Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 14 2010
Here we are again, trying to make sense of all of this. Sometimes it seems what is up is down, what is front is back what is right is actually left. We are trying to make sure put what has happened so we can give you the vision that you need. And we all need vision right? So Expo do your thing please…
Up first the NFL decided to take some pressure off of Peyton Manning and let him play on Thursday night. And did he respond? You bet he did. He went 25 of 35 for 319 yards. Nice game huh? Afterwards at the post game press conference Peyton was asked ”Who can you say helped you the most during this turn around game, your brother, your father, or your agent?” Peyton Scratched his head and thought for a second, looking whimsically into the crowd, until he saw a tall figure in the back wearing a long black coat and a gorgeous fedora with the brim pulled done low. Peyton responded “While I think it was a little of all three, I think that the issues that were holding me back are behind me, at least I think they are, and that might be all I need to get this team going again.” Later Peyton found a large Manila envelope in the back of his locker with the letters N L embossed on it. He slipped it into his briefcase and slipped out to his car without a word.
Final Score the Colts 30 the Titans 28. Oh no what is Peyton up to now? Does his mother know what he is doing?
What a debacle? Here we were thinking that Kansas City might be trying to relive past glory. Well apparently they were channeling Herm Edwards. We can’t even say that this was game. The chiefs had 9 completed passes, 8 punts, 5 first downs, 4 sacks 2 penalties and took away the ball once, but didn’t turn the ball over at all. In a game of futility the most futile thing they did was gain 67 yards; that has to be some kind of a record. People this is the epitome of a Team that didn’t care, did they have Christmas shopping to tend to? Or does everyone just suck one game a year. we think it is the latter, And if you told us that Kansas City was going to suck the worst this season we would not have put up much of an argument but hell actually watching the train wreck is far worse that just hearing about it. So your Birth Canal Team of the week this week is your Kansas City Chiefs.
Final Score The Chiefs 0 the Chargers 31. At least Brady Croyle kept his streak perfect. He has never won a game he has started. What a streak…
Oh no…. Mister Rogers’ neighborhood has been mugged. It was thrown to the turf and Mister Rogers has his second concussion of the season. Well who is his backup, surely they have a capable backup right, capable of beating Detroit right? As we pull the Curtain back to reveal the dream, the man, the legend in no one’s mind Matt Flynn. Who? Who the hell Matt Freaking Flynn? Well we know who he isn’t… He isn’t a starting quarterback in the NFL. Do we need the raise the Salary Cap, so we can find some backup quarterbacks who can do something? Oh we know what Matt Flynn reminds us of now. Do you remember the old electric football game that vibrated and the players moved down the field? Remember? You remember? Remember? He reminds us the one player who just went in Circles. Remember the most worthless player on the field the one who whirls around in a circle. Hello Matt Flynn.
Final score the Packers 3 the Lioness 7. Finally the Lioness took our advice and grew a pair. Let’s see if they get them cut off next week.
Up next we see that Jets were listening last week as the King of New Jersey got his team ready to play. But we think that they spent more time playing with themselves than they did playing the game of football. Oh they scored more than last week. What did they have 3 points? Hell they doubled that to 6 and we guess that their defense was better too, because they didn’t give up 45 like last week, they only gave up 10 points.
Final score the Dolphins 10 the JETS 6. No matter how we add it up. If you give up 10 and only score 6 you are going to lose… we have added it up a bunch of times and we just can’t get 6 to be more than 10…
Up next we find a tough battle of Lake effect snow teams, as the Cleveland Brownstains went to Buffalo to face the Bills. Interesting fact the other Peyton almost had more yard than his whole team. Peyton Hillis 21 carries for 108 yards and 4 catches for 10 more that is 118 yards total. The Brownstains only had 187 yards total in the game. That means that Hillis had huh… oh wait carry the 3 and subtract the four… well it is a lot of the offense we know that for one guy. Anyway Buffalo is trying to keep from getting the first pick on the draft, and they want to win, which is more than we can say for the teams discussed previously, but they are Buffalo so every game is up for grabs.
Final Score the Brownstains 6 the Bills 13. Another game with just 6 points? What the hell? 2 field goals good enough for you huh?
Okay so there was this great injustice as the officials who had to be paid by little Danny Snyder, and Big Mike Shanahan. The Officials gave the Deadskins an extra down, apparently 2 first downs is something that no one in the stands would ever notice. And no one noticed it till Tony Siragusa and he went out of his mind (we guess he had money on the Buc’s). Then on fourth down (or fifth down) the Deadskins scored a touchdown. That would tie the game with the extra point. So they line up for the attempt, (now we see why they call it an attempt) Then the snap goes high and the ball is bouncing back on the 25 yard line, someone scoops it up and tries to run it in, but alas to no avail the Mighty footballs Gods have taken care of it and that crazy Fox Broadcast team got it’s vindication. Deadskins lose. They suck for trying to cheat. What? What is it Expo? It was a first down? So the Deadskins got a first down and they scored on fourth down like the marker showed? Oh well never mind…
Final Score the Bucs 17 the Deadskins 16. God don’t like ugly. And Washington is pretty ugly right now…
Holy Crap Al Davis is awake. And he is mad. His Team is one game below 500 and he is looking for a playoff run. Playoffs? The Raiders in the playoffs? Somebody tell Al no, not this year. And does anyone know which foot of Jack Del Rio’s is kept hidden form the world? For years there has been speculation that Jack Del Rio has deformed foot, now we aren’t ones to point at someone’s handicap and make fun of them for it. We are sensitive to the wants of the Del Rio Family and the hurtful nature of the rest of the world if they found out the Jack Del Rio has Rabbit’s foot. We have been told it is a white and furry but that he keeps it hidden. Not wanting to get ridiculed, or to have people stare at it. What? Oh Jack Del Rio has a rabbit’s foot in his pocket for luck? Well that would be a lot different than what we were told. Okay sorry about that.
