Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 11

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard

Week 11

 

                Oh my Week 11 is in the books and boy did things get crazy… WE thought we were going to go crazy over the next few weeks, but before we get started let’s do something a little bye shall we? The J E T S Jets Jets Jets are riding into the bye this week, just as Baltimore will not be bullying anyone. The Jaguars are still trying to find their way home from London, and the Cowgirls, are on their bye, so no one talk to them please. Expo, if you are ready we are ready and you can do that thing you do, Kick it…

 

                First up the Buffalo Bills went head first into Miami, really the only way to you can do Miami, full on and head first. Most of the time you really don’t have an issue, you might get a little sunburn, you might wake up with a headache. And then there is the occasion where you just party too much on Lady’s night and wake up next morning with old familiar taste of bad mojito and shame in your mouth, next to a trash can on a street that you don’t remember being on and no Pants on.

Final Score the Bills 9 the Dolphins 22. At least you had some lacy pink drawers on, but where did that Tattoo come from, and what does that say? Hutchie Coochie??? Oh no…

 

                So on Sunday the first game shows us that the Viqueens head to the forest to wrestle a bear. Now there is no Yogi, no boo-boo, not even a Winnie the pooh who stood up for old Chi-Town lately, but this week? No this week was different.  After spotting the Viqueens 10 points the defense started to play and so did Jay Cutler. We are not going to say that he had a whale of a performance but he did play well enough to beat the Viqueens which isn’t saying much.

Final Score the Viqueens 13 the bears 21. While the rest of the Bears were hibernating they guys went out and played just enough to win.

 

                Up next we head to the mistake by the Lake. Yes Expo, we have to talk about Cleveland. Right they are a team in the NFL, and they deserve all the publicity that we can give them, so are you ready? Okay that is better, Houston Defensive Tackle J J Watt did his thing, and he had 4 tackles, 1 assist and 1 sack. He sold tickets at the Rock and roll Hall of Fame; he also completed in and won a piano bar duel in the Flats. He sold more Popcorn and Lemon Chills in section 16 than anyone else ever. He also caught a touchdown pass.

Final score Texans 23 the Brownstains 7. And yes we gave Cleveland all the attention they deserve.

 

                Can we talk about how the Shehawks are playing like it is 2009? We mean they had 372, yards, 25 first downs; they had the ball for almost 10 more minutes than the Chiefs. While the Chiefs had 2 more turnovers. But like my daddy used to say “Sherman” he called me Sherman because that is my name, he said “Sherman, Elephants are going to eat peanuts, because they are good.” And I cried because I thought that elephants were going to eat Charlie Brown.

Final Score the Shehawks 20 the Chiefs 24. Then he said “Hey… Why are crying? Charlie Brown isn’t dead… he was never alive to begin with. How can you die when you never lived?”

 

                Next up the Ewes invited the Broncos over for a friendly game of pinochle. But when they arrived the ewes pulled off their clothing and revealed the wolf underneath. After the game Peyton Manning was asked “So Champ what were they doing out there to you?” Manning replied “well it is like this; with all the success I have had I can’t help but have a crappy game every now and then. It is kind of like when you go to your closet looking for those pants that just feel right, you know, they pair that don’t bind up anywhere. The ones that have that extra space right where you need it, and yea they are faded, but you love them anyway right? But then you find them and the Cat has thrown up on them?” that is way I feel. The cat has just thrown up on my favorite pair of pants.”

Final Score the Bronco’s 7 the Ewes 22. Hey Ewes, 5 Field goals and one touchdown doesn’t usually beat Peyton, but he has some issues at the moment, so glad you catch him when he was down.

 

                Now we will head to Land of Voo-Doo Dolls, and the Devil. When the Taints found this game on the schedule they wanted to do everything they could to get back on the winning track. So they practiced, they worked hard, they game planned, they stuck pins in Dolls, the ground up chicken bones. But no amount of witchcraft could stop the Red headed step child Andy Dalton.

Final score the Bengals 27 the Taints 10. You can insert your own Taint joke here…

 

                There is just something a little funny about the next game. When the 49er headed east to play the Giant, some people took notice and said that there was no way that the Giant could fall to 3 wins and 7 losses. And then Elisha came right out and drove the Giant right down the field and scored a touchdown. Who would have thought that it would be the only touchdown they would score. After the game Head coach Tom Coughlin was asked what his team needed to do in upcoming games. “Certainly, I do. But do you? Do you think I like standing up here and answering your questions? Yes I know what we need to do. We need our Quarterback to focus on his team and stop throwing the damn ball to the other team so much. This maybe the worst year any Manning has ever had, and that is saying a lot since one Manning didn’t even play football.

