Stroll down the NFL Boulevard
Week 4
Here we are in the fourth week of the season and we still have questions. Oh we have a lot of questions but not many answers. First question is… Who is not playing this week? Doesn’t someone have a bye this week? Quick look at the schedule shows us that the Dolts and the Steelers are both off. So that means that everyone else was playing, and good news is that the referees are back, the good referees that is. So with that said let’s take this “fantastic voyage” that is Week 4. Expo, as always, will you get us started?
On Thursday we had the battle for the Art Modell Cup, well it really wasn’t a cup, unless Dixie counts. The Ravens raced out to a 9 to nothing lead and never looked back. Cleveland, huh… Well was Cleveland committed to the run? They attempted 17 carries all day, for a total of 43 yards. Not bad for the first half, but in the second half, they um… well um… That was for the whole game??? Really… The whole game??? Well we can see now why Art Modell moved the team to Baltimore.
Final Score the Brownstains 16 the Ravens 23. Rest in Peace Art Modell…
There are lots of cool things about “Jersey” that we would like to go over. Was there anything better on Christmas morning when you opened up the authentic NFL “Jersey” from Santa Claus? Then there is the perfect Birthday Gift of the NHL Hockey Jersey from your girlfriend or possibly when your children pool their money together to get you that NBA Jersey for Father’s day. Then there are some bad things in Jersey as well like that Snookie from the Jersey Shore. Then there is “Piscataway” that is in Jersey as well. Oh yea then there are the Jets they are in New Jersey as well. And when they are in New Jersey they really stink. After the game coach Rex Ryan was asked how he could expect his team with only 9 first downs to be in the game. “Well missy…” Ryan retorted “We expect to win a trophy that looks a lot like your Lady parts. And yes we mean the front bottom.”
Final Score the 49ers 34 the Jets 0. Coach Ryan you are correct. Your Team is the “Birth canal team of the week”
Lets go North a little to find the quote from Chan “the Man” Gailey and the Buffalo Bills. Chan the Pan Man said this week “If we can score 28 points I like our Chances.” In the Middle of the fourth quarter the ever charging Bills scored their 28th point, it was too bad that it made the score 42 to 28 Patriots. We can only guess, that the fine that Bill Bella-cheat had to pay to the NFL, was able to loosen up not only his wallet but his play calling. But hey kicking a field goal with 1:52 left in the game to go up by 17 that kind of stinks… Remember…
Final Score the Patriots 52 the Bills 28. God doesn’t like ugly.
Leaving Buffalo we will head through the great white north, Canada. Oh no don’t go towards Toronto, no back down to the U.S. please. Yes Detroit, as bad as we hate it, we have to go to Detroit, and check in on the Lions. Is it just us or do the Lions have everything in place to go far? A Quarterback? Matthew Stafford isn’t that bad. A Receiver? And they do have one of the greatest receivers in the history of the NFL Calvin “Megatron” Johnson. A running back? Well maybe they could use some help there Mikel LeShoure had 13 carries for 26 yards. Hey Expo can you look it up and see where Mikel is from? Illinois? Okay we thought that he might be from New Jersey, Maybe if the Lions had not had sent the Muppets out to cover kicks on special teams they might have won this game. 2 touchdowns against the Kermit, Mrs. Piggy and the gang and…
Final Score The Viqueens 20 the Lions 13. We hate having to say it. But Viqueens win.
Before we head back south we are going to Jump to Wisconsin for a quick minute. This was maybe the most hyped game this season as the New Orleans Aints goes to Green Bay. How many times can the Green Bay Packers coach Mike McCarthy lose a challenge because the referee’s make a bad call? Several calls that could have turned the tide against the Packers, like the push off on the Touchdown that tied Drew Brees with the “Great” Johnny Unitas for consecutive games with a touchdown, or the fumble on a kick off that the Ref called down by contact. The Packers over came the Aints, the bad Calls, the Ref’s and themselves to win the game.
Final score the Aints 27 the Packers 28. Nothing funny about this except that McCarthy still can’t get a call…
Heading south and east we head all the way down to Atlanta. Has anyone noticed that the Falldowns are 4 and 0? Cam “The Fig” Newton has noticed because he did his best to win the game. 33 passes and rushes for a total 301 yards is pretty darn good if you ask us. Well the Matt brothers took over the game as they threw and kicked their way to the finish. And we mean that literally the Falldowns kicked the Panthers right in their um… hey Expo can we say balls? Well in the context of they got kicked in the Balls. We can’t? Okay no worries. And we mean that literally the Falldowns kicked the Panthers in the Technical’s for the win.