Final Score the Raiders 31 the Jag’s 38. Oh well that kind of explained why he could jump so well back when he played. But we weren’t sure why he didn’t eat a carrot on the sidelines like say bugs bunny?
Wow in a great battle of AFC North teams the Cincinnati Bunguls and the Pittsburg Steelers Carson Palmer stole the show. He threw 3 touchdowns, and his counterpart for the Steelers could only lead his team to 3 field goals. Oh wait two of those touchdown passes from Carson Palmer went to the Steelers. Oh crap. Palmer had a sucky day and now it looks like the Bunguls only scored one touchdown the first one then just kind of wandered around aimlessly on the field like a toddler looking for it mother in the grocery store.
Final Score the Bunguls 7 the Steelers 23. Hey this just in Carson Palmer threw his touchdown pass to a tackle. A Tackle? He couldn’t find a receiver open?
Up next at this time of year most people are in a giving mood. So there is an influx of people out collecting, those guys in the red suits ringing a bell, there are stores with trees that are decorated with names and gift requests for needy children, and then there are the real and fake homeless people on the corner with their little sign “Homeless please help me. God Bless” Now we are sure that these people need help, but do they just irritate you? They apparently irritated the Falldowns. Because when the panhandlers came to town and set up their cardboard signs at all the corners heading into the Stadium the Falldowns went out and yanked them out on the field and kicked the crap out of them.
Final score the Panhandlers 10 the Falldowns 31. John “not so sly like a” Fox, used Jimmy “the pickle” Clausen again. He needs to be fermented a lot more, he isn’t ready. But he is real crunchy when he hits the ground.
Okay so the SheHawks went to San Francisco and it looks like they dress appropriately. They had their big hoop skirts on and they were wearing some high heels it looks like as well. We think that during the coin toss the captains decided to play who can hit the softest. Looks like the Shehawks lost. Matt Hasselback couldn’t figure out who to throw the ball to as he had four interceptions, that my friends is one for every finger on his right hand except for his thumb. But is the thumb really a finger? Well for today discussion we will call it a thumb only.
Final Score the Shehawks 21 the 29ers 40. The game wasn’t even this close. And that is saying something…
So Slingin Sammy Bradford went to tour the hurricane ravaged city of New Orleans. He wonder around the French Quarter for while, took a walk on Bourbon street. Lifted his shirt and got some beads, then moved slowly towards the Superdome. He was saddened to see the ninth ward is still not growing and thriving as it did before Katrina. When he asked the tour guide how much things had been cleaned up since the Hurricane. The Guide replied “Oh we aren’t going to clean this part up, if people were crazy enough to live here before the flood they will come back again.” the he whispered “These people weren’t too smart to begin with, hell they cheer for Reggie Bush like he is good.” So with that said let’s see what REGGIE BUSH did this week. Wow 9 carries for 43 yards with a long of 9 making him an 8 carry for 34 yard day, not too bad 2 touches a quarter. Then he had 5 catches for 22 more yards. Oh my he is getting close to 100 yards just 35 yards away. Did he have any punt returns? Oh yes he did, 2 punt returns for 16 yards.
Final Score the Rams 13 the Saints 31. Wow such production 81 yards a game. No that is what we call a spare backup role…
Up next we find the traveling mystical tour AKA (Also known as) the New England Patriots. They blew into the windy city and blew the bears out. Tom Brady (who still needs a haircut) was spectacular in carving up Da Bear Defense. The Bear Offense was hibernating in a cave somewhere. Even Ranger Smith couldn’t help Da Bears.
Final score the Pats 26 Da Bears 7. It was cool watching them play in the snow…
Next up we go to Ari-freaking-Zona and find that even after Denver fired their coach they still can’t find a way to win. They should now be able to use TIM TEBOW to his fullest extent. Let’s check out his stats. At least he didn’t throw an inception but you really don’t have any interceptions when you don’t pass the ball. But he didn’t fumble the ball either. Hey we guess you have to get the ball in your hands to fumble right? So if we check the stats one more time we find that TIM TEBOW had 0 total yards. And the sad thing is that it looks like the Bronco’s could have really used him.
Final score the Bronco’s 13 the Cardinals 43… WE can’t believe that no one will let TIM TEBOW on the field to help. Did you know that when TIM TEBOW eats, he doesn’t have to wait 30 minutes before going swimming?
As we get to the final game on Sunday we are reminded that we live in politically correct country. And that in this country we are free, to a certain extent, to express our beliefs and views for the world to see. So with that said is anyone listening to the commentators when the words Michael Vick come up? He is a great quarterback now not like when he played before. It is like we are all supposed to understand that he wasn’t in the game for two years. And are we just supposed not ask what he was doing for those two seasons? Are we not supposed to ask why he was gone for two years? We are just supposed to accept the fact that he is playing at an MVP level. Well we know one thing for sure, he was the dog killing MVP of 2008 let’s talk about his game. He was 16 of 26 for 270 yards. But he had 2 passes that that totaled 150 yards. So that would make him 14 of 24 for 120 yards. Still a nice total but maybe not MVP worthy.
