games as the Dallas Cowgirls invaded the Denver Bronco’s for an epic rematch of the 77 Superbowl. Only this time the Cowgirls didn’t have a Heisman trophy winning quarterback. They still have an undrafted quarterback leading them. But where is he leading them? Turnover Tony was up to his old tricks again, and it is not even Thanksgiving yet. He had an interception and a fumble that turned into 14 points for the Bronco’s. Nice huh? And on the last play of the game he decides to run the same play he ran on the next to the last play of the game. Insanity is defined has doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.
Final score the Cowgirls 10 the Bronco’s 17. Who is insane now?

In the Sunday Night Game the Steelers had the San Diego Chargers come to town. Now what if we told you the losing team was out gained by almost double 251 to 497 and only ran 47 plays and only had the ball for 19 minutes? But they only lost by 10 points. Well that is what we had. The Steelers held the ball more than 40 minutes, and lead the game 28 to 0 before San Diego even got started. Talk about a game of 2 halves. The Chargers out scored the Steelers 28 to 10 in the last 22 minutes of the game but were outscored 28 to nothing in the first 38 minutes. Thank God this game was on Sunday Night so no one watched.
Final Score the Chargers 28 the Steelers 38. Are we done with Sunday night games yet?

And Finally on Monday night we had to endure the Circus that is Brett Favre and the Viqueens. They had the Packers on their schedule to play at home and this game had more hype than the invention of the wheel. We think the hype started when Brett Farve signed with the Viqueens some 7 weeks ago. And ESPN had to have this game because the coverage of the game started sometime around midnight on Sunday night. After the 19 hours of interviews speculation and hype, the game just couldn’t live up to it. It was not close. We give. We are crying uncle… Please no more. We can’t stand it any longer just give the NFL MVP, a Superbowl ring, a crown, the ring from the Pope and the Bones of Jimmy Hoffa to Brett Farve. Please rewrite the history books, making him the captain of the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria, the first mission to the moon, the pilot of the first space shuttle, the First Person to vote for Obama. Yes he is everything to everyone and he will never be forgotten, we Know that the game of football was invented just for him to play, he is so great he has played so long and owns so many records that we will never be able to mention them all here. At risk of being slapped by those who lie down in front of the great Brett Farve just to be walked on, we submit this question.
Final Score the Packers 23 the Viqueens 30. Why hasn’t Brett won more than 1 super bowl? Hell he is second on the on the all time Superbowl wins by a Packer quarterback, but to be fair he is one ahead of a dead man or Aaron Rogers.

Well that is it for this week. We sure do hope you enjoy this as much as we do putting it together. So until we do this next week.

And remember like we always say…

MaMa pajama rolled outa bed and she ran to the police station
When the PaPa found out he began to shout and he started the investigation
well it's against the law
it was against the law what the mama saw
it was against the law

the mama looked down and she spit on the ground every time the name gets mentioned
the papa said "oy if I get that boy I'm gonna stick him in the house of detention
well, I'm on my way I don't know where I'm going
but I'm on my way
I'm takin my time but I don't know where good-bye to Rosie the Queen of Corona
see you me and julio down by the school yard
see you me and julio down by the school yard

In a couple of days they come to take me away but the press let the story leak
and when the radical priest come to get me relased
well we was all on the cover of newsweek
well, I'm on my way I don't know where I'm going
but I'm on my way
I'm takin my time but I don't know where
good-bye to Rosie the Queen of Corona
see you me and julio down by the school yard
see you me and julio down by the school yard
see you me and julio down by the school yard

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 3

2009-09-30T05:15:00.000-07:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 3

Here we are; finally we are starting to see things in our tea leaves. Things are getting better for some teams and getting worse for others. After the first three weeks we find ourselves 1 week away from one fourth of the season being over. We guess it is time for us to get back on track as well. We are sorry for all the delays, but as you can see time marches on so gets get going before we find ourselves behind again. Expo Kick it.

Well, starting at the bottom we find the Cleveland Browns. Oh my goodness is this team in disarray? This is not funny. Any joke here would be in poor taste and currently the Mangenius is very confused. This is not confusing; the “Brown Stains” are scoring just under 10 points a game. They are giving up nearly 32 points a game, not good. Someone once said “When you find clothes with Brown Stains, that you can’t get out, you have to donate them to Goodwill.”
Final Score the Brown Stains 3 the Ravens 34. Thanks for the Quote Mom.

Staying on the bottom we find the Buccan game. This is also this week’s Crappy game on the Fox. Of coarse it was not crappy for the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS. Ellie came to play and it was obvious that the Bucs came to lay down and get walked on. The Buccaneers did their best impression of a welcome mat. Hideous doesn’t come close to a word that describes this game.
Final Score the NYFG 24 the Bucs0. Are we down to two bits an ear yet?

While we are still on the bottom we might as well talk about the crappy game on CBS. Well we have decided that Kansas City needs a few things let’s go over the list shall we? First off they need a new GM, Head Coach, Quarterback, offensive scheme, some defensive players, a new stadium to play in, Humm can we think of any thing else? Philadelphia Head Coach finally found his Quarterback Kevin Kolb. Who has the facts?
We have the facts. Name the first Quarterback in the history of the NFL to throw for more than 300 yards in his first 2 starts?
Final Score The Chiefs 14 the Beagles 34. The answer is Kevin Kolb. Look it up.

Up next we head to a town that has been ravaged by unemployment. The troubles of Detroit have been told till the News Outlets are blue in the face. The Most important stat to remember is that Detroit was 0 and 19. Until that is, Jim Zorn brought his team to town. For that all of Detroit is truly thankful. Hollywood could not have written a better script for this game. After the game Jim Zorn was asked how he felt about the game. “Well I am happy that Detroit won a game I am sad that it was against us.” “Do I think we could have played better??? Well I think so but I don’t think that this was the change people were looking for in Washington.” Well Coach here’s to you… Your team played to the level that we can only describe as one thing, this weeks Birth Canal Team of the week!!!
Final Score the Deadskins 14 the Lions 19. The Lions win a game. It’s been a long time since we could say that…

Staying close to the bottom we find the Raiders. This team has been looking like it just doesn’t know what game it is playing. Are the playing kick the Can, or guess how many fingers Al Davis is holding up behind his back? If they re playing kick the can then they need to quit being the can. Well this week the Bronco’s of all people came and kicked the cans of the Raiders. And now with head Coach Tom Cable under investigation for fighting with the assistant coaches nothing is going well. Can this season end fast enough for Al Davis?
Final Score the Bronco’s 23 the Raiders 3. At least they scored 3 points?

Next up we go to the State of misery. Home to the some of the worst football in the league, other than possibly Montana there may not be a state with worse professional Football. This state sports the never do well Chiefs and the Ewes. This week even Ewes Quarterback Mark Bulger couldn’t stand it any longer, and like a guy on hold at he suicide prevention hotline, he just gave up. When he laid down at the end of the first quarter and the packers fell on him. It bruised his shoulder so bad that he had to leave the game. Then Coach Steve Spagnuolo looked around and all he found was Kyle Boller to put in the game. Well you can imagine what happened after that.
Final Score the Packers 36 the Ewes 17. Hey 17 points is far better than the 7 up till now.

Well moving on to a better place, but not by much we head for Houston. Like the joke says, do you know why Texas doesn’t float off into the Gulf of Mexico? Because Houston Sucks. We know all the troubles they have had in the last couple of years; do you think that they want Age Rosenfels back? The only thing consistent about Matt Schuab is his inconsistency. Thanks again for nothing. Well we guess Jack Del Rio saved his job for one more week. Let’s see how long this will last.
Final score the Jags 31 the Texans 24. Hank Hill is not happy with you Matt Schuab.

Well we have gone through 7 games and have not found a reason to talk about Brett Favre. But we should get it over with. This game was the exact reason Brad Childress asked him to play in Minnesota. This is absolutely ridiculous. Well it is still early in the season. And we saw the same thing last year when he wore green, but the Viqueens are 3 and 0 and we are waiting for the fall we know it will come.
Final Score the 49ers 24 the Viqueens 27. Any more late game heroics and we might puke

Now to the game where we find out, who is Boston’s favorite son? Is it the great Boston Bullet, Matt Ryan, or Tom Terrific Brady? Right now the Vote goes to Tom terrific but it will not be too long before the Boston Bullet is up there. Some of the consistency is coming back to the Pats as they scored 13 points in each half, while allowing only 10 in the first. But we are not sure that all the rust is off of Tom Terrific but he finally got into the endzone. The Boston Bullet will ride again, but right now it is hard to throw Tom terrific off the mantle.
Final Score the Falldowns 10 the Pats 26. Bill Bellacheat is happy today, for a second.

Wow what has happened to the Tennessee Titans? They are 0 and 3 and are not looking good. Did Kerry Collins lose his mind? Is he doing his best Matt Leinart impression? Well his line reads like a poorly typed article on Greatest Jewish Sports heroes, (and we don’t mean the sandwich) 15 of 37 for 170 yards 1 touchdown and 2 interceptions. And he was sacked 2 times losing another 11 yards, not good at all. The
J E T S gave the Dirty Sanchez to another team and they are 3 and 0
Final Score the Titans 17 the J E T S 24. Gosh we feel like Kevin Arnold now.

Okay a little trivia question for you… What is Punt, TD, Punt, Punt, Punt, Punt, INT, Punt, Punt, Punt Downs, Punt equal? Not sure? Well “We are just going with the plays that were called” “Whether I like them or don’t.” huh I guess we know what our answer is… Do you?
The Final Score the Saints 27 the Bills 7 This is the Bill Offensive production. An Oxymoron?

Well next we have to travel up to the great state of confusion, we mean Washington. Huh the state not the capitol. Here in Washington, the people can enjoy the great outdoors, full of the tranquil wilderness, and animals native to the land, like Deer and Da Bears, and the Shehawks. Apparently Head Coach Jim Mora is seeing all too often the fact that his team the Seattle Shehawks are playing to the level they played at last season, when they won like 4 games. Seneca Wallace is playing like a can of Fresca, (Kind of cool to say but the results leave a bad taste in your mouth). After the game Jim Mora told anyone who would listen that his team would not fight and kick and scratch and work to be in the game only to let a kicker lose it for him. Thanks God someone is calling out the defense, because his kicker missed 2 field goals, 1 in the first half and one in the second.
Final Score Da Bears 25 the Shehawks 19. Hey Coach go back to sleep we will wake you if you team does anything exciting again.

Okay quick question What do you call a team that wins the time of possession by nine minutes, has 100 more yards in total offense, has 3 fewer punts, and 1 less penalty? Answer: A loser, which is what the Steelers were on Sunday. They went to Cincinnati and lost of all places. Pittsburg had not lost in Cincinnati since like the Clinton administration but when they decide not to play in the fourth quarter they left the game to the Ben-Gals and they drove the ball to scores twice to win the game. So now who is on the bottom of the AFC North Division? Well it is Cleveland but only by one game.
Final Score the Steelers 20 the Ben-Gals 23. Holy Cow is Marvin Lewis a genius? Not... Just wait he will screw this up as well…

Is Tuna Cakes pissed now? Not only did his team have to travel all the way to San Diego but then they had to play a game. They didn’t get to go to Sea World, they didn’t get to go to the Zoo, and they did however get to watch Eric Weddle run an interception back for a score. Chad “the Bad Penny” Pennington left the game with and injury and is now out for the season, but honestly when was he in. We mean he is Chad Pennington for Gods sakes a journeyman at best. It looks as if Tuna Cakes liked him in as much as he could like any quarterback, which probably means he hated him only a little.
Final Score the Dol-Pins 13 the Chargers 23. Here comes the Savior, Tyler “the Pigpen” Thigpen in a trade. This should be interesting.

And lastly on Sunday night we find the Superbowl loser Ari-Freaking-zona Cardinals hosting the Colts. Indy coming off the performance last week where they had the ball less than 15 minutes and still won the game found themselves in the hostile home of the fighting Cardinals, What? Who is writing this crap? The hostile home of the Cardinals?? Who would even believe that? One thing for sure if Matt Leinart played then the Cardinals were having a tough time of it, let us look… And yes he was 2 for 2 for 7 yards, what 2 swing passes or was one of them the dreaded shovel pass?
Final Score the Colts 31 the Cardinals 10. Now this is more like it. Cardinals Lose!!!

And Finally a Monday night game at Jerry world. You know we got to thinking about this new stadium and thought that if a family of 4 couldn’t get to the game for $400.00 then how much money was Jerry getting per game. So let’s just say that if, on the average, a person spends $125.00 at the game, and this game and the first game they had about 190,000 people in attendance. That means that in the first 2 games Jerry has put huh okay, carry the one, and then 4 + 5 = 9 and then you add a couple of zero’s , well that adds up to a lot of money and that is still not enough to pay for Turnover Tony Romo’s interception habit.
Final Score the Panthers 7 the Cowboys 21. For those wondering that is $23,750,000.00 just a drop in the bucket.

Well that should wrap up another week for us and we again are sorry about the delay in getting this started, you can scroll down and find the first 2 installments if you like…

And remember like we always say…

Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she's gone.

Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Ah... Ah...

Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain,
Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies.
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers,
That grow so incredibly high.
Newspaper taxis appear on the shore,
Waiting to take you away.
Climb in the back with your head in the clouds,
And you're gone.

Picture yourself on a train in a station,
With plasticine porters with looking glass ties.
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile,
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 2

2009-09-29T05:30:00.000-07:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 2

Well here we are again week 2 and behind. We are trying to get back on the good foot. Getting on the good foot is what half of the teams were trying to do this week as well. So here we go. Ready or not. Expo do that thing you do so well…

First up as customary let’s start at the bottom, and this week the bottom happens to be Denver, and why not have you ever been to Colorado. It has lots of mountains but not much else unless you like skiing. We don’t like skiing so there is nothing there for us right. Apparently there is nothing there for Cleveland either. The Browns arrived with lots of Fan fare, but we don’t think anyone noticed. Eric Mangenius is trying to make the Browns into contenders, not working out for him or his team. So far he can’t seem to get out of first gear. But he did win one thing this week… The Birth Canal team of the week. Congrats we hope you enjoy it.
Final Score the Browns 6 whole points this week the Bronco’s 27. Another week to think about it Mangenius.

Staying on the Bottom we find this weeks Crappy game on Fox. How the Hell did this game get played? Really these two teams should never be on the same field together again. You know how sometimes when two bad teams get together something great happens? Well this time two bad teams got together and something terrible happened. If there was ever a reason for a coach to be fired they should watch this game tape, better yet, just burn the tape.
The Final Score the Ewes 7 the Deadskins 9. We are embarrassed about this. Sorry…

Not moving up to far we find the crappy game on CBS. Good Lord how does this happen? These 2 clunker teams would not garner .45 cents much less $4500.00. How does the schedule maker sleep at night??? How did they, in their right mind, schedule this game with the above game on the schedule? Well, the better question would be how did these 2 games sellout? That is beyond us.
Final Score the Raiders 13 the Chiefs 10. OMG OMG OMG. Enough said.

Can we please get to a game that has some panache? Well we find ourselves in Atlanta only to find the Carolina Panthers. The Panthers are really just fooling themselves these days. They think that they have a chance to win a game. It is not like they are playing the Lions they are playing the Falcons. So the rough and tough NFC south battle just turned into the Falcons swooping down from the sky and spanking the behind of the Panthers. Not much else to say except…
Final Score the Panther 20 the Falcons 28… in a word YUCK…

Four games into the week and we have not talked about Brett Farve yet, so let’s talk about him now. The Viqueens are on sort of a roll, they hand the ball off to Adrian Peterson and don’t let Brett Farve throw it very much, Thanks god they were playing the Lions. The Viqueens decided to give the Lions a 10 point lead then kicked it into gear, scored 27 before they quit.
Final Score the Viqueens 27 the Lions 13. Okay 0 and 19 when will it end?

Alright let’s get to a game that was a little more excitement. Earlier we talked about how sometime two mediocre teams get together and something exciting happens? Well the Bengals came to Green Bay and found some excitement. Is Marvin Lewis a genius or what? Don’t you just love when a coach finally figures it out? Nice going Coach Lewis your team figured out that the game is 60 minutes and you have to play them all.
Final Score the Ben-Gals 31 the Packers 24. Does any one else like it when the Packers lose?

Well the next game we find something very interesting. The Ari-Freaking-zona Cardinals were looking for a little rest for Quarterback Kurt Warner. Thank goodness they were playing Jacksonville. The Jaguars are just looking for a reason to fire head coach Jack Del Rio. It should NOT be too long now. Back to the Cardinals finally Matt Leinart made it on to the field in a regular season game. 3 for 6 for 22 yards, USC fans must be jumping for joy, jumping for joy that he is no longer at USC.
Final Score the Cardinals 31 the Jaguars 17. The Cardinals win? When will the madness end?

Up next we head to city of brotherly shove. The Beagles seem like a fitting name for the team with Michael Vick. This week the Saints showed up with some shoving on their minds. The Great REGGIE BUSH played in this game and what a game he had. 10 rushes for 33 whole yards is well in word, huh Pedestrian at best. Does that count as one word? He did have one carry for 19 yards which makes his true stats 9 carries for 14 yards. He had 3 catches for 42 yards with a long of 29 making his true stats 2 catches for 13. Drew Brees threw for 300 yards and 3 touchdowns which was enough to win.
Final Score the Saints 48 the Beagles 22. Is there anything else to say?

Here we go again with the Houston team taking on the former Houston team, only this time it was a little different. Houston won. There are lots of lessons to learn from Football. Like which is the best team is on any given day, like discipline, friendships, but the most important lesson to learn here is: When Houston scores more points than their opponents they win. When they don’t they lose.
Final Score the Texans 34 the Titans 31. Pretty easy huh?

Well the Shehawks got a kitchen pass to get out of the house and found their way to the Bay of San Francisco. After they did some seal watching and took in a Giants game, they realized that they had a game to play as well. It was too late though. They never had chance especially since Matt Hasselbeck left early. The 49ers flexed a little muscle, but it only took a little muscle to beat the Shehawks.
Final Score the Shehawks 10 the 49ers 23. Is Coach Singletary still too small?

If anyone was wondering where Terrell Owens is playing wonder no more he is in Canada playing with the Bills. What? Sure it is. Well yea. That’s where the Falls are. Yea that is not Canada? Are you sure, because we really don’t care about Canada. And we don’t want to talk about Canada. Well sure we brought it up but that was because we thought that we could talk about T.O. okay well then. NEVERMIND. For those of you that were wondering where T.O. is? He is in Buffalo the Canada of the NFL.
Final Score the Bucs 20 the Bills 33. 1 Catch for 13 yards. No wonder we can’t find him.

Okay, we know the Steelers play the game so slowly it just puts us to sleep. However this week when the Kicker Jeff Reed ran out on the field to kick a field goal to push the Steeler lead to 10 points he missed. Then Da Bears drove to a game tying touchdown. Then the Steelers ran Kicker Jeff Reed out again to win the game with 3:18 left and he missed again. Then Da Bears drove to kick the winning field goal
Final score the Steelers 14 Da Bears 17. HA HA HA HA.

There was a game in San Diego that showed us that Norv Turner may have lost it. Okay you are starting at you own 27 yard line with 2:48 to go in the game, the classic two minute drill. With only :57 seconds to go you are 1st down on the Baltimore 23. On fourth and 2 from the Baltimore 15 you decide to run Darrin Sproles who has rushed 9 times for 31 yards all day. Humm he didn’t make it in fact he loses 5 yards because somehow in this blocking scheme you don’t account for the middle linebacker.
Final Score the Ravens 33 the Chargers 26. Who doesn’t block Ray Lewis on a running play?

Finally the game of the day during the day??? New York Head Coach Rex Ryan decided that he would talk trash to Bill Bellacheat and the New England Patriots. Well it worked the Pats couldn’t get anything going in the red zone except field goals and as you know field goals don’t win games unless you are Da Bears… See Above… Well maybe Tom Terrific needs more than one game to get the rust off after a year off. Too bad the New York Jets gave the Patriots a Dirty Sanchez and the loss, first time in New York in 8 years.
Final Score the Pats 9 the J E T S 16. Not much to cheer about but a win is a win.

Now to the Sunday night extravaganza. How in the Hell can anyone watch the Sunday night game with that clown Chris Collinsworth? This game was mired with turnovers, porous defense, and Wade Phillips, not to mention Al Michaels and Collinsworth. Just a few notes about the game Turnover Tony Romo reared his ugly head again. 3 interceptions were just awful. Now to put this into perspective throughout his pro career Tony has thrown 1.195 interceptions per game. Which also means he throws a little over one per game if you follow the math? Ellie Manning played well enough to win.
Final Score the Giants 33 the Cowgirls 31. Not good to soil Jerry world like that.

Finally we find the other Manning coming to Miami for a little fun and a little fun was all he could have. With less than 15 minutes of offense the Colts were in Dire Straits this week. But Playing the Dolphins allowed them the chance poke the Tuna Cakes. And they did. Head Coach Tony Sparano was told to control the game by running the ball, which they did. Only they didn’t score. It is nice to hold the ball for 45 minutes but the object here to score more points than the other guys okay?
Final Score the Colts 27 the Dolphins 23. How far from grace will you have to go to be considered average?

Okay well that will do it again. We promise we will get this out a little earlier next week, again sorry for the delay..

And Remember like we always say…

Live baby live
Now that the day is over
I got a new sensation
In perfect moments
Impossible to refuse

Sleep baby sleep
Now that the night is over
And the sun comes like a god
Into our room
All perfect light and promises
Gotta hold on you
A new sensation
A new sensation
Right now
Gonna take you over
A new sensation
A new sensation

Dream baby dream
Of all that's come and going
And you will find out
In the end
There really is
There really is no difference

Cry baby cry
When you've got to get it out
I'll be your shoulder
You can tell me all
Don't keep it in ya
Well that's the reason why I'm here
Are you ready for a new sensation
A new sensation
Right nowGonna take you on a new sensation
A new sensation

Hate baby hate
When there's nothing left for you
You're only human
What can you do
It'll soon be over
Don't let your pain take over you
Love baby love
It's written all over your face
There's nothing better we could do
Than live forever
Well that's all we've got to do
Hey now I'm gonna take a new sensation
A new sensation

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 1

2009-09-23T12:43:00.002-07:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 1 2009

Welcome back to those of you who has been here before and for those that have not been here before, welcome to you as well. Here on the stroll we add what we hope is a satirical look at the NFL Games We hope you enjoy. Since this is Week one we will offer up 16 games for you so with no further ad due let’s get going… Expo Kick It

First up we find ourselves in Pittsburg the Superbowl Champions. Thank God this game was on during the night because it was boring. We fell asleep at halftime, this is the same story as last year Al Michaels is good and Chris Collinsworth just sucks. Why he has a job talking is beyond us. Oh yea Pittsburg wins again they lull you to sleep and kick a field goal to win…
Final score the Titans 10 the Steelers 13. The more things change the more they stay the same...

Up next we travel to a little place on Sunday know for huh??? Well nothing really. The Cincinnati Bengals have been trying to get back on the NFL map since their Quarterback went down with a knee injury several years ago. Carson Palmers had what some would consider a decent game, but 2 interceptions are not good… And so it goes, this weeks Crappy game on CBS turned into something exciting the last 3 minutes. Football is a game of inches; apparently it is a game of hands as well because if Cornerback Leon Hall had hit the ball with his left hand it most likely would have fluttered to the ground out of bounds. But as it was his right hand knocked it back into the field and Brandon Stokley found the ball and no one who could catch him.
Final Score the Bronco’s 12 the Ben-Gals 7… Ben-gals Lose who didn’t know that was going happen?

Okay so next we find things in the great Northwest. How this game could slip past consciousness is unbelievable. Did anyone know this game was even on? Did anyone even care? Up in the Seattle where the men are Men and the Ship a scared it wasn’t really fair the Rams to try and play there. This could be a long year for new Ewes Steve Spagnola but rest assured he has one thing this year, this Weeks Birth Canal Team of the Week.
Final Score the Ewes 0 the Shehawks 28. Hip Hip Hoonot…

As we start at the bottom we find ourselves in Atlanta. The Dolphins are the next team to be taken by the Tuna Cakes to the playoffs his first year then fall completely on their face next year. Whoever has picked the Dolphins to win more that 5 games would be crazy. The Boston Bullet Matt Ryan continues his rise and why not he now has a tight end to throw to with Tony Gonzalez. So the sky is the limit for the Falcons, we will see how far they will fly.
Final score the Dolphins 7 the Falcons 19. Big Tuna Cakes is not going to be happy…

Up next as we continue up the ladder the find New Orleans inviting the winless Lions to town. This was a showcase for Drew Brees, and he showed us all why he was a great addition a couple of years ago. Now New Orleans is also the home of who has been called the greatest running back of all time: One REGGIE BUSH. Let’s take a look at his stats for the day; he had 7 rushes for 14 yards with a long of 10 making his true stats 6 carries for 4 yards. Not too good and he had a fumble. He also caught 5 passes for 55 yards but with a long of 26 yards it makes his true stats 4 catches for 29 yard still 7 yards per catch, except that he had a fumble as well.
Final score the Lions 27 the Saints 45. Thanks God Drew had a career day.

Okay so next we travel to Baltimore home of the Ravens. Kansas City came to town with hopes and dreams of changing their recent behaviors under Herm Edwards. New Coach Todd Haley Fresh off a season where he led the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals to the Super bowl just couldn’t work any magic with this Chiefs team so far. So again the theme for the week new season same results.
Final Score the Chiefs 24 the Ravens 38. The More things change the more they stay the same.

Next we slide down the coast a little and find the Carolina Panthers inviting the Eagles of Philadelphia to town. The Eagles fresh off the signing of Michael Vick came to town intent on proving that it was not a bad decision. So with Michael in the owner’s box, Donavan McNabb went to work, throwing 2 touchdowns and an interception before he left the game with a broken rib. Head coach Andy Reid started looking around for a Quarterback to replace the injured McNabb, but all he found was Kevin Kolb. After the game Reid was asked if Kolb would be the starter next week in McNabb’s absence. “Kolb who? I thought we had Michael Vick as our backup quarterback?” Not yet Coach but he will be in a couple of weeks.
Finals Score Eagles 38 the Panthers 10. Way to prepare for McNabb’s injury.

Now we get to the match up that the entire NFL was looking forward too. The Viqueens vs. the Browns. Brett Favre’s old coach vs. Brett Favre’s new coach. As the pundits have said since the return of Farve this would be the game to see if Brett Farve can still play in the NFL. Thank God the Viqueens didn’t have to rely on the Brett Farve to make any plays. Adrian Peterson ran like the wind through the tree’s (nothing to stop him) and Brett Farve contributed 110 yards on 14 of 21 passes. Well maybe next week someone will tackle Peterson and we will see if Brett Farve is still Green Bay Brett Farve or New York Jet Brett Farve.
Final Score the Viqueens 34 the Browns 20. Brett Farve Brett Farve Brett Farve…

Next we travel south to find Houston in a tussle with the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets. Armed with a new quarterback and a new coach the Jets are looking to be a force in the AFC East this year. If they could only play Houston a few more time they might have a shot. Houston, for some reason, is stuck with Matt Schuab at quarterback he was a stellar 18 for 33 for 166 yards no touchdowns and one interception. Not good numbers, poor Houston everyone was expecting them to compete this year, now not so much...
Final Score the J-E-T-S 24 Houston 7. Houston we have a problem…

Okay let’s go to Indianapolis to find the Jacksonville Jaguars coming to town with hope. Gloom, despair, and agony on them if it weren’t for bad luck they have no luck at all, says Jack Del Rio. Well bad luck is not good if that is all you have, and that’s the way it appears. Indy rolled to another win mainly because of the Quarterback with the laser arm.
Final Score the Jaguars 12 the Colts 14. At least they kept it close.

Next we head to Ari-Freaking-Zona and find that the more things change the more they stay the same. The Cardinals Lose. Well things are the way they should be right? Some things in the world are constant, Death Taxes, and the Cardinals suck right?
Let us just say to watch out for those 49ers, they may have lightning in a bottle with their coach Mike Singletary, but like they have been saying for years he is probably too short to be great right?
Final Score the 49ers 20 the Cardinals 16. It seems like the world is back to right now.

Up next we head to Bay of Tampa for a little game with the Cowboys. Turn over Tony Romo actually held on to the ball this week and found a couple of receivers for some long gains, and Byron Leftwich just sucked. Is anyone else convinced that this is heading down a path? Now the path may or may not be a good one, but you will have to decide because we already have. And what we have decided is that the Buccaneers are down to 3 for a dollar...
Final Score the Cowboys 34 Tampa 21. Oh my goodness.

Last game on the schedule for Sunday day is found as the New York Football Giants had the Washington Deadskins come to town. This was not a good time, this game had all the excitement of a sock washing day. They looked as if they were beating each others on a rock for a while then just wondered around. Honestly we fell asleep during this snooze fest...
Final Score the Deadskins 17 the Giants 23. is this one over yet?

Finally the game we have been waiting for Sunday night Football the Green Bay Packers and Da Bears. Isn’t it funny how Yogi Bear always gets over on the park Ranger? Wouldn’t it be funny if the park ranger could catch Yogi with his pants down? Welcome to Sunday night Jay Cutler did his best to pull his own pants down by throwing 4 interceptions and handing the Packers the win. Da Bears had more yards; more first downs more time of possession fewer punts, fewer penalties, and fewer points. Not good.
Final Score Da Bears 15 the Packers 21, Hey Cutler pull your pants up better luck next week.

First on Monday? First on Monday, Oh yea this is the week that ESPN has 2 games. Well in this one the Patriots invited the Buffalo Bills to Boston for some Chowder. This was a great game visually if you like the old uniforms especially the helmets. If you like watching the Buffalo on the plain white background this was your game. If you liked the Patriot snapping the ball then this was your game. If you like watching Tom Brady lead his team to a game wining touchdown in the final minutes of a game and making it look easy then this was your game.
Final Score the Bills 24 the Pats 25. When Ifs and but are candy and nuts we will all have a merry Christmas…

Finally the last game of the week the Raiders and the Chargers squared off in classic AFL West battle. Too bad this game as a lot like the old AFL it was on when hardly anyone could watch it. Why in the world would the NFL schedule a game to start 10:30 PM EST. not that EST is great, but then that makes it 9:30 in CST. Well we liked the uniforms, from what we could tell from the highlights, but far too late for us to watch.
Final Score the Chargers 24 the Raiders 20. Wonder if Al Davis was still awake for this?

Well that is it for this week again Sorry for the delay we will get them out faster…

And remember like we always say…..

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Another aeroplane
Another sunny placeI’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm,

I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

2009-09-23T12:43:00.001-07:00

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Superbowl

2009-02-05T05:53:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2008 Superbowl

Well here we are, the final game, on the most exciting stage. This was a game for all the ages, until the next game for all the ages. Well we had our ribs cooked and our sausage balls in the crock pot, and the Cheesy potatoes ready. We are all set, are you??? So let’s get to the game so one more time Expo kick it…

Well in the first quarter we had our plate loaded up, so let’s take a look. Do we really need two Anthems? We mean Faith Hill is okay to look at, but her and a choir to sing America the Beautiful? Okay we guess that is okay but don’t we have the coin toss? Well the National Anthem is great by Jennifer Hudson, okay can we have the coin toss now, my potatoes are getting cold. AH yes the coin toss and who should do that? General David Petraeus? Doesn’t he have something better to do? Shouldn’t he be thinking up ways to get our troops to Afghanistan? But okay flip the Damn coin please. Oh wait let’s introduce Lynn Swan… Lynn Swann? Sure why not that is what we need another Pittsburg Steeler Fan on the field. Hell why don’t we get Terry Bradshaw, Franco Harris and Chuck Noll? Maybe the best thing for the NFL to do is find former players for teams other than the two playing. We thought it was kind of humorous that the NFL couldn’t find any one that played for the Cardinals that were still alive, so they got Roger Craig. Roger Craig but he was a 49er right? Well okay can you just flip the damn coin? Heads always wins but tails never fails right? Okay finally the Steelers lose something and Cardinals get to decide if they put their high powered offense on the field first. But then they take the ball in the second half, great… Okay now the kickoff….. Huh no… First let’s introduce the flight crew of the US airlines plane that landed in the Hudson River. Nice move not to kill people but is it just us or is that the pilot’s job. Okay now the kick off. Finally the game started. Wait time for a commercial first. Good Lord we waited for 30 minutes to see a Hyundai commercial, our word for it, terrible.

Finally the kick off and the Steelers come out on the field, then a pass to Hines Ward for 38 yards and then Big Ben rushed to the goal line and the officials on the field called it a touchdown. However after further review the Steelers have 6 points pulled off the board and have to settle for an 18 yard field goal. Okay let’s see that high powered offense of the Cardinals. Well 3:26 minutes in the first quarter is not much of high powered offense. 3 yards? Oh no the Real Cardinals showed up, this is going to be terrible. Pittsburg gets the ball back and drives till the end of the quarter.
End of the first quarter the Steelers 3 the Cardinals 0. The Steelers are driving.

The start of the second Quarter finds Pittsburg at the Arizona 5 yard line and two plays later the score is now 10 to nothing. Great 134 yards for the Steelers and 3 for Cardinals, could it be more one sided? We hope this is not going to continue. Finally the Cardinals offense gets going and they drive 83 yards in 9 plays finally we might have a game. As long as the Cardinals defense can hold up. So the Steelers run 7 more plays in the Quarter for 18 yards. Well we guess that the Cardinals Defense held up. And then it happened. Big Ben threw an interception and the Cardinals were heading in for the go ahead touchdown and then it happened. The Cardinals finally showed up in Tampa. While on the sidelines during a time out Kurt Warner, Matt Leinart and Coach Whisenhunt were heard discussing play selection: Kurt asked “What do you think we should do here?” Matt replied “Man if it was me in college I think we should hand the ball off to Reggie Bush and let him do it. So if he fails it will not make me look bad.” As the Coach and Kurt were looking at each other confused Coach Whisenhunt said “We have a few options here we can: A. Take Matt’s suggestion, but we don’t have Reggie Bush so that might not be a good idea. B. Kick the Field Goal to tie the game. Or C. Kneel down and let the clock run out.” “Now, look I have never been in this situation before and I am little nervous.” Well Kurt shook his head as he ran back on to the field and had another option in mind. He threw the ball to Pittsburg linebacker James Harrison who ran the ball back 100 yards for a touchdown as the first half expired.
End of the first half the Steelers 17 the Cardinals 7. Who knew about option D?

Now on to the halftime show, what the hell was that? Well we are not a fan of the boss. And just between you and us, the only think that could be worse than Bruce Springsteen signing is being the coach of the Archery team at a school for the blind. We can’t even talk about the show. We guess that if this guy is from New Jersey then he should stay there. Damn who thought Janet Jackson would ruin the 2009 Super Bowl show? When does the second half kick off? Oh yea and changing the words to Glory Days while cute was so typical and lowest Common denominator, even that sucked and that was one song we could stand. Hey Bruce thanks for nothing. Next year why doesn’t the NFL just have a couple of Elvis impersonators sing “you aint nothing but a hound dog.” for 12 minutes?

Well here comes the third quarter finally. The Cardinals start the third quarter with the ball and no luck. They started 7 plays for 27 yards and a punt. Then we watched as Pittsburg drove 79 yards to kick a field goal. After the kickoff the Cardinals showed us exactly why they should not be at the big game by running 6 plays for 10 yards. Were they there to watch? Well if that doesn’t say it all we don’t know what will.
End of the Third Quarter the Steelers 20 the Cardinals 7. Our own family asked “Dad if the Cardinals don’t win will they get to play in another Superbowl?” “Well” we replied, they haven’t let the Viqueens, the Bills, or the Bungels back in the Superbowl yet.”

On to the Forth Quarter and even the commercials are not enough to keep our brother interested. He was fed up with John Madden as the entire nation was, we think. Thank God nothing else will be coming out of his Pie hole like vomit coming out of a 6 month old puppy that just ate the electrical cord from the living room lamp. Hey John Madden stick to what you do best, riding a bus. What? Oh yea the game… well the forth quarter starts with an exchange of punts, not like Christmas or some other gift exchange holiday. Okay well the Cardinals get the ball with about 11:30 to go and start to drive. What the Hell? Where has this been all night? They get to the Steeler 10; well this might just turn into something. And we have a touchdown, Remarkable. The Cardinals score a touchdown to make the score 20 to 14. And there is still plenty of time. The Next time the Steeler get the ball they drive for 14 yards on first and third down… But Big Dumb Ben took a sack that lost 10 so it was only a net of 4 yards and they punt again. Is anyone seeing a pattern here? The Cardinals drive stalls and they punt as well, only this time they leave the ball on the Pittsburg 1 yard line. Now we aren’t all together sure that “Fast Willie Parker made it out of the endzone on second down, but on third down Pittsburg gets called for a holding penalty in the Endzone giving the Cardinals 2 points and new life. After the free kick the Cardinals find Larry Fitzgerald open in the middle of the field for a 64 yard touchdown. And you can hear half the world cheering and the other half start to cry, because the Cardinals left 2:37 on the clock and they are the Cardinals. And then the Santonio Holmes show starts and doesn’t end until the greatest catch in the history of the Superbowl is made. No he didn’t reach behind while running and catch the ball with one hand like Max McGee did in the first super bowl, no it wasn’t like when Lynn Swann seemed to run in mid air to catch the ball over Mark Washington in Superbowl 10. It wasn’t even like when David Tyree caught the ball on his helmet in Superbowl 42. What is was like is when you are out in the street in front of your house and your dad throws a terrible pass and you leap up and catch it, and when you come down both feet hit the ground before you fall over a trash can and skin your knee on the sidewalk. Yea kind of like that, great but not the greatest of all time. And with 35 seconds left and after a final review the Steelers win the game.
Final Score was Steelers 27 the Cardinals 23 Didn’t we all know that this was going to happen?

So that about does it let’s take a little inventory. The Steelers Win the Cardinals lose, the Cowgirls, the Packers, and the Redskins didn’t make the playoffs. Some coaches have been fired and some have kept their jobs for some reason and others have been fired then hired somewhere else. But that is for another day. We only hope that you have enjoyed this season as much as we have.

And remember like we always say….

She was staring out the window
Of their SUV
Complaining, saying,I cant wait to turn 18
She said, "I'll make my own money"
And I'll make my own rules"
Mama put the car in park
Out there in front of the school
And she kissed her head
And said 'I was just like you"

You're going to miss this
You're going to want this back
You're going to wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're going to miss this

Before she knows it
She's a brand new bride
In her one bedroom apartment
And her daddy stops by
He tells her "It's a nice place"
She says "It'll do for now"
Starts talking about babies
And buying a house
Daddy shakes his headA
nd says "Baby just slow down"

Cause You're going to miss this
You're going to want this back
You're going to wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're going to miss this

Five years later
There's a plumber
Working on the water heater
Dogs barking, phones ringing
One kids crying, one kids screaming
She keeps apologizing
He says "They don't bother me.
I've got two babies of my own.
One's 36, one's 23.
It's hard to believe..."

But You're going to miss this
You're going to want this back
You're going to wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're going to miss this
You're going to miss this
Yeah you're going to miss this

Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard 2008 Championship weekend

2009-01-22T07:13:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2008 Conference Championship

And then there were 2. We started with 32 but that was 19 weeks ago. It is kind of sad right? Well we had to weed out the pretenders like the Raiders, the Chiefs, the Packers and the Cowgirls. Then we got to the payoff of the season the Playoffs, and then we still had some teams that thought the best thing was to just get to there. Say goodbye to you, Atlanta, Miami, Indy, and the WCNYFG. Expo let’s get to it.

First up we will head to Ari-Freaking-Zona to find a game for the birds. The Eagles and Cardinals turned into a magical battle. After the Cardinals scored 3 touchdowns in the first half, we were worried that the real Cardinals would show up and then the second half started. Donovan McNabb started the second half by passing the ball and having his receivers drop it, all but Eagles tight end Brent Celek. Then during a Cardinal possession in the third quarter Donovan was heard singing to the receiver coach on the sidelines “A tisket, a taskat another drop by Hank Baskett” “If this continues, do you know what will happen? We will lose another championship game.” So even with all the dropped passes the Eagles tried to make a game of it and did actually take the lead on a touchdown pass that could be possibly be the best catch we have ever seen. Did you see it? DeSean Jackson tapped the ball up (While Sprinting down the field) batted it off his facemask, then juggled it again, then finally got it in his hands, then ran into the endzone. In the second half the Eagles scored 19 points in 8 minutes (It would have been 20 but David Ackers missed an extra point) while the Cardinals well… became the Cardinals again 12 plays for 24 yards and 3 punts. Very nice… Not!!! So just when we knew that the Eagles were going to Superbowl they turned back into the Eagles of old and allowed Kurt Warner to drive for the winning touchdown and the Cardinals Win the game. Did you hear that? The Cardinals win the game. Thanks you for nothing Philadelphia, you gave us Freedom Hall, the Liberty Bell and a record in NFC Championship games like no other, 1 and 4. You deserve far less than anything we could give you but here’s this week’s Birth canal Team of the week.
Final Score the Beagles 25 the Cardinals 32. Oh my Lord the Freaking Cardinals are in the Superbowl.

Up next we get the AFC Championship game. This game turned into what could be described a defensive battle. This was the third time that the Ravens and Steelers had met this year and this game was just like the others, a hard hitting game with lots of punishment being doled out on both sides. There is nothing like the site of punter running out on the field to determine field position to make us giddy with excitement. Not much else to say except the site of Sam Koch running on the field to punt the ball is going to drive us crazy. 7 times on the end of 15 Raven drives Koch did come out and put his talents on display. But seeing Mitch Berger was not much better. Watching him finish off a Pittsburg drive 7 out of 14 times was just about as boring. We mean we enjoying watching a skills competition as much as the next guy, but come on… There were only 6 scoring drives in all. Not too spectacular if you ask us. Defense is one thing but this was more like watching Sisyphus push his rock up the hill, never quite getting to the top. But like a good boy we tuned in just to find out what happens. Hey, Lima Sweed, (Pittsburg Receiver) God don’t like ugly. Your hit was something that you probably learned from Hines Ward and you see where he ended up right? On the sidelines hurt. We are all for hard hits but the blind shot block is just short of Chicken S***. But that doesn’t even get close to the Biggest Chicken S*** moment of the game. That goes to the wonderful Stadium announcers. Just a tip for you… When there is a player down and the trainer is out checking him out. STOP PLAYING MUSIC!!! There is no need to have rock concert to break out. We guess there is nothing like being laid out on the ground with “Down on the Corner” blasting on every speaker… Horrendous, insensitive, incredulous, are the words that come to mind. Just a tip for all the kids out there strolling, keep you head up at all times, weather you delivering a blow, or running with the ball, or trying to walk through a hallway in high school. Well we were bored again by a Steelers game, we wish that a team with a little more personality was going to the Super Bowl.
Final Score the Ravens 14 the Steelers 23. Quote the Ravens nevermore, this season…

Okay so well there it is. One more game and we have two weeks to get ready. Get all your plans in order, invite the friends over, this is going to be great. The Steelers against the Cardinals, is that what we really wanted to see? We don’t think so. But it is what we have. So at least we can get ready for the commercials right?

And remember like we always say…

A-tisket a-tasket
A brown-and-yellow basket
I send a letter to my mommie
On the way I dropped it
I dropped it, I dropped it
Yes, on the way I dropped it
A little girlie picked it up
And put it in her pocket
She was truckin' on down the avenue
Without a single thing to do
She was peck, peck, peckin' all around
When she spied it on the ground
She took it, she took it
My yellow basket
And if she doesn't bring it backI think that I will die
A-tisket a-tasket
I lost my yellow basket
And if that girlie don't return it
I don't know what I'll do
(Was it red?) No, no, no, no
(Was it brown?) No, no, no, no
(Was it blue?) No, no, no, no
Just a little yellow basket

Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard 2008 Divisional Round

2009-01-14T09:50:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2008 Divisional Round

Okay… Well there seems to be something awfully familiar about this weeks games. Almost like Deja vue but not quite. This week all the divisional games had certain flair to them, like they had been played before. Huh Played before? Well they say we have to play the games anyway so let’s take a look at them okay??? Expo start that music…

First up on Saturday we find the Ravens traveling to Memphis and playing the Titans. Sometimes in the Playoffs the story is told in the stats. Let’s look in to the stats from this game First Downs: 9 to 21, Total yards 211 to 391, Time of Possession 26 minutes to 34 minutes, Points 13 to 10. Tennessee was on the winning end of everything, but the score. Yes the score and the Turnover battle. The Titans had 2 fumbles and an interception to the Ravens none. And that is not good. Now we have to hear about how great the Ravens defense is and how great John Harbaugh is. How much History has been made with a rookie Coach and Quarterback. We are sure we will be hearing about it all week, so we will not mention it here. What we are sure of is we have half of the AFC Championship game.
Final score the Ravens 13 the Titans 10. It looks like we quote the Raven one more week.

Now we will talk about the game in Carolina. The Panthers were destined to play the Cardinals of Ari-Freaking-Zona. The Cardinals traveled across the country 5 times and lost each time and none were close. So with this game looming on the Horizon Arizona Head Coach Ken Whisenhunt had a team meeting and addressed his players. “Look, guys, there's... two kinds of dumb, uh... a guy that gets naked and runs out in the snow and barks at the moon, and, uh, a guy who does the same thing in my living room. First one don't matter, the second one you're kinda forced to deal with.” Then Matt Leinart whispered to Kurt Warner “What is he talking about?” Kurt Warner replied “It’s a quote from Hoosiers, the Movie. It’s supposed to inspire us.” To which Matt responded”Well if inspired means we are going to go out and win? Then he will have to find a movie that some of us young guys have seen. If you want inspiration lets talk about Babe.” To which Warner replied “The Movie about Babe Ruth with John Goodman yea that was good.” “Huh, Hell no. That movie about the Pig, now that is inspirational, I cry every time I watch it.” Leinart said. Well we cried as we watched the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals WIN the game and a place in the NFC Championship. Even when God opened the heavens above and pointed his finger at the Cardinals and said “You are the winner” we couldn’t have been more disappointed.
Final Score the Cardinals 33 the Panthers 13. Cardinals win as we dry our tears.

Up next we find the WCNYFG at home getting ready to take on the High flying Eagles of Philadelphia. This is a rematch again of a couple of weeks during the season and each team won on the others field. So with everything to lose including the NFC Championship game at home the WCNYFG headed to the field. It is safe to say that not everybody wearing a Giant uniform had something else to play after the season like the Double Stuff racing league. Not sure exactly what the DSRL is but Elli has something else to do next week instead of just packing his locker. His Stats were 15 completions on 29 throws for 169 yards. He also had 2 interceptions and generally had a confused look on his face all day. Maybe he was sad that his brother lost last week. But we think it was more of his combination. The Eagles combination of Donovan McNabb to Brent Celek was much better than Elli Manning to Kevin Boss, and certainly better than Plaxico Burress a pair of sweat pants and a gun. We saw that McNabb made a phone call on the Giants Sidelines this week that cost his team 15 yards in an unsportsmanlike penalty. We just happen to have a transcript of the conversation that Donovan might had. “Run Run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the Don-O-Van” But what you can catch is this Weeks Birth Canal Team of the week. Thanks WCNYFG.
Final Score the Eagles 23 the Giants 11. We guess no more WCNYFG. How Sad?

And finally we head to Pittsburg to see how the Steelers were going to beat the Chargers. We thought that it was going to happen. We mean that it has been since 1971 sine 3 of the 4 road teams had won in one weekend in the playoffs. And this is not the 70’s these are the 0’s and double 00’s to boot. So with the 00’s we have lots of stats and with lots of stats you can get confusion. And we are confused. How the Hell does this keep happening. Are the Steelers that great? We mean we watched the game, we looked at the stats, and we fell asleep. We mean honestly is there any thing as boring a Pittsburg Steeler game? You can pick anything you want, Paint drying, Grass growing, (which doesn’t happen in Pittsburg after October), ice melting (which also doesn’t happen until April) all have one thing in common, Boring. The only things moving in Pittsburg after October are those stupid Towels. Well the only other things moving in Pittsburg are the Chargers back to San Diego. Stay Classy San Diego. How do you tell that a Pittsburg Steeler game is over? Don’t worry Morley Safer will tell you, except on the West Coast where regular programming will ensue.
Final Score the Chargers 24 the Steelers 35. Yawn is it over yet? Good God when does Cold Case come on?

Well that is it for now. We are now down to 4 teams and 2 games. We sure do hope you enjoy this as much as we have putting this together.

And remember like we always say….

I never did it, no, I won't admit it
Why should I lie for you anymore
You never loved me, you pushed and shoved me
I see the woman I never saw

I saw you laugh when the knife was twisted
It still hurts but the pain has shifted
I'm lookin' back at the time that drifted by
But I won't cry for the wasted years
'cause you ain't worth the salt in my tears

Feeling neglected, used and rejected
You need a shoulder to lean upon
Baby you picked him, found your next victim
Don't worry someone will come along
I broke the spell that you kept me under
I had enough of the rain and thunder
I lost track of the time and I wonder why
But I won't cry for the wasted years
'cause you ain't worth the salt in my tears

I'll sit around and drink a few more beers
Until the memory just disappears
'cause you ain't worth the salt in my tears
I saw you laugh when the knife was twisted
It still hurts but the pain has shifted
I'm lookin' back at the time that drifted by
But I won't cry for the wasted years
'cause you ain't worth the salt in my tears
'cause you ain't worth the salt in my tears
'cause you ain't worth the salt in my tears

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Wildcard Weekend

2009-01-07T05:55:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Wildcard Weekend

Well here we are, finally to the playoffs. Well with just four games this week we will be narrowing the field from 12 to 8. That is what makes it Wildcard Weekend. So if everyone is ready we will get started. Expo let’s DO IT!!!!

