Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard Week 9

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard

Week 9

 

                Okay so here we are Week 9 and the games are starting to heat up, and the teams are starting to heat up. And the weather is starting to cool down. There are a few teams Bye this week and we would be remiss if we didn’t tell you who it was. The Bills, are off, as are the Titans, Chicago is off but can anyone tell? The Falldowns, and Packers, are off as are the Lions. Expo if you don’t have anything else let’s get to it!!!

 

                First up on Thursday night we thought that we were going to finally get away from Phil Simms twice a week. But it sure didn’t sound like it. When we flew by, there he was yammering of about how Drew Brees was not Tom Brady, or some such. Cam “the Fig” Newton, looked more like the Slightly more famous Olivia Newton out of the field tonight, but she was a little more physical than “the Fig”, who had 4 sacks and interception and a fumble.

Final Score the Taints 28 the Panthers 10. Holy cow did Simms just compare Newton, Johnny Clipboard?

 

                First up on Sunday the Jaguars went to Ohio for a battle with the Cincinnati Bengals. The Red headed Step child was at it again, as Andy Dalton passed his way to another victory. This game was like talking to Uncle Fred at Thanksgiving, you know you have to do it, you dread it the whole time, and then after word you feel like “Gosh I wish I was in a different family so I didn’t need to talk to him.”

Final Score the Jags 23 the Bengals 33. Come on everyone has an Uncle Fred. You know the one who makes all the stupid jokes, and talks way to loud. And always looks at your mom in that weird way?

 

                Next up remember when we talked about Cleveland playing Oakland for the worst record in the NFL. Well look who upgraded their schedule this week. The Tampa Bay returned to smelly old Cleveland to play the Brownstains. On Cleveland’s tour of who can I play that sucks this week? They got the Yuccaneers. So the last three weeks the Brownstains have played three games and the three teams have 2 wins. And one of those wins was against the Brownstains themselves.

Final Score the Yuccs 17 the Brownstains 22. Who the hell scores 22 points in an NFL Game?

 

                Now we get to the game at the Cowgirls Stadium. Has anyone ever noticed that the Stadium the Cowgirls play in is facing the wrong way? It seems that the engineers decided that the Teams should travel east and west. That way each team would face the Sun in their eyes at least one quarter each game. That is Brilliant. Seems fair right? So why the engineer wouldn’t have just make a Quarter turn to the right (we don’t have to get all NASCAR and go Left) and the Problem is solved right? No sun in anyone’s eyes.

Final Score the Cardinals 28 the Cowgirls 17. The Cowgirls have lost 3 games so far, but all three of those were at home. Maybe the sun is in their eyes when they are at home.

 

                There are times when this old world will just give and give and give something to you that you just can’t stand anymore. When that happens to children they usually just sit in the corner and suck their thumb. Adults will rationalize that what they are feeling is just a passing phase, that they can handle the pressures of the day by changing something in their environment, like say a new Quarterback. Sometimes it works out great, the Redskins VS Cowgirls last week. Sometime it doesn’t work out.

Final Score the J E T S 10 the Chiefs 24. After the game Rex Ryan was found in his Office sitting the corner, sucking on the toe of a Manikin.

 

                OMG. What has happened to the San Diego Super Chargers? We know that not everyone can fly across the country and win, but you made this entire experience just awful. So how was Miami? Because it looked like you guys had Norv Turner as the head coach again and oh maybe big bird at running back? Hell we could keep naming Muppets, but let’s us get to the most important part of the show shall we?

Final Score the Chargers 0 the Olphins 37 So everyone please stand and Face San Diego from where ever you are. And give them the Birth canal Salute. Hey San Diego thanks for playing, well maybe we should thank San Diego for not playing.

 

                So the Best thing that Colt McCoy did the week before was to play him right out of a job. After beating the Cowgirls on Monday the night the Washington team decided to play Robert Griffin the 3. Now if you were going to stand them up next to one another and pick a quarterback, we can see why you would choose Robert Griffin the 3. He does have two Arms, and a couple of legs, he Eats subway sandwiches when they aren’t taken away from him. And then there is that other thing.

Final Score the Deadskins 26 the Viqueens 29. Yep, that is right, Colt McCoy does not have what Robert Griffin the 3 has, and that is dread locks. And has everyone knows that makes you special.

 

                For us there is nothing better than looking through the stats after the game finding the Real story. This week for example the Houston Texans had an interesting tidbit on their defensive stat sheet, Ryan Fitzpatrick, you remember him right? The Quarterback for the Texans had this line on the defensive stat sheet. No tackles, no assists, no sacks, and no pass defense, no Fumble recoveries, no interceptions, no forced fumbles; it is almost like he wasn’t even out there when the Texans were on defense. Interesting, since he is the damn quarterback on Offense. And look who else should up on the stat sheet this week. Mark “Dirty” Sanchez, and here we thought he was coaching in the Lingerie League. But no here he is passing out Dirty Sanchez’s like everyone likes them.

Final Score the Beagles 31 the Texans21. J J Watt didn’t do enough to win the game, but he was better on defense than Ryan Fitzpatrick, but that isn’t saying much.

 

                Okay, with the controversial ending in this game it seems that the Football gods have intervened. Who in their right minds would have picked the Ewes to Travel to California to play the San Francisco? So if you were to tell us that the Ewes would score 13 points, that they would only have 13 first downs and that they would have less than 200 yards of total offense. We would have agreed. But if you were to tell us that Colin Kaepernick was going to take the snap at the one foot line scrap the ball against the butt of the center and then drop the ball, we might have believed that. but that is was going to happen on a play with 7 seconds left in the game, and that no one from the 49ers was going to recover the ball, and that the 49ers were going to lose, then we might have had to shake our head.