Final Score the Beagles 30 the Cowpies 27. Unless MVP stand for Most Vicious Player. Gosh he makes us sick…
Up next we find the craziest thing we have ever heard of. The Minnesota Viqueens deflated their Stadium and the sudden snow storm in Minnesota dumped 18 inches of snow on top of the stadium and the weight of the snow caused the roof to collapse. Thank God no one was in the dome when this happened. So the Stadium was not useable. So the NFL in its wisdom decided to move the game to Detroit. We think the NFL reason is that Detroit was the closest NFL city that has not seen any football. So both teams packed up and headed there to play on Monday night. So let’s look at Brett Favre’s day/night. Well he had a TIM TEBOW type night the only balls he touched were his own. So not only is the thrill gone, but the streak is over. Hey 297 is a nice round number that no one will ever catch 321 if you count playoffs. Well there was someone playing on Monday that kept their streak going. Ellie started his one hundredth game on Monday night, after the game in the post game press conference Eli took several question from a tall man in the back of the room wearing a gorgeous fedora “Have your parents ever been to Cincinnati?” “Well” Eli responded “They were there back in Feb 73 I remember it well because Peyton and I spent our Valentine’s Day with Moms parents, my grandparents. It was terrible except for when we held Cooper down and tried to get him to eat shrimp from the Gulf of Mexico. And when he didn’t eat it we torn pieces of it off and pushed it in his nose. Memories aren’t they great?
Final Score the Giants 21 the Viqueens 3. Where are the Viqueens going to play next week? Hey how about Denver they haven’t seen foot ball in a while?
Finally we get the final game of the week. And it was a barn burner. Except that no barn or farm animal was actually hurt in the playing of this game. But there were a lot of things hurt and most of them were the fans that had to watch those hideous uniforms that the Texans wore. Hey Red on Red is not good on anything unless you are putting monkey blood on an open wound or Santa Claus. And we think you know what we mean right? So after totally beating the crap out of Houston which took about the whole first half the Ravens decided to take the second half off. Hey ravens this game is 60 minutes not 30, not even 45. 60 full minutes. And if you had played the whole 60 minutes you would not have given the losers in Houston any hope of winning the game. but instead you let Matt Schaub complete a pass or ten and throw a couple of touchdowns to get the game to over time. Thanks God Matt Schaub showed us again his true colors even if it was in Red.
Final Score the Raven 34 the Texans 28. Ha Ha Ha Matt Schaub’s second interception was returned for touchdown in overtime…. And we know Santa Claus and Matt Schaub you are no Santa Claus…
Well that will do it for this week, 3 weeks to go. We hope you enjoy this as much as we do putting it together…
And remember like we always say…
On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree.
On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 13 2010
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 13 2010
Well well well, with 75% or three fourths, as we like to call it, gone, we can start to tell who is going to make a run into the playoffs. We don’t call it a tournament because it is the playoff. There are a few locks out there and a few that have been eliminated, hopefully we can sort it all out for you… so let’s not waste any time and let’s get to the this week’s Stroll. Expo? Give us something appropriate...
First on Thursday we find that the Dog Killer gets the National Audience. Thank God it was on the NFL network where only about 2 million homes get to see him. He did throw for 300 yards and rushed for 48 yards. He Lead the team in both categories. Well Matt Schaub did absolutely nothing to prove that he is an NFL quarterback capable of taking his team to the playoffs. So we guess that the Texans are going to be the favorite to win the AFC South next year, again.
Final Score the Texans 24 the Beagles 34. We can just hear it now. “Houston is and up and coming team and with a new coach they might be able to contend for the title in the AFC South.”
Starting at the bottom like we always do it is not interesting to find the Bronco’s there with the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs have played well this season better than we expected. We guess that Matt “the Rook” Cassel has played well enough. One thing we are sure of is that Head Coach Josh McDaniels probably will not make the end of the week. What? Oh wait this just in. Josh Mc Daniels has been fired. Nice right here at Christmas time. We guess he should have played his secret weapon a little more. TIM TEBOW was asked what he thought of the firing. “Well I think firing is a good thing. Like firing a touchdown pass. Or firing a stiff arm across someone’s face mask as I run in for the score.” “No TIM TEBOW your coach just got fired” The reporter said “What does that mean to you?” “Oh I can neither confirm nor deny that comment”
Final Score the Bronco’s 6 the Chiefs 10. Did TIM TEBOW go to college? Or is this guy just and idiot? In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Tim Tebow. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
Staying close to the bottom we find Jeff Fisher. Well we find Jeff Fisher’s bottom. In a great AFC South Battle the Jacksonville Jaguars went to the Tennessee and started to dismantle this proud franchise. Well actually Head Coach Jeff Fisher started to dismantle this proud franchise weeks ago, now he has no quarterback, unless you count Rusty “the Nail” Smith, or Kerry “the Virgin Tom” Collins. So back to this game for the 10 quarters that Vince Young has been hurt the Mighty Titans have scored 6 whole points. That is 2 field goals folks. 2 freaking field goals… The Titans are done now and with that so is Jeff Fisher right? If this comes to a standoff between the Owner who likes Vince Young and the Coach who doesn’t, who usually wins that battle?
