Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 4

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard

Week 4

 

Well here we are, week 4. We are now 25% of the way through the season, and we are starting to see who has a little something, and who needs to take some penicillin to get rid of a little something. As customary we here will tell you who is not playing this week as the Bronco’s and the Bengals, are taking the week off. The Ewes and the Brownstains off, but no one would know. There are just two more as the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals and finally the Seattle Shehawks. Expo let’s get this going!!!

 

                First up since The Broncos were off the NFL thought they might as well give the both Manning Quarterbacks off on Sunday. So the NFL made sure that the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS played on Thursday, you remember Thursday right? The day that doesn’t deserve football unless you are cooking Turkey and Pumpkin pie as regular scheduled Thursday game is over kill and unsafe. But let’s get to this game Washington was trying to spread cheer like it was Christmas. With 6 turns you are never going to win. That is the really the only stat you need to know.

Final score The NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS 45 the Deadskins 14. After the Game while ELISHA was sitting at his locker, he waited for the phone call from his father, but the phone never rang and a big tear rolled down ELISHA’s Cheek.

 

                First up on Sunday we find that the Packers head to Chicago looking for a fight with a big ole bear, what they found was a bear cub roaming the field lost and confused. Goodness gracious if Jimmy “The pickle” Clausen gets to throw a pass for your team, then you know what is next right? Right?

Final Score the Packers 38 Da Bears 17. If Jimmy “The Pickle” Clausen is playing quarterback for your team, you must really be in a pickle… Right Expo? Right??    

 

                Next up Indianapolis holds the ball for nearly 43 minutes and Tennessee can’t seem to beat an egg with a mixer in each hand. Do we really have to tell you about this game? Andrew was pure Luck in the game, good for Indy, and Bad for Tennessee. Didn’t the Indy defense know that Jake Locker was probably their best player, and he is on the Tennessee Offense?

Final Score the Titans 17 the Colts 41. We have a new game, instead of Monkey in the middle the game will now be known as Titan in the middle; Kids enjoy this new version…

 

                Oh my goodness, we didn’t even realize. But if anyone can do it this guy can. Tony Saprano has been named the new Raiders Head coach. So out with old and in with the new, hey Ba-Da Bing. You know what we are talking about? We have heard the Pauly Walnuts is going to be the new offensive Coordinator and that Big Pussy was going to take over has the Defensive Coordinator. What is that Expo? What? Big Pussy is not the new Defensive man in Oakland? What?

Final score the Olphins 38 the Raiders 14. Okay well we are sorry for getting your hopes up, the new head Coaches because his name is Tony Sparano, so never mind.  You can see our mistake right?

 

                Well it seems to be fitting that we address the New Jersey team now. Geno Smith is making a mockery of the quarterback position, but that is not what you come here for right? You come to find the Stats for the greatest running back in the history of the NFL. REGGIE BUSH came to New Jersey and he was like a kid in the candy store, juking and jiving to 46 yards on 12 carries. Wow… but he also had the ball thrown to him 6 times, but he only caught 4 so the other two must have been under throw because he can run faster than the wind can blow. And he had 19 whole yards on the 4 catches. So then you can guess with production like this that the Lions had to have won right?

Final score the Lions 24 the J E T S 17. 65 yards of production, but at least he didn’t fumble the ball.

 

                So after having more than 50 points scored on them, and heading out on the road and to a hostile environment the Yuccaneers looked to just keep their head down and try to make the game close. And when Ben Roethlisberger decided to spend the fourth quarter handing out # 7 jersey’s to high school girls coming out the Women’s bathroom outside of section 223, Mike Glennon decided to score twice in the fourth quarter to steal a game. Embarrassing is one of the words we would like to use, freaking incredible, gross, and horrible, are also in the mix, if we go in Alphabetical order.

Final Score the Yuccaneers 27 the Squealers 24. How Disgusting big Ben. You got beat by Mike Freaking Glennon. Yuck…

 

                Well it is now time for the Punch Bowl. That is right the Ravens invited the Panthers to town on Sunday at we call the Punch Bowl.  The Only two franchises to have players suspended for Domestic Violence seem pretty fitting that they would play in the Punch Bowl right? The Ravens slapped around the Panthers around. Seems like they play pretty well when Ray Rice is not on the field huh?

Final Score the Panthers 10 the Ravens 38. So when the NFL resends the Suspension for Mr. Rice we hope that Baltimore does the right thing, and just cuts him.