Final score the Panthers 28 the Falldowns 30. Technicals should be okay everyone understands that right?
As we head due south to Jacksonville we find a huge cat fight. The Jaguars and the Mighty Bungels squared off in a classic cat fight. Is there anything prettier than a pass floating on the cool fall air spiraling down field till it is gently caressed by the loving hands of AJ Green? Hum did someone really just write that? Expo who the F wrote this?
Final Score the Bungles 27 the Jaguars 10. That sounded Queer, didn’t it?
Let’s head to Yuccaneer land next and check out the Buccan game. Tampa bay did everything right, well maybe not, they lost the first down battle, 27 to 16. They lost the average gain per play 7.1 to 6.4. They lost the number of penalty battle 8 to 10. And the time of possession was a lost cause as well 32:19 to 27:41. And with 0:03 to go Billy Cundiff used his golden toe to kick the winning field goal.
Final Score the Deadskins 24 the Yuccanneers 22. After further review the Yuccanneers didn’t do anything right to win…
As we all move towards the west - no not to Alabama go a little north - yes that is it, right here in Saint Louis. The Shehawks came to town looking to win one on the road. We can only guess that the production of the Golden Tate would continue since he is a great receiver, who gets his hands on every pass in the air, no matter who he has to push down to do it. So let’s take a look at his production this week. 1 catch for 7 yards. Wow is that amazing? Slingin Sammy Bradford had a Fair day as he went 16 for 30 for 221 yards, with an interception. Apparently the axiom holds true.
Final Score the Shehawks 13 the Ewes 19. When the Shehawks score more than their opponents they win 75% of the time.
As we head west just a little a bit we find that a reverse of fortune in Kansas City. Last week the Chargers got beat into submission, so much so that they were the BCTOW. This week they slapped the Chiefs on the butt like an old Indian Squaw would do to a little papoose’s hind end. Phillip “Calm” Rivers tossed the pig skin around for 209 yards and the Chiefs had 6 turnovers and that didn’t help.
Final Score the Chargers 37 the Chiefs 20. Another Slap to the dead face of Lamar Hunt.
As we continue south till we get to the sewer that is Houston Texas, we find the greatest football team in the State of Texas, the HOUSTON TEXANS. The Titans used to be the Houston Oilers, but then they went to Tennessee and found glory. The Texans are finding glory in the arm of Matt Schaub oddly enough. Things are going so well for Houston that when this Bud Adams Cup game was announced and that everyone the stadium was going to receive a commemorative “We support Bud Adams athletic Supporter” the stadium didn’t get full till halftime.
Final Score the Titans 14 the Texans 38. Oh no I think the one we got is used…
Since we are honoring Owners this week let’s take a look at this tough AFL Matchup between the Greatness (Raiders) and the Orange Crush (Bronco’s). This had a new flavor to it as the Bronco’s pulled out their secret weapon Peyton Manning. Now this is how a 6 foot 5 inch Quarterback with a laser arm is supposed to play. It looks like 3s were wild has Mr. Manning was 30 for 38 for 338 with 3 touchdowns. Good thing Sebastian Janikowski is with Oakland or they would not have scored at all…
Final Score the Raiders 6 the Bronco’s 37. Hey Janikowski kicked a 3 pointer…
Let us go a little south to the desert and find REGGIE BUSH. He headed with is Dolphin teammates to Ari-Freaking-Zona and found out one thing. Dolphins can’t swim in the desert. We think that fact was common knowledge already but REGGIE Bush might not have learned that at USC. However, we learned REGGIE’s stats, 17 carries for 67 yards, and that was about it, nothing else. Hey at least he didn’t fumble the ball. Now people are claiming that since the Cardinals are 4 and 0 they are the best team in the NFL.
Final Score the Dolphins 21 the Cardinals 24. We just threw up in our mouth.
We head all the way back to the East coast now and find ourselves in beautiful city of Brotherly shove. This game was mired in controversy. Thank goodness that the regular officials were there to sort it all out. The Extra time off for the referees was just what they needed to define all of the new rules, like pass interference, because they were able to call that on every pass play. And they seem to call it on every pass play on the Giants last drive. We think that being able to call a timeout just before the ball is snapped on the field goal attempt is stupid, as Lawrence Tynes missed the non attempt wide left. Of course he drilled the next kick right down the middle about 2 feet short.
Final Score the NEW YORK FOOTBALL Giants 17 the Beagles 19. It is a real shame that someone had to win this game.
