Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 8

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard

Week 8

 

                Halfway thru the season we find ourselves in quite the little situation here. On the one hand you have the halfway point of the season, and on the other hand you have a whole half of the season to go. It makes for some interesting propositions. But before we can do that, we have to talk about who is bye this week.  Oh wait contractually we can’t say Bye when 49ers are not playing and but we can tell you that every day the phone still doesn’t ring for Elisha. As the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS are also off. Okay Expo, Kick it kind sir!!!

 

                First up there was a lot of talk about Peyton Manning Breaking the NFL Touchdown Passing Record, and rightly so. Hell throwing the ball for that many touchdowns has not been done before, hence the record. After a touchdown pass against the Super Chargers the Peyton Ran over to the sidelines and the phone was ringing. Peyton picked it up and Said “hello?” the voice on the other side of the phone said “Hey Hey I need to page someone at the game?” “Okay who are you looking for?” he replied. “Last name Balls, First name Harold. Can you see if he is on the sidelines there? He is kind of old and goes by Harry” Peyton started yelling “Hey has anyone seen Harry Balls over here? No really come on Guys I am looking for Old Harry Balls.”

Final Score the Super Chargers 21 the Broncos 35. And you thought we were going to use the old Mike Hunt bit.

 

                First up on Sunday in a game that could only be played out of this country the Detroit Lions headed to merry old England to play a game against the Atlanta Falldowns. You know the GREATEST RUNNING BACK in the HISTORY of the NFL was there. You See Earlier in the week a reporter asked REGGIE how it was going to feel playing in the motherland. He replied “Well I hope I don’t get Ebola playing in Africa, I mean shoot I don’t want to catch that? Do you? Hey Calvin Johnson do you want Ebola?”

Final score the Lions 22 the Falldowns 21, even with a 21 point lead at halftime the Falldowns can’t win. Oh and just so you know neither Reggie nor Calvin made the trip.

 

                We have finally found the kryptonite for the Baltimore Ravens. It is Red heads. It looks like whenever the Ravens are playing a red headed Quarterback, their eyes roll back up in their heads and they start thinking of happier times. With a 5 and 3 record 2 of Baltimore’s losses have come at the hands of the Red headed Andy Dalton.   After the game Dalton was sitting at his locker ready to sign Autographs, when the Baltimore Equipment guy Showed with a bushel basket full of shoes, and a sharpie.

Final Score the Ravens 24 the Bengals 27 Andy was writing his name on the bottom of every Baltimore shoe, so that they knew he owned them.

 

                Next we find that the current Houston NFL Sports franchise team is going to play the former Houston NFL/AFL sports franchise team. In a Weird Twist of fate this would be the Bud Adams Dixie Athletic cup game of the week. JJ Watts for everything he did, which to mention just a few things, had 3 solos tackles, 2 Sacks one pass batted down, ate a peanut and banana sandwich, Led the crowd in a rousing rendition of “Jail house Rock” Took a fake “Selfie” with Titan Quarterback Zach Mettenberger and chaperoned a dance.

Final Score the Texans 34 the Titans 17 Okay JJ bring it on down a little now…

 

 

                There is a medium sized chunk of rock that some consider worth fighting for. That hunk of rock is known as Missouri. Just like in the Civil War times people fought for the north and the south. This battle was fought east of the Mason Dixon line. And Damn if the West didn’t win. Still stinging over the loss in the baseball playoffs, the Ewes Traveled across the state some 4 hours and face off with World Series bound Kansas City.  In the grand scheme of things ST Louis didn’t hold up their end of the bargain in baseball and they didn’t in the Football either.

Final Score the Ewes 7 the Chiefs 34. We think the only person happy after the game was Andy Reid because he was able to eat some Bar B Que.

 

                If anything was going to happen it was going to be here. Chicago, we mean isn’t Chicago like the happiest place in the world? We mean really next to any Disney you put Chicago up against and it runs a close second right? Who else could come to you house and pull your pants down and spank you till your bottom was beet red and you just pull up your pants and say thank you. Thanks Tom Brady for spanking us like you did.

Final score the Pats 51 the… 23. There are still no words for the collapse of this once proud franchise.

 

 

                The only thing to cheer in this next game is that the Geno Smith Experiment is finally over. And so may be the toe lickers’ job. Geno Smith had a stellar performance. Let’s just say that when you throw more passes that are intercepted than are caught by your own team. You might not be a good Quarterback. If as a quarterback you fumble the ball 4 times and lose it twice you might not be a good quarterback. If you take a snap drop back to throw and then fall down like 4 times you might not be a good quarterback. If you have ever been convicted of running an illegal dog fighting ring you might not be a good Quarterback.

Final score the Bill 43 the NEW YORK FOOTBALL JETS 23. If you want to lick you Quarterbacks toe, because they remind you of snuasages you might have a toe licker for a Coach. Sorry that one really didn’t match up, but it was kind of funny right?

 

                Do you know what sucks worse than losing in the NFL? It is losing to the Viqueens. And you know what sucks worse than that? Is losing to the Viqueens in overtime. But that is just what Tampa Bay did. Before we get to this game Could Bud Light have a worse Commercial on the Air than that stupid guy who is up for anything, when they make is Living room over into a Pirate Motif? It gets worse because then Warren Sap shows up and drags his dumb ass out to the back yard where they put up a Pirate Ship complete with Cannons. How stupid.