Final Score the Jags 17 the Titans 6. Not much else to say about this one until the season is over…
And now for a game that had everything. It had 29 first downs, 23 points scored, and 16 punts. The game also had 8 penalties, 5 field goals attempted, 3 made field goals, 3 sacks, 3 interceptions 2 touchdown passes, 1 winner and 2 losers. 2 losers you ask? Yes there was only 1 person in the stands that had to endure this game, Thank God. Does anyone know what game this was?
Final Score the crappy team 13 the worse than crappy team 10. Do either of these teams even want anyone to know they played a game?
Wow is Mike Shanahan the greatest coach ever? First he benches Little Donnie Mac. Then Shanahan signs him for a contract extension for 78 million and Donnie responds by winning the coach 1 game since then. Now Shanahan is suspending Albert Haynesworth for conduct unbecoming to the team. What the hell is that? Conduct unbecoming to the team what, did he shoot the bird to the fans out in the stands? Did he step on someone’s head during a game? Since Coach is not saying then we are not sure. We guess we will have to speculate…. After the game against the rival Deadskins Eli was sitting in front of his Locker when that familiar ring tone came screaming from the top of his locker. “Oh When the Saints come Marching in Oh when Saints go marching in”… “Hey dad, we won again. Did you see?” From the other end of the phone came “Hell no I don’t watch your games. But I wanted to talk about your brother. He is really down in the dumps and needs you to lift him up. So I came up with this plan. You need to suck a lot more, stop winning so many games and let your brother be better than you so he can feel better. Alright do we have a deal?”
Final score the Giants 31 the Deadskins 7. What will Ellie do? Help his brother? Or continue to make himself a winner???
How do two teams heading in such different directions end up in the same place? Well Mr. Roger’s neighborhood was in full force this week as they rolled that little trolley that San Francisco rode in on. Can you just imagine an open air trolley in Wisconsin? We bet that was cold. Almost as cold as Aaron Rodgers was, as he was 21 of 30 for nearly 300 yards. And Troy “the DR” Smith only completed 10 passes all day.
Final Score the 49ers 16 the Packers 34. Man that Packers name makes us giggle.
Let’s talk about what is interesting. It is interesting what you can pick up from the sidelines of an NFL game. Let’s take Tarvaris Jackson, for example. For 1 and three quarters years Jackson has been watching Brett Favre from the sidelines, sitting with him in meetings, discussing check downs when Brett is not in a drunken stupor, Watching film of the other team while Brett texts naked pictures of his dingus to unsuspecting former female coworkers. Then Brett goes down to injury and Tarvaris gets his chance to show the world what he has learned. He throws 3 interceptions. But Adrian Peterson rushes for 3 touchdowns and the Viqueens were playing the Bills…
Final Score the Bills 14 the Viqueens 38. Is Brett going to play? Will his shoulder be well enough for him to play? Is the streak over? Only time will tell? Ohh we just got a text….
Looks like Da Bears stole another pik-a-nik basket. This Time from the Lioness’, When will Detroit win a game? This week after Detroit scored in the third quarter to take a 20 to 14 lead, they got so excited that they had 2 drives end in punts, and one drive end with a turnover on downs. Nice right and could only gain 47 yards. 47 Yards? In nearly a half of play you gain 47 yards? Are you kidding us? Well we now know why you can’t win. Hello Detroit you can’t move the ball. If you can’t move the ball then you can’t score it is pretty simple.
Final Score Da Bears 24 the Lioness’ 20. Hey Detroit grow a set and stand up a little okay? We think we may have been nice on you this season.
Well we have finally gotten to the point in the season where injured players come back. And look who is here? Guess who is back and playing? He is back at full speed. And he is the key to the game. Which game you ask? Any game he is in. So let’s see how he changed the game this week. REGGIE BUSH had 5 carries for 26 yards, with a long of 10 yards making his true stats 4 for 16 yards, not too bad. That is 1 carry a quarter. We guess you are not quite in full game shape just yet. So let’s see if we have any receiving yardage. Oh well he does. Let us see he has 3 catches for zero yards. Zero yards? He had a long of 9 yards. So that means he had 2 catches for minus 9 yards. We wonder if that was a minus 6 then a minus 3, or maybe a minus 5 then a minus 4? Well 8 touches for 26 yards. Nice huh?
Final Score the Saints 34 the Bunguls 30. That is production like TIM TEBOW… HA HA HA Ha…
And next we have an old AFC matchup as The Oakland Raiders went south to play the San Diego Chargers. Is the world really a better place when the Raiders are playing 500 ball? We can only guess that Al Davis is cheering for more victories than losses by the Raiders; however he must be asleep because the Raiders have been playing better. Jason Campbell is starting quarterback again for the Raiders and he did his best. His best resulted in a day of 10 catches on 16 attempts for 117 yards. Now that is production right? Hey as long as you win right?
Final Score the Raiders 38 the Chargers 13. Oh no is Al Davis awake? Oh no he just turned over….
Up next we go to a tough NFC South battle between the Falldowns and the Buc’s. The Buc’s had the perfect game plan for 3 quarters as they took a 17 to 14 lead into the fourth quarter. But then after going 3 and out to start the fourth quarter they punted and the Falldowns took the ball and promptly threw an interception. So with 12:24 left in the game and the Buc’s have the ball at Atlanta’s 39 yard line they proceeded to push the ball over the goal line for a touchdown and 24 to 14 lead. Head Coach Raheem Morris then decided to replace his regular kick off team with the combination of the invisible man, the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, Amy Winehouse, the great pumpkin, count Chocula, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble, that stupid purple dinosaur Barney, and one of the super Mario brother we think it was Luigi, and General Francisco Franco. The Falldowns kick returner Eric Weems said thank you very much as he streaked down the side lines for a touchdown to get the game close. Then the bottom fell out of the corn market futures completely and Buccaneers could do nothing as the Falldowns scored again to put the game out of their reach.
