Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2015

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2015

Week 1

 

                      Hello Football Fans it is that time again. Football is here and it is time once again. To check in on your favorite team as we stroll down the NFL Boulevard. Time has sure flown bye since we saw our last real game, so let’s see who made the best plays the biggest blunders and created the most “What the hell was that?” moments of the week. So let’s go around the horn and introduce the Crew. Are you ready? Twisting and tweaking the dials is our main man back for another Season. Expo. Say Hi to the fans out there…. Boy did he seem enthusiastic or what?  Well let’s get going for week #1… Expo, can you please get the music going?

 

                First up we have the world champion New England Patriots. Now we still like the Patriot snapping the ball on the side of the helmet, but that is about all we like about the Patriots. Pittsburg came to town and did their best impression of losing team on opening night. They flew around the ball but just couldn’t get it in the endzone enough to win the game. New England plays just to the right the rules. Trying everything they can to gain an advantage. And while that isn’t cheating in itself, trying to Skirt the rules of the game should be.

Final Score the Steelers 21 the Patriots 28. After the game while the reporters were gathered around Tom Brady’s Locker, a Female reporter asked Ole Tom this Question. “Hum Mr. Brady are your balls really as soft as everyone says?” He replied “Yes they are and they are little sore, as every official came and squeezed each one of my balls before the game.”

 

Now to Sunday games, first up we have the game that mattered to no one at all. If there were ever two teams that everyone cared less about than these two teams we don’t know who they are. One team had to travel, which is really sad. Let see what we can see from this game?

Final Score the Brownstains 10 the New York Jets 31. Yes the best stat for the game is that it is over. The lowlights will be available on Betamax for all interested parties.

 

                     If we stay with the AFC East theme the next game would be the Buffalo Bills. Buffalo has a new coach, Rex “Toe licker” Ryan, and New Quarterback Tyrod “TT” Taylor. And a new Running Back LeSean McCoy. But the star of this game was Boobie Dixon, a running back for the Bills, who had 3 carries for 1 yard and scored a touchdown.

Final Score the Colts 14 the Bills 27. People in the stands were cheering for Boobie. Which kind of seemed both Awkward and understandable at the same time.

 

                Finishing off the AFC East for this Week we find that the Miami Dolphins went to Washington and found a win. The US Congress was still trying to find something offensive in the Miami Dolphins name instead of really working towards a solution for any other crisis in America. The Name Change in Washington Reared its ugly head again over the summer but was quickly dismissed again, as we had more important things to discuss like who was going to be offended by what today.

Final Score the Dolphins 17 the Deadskins 10. Interesting we can only guess that everything in the world offends someone. 7 billion people on this planet and about half needs to be shipped to the moon. Straight to the moon Alice.

 

                Next in a Wild NFC North Battle the Packers of Green Bay went to Chicago. They were loaded for bear which was good. Jay Cutler Completed the same number of passes as Mr. Rogers, but was not in the same neighborhood as far as attempts. Cutler had 36 to get to his 18 and Mr. Rogers had only 23.

Final Score the Packers 31 Da Bears 23.  Expo why are you giggling? Yes the Packers name is funny to me as well.

 

                Next let’s head down to the Gateway to the west. ST Louis the home of the Ewes. ST Louis has revamped their Starting quarterback and decided to go in a less injury prone direction. Nick Foles was brought in from the Beagles and showed why he would never make it in Philly. He was 18 of 27 for 297 yards. And no interceptions, he did however have two fumbles lost. Russell Wilson was on a wing and prayer as well, the fans prayed, for his wing to be a little better than it was in the Superbowl. It was not. He took 6 sacks, threw an interception, and completed 32 of 41 passes. But for only 251 yards.

Final Score Shehawks 31 the Ewes 34. Many more games like this and we will have to change the name of STL. The game attendance was 7 for STL, There may have been a baseball game going on.

 

                Thank the heavens above the Jacksonville has great weather. Sunshine and nice breezes and temps that will not be too hot, People will want to get out of their houses and walk along the beach, play some sand volleyball, maybe have a nice meal at an outdoor café. What they will not be doing is watching the slow and painful death of Blake Bortles has he spirals to the bottom of the Quarterback rankings this year. Good News is that next year they will probably get the fit pick in the draft, and a new coach.

Final Score Panthers 20 the Jaguars 9. Three field goals usually wins you an award but not this week.

 

                Welcome to the J J Watts show folks. Today on the show we will have a guest to talk about the good old days when Houston had a good quarterback as Dan Pastorini joins us. We will learn to cook the J J’s favorite thing out on the grill, a hotdog wrapped in hamburger, wrapped in bacon he calls it a “Weiburcon” but we will see about that. And then in Arts and Crafts time JJ will show everyone how to crochet warm little hats for your little football player before it gets to cold. So come on back and join us on the season premiere of the J J Watts Show!!!

Final Score KC 27 the Houston 20. Wow this show sounds more exciting than the game actually. Expo is our DVR set to record? Okay good.

 

                Up next lets all stand up straight and get ready to get kicked in the Taint. New Orleans went to Ari-Freaking-Zona and got their taints kicked. If all you can muster is 4 Field goals in the second half then maybe you should be practicing more instead of sticking pins in little Voo Doo Dolls.

Final Score the Taints 19 the Cardinals 31. The Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals? Really?

 

                Stats can be so deceiving, it is like they are lying to you. Let’s take this one in particular. 7 rushes for 51 yards. Not bad right? Well if you take the longest carry away, he had 6 carries for 26, which might be a more accurate picture of his production. Thank you for the Stats Mr. Amreer Abdullah. Now back to the game.

