Stroll down the NFL Boulevard
Week 9
Okay so we are finally at week 9 of the NFL. That means that we have only 8 more weeks then playoffs then the Super bowl. But you already knew that right??? No need for us to go over that again. But the one thing that you are asking is which teams aren’t playing this week. So let’s look at that. First up we find that the St Louis Ewes are off which means they will not lose this week. And the bad news for Boston is the Pats will not win this week, because they are off as well. The JETS are trying to find what is left of the Jersey Shore after the storm. And the 49ers took a vacation day this week as well as they are off as well. So that only leaves us with 28 teams, and 14 games, so we better get to it. Expo it is your turn please.
The only thing worse than finding the San Diego Chargers is finding them playing against the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs have not done anything right as an organization in years. This game should prove to the NFL that not every game should be televised. And the team that should least be televised is the Kansas City Chiefs. We don’t even think they should be televised in their own city. Maybe they should beam their games to Montana…
Final score the Chiefs 13 the chargers 31. Or Maybe Arizona, we hear that they are wanting a football team there? Oh wait the Chiefs don’t’ play football. Never mind…
First up on Sunday we head to Houston and find a contest. Only this contest, with the best pro team in Texas, was not to be understood by the Buffalo Bills. Once again the Buffalo Bills did not understand the rules of the contest. The Bills thought this was a field goal contest and the Texans thought it was a game of touchdowns.
Final Score the Bills 9 the Texans 21. In case Buffalo doesn’t know… a Field goal is worth 3 points and a touchdown is worth 7.
So Miami went to Indianapolis looking for some Luck. They found some, but it was bad Luck. It wasn’t bad luck like a hurricane, but Bad luck like Andrew. Mr. Luck had rookie record 433 yards passing. But these are the Dolphins and they have REGGIE BUSH. So let’s look at his total, REGGIE BUSH had 10 rushes for 41 yards. Wow. Really? Wow. But wait he also caught the ball 2 times for 25 yards as well.
Final score the Dolphins 20 the Colts 23. 433 to 66 does that seem fair? Hey Expo do we still have that bucket of chicken left?
Here we are again the Art Model Cup. This is where the Baltimore Ravens take on the Cleveland Brownstains and the winner gets to Hoist the Art Model Dixie Cup. Browns Head Coach Pat Shurmur said before the game “Our team will do everything in our power up to and including the secret weapon to lead this game in the fourth quarter. Our secret weapon will be the difference in this game.” So we looked very hard to find the Secret Weapon.
Final Score the Ravens 25 the Brownstains 15. We never did find a secret weapon. Maybe the secret weapon is a field goal kicker? That is about all that was good about the Brownstains this week.
In Cincinnati the new White Bronco pulled up in front of the Bungels stadium and stepped slowly from the back seat from the vehicle. Clad in a long trench coat and a rather smart fedora atop his head; he walked smartly to the gate and found a group of fans standing waiting on an autograph. After signing several books and such the crowd slowly dispersed until there was only one man left, a tall slender man wearing a New Orleans Saints throwback jacket. Peyton gave the man a knowing nod and asked what he would like for him to sign? The man looked up at Peyton over his glasses and said “I think you know what I want. Do you have the package?” To which replied “No I left it in Denver.” The man turned flipped his collar and walked away mumbling why he had come so far for nothing.
Final Score the Bronco’s 31 the Bungels 23. Will there ever be an end to the story?
Da Bears wondered into Tennessee to find the remains of the Dead Titans. Can we say just one thing…? If you have fewer First downs than you have penalties and turnovers then you aren’t going to have a very good day. Tennessee had 12 first downs. They had 9 penalties and 5 turnovers. The only bright spot on this dismal day was Chris Johnson who rushed for 141. But he fumbled the ball 2 times.
Final score Da Bears 51 the Titans 20 while 141 yards is good. 2 fumbles are not.
Next we head to Jacksonville for a cat fight. But this was not your usual cat fight. Sometimes Cat fights are cool they involve women ripping each other’s clothes off down to their unmentionables. But other times one needs mud for a cat fight, or maybe Jello? But alas such was not the case as these two cats have been declawed by poor decisions in their own front office. Poor play results in poor performances, which result in poor games. That is what happened in Jacksonville. Poor, poor, poor no other word to describe it.
Final score the Lions 31 the Jaguars 14. Insert your own joke here. Go ahead we will wait.
Just so you know when the Ari-freaking-zona Cardinals and the Green Bay Packers get together things are bound to get a little crazy. And the Crazy thing that happened in this game was that the Referees called the game to due lack of effort on the Cardinals part. At the End of the third Quarter the officials walked off the field in protest and didn’t return.
