Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 13 2015

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard

Week 13

2015

 

                Well unlucky week number 13 has just finished up so we can see who found the 4 leaf clover, and who found the 3 leaf clover. A little bit about unlucky number 13: Triskaidekaphobia is fear of the number 13, it is considered unlucky to have 13 guests at a party, and that whole Mayan Calendar debacle a couple of years ago. So Expo they say that nothing you can multiple will get you to 13, but what if we added, can we get to 13? Yes 6 and 7, right 10 and 3, and 8 and 3 and 2. Okay this is getting tired, let’s Kick it shall we?

 

                First up we find that it is Rivalry week. Nearly every match up was a rivalry from the same Division. The Thursday game was certainly a rivalry as the Green Bay Packers went into the Detroit Rot city where they needed a win (Hail Mary Full of Grace) but about half way through the fourth quarter when the Lions took a commanding lead. (The Lord is with thee) it didn’t look like the Packers were going to come back. (Holy Mary, Mother of God) but Aaron Rogers led the Packers on a touchdown drive. (Pray for us Sinners) And Then…

Final Score the Packer 27 the Lions 23. With one untimed down Rogers heaved the ball in the air some 60 yards and into the waiting arms of Richard Rogers for the Game winning score. (Now, and at the hour of our Death)

 

                First up on Sunday it’s the J J Watt show! This week on the show J J will explain the Playoff scenarios for each NFL team, what has to happen for them to be in or out of the playoffs. In the craft section J J will show everyone how make mini Piñatas to hold the mini and fun size candy everyone feels like they need to buy at the holiday’s so they don’t eat as much candy. And in the cooking segment J J will discuss the homeless issues in Houston and what he is going to do to fight homelessness in his town.

Final Score the Texans 21 the Bills 30. Expo did we see this one already? We would have sworn that this is a repeat of one from last year.  

 

                Heck if this keeps we might just have the Blaine Gabbert show next year. Hang on Expo let us stop laughing first. Hell this show would be cancelled while the executives were picking up the phone to call Blaine and tell him. Is there anything worse than having your show cancelled before they even pick out cameramen? Da Bears found something worse as they lost to the 49er.

Final Score the 49er 26 to Bear 20. The Blaine Gabbert show could not even get Boudreaux Butt Paste to sponsor the show.

 

                If you really want to rub salt in the wound of Cleveland, just remind them that there were several other Quarterbacks that were drafted after Johnny Autograph Football. AJ McCarron is one of them. And he came in to the game because 1 he wasn’t drunk on the bye week, 2 he didn’t slap his girlfriend around. 3 The Letters AJ are in the right order, JAF is not in the right order.

Final Score the Bengals 37 the Brownstains 3. 3 points will get you the highly sought after Birth Canal team of the Week! Cleveland Rocks!!!

 

                Well now we have reached that point in time where we need to talk about the Super Duck. Knowing him like we do, he is a friend of a friends mom, who has a sister that used to work with someone that taught him how to shop on line, we can say that he played pretty well 20 of 29 for 268 yards and 9 rushes for 112 more yards, accounting for 4 touchdowns and still needed some of the super duck luck to get past Jacksonville.

Final Score the Jags 39 the Titans 42. So this person taught him how to shop on line, where to find the best deals, how to use coupons and everything.

 

                Next we head to St Louis. Ole screwy Louie, This little game was the battle of St Louis, and apparently the home didn’t put up much of a fight. The Cardinals used to own this town, well they still do, but the baseball team aside, this NFL town once had the St Louis Cardinals until the town could not support the team enough. They moved to Arizona. And the Town went nuts, not Ferguson nuts but nuts like when Lucy pulled the ball from Charlie Brown. So in the Battle of St Louis what does everyone think happen?

Final score. The Cardinals 27 the Ewes 3 yep the Cardinals won. The Cardinals win in St Louis how odd.

 

                Did you ever have one of those games where both teams kind of sucked but a great game ended up happening and you were glad that this game came around? It kind of restored your faith in Mankind and in the NFL? It made you think that you might have had something better to do, but you were glad you didn’t because the game was so compelling? Yea this wasn’t the game.

Final score the Ravens 13 the Olphins 15. If you have 8 first downs and 9 punts in the same game. Well that says a lot about how much you suck.

 

                So the Viqueens just need to keep winning and they will win the NFC North. Let’s see how they did. 9 first downs and 125 yards is not good. 7 punts and 9 penalties, is not good either. And a general malaise that would make a sloth proud. Seattle on the other hand has decided that with 5 games to play this season they had better start playing.

Final score the Shehawks 38 the Viqueens 7. And what did Adrian Peterson do this week? He had 8 rushes for 13 yards. Yippee!!!

 

                My my my, this doesn’t happen near enough, but the battle for New York was waged in New Jersey as the NEW YORK FOOTBALL JETS jets jets, went to the visitor side and played the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS. Nothing could stop these two teams from putting on an incredible show of force and strength. Expo? How are we supposed to get through this without laughing?

