Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2014 week 1

Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard

Week 1

 

Hello Football Fans and welcome back to the Stroll. Just to remind you here we look at each game and put our own spin it. We will, along the way, discuss things with the crew, then at the end tie everything in a cute little bow. Sound like fun? Well here we go then. Now ladies, please hold your applause till the end but yes we have a returning starter back in the fold. He tried something new and well we will not call it an abject failure but here he is the one and the only, doing what he does best… Expo, will you kick it for me please???

 

                First up we start at what the NFL calls their World Champions. Yep the Seattle Shehawks are your champions and that means that they get to play at home, raise their Superbowl banner, and generally make everyone nauseated. Okay we get it, you have a loud crowd, and you have stolen your phrase from some college team, to call your own. So let’s get to the game, Russell Wilson Completed 19 passes and Marshon Lynch ran around in the field like he was getting Skittles at every house he was trick or treating to.  Green Bay was… well green with jealousy, this was the first game of the season and looked a lot like the end of the season last year. With Seattle bullying someone.

Final Score Green Bay Packers 16 Seattle 36. Okay Okay… we get it Go Hawks…

 

                So Finally a Sunday game where the games should be, a beautiful day to get started right? So let’s go to the Dome, the Georgia dome in particular, last year we just knew that Atlanta wasn’t as bad as they played, and this week they promptly came out and got behind to the New Orleans Saints 20 to 10 at the half. But then something happened in the Second half the Falcons started to play like it was 2012 and the Mighty Falcon rode the Arm and Foot of the Matt Brothers to an overtime victory. When the Foot kicked the ball true at the end of each half and the in overtime the Falcons won the game.

Final Score the Saints 34 the Falcons 37. Really? You are going to start the season with Mighty Falcons? On Game one?

 

                Next we head to another thrilling game. This was another overtime one. It looked as if Jay Cutler was twice as good as his counterpart. Jay had 34 completions with 2 touchdowns, but had 2 sacks and 2 interceptions, While EJ Manual Labor had only 16 completions, with 1 touchdown, he had only one 1 sack and threw only one touchdown. We guess you could say that less is more? Well Buffalo has a long way to go but  this should help.

Final Score the Bills 23 Da Bears 20. What did Boo Boo do to deserve this??

 

                Sorry if we giggle just a little but to all those folks who thought that Alex Smith was a great quarterback, and that the Forty-niners were dumb to give up on him. It looks like the Chief fans might be as well; three interceptions will make a town turn on you. Has evidence we would like for you to find the picture of the Chiefs Stadium with about 6 minutes to go in the game. It was empty. And we mean empty like there was announcement that they were giving away Girl Scout cookies away for free in the parking lot to the first 60,000 people in line.

Final score Titans 26 the Chiefs 10. We will take a box of thin mints please…

 

                And now we head to what has been the site of the worst tragedy in the history of the town of Ferguson. Slingin Sammy Bradford is out for this season, and the Ewes are back to their old ways again. So if we were to tell you that we predicted that the poor old Sam was a bit too fragile for this game here in St Louis, If guessed that he would hold up for about 10 games a season, which is great, if your season is 8 games, but this is a 16 game season, and that makes it not good. Sorry Ewes Fans. Oh and let’s look at the great Adrian Peterson, who is on his way to 2200 yards this season. He had 21 carries for 75 yards, not bad. But when you tackle him it is hard for him to get going right? After the game Ewes head coach was asked if he knew if his team could be a candidate for this week’s Birth Canal Team of the week.  He responded “Well if we don’t win it this week, we can always try next week.

Final Score the Viqueens 34 the Ewes 6. No no coach, this week is fine. You can have the trophy. Thanks St Louis for accepting the first week’s award.

 

                Well it is happening, did anyone notice? The Patriots are in LAST place in the AFC East. They are behind everyone else. It is crazy how the Patriots can lose a game to the Dolphins no less. Tom Terrific was able to score just as many points in the second half has Kermit the Frog has scored. And that would be 0. Seeing that score crawl across the bottom of the screen was a Joy to behold. We digress, as the AFC East is probably theirs, unless Miami can win at least 9 more games, let the countdown begin…

Final Score the Patriots 20 the Dolphins 33. Poor Tom Brady first is wife’s team gets hammered in her football game then he gets hammered in his… ha ha ha ha!!!

 

                As much as people would like to cheer for the J E T S Jets jets jets, it is hard. First they have a quarterback with the name of Geno Smith. And then they have a backup quarterback named Michael Vick, and then they have a coach who likes to lick woman’s feet. Is that enough to dislike them? If not we can continue, but not today. Next the Oakland Raiders, well the Raiders seem to always fall prey to the old football adage. You can’t travel across country, thru 3 time zones and win.

Final Score the Raiders 14 the J E T S 19. This game must have been something to miss, we are sure most of the country did…

 

                Okay so here is a game of two half’s. The Philadelphia Eagles decided not to show up in the first half. We don’t even think they fielded a team and the Jaguars scored 17 first half points. Thinking that they had done all they could, they stayed in the locker room in the second half the Eagles ran up and down the field like no one was there, because basically there wasn’t. If your leading rusher is Toby Gerhart, you might have a need for a running back. Just saying.

Final score the Jaguars 17 the Eagles 34. Heck the Jags ran the ball for 64 yards the whole game. Just wow…

 

                Up next we find a big AFC North Battle as the Brownstains of Cleveland headed to Pittsburg. The game had all the components of a preseason game as both teams only played their starters for a half. Pittsburg likes to get out to an early lead, then stumble till the final three minutes run out and kick a field goal for an oh so dominating win. If they were required to win by a touchdown each week, then they would probably lose. Speaking of probably losing, hey Johnny football, was it a kick in the head to not start the game?

Final Score the Brownstains 27 the Steelers 30. And yes it was a kick in the head for Cleveland punter Spencer Lanning.  Not only does he have to play in Cleveland but Antonio Brown kicked him in the head.

 

                Next we find that the Baltimore Ravens are going to live life without Ray Rice. Now before Bob Costas comes on your TV to tell you everything you never wanted to know about domestic violence. Let me interject something first. There is never a time when a man should hit a woman, if she is pushing his buttons, he should walk away, if she spits on him, he should walk away, if she kicks him in the most intimate area he should walk/limp away. No matter what she does, he should walk away. Now on the other hand, if a man hits a woman she should report it, if a man hits a woman she should not marry him. If a man hits a woman once, she should know that he is going to hit her again. If a man hits a woman she should get away. Leave him, he is not worth the time you have on this earth. We really don’t care how old you are domestic violence is the lowest form fighting. It is bullying pure and simple.

Final Score the Bengals 23 the Ravens 16. We aren’t sure how else we can make this point, if you are a male, you don’t hit a female, not matter what she does. Case closed. Hey Ray Rice pretend that you just got a career ending injury, because you just did.

 

                Okay so here we go; The Houston Texans are on a roll. 1 in a row. And whoever didn’t think that JJ Watts was worth 100 million dollars didn’t watch this game. The only thing JJ didn’t do was… huh well there wasn’t anything that he didn’t do. He had a sack, and knocked down a pass, he blocked an extra point, and he sold hotdogs in section 12. He gave a coke to a young girl name Shiloh, with her name on the bottle.  Rubbed spray on tan a couple of cheerleaders that missed spots around their belly buttons. He did color commentary of the halftime for his Satellite radio show. Put a roast in the oven, and cooked two pies one in the third and one in the fourth quarter.

Final Score the Deadskins 6 the Texans 17. One in a row Folks. 1 in a damn row. Best team in Texas on Sunday?

 

                Do you want to really know what is wrong with the cowgirls? Everything is wrong with the Cowgirls. They bleed from the top down. Even the bottom man on the practice squad is not very good. (Pun intended) From the owner all the way down the only thing they have going for them is that they wear the star on their helmet. If you could name one thing about them that is good we can find something wrong with it. Quarterback? Enough said. Tight end, great player, declining because of 12 years in the league, Left tackle? He had a false start on the opening play of the game. Defense? Shut your mouth. 49ers should have made the score differential 49 points. They could have hung 50 on them if they want.

Final Score the 49ers 28 the Cowgirls 17. The score may have been close but the game was over at the half, when it was 28 to 3.

