Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 12 2015

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard

Week 12

2015

 

                Here we go again. The Thanksgiving holiday weekend has come and gone. Black Friday is now over, and so is Crazy Sunday. There should be a sprint to the finish. Let’s see if we can get this going. Expo can you kick it please.

 

                Well the Turkey is in the Fryer, the Potatoes are being mashed and the Lions are on TV. So let’s check in with the first game shall we? Well look what we have here. The Lions just scored again. Thanks be to the turkey gods that gave us this game so we didn’t have to miss much of the food. The Beagles seem to be wondering around on the field without a care in the world. Without a care or purpose.

Final Score the Beagles 14 the Lions 45. The Beagles just looked pitiful, Pass the green bean Casserole please. The Lions looked like they had a desire. Can we get another scoop of dressing please?

 

                And now for something that is completely the same. The Carolina Panthers wondered on the field and frankly kicked Toni Romo’s teams Ass. Can you pass that little Pumpkin pie? Oh wait, that was mine? It was intercepted and taken to the living room. Well that is okay, we will have an apple pie instead. Ah Expo just took our Apple pie. Damn it. Now we know how Toni Felt throwing interceptions.

Final Score the Panthers 33 the Cowgirls 14.  Well we bet no one will get this sandwich we made with Fried turkey, and a layer of dressing. Well lookie there, the cat just knocked our sandwich off the counter on to the floor and the dog ate it. We feel like our Collar bone just got broken.

 

                Oh boy, we are so full we can hardly move. Who is playing now? The Packers and the Bears? Okay let’s see. Mmm 13 Punts not what is going to keep us awake for this game? Is it the 15 penalties? Is it the fact that the Discount Double Arron Rogers threw an interception and could only account for 13 points?

Final Score Da Bears 17 the Packers 13. Or is it the fact this is the third game of the day? Even the Discount double check stops at two.

 

                So as we head to the Early Sunday games we find ourselves in the City of Atlanta. This city has not seen this much Fire since Gone with the Wind. The Viqueens blew into town and burned the Georgia dome down. They were not going to let anything stand in their way, not Matt Ryan, not Tevin Coleman, not even Former great Falldown quarterback Steve Bartkowski Who might be able to bring his old team out of this tail spin.

Final Score, the Viqueens 20 the Falldowns 10. Or maybe he can’t bring them out of this funk. Okay Expo do the cheer. Viqueens win, Viqueens win, Viqueens win.  

 

                Next up we head to Cincinnati where the nine and two Bengals invited the Ewes to the jungle. We knew that this would not end well. Tigers and sheep wondering around the field well never end well for the sheep. And it certainly didn’t end well. Nick Foles threw three interceptions and Andy the Red Rifle Dalton threw 3 touchdowns.

Final Score the Ewes 7 the Bengals 31. After the game the Ewes got what we can only call a golden shower. But there was another team that played even worse if you can imagine that.

  

                So the Super duck Marcus Mariota did what he could. But apparently there is a team that can travel across country and Win, and that team is the Oakland Raiders. The Raiders left the friendly confines of Oakland and found a new home in Tennessee. The super Duck tried and failed, throwing two interceptions is not good especially when the Oakland Quarterback doesn’t throw 1.

Final score the Raider 24 the Titans 21. Okay Expo the Cheers are in full effect this week. So let’s do the Oakland cheer. One two three: Just Suck Baby!

 

                Well Tampa Bay went to corn fed Indianapolis to get a few questions answered. 1. Are there any Crab Legs there? 2. Is Matt Hasselback really better now at 40 than he was is at say 30? 3. Is the Corn as expensive in Indianapolis as it in in Tampa bay?

Final Score the Bucs 14 the Colts 25. Answers 1 no fresh crab legs in Indy. 2 Matt is better now than at 30, but still bald 3. And corn is about a dollar and ear in Indy. 

 

                Now let’s move over to Kansas City, home of the Chiefs and Andy Reid. Buffalo came a calling for a history filled old AFL Battle. These two teams have played some knock down games back in the old AFL days, but today Buffalo and Kansas City have only red in Common. Those battles have come and gone, watching Len Dawson and Daryle Lamonica was classic. Now Alex Smith and Tyrod Taylor try to fight those battles and it just doesn’t seem like they can do it.

Final Score the Bills 22 the Chiefs 30. We miss the one lone red Bill on the Helmet. The Arrowhead remains the same on KC’s helmet but the passion just doesn’t seem to be there.

 

                Well the Drunken Irishman Ryan Fitzpatrick went into the Thanksgiving week with the need for a shave. While the Duck Dynasty is in vogue his look was more like Duck dynasty meets Chewbacca. And his performance showed that he is no Samson. As he threw four touchdowns and no interceptions. Enroot to a butt kicking of the Olphins. Way to go J E T S jets jets jets.

Final score the Olphins 20 the NEW YORK FOOTBALL JETS 38. No defense in Miami is beginning to catch up with poor Dan Campbell.

 

                We have to apologize to everyone reading this post. Our expert analysis showed us that the Deadskins were out of it, and since the other teams in the NFC East can’t win a damn game except against one another, we miss calculated and now it looks like the Deadskins are going to possibly be in the playoffs. The Last thing we want to be is Ellie Manning this week.