Final Score the Viqueens 19 the Tampa Bay 13. Ooh can I fire the cannons? No you can’t because this is all fake. Even John McKay doesn’t have a backyard like this dumb ass.

 

                Okay everyone knows that you can’ travel across the country and Win, but we guess that you can beat the Panthers. This team looked like a big bunch of lazy Cats, lying around watching the mice steal cheese without a care in the world. Some of us were forced to watch this Marvel of American football, and after the game we see why people in Brazil love soccer. Well since the Word “Cat” is code for that most intimate part of the woman’s body and basically Carolina just laid around all day and watched their Kicker go out and score points, we are faced with choice. We could give the Birth canal Team of the week to no one, or we could give it to the Carolina Panthers.

Final Score the Shehawks 16 the Panther 9.  So face Carolina and know that the soft patch of fur is all over their body…

 

                When the Miami Dolphins and the Jacksonville Jaguars get together all bets are off. These two teams are just what the experts say. They are… they Huh... Expo? What is this? No we don’t like this. Even when this game came on the SAP Button didn’t work on our TV we thought it might be interesting to listen to the game in a different Language. Hell even Cuba didn’t care about this game… 

Final Score the Olphins 27 the Jags 13 if Cuba doesn’t care, then why should we.

 

                Everybody loves a good Bird fight right? Unless it is Big Bird fighting the San Diego Chicken Count us out, okay. No one likes a good Bird fight, not an Eagle or Cardinal, not a hawk or a falcon, not even Birdman and Hawk man. There really isn’t a good Bird fight.

Final score the Eagles 20 the Cardinals 24 Best stat from this game is that there were 21 accepted Penalties for 200 yards. Watching the Referee march back and forth was akin to watching Zebra, forage for food.

 

                Do you remember a few weeks back when we said that a game to decide who was going to the get the first pick in the draft?

Final Score the Raiders 13 the Cleveland 23. Yea we know. There you go. Another Raiders loss…

 

                So the Greatest Game of the day had to be the Last Day game that matched the Indianapolis Colts with the Pittsburg Steelers. This game had everything a quarterback man could want.  Big Ben and they don’t him that cause he is left handed, was 40 of 49 for 522 yards and 6 touchdowns in the game. He also made a couple of incomplete passes to some teenage girls outside the bathroom around Section 112 during halftime. The odd thing was that on the Sidelines big Ben could hear someone screaming at the top of their lungs. “You aren’t as good as me, you aren’t as good as my Son and you aren’t even as good as my Daughter.”

Final Score the Colts 34 the Steelers 51. Did Archie go to the Game? He did have a free Sunday.

 

                Next up the Sunday night game. Now before you ask, yes we were waiting all day for Sunday night. As painfully awkward as last year’s opening theme music was this years is possibly worse. How else are you going to get the Average Wife to watch the game and not put on some ABC TV Show like “Scandal” or “Once upon a time” or maybe watch the little mermaid for the 10,000 time? No we need to watch the Football game where football player men are going to dance and wave flags, and pose like they won the Heisman trophy, or just act silly. Yea that is going to keep your female Audience…

Final Score the Packers 23 the Taints 41. Not only were the Taints at home, but Arron Rogers needed a Triple check as he got hurt in the game.

 

                So a real game of Cowgirls and Indians broke out in Ebola Texas on Monday night. And if the Poor Dallas Fans didn’t have to live down the indignity of Jerry Jones, and Toni Romo, shooting the President in 1963, and Ebola in 2014, now they have to face the fact that they lost to the Redskins and their third string Quarterback. Don’t get us wrong Colt McCoy played a great game. But doesn’t everyone say, “Hey we thought you sucked but today you didn’t, your are great in our eyes now.” no they do say stuff like that but it was the defense that got carved up, it was an offense that suddenly could not figure out of to pick up a blitz, it was the Quarterback who thinks his best move is to spin out of trouble and throw the ball up for grabs. And one more thing, you are in overtime, you have the ball on your own 20 yard line, you run the ball for 8 yards on first down. Now what do you do next?

Final Score the Redskins 20 the Cowgirls 17. Yep that is right you put the ball into Toni Romo’s hands let him throw 3 incompletions and pack your water bottles shake hands with the other team and go to the locker room. 

 

Okay that will do it for us. We hope that you have enjoyed this as much as we have…

And remember like we always say…

 

Like a bluebird with his heart removed
Lonely as a train
Ive run just as far as I can run

If I never see the good old days
Shinin in the sun
Ill be doin fine and then some

How long, how long
Woman will you weep?
How long, how long
Rock yourself to sleep

Well I been doin time in a lonesome prison
Where the sun dont shine
Just outside, the freedom river runs

Out there in that shiny night
With bloodhounds on your mind
Dont you know its the same sad situation?

How long, how long
Woman will you weep?
How long, how long
Rock yourself to sleep

Everybody feels alright you know
I heard some poor fool say, somebody, ooo
Everyone is out there on the loose

Well I wish I lived in the land of fools
No one knew my name
But what you get is not quite what you choose

Tell me, how long, how long
Woman will you weep?
How long, how long
Rock yourself to sleep

How long, how long
Muddy River runs so deep
How long, how long
Good night baby, rock yourself to sleep
Sleep tight baby, rock yourself to sleep
B-b-b-bye bye baby, rock yourself to sleep