Final Score the 49er 16 the Giant 10. 5 Expo. Do you know how many 5 is? What? Yes 5 is one for every finger on the right hand including the thumb. Great you can count. Not what we were looking for, but okay.

 

                When you start a game with one team that is 3 and 6 and one team is 1 and 8 how can anything good come out of it. But that is exactly what happened this week when the Yuccaneers went to Washington. And interesting fact is that since Colt McCoy beat the Cowgirls the Deadskins are 0 and 2. They may be the only team that didn’t score on their bye week. We are so glad that Robert Griffin the 3 is playing now because everyone can see that there is still no leadership in Washington at all.

Final Score Tampa Bay 27 the Deadskins 7. Did we just read that??

 

                Who has 5 wins and is leading the NFC South?

Final score Atlanta 19 the Panther 17. Yep nobody. None of this bunch of goofballs have gotten to 5 wins yet. Rah Rah Yuck.

 

                Okay in the tough AFC Battle of West teams the Raiders went to the San Diego to play the Super Chargers. Did anyone see this game? This was riveting television. We mean how many games can be summed in just a few words?

Final Score the Raider 6 the Super Charger 13. Those words are horrible, vomitus, dreadful, Unpleasant, Disgusting, and Abominable. And no Expo before you ask there were not any Snowmen there, this is Southern California. But there is one other word, Suck and you know who that word is for.

 

                Oh boy does anyone think they can stop the Green Bay Packers? It doesn’t look like anything can stop them, they are a machine, and we are not talking about one of those machines that will not take your Dollar bill no matter which way your put it in the machine. We mean damn, we just wanted the package of nerds.  Well the Eagles tried but failed. Oh they scored 20 points which is good but like the Football Gods say…

Final Score the Beagles 20 the Packer 53. “After the Battle the team with the most points shall be the victor.” Seem okay to us.

 

                So if you were looking for a game this Sunday with a Lion and a Cardinal going at it, you have come to the right place. This game had everything, except, a rushing touchdown, an interception for touchdown, a fumble, a blocked punt, REGGIE BUSH, an on-side kick. It didn’t have a streaker, it didn’t have Morganna the kissing bandit, and it wasn’t delayed due to snow, or sleet, or weather of any kind.

Final score The Lion 6 the Cardinal 14. Yep it had everything except the above mentioned items. But it did have one thing. this week’s Birth Canal Team of the Week So say hello to the Detroit Lions, this week’s soft little patch of fur.

 

                You know we could talk for hours Like Chris Collinsworth on how great the New England Patriots are at this moment but his quote says it all. “Wow they are playing better than anyone right now, except maybe Green Bay and Arizona, but other than those two teams the Patriots are right up there.” With analysis like that how can you not be the best in America right?

Final Score the Patriots 42 the Colts 20. Other than John Gruden is Chris Collinsworth the worst on TV?  And that list includes Pam Oliver, Erin Andrews and Tony Seragusa.

 

And finally the Steelers did what the always do. They just lull everyone to sleep and pull a game without anyone even knowing it. This should never have happened. But then again, it was Tennessee and if anything good was going to happen it wasn’t going to happen to them.

Final Score the Steelers 27 the Titans 24.  

 

Well that will do it for us… We hope you enjoy this as much as we did.

And like we always say…

 

Some legends are told
Some turn to dust or to gold
But you will remember me
Remember me for centuries
And just one mistake
Is all it will take
We'll go down in history
Remember me for centuries
Remember me for centuries

Mummified my teenage dreams
No, it's nothing wrong with me
The kids are all wrong
The stories are off
Heavy metal broke my heart

Come on, come on and let me in
The bruises on your thighs like my fingerprints
And this is for tonight
I thought that you would feel
I never meant for you to fix yourself

Some legends are told
Some turn to dust or to gold
But you will remember me
Remember me for centuries
And just one mistake
Is all it will take
We'll go down in history
Remember me for centuries
Remember me for centuries

And I can't stop 'til the whole world knows my name
'Cause I was only born inside my dreams
Until you die for me, as long as there is a light, my shadow's over you
'Cause I am the opposite of amnesia
And you're a cherry blossom
You're about to bloom
You look so pretty, but you're gone so soon

Some legends are told
Some turn to dust or to gold
But you will remember me
Remember me for centuries
And just one mistake
Is all it will take
We'll go down in history
Remember me for centuries
Remember me for centuries

We've been here forever
And here's the frozen fruit
I could scream forever
We are the poisoned youth

Some legends are told
Some turn to dust or to gold
But you will remember me
Remember me for centuries
And just one mistake
Is all it will take
We'll go down in history
Remember me for centuries
We'll go down in history
Remember me for centuries