Final Score the Falldowns 28 the Buc’s 24. Another kickoff return for a touchdown… we will have to do some investigating as to why we have so many of these this year…
Up next we head to great northwest and find the Seattle Shehawks inviting the Carolina Panhandlers to town. Why anyone would want to invite panhandlers to their town is beyond us but it is Seattle so enough said right? Okay so the panhandlers didn’t stay long. They scored 2 touchdowns in the first 22 minutes of the game then they left the field and from what we can see, the offense never returned. It took a while for the Shehawks to get it together but after the Panhandlers left the field the Shehawks were able to get things going, and they finally kicked a field goal just before halftime. Then they scored 28 unanswered points. And as tradition would have it they sang the SheHawk fight after each score.
Final Score the Panhandlers 14 the Shehawks 31. I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay, I sleep all night and work all day I chop down trees and eat my lunch I wear pantyhose and bra….
And now we will talk about rule number 3 in the NFL. Rule number 3 states that no team shall travel across country and win, unless the destination is Ari-Freaking-Zona. So at the start of the game the Rams were trying to get on all four feet and the Cardinals struck quickly and kicked a field goal. The Rams stunned by the precision of the Cardinal offense went 3 plays and punted. The Cardinal offense scurried on the field and caught the Rams again off guard as they drove down the field and kicked another field goal. The Cardinals took their 6 to nothing lead and they thought that they had the game in hand. But these are not your older brother’s Rams, these are the Slinging Sammy Bradford’s Rams and they have no give in them when they are playing the Cardinals. Sammy showed what he was worth has he lead the Rams on 3 count them 3 field goal drives before the end of the first half to take a 9 to 6 lead at half time. Then in the second half the Cardinals fed up with their poor quarterback play decided to have a quarterback tryouts. They tried Max Hall, who should have been left in the hall, as he threw the ball 3 times with one completion to his team one interception, and one incompletion. He did have 2 sacks, which lost more yards than his completion was for. The out of the closet they brought John “The Skeleton” Skelton. 3 for 6 for 45 yards sucked a little less than anyone else they could have pulled from the stands.
Final Score the Rams 19, the Cardinals 6. It was like a being in the shower after a high school football, “lots of balls flying around but no real action to speak of.”
And now the game runs between the cowpies and the Colts. The cowpies started out on a 17 nothing run but the Colts came back 14 points of their own. Then the game went back and forth until a blocked punt put the Colts ahead, but a touchdown and 2 point conversion but Dallas back in the lead till Peyton drove the Colts to a game tying touchdown. In overtime Peyton threw his fourth interception and the Cowpies kicked a field goal to win it. After the game Peyton’s phone rang. “Yep? Oh hey how are we on that thing?” Peyton looks left and right over both shoulders searching for anyone who might hear. “I know my dad and mom spent some time in Kentucky back in 73 I think it was February, well Lachey was born in November ‘73 in Kentucky? Interesting.”
Final Score the Cowpies 38 the Colts 35. Peyton Throws 4 more interceptions he is on a Brett Favre pace we think.
On Sunday night we had a knock down drag out game between the Steelers and Ravens. When these two get together keep the kids and pets inside as you never know who is going to get shot. Or who is going to shoot for that matter. Taking lead into the fourth quarter the Ravens thought they had the game sewn up. But this is the Steelers we are talking about and they took over after a fumble at the Baltimore 9 yard line. Big Ben came into the huddle and told the guys “Look this game is ours for the taking, just like any underage girl coming out of the bathroom at any teen club in America. Sometime you have to take life either by the horns or by the hair and wrestle it to the ground till you have your way with it.”
Final score the Steelers 13 the Ravens 10. Did Big Ben learn anything in his female sensitivity training class?
And finally on Monday night we have the most anticipated game in the history of the NFL this Season. The New England Patriots have been pointing to this game for a while now, they got rid of Randy Moss, they traded for Deion Branch, and they practiced hard. They Jets on the other hand stood around and watched their coach make fun on Tom Brady, and his own super model wife instead of preparing his team to play. It was evident as the J E T S could only muster 2 field goal attempts, one they made and one they missed. The rest of the time Bill Bella-cheat held his foot on the neck of the J E T S while his team made light and sport of them and gave a dirty Sanchez to them all.. So like 234 years ago when the Patriots stuck it to the King of England. This night they stuck it to the King of New Jersey.
Final Score the Patriots 45 the J E T S 3. After the game a reporter asked “Racer X” Rex Ryan if he could take anything from this week game, he replied. “I sure can… My team was so gutless and weak; we won the Birth Canal Team of the week!!!”
Well they you go another week in the books. We know it is crazy this Holiday season and we want to wish everyone well as they hustle and bustle around from store to store to find that just right gift.
And remember like we always say…
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say
Home, home againI like to be here when I can
And when I come home cold and tired
It’s good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells.
Well well well, with 75% or three fourths, as we like to call it, gone, we can start to tell who is going to make a run into the playoffs. We don’t call it a tournament because it is the playoff. There are a few locks out there and a few that have been eliminated, hopefully we can sort it all out for you… so let’s not waste any time and let’s get to the this week’s Stroll. Expo? Give us something appropriate...