Final Score the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS 14 the Deadskins 20. After the game Ellie was making a call at his locker. “Hey Dad. Dad? Oh is a recording.” He looked at his teammate and whispered I got his voicemail, I will leave a message. “Hi dad. I didn’t have a real good game today, but I did play, not like that brother of mine who is out with a foot injury. I would never be out for a foot injury. If I can stand up I can throw the ball. And if I can throw the ball I am going to play. I don’t care how many interceptions I throw.”

 

                Well Hello Phillip Rivers, Welcome to the NFL. Thanks for showing up. But have you ever heard the phrase to little too late?  And maybe your fake plant will die if you forget to pretend to water them. Or a day without sunshine is… you know, night. And remember you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Final Score the Super Chargers 31 the Jaguars 25. And who could ever forget. If you could kick the guy in the pants who caused all this trouble. You wouldn’t be able to sit down for a month.

 

                Welcome to the J J Watts show!!! Today we are going to celebrate the victory for the Texans that got their Capital T back in the front of their name. J J will talk about his five tackles his two sacks and how much he enjoyed kicking Drew Brees in the Taint. In the Craft segment he will show everyone how to wrap your Christmas presents like origami Characters, like owls, chickens, ducks and others. In the cooking segment it is the day we have all waited for. J J shows us how to make our own Mayonnaise and mustard.

Final Score the Taints 6 the Texans 24. Yes yes yes, Expo is the DVR set? I need to learn this Mustard recipe. And yes you guessed it. This week’s Birth Canal team of the week is the New Orleans Taints.

 

                Sometimes you have to play the hand you are dealt. In the NFL that usually means that the hand you were dealt was of you own choosing. So let’s look at the hand that the 49er has. You didn’t want your coach, then you got rid of some Superbowl caliber players on defense, then you took a look at the Quarterback situation and decided that Blaine Freaking Gabbert was a better option that Colin Kaepernick. What is next?

Final Score the Cardinals 19 the 49er 13. Maybe the powers that be will decide to change the color of the uniforms to all black? What? They did change the 49er color to all black? Wonderful, great choice.

 

                Up next the Pittsburg Steelers went to the great northwest to find the Shehawks in their natural element. Just a few things stand out to us in this game. Steeler QB Big Ben threw two interceptions. Steeler QB Laundry Jones threw two interception. Steeler wide out Markus Wheaton caught passes for 201 yards. Steeler Punter Jordan Berry punted two times. Big Ben was sacked two times.

Final Score Steelers 30 the Shehawks 39. Oh and Russell Wilson had five touchdowns passes. We guess that is a two only upside down.

 

                We are finally to the game everyone was waiting on. The Sunday night affair with the wounded Denver Bronco’s taking on the equally wounded New England Patriots. Do we still need to designate Boston as New England? Isn’t that kind of outdated? When will they just become “England” or go back to Boston Patriots? It’s been like 350 years? Right? When does the new wear off? We mean it is Boston for God’s sake?

Final Score the Patriots 24 the Broncos 30. After the game when Bronco quarterback got back to his locker his phone was ringing. “Hello? Yes thanks, we did play pretty well and pulled it out in overtime. What is that now? Yes I know Peyton Manning? Fine standup guy, he has been helping me a lot. How do I like he name Manning? Well I guess it is okay. No I really don’t want to change my name. Who is this?”

 

                And finally if you were interested in the Monday night game you must be into some very kinky stuff. This game was just hard to watch. Up to and including the 7 minute piece on Johnny autograph football’s progression this season, how he has turned his life around. And how he is ready to make a difference for the Cleveland Browns. Hallelujah to the Leader in the Sports industry for creating this informative piece to show how much they know about the players in the league and whether or not they can perform at a high level or not. Congrats to them for knowing what is going to happen in the future? Congrats to them for knowing the JAF was ready to get on the field and prove himself in front of his beloved fans. Congrats to the Cleveland Brownstains for sticking to their guns and not Knuckling under the pressure of injuries to actually put him on the field to let him play. Congrats for making this spoiled brat sit with at least one camera watching his everyone move on the sidelines, we only hope that he understands that Cameras are on him on the sidelines, in a bar drinking, or roughing up is girlfriend again.

Final Score the Ravens 34 the Brownstains 27. Oh and yes Just because Blocking a winning field goal as time expires and running it back for a touchdown to win the game has not happen in like 30 years, don’t think that we will not give that play it’s due. We just mentioned it. Ta Da!!!

 

Well there we go again, another week in the books.

And remember like we always say.

 

Velvet, I can wish you,
For the collar of your coat,
And fortune smiling all along your way,
But more I cannot wish you,
Then to wish you find your love,
Your own true love this day.

Mansions, I can wish you,
Seven footmen all in red,
And calling cards upon a silver tray,
But more I cannot wish you,
Then to wish you find your love,
Your own true love this day.

Standing there,
Gazing at you,
Full of the bloom of youth,
Standing there,
Gazing at you,
With the sheep's eye,
And the licerish tooth.

Music, I can wish you,
Merry music while you're young,
And wisdom, when your hair has turned to gray,
But more I cannot wish you,
Then to wish you find your love,
Your own true love this day.

With the sheep's eye,
And the lickerish tooth,
And the strong arms,
To carry you away