And finally the Monday Night extravaganza does anyone care for the game on ESPN? We don’t the commentary is horrid. We really want someone to ask John Gruden when they get on that stupid bus of his why aren’t you still coaching. You seem to have all the answers. On and the Buffoon that does play by play, if anyone was listening, it is Jason Witten. That is the spectacular Cowgirl tight end. It kills us when they can’t get the play names correct. With that said. What a game! This game had everything. It had an interception returned for a touchdown, and it had an interception that was returned for a touchdown. Then it had an interception. And after that there was an interception. Oh and did anyone see the interception that Da Bears had? Which one you ask? Any of them??? It is fitting that Jerry Jones opened a Victoria secret in the New Cowgirl stadium, poor ole Vic doesn’t have many left. We sure do hope that everyone knows what Tony Romo’s secret is...
Final score Da Bears 34 the Cowgirls 18. Shhh… Tony’s secret is that he sucks... but you may have known that already…
Well that will wrap it up for this week. Hope everyone has enjoyed this week like we did…
And remember like we always say…
Hey, come on, come along take a ride
There's a party over there, that ain't no jive
It's live, live, it's all the way live
Don't even have to walk, don't even have to drive
Just slide, glide, slippity-slide
Just forget about your troubles and your 9 to 5
just sail on (That's what you do), just sail on
Now this groove's so funky, hey, what to you think
What is it called, let's call it Lakeside strength
Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage
I'm the captain of this vessel
We wanna take you on a cruise
All around the land, music is at hand (Huh)
We wanna play it for you
(You see) We want to be (We want to be)
Your crew of entertainers (Jam to the music)
Jam to the beat (Jam, yeah)
Don't let nothing restrain you (Uh-huh)
We just want you to feel
Nothing but pleasure (Pleasure), musical pleasure (Yeah, yeah)
Our music is very real (It's really real)
Truly a treasure (A treasure), musical treasure
Come along, pack your bags
Get on up and jam y'all
Come on and ride on the funk, y'all
Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage
We're the directors of this crew ship
And you are under our command, yeah
What you should do is take a lesson, too
So you can understand
(You know) We like to see (People havin' a good time)
Everybody happy (Do you wanna party)
We create the beat (That foot stompin' music)
That keeps the people dancin' (Uh-huh)
We just want you to feel (We just want you to feel)
Nothing but pleasure, musical pleasure (Want you to feel)
‘Cause music is a world of fantasy (It's a fantasy)
Let's live it together (A pleasure), musical pleasure (Come along, come along, come along)
So come along beyond the sea
(Dance in the sunshine) Take a load off of your mind
Our music is very real (So very real)
Truly a treasure, musical treasure
Come along, pack your bags
Get on up and jam y'all
Come on and ride on the funk, y'all
Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage
(Come along, ride the boat to the land of funk)
To the Land of Funk
Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage
(Do you wanna ride with me)
Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage
(Do you wanna go, ah)
To the Land of Funk, Funk, Funk
To the Land of Funk, to the Land of Funk, to the Land of Funk
Hey, come on, come along take a ride
There's a party over there, that ain't no jive
It's live, live, it's all the way live
Don't even have to walk, don't even have to drive
Just slide, glide, slippity-slide
Just forget about your troubles and your 9 to 5
And just sail on (That's what you do), just sail on
Now the groove's so funky, hey, what to you think
What is it called, let's call it Lakeside stank
If you're ready to party and you wanna get down
Bring your ma, your pa, and brother James Brown
Bring Auntie Em and Toto too
And all the party people to do their do
We'll dance and party till the early light
And say, “Hey, we're feelin' alright”
So come along, come on take a ride
There's a party over there, that ain't no lie
We're leavin' here in a cloud of smoke
And th-th-that-th-th-that-th-th-that's all folks
Whoa, whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
We just want you to feel (We just want you to feel)
Nothing but pleasure, musical pleasure (Want you to feel)
‘Cause music is a world of fantasy
Let's live it together (Together), musical pleasure (We want you to feel)
So come along beyond your seat (Come along beyond the seat)
(Dance in the sunshine) Take a load off of your mind (Yeah...)
Our music is very real (So very real)
Truly a treasure, musical treasure
Hurry up
Pack your bags and jam y'all
Come on and ride on the funk now
Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage
(Do you wanna go, do you wanna go, do you wanna go, do you wanna go)
Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage
(Come-a, come-a, come-a, come on, come on now to the Land of Funk)
(Do you wanna party, do you wanna jam)
To the Land of Funk
Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage
(Come on and dance in the sunshine)
Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment