Stroll down the NFL Boulevard
Week 11
Okay here we are in Week 11 another week of the NFL. This week just happens to be the week before Thanksgiving. But before we get to the games we have a little bit of business to take care of first. Who is off? Tennessee is home trying to find the Hillbilly Nation. This week we are all sad to not be able to say that the Viqueens lose. But we are happy to not have to say that the Viqueens win either as they are off. The NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS are resting the Arm of Ellie Manning, and finally the Shehawks are back in the Northwest trying to chop down trees. Well with that out of the way we can ask our resident expert to do that thing which only he can do… Expo please kick it.
First up this maddening Thursday night football game, it is maddening on so many levels. Like why do they play it on Thursday? And why does the NFL look for the worst matchup of the week? Can any game with Dolphins be a good matchup, we would say “for a national audience” but since only about a thousand or so people watched this game and they couldn’t speak English then why do we care what happened? But this is our weekly look at REGGIE BUSH that we had to take a casual look-see. Mr. Bush touched the ball 12 times with carries and catches and netted a total of 35 yards. While 2 of his touches netted 25 yards, means that the other 10 touches netted 10 yards. That is about 1 yard per touch.
Final Score the Dolphins 14 the Bills 19. That kind of production is not much better than a dead man.
First up on Sunday we find ourselves at the bottom and is there any bigger bottom in the NFL than Kansas City? This game proved one thing and one thing only. Matt Cassel is not the Quarterback for Kansas City Chefs. We are not sure he is the Quarterback for any NFL teams out there. We aren’t sure he is the quarterback for any major college team. We did hear that there are pee wee football teams in Florida that are looking for a quarterback to help them with setting a point spread.
Final score the Cincinnati 28 the Chefs 6. If this were a restaurant we would have sent this meal back to the kitchen.
Up next we find the best team in Texas in a Cat fight with the Jacksonville Jaguars. Who would have thought that the best quarterback for Jacksonville would be Chad Henne, An often replaced somewhat less than desirable starting Quarterback want-a-be that has never amounted to much? But when Blaine Gabbert went out with what could be described as a broken right arm. He might have broken in it in 5 places. Or it could be a bruise. It probably was bruise. Yea it’s just a bruise. Don’t remember that broken arm thing. Even though Chad Henne came in and played like a real Quarterback Jacksonville still lost. It’s just that they ran into a buzz saw like Matt Schaub.
Final score the Jags 37 the Texans 43. You don’t know how much it hurts to say that Matt Schaub played well.
Up next we find the Holy cow game as the JETS won a game. They finally found a team worse than themselves. The Ewes. We checked the stats and the JETS should have had 295 yards in total offense. But TIM TEBOW came in to save the day, with a minus 6 yards.
Final score the JETS 27 the Ewes 13. How do you have Minus 6 yards of total offense? That is 6 less than dead man.
Playoff aspirations are running rampant in the home of the Cowgirls. They have not won 2 games in a row for a long time. However we here at the Stroll noticed that the opponents that the cowgirls have beaten were the Beagles, and Brownstains. Do you know what that is? Well take at look at that stain on the carpet. You know the one that the dog just left? Yes that one.
Final score the Brownstains 20 the Cowgirls 23. It could be called a beagle Brownstain. Is that fitting for your win streak??
Okay this is about to kill us as we have another overtime game. This time it happened in the Buccan game. Cam “the fig” Newton thought that he had put the game out of reach with 6 minutes to go in the game when he connected with Brandon LeFell for a touchdown to make it 21 to 10. But he forgot one thing. The Panther defense looked more like sieve, than a finely tuned machine. And that is the life of the Panther defense this season, and most of the last 5 or 6 seasons.
Final score the Bucs 27 Panthers 21. This is so ridiculous…
Finally we get back to Normal as the Falldowns invited the Cardinals to Atlanta for some bird watching. The Cardinals had traveled across country so you know what that means. Most important thing to know from this game is that the Cardinals still can’t find a quarterback. Expo?? Who the Hell is Ryan Lindley? And why is he on an NFL roster? What? Oh sorry. The Cardinals aren’t a real team are they? Ryan Lindley was drafted in the 6th round of the 2012 draft on a bet. Someone bet Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt that he could find anyone that sucked worse that John Skelton. So with the 15th pick in the 6th round the Cardinals drafted Ryan Lindley from San Diego State University.
Final score the Cardinals 19 the Falldowns 23. Ha San Diego is not even a state, so how can the university be for real?
The Packers have shown that they know to beat the teams they are supposed to beat. And Teams they are supposed to beat include the hapless Detroit Loins. Late in the fourth quarter Mr. Rogers was sitting behind his desk on the sidelines looking over some insurance policies when he noticed that the Loins were winning. So he came out on the field and scored 10 points to win the game. Now his Touchdown dance thrills everyone in the Stands.
Final score the Packers 24 the Loins 20. And yes we will call Detroit the Loins till they live up to expectations, which may not ever occur.