Final Score the Ewes 13 the 49er 10. Well we can say one thing. At least one sports team in Missouri stood up and beat one of those Stupid San Francisco sports teams, but who the hell thought it would be the Ewes?

 

                So the game that everyone wanted to see turned into a farce. Apparently whenever Peyton gets east of the Mason Dixon Line he turns into his sister. After the game he was asked “What happened out there, what were they doing to you? You never seemed to get into a rhythm.” Peyton replied “Well my Shoulder pads just didn’t fit right, not sure if I got mine or Kicker Britton Colquitt’s. I just know that my Upper body wasn’t feeling right; you know it is kind of like when you try on a new pair of shoes. Maybe a pair of white flats, but your ankle’s are a little too fat, and they don’t look right, so you then want to get something with a taller back to them, but all of those just have too much hill, and lord everyone knows what can happen when you wear a pair of shoes with too much of a heel.”

Final score the Bronco 21 and the Patriot 43. Huh, yea, east of the Mason Dixon line he plays like his sister and talks like her too…

 

                Is there anything left to say about the Raiders that hasn’t already been said?

Final score the Raider 24 the Shehawks 30. Well we will say that the Raiders Suck. Oh wait we have already said that haven’t we?

 

                Okay they Experts say that this game is the best Rivalry game in the NFL going right now, it is not the battle for Missouri, it is not the battle for Texas, and it is not even the battle for Ohio. Or even the Battle for New Jersey. It is the battle for… the hum Battle for the huh… well they have some pretty big knock down brawls. But when it comes down to it the Battle between Pittsburg and Baltimore it is really for Last place, since that is what the Loser got. It is kind of like playing a game and the loser wins the poop flavored Popsicle. Yummy. But before we go, if you have not seen the play where Terrell Suggs made a tackle on a running back low, and from behind, and looked like he was trying to hurt him, watch it. Because it is the perfect example of how football should never be played. And why he is a worthless excuse for a player. 

Final score the Raven 23 the Steeler 43. He has no respect for the game, or the people in it, or for himself.

 

                So on Monday night the Indianapolis Colts came to New Jersey and the Giants rolled out the red carpet. They had snacks, and Drinks, Lots of Gatorade on the sidelines, some finger sandwiches, a veggie tray, and a sliced cheese tray, with crackers. It didn’t help. Because like the Consultant that upper management hires to come in to make you more efficient, they just ate and drank, made the suggestion to fire the older staff and rehire some college kid who will work for less money and no benefits.

Final Score the Colt 40 the Giant 21. After the Game Head Coach Tom Coughlin was asked “Have things gone so bad this season that  he can’t get them turned around?” Tom thought for a moment and walked out in front of the podium and said “I can see your point. But what you can’t see is that I can still do this.” At which point he held his arms out and tilted his head back and started to spin in a circle. Some of the players came out of the locker room to cheer their coach on and started to count 9, 10, 11, and 12. When they got to 15 he stopped and looked the reporter in the eye and said “I can still turn around, 15 times and I am not real dizzy.” We aren’t sure that is what she was talking about but okay.

 

Well that will do it for us…

And remember like we always say.

 

Baby I'm preying on you tonight
Hunt you down eat you alive
Just like animals
Animals
Like animals-mals

Maybe you think that you can hide
I can smell your scent for miles
Just like animals
Animals
Like animals-mals
Baby I'm

So what you trying to do to me
It's like we can't stop, we're enemies
But we get along when I'm inside you, eh
You're like a drug that's killing me
I cut you out entirely
But I get so high when I'm inside you

Yeah you can start over you can run free
You can find other fish in the sea
You can pretend it's meant to be
But you can't stay away from me
I can still hear you making that sound
Taking me down rolling on the ground
You can pretend that it was me
But no, oh

Baby I'm preying on you tonight
Hunt you down eat you alive
Just like animals
Animals
Like animals

Maybe you think that you can hide
I can smell your scent for miles
Just like animals
Animals
Like animals-mals
Baby I'm

So if I run it's not enough
You're still in my head forever stuck
So you can do what you wanna do, eh
I love your lies I'll eat 'em up
But don't deny the animal
That comes alive when I'm inside you

Yeah you can start over you can run free
You can find other fish in the sea
You can pretend it's meant to be
But you can't stay away from me
I can still hear you making that sound
Taking me down rolling on the ground
You can pretend that it was me
But no, oh

Baby I'm preying on you tonight
Hunt you down eat you alive
Just like animals
Animals
Like animals-mals

Maybe you think that you can hide
I can smell your scent for miles
Just like animals
Animals
Like animals-mals
Baby I'm

Don't tell no lie, lie lie lie
You can't deny, ny ny ny
The beast inside, side side side
Yeah yeah yeah

No girl don't lie, lie lie lie (No girl don't lie)
You can't deny, ny ny ny (You can't deny)
The beast inside, side side side
Yeah yeah yeah

Yo,
Whoa
Whoa
Just like animals
Animals
Like animals-mals
Just like animals (Yeah)
Animals (Yeah)
Like animals-mals (Yeah)
Ow

Baby I'm preying on you tonight
Hunt you down eat you alive
Just like animals
Animals
Like animals-mals

Maybe you think that you can hide
I can smell your scent for miles
Just like animals
Animals
Like animals-mals
Baby I'm

Don't tell no lie, lie lie lie
You can't deny, ny ny ny
The beast inside, side side side
Yeah yeah yeah

No girl don't lie, lie lie lie (No girl don't lie)
You can't deny, ny ny ny (You can't deny)
The beast inside, side side side
Yeah yeah yeah