Stroll down the NFL Boulevard
Wildcard Weekend
Well the first week of the playoffs are in the books and we have eliminated 4 teams. We got rid of the pretenders and not we can get down to nitty gritty of Real Playoff football. These extras teams that have been added just to make the regular season interesting might need to go way. We don’t need to add anything extra, we might need to take away if that is possible? So Expo one more time kick that damn thing will you? It wildcard weekend baby!!!
First we start with the greatest pro team in Texas, Let’s go to the Sewer that is Houston. After starting the season with an 11- 1 record the Texans decided to take it easy. They had the playoffs locked up and were heading to the number 1 seed in the AFC and a bye week. But then reality crept in and they lost 3 of their last 4 games to finish 12-4 no number 1 seed, but at least they get a home playoff game. And déjà showed up dressed like a Bungel Tigger. The Red headed step child Andy Dalton was ready to expose the Texans as a fraud. But a funny thing happen as the game started, the Texans started to pull the tail of the Bungels and didn’t stop till this game was over. Where the hell did this Texan defense come from? And how did Matt Schaub play this well? 28 of 39 for 262? Not too bad for him. Thank God for Shane Graham. If he had not kept kicking the field goals the Texans might not have won.
Final Score the Bungels 13 the Texans 19. This rematch was better than last year, but that is like comparing a poke in the eye and a kick in the testicles. You really don’t want either, but if you have to take one, then we will take the poke in the eye please…
One of the funniest things we saw on Saturday night was that Leslie Frazier Viqueen head coach said they were going hold starting Quarterback Christian Ponder out of the game to give him a chance to heal up for next week’s game. What? Somebody whisper in Leslie’s ear that this is the playoffs, and next week is not guaranteed. With this Revelation, the talking head on NBC Sunday night crew that most looks like a refugee from the planet of the apes (Tony Dungy) lead an inspired cheer for Joe Webb? “I really think he has something and he has a chance to make some big plays.” That is what he said. We can’t make up that kind of fodder. We do want to ask him a question. Please take the crack pipe out of your mouth while we ask was it the first pass he threw this year or the second pass he threw? He has only thrown 2 so which one was it that you saw something exceptional? Back to the game once the Packers had no threat of a pass being thrown they loaded up to stop the greatest running back in the NFL. Arian Peterson had rush for over 400 yards in the first 2 games against the Packer defense, but this week Aaron Rogers gave the defense a discount double check and Peterson was actually tackled. 22 rushes for 99 yards is still a great total, but it is not 200 yards. And speaking of great totals the votes have been counted and low and behold the vote was split right down the middle of the front bottom. So with the deciding vote Expo says that this week’s Birth canal Team of the Week is the Viqueens. How the hell did Expo get a vote?
Final Score the Viqueens 10 the Packer 24. We wonder if Leslie Frasier his getting his team ready to play again this week? And if so who are they going to play? We know maybe they can play the Kansas City Chefs? They just got a new mustache this week. Oh wait we mean coach.
Before we go to Sunday’s game we have to update you on the White Bronco. When we last left him he and his father were heading out of his locker room we find them in the player parking lot arguing over whose vehicle to take. Archie said ”Son your mom is already in the 1978 green Good times van, I bought with some signing bonus money I had from my last contract, it is great for travel. A small bed in the back and shag carpet on the walls, floor and ceiling. Your mom loves it. Let’s go.” “Dad” Peyton retorted “where are we going? Who are we looking for? And I am not going to been seen getting into that van.” To which Archie explained. “A Long time ago your mother and I had some trouble and she fooled around with this guy in Kentucky. The result of that was that she got pregnant and had a baby boy. We didn’t tell you or your brother about it but we watched him grow up with his father. He never could throw a football so I really didn’t care. But your mom always watched him and then he had a singing career and was in some hot boy band. But now your mother wants to reconnect with him. So we need to go now.” “Okay okay okay. Hold on just a cotton picking minute. I have one question papa bear. If we are going anywhere we are taking my new Verano, with XM radio and on start. Number 1 does Ellie know about this? And was the boy band 98 degrees?
On Sunday game we find that the Indianapolis thought they were going to ride into the playoffs on the momentum of their cancer surviving coach Chuck Pagano. We even thought that when the offensive coordinator for the Colts went to the hospital, that this would be an easy sympathy win for the Colts. And that is what everyone thought. But Ray Lewis decided to announce that this would be his last home game. He is going to retire after this season. We think he was watching a Japanese cartoon, just before he came out on the field because after he got to the endzone he had a seizure. Right there in front of everyone. But the medical staff didn’t get to him in time before he passed smooth out…. What? He wasn’t having a seizure? He was dancing? That is what he calls excited dancing? Oh no no no. that is not dancing. We have watched Dancing with the stars, and that would not count as a Tango, Quick Step or a Rumba. In fact the Homosexual judge… huh Expo can we say Homosexual here? Well damn we can’t? Then what do we call that Judge, you know the one on the end, very loud and uses his hands a lot and not in a good way? Well if we knew his name we would call him that don’t you think? Okay well that guy just flipped over his card if you know what we mean and we think you do, and gave him a score of 2. Oh yea this is the playoffs so in this game...
