Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 5

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard

Week 5

 

                Well here is week 5 and are we ready for it? We think so, was everyone ready for this week? We will let you know if the team was ready. But before we start there were a couple of teams that were off. The Olphins don’t have to worry about playing D this week, and the Raiders, well they are behind on their bye week, losing to no one. Okay, huh let’s see, we talked about who was ready to play this week, we talked about the bye week teams, made a joke about Oakland? Okay Expo Kick it, that what the Agenda says to do.

 

                First up on Thursday, we had the Viqueens going to Green Bay, and if anyone wondered why the Viqueens drafted Teddy Bridgewater, then Christian Ponder is the answer. Ponder looks confused, pun intended. So in taking inventory, Bridgewater is better than Ponder, Viqueens backups are not as good as Green Bay’s first teamers. Three turnovers almost always gets you beat. And one more thing.

Final Score the Viqueens 10 the Packers 42. Yes Christian Ponder sucks, Packer were ready to the Viqueens weren’t.

 

                First up on Sunday we travel to the Home of the great Dallas Cowgirls and the Battle for Texas. JJ Watts had 4 solo tackles and one missed sack. Toni Pomo had 2 touchdowns passes and a couple of Miracle plays, that whole Spin to your right, and throw the ball up and let Dez Bryant make a play, that 9 out of 10 times he drops, well how do you not win, even in overtime. Three turnovers usually cause you to lose but today it didn’t.

Final Score the Texans 17 the Cowgirls 20. Three turnovers is a loss unless you are playing the Texans. Then you have a chance. It didn’t look either team was ready to play.

 

                Next we go to the Battle of Lake Erie, the East side travelled to the West side, as the Buffalo Bills try to keep a Strangle hold on First place in the AFC East. The Bills need to win to stay in Frist place. But they were up against the GREATEST RUNNING BACK IN THE HISTORY OF THE NFL REGGIE BUSH. Let’s take a look that the Awesome Production Today REGGIE had 6 carries for 13 yards. And 2 Catches for 30 more yards. A total of 43 yards. And it looks like the Bills might have found a quarterback, as Kyle Orton stepped in for the Sucking EJ Manual.

Final Score the Bills 17 the Lions 14 Oh boy the Bills are standing tall still in the AFC EAST. But can they survive?

 

                Well let’s go to the record books shall we? No team had ever comeback after being 25 points down on the road to win. But if any team was going to it would be against the Tennessee Titans. During the second half the Titans just didn’t show up. And really why should they? They were up 18 points at the halftime gun. Then they apparently had Mexican food at halftime and took a Rip Van Winkle nap. And the Brownstains came back.

Final Score the Brownstains 29 the Titans 28. Tennessee had another horrible game with no effort for a half. What else can we say?

 

                Usually when Baltimore gets 4 turnovers in a game, they win. And when Indianapolis gets 3 Turnovers they usually win. So you can see the issue here right? One team has 3 turnovers and the other has 4. But one has Andrew Luck, and the other doesn’t. And that ended up being the difference in the game.

Final Score the Ravens 13 the Colts 20. Baltimore scored late, but it didn’t matter.

 

                Okay okay okay. We get it. Really we get it. The Taints can’t play on the road, they can only play at home, where they are eating a catfish and Blue Oyster po-boy sandwiches with Shrimp mayo Slathered on the top bun at every pregame meal. Okay really we get it. So did they think that they were playing on the road this week because of the Yuccanneers uniforms? If the sandwich isn’t enough to give you an upset stomach then uniforms should have.

Final Score the Yuccanneers 31 the Taints 37. In Overtime? Really Overtime? The Taints need overtime to beat Tampa Bay?

 

                So Poor ELISHA can’t seem to get the call he wants from home after each game, but he just keeps going. This week and the Head Coach of delusion Tom Coughlin seemed to be on the same page, is it just us, or are these the games that don’t matter if win them, but if you lose them you are out of the playoff picture? Someone should tell the Falldowns because they are not doing well at all. But no one is really running away with the NFC South anyway.

Final Score the Falldowns 20 the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS 30. After the game ELISHA sitting in front of his locker reflecting on his game, as others around him tweeting and received tweets from loved ones, Elisha’s phone never rang. He signed and said, I am the ugly girl who never gets a call to go to the prom…

 

                So what do we say about this next game? The Ewes went to Philadelphia, and got beat. That is not the surprising part, the surprising part is how they only lost by 6 points. It is like the Beagles were trying to give the game away, they had 3 turnovers, but the Ewes had 3 turnovers as well. This is football people, not hot potato.

Final Score the Ewes 28 the Beagles 34. So let’s throw out a Fumble recovery for a touchdown and a blocked punt for a touchdown for the Beagles and this game might have been different!!!

 

                My oh my. Boo Boo can’t be happy about this. Da Bears got in a fight with the Panthers and had them on the run. Then the game gets to halftime, and Jay Cutler starts to play like Jay Cutler. And then the Bears were looking for some cave to hide. We have thought about it for a long time and we aren’t sure that Boo Boo is an accurate representative for the Da Bear Nation. We may have to refer to them Winnie the Pooh’s.

Final score Chicago 24 the Panthers 31. Hey Winnie the Pooh fans. You can’t spell Choke Without CH-icago…

 

                Okay so how does this Schedule maker do this? Pittsburg is a team that is about as exciting as watching water boil. You watch and watch and watch, and then finally the pot starts to bubble and the game is over and you look up at the score and you see Pittsburg is ahead and you didn’t even realize they had even started the game.

Final score the Steelers 17 the Jaguars 9. Wonderful, we just burned our pot trying to get water to boil.

 

                So it is time to talk about Peyton Manning. After he threw for his 500^th touchdown pass he headed over to the sidelines and was checking out the pictures of the defense, like normal, when the sideline phone rang. Papa Manning was on the other end of the line to congratulate, “Son that is a great accomplishment. I am so proud of you! I knew you could do it; you have some pretty good genes in you. I can’t think of a better person in the world to pass that Crappy old Brett Favre’s touchdowns record.” Peyton just nodded and keep saying “huh, uh…” he then asked if he father “Dad do you know how Elisha did in his game?” the phone went silent for about 10 seconds then Papa Manning said “Can’t you just be happy for yourself without mentions that younger one?” then the phone went dead.

Final Score the Cardinals 20 the Bronco’s 41. Peyton hung up the phone and headed back on the field and threw another touchdown.

 

                So we all know that teams can’t travel across this great country of ours and win a football game right? The odds of winning a game on the road are less than 50 %. The odds of the J E T S winning a game on the road after traveling across country are 0%. and low and behold that is what they scored. So after the game, in the locker room the Head coach was asked what how he thought his team did. “ Well I know one thing, our starting Quarterback had a rough day, and our back up provided a little spark, but it just wasn’t enough to get us over the top.” So your Quarterbacks were 12 of 31 for 74 yards with 2 sacks and no touchdowns and 1 interception, did you just read that? 74 yards. That is unbelievable.

Final Score the J E T S 0 the Super Chargers 31. And just in case that this is your first time reading this, we give an award to the Team that performs most like that most womanly of Lady parts. But it would be a disgrace to give that to this team. The Birth Canal Team of the week is too good for the J E T S. They will have the moniker for the week, but they would have to play better considered a Birth canal. (No amount of grooming or surgery is going to make this look any better we are just saying)

 

                 So is it embarrassing to lose to a kicker? Sometimes no, Maybe the big bully offense will march down the field in a closely fought game and then this kicker runs out on the field, kicks a 42 yard field goal and wins the game. so there are times, but when your bend but don’t break defense lets the other team drive on them like it was route 66 and just kick field goal after field goal after field goal after field goal after field goal. And yes that was 5 field goals; they score one touchdown and Shazam! They win.

Final Score the Chiefs 17 the 49ers 22. We bet Andy Reid was looking for 5 Crabs and not field goals.  

 

                And finally on Sunday night we find that the people of Boston were upset with their team. It seems that Al and Chris were pretty well fixated on that fact from talking to Bill Bela-cheat and Tom Brady. We are not sure who else they talked to, but it seemed like they had a personnel conversation with everyone as they walked in the stadium. And according to their data, the Fans of the Patriots were going to let the Coach continue on another week, and Tom as well. But if they don’t get it together they might be canceled soon. Like the fans have anything but opinions.

Final Score the Bengals 17 the Pats 43. So opinions? Everyone has them, and they are like elbows. All bendy and stuff, but you can’t really look at yours so you have to look at someone else’s to form an opinion about your own.

 

                Finally the Monday night game, could the week be over so quickly? The Seattle Shehawks travel to the Nation’s Capital and found a team in disarray. Washington just has too much on its plate, what with the Robert Griffin 3 making subway commercials, and hurting his ankle, and Kurt Cousins playing quarterback, their name change is still up in the air but you don’t hear anything about that do you? No and it is just sad, how losing will make people not even care anymore. No one wants to change the team name now do they?

Final Score the Shehakws 27 the Deadskins 17. While the score was close, the game wasn’t.

 

Well that will do it for us this time.

Remember like we always say…

 

Now I taught the weeping willow how to cry,
And I showed the clouds how to cover up a clear blue sky.
And the tears that I cried for that woman are gonna flood you Big River.
And I'm gonna sit right here until I die.

I met her accidentally in St. Paul (Minnesota).
And it tore me up every time I heard her drawl, Southern drawl.
Then I heard my dream was back Downstream cavortin' in Davenport,
And I followed you, Big River, when you called.

Then you took me to St. Louis later on (down the river).
A freighter said she's been here but she's gone, boy, she's gone.
I found her trail in Memphis, but she just walked up the bluff.
She raised a few eyebrows and then she went on down alone.

 

Well, I pulled in to Natches next day down river
But the Warden was there to make the round to stay very long
When I left it was raining, so nobody saw me crawl
Big river, why she doing me this way?

Now, won't you bat it down by Baton Rouge, River Queen, roll it on.
Take that woman on down to New Orleans, New Orleans.
Go on, I've had enough; dump my blues down in the gulf.
She loves you, Big River, more than me.

Now I taught the weeping willow how to cry, cry, cry
And I showed the clouds how to cover up a clear blue sky.
And the tears that I cried for that woman are gonna flood you Big River.
Then I'm gonna sit right here until I die.