Okay first up on Saturday we have a battle of the Birds. This was like an epic Battle between well a Cardinal and a Falcon. First the Cardinal scored on a dang trick play. You know if you can’t beat someone straight up then you have resort to trick plays. But the trick play didn’t last long. As the Falcon flexed some of their muscle to go ahead 17 to 14 just before the half… The Falcon Muscle? Falcon Muscle, Huh? Well after halftime the Falcons just couldn’t get going again. We aren’t so sure it was the Cardinals defensive prowess or the Flacons just becoming the Falldowns. Is this the way we start the playoffs? Can we get to the next game please?
Final score the Falldowns 24 the Cardinals 30. Well for the lack of a better phrase… Cardinals Win… Yuck…

Before we get to the next game let’s talk a little bit about the pregame show and “Bridge” show between the games. Thank god that Chris Collinsworth was not there, that is about the only thing that made it watchable. But then look at who was there The Great and Powerful Matt Millen. Well that is all we needed. As if this show wasn’t hard to watch before with Ken Olbermann, (When he makes an intelligent point it will be his first) and Dan Patrick, who should be set on fire. (En Fuego). With former Pittsburg and New York Giants players, who knew the best time to get out of football (just before the Giants win it all) trying to make points over each other, a quick point for you, “screaming does not make a point if you have nothing to say”. Hey Matt Millen this might be the show you kill just like you killed the Lions. Maybe the producers will fire everyone and start over.

Okay the second game of the day was the Colts visiting the Chargers in San Diego. Well the Chargers have played so hard the last four weeks winning games against teams that didn’t make the playoffs. The three games before that were against playoff teams and all losses. But these are the playoffs and this is a new season. Full of hope and dreams, a desire to prove that your team is the best in all the land, and this year no New England Patriots to kick everyone around. Oh yea back to the game Well Peyton Manning did everything he could to win this game, he studied hard, he practiced well, he dreamed and visualized each and every play before it happened, but the one thing that he could not control was the coin flip to start overtime. It went to the Chargers. When running back to the sidelines for the start of overtime Peyton asked Tony Dungy “Wonder why the Chargers didn’t take the ball in the second half?” Tony just put his arm around him and asked “You are the MVP of the League and you didn’t know that?” “Sorry coach I had an Ellie moment there.” Well overtime was not kind the Colts and they lost.
Final Score the Colts 17 the Chargers 23. The Colts are out of the playoffs again how disappointing.

Okay now we will go to see what the Tuna has changed in Miami. The Tuna Cakes way of winning has always been run the ball till the other team stops you then throw it a bit. Then run the ball again till they stop you. Okay so when the Dolphins ran the ball for 52 yards you had to know that the game was not going to go well. The Ravens beat up Miami until Tuna Cakes couldn’t see straight. Somehow the team that turned the ball over the fewest times in the season turned the ball over the most in the game. Joe “the Delaware Destroyer” Flacco showed why he is a rookie quarterback in the playoffs going 9 of 23 for 135 yards. Nice Game. Last year Chad Pennington could help but suck as the Jets quarterback but then he got to Miami and the world became his apple and he took every bite he could. But once you get to the core of an apple, all you have left is what the rest of the league didn’t want, including the JETS. So after claiming the Comeback player of the year Chad Pennington gets another award. Chad Pennington is now the Quarterback of the first Birth Canal Team of the Week in the Playoffs.
Final Score the Ravens 23 the Dolphins 9. We guess we have to quote the Ravens some more.

And for the last game of the weekend we find the Birds of Philadelphia going to Minnesota. Earlier we talked about the NBC show and how bad their announcers are, so if we have to listen to Joe Buck tell us the score in the Philadelphia versus the Cowgirls game again, we will just puke. We understand that the game was a blow out but good Lord Man find something else to talk about besides the game in week 17 and the game when Donovan McNabb got benched okay? So let’s look at Donavan’s big day shall we, he was 23 of 34 for 300 yards nice, but one play was 71 yards, making his true stats 22 of 33 for 229 yards not bad, but not good either. Well Funny how the Viqueens came played and lost. We have said it before but in never gets old…
Final Score the Eagles 26 the Viqueens 14. Viqueens Lose Viqueens Lose. Ha that is better…

Well here are the Matchups for next week as the field will be squeezed down to 4.
Baltimore will head to Tennessee
Ari-Freaking-Zona travels across country the play Carolina.
Philadelphia will visit the WCNTFG.
San Diego heads to Pittsburg

Well that will do it for us this week we sure do hope you enjoy this as much as we do.

And remember like we always say…

Yeah breaker one nine this here's the Rubber Duck
You got a copy on me Pig Pen C'mon
Uh yeah Ten-Four Pig Pen fer sure fer sure.
By golly it's clean clear to Flag Town, C'mon
Yeah its a big Ten -Four there Pig Pen
Yeah we definitely got the front door, good buddy
Mercy Sakes Alive looks like we've got us a convoy

It was a dark a the moon
On the sixth of June
And a Kenworth pullin logs
Cab over Pete with a refer on
And a Jimmy haulin hogs
We was headin for bear 'On 'I-One Oh
Bout a mile out Shakey Town
I says Pig Pen this here's the rubber duck
And I'm about to put the hammer down.

Cause we got a little 'ole convoy
Rockin through the night
Yeah we got a little 'ole convoy
Ain't she a beautiful sight
C'mon and join our Convoy
Ain't nothin gonna get in our way
We gonna roll this truckin convoy 'cross the USA
Convoy....Convoy.....

Yeah breaker Pig Pen this here's the Duck
And uh you wanna back off them hogs
Uh ten-four 'bout five mile or soTen-
Roger them hogs is gettin intense up here

By the time we got into Tulsa Town
We had eighty-five trucks in all
But they's a road block up on the clover leaf
And them bears was wall to wall
Yeah them smokies as thick as bugs on a bumper
They even had a bear in the air
I says callin all trucks
This here's the Duck
We about to go a huntin bear

'Cause we got a great big convoy
Rockin through the night
Yeah we got a great big convoy
Ain't she a beautiful sight
C'mon and join our convoy
Aint nothin gonna get in our way
We gonna roll this truckin convoy 'cross the USA
Convoy.....Convoy

Uh you wanna give me a ten-nine on that Pig Pen
Uh negatory Pig Pen you're still too close
Yeah them hogs is startin to close up my sinuses
Mercy Sakes you'd better back off another ten.

Well we rolled up Innerstate fourty-four
Like a rocket sled on rails
We tore up all of our swindel sheets
and left 'em settin on the scales
By the time we hit that Shy Town
Them bears was a gettin smart
They'd brought up some reinforcements
From the Illinois national guard
Theres armored cars and tanks and jeeps
And rigs of every size
Yeah them chicken coops was full of bears
And choppers filled the skies.
Well we shot the line
We went for broke
With a thousand screamin trucks
And eleven long haired Friends of Jesus
In a Chartreuse microbus

Yeah Rubber Duck to Sod Buster
C'mon there yeah Ten-Four Sod Buster
Listen you wanna put that microbus in behind that suicide jockey?
Yeah he's haulin dynamite and he needs all the help he can get

Well we laid a strip for the Jersey Shore
Prepared to cross the line
I could see the bridge was lined with bears
But I didn't have a doggone dime
I says Pig Pen this here's the Rubber Duck
We just ain't a gonna pay no toll
So we crashed the gate doin 98
I says let them truckers roll,Ten-Four.

'Cause we got a mighty convoy
Rockin through the night
Yeah we got a mighty convoy
Ain't she a beautiful sight
C'mon and join our convoy
Aint nothin gonna get in our way
We gonna roll this truckin convoy 'cross the USA
Convoy.....Convoy

Ah Ten-Four Pig Pen what's you're Twenty?
Omaha?!
Well they oughtta know what to do with them hogs out there fer sure
[fading]
Well mercy sakes good buddy we gonna back on outta here
So keep the buttons off yer glass and the bears off yer...tail
We'll catch you on the flip flop
This here's the Rubber Duck on the side
We gone - Bye Bye

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 17

2009-01-02T11:49:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 17 2008

Well guess what it is finally here? The week we find out who will be in the playoffs and who will be out. Lucky for us we have several games that will determine playoff positions. So can we get to it? Do you feel the excitement? Are you ready? Then Expo, one more time please, Kick it!

First up let’s go to Atlanta home of the resurgent Falcons. All they had to do was win the game and they would get into the playoffs. After last years joke of a season, with the coach leaving in the middle and no real direction, they hired they obscure “Mike Smith” to coach. Then they drafted “Matt Ryan” nothing but ordinary that turned to extraordinary. Well St Louis was playing for something too; the second pick in the draft was theirs with a loss. Thank God they continued to play the same as they have all season long. Atlanta is in and St Louis is out for sure.
Final Score Ewes 27 Falcons 31. New St Louis Cheer We’re # 2 We’re # 2. In the draft that is.

Up next we go to game that could only mean something if it had help. The New England Patriots came to Buffalo with the hopes of win and help later in the day to get into the playoffs. Well Buffalo started the season 5 and 1 only to finish 2 and 8. And apparently that is enough to keep Head Coach Dick Juron’s job. And why shouldn’t it? Who else are you going to hire? Bill Cower? Right hope in one hand and huh well huh… Okay maybe that is a bad example. Funny thing though, when the Bills could have knocked out the defending AFC champions, they folded like a dirty handkerchief, and got shoved in someone’s back pocket. Another year of firsts for the Pats, last year they went undefeated until the super bowl, this year they went 11 – 5 and didn’t make the playoffs. As neither team makes the playoffs
Final Score the Pats 13 the Bills 0. We guess that 8th pick in the draft is good enough for the Bills.

Now we will take about the game between Bungels and Chiefs. How Herm Edwards keeps his job is unbelievable. So when the 26th rated offense taking on the 32 ranked offense what do you think happened? We found out about Marvin Lewis’ New Years Resolution; he vowed to sleep at least 30 more minutes a day so he sucked less. It doesn’t look like these two will make the playoffs next year much less this year.
Final Score the Chiefs 6 the Bungels 16. No one really cared about this game so why should we?

We now find ourselves on the frozen tundra of Green Bay. Aaron Rodgers showed no kindness to his opponents. He was 21 of 31 for 308 yards with 3 touchdowns. Very nice. Thanks for finally showing up. So the Lions are the first team in the NFL to get to no wins in a season. But they did put up a fight, in most every game. But this game had no playoffs implications. Hey Aaron thanks for helping us forget the other Quarterback in the green jersey. No playoffs for these teams either. Did anyone make it?
Final Score the Lions 21 the Packers 31. Boy that Packer name makes us giggle.

Okay so all you have to do is win and you have a chance to get to the playoffs, does anyone want to get in. Houston held off the charging Bears and knocked the out of the playoffs. The charging Bears? The charging Bears? When do Bears charge? Well not this year into the playoffs, so like the Cub fans say, “Wait till next year” Another game with no body in the playoffs. Just playing out the string.
Final Score Da Bears 24 the Texans 31. Back to back 8 – 8 seasons, maybe next year Houston.

If ever a team looked like it had nothing to play for it would be the Tennessee Titans. They had 83 yards rushing, and 42 yards passing. Honestly, this was a preseason game, it might just as well been a scrimmage. 8 first downs is nice for a half, but for the whole game? The Colts just played out the string as well but did manage to put up 23 points. Finally both of these teams are in the playoffs.
Final Score the Titans 0 the Colts 23. So far nothing, we hope the day gets better…

In a game that some hope is a preview of the NFC championship game, the WCNYFG took on the Viqueens. Only thing we know for sure is that if this is the Championship game it will be played in New Jersey, not Minnesota. Well as much as it pains us to say this we have to do it one more time. Once again both teams are in. how many is that now? 5 of 12?
Final Score the WCNYFG 19 the Viqueens 20. Viqueens win. Viqueens win. Yuck!

Up next we will finally get to game that means absolutely nothing again. If Carolina wins they will get the second seed in the NFC if they lose they get the second seed. And they were playing the New Orleans Saints. But in the NFC South this season the team playing at home had won every game. Well let us see what REG-GIE BUSH did in his final home game of the season. Huh Crap he didn’t play? Well then let’s look at his season totals, well we can’t say he finished the season strong with only 404 rushing yards for the season, but he did have receiving yards as well, 440 yards. At Least he is consistent. Carolina is in, but the S-Aints are out AGAIN.
Final Score the Panther 33 the S-Aints 31. He has been consistently inconsistent.

Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo? And we really mean because after this game Romeo Crennel was fired, Tarred and Feathered, then ran out of Cleveland, which for most people thought would be a good thing. Cleveland Owners thought that was so much fun that they went ahead and fired general manager Phil Savage as well. Well good thing for us that as the fans were strapping Romeo to the rail he was able to pick his last award of the season. So for all who don’t know the Browns are this weeks Birth Canal Team of the week. The Steelers are in, and the Browns are once again Charlie. On their backs after not kicking the ball again.
Final Score the Browns 0 the Steelers 31. Nothing else to say about this but Blah.

Well with the bad game out of the way we will get to the other games. So let’s go to the Buccan game. This was a game of runs as the Raiders took a 14 to 7 halftime lead. Then Tampa scored the next 17 points. And with a win and a Dallas loss Tampa could get in the playoffs. As Tampa Quarterback Jeff Garcia came to the sidelines he asked Jon Gruden “How do you like me now?” Then after the Raiders run of 17 points including Michael Bush’s 67 yard run to go ahead for good, Jon Gruden glared at Jeff Garcia and said “Would you like to go win this one for us?” To which Garcia threw an interception. Walking back to the sidelines Gruden said “I guess not huh?” Well we guess that neither one of these teams are in the playoffs either.
Final Score the Raiders 31 the Bucs 24. All you had to do was win the Buccan Game...

So now we go to Baltimore for a game that if the Ravens win then they are in the playoffs. One Win and six losses is not a good way to end the season. but that is exactly the way the Jaguars were playing going into the game. So before the game the Jaguars Head Coach Jack Del Rio had a choice to make. If the Jaguars win then the Patriots were in the playoffs, if the Jaguars lose then the Ravens were in. After a rousing game of enny-menny-minny-moe and a best two out of three coin flips. Coach Del Rio got on a three way call with Bill Bella-cheat and John Harbaugh for an interesting game of Rock paper scissors. And the Ravens are in, but the Jaguars not so much this year.
Final Score the Jags 7 the Ravens 31. You can’t trust rock paper scissors on the phone.

Well Crap we forgot about this game not meaning anything so let’s get to it. The Deadskins came across country to play against the 49ers. San Francisco has played much better since Mike Singletary has taken over, but we have just one question…. Why did it take so long to put him in charge? Finishing 7 and 9 just a couple of games behind the Cardinals they missed it by this much. Crazy thing, if the 49ers don’t melt down against the Cardinals on Monday night back in November it might have made this week more interesting. But it was not to be. And these two teams are out of the playoffs as well.
Final Score the Deadskins 24 the 49ers 27. how many are in now? 8 of 12 half way…

Finally we had a game with playoff implications the Miami Dolphins went to the New Jersey Meadowlands to play the AFC East Leading New York Bretts. The Big Tuna Cakes thinking that he was at home decided to pull the switch-aroo and wore all his old Giants gear, he had his hat, and the huge 5X shirt with the 1980’s Giants Logo on it and wondered around in the press box asking if anyone had heard if Lawrence Taylor was coming to the game? But the real switch-aroo came when Brett Farve tried to play Quarterback. He had 3 interceptions with one being returned for a touchdown not good. Chad Pennington came back to the house that the Tuna built and beat his former team for the AFC East championship. From Worst to First, how sweet it is. Dolphins in Bretts out.
Final Score the Dolphins 24 the Bretts 17. Hey Eric Mangenius thanks for the Memories.

Up next we find the Seattle Shehawks heading down to Arizona for a game with the Cardinals. This was a chance for the Cardinals to prove that they belonged in the playoffs, and a chance for the Shehawks to stand up and play hard for their coach, Mike Holmgren. Very interesting fact that the Cardinals have won 9 games this year, let see their opponents combined record was 37 and 56 not exactly a tough schedule. But they did beat up their own division going 6 and 0, on their way to a 9 and 7 record. So we ask? Is making the playoffs, getting a home game, and then losing really an accomplishment?
Final Score the Shehawks 21 the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals 34. Cards are in. 10 of 12.

Now we will travel to the game that the whole NFL was watching. With only a playoff spot on the line the Dallas Cowgirls went to Philadelphia to play a game. Too bad they got lost on the way to the field. This game was over before it started. When the Eagles found out that they could win and they were in they came out and played like a team needing a win. Dallas had 5 turnovers, and it is hard to win with that. We have said all along that there is something to the fact the Tony Romo was not drafted, and has not played well in December. We wanted to look a little closer so after a fact finding mission we see that in College Tony Romo did not win a game after November 18th. He also played in 35 games and had 36 interceptions. His record after November 18th was 3 and 7. Very nice. So if you can’t change the spots on a Leopard then how can you change the bad plays that Tony makes?
Final Score the Cowgirls 6 the Eagles 44. 11 of 12 who is left?

Finally we find our last playoff game of the day. And yes we mean playoff game, win and you are in lose and you are out. The Chargers find themselves at home against the Denver Broncos. With everything on the line the Broncos came played and lost. After holding on to the AFC West division lead for most of the season we find them 4 of their last 6 and their last 3 in a row. With a win in any of those games they would win division, but they didn’t and Norv Turner showing that he could score like a senior at the junior prom again and the Chargers charge into the playoffs again.
Final Score the Broncos 21 the Chargers 52. We have our 12 team Yea!!!