First on Thursday we find that the Dog Killer gets the National Audience. Thank God it was on the NFL network where only about 2 million homes get to see him. He did throw for 300 yards and rushed for 48 yards. He Lead the team in both categories. Well Matt Schaub did absolutely nothing to prove that he is an NFL quarterback capable of taking his team to the playoffs. So we guess that the Texans are going to be the favorite to win the AFC South next year, again.
Final Score the Texans 24 the Beagles 34. We can just hear it now. “Houston is and up and coming team and with a new coach they might be able to contend for the title in the AFC South.”
Starting at the bottom like we always do it is not interesting to find the Bronco’s there with the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs have played well this season better than we expected. We guess that Matt “the Rook” Cassel has played well enough. One thing we are sure of is that Head Coach Josh McDaniels probably will not make the end of the week. What? Oh wait this just in. Josh Mc Daniels has been fired. Nice right here at Christmas time. We guess he should have played his secret weapon a little more. TIM TEBOW was asked what he thought of the firing. “Well I think firing is a good thing. Like firing a touchdown pass. Or firing a stiff arm across someone’s face mask as I run in for the score.” “No TIM TEBOW your coach just got fired” The reporter said “What does that mean to you?” “Oh I can neither confirm nor deny that comment”
Final Score the Bronco’s 6 the Chiefs 10. Did TIM TEBOW go to college? Or is this guy just and idiot? In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Tim Tebow. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
Staying close to the bottom we find Jeff Fisher. Well we find Jeff Fisher’s bottom. In a great AFC South Battle the Jacksonville Jaguars went to the Tennessee and started to dismantle this proud franchise. Well actually Head Coach Jeff Fisher started to dismantle this proud franchise weeks ago, now he has no quarterback, unless you count Rusty “the Nail” Smith, or Kerry “the Virgin Tom” Collins. So back to this game for the 10 quarters that Vince Young has been hurt the Mighty Titans have scored 6 whole points. That is 2 field goals folks. 2 freaking field goals… The Titans are done now and with that so is Jeff Fisher right? If this comes to a standoff between the Owner who likes Vince Young and the Coach who doesn’t, who usually wins that battle?
Final Score the Jags 17 the Titans 6. Not much else to say about this one until the season is over…
And now for a game that had everything. It had 29 first downs, 23 points scored, and 16 punts. The game also had 8 penalties, 5 field goals attempted, 3 made field goals, 3 sacks, 3 interceptions 2 touchdown passes, 1 winner and 2 losers. 2 losers you ask? Yes there was only 1 person in the stands that had to endure this game, Thank God. Does anyone know what game this was?
Final Score the crappy team 13 the worse than crappy team 10. Do either of these teams even want anyone to know they played a game?
Wow is Mike Shanahan the greatest coach ever? First he benches Little Donnie Mac. Then Shanahan signs him for a contract extension for 78 million and Donnie responds by winning the coach 1 game since then. Now Shanahan is suspending Albert Haynesworth for conduct unbecoming to the team. What the hell is that? Conduct unbecoming to the team what, did he shoot the bird to the fans out in the stands? Did he step on someone’s head during a game? Since Coach is not saying then we are not sure. We guess we will have to speculate…. After the game against the rival Deadskins Eli was sitting in front of his Locker when that familiar ring tone came screaming from the top of his locker. “Oh When the Saints come Marching in Oh when Saints go marching in”… “Hey dad, we won again. Did you see?” From the other end of the phone came “Hell no I don’t watch your games. But I wanted to talk about your brother. He is really down in the dumps and needs you to lift him up. So I came up with this plan. You need to suck a lot more, stop winning so many games and let your brother be better than you so he can feel better. Alright do we have a deal?”
Final score the Giants 31 the Deadskins 7. What will Ellie do? Help his brother? Or continue to make himself a winner???
How do two teams heading in such different directions end up in the same place? Well Mr. Roger’s neighborhood was in full force this week as they rolled that little trolley that San Francisco rode in on. Can you just imagine an open air trolley in Wisconsin? We bet that was cold. Almost as cold as Aaron Rodgers was, as he was 21 of 30 for nearly 300 yards. And Troy “the DR” Smith only completed 10 passes all day.
Final Score the 49ers 16 the Packers 34. Man that Packers name makes us giggle.
Let’s talk about what is interesting. It is interesting what you can pick up from the sidelines of an NFL game. Let’s take Tarvaris Jackson, for example. For 1 and three quarters years Jackson has been watching Brett Favre from the sidelines, sitting with him in meetings, discussing check downs when Brett is not in a drunken stupor, Watching film of the other team while Brett texts naked pictures of his dingus to unsuspecting former female coworkers. Then Brett goes down to injury and Tarvaris gets his chance to show the world what he has learned. He throws 3 interceptions. But Adrian Peterson rushes for 3 touchdowns and the Viqueens were playing the Bills…
Final Score the Bills 14 the Viqueens 38. Is Brett going to play? Will his shoulder be well enough for him to play? Is the streak over? Only time will tell? Ohh we just got a text….
Looks like Da Bears stole another pik-a-nik basket. This Time from the Lioness’, When will Detroit win a game? This week after Detroit scored in the third quarter to take a 20 to 14 lead, they got so excited that they had 2 drives end in punts, and one drive end with a turnover on downs. Nice right and could only gain 47 yards. 47 Yards? In nearly a half of play you gain 47 yards? Are you kidding us? Well we now know why you can’t win. Hello Detroit you can’t move the ball. If you can’t move the ball then you can’t score it is pretty simple.