 

                So now it is time for us to tell you how great JJ Watts was this week. He only had 2 solos tackles, Assisted on 3 others, had a pass defense, and intercepted a pass and ran it back 80 yards for a touchdown. He solved a Rubik’s cube in 4 moves, without taking any stickers off, he passed out free IPHONE 6’s to anyone named Leroy in the first row of the stadium, and wrote a thesis for the cure for the common cold. He tamed three horses at halftime and got them to jump through a ring of fire.

Final Score the Bills 17 the Texans 23. Oh yea he did one other thing, he got EJ Manual Labor fired, as the Bills will have a new quarterback next week…

 

                There are so many things wrong with the next game. We need to get started on them to fit them in here. Well we don’t know where to start.

Final Score the Jaguars 14 the Super Chargers 33. Okay if the Jaguars were in the game then that alone was enough everything you needed to know.

 

                Well you know it happens every year. There is always one. And this year it looks like the Atlanta Falldowns are going to be it for this season. And that IT is the team that can’t figure out how to get out of the tunnel one week, and can’t lose the next. So after scoring more points that most WNBA games one week, they give up nearly that many the next. When this team looks in the mirror they don’t see Dr. Jekyll, or Mr. Hyde. What they see is something far worse.

Final Score the Falldowns 17 the Viqueens 41. One week they see the hammer, the next week they see the Nail. Not good for a football team…

 

                So do you really want to know what happened? Really? The Philadelphia Beagles got a Blocked punt for a touchdown, they got an interception return for a touchdown and they got a Punt return for a touchdown. With those 21 points not due to anything the offense did Chip Kelly’s Vaunted Offense went out on the field and had 213 yards that resulted in 11 first downs and 4 turnovers. This team can’t travel across the country and win.

Final Score the Beagles 21 the 49ers 26. Damn the Beagles had 12 carries for 22 yards, even REGGIE BUSH had more yards than that this week.

 

                Have you ever heard the old saying that less is more? You are watching it each week, as less Toni Romo is better for Cowgirl fans. The Taints might as well not show up when they go out on the road. Oh wait they don’t show up when they go on the road. What are the taints having for pregame meal? Weed and hash? Somebody get the Guys some Popeye’s Fried Chicken.

Final Score the Taints 17 the Cowgirls 38. We are all for this revelation, hell the less Toni Romo the better. And yes we will call them the Taints till they quit getting kicked in it every freaking week.

 

                And Finally the Monday night game. Are we watching the demise of the greatest sports franchise in the history of the NFL? We don’t think so. But for a long time the New England Patriots slapped teams around like they didn’t have a care in the world. But now they are getting beat like a drum. Tom terrific had a line that looked more like Jimmy Garoppolo. And who is that? That would be the backup Quarterback for old Bill Bella-cheat.

Final Score the Pats 14 the Chiefs, after the game head coach Bell-cheat was answering questions when one reporter asked him “Did you ever think you would see this again” to which the coach answered, “Well I never thought I would coach like I did when I was starting out in Cleveland” “Oh no coach” the Reporter said. “Did you ever think you would see this again? The Birth Canal Team of the week trophy?” Coach replied, “Well I guess we get something from this game.”

 

Well that will do it for us this week. We hope you have enjoyed this as much as we have.

And remember like we always say…

 

I wanna tell you 'bout Texas Radio and the Big Beat
Comes out of the Virginia swamps
Cool and slow with plenty of precision
With a back beat narrow and hard to master

Some call it heavenly in its brilliance
Others, mean and ruthful of the Western dream
I love the friends I have gathered together on this thin raft
We have constructed pyramids in honor of our escaping
This is the land where the Pharaoh died

The Negroes in the forest brightly feathered
They are saying, "Forget the night
Live with us in forests of azure
Out here on the perimeter there are no stars
Out here we is stoned immaculate"

Now, listen to this and I'll tell you 'bout the heartache
I'll tell you 'bout the heartache and the loss of God
I'll tell you 'bout the hopeless night
The meager food for souls forgot
I'll tell you 'bout the maiden with wrought iron soul

I'll tell you this
No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn

I'll tell you 'bout Texas Radio and the Big Beat
Soft, driven slow and mad, like some new language

Now, listen to this and I'll tell you 'bout the Texas
I'll tell you 'bout the Texas Radio
I'll tell you 'bout the hopeless night
Wandering the Western dream
Tell you 'bout the maiden with wrought iron soul