Final score the Cardinals 17 the Packers 31. Another Discount double check and this game was done…
Are teams in the NFL finally beginning to figure out Robert Griffin the III? We only ask because the Deadskins are losers of 3 in a row and the District of Columbia was invaded by Cam “the fig” Newton. He accounted for more than 230 yards that the Panthers gained. Wonder if RGIII can play defense? It looks like Newton was making a case for both Carolina’s this week.
Final score the Panthers 21 the Deadskins 13. We are not buying that… One Carolina is fine with us…
In a rematch of a super bowl long since past, we fine the Tampa Bay Buccaneers traveling to the Bay City. No not San Francisco, but the sucky side. You know Oakland. With more signs in the stands “Just Suck Baby” is gaining steam. But the Rules of Football show again, that a team can’t travel across country and win a game. Tamp Bay Head Coach Greg Shiano was asked after the game “It seems that your team is really listening to your message?” his response was “Well Yes they are. We had a hard time finding their ears when the season started but then one of the Assistant coaches realized that their Buccan ears where under their Buccan hats and things are better now.
Final Score the Bucs 42 the Raiders 32. Who thought the Raiders could score 32?
Up in Seattle the Viqueens turned in a very memorial performance against the Shehawks. From what we can tell the Viqueens allowed the Shehawks pull down their pants and spank their pink little bottoms. But that is happening more often than not in Seattle. Is it something in the water? Or are the Shehawks the greatest team in the history of the world “in the Pacific Northwest”?
Final Score the Viqueens 20 the Shehawks 30. Viqueens Lose!!! That feels so good to say …
In New Jersey the Steelers came to check out the damage and found that the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS were cleaning up and trying to find some power. After the game the all too familiar scene played out in front of Ellie’s locker. Ellie was sitting in front of his locker with cell phone in hand; he slowly pushed the Speed dial numbers that coincide with #1. And as he put the phone to his ear he hears the rings and begins to count. On ring number 6 a voice picks up and the sounds of Daddy ring in Ellie’s ear, a smile comes to his face. Then he hears “If this is Ellie, I am still talking to your brother. Quit calling me on Sunday’s!!! You Jack wagon” Then a beep…
Final Score the Steelers 24 the NYFG 20. What a shame.
There were a couple of things the Cowgirls were looking for in their game on Sunday Night. 1: no turnovers by the Turn over machine known as Toni “what color jerseys are we in today” Romo. 2. Can the Defense get a couple of sacks on Matt Ryan? 3. Have one hundred yards rushing. Well like Meat Loaf said cover me only in Ketchup and 2 out of 3 ain’t bad. For the Falldowns they just keep kicking field goals, and that is always enough to beat Dallas.
Final score the Cowgirls 13 the Falldowns 19. Can the Falldowns stay undefeated?
Finally on Monday night the Beagles headed down to see real Hurricane damage as the New Orleans Saints were showing off several improvements to their stadium. During an Empty Fourth Quarter Drew Brees was leading the visiting team tour. Brees showed the Beagles the new concession stands, which are now serving gulf shrimp. Then showed them a new section of stands that had been remolded to be bigger and better for the “butts on New Orleans.” And then the outer concourse, Brees also mention that the concourse has been urine free for almost 2 weeks now.
Final score the Beagles 13 the Aints 28. Wow 2 whole weeks almost. What an accomplishment. And speaking of Accomplishments the Beagles are this week’s Birth canal Team of the week.
Well that will do it for this week. We hope that you have enjoyed this as much as we have.
And remember like we always say….
The postman delivered
A "past due" bill notice
The alarm clock rang two hours late
The garbage man left all the trash
On the sidewalk
And the hinges fell off of the gate
And this morning at breakfast
I spilled all the coffee
And I opened the door on my knee
But the last thing I needed
The first thing this morning
Was to have you walk out on me
Last night you came home late
And I knew you'd been drinking
By that old mellow look on your face
I thought, "It don't matter
'Cause it's the holiday season"
And you fill such a big empty space
But then I laid down beside you
And I wanted your lovin'
Because your love makes my life complete
But the last thing I needed
The first thing this morning
Was to have you walk out on me
So excuse me for lookin'
Like my world just ended
And excuse me for lookin'
Like I just lost my best friend
And excuse me for livin'
And being forgiving
So just go on if you want to be free
But the last thing I needed
The first thing this morning
Was to have you walk out on me
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