Final Score the NEW YORK FOOTBALL Jets 23 the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS 20 in Overtime. Ellie Decided he was not going to be the one to make the call to his father this week. And his phone was Silent, it didn’t make a peep.

 

                So the Atlanta Falldowns played a game and lost. This is a trend that is quickly becoming a habit. You know like a drinking habit, or a Drug habit. We just wonder if the fans of the Falldowns, if there are any left, are jonesing for another hit on the bong that is this week’s loss.

Final score the Falldowns 19 the Tampa Bay 23. Okay so no jokes on the cost of corn. The Falldowns are the biggest joke this week.

 

                Well we have not talked about rivalry week in a few minutes so here we go. The AFC West with strong roots in the AFL had two teams meet in Oakland. The Chiefs went out there and kicked Oakland like the bully they are. Who will stop these bullies from pushing poor little Oakland around?

Final score the Chiefs 34 the Raiders 20. Doesn’t look like anyone will stop the Chiefs this Week. Okay Expo lets do the Cheer… 3, 2, 1… Just suck Baby…

 

                Funny how Brock Osweiler only needed 16 completions to beat the Stupid Chargers. That is right we said it. There is nothing super about these Chargers. They don’t deserve the moniker Super unless stupid follows it.

Final score the Bronco’s 17 the Stupid Chargers 3 after the Game while Brock was getting dressed his phone started to ring, he called to Peyton, to come listen. “Hello? No sir I don’t want to be your son.” Peyton takes the phone and says “Dad, you can’t keep calling this guy, you already have two sons playing in the NFL. Yes you do have to count Ellie.

 

                A blocked punt for a touchdown, a punt return for a touchdown, a 99 yard interception return for a touchdown. That is 21 points. A quarterback who threw for an incredible 14 completions on 24 pass attempts for 120 yards. And everyone is asking what is wrong with the Patriots. We are saying what is wrong with the Patriots Special teams, everyone has a bad game, but really?

Final Score the Beagles 35 the Patriots 28. The epitome of Special were the Patriots special teams. Hell Kermit the frog could have coached them better than that. 

 

                Cam the Fig Newton was at his level best this week, has he just kept coming back. The Panthers were in the City of Smell and Drew Brees was doing his best to suck the Panthers into the Murky Lake Pontchartrain. But that didn’t happen this week. So the Panthers win again, is this Panther team for real?

Final Score the Panthers 41 the Taints 38 during Rivalry week almost anything is possible, But the Taints winning is just about impossible.

 

                The Colts just wanted some Luck against Pittsburg. And in the first half it looked like Matt Hasselbeck was going to have some luck. And he did, but it all turned out to be bad. Ben Roethlisberger had four touchdowns and no interceptions. The Colts had 5 punts, and a lackluster offense and defense.

Final Score the Colts 10 the Steelers 45. The worst thing about this game was that it allowed Chris Collinsworth time to just ramble like a blithering idiot. Well he always blithers like an idiot but this week there was a lot more time for it.

 

                Up next we find the Monday night game.  Finally this rivalry weekend would finally be over. And what better to end rivalry week than to have the Native Americans versus the Cowgirls. For 58 minutes this was not a game, then a game broke out for 2 minutes. With touchdowns, Field goals, kick returns good and bad, and what did you get at the end of it?

Final Score the Cowgirls 19 the Deadskins 16. What we got at the end of the game was Chaos. So we ask, how many other four and eight teams are still in the hunt for a division championship? And really they aren’t in the hunt, but the math says they are.

 

Well that will do it for us this week we hope you have enjoyed this.

And remember like we always say

 

A long, long time ago there was a volcano
living all alone in the middle of the sea
He sat high above his bed watching all the couples play
And wishing that he had someone, too.

And from his lava came this song of hope that he sang
out loud everyday for years and years.

I have a dream I hope will come true
That you're here with me and I'm here with you
I wish that the earth, sea, the sky up above
will send me someone to lava.

Years of singing all alone turned his lava into stone
until he was on the brink of extinction
But little did he know that living in the sea below
another volcano was listening to his song.

Everyday she heard his tune her lava grew and grew
because she believed his song was meant for her
Now she was so ready to meet him above the sea
As he sang his song of hope for the last time.

I have a dream I hope will come true
That you're here with me and I'm here with you
I wish that the earth, sea, the sky up above
will send me someone to lava

Rising from the sea below stood a lovely volcano
Looking all around but she could not see him
He tried to sing to let her know that she was not there alone
But with no lava, his song was all gone
He filled the sea with his tears and watched his dreams disappear
As she remembered what his song meant to her.

I have a dream I hope will come true
That you're here with me and I'm here with you
I wish that the earth, sea, the sky up above
will send me someone to lava

Oh they were so happy to finally meet above the sea
All together now their lava grew and grew
No longer are they all alone, with aloha as their new home
And when you visit them this is what they sing.

I have a dream I hope will come true
That you'll grow old with me and I'll grow old with you
We thank the earth, sea, the sky, we thank too.

I lava you
I lava you
I lava you.