Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 13

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard

Week 13

 

                Hello football fans and welcome to week 13 of the NFL Season. Let’s take a look at this week what this week held in store for everyone… This was a holiday week for a few teams, so if you are finished with the left overs and that last slice of pumpkin pie then let’s get started shall we?? Expo, Do your thing please!!!

 

                First up what has become a great tradition the Lions had the Bears over for a little holiday cheer. This year the Bears brought everything they could. They brought some fresh cranberries sauce, they brought a lime Jell-O mold, they brought 13 yards of rushing offense, and they brought 18 first downs. Most importantly they brought Jay Cutler.

Final Score the Bears 17 the Lions 34. Let’s just say this week that if you have more first downs, than you have rushing yards, you might need to rethink your game plan.

 

                The next game is battle for first place in the NFC East, a division rich in history, a division that has produced more Superbowl champions than any other Division in Pro football. This game was for Supremacy in the division and a leg up on the division title. The Beagles played like that, the Cowgirls played more like the Beagle put a leg up on them then peed. Was this was the beginning of their December swoon? We just knew that if the Cowgirls didn’t get 9 wins before Thanksgiving, the Cowgirls might not make.

Final Score the Beagles 33 the Cowgirls 10. Should they?  Can they? Will they to nine wins?

 

                And Lastly the Thanksgiving NFL equivalent to Pumpkin Pie is San Francisco inviting over Seattle for the last game. This is the NFL and all games are supposed important but these Thursday games while interesting and it gets your NFL Star out there on the network, is this experiment that is best considered over? These games have become less and less competitive and less and less interesting. Oh yea another NFL game on Thursday, Yippee.

Final Score the Shehawks 19 the 49er 3. At least this game had 1 touchdown and 5 field goals. Yippee

 

                Finally to Sunday we go and look what we find here Johnny Clipboard finally gets into an NFL game. Rushes for a touchdown incites the crowd. Has everyone in Cleveland get excited about the possibilities of this great talent playing for their team. Then does nothing the rest of the game. And now the Brownstains will go back to Hoyer the Quarterback they have had all season.

Final Score the Brownstains 10 Bills 23. Hey Johnny Clipboard, did you forget where you were supposed to be in the next game? Back on the bench.

 

                If anyone knows what is wrong with the Washington Deadskins, would they please tell Jay Gruden, he has no idea. Next thing we know he will be on ESPN which is some sort of Acronym for where old coaches go to talk about what happens on the field now, when they couldn’t figure it out when they were coaching. Indianapolis put a beating on Washington like they were in an elevator at a casino.

Final Score Deadskins 27 the Colt 49. Yea Throwing 5 touchdowns will beat a team almost every week. But it’s still not the worst beating of the week.

 

                Oh no the worst beating of the week, no the worst beating of the season was not Ray Rice, it wasn’t even Adrian Peterson, it was the STL Ewes. Did you ever wonder what would happen when a Sheep and Suck got together? We will tell you what happens.

Final Score the Raiders 0 the Ewes 52. Listen STL we really wish we could give you more credit but your political Statement is blatantly appalling. Remembering that all of you called for Peace after this situation is embarrassing for all of you.  Oh and Raider it goes without saying you are this week’s Birth Canal Team of the week.

 

                Well we can only wonder what will come of the # 3 pick in the draft. And who the Carolina Panthers take. But one thing we know for sure, they will probably suck. Maybe they will take the best deep snapper out of college. Hell at least get something you can use in the draft.

Final Score the Panther 13 the Viqueen 31. 13 Damn points is all you could come up with with 2 weeks to prepare?

 

                Well the Taints worked a little Magic on the Steelers, or should we say a little Voo-Doo? Drew Brees threw as many touchdowns in the game has he had all season it seemed, 5. But after the bye week and playing at home you could not beat a team that hasn’t won a game on the road since the first Bush presidency? Shame on you Pittsburg, Shame on you indeed.

Final Score the Taints 35 the Steeler 32 insert your own joke here.

 

                What we thought would be a terrible game, turned out to be terrible. So what else is there to say?

Final Score the Bengals 14 the Yuccaneers 13. See we told you...

 

                Okay so Tom Coughlin walks into a bar with a pig under his arm and the Bartender says “Hey where did you get that?” The Pig says I won him on a bet... Elisha Manning Walks into a bar with a Duck on his head the Bartender asks “Hey where did you get that?” The Duck Says “I don’t know it started as a bump on my Ass.” The Entire Jacksonville Jaguar coaching staff walks into bar and each orders a drink. The Bartender says “Hey how do intend on paying for these drinks?” The Pig speaks up and says “Tom Cough it up Coughlin will he lost a bet. He bet that there was no way his team would lose if they were spotted a 21 point lead in the first half.”