Final Score Da Bears 24 the Lioness’ 20. Hey Detroit grow a set and stand up a little okay? We think we may have been nice on you this season.
Well we have finally gotten to the point in the season where injured players come back. And look who is here? Guess who is back and playing? He is back at full speed. And he is the key to the game. Which game you ask? Any game he is in. So let’s see how he changed the game this week. REGGIE BUSH had 5 carries for 26 yards, with a long of 10 yards making his true stats 4 for 16 yards, not too bad. That is 1 carry a quarter. We guess you are not quite in full game shape just yet. So let’s see if we have any receiving yardage. Oh well he does. Let us see he has 3 catches for zero yards. Zero yards? He had a long of 9 yards. So that means he had 2 catches for minus 9 yards. We wonder if that was a minus 6 then a minus 3, or maybe a minus 5 then a minus 4? Well 8 touches for 26 yards. Nice huh?
Final Score the Saints 34 the Bunguls 30. That is production like TIM TEBOW… HA HA HA Ha…
And next we have an old AFC matchup as The Oakland Raiders went south to play the San Diego Chargers. Is the world really a better place when the Raiders are playing 500 ball? We can only guess that Al Davis is cheering for more victories than losses by the Raiders; however he must be asleep because the Raiders have been playing better. Jason Campbell is starting quarterback again for the Raiders and he did his best. His best resulted in a day of 10 catches on 16 attempts for 117 yards. Now that is production right? Hey as long as you win right?
Final Score the Raiders 38 the Chargers 13. Oh no is Al Davis awake? Oh no he just turned over….
Up next we go to a tough NFC South battle between the Falldowns and the Buc’s. The Buc’s had the perfect game plan for 3 quarters as they took a 17 to 14 lead into the fourth quarter. But then after going 3 and out to start the fourth quarter they punted and the Falldowns took the ball and promptly threw an interception. So with 12:24 left in the game and the Buc’s have the ball at Atlanta’s 39 yard line they proceeded to push the ball over the goal line for a touchdown and 24 to 14 lead. Head Coach Raheem Morris then decided to replace his regular kick off team with the combination of the invisible man, the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, Amy Winehouse, the great pumpkin, count Chocula, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble, that stupid purple dinosaur Barney, and one of the super Mario brother we think it was Luigi, and General Francisco Franco. The Falldowns kick returner Eric Weems said thank you very much as he streaked down the side lines for a touchdown to get the game close. Then the bottom fell out of the corn market futures completely and Buccaneers could do nothing as the Falldowns scored again to put the game out of their reach.
Final Score the Falldowns 28 the Buc’s 24. Another kickoff return for a touchdown… we will have to do some investigating as to why we have so many of these this year…
Up next we head to great northwest and find the Seattle Shehawks inviting the Carolina Panhandlers to town. Why anyone would want to invite panhandlers to their town is beyond us but it is Seattle so enough said right? Okay so the panhandlers didn’t stay long. They scored 2 touchdowns in the first 22 minutes of the game then they left the field and from what we can see, the offense never returned. It took a while for the Shehawks to get it together but after the Panhandlers left the field the Shehawks were able to get things going, and they finally kicked a field goal just before halftime. Then they scored 28 unanswered points. And as tradition would have it they sang the SheHawk fight after each score.
Final Score the Panhandlers 14 the Shehawks 31. I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay, I sleep all night and work all day I chop down trees and eat my lunch I wear pantyhose and bra….
And now we will talk about rule number 3 in the NFL. Rule number 3 states that no team shall travel across country and win, unless the destination is Ari-Freaking-Zona. So at the start of the game the Rams were trying to get on all four feet and the Cardinals struck quickly and kicked a field goal. The Rams stunned by the precision of the Cardinal offense went 3 plays and punted. The Cardinal offense scurried on the field and caught the Rams again off guard as they drove down the field and kicked another field goal. The Cardinals took their 6 to nothing lead and they thought that they had the game in hand. But these are not your older brother’s Rams, these are the Slinging Sammy Bradford’s Rams and they have no give in them when they are playing the Cardinals. Sammy showed what he was worth has he lead the Rams on 3 count them 3 field goal drives before the end of the first half to take a 9 to 6 lead at half time. Then in the second half the Cardinals fed up with their poor quarterback play decided to have a quarterback tryouts. They tried Max Hall, who should have been left in the hall, as he threw the ball 3 times with one completion to his team one interception, and one incompletion. He did have 2 sacks, which lost more yards than his completion was for. The out of the closet they brought John “The Skeleton” Skelton. 3 for 6 for 45 yards sucked a little less than anyone else they could have pulled from the stands.
Final Score the Rams 19, the Cardinals 6. It was like a being in the shower after a high school football, “lots of balls flying around but no real action to speak of.”
And now the game runs between the cowpies and the Colts. The cowpies started out on a 17 nothing run but the Colts came back 14 points of their own. Then the game went back and forth until a blocked punt put the Colts ahead, but a touchdown and 2 point conversion but Dallas back in the lead till Peyton drove the Colts to a game tying touchdown. In overtime Peyton threw his fourth interception and the Cowpies kicked a field goal to win it. After the game Peyton’s phone rang. “Yep? Oh hey how are we on that thing?” Peyton looks left and right over both shoulders searching for anyone who might hear. “I know my dad and mom spent some time in Kentucky back in 73 I think it was February, well Lachey was born in November ‘73 in Kentucky? Interesting.”