Well here it is the game for next week:
Atlanta will go to Arizona
Indianapolis will play in San Diego
Then on Sunday
Baltimore travels to Miami
Philadelphia will play in Minnesota.
Team with a bye WCNYFG, Carolina, Tennessee, Pittsburg.

Well we hope you enjoy this as much as we enjoyed putting it together. We sure hope everyone had a great holiday and a happy New Year!!

And remember like we always say…

U can't touch this
U can't touch this
U can't touch this
U can't touch this

My-my-my-my (U can't touch this) music hits me so hard
Makes me say,"oh my lord thank you for blessing me
With a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet"It feels good
When you know you're sown
A superdope homeboy from the Oaktown
And I'm known as such
And this is a beat-uh!
U can't touch this

I told you homeboy
U can't touch this
Yeah, that's how we livin' and you know
U can't touch this
Look in my eyes,
manU can't touch this
Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics
U can't touch this

Fresh new kicks and pants
You got it like that now you know you wanna dance
So move out of your seat
And get a fly girl and catch this beat
While it's rolling
Hold on

Pump a little bit and let 'em know it's going on
Like thatLike that
Cold on a mission so fall on back
Let 'em know that you're too much
And this is a beat
They can't touch

Yo! I told you
U can't touch this
Why you standing there, man?
U can't touch this
Yo,
sound the bells, school is in, sucker
U can't touch this
Give me a song or rhythm
Making 'em sweat
That's what I'm giving'em
Now they know
You talk about the Hammer, you're talking about a show
That's hyped and tight
Singers are sweating so pass them a wipe
Or a tape to learn
What it is going to take in the '90s
To burn the charts
Legit either work hard or you might as well quit
That's the word,
because you know

U can't touch this
U can't touch this
Break it down
Stop. . . Hammer time

Go with the flowIt is said
That if you can't groove to this
Then you probably are dead
So wave your hands in the air
Bust a few moves, run your fingers through your hair
This is it for a winter
Dance to this an' you're gonna get thinner
Move slide your rump
Just for a minute, let's all do the bump
Bump bump bump

Yeah, U can't touch this
Look man, U can't touch this
You better get hyped
Boy 'cause you know ya can't
U can't touch this
Ring the bell, school's back in

Break it down
Stop. Hammer time
U can't touch this
U can't touch this
U can't touch this
U can't touch this

Break it down
Stop. Hammer time
Every time you see me
The Hammer's just so hyped
I'm dope on the floor
And I'm magic on the mike
Now why would I ever
Stop doing this?
When others making records
That just don't hit
I've toured around the world
From London to the Bay
It's Hammer,
go Hammer,
M.C.Hammer, Yo Hammer
And the rest can go and playCan't touch this

U can't touch this
U can't touch this
U can't touch this
Yeah,U can't touch this
I told you,
U can't touch this
Too hype, can't touch this

Yo, we outta here,
can't touch this....

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 16

2008-12-26T09:46:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 16

Well we don’t think there is anything as stupid as the phrase “Get in the Tournament.” When did the Playoffs become the tournament? That sounds like something straight out of some high coach catch phrase book. Tournament? Yea right this is not the Chick-Fil-a holiday Basketball Tournament. This is the Football Playoffs. So let’s kick it.

Well what can we say about this first game, that hasn’t already been said? First, how long is an NFL game? 60 minutes. That is right. Then why did the Jacksonville Jaguars quit after they got up 10 points in the fourth quarter? We aren’t sure why, as this game was not visible on any television in my hotel. Thanks NFL Network. Not only do these games you put on stink, but no one can watch them. This is like running to your stocking on Christmas morning and finding that Santa has forgotten you completely. No Goodies, and no lump of coal. Nothing.
Final Score the Colts 31 the Jags 24. Santa wouldn’t do that would he?

Up next we find the close of Texas Stadium. How many football fans over the last 35 years have cheered the Cowboys and booed the Cowgirls? Too Many to count we are sure. Everyone has recounted their favorite stories about Texas Stadium so let us chime in as well. When we were young, about 8 or 9 years we got tickets to a game at Texas Stadium, we were so excited. This was the House that Roger (Staubach) had built. We got there and found our seats. Wow upper deck but it was so cool to see all the players down on the field. The Game was late in the day so we watch with great anticipation as the color of the sky changed from a bright blue to a beautiful darkness. We watched as halftime came and we could see this cool remote controlled Blimp fly around “Welcome Haggar Employees” on the side. Kyle Rote Junior scored the winning point as the Tornadoes beat somebody; we don’t even remember who it was. But it was the best and only Soccer game we have ever been to.
Final Score the Ravens 33 the Cowgirls 24. Our Uncle helped program the score board back in the day. Thanks Uncle Larry.

Wow did anyone see what happened on Sunday? After the game someone in the Press Conference asked if Romeo Crennel had a word to sum up his team performance this week. “Frustrating and disturbing” were the only ones fit to fit this week. When you get shut out on the last game of the season there isn’t much to smile about so we decided to try and cheer up Romeo with a little a note “Roses are red and Violets are blue, Your Team is the Birth Canal Team of the week and this doesn’t rhyme, Sorry” We have just one question for you? How did you expect to get something from nothing? Because…
Final Score the Bungels 14 the “Charlie” Browns 0. Nothing from nothing leaves nothing.

Okay we know that over this season the Lions have been the joke of all jokes, we have had our eye on them but they have just not won. We know how frustrating it is to have to cover a team like that and find something positive or even find something to write about. When things are this bad it is not hard for folks like us not to belittle the coach, but you know what? If he is reading us then we hope he can get a little chuckle out it. With that said, Reporter Rob Parker should be covering the latest droppings at the Zoo because his continued questions about the defensive coordinator Joe Barry were uncalled for. And the last question should have gotten him a kick in the nuts if nothing else. So to set it up Joe Barry is Rod Marinelli’s Son in Law. The reporters question was “Do you wish your Daughter had married a better defensive coordinator?”
Final Score the S-Aints 42 the Lions 7. This Kind of Attack has no place in society today.

Okay let’s get to a better game. This week the Dolphins took on the Chiefs in what they hoped would be a launching pad to the playoffs, because if anyone could be a Launching pad it would be Kansas City. Was it just us or did anyone else see Herm Edwards on the sidelines, looking like he was trying to figure out a quantum physics problem without an abacus? Well with the spring cleaning about to take place in January maybe the Chiefs can hire Hank Stram to get this team back on the right road. Oh Wait he is dead isn’t he? Well this year Herm Edwards has 2 more wins than the dead Hank Stram. Sad isn’t it.
Final Score the Dolphins 38 the Chiefs 31. Dolphins in the Playoffs??

Well next up we head to the New England Home of the Pats. While we think it is good that Bill Bella-cheat doesn’t make the playoffs it will be sad that an 8 and 8 team get in ahead of an 11 and 5 team. But C’est la vie. That just the way it goes. Back to the game. Could it be that the Cardinals don’t like the snow or could it be that they are gutless, brain dead soulless players who are don’t want to put up a fight? We think they are just the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals that should not be in the playoffs anyway. But hey, someone will look forward to a free trip to warmer weather.
Final Score the Cardinals 7 the Pats 47. It is what it is huh?

Alright, so this year there has been only one team to travel east of the Mississippi River and win an early game. The 49ers came to St Louis and found a way to win again; they are now 6 and 9. We just wonder what would have happened had they would have named Mike Singletary head coach earlier in the season. The 49ers have played 500 since Singletary took over and without the melt down on Monday night a couple of weeks ago this team might be fighting for a playoff spot. The Ewes have all but sewn up the 2nd spot in the draft; we just hope it is more productive than the last time they got the 2nd pick. Chris Long got 1 tackle this week, thanks for showing up.
The Final Score the 49ers 17 the Ewes 16. Oh Wait St Louis is west of the Mississippi isn’t it?

Now we can talk about the Steeler game. Finally Big Stupid Ben couldn’t bring the Steelers back and this week there was nothing that the Referees could do to help. The Steelers faced the Tennessee Titans and the Titans won. After weeks of lulling teams to sleep then steeling a win, the Steelers were unable to put the Titans to sleep.
Final Score the Steelers 14 the Titans 31. Finally the Steelers lose, the Steelers Lose!

Well now let’s talk about the Buccan game. When they Bucs found the Chargers on their schedule this week they thought that all would be well, With a West coast team coming to the East coast and the fact that the Chargers have been so erratic Coach John Gruden felt confident that his team had a chance. But then the game started and all hell broke lose. From the Chargers scoring like did last year, to Jeff Garcia getting knocked out in the game. Did anyone else see that hit he took? It bloodied his face and knocked him unconscious With time running out and a bandage between his eyes, he was heard telling anyone that would listen, “We can win this game, I tell you that is true” “It is just as plain as when I heard the Who’s in Whoville on that dust speck.” Coach Gruden replied. “A person is a person no matter how small, But somebody give him an Ice pack and an aspirin.
Final Score the Chargers 41 the Bucs 24. Where is the Jungle of Nool???

Well Good Lord look what the cat drug in again. How many times do we have to see this same dead mouse to see that it is dead? The Denver Bronco’s are playing like a mouse in the proverbial Cats mouth. How many times can it be spit up? Okay so with Bronco’s needing 1 win to get to the playoffs they have fallen over in their own poop twice now. And in a really odd turn of events the Buffalo Bills turned to the injured Trent Edwards to play this game. So that no matter what happened J P Losman was not going to lose this game. And so for the second time in 8 games or a half of season we can say this…
Final score the Bills 30 the Bronco’s 23. Buffalo Wins. Buffalo wins… Just doesn’t sound right?

Okay next we will stroll over to Oakland and find the Houston Texans visiting. No one ever said this was going to be easy, and it certainly was not easy to watch this game. We understand that you have to play every game on your schedule, but this game was too difficult to watch. So let’s just close our eyes, and imagine a very happy place and we are sure that neither the Texans nor the Raiders will be there.
Final score the Texans 16 the Raiders 27. Rah Rah yuck!!!

Okay so here is your choice you have a chance to cheer for a team that was 4 and 12 last season, and were the laughing stock of the league. Before the season you pick up a veteran quarterback in free agency, who couldn’t decide if he wanted to retire or not. Then after 11 games you are on a 5 game winning streak and your record is 8 and 3 and you are on top of the world. You are going to win your division and get to the playoffs. When you get to Christmas you find that you are now 9 and 6, and you can’t win a game on the West coast. You lost a game to Denver of all teams on the road but now you lose to the Shehawks…
Final Score the JETS 3 the Shehawks 13. Are you really a Jets Fan?

All Minnesota had to do was win a game and they would win the NFC North and be assured a home game in the playoffs. But in true Viqueen fashion they couldn’t accomplish that feat. Let’s take a look at some stats Mr. Adrian Peterson had 22 carries for 76 yards with a long of 17 yards. Making his true stats 21 carries for 59 yards, not exactly history worthy, but he did have a fumble. Oh, that is not good is it? Well let’s look at his catches for the week; he had 2 for 6 yards with a long of 11 yards. But he had a fumble again. Such slippery fingers for a team trying to win its division.
Final Score the Falcons 24 the Viqueens 17. Viqueens Lose Viqueens lose…

Finally on Sunday the last day game of the day is a tough NFC East Battle. The Beagles came to Washington looking for a playoff spot. They could control their own destiny with a win. So let’s see what happened. Well suffice to say that with the game on the line in the fourth quarter the Beagles managed 12 plays and 20 yards, including 4 punts. Very nice. Washington was able to finish the game off with 3 punts and 16 yards. Way to finish strong.
Final Score the Beagles 3 the Deadskins 10. McNabb had a chance on the last play, but the receiver didn’t know where the endzone was.

And then on Sunday the WCNYFG played the Carolina Panthers for Home field advantage through the playoffs. Behind most of the night the WCNYFG relied on their running game so let’s look at those stats. Derrick Ward ran the ball 15 times for 215 yards, with a long of 51 yards. Then Brandon Jacobs ran 24 times for 87 more and lest we forget Madison Hedgecock had one rush for zero yards. It’s like getting that crappy present for Christmas. It is the thought that counts right?
Final Score the Panthers 28 the WCNYFG 34. The Road to the Superbowl goes through New Jersey???

Finally on Monday we find a team that has to win to keep its slim playoff hopes alive. And with nothing to play for, the Packers played like it. With 13 minutes to go the Packers kicked a field goal to go up 7 points. But the Bears came roaring back like they had something to play for. What? They do have something to play for? What do they have to play for? Oh yea, they could win the NFC North if they win out? And get another Viqueens loss.
Final Score in overtime the Packers 17 Da Bears 20. GO Bears Go!!!

Well that is it for this week, sorry for the delay. But we are done now, Enjoy...

And remember like we always say….

Now I'm only five years old
I've got to do just what I'm told
'cause Santa Claus is gonna be dropping in on me
Now is there something I might have missed
I had quite a few things on my list
I hope he can fit it all under
that Christmas tree.
Now I know what he likes for a late night snack
For years now it's been bringing him back
Milk and cookies
He'll come and go without a sound again
But how in the world does he get in
Ain't got a chimney
Close my eyes and concentrate
Try to sleep it's getting late
All night long I lie awakeTil' Santa's Gone I just can't wait

Now is there something I might have missed
I had quite a few things on my listI hope he can get it all under
that Christmas tree.
Sneak a peek down the hall
I've got to check now I don't recall
the milk and cookies
I think I'm sure I got it all
Stockings hung along the wall
Ain't got a chimney
Close my eyes and concentrate
I gotta sleep now it's getting late
All night long I lie awake
Til' Santa's Gone I just can't wait
I just can't wait, I just can't wait
Could there be something I might have missed
I had quite a few things on my list
I hope he can fit it all underthat Christmas tree.
I hope he can fit it allunder my Christmas tree.

Spoken:

Get that harmonica under there
and get that guitar under thereCowboy hat
A bicycle maybe

Don' Know what he's gonna do with that horse

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 15

2008-12-18T05:38:00.000-08:00

Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard Week 15 2008

Well with week 15 in the books we find ourselves in a quandary. What are we going to do with that “Packers Superbowl 2009” banner that we have for the Party we were scheduling for February? Well that is our problem. What? Okay sure we can put them the ones for we have for the Raiders, the Seahawks, and Bills. Wonder if we can get our money back. And No Expo We didn’t get ones that had the Chiefs, Lions, and Bengals. Nice thought though. Please just stick to the Music… Okay?? Alright then, kick it…

Okay First up on Thursday we find Da Bears and the S-Aints in an epic rematch of the NFC Championship of several years ago. Good God was anyone watching? Because if you were then you would have noticed that the S-Aints had 10 more minutes in time of Possession, over 50 more yards, 6 more first downs and ran 14 more plays. But the S-Aints just couldn’t finish. After the first half Head Coach Sean Peyton decided to leave REG-GIE Bush on the sidelines, saying he was hurt, but in actuality Bush was okay, so he says. Let’s look at his numbers. 6 Carries for 30 yards with a long of 13 and 2 catches for 16 yards. Huh not quite 50 yards, that is not good.
Final Score the S-Aints 24 Da Bears 27. Well the S-Aints aren’t in the playoffs again.

Starting at the bottom this week we will head to Cincinnati and find the Bungels against the Deadskins. What has happened to the greatest football team in the Washington DC area? After starting the season 6 and 3 they have been 1 and 4. Not real good. After their games the Redskins have what they call the “Warpath” a press conference for Head Coach Jim Zorn. When asked about what his comments were on a Clinton Portis statement that his coach was a football Genius. Zorn replied, “Yes Coach Gibbs was a genius and right now I feel like the dumbest man in America.” Really??! Well you aren’t the coach of the Chiefs so you aren’t the dumbest, but you are the coach of this weeks Birth Canal Team of the week.
Final Score the Deadskins 13 the Bungels 20. Hey Cincy, you just lost the 2nd pick in the draft.

Well let’s get to a game of consequence. For that we will head to St Louis… Are you kidding us? A game of consequence? Certainly not. This game had fewer consequences than making snow angels on a cold day in Puerto Rico if that is even possible. We can’t even talk about this game.
Final Score the Shehawks 23 the Ewes 20. How could anyone pay to see this game?

Time to talk about the Buccan game now as Tampa Bay traveled up to Atlanta for an NFC South Battle. With Jeff Garcia out, the Buccaneers had to rely on the trusty arm of Brian Griese. Brian’s arm was strong and accurate about 70% of the time. What he didn’t have was Garcia’s Mexican magic spells to help win the Buccan game. As the game was running down Griese could be heard chanting on the sidelines, “La Cucaracha La Cucaracha”. Head Coach Jon Gruden asked “What the hell is Griese doing” An assistant coach told Gruden that Griese was trying to use a famous Mexican Magic spell to gain an advantage in the game. Gruden just shook his head and mumbled “There is nothing magical about a cockroach”.
Final Score the Bucs 10 the Falcons 13. There are probably more Cockroaches in New Orleans.