Final Score the NYFG 24 the Jaguars 25. We think Elisha should have to pay at least half the bar tab.

 

                Next up we head down the coast just a bit as the San Diego Super Chargers traveled to the wrong coast to play Baltimore. We should tell you that the unwritten rule is you can’t travel across the country and win. But the NFL Gods came down from on high and with the Wave of their mighty finger; they pointed to the Super Chargers and said you shall win. Then with 38 seconds to go Phillip River throws a touchdown pass and the Super Chargers Win.

Final Score the Super Chargers 34 the Ravens 33. This could be related to Domestic Violence. But as the commercials have shown the NFL can’t talk about the Violence yet, so when they do we might find out.

 

                Up next we tune in to the J J Watt Show. “Hi this J J Watt, and Welcome to my show. I decided that while I am the hottest NFL Commodity I should take advantage of all the publicity. This week I will be doing some great things that I wanted to let you know about before the game starts. I will be sacking the Quarterback twice. I am going to have 3 solo tackles; I am going to catch another Touchdown pass. I am going to dance on the sidelines, like I am chaperone at a junior high dance. I am going to make some paper Mache Christmas Ornaments, I am going to invite everyone born between the years of 1972, and 1973 a come to my house and pick up these Ornaments for their own tree, and if they don’t’ have a tree I will chop one down from my own backyard. So Stay Tuned.”

Final score the Titans 21 the Texans 45. The Drunken Irishman Ryan Fitzpatrick was involved in the 7 touchdowns this week thou the reports only credit 6 to Houston. 1 touchdown was credited to Tennessee.

 

                Here we are with another Bird Fight. So like two ostriches in an epic battle. Both teams buried their head in the dirt till it was all over. Thank goodness the games are only 3 hours.

Final Score the Cardinals 18 the Falcons 29. Really? Really??

 

 

                The next game was the game that everyone was wanting to see. This game was hailed as a Superbowl preview. So let’s see what happened shall we? This game turned on the play of one player. Tavon Wilson. This New England Patriot who was drafted in the Second round of the 2012 draft. While growing up in Washington DC area he found his inner Middle American soul when he went to Illinois to play college football. This season the Free Safety has been playing wonderfully in the Bill Bella-cheat defense. But today with the weight of the entire Superbowl preview on his shoulders he failed to make a tackle solo or assisted. He had no pass defensed, Hell we wonder if he was even on the field.

Final Score the Pats 21 the Packers 26. If he had made one tackle when the Packers were scoring a touchdown the game might have been different.

 

                Sunday night turned into Sunday night again which is what we were waiting on. The Kansas City Chiefs had seen what had happened to the Bronco’s the last time they ventured into Missouri and was hoping that the result would be the same. But the Real Peyton Manning showed up and not his sister. And we all know what the means.

Final Score the Bronco’s 29 the Chief 16. After the game a Reporter asked Peyton “What was different today than the last time you were in Missouri?” Peyton relied. “Well, I didn’t have any cramps this time that is for sure.” Oh boy…

 

                And Finally on Monday night, boy is this game fitting. We know that the scheduler just puts the games on the schedule and the Network Executives gets to make the decision has to which game to put on the network. Except on NBC who, for some reason, at the end of the season gets to put the games they want on Sunday night. But the Game that ESPN took was the a Tough battle that we are sure that everyone was willing to Skip. We are sure that all the 5,000$ suit wearing executives said “It doesn’t matter, we are Monday night Football. We will have all Football fans tune in.”

Final the Olphins 16 the J E T S 13. Yep this game had 25 people watching on TV, and 18 of those were ESPN employees and the other 7 were related to the players.

 

That will do it for us this week.

And remember like we always say…

 

Yeah, There was a funky singer Playin' in a rock & Roll Band
And never had no problems yeah Burnin' down one night stands
And everything around me, yeah
Got to stop to feelin' so low And I decided quickly, Yes I did
To disco down and check out the show Yeah they was

Dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down that boogie and play that funky music till you die
Till you die , oh till you die
( Gonna play that electrified funky music ,, yeah )

 Hey wait a minute Now first it wasn't easy
Changin' Rock & Roll and minds And things were getting shaky
I thought I'd have to leave it behind
But now its so much better ( spoken: its so much better )
I'm funking out in every way
But I'll never lose that feelin' ( spoken: no I won't)
Of how I learned my lesson that day

When they were.....
Dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down that boogie and play that funky music till you die
Till you die , oh till you die

They shouted play that funky music
Play that funky music
Play that funky music
Gotta keep on playin' funky music
Play that funky music