 

                Wow everyone’s pick to have a great season was the Tampa bay Buccaneers. We see that has fallen down by the way side.  If Josh McCown is your answer, then the question is who will suck at Quarterback for Tampa Bay this season? Cam Newton was the best player on the field and he stayed on the sidelines the whole game. Even hurt he was better than McCown. Basically the Yuccaneers could have run the punter out there on First down and probably still lost the game.

Final Score the Panthers 20 Tampa 14. Is this world so devoid of quarterbacks that Josh McCown has a job? Where is Matt Schaub?

 

                And finally on Sunday we got to see the hairless Tony Dungy. Does anyone hear anything this man says? We can’t we are just memorized by the skull that is talking on the screen that we can’t hear anything he says. Thank the lord he is not on the screen the entire one and a half hour pregame show. We are so glad that there are 22 other people that NBC feels like they have to get an opinion from, or throw to for the obtuse question. If ever there was a show where lots of people are talking but no one says anything it is a tossup between this show and “Face the Nation”. Then finally the game comes on and we are treated to another joy of life, Chris Collinsworth. But we digress; let’s get to the game, one that featured the old guard versus the new guard. The best Quarterback versus the best new quarterback. In a game of Peyton versus Andrew, the choice was clear. This game wasn’t as close as the score would indicate.

Final Score the Colts 24 the Bronco’s 31. Peyton took the fourth quarter off, and still won the game…

 

                So this new trend, and we say new knowing that it has been going on a few years is a double header on opening Monday night. The best thing about this is that there is a game on ESPN that doesn’t include John Gruden. Some people may love him. He is hip; he is the player’s guy. But we think secretly that no one wants to talk to him, or go inside that creepy trailer and watch film. But this game isn’t about ESPN; it is about REGGIE BUSH, the greatest Running back in the history of the NFL. We all know that everyone loves them some REGGIE, so let’s take a look at his numbers shall we. 9 carries for 15 yards, with a long of 6.  But he had 8 catches for 49 more yards. Hey at least he didn’t fumble the ball this week. Or get hurt. Folks that is 64 yards of production this week.  Only thing worse than REGGIE BUSH’s play was the play of Elisha Manning.

Final Score the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS 14 the Lions 35. Elisha was 18 of 33 for 163 yards   a very high school like performance.

 

                And then finally the last game of the night. Just so you know if you lived in say Los Angeles CA (where the NFL desperately wants a team) you would have seen 7 of the 16 football games this opening weekend. Is that over exposure? If you lived in say Absaroka County Wyoming you would have seen at least 6 of the 16 football games this opening weekend, but we don’t think the NFL is dying to put a team in Wyoming.  Okay getting to the game. All the experts say that the next team to challenge the Broncos for the AFC title is the San Diego Chargers, we say if you can’t get by the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals, then well good luck with all that.

Final Score the Chargers 17 the Cardinals 18. Okay you have a 17 to 6 lead going into the fourth quarter and you lose. Horrible…

 

Well that will do it for us this week… we hope that you have enjoyed this as much as well have…

And remember like we always say…

 

Said farewell to my last hotel
It never was much kind of abode
Glasgow town never brought me down
When I was heading out on the road

Carlisle city never looked so pretty
And the Kendal freeway is fast
Slow down, driver, wanna stay alive
I wanna make this journey last

Helen, hell on wheels
Ain't nobody else gonna know the way she feels
Helen, hell on wheels
And they never gonna take her away

M6 South down Liverpool
Where they play the West coast sound
Sailor Sam, he came from Birmingham
But he never will be found

Doin' fine when a London sign
Greets me like a long lost friend
Mister motor, won't you check her out?
She's gotta take me back again

Helen, hell on wheels
Ain't nobody else gonna know the way she feels
Helen, hell on wheels
And they never gonna take her away

Got no time for a rum and lime
I wanna get my right foot down
Shake some dust off of this old bus
I gotta get her out of town

Spend the day upon the motorway
Where the carburettors blast
Slow down, driver, wanna stay alive
I wanna make this journey last

Helen, hell on wheels
Ain't nobody else gonna know the way she feels
Helen, hell on wheels
And they never gonna take her away

Say, Bye bye