In what was an odd repeat of fate the Tennessee Titans traveled to Texas, just like David Crocket did some 150 years ago. Funny how the same thing happened so let’s talk about history Davey Crocket came to Texas and died in the battle of the Alamo. This year the Tennessee Titans came to Texas played and lost. Funny how Matt Schuab played like General Santa Anna, as he stormed the Titans like the Mexican Army did to the Alamo. Well that should confusing history enough for this week.
Final Score Titans 12 the Texans 13. Viva la Matt Schuab???

Up next we head Indianapolis to find the next victim for Detroit. The Lions brought all of the fight of the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz before he got is courage. Lt Dan came back to play for the Lions and not only pushed Daunte Culpepper out of the starting job, but pushed him down in warm ups as well, so we heard. After the game Lt Dan was asked about how working with this team is different than working with Forrest Gump? To which he replied” “No one wants to be part of this. No one wants to have their name involved with this, it’s tough to swallow, and everybody says we stink. We don’t have much debate with that.” all true but Forrest Gump was good right???
Final Score the Lions 21 the Colts 31. Stupid is as stupid does sir.

Next we head down to Jacksonville to find the Packers on a winter retreat. With the recent cold snap in Green Bay the Packers headed south for some fun in the sun, since they will not be in the Superbowl again. They didn’t seem to have much fun as they lost for the ninth time on the season. Huh let’s see… One second… We have the stat right here… Oh yes the Packers of 07 lost only 3 games, and this year they have lost 3 times that amount with 2 games to play. What a wonderful coaching job Mike McCarthy did this season. New Quarterback equals new sucky Packers. Do you think the experts still think that Aaron Rogers is the answer?
Final Score the Packers 16 the Jaguars 20. If he is the answer what the hell is the question?

After weeks of trying to figure out what is wrong with the Kansas City Chiefs they decided to let Carl Peterson, Football General Manager go at the end of the season. Nice call, and thanks for not spoiling his family’s Christmas. Hey yea, you have job till the season is over, hell the season ended 8 weeks ago for the Chiefs, but nobody told them. This week, however, after an inspiring speech from Head Coach Herm Edwards where he placed a huge emphasis on scoring 21 points in the game his team ran out to a 21 to 3 led in the third quarter. Then they ran off the field showered and headed home to get ready for the incoming winter storm. The Chargers finding no one on the field for over a quarter were somehow able to make up the difference and outscored the Chiefs in the last 2 minutes of the game to win.
Final score the Chargers 22 the Chiefs 21. Maybe Herm should mention to hold the other to less than 21 points?

Oh my Lord, has anyone seen the change in Miami? Tuna Cakes has and he says” “Just win out and we will be in the tournament Okay?” San Francisco did everything right to win the game, they had 70 more yards 16 more minutes in time of possession, and more than twice as many first downs. They did everything but win the game. Unfortunate as it is to say…. Miami wins Miami wins…
Final Score the 49ers 9 the Dolphins 14... We hate to say that…

Okay we have to set this up just right, so play close attention please. You are winning by 3 points, playing in New Jersey, a conference rival, you are barely in the playoff picture, (Kind of like that crazy uncle who is on the very end of the wedding picture that gets folded so he can’t be seen while it is being displayed) you have 2 minutes and 6 seconds to go in the game and you are 2nd down and 5 yards to go. Just a little history, your last 6 plays (all rushes) netted you 37 yards including the go ahead touchdown and a first down, hence the 2nd and 5. And your defense has given up 10 total yards in 9 plays to your opponents the entire fourth quarter. Do you A: Hand the ball off to a running back? (You know that the clock will stop at the 2 minute warning with a good chance that you will get the first down) B: Quick kick the ball (because you don’t know what to do with a lead this late in the game) C: Knell down and punt the ball away (Your defense has played so well you think what the heck) D: You put the ball in the hands of J.P. Losman who gets sacked and fumbles the ball, and the Jets pick it up and run it back for a touchdown, and you lose the game?
Final Score Bills 27 the JETS 31. J.P. Losman is Just a Plain Loss Man. We almost cried.

In a game that might just decide the NFC Playoff seeding the Viqueens of Minnesota, came to Arizona to play the Cardinals. Playoff Seeding? Yes Expo the Ari-Freaking –Zona Cardinals made the playoffs this year. We know it is crazy but they did. We mean they didn’t show up against the Viqueens, but they are in the playoffs and not just a wildcard team either won the freaking Division. We know, but hell, the other 3 teams have 10 wins total. They should call it the NFC Worst not the West. But on the Bright side the Cardinals are getting ready for next year as Superstar Quarterback Matt Leinart got some action, and we don’t mean holding a clip board on the sideline, he got in the game. His line you ask? 3 of 5 for 28 yards. Not bad. He will make some team a very capable backup some day.
Final score the Viqueens 35 the Cardinals 14. Viqueens win, Viqueens Win. Yuck…

Not sure how this game escaped us but let’s look at the Denver game in Carolina. The Panther needed a win get to 11 wins on the season and Denver was trying to clinch the AFC West division. They would have sewn up the division and a home playoff game with a win. Denver showed us what they were made of and we can’t say what it was for fear of being banned by the FCC. Suffice to say the Carolina gets the win, making next weeks game for home field advantage through out the playoffs very important, and Denver well you guys looked like something that the cat puked up, ate, then puked up again.
Final Score the Bronco’s 10 the Panthers 30. Sorry for the visual but this was terrible.

Up next we get to Baltimore and this weeks travesty in officiating. What the hell? How many times do the Football Gods have to smile down on the Steelers? This is just ridiculous we can think of 5 times that they have been handed the game with less than 4 minutes to go. But this one takes the cake. Big Stupid Ben throws the ball and it is caught, the ball is spotted on the 6 inch line. But wait we have to review it because we are under 2 minutes. And just so you know, this is football not horseshoes, and the ball has to travel into the end zone for a score to occur not just get close. Let’s look at the facts, to get a field goal the ball crosses into the end zone and thru the uprights, to get a touchdown the ball has to touch the goal line, not cross it completely but touch the line while being possessed. We would have been fine if the call on the field had been touchdown and there wasn’t enough evidence to over turn the play. But to over turn the call when it wasn’t a touchdown is just plain ludicrous, (And we don’t mean the Rapper).
Final Score the Steelers 13 the Ravens 9. Pittsburg steals another one. What a shame…

Okay so the final day game of the week had the New England Patriots in a fierce battle with cross country rival Oakland Raiders Bill Bela-cheat thought it would be a good idea to stay on the West coast this week and not fly cross country 4 times in two weeks. We can only guess that is worked out for him, we were so disgusted by the previous game that we can’t really comment on this game, so let’s just say that the Patriots scored almost as much a as a squirrel in the winter collecting nuts, and certainly more than a blind squirrel does anytime.
Final Score the Pats 49 the Raiders 26. Whop-dy do Matt Cassel wins again.

And now we will get to the game that the whole nation has waited for us to comment on. The WCNYFG came to Big D looking to keep their streak of road wins intact. But other than Cleveland, Dallas is the only road venue the WCNYFG’s have not won in since last season. With Running back Brandon Jacobs out this week the Giants were going to have to rely on Ellie Manning to lead his team VICTORY. So let’s look at his stats for the night. Ellie was 18 of 35 for 191 yards, not great but about what he normally does, He had no touchdowns and 8 sacks and threw 2 interceptions on the night. He looked confused and out of sync the whole game, and for the most part unprepared. So with nothing to really play for the WCNYFG played like they had nothing to play for. It makes us wonder? Was this a big game for the G-Aints?
Final Score the WCNYFG 8 the Cowboys 20. This was a big game right???.

And Finally the Monday night extravaganza. Does anyone else hate to listen to those knuckle heads in the booth? Mike Tirico is a below average play by play guy at best and could be better if he had a couple of years of broadcasting some Mid-American Conference football games where nobody is watching or listening to. Listening to Ron Jarworski is like trying to listen to a high school coach break down game film to a bunch football Moms. And Good God is Tony Kornheiser able to speak without repeating either the last thing Tirico said or something from 20 minutes ago. We wish YOU would go back to that PTI crap so it could be cancelled. Listening to silence is better than having to listen to you three knuckle heads talk about wheather Andy Reid was going to release Donovan McNabb or make out with him in the locker room after the game.
Final Score The Browns 10 the Eagles 30. Will this game ever get listenable again?

Well that will wrap it up for this week. We apologize for the delay this week. We really have no excuse. Next time maybe the Playoffs will be more in Focus for us…

And remember like we always say…

Hello everybody, this is your action news reporter
With all the news that is news across the nation
On the scene at the super market
There seems to have been some disturbance here
Pardon me sir, did you see what happened?
Yeh, I did...I was standing over there by the tomatoes
And here he comeRunning thru the pole beans, thru the fruits and vegetables
Naked as a jay-bird
And I hollered over at Ethel...Isaid don't look Ethel
It was too late, she'd already been incensed...

Here he comes, boogie-dy, boogie-dy
There he goes, boogie-dy, boogie-dy
And he ain't wearin' no clothes
Oh yes, they call him the streak
Fastest thing on two feet
He's just as proud as he can be
Of his anatomy
He's gonna give us a peek
Oh yes, they call him the streak
He likes to show off his physique
If there's an audience to be found
He'll be streakin' around
Invitin' public critique...

This is your action news reporter once again
And we're here at the gas station
Pardon me sir, did you see what happened?
Yeh, I did...I was just in here gettin' my tires checked
And he just appeared out of the traffic
Come streakin' around the grease rack there
Didn't have nothing on but a smile
I looked in there and Ethel was gettin' her a cold drink
I hollered...Don't look Ethel
It was too late...
She'd already been mooned
Flashed her right there in front of the shock absorbers

He ain't rude, boogie-dy, boogie-dy
He ain't lewd, boogie-dy, boogie-dy
He's just in the mood to run in the nude
Oh yes, they call him the streak
He likes to turn the other cheek
He's always making the news
Wearin' just his tennis shoes
Guess you could call him unique...

Once again, your action news reporter in the booth at the gym
Covering the disturbance at the basketball playoffs
Pardon me sir, did you see what happened?
Yeh, I did...half-time, I was just going down there
To get Ethel a snow cone
Here he come right our of the cheap seats
Dribblin'...right down the middle of the court
Didn't have on nothin' but his PF's
Made a hook shot and got out thru the concession stand
I hollered up at Ethel, I said don't look Ethel
It was too late...She'd already got a free shot
Grandstanded...Right there in front of the home team

Oh yes, they call him the streak
Fastest thing on two feet
He's just as proud as he can be
Of his anatomy
He's gonna give us a peek
Oh yes, they call him the streak
He likes to show off his physique
If there's an audience to be found
He'll be streakin' around
Invitin' public critique...

Here he comes...look...who's that with him?
Ethel, is that you, Ethel?
What do you think you're doing?
You get your clothes on!
Ethel, where you going?
Ethel, you shameless hussy
Say it isn't so Ethel

Ethel..................

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 14

2008-12-10T16:30:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 14 2008

Well here we are in Week 14 and we are starting to see the playoff picture much better. It is still a muddy river flowing down stream, but at least we can see some of the teams floating on the top like the dead fish that they are. Let’s get started this week and see what happened. Hey Expo, let’s roll the funky music.

First up on Thursday we find ourselves in San Diego. Oakland really didn’t come prepared to play, scoring only on a kickoff return. They got plenty of practice as the Chargers came out of their scoring slump like the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. They run to the left and ran to the right then ran up the middle and scored touchdown after touchdown after field goal. Norv had to think that it was pretty sweet. Well the point total wasn’t huge, but it got the job done against the lowly Raiders. We Asked Huggy Bear Jr about the Cable guy. He said “Word on the street is Al Davis might be going to Satellite next year.” That is not good for the cable guy.
Final Score the Raiders 7 the Chargers 34. Indiana Jones couldn’t find the Raider of this lost Ark.

Up next we head to the windy city of Chicago and find that the Jaguars of Jacksonville had come to town. This season has been something that the Jaguars might have well just coughed up it. This is a huge hairball of a season for the Jaguars that they just can’t seem to get away from. We just hope that Coach Jack Del Rio doesn’t lose his head over this; he is a good guy having a bad year.
Final Score Jags 10 Da Bears 23. Good luck in the draft, Jags, it looks like you will be getting the 6th pick.

Up next we head to a game that just doesn’t seem real. The Viqueens headed into Detroit for a pivotal game with the Lions… a Pivotal game with the Lions? The Lions have not played a pivotal game since 1960 something. And if there was a pivotal game played this weekend it was not played in Detroit for sure. We only hope that the future in Detroit doesn’t hold a first round draft pick of a wide receiver again. Huh the Viqueens win again.
Final Score the Viqueens 16 the Lions 14. The Viqueens are going to win the NFC North?

Up Next we head to the Frozen Tundra of Green Bay Wisconsin. This week the Texans came calling to Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. This was a shining example of Matt Schaub’s ability to play in a hostile environment. Well with just under 6 minutes to go the Packers scored to tie the game. Then with all the effort of a caveman buying insurance they could not even get a couple of first downs. Then the great Matt Schuab? The Great Matt Schuab, four words that should never be in a sentence together, drove his team for the game winning field goal.
Final Score the Texans 24 the Packers 21. Good luck Green Bay with that top 12 pick.

Well let’s get down to a game that meant absolutely nothing. The Bungels came to Indianapolis and lost, not much else to say. The Team was uninspired and had no effort what so ever. Even the Cheerleaders on sideline had a new cheer. “We’re not Detroit. We’re not Detroit” well you might not be Detroit but you are the Bungels and this weeks Birth Canal Team of the week.
Final Score the Bungels 3 the Colts 35. Wow Peyton is on fire.

Next we head down to the bottom or the world which just happens to be in New Orleans. The home team did their best to stay in the wild card hunt and decided to use REG-GIE Bush as a decoy. All the fans were confused when REG-GIE came out for the first half dressed like a duck. He was so inconspicuous that the Falldowns didn’t even see him when he caught a touchdown pass, or snuck around the end till he ran out of bounds some 43 yards down field. Nice play. His Production is up which can’t bode well for the Saints. 16 touches for 106 yards, at least you are over that golden mark of 100.
Final Score the Falldowns 25 the Saints 29. Dressed like duck where no one could see him?

Well let us get some introductions out of the way now. Earth these are the World Champion New York Football Giants, WCNYFG this is earth. With that out of the way let’s get to the game. Ellie had a wonderful game going 13 of 27 for 123 yards. Wow with production like that how can you do anything but lose. Well maybe they did better running the ball but 14 rushes for 88 yards doesn’t look good either. We guess the only thing we can say is “The Giants lose. The Giants lose.” Just give us our fun; we have only gotten to say that twice this year.
The Final Score was the Giants 14 the Beagles 20. Crap this means that the Beagles are still in the playoff hunt.

Up next we head to Tennessee to Remember the Titans. The Browns came to town looking to get out of the cold for a day, but found the fire instead. Ken Dorsey did everything he could to help Cleveland win, but he needed to suck way less than he did. And he sucked pretty badly. We wonder aloud to ourselves what coach Cower would look like on the sidelines in a Browns jacket? Final Score the Browns 9 the Titans 28. Christmas time is for wishes right?

With Buffalo losing 6 of their last 8 games they chose not to embarrass themselves in Buffalo this week, so they went on the road. Only they had already played the Dolphins in Miami. Buffalo thought that they might be able to hide from the Dolphins in Canada, but as Tony Sparano ran on to the field he was screaming “Not this week baby!” We thought hiding in Canada was a good idea we mean nobody would look in Canada for a football team. Then after kicking a field the Bills left looking for someplace else to hide.
Final Score the Dolphins 16 the Bills 3. Maybe the Bills could play in Japan?

Next we head to the great Northwest but there is not that much great about the Northwest this year. The Shehawks have been far less than stellar this season we can only guess that they must have dedicated this season to someone, huh maybe Coach Mike Holmgren? Well it looks like football is dead in Washington as a whole this year as the college teams won a total of 1 game and the pros have won only 2.
Final Score the Patriots 24 the Shehawks 21. Maybe they should all move to Oregon?

Next we head to Colorado to find the tough AFC West battle between the Chiefs and the Bronco’s. How long has it been since we had a tough AFC West Battle? Well keep counting because this was not it. Leading 17 to 7 in the Second Quarter the Chiefs head Coach Herm Edwards probably didn’t know that he was not going get the ball more than 4 more times. In those drives they ran 26 plays for 125 yards, nice don’t you think? And people wonder why the Chiefs can’t win? We don’t.
Final score the Chiefs 17 the Broncos 24. They can’t win because they suck.

Next we will talk about how the great New York Bretts traveled across the country and play a game against the 49ers. Everyone knows that you can’t travel across the country and win, unless you are playing in Seattle. But this is the great Brett Favre so let’s see how he did? 20 of 31 not bad, 3 sacks and an interception is not good. Well the Bretts have traveled to the West Coast 3 times this year and have not won yet. Amazing, they lost to the Chargers, the Raiders, and now the 49ers.
Final Score the Bretts 14 the 49ers 24. With just one of those a win they would be in first place by themselves.