Next the Beagles went to Washington looking for a hand out. What they were handed was a kick in Arse. Without so much as a kiss on check the Deadskins ran over, around and through the Beagles. Honestly we have seen better defense during the puppy bowl on Animal Planet then what Philadelphia was playing. Just a heads up to Andy Reid, the guys in the stripe shirts are not extra players that you can count on to cover while your defensive players are wondering around like blind people in the secondary. So when Andy Reid Looks in a mirror what do you think he sees? We think he sees a sideways front bottom as the Beagles win this week’s Birth canal team of the week.
Final score the Beagles 6 the Deadskins 28. The shame of it is that the Beagle players have to look in a mirror eventually.
So now the experts are reminding the world that the New Orleans Saints are getting it together and Drew Brees is starting to play well again, like he did when the Saints won the Superbowl. We want to mention that the Saints played the Raiders this week, and were we to expect a win or not? We expected one, so why didn’t everyone else? These are the Raiders for God’s sake.
Final score the Saints 38 the raiders 17. Just suck baby. Need we say more??
The White Bronco invites to his teepee the team from the state of San Diego. The White Bronco shows no mercy to the State of San Diego has he hikes leg up three times. After the game around the locker of the White Bronco reporters gather and ask questions one reporter asks if it bothers the White Bronco that is brother may be ill with a tired arm. “I can’t comment on what is happening to him.” Then on cue his phone starts to ring with the theme from New York New York. “Sorry fellows I have to take this.” So as the crowd disperses one reporter remains, a tall man with a fedora, who shifts his weight from one foot then to the other his eyes never leaving the White Bronco. The White Bronco nods and says to the man, “I will be with you after I take this.”
Final Score the Chargers 23 the Broncos 30. The White Bronco is writing a new prophecy each game…
The Colts had very little luck in Boston this week as Andrew tossed three interceptions. But the Colts tried to keep the game close in the first half; but alas they had an interception returned for a touchdown, and then gave up a punt return for a touchdown. Then didn’t keep up in the second half, as the Patriots keep scoring and the Colts didn’t and what was a decent game in the first half turned into a game that was unwatchable after halftime. We have said it before and we will say it again. God Doesn’t like Ugly and the Patriots are Ugly. There is no need to run up the score.
Final Score the Colts 24 the Patriots 59. Okay okay, so you can hang 50 on the Colts with a rookie quarterback. We get it…
Sometime when the metal meets the road you find out what people are made. Right now it looks like Byron “the sandwich” Leftwich should have stayed at subway. His bread is stale and lifeless, kind of like the Steelers offense. Each team got a gift touchdown and then it turned into a Field goal contest. The Raven kicked 2 and the Steelers kicked one. This reminded us of an old joke expo have you heard this one? The National Poetry Contest had come down to semi-finals between a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were both given a word, and then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu” First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He confidently stepped to the microphone and said:
“Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu.”
The crowd went crazy. No way could the redneck top this, they thought. The redneck, with sweat rolled down his face, made his way to the microphone and said:
“A friend and I a hunting went,
We spied three maidens in a tent,
They being three, we being two,
I bucked one and Tim bucked two.”
The Redneck went to the finals….
Final Score the Ravens 13 the Steelers 10. That was pretty good wasn’t??
Then the Monday night extravaganza da Bears flew out to the Bay of San Francisco. Come on this game wasn’t even competitive. We have seen better games on the old Electric football game. You know the ones that used to just vibrate? Remember when you had played with it so much that you lost some of the players. And one side was down to eleven, and 2 of them just vibrated in a circle and it was better to play with just 10? Well Jason Campbell would be the little plastic player that just ran around in circles till you put him on the bench and played with 10?
Final Score Da Bears 7 the 49ers 32. Finally this game is over..
Well that will do it for us again. Hope you are enjoying this as much as we are putting it together.
And remember like we always say….
Gettin' used to the view from the bottom
Kicked in the balls but man we still got 'em
People on top don't stop to see the problem
We all fall down
Been screwed tattooed we've been tested
We're not the one you wanna mess with
Rollin' deep and goin' double fisted
This is our town
Yeah yeah
The girls are screamin'
Yeah yeah
If we go down we're gonna go down swingin'
Whoa
Show us what you're made of
Let's go
Nothing we're afraid of
Scarred up shattered into pieces
Don't mistake this as a weakness
Stronger
Everytime we suffer
We find strength in numbers
You can't take our hope and
You can't break the broken
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/l/lit/the_broken.html ]
Try to knock us down and we'll get back up
Pour another round and raise a glass up
Here's to the ones they'll never get the best of
Who's laughin now
Yeah yeah
The kids are alright
Yeah yeah
And when we go out we're gonna go all night
Whoa
Show us what you're made of
Let's go
Nothing we're afraid of
Scarred up shattered into pieces
Don't mistake this as a weakness
Stronger
Everytime we suffer
We find strength in numbers
You can't take our hope and
You can't break the broken
We're battered and bruised
With nothin to lose
But we've got so much left to prove
Tattered and torn
But we're not alone
Whoa
Show us what you're made of
Let's go
Nothing we're afraid of
Scarred up shattered into pieces
Don't mistake this as a weakness
Stronger
Everytime we suffer
We find strength in numbers
You can't take our hope and
You can't break the broken
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