Final Score the Lions 28 the Chargers 33. Way to stay classy San Diego!

 

                Oh Boy. Look what we have here. The Ravens went to Denver so that the Delaware Destroyer could take on the old gray Bronco. Joe Flacco Vs Peyton Manning a game for the age’s right? This is the kind of things that AFC Championships are made of right? Peyton Manning threw a touchdown pass, and Joe Flacco threw one as well.so that was a wash. Then it was a field goal kicking contest. After the game Peyton was sitting in his locker thinking about the game he played when that old familiar ringtone came from his phone. “When the Saints come marching in.” “Hi Dad” he said as he put the phone up to his ear.

Final Score the Ravens 13 the Broncos 19. “Yes Dad, we won. Hey are you going to watch Eli play tonight?  It is on National TV? No dad don’t say that, he is too your son. Dad. Dad.. Dad, can I talk to mom?”

 

                The more things change the more they stay the same. That is an old saying my daddy used to tell me. And it is never more prevalent than Oakland. The more the Raiders play, the more they suck. They are going back to their old war cry from last year. The Cincinnati Bengals are still showing they know what to do in September, but let’s see what they do in December and January.

Final Score Cincinnati 33 the Raiders 13. The Raiders war cry you ask?? “Just Suck Baby”!!!

 

                 

                Up next we find the classic battle of number 1 versus Number 2. As the draft picks from this past April faced off in hard fought battle. Seem to us that the number one pick should be better than the number two pick and it seems like we have seen this game before. Like I don’t know maybe at the Rose Bowl in early January. But this game turned ugly early, As Marcus Mariota out dueled Jameis Winston. Comparing the two quarterbacks was like well comparing Titans to Corn that is on sale at Farmers Market 5 ears for 5 dollars.

Final Score the Titans 42 the Tampa Bay 14. For those that don’t know the Farmers market will sell 5 ears or corn for 5 buck’s making them a buck an ear.

 

                And now for the game that everyone was waiting all day for, the Mighty Dallas Cowgirls and the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS. This game appeared to mirror this past Superbowl very nicely. Tom “Cough it up” Coughlin has taken the art of Stupidity and confusion to new heights. If, Elli had just knelt down on the ball two times in the final 1:37 of the game, then Touchdown Toni Romo would have had roughly 50 seconds to drive the 95 yards with no timeouts for the Miracle in the Metroplex. But instead Ellie throws the ball out of the endzone, stops the clock and then kicks a field goal that had less meaning than a cat trying to cover it’s nipples with a bathing suit at the beach. Way to go Tom Coughlin, you proved once again that your mind was in the locker room during the game.

Final Score the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS 26 the Cowgirls 27. After the game Ellie was sitting at his locker when he started to dial a few numbers on his phone; the phone just rang on the other end no answer.

 

                Monday night football the institution of 40 years has been ruined by the conglomerate that is ESPN. Jon Gruden tries too hard to explain anything and everything he sees on the screen, we would all be better off if his Microphone was just turned off. But to the game. Slingin Sammy Bradford throw passes like the ball was on fire. Demarco Maurry is certainly glad he wasn’t paid on his production this week, as he rushed the ball 8 times for a total of 9 yards. And well 10 receivers caught passes for the Beagles. It was still too little too late.

Final Score the Beagles 23 the Falldowns 26. Oh bask in the glow of your win Falldown Fans. Bask in the glory of your win.

 

                There is a tradition here at the stroll the one team each will receive the coveted Trophy. And if anyone was looking they would have noticed that this week’s trophy has not been handed out. While there were several nominees there can only be one winner. Which we will get to in a moment. But this game may have provided the all-time of all times. This was a match of the greatest running back in the history of the NFL REGGIE BUSH with the great and powerful Adrian Peterson. Who some consider the greatest running back of all time. So let’s look at the stats shall we? Let’s start with REGGIE BUSH, 2 carries for 8 yards and he had no catches for 0 yards. Adrian Peterson had 10 carries for a total of 31 yards and 3 catches for a total of 21. We think we know who won this battle.

Final Score the Viqueens 3 the 49ers 20. And yes sports fans that Makes your Viqueens the first recipient of the Birth Canal Team of the Week. Enjoy with Pride.

 

 

Well that will do it for us this week. We hope that you have enjoyed it and will continue to enjoy in the coming weeks.

And remember like we always say…

 

 

 

Yeah yeah
That's right
We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk
We talk about your church and your head when it hurts
We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother
About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover
We talk about your friends and the places that you've been
We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin
The polish on your toes and the run in your hose
And God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes
You know talking about you makes me smile
But every once in awhile

I want to talk about me
Want to talk about I
Want to talk about number one

Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, you, you, you usually, but occasionally
I want to talk about me
I want to talk about me

We talk about your dreams and we talk about your schemes
Your high school team and your moisturizer creme
We talk about your nanna up in Muncie, Indiana
We talk about your grandma down in Alabama
We talk about your guys of every shape and size
The ones that you despise and the ones you idolize
We talk about your heart, about your brains and your smarts
And your medical charts and when you start
You know talking about you makes me grin
But every now and then

I want to talk about me
Want to talk about I
Want to talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, you, you, you usually, but occasionally
I want to talk about me
I want to talk about me

You you you you you you you you you you you you you
I want to talk about me

I want to talk about me
Want to talk about I
Want to talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, you, you, you usually, but occasionally
I want to talk about me
I want to talk about me