In the same vain of a team that can’t travel across the country and win, we find the Ewes. And the Ewes can’t play a game and win. They traveled to Arizona and that should be enough for you to understand that they lost. Sometimes these games are closer than the score might indicate, this one was not. Cardinals Win Cardinals win. Our worst fears have come true.
Final Score the Ewes 10 the Cardinals 34. Rah Rah Yuck.

Finally on Sunday the day games came to close with this one. The Cowgirls visiting the Pittsburg Steelers. In typical Steelers fashion they lulled the Cowgirls to sleep then won the game in the final few seconds. Big Ben had his normal day 17 for 33 for 204 yards and 5 sacks. But Tony Romo showed us all why he was an undrafted free agent quarterback, by throwing 3 interceptions and fumbling once. Nice game, but take a little advise, when the temp is below 40 degrees, wear some sleeves, good god man that was just stupid.
Final score the Cowgirls 13 the Steelers 20. You know if things had worked out differently, the outcome might have changed.

On Sunday night there was a game that was played. But it was so poorly played that we don’t think it was even on TV. This is what we think happened. The Ravens got 2 quick scores in the first quarter and held a gun, to the Deadskins and forced them to punt for the rest of the game. Well maybe not the rest of the game but certainly 6 out of their last 9 possessions. Throw in a missed field goal, and that will just about do it.
Final Score the Deadskins 10 the Ravens 24. Wonder if that gun came from a former Giant?

On Monday we found the Buccan game as Tampa Bay went to visit their old nemesis the Carolina Panthers. Buccaneer Quarterback Jeff Garcia was heard singing before the game “Nothing would be finer than to be in Carolina in the Morning”. Head coach Jon Gruden told Garcia that he could stay if he liked but that the rest of the team was leaving after the game. Garcia thought for a moment then told his coach he would stay if the Buccaneers won. Gruden relied sure, get on the damn bus, you got sacked 5 times and we lost the game. Garcia Exclaimed “But coach But Coach look”. Head Coach Gruden slowly turned and in a soft, quiet voice with his teeth clenched said “The only Butt I want to see is yours on the Bus”.
Final Score the Bucs 23 the Panthers 34. And we don’t think Gruden was happy.

Well that is it for this week and we have just one more thing to say. It is with a heavy heart that we bid a heartfelt goodbye to a dear friend. It is not everyday that we can become friends with someone as special as Maisy. She will be missed and our hearts go out to your family who miss her so much.

And remember like we always say….

I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels

I won't give up if you dont give up
I won't give up if you dont give up
I won't give up if you dont give up
I won't give up if you dont give up

I need a sign to let me know you're here
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels

When children have to play inside so they don't disappear
And private eyes solve marriage lies cause we don't talk for years
And football teams are kissing Queens
and losing sight of having dreams
In a world that what we want is only what we want until it's ours

And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels

And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels

Calling all you angels
Calling all you angels
Calling all you angels
Calling all you angels

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 13

2008-12-03T08:55:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 13 2008

Well here we are again, as the Holiday’s approach we find ourselves looking to see who is being naughty and who is being nice. So being a fat guy with a beard we feel like we can help out with the naughty and nice stuff. Well we will get it going, so with a crack of the whip and hearty Hi Ho Silver away… Oh wait that wasn’t right was it? Okay… Well Expo kick it…

First up on Thanksgiving we find the great game between the Tennessee Titians and The Detroit Lions. Then the kickoff came and simultaneously as the game began the game was ended. There was nothing else to say except that this game was over at the 8:21 mark in the FIRST QUARTER. Good God Man we couldn’t even put marsh mellows on the candied yams without the damn Titians scoring. Hell Lions get it together, we mean come on dude you had to focus for four days and put up a fight. Wow we have seen better fights by women over a hand bag at the thrift store.
Final score the Titians 47 the Lions 10. The Titians were Naughty, and the Lions just suck.

Up next we finally are able to get our potatoes mashed and now we are working on the gravy, Oh, hey somebody check that dressing. Crap the Cowboys just scored again, Crap what is the score at half time? 24 – 6. Nothing to be thankful for in this game except that Romo has thrown to T.O. to shut him up for this week. Well Romo throws 3 touchdowns and Hasselbeck gets sacked 7 times. Not much else. Hey can you pass the green bean casserole?
Final Score the Shehawks 9 the Cowboys 34. Cowboys, naughty the Shehawks, terrible.

And finally the Thanksgiving game on the NFL Network that was billed as the fight of the bird. We had the fight of the bird at our house, as we tried to stay awake. We lost the fight and fell asleep; does any one know what happened in the game? Let us look. Oh hear it is, huh? How did this game go? Well let us look 2 plus 9 carry the 1, and the total is... The Cardinals lose again.
Final Score the Cardinals 20 the Eagles 48. Cardinals were nice and the Eagles just scored again.

Okay now it is time to talk about the crappy game on CBS, what does this tell you about the game? Punt, punt, Missed Field Goal, Punt, Fumble, oh another Punt, and an Interception. Let us just say these 8 possessions netted a total of 98 yards. Well that is what the home team did, how did the visitors do? Fumble. End of Half, Interception, missed field Goal, Punt, and Punt then End of game. This juggernaut of an offensive game plan netted the visitor a total of 151 yards. Nice, how did this get on TV? Well we have said it before and it looks like it holds true here, Peyton Manning is playing like his brother used to, 15 for 21 for 125 yards. Oh my how far is the fall from Grace? No offensive touchdowns and a Colt win huh?
Final Score the Colts 10 the Browns 6. Neither team was Naughty, but neither wanted to win either.

Next we go to Cincinnati and find the Bungels at home and inviting the Ravens over for a coke and a smile. At the end of the game when the Bungels had 11 punts and 6 first downs, Bungels Head Coach Marvin Lewis was found on the sidelines with his head in his hands. Just when it seemed that things couldn’t get any worse the gun used to signify the end of the game was given to Marvin Lewis to fire. As he put the gun to his head, no one was there to stop him. He pulled the trigger, but no bullet came out of the barrel, it was a flag. What does that say, BANG? Nope, it says you are the Birth Canal Team on the week. At least you win something.
Final Score the Ravens 34 the Bungels 3. The Ravens win and the Bungels just don’t.

Up next we go to the game to see if a Dolphin can beat a Ewe. Isn’t that cute, can a cuddly little lamb beat a snarling Dolphin. A Snarling Dolphin? Really? Expo? When have you ever seen a snarling Dolphin? You have got to be kidding us? A Snarling Dolphin? Are we to think that these Snarling Dolphins are Ill-tempered as well? Well it looks like the number of scores is tied with 4 the Ewes had four field goals but the Snarling Dolphins had three field goals and a touchdown. Snarling Dolphins right?
Final Score the Snarling Dolphins 16 the Cuddly Ewes 12. Rah Rah Yuck…

What the Hell is going on in Buffalo? This week we find the 49ers of all teams, coming to town and finding not much in the way of a game. For the first time in a long time a team from West Coast came to the East Coast played a 1PM game and won. What can we say about the Bills? Thank goodness they scored in the third as Rian Lindell finally made a field goal. But like giving a freezing, naked man ear muffs, it was too little too late. We have a question? What the Hell does J.P stand for in J.P Losman? We know, when J.P goes into a game for Buffalo it’s Just Plain a loss Man. With that said.
The final score was the 49ers 10 the Bills 3. Well no one was Naughty here.

Now we will turn our attention to the Packer game. The Packers played very nice only scoring to take the lead in the fourth quarter with under 2 minutes left. But then the Packers allowed a 45 yard kickoff return. And with one play (a 54 yard reception to Steve Smith) the Panthers are at the one yard line. The Packers allowed DeAngelo Williams to score again, his 4th touchdown of the day, what a nice gesture. Looks like Santa might have something for you.
Final Score the Panthers 35 the Packers 31. What is the best Mascot name starting with a P?

It’s time to talk about the REG-GIE Bush Return. With The Greatest Running Back in the History of the NFL finally back to play we will take a close look at the numbers. MR. REG-GIE had 3 rushes for 0 yards. If we take out the long of 8 yards it means that REG-GIE had 2 carries for -8 yards, Very nice. Looking at his receptions we find 5 catches for 32 yards with a long of 10, making his true stats 4 catches for 22 yards. Is that all? Nope he had 2 punt returns for -16 yards. Oh no… Okay so he touched the ball 10 times for 16 yards is that what you call production? We don’t think so but New Orleans might.
Final Score the S-Aints 20 the Buccaneers 23. The S-Aints will get a lump of something in their Stockings.

Now we will talk about the WCNYFG. This game was the tribute to Redskin fallen star Sean Taylor, as he was inducted into the Redskin Hall of Fame. So with family and friends gathered around for the opening kick the biggest question was how are the WCNYFG going to handle all the intensity that the Redskins are coming out with? After three possessions the redskins ran nine plays for 48 yards and three punts. After the first three possessions the WCNYFG ran 24 plays for 198 yards and scored 13 points. Wow now that is intensity isn’t it? Maybe they were just getting warmed up? We think not. The last four game they are averaging 10 points a game so we have to ask the question, Hey Jim Zorn are you guys the chiefs or what?
Final Score the WCNYFG 23 the Deadskins 7. Oxymoron? Redskins Hall of Fame.

And now we will talk about the Crappy game on Fox. Did anyone have higher expectations in the NFL than San Diego? Well nothing like being bashed in the head with a rock is there? For 7 of the 12 weeks the Chargers have been nothing short sorry. And with their dignity on their sleeve they headed out for the kick off. After taking the opening kick off and driving almost 45 yards they punted the ball. This is not what Norv had in mind when the season started. Thank god there are some leftovers in the fridge can we get a sandwich?
Final Score the Falcons 22 the Chargers 16. The Chargers were nice.

Up next we will head to New England and home to the first Thanksgiving feast we think. We are going to try to give you a little history lesson. The very first Thanksgiving was held in what is now Saint Augustine Florida? What the hell? And it was held on September 8 1565. Well that is not in November. And no Miles Standish? Or that Indian gal Poca-what ever her name was? And what about the Plymouth rock thing…. Huh the Boats? Damn you Wikipedia. And there is a Thanksgiving in Canada? What do they have to be thankful for? That they don’t live in Mexico?
Final score The Steelers 33 the Patriots 10. Next they will say that there was no Pumpkin pie.

Next up let’s go to Oakland and find the Chiefs. This is where we find the craziest play we have seen in a long time. Let’s imagine this. You bring in your best player, a kicker. Being best Polish kicker in the NFL is like being the best snow skier from Guatemala. Okay so you have your best player out on the field doing what he does best kick the ball. When the ball is snapped the kicker runs to the left and the holder snaps the ball between his legs to the kicker. What should have happened is that the Kicker should have caught the ball ran around the end and down the sidelines for an easy first down or a touchdown for Gods sakes? But what happened was the ball (When snapped the second time) just skidded on the ground until a defender got close then it jumped up into his arms has he ran to the promise land. Oh Man what a play, this was terrible.
Final Score the Chiefs 20 the Raiders 13. Now KC has more wins in Oakland than Oakland does?

Now the last game of the day the New York Bretts traveled across the country to face the fury that is the Denver Bronco’s. So straighten this out for us. The Brett’s beat the Patriots on a Thursday night to take over the lead in the AFC East and are on their way to the playoffs. They had 10 days to prepare for a team that was just 6 and 5. Well Brett had a wonderful game going 23 for 43 for 247 yards with an interception, nice day right?
Final Score the Bretts 17 the Bronco’s 34. Denver was naughty and the Bretts just lazy.

Now for the Sunday night game. A tough game from the NFC North was featuring Da Bears and the Viqueens. Oh my Da Bears had 11 completions, 10 first downs, 9 punts no running game, no passing game, and not much on special teams. The Great Adrian Peterson had 28 carries for 131 yards, with a long of 59 yards making his true stats 27 carries for 72 yards a wonderful 2.6 yards per carry. Pitiful is all we can say. So the Viqueens win again, Damn that has happened 7 times now.
Final Score Da Bears 14 the Viqueens 34. And this is the game NBC thought would be good?

Finally on Monday night ESPN decided to go to Houston of all places. Did anyone see those crazy red uniforms? We thought that a bunch of Heinz Ketchup bottles were out on the field. Every time we looked up the Texans were scoring again. Holy Cow what has happened to the Jaguars? Well Jack del Rio shouldn’t worry his job is safe as long as Herm Edwards has a job… The Jags have lost everything but their self respect.
Final Score the Jags 17 the Texans 30. And that can’t be too far away now.

Well that will do it for this Holiday Edition of the Stroll. We sure do hope that everyone has enjoyed this as much as we have putting it together.

And remember like we always say…

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
Where I stop and I turn and then I go for a ride
'Til I get to the bottom and I see you again, yeh, yeh yeh

Do you, don't you want me to love you
I'm coming down fast, but I'm miles above you
Tell me, tell me tell me, c'mon tell me the answer

Well you may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

Now Helter Skelter, Helter Skelter, Helter Skelter, yeah ...
a-Will you, won't you want me to make you
I'm coming down fast, but don't let me break you

Tell me, tell me, tell me the answer
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

Look out! Helter Skelter, Helter Skelter, Helter Skelter, oooh...

Look out, 'cause here she come ...

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
And I stop and I turn and then I go for a ride
And I get to the bottom and I see you again, yeh, yeh yeh

Well do you, don't you want me to make you
I'm coming down fast, but don't let me break you
Tell me, tell me, tell me your answer
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer Look out!

helter skelter, helter skelter, helter skelter
Look out! Helter Skelter ...
she coming down fast
yes she is
yes she is
coming down fast oh now helter skelter ...
woo hooo

I got blisters on my fingers!

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 12

2008-11-27T06:37:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 12 2008

Well look what we have here. We are through week 12 and we are beginning to see things clearer now. The playoff picture as starting to look like one of those three dimensional pictures, kind of hard for some but others see pretty clearly. Okay well with no one off this week then we will just get started… Kick it Expo…

First up we will talk about the NFL Network game on Thursday. The Cincinnati Bungels took a little trip up to Pittsburg to play against the Steelers. Head Coach Marvin Lewis was so excited about being on National TV that after the Bungels scored they ran off the field to watch themselves on television. They went from hotel to Sports bar like a child on Halloween looking for the game. When they understood that they could not find the game because it is only on in the 35% of the country and Pittsburg is in the 65% that doesn’t get the network. They went back to the stadium and found they were behind 20 to 7. So they kicked a field goal and called it a night.
Final Score the Bungels 10 the Steelers 27. Thank God no one had to watch this or could.

Starting at the bottom we find ourselves in St Louis. Well okay let’s get through this as quickly as possible. The Bears of Chicago came to town looking for dinner, and the only thing they wanted was a little sheep. The Bears literally mauled the Ewes for three quarters then went back into hibernation. Even Boo-Boo got a meal before he went to bed. After the game Ewe Head Coach Jim Hasslett had this to say “Baa-ram-ewe Baa-ram-ewe to your Birth Canal be true.” At Least that is the way we heard it.
Final Score Da Bears 27 Da Ewes 3. How many more games does St Louis play?

Up next we head to Cleveland. We know that you have to play every game on your schedule but why did the NFL have to schedule this game? Thank God this game wasn’t seen on TV we don’t even think it was on in the home markets. The only thing that Cleveland beat the Texans on was turnovers Houston had 4 and the Browns had 5. This game was so bad, that both teams left after the third quarter and nobody noticed.
Final Score the Texans 16 the Browns 6. Ready? One, Two Three…. YUCK!!!

Next we will travel to Kansas City for a game between Buffalo and the Chiefs. Again nothing is funny about Kansas City because they are so pathetic that mere words can’t describe how bad they are. WE will not resort to Crayola pictures in this format. We will however discuss Buffalo. You guys scored like you were playing, huh??? Well Kansas City. Good thing you were playing them. Wow you guys scored like good Enema, High, hot and a hell of lot.
Buffalo 54 the Chiefs 31. How much longer can we call them the Chiefs?

WE will now turn our attention to the Patriots and Dolphins. This game had all the makings of a great one until it started. Okay who thought that the Dolphins had a chance to win this game, Raise you hand. You right there in the back, put your hand down, you didn’t think that. You didn’t either. See even Tuna Cakes didn’t think they could win. And if Tuna Cakes didn’t think so then they probably couldn’t. Thank you Tony Sparano for sticking to the run 17 carries for 62 yards, not sure that is what Tuna Cakes is looking for.
Patriots 48 the Dolphins 28. Hey Miami is 8 – 8 in your Future??

Now we will go to Tennessee and all things Titians. The New York Bretts have made their way through the muddy waters of the AFC with their heads held high. So how could we expect anything less than a win against the undefeated Titians? Well we did. This will just further the Heroic stature that is Brett Farve. So let’s take a look at his day 25 of 32 for 224 yards, workman like but nothing to really write home about. But he does get the win even if they ran ball 39 times for 192 yards. With 61 on one carry.
Final Score the Bretts 34 the Titians 13. We guess we don’t have to Remember the Titians this week.