The Final score the Colts 9 the Ravens 24. So we guess that the Sympathy card gets you 3 field goals in the game but that stupid dance gets you 24???
And Lastly the Sunday afternoon game. Guess who is coming to Washington? It is Pete Carroll and his little band of misfit toys. Okay so when know that RG3 had everything going his way in the first quarter, till he hurt his knee again. Do we need to go through this again? Let’s line them up, here on the right we have Robert Griffin III and on the left we have Russell Wilson. Robert Griffin III is faster, and stronger, looks better in the little beanie hat that he wears even though his dread locks flow out of it and overall is a fine upstanding Baptist man. Russell Wilson on the other hand is shorter, not quite as fast, doesn’t look as good in his little hat and we guess he is upstanding not really sure on that. But he does have one thing that RG3 doesn’t have and that is a playoff victory. We really thought that the Shehawks didn’t have a chance in the game. But then middle of the third quarter RG3 just didn’t have it, probably that heavy brace on his right knee. So we kind of figured it was just about over. In the Fourth Quarter RG3 took and snap in the shot gun formation and we noticed that the ball was low and he fell down the ball went in the other direction and was recovered by the Shehakws. We backed up the play on the trusty DVR and watched a little closer, same thing RG3 falls one way the ball goes another. We stop and back up again. Same result. We back it up a fourth time this time playing close attention to RG3 trying to watch his foot work. Back it up again. On the sixth time our son looks at us and says “Dad it is not going to change just let it go, the Deadskins are going to lose the ball and the game. Deal with it.” As we stare at him in disbelief we say “Boy I am trying to see what happened to his knee. They are going to show this from a different angle and we aren’t sure if we want to see anyone’s knee bend like the way we think we see it bend. This has happened to another Washington Quarterback years ago and we are still a little leery about watching that again.” we press play on the DVR and see the next angle. We stop and run it back again. “Did you see the way his knee bent?” we asked? “It’s not supposed to do that.” We call out to our lovely wife who comes into the room and sits in her chair as we push play on the DVR she says. “Shot gun, yea, low snap, yea, oh get the ball! Oh damn run that back.” We run the DVR back and we watch the play again. Only this time I watch as her face contorts when she says “Huh the Human Knee doesn’t bend like that. He will be lucky if he didn’t tear every ligament in there.”
Final Score the Shehawks 24 the Deadskins 14. And yes it appears that RG3 has torn about every ligament in his right knee, including some ligaments in some viewers as well. Thanks honey for the help with the medical stuff we don’t know anything about!!!
Well that will just about do it again for us. The first week on the playoffs is down and there are only 3 more weeks to go… sad we know but we will push through!!!
And remember like we always say…
Who's to know if your soul will fade at all
The one you sold to fool the world
You lost your self-esteem along the way
Yeah
Good God you're coming up with reasons
Good God you're dragging it out
Good God it's the changing of the seasons
I feel so raped
So follow me down
And just fake it if you're out of direction
Fake it, if you don't belong here
Fake it, if you feel like infection
Woah you're such a fucking hypocrite
And who's to know that the lies wont hide your flaws
No sense in hiding all of yours
You gave up on your dreams along the way
Yeah
Good God you're coming up with reasons
Good God you're dragging it out
Good God it's the changing of the seasons
I feel so raped
So follow me down
And just fake it if you're out of direction
Fake it, if you don't belong here
Fake it, if you feel like infection
Woah you're such a fucking hypocrite
Whoah Whoah
I can fake with the best of anyone
I can fake with the best of 'em all
I can fake with the best of anyone
I can fake it all
Who's to know if your soul will fade at all
The one you sold to fool the world
You lost your self-esteem along the way
Yeah
Good God you're coming up with reasons
Good God you're dragging it out
Good God it's the changing of the seasons
I feel so raped
Man follow me down
And just fake it if you're out of direction
Fake it, if you don't belong here
Fake it, if you feel like infection
Woah you're such a fucking hypocrite
Fake it, if your out of direction
Fake it, if you don't belong here
Fake it, if you feel like infection
Woah your such a fucking hypocrite
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