Next we head to the crime riddled town of Baltimore. Well the police should have be called because Donovan McNabb had his dignity stolen. Andy Reid could not have hurt McNabb any more if had pulled his pants down and spanked him at the fifty yard line. Joe “the Delaware Destroyer” Flacco found his way through the Beagle defense on 12 of 26 passing for 183 yards. Wow can you say 3 completions a quarter? That was not bad to the bone, but when Kevin Kolb came in after the half there was no hand jive.
Final Score the Beagles 7 the Ravens 36. Edgar Allen Poe would be proud.

Well now it is time to talk about the Buccan game. Tampa Bay and Jeff Garcia headed north for a game with the Lions. Head Coach Jon Gruden told his players to take it easy on the lions and decided to let them score the first three times in the game. Then the Bucs took over the game. Jeff Garcia tried to tell Jon Gruden just how great he is. “Hey Coach, O is for Awesome.” To which Gruden replied “What the hell” “Well I am on the Offense and we are Awesome”.
Final Score the Bucs 38 the Lions 20. We guess that Q is for Cupid as well…

Next we head to Big D to see if Tony’s Pinky is getting any better. It looks like it is, as the Shake and Bake combination of Romo to T.O. is back on track as Owens caught 7 passes for 213 yards and a touch down. It looks like Tony’s pinky is back in action, and not the kind of action Jessica is looking for, but the kind of action that Jerry Jones is looking for.
Final Score the 49ers 22 the Cowboys 35. Hail to the Cowboys…

Well with the Viqueens game we have to check in and see how well Adrian Peterson did. The Viqueens were able to get out of the cold and in to the Florida to play Jacksonville. But we really aren’t sure if the Jaguars really played this week. But they did have more first downs, more total yards and the same number of punts. And they did have more penalties and more turnovers which lead to their demise. Peterson had 18 carries for 81 yards with a long of 21 making his true stats 17 carries for 59 yards. Still more than 3 yards a carry but far less than hundred yards a game we think?
The Viqueens 30 the Jaguars 12. Viqueens Win Viqueens win. Still doesn’t sound right.

Up next we will head to the Land of milk and honey known as Denver. Have you ever just wondered around the great state of Colorado and taken all the wonders that God has placed there? The Mountains, the Rivers, the snowy peaks, the lack of effort when playing an inferior division rival. Nothing is ever Peaches and Cream when the Raiders come to town but that is what the Bronco’s thought as they played Sunday afternoon. Denver running back Tatum Bell showed why he was the key missing from Denver’s running attack as he gained 14 total yards on 6 carries. Wow what production.
Final Score the Raiders 31 the Bronco’s 10. This was the Crappy game on CBS.

Now we will find out if a Falcon can beat a Panther. In a battle of Animalistic foes in Atlanta, the Falcons showed why they should be taken seriously this season. After Falcon Quarterback Matt Ryan removed his clown nose and shoes he threw 27 passes with such pin point accuracy that 17 of them were caught. He also had no interceptions but no touchdowns either. After the Game he was heard yelling across the field to Panther QB Jake Delhomme, “Hey your no Brett Favre” which Jake responded by saying “Thank God I wouldn’t want to play for the Jets”
Final Score the Panthers 28 the Falcons 45. Is anybody Brett Favre? We mean really?

Now comes the time when we turn our attention the WCNYFG. In this episode we will feature a Star on that team and give you, the reader, some insight to one of the Stars on the team. Let us be the first to introduce you to Madison Hedgecock. This Fullback has helped the Giants to lots of wins this season as a lead blocker for other running backs on the team. He grew up in North Carolina and played his college football at the University of North Carolina making him a Tar Heel, but he keeps his feet clean, so we have been told. Early in his life during a peewee football season he father told his Coach “I am not afraid to go back to jail to get my son more playing time” The Coach put him in a kickoff and kickoff return which seemed to satisfy his father. There was one other thing we found out about Madison, he was once seen in Richmond, we can only assume they meant Virginia. His stats in the game: 2 catches for 10 yards and a touchdown. After the game we were told that Coach Coughlin had a phone message from Madison’s Father, we can only wonder what that was about.
Final Score the WCNYFG 37 the Cardinals 29. We found it all on his Wikipedia page.

And now what you have all been waiting for this week’s crappy game on Fox. The Redskins of Washington traveled all the way across the country to Washington to play against the Shehawks. Matt Hassel beck had a stellar game with 12 completions for 103 yards, a very Ellie Manning day if we do say so. When the Shehawks scored a touchdown to tie the game they just quit. 9 yards in the fourth quarter is terrible. It is like you just gave up. Jim Zorn returned to Seattle and made up for some mistakes that he had their when he was a quarterback. During the post game press conference one reporter asked “When are you left hand” to which Coach Zorn responded “Always, Next question.”
Final Score the Deadskins 20 the Shehawks 17. We guess you can travel across the country and win; if you play in Seattle.

On Sunday Night the Colts went to San Diego to play the Bolts. Norv Turner has hit a bad patch and went into his little black book to find someone he could score with. After getting several no’s and lots of rejection he found that Nate Keeding would kick him a field goal to tie the game. But then a stinking Manning took over and drove 37 yards to kick a winning field goal. What a bunch of crap how could Norv let this happen? Where is the defense? Thanks goodness we went to bed and missed the final minute and a half. Now Norv is on the hot seat like Marty Schottenheimer was a couple of years ago. We can only say one thing. Stay Classy San Diego.
Final Score the Colts 23 the Chargers 20. Even John Madden was mad about it, we think.

Then on Monday night we find that the Saints invited the Packers down for a pre-Mardi-gras party. They put Donald Driver, and Ryan Grant on floats and drove them around the Stadium. They kept throwing Aaron Rogers beads and yelling for him to pull his shirt up. Drew Brees pulled up his shirt, and then pulled down the pants of the Packer Defense, by throwing 4 touchdowns. After the game Packer Head Coach Mike McCarthy was asked about the 3 fumbles that his team had, and he had this to say “Luckily we didn’t lose any, but I remember something that John Heisman said” he picked up a ball and said” Gentlemen it is better to die a small boy, than to fumble this football.” Interesting? We think not.
Final Score The Packers 29 the S-Aints 51. Is New Orleans doing better with or without REG-GIE???

Okay well there you have it, another week in the books and with only 5 more weeks to go before we get to playoff time… We can hardly wait. We are putting on our Fat Pants and getting ready for Thanksgiving and we sure hope that you all have the greatest of time with family and friends during this Holiday season…

And remember like we always say…

Don't live in the past
Don't hold on to something that's changing fast
What we are, is what we are and what we wear
Is vintage clothes, vintage clothes:

We jump up for joy
Who cares if we look like a girl or boy
What we are, is what we are and what we wear
Is vintage clothes, vintage clothes:

A little more, a little tall
Check the rack
What went out, is coming back

Don't live in the past
Don't hold on to something that's changing fast
What we are, is what we are and what we wear
Is vintage clothes, vintage clothes:

A little more, a little tall
Check the rack
What went out, is coming back

Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 11

2008-11-20T05:27:00.000-08:00

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 11 2008

Here we are 11 weeks into the season and we find that everyone now has 10 games under their belt. First up lets talk about the teams that are off this week, Where is that list? Huh nope not there, nope that is not it either, Ah here it is, it was right there, in the next to the last place we looked because we keep looking after we found it. Okay well huh no one was off this week huh? Well then we guess that means that everyone played this week so let’s get it started. Expo are you ready? Expo? Expo? God good help is hard to fine.

First up we head to Thursday? Huh okay Thursday? Oh yea this is the time of the year when the NFL plays a game on its own Network. The NFL Network is on in about 35 % of the country, which is still better than a New Orleans Saints game on the road. In this tough AFC battle the New York Bretts played against the New England Patriots for first place in the East. This game actually went to overtime, did anyone see? Favre was 26 of 33 for 258 yards we guess that is good, but Matt Cassel was 30 of 51 for 400 yards.
Final Score the Jets 34 the Pats 31. This reminds us of the skeleton of a whale.

First up on Sunday let’s go to the bottom. For the first time in a long time we find the bottom in Green Bay Wisconsin. Lovey Smith came to town with his Bears, but when they got off the bus they looked as if they had turned into the Yogi Yahooeys. Are these the Bears that went to the Super Bowl? Or are these the Bears that get beat by the Scooby Doobies? These are looking more like the Bears that just mill around in the stream not sure what to do get a fish so they just splash around. Oh look, there is Bear in the Fox River, lets see what he does. Wow he slapped a fish right out to us, hey is that fish talking? What did it just say? Yes we will keep it to ourselves. The Birth Canal Team of the week is the Chicago Bears? Okay we will not tell any one.
Final Score Da Bears 3 Da Packers 37 A Talking Fish? Huh…

Next let talk about the Crappy game on CBS, and for that we head to the Meadowlands; we had the pleasure of watching this game. The Delaware Destroyer Joe Flacco didn’t have a good game as he was 20 of 33 for 164 yards, but Ellie had the game of his life, we don’t think that anything, even his winning the Superbowl can compare to his stats this week. Let’s take a look and go inside the numbers. He was 13 for 23 for 153 yards. Wow we guess he was relying on the running game.
The Ravens 10 the Giants 30. Wow this was a colossal bore of a game.

Okay so next we find the game that will tell us if the fury a Falcon is equal to that of a Bronco. This game was between two teams evenly matched let’s take a look. One team had 20 first downs and the other had 19 one team had 332 yards of offense and the other had 364 one team had 3 punts the other had only 2. And one team had 6 penalties while the other team had 5. Well this game could have been decided by a flip of a coin at the fifty. How about the best two out of three?
Final Score the Bronco’s 24 the Falldowns 20. How about the best 3 out of 5?

Next we will talk about the game in Indianapolis. The Houston Texans went all the way up to Indiana to play the Colts and the Colts were nice hosts in the first quarter. After that they turned up the Heat and burned the Sage Rosenfels. Matt Schuab showed us why he is best left on the sidelines during this season as he didn’t play again. Schuab is out with the dreaded left knee injury. Houston you have a problem. And it starts with Quarterback play.
Final Score the Texans 27 the Colts 33. Three in a row for the Colts not bad…

Next we travel down to Tuna Cakesville also known as Miami. If the Dolphins are really getting better then why are they struggling with the Raiders? They should not struggle with the freakin’ Raiders. We mean come on. How bad do you have to be to kick a game winning field goal with :35 seconds to go on the clock? Well we guess you have to be 6 – 4 and in second place of the AFC East bad. We are almost tired of making jokes about Al Davis, but here goes… How many owners does it take to kill a Superbowl team in 4 years? Just one if it is Al Davis in a Valor sweat suit.
Final Score the Raiders 15 the Dolphins 17. Tuna Cakes will not be happy…

Okay and we have gotten so upset about this next game that we can hardly say anything about. We guess the one thing we can say is what the hell? And why does Detroit play a game every week. They are just going to lose.
Final Score the Lions 22 the Panthers 31. Guess the Panther is the King of the Jungle now.

Looking back to last year the Chiefs they were 4 – 12 not winning a game after October 21. This year they are 1 and 9 after not winning a game since September, and Herm Edwards still has his job. This has gotten so bad we can’t even make a joke about it any longer, this is just sad.
Final score the S-Aints 30 the Chiefs 20. This could have been better but Megan Fox wasn’t there.

Up next we head to the Buccan game in Tampa Bay. The Viqueens came, played, and lost just like they have before. With the game on the line in the fourth quarter the very best that the Viqueens could muster was…0 yards, that is ZERO yards. How do they do that with the leading rusher in the NFL this year? Adrian Peterson had a good game with 19 carries for 85 yards. Not too bad except that when the game was on the line he had 0 carries for 0 yards. Okay in the Second half Peterson had 6 carries for 14 yards, which means that in the first half he had 13 carries for 71 yards very good and the Viqueens lead 13 to 6. But like Loud mouth Eric says this game is 60 minutes or 4 quarters of 15 minutes each. Jeff Garcia was heard saying “Just keep giving me the Buccan ball” and John Gruden just shook his head.
Final score the Viqueens 13 the Buccaneers 19. Why didn’t AP get the ball more?

Next we will talk about the Crappy game on Fox, so let’s go out to the Bay of San Francisco and find the transformation of the 49ers. Now that San Francisco is starting to turn we can start to see a change. Well they didn’t score in every quarter, they didn’t win the first down battle, and they lost the total yards situation. Then they had more punts and penalties. They lost the time of possession as well. But as the clock was running out in the fourth quarter you could hear Head Coach Mike Singletary singing, “Watermelon, Watermelon, Watermelon Rhine, look on the Score board and see who’s behind.” The more things change the more they stay the same.
Final Score the Ewes 16 the 49ers 35. Nice Cheer coach…

Okay well this next game just baffles us. The Beagles went into the home of the Bungels for what they thought would be an easy win. But with 5:18 left in the game Philly kicked a field goal to tie the game. Then it was a punt-fest. Hey do you know what they say about a tie in football? They say it is like kissing your sister. Didn’t everyone know that? We guess that Donovan McNabb didn’t know that because he thought that game would just continue until someone scored. But let us tell you that you don’t score by kissing your sister unless you live in Arkansas or West Virginia.
Final Score the Beagles 13 the Bungels 13. Or maybe Mississippi???

Up next we find the game in Seattle. Poor Seattle they have lost more games this year than they have in the last two years. This is no way to send your coach into retirement. Hiking up you skirt is no way to show people what you are made of. Trust us we have seen that this year, everyone has seen that this year. Is Coach Mike Holmgren even going to meetings? It doesn’t look like to us. Well we guess that the Freaking Cardinals are going to the playoffs. Holy Crap.
Final Score the Cardinals 26 the Shehawks 20. Damn it the Cardinals are in the playoffs.

Well now it is time to remember the Titans. This week the Titans were challenged by the Jaguars. The Jaguars? Okay, well they made the playoffs last year and did pretty well. This year however they are out of the playoffs. It would take a Miracle. And no not that horse from the “History of the world part 1” movie, Just a quick little note to Jack Del Rio Jaguars head coach. Good Lord you have a team down 14 to 3 and you let them up? You could have been the team that knocked off the undefeated Titans but you ended up just being the next team to lose.
Final Score the Titans 24 the Jags 14. Well let’s see what happens next week.

And lastly on Sunday we find the Chargers have come to Pittsburg. This game was typical Steeler football. Hold the ball until the other team falls asleep then score to win. We are not sure why but the Chargers just can’t get the job done with their offense right now. Now we know that Norv Turner has scored in the past, and he will probably score again in the future but right now it doesn’t look like he could score with his sister in Arkansas.
Final Score the Chargers 10 the Steelers 11. Or Alabama, or Louisiana.

And now we will talk about the Sunday night game. The Cowboys went to Washington, like the new President Elect, with Tony Romo and Terrance Newman to inflict a little change. The Cowboys did some things different, they won. Tony Romo used his Lego Thumb instead of his broken pinky to throw a touchdown. With game still in question in the fourth Quarter Marion the Barbarian took over the game. With 66 yards in the fourth quarter he finished the game strong. After the game Coach Wade Phillips said he talked to Marion just before his last play from Scrimmage and with a wink and nod to the invisible cameraman Marion told his coach it is what it is Lesbian. Then went out and got the first down.
Final Score the Cowboys 14 the Deadskins 10. Hell for the Deadskins Hell for the Deadskins.

And finally on Monday night The Browns came to Buffalo with nothing short of win on their mind. And thank God Brady Quinn got the start he had such a wonderful game that even Ellie Manning would be proud. His stats ended 14 completions on 36 attempts for a total of 185 yards. Wow that is 7 completions per half, at least he is even. Trent Edwards would have liked those numbers. But he had 3 interceptions, meaning that he threw 3 passes to the other team. Not good, just so you know. Hey Romeo you had better thank your lucky stars that you have kicker Phil Dawson as he practically won the game for you… how often does a kicker score 17 points in game?
Final Score Browns 29 the Bills 27. Huh that would have beaten 12 other teams this week.

Well we have come to the end of another week and we sure hope you enjoy this as much as we have putting it together. Hey does anyone else hate those black pants that the Referees wear now that it has gotten cold?

And remember like we always say….

I got a little black book with my poems in.
Got a bag, got a toothbrush and a comb.
When Im a good dog they sometimes throw me a bone.
I got elastic bands keeping my shoes on.
Got those swollen hands blues.
Got thirteen channels of shit on the tv to choose from.
I got electric light,
And I got second sight.
Got amazing powers of observation.
And that is how I know,
When I try to get through,
On the telephone to you,
Therell be nobody home.

I got the obligatory hendrix perm,
And the inevitable pinhole burns,
All down the front of my favorite satin shirt.
I got nicotine stains on my fingers.
I got a silver spoon on a chain.
Got a grand piano to prop up my mortal remains.
Ive got wild, staring eyes.
And I got a strong urge to fly,
But I got nowhere to fly to (-- fly to... fly to... fly to...).
Ooooo babe,When I pick up the phone,
Theres still nobody home.

I got a pair of gohill boots,
And I got fading roots