Final Score the Cowpies 38 the Colts 35. Peyton Throws 4 more interceptions he is on a Brett Favre pace we think.
On Sunday night we had a knock down drag out game between the Steelers and Ravens. When these two get together keep the kids and pets inside as you never know who is going to get shot. Or who is going to shoot for that matter. Taking lead into the fourth quarter the Ravens thought they had the game sewn up. But this is the Steelers we are talking about and they took over after a fumble at the Baltimore 9 yard line. Big Ben came into the huddle and told the guys “Look this game is ours for the taking, just like any underage girl coming out of the bathroom at any teen club in America. Sometime you have to take life either by the horns or by the hair and wrestle it to the ground till you have your way with it.”
Final score the Steelers 13 the Ravens 10. Did Big Ben learn anything in his female sensitivity training class?
And finally on Monday night we have the most anticipated game in the history of the NFL this Season. The New England Patriots have been pointing to this game for a while now, they got rid of Randy Moss, they traded for Deion Branch, and they practiced hard. They Jets on the other hand stood around and watched their coach make fun on Tom Brady, and his own super model wife instead of preparing his team to play. It was evident as the J E T S could only muster 2 field goal attempts, one they made and one they missed. The rest of the time Bill Bella-cheat held his foot on the neck of the J E T S while his team made light and sport of them and gave a dirty Sanchez to them all.. So like 234 years ago when the Patriots stuck it to the King of England. This night they stuck it to the King of New Jersey.
Final Score the Patriots 45 the J E T S 3. After the game a reporter asked “Racer X” Rex Ryan if he could take anything from this week game, he replied. “I sure can… My team was so gutless and weak; we won the Birth Canal Team of the week!!!”
Well they you go another week in the books. We know it is crazy this Holiday season and we want to wish everyone well as they hustle and bustle around from store to store to find that just right gift.
And remember like we always say…
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say
Home, home againI like to be here when I can
And when I come home cold and tired
It’s good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Stroll donw the NFL boulevard 2010 week 12
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 12 2010
Here we are week 12 and the Holidays are upon us. With lots of happy feelings and good cheer for one and all we see who is on the naughty list and who is on the nice list. Things may change from here on out but the playoffs are coming and they are coming faster and faster each week. So if you are ready, then we are ready. So let’s get going Expo do your thing please…
So we will start the bottom this week. Way back in the day when Thanksgiving was right, our family used to get to Grandma’s around 10AM and the kids would go out and play football, and the Moms would help with the cooking and the dad’s would sit around in the living room and talk about how great the year was. They would talk about what they were going to get their families for Christmas. They would talk about how Detroit was going to play or how the Cowboys were going to do, then 11:30 CST would finally arrive and we would all gather around the smallish by today’s standards and watch Detroit get killed. We would call it our appetizer. So then after the game was decided some time before half we would get a plate and begin to talk as the game became secondary. This year was not much different except that Detroit hung in there a little longer, almost made it to the pumpkin pie this year.
Final Score the Patriots 45 the Lioness’ 24. Pats are on the naughty list, Detroit on the nice list. What team is nicer that Detroit?
Next the Cowpies were looking to win 3 straight games for the first time this season and give the Diehard fans something to cheer about on Turkey day. The key stat in this game that you will only see here. The Cowpies had 6 fumbles but as usual the last one was the most costly. If you could put a price tag a fumble we say that this one was about 27 million. Is that what the Cowpies are paying Roy Williams? Well never mind now. Hey he did give the fans something to scream about, Most were screaming to hold on the Freaking ball you dumb S-O-B. Well like the ball going through Bill Bukner’s legs in the World Series. Someone had to be Calvin Schraldi and today that person was Terrance Newman has he let some nobody run down the sidelines and catch a Drew Brees pass then the Saints Scored . We guess that when you lead the game 20 to 6 at halftime you should win. But like a dagger thru Jerry Jones heart this; one hurt the fans, the team, and that little boy in all of us wanting the cowpies to be better than this.
Final score The S-Aints 30 the Cowpies 27. New Orleans on the nice list Cowpies on the suck list.
Now that we have talked about memories and how we used to be on Thanksgiving we come to the most needless game on the schedule this week. This game could have been played on Thursday, Friday or Saturday. It could have been played in New York, New Jersey, or the Moon, but the fact remains that as long as the NFL plays a game on its own network then only 2 million people are going to have the chance of seeing it. How crazy is that. We did however think it was cute that the folks in New Jersey got to see 2 home games this week. So to talk about this would be disrespectful to those who saw it live, or should I say that slept through this game
Final Score the Bunguls 10 the J E T S 26. No Last second heroics this week. Just one long dirty Sanchez for the Bunguls. JETS on the naughty list because of their coach, and the Bunguls are so close to the suck list that we are not sure if we can stop it.
Okay so now we get to Sunday, and we find the Battle of Houston. This game had to be the bottom game of the week. Why would anyone battle for Houston? Well let’s just take a look at some of the Stats of Titan Quarterback Rusty “The Nail” Smith. He had a stellar performance as he went 17 for 31 for 138 yards. He had 3 interceptions and probably sucked as he walked off the field just before his team punted 7 times in the game. Wow 9 first downs 10 penalties 20 minutes in time of possession and do you think Jeff Fisher’s job is in Jeopardy? Hey he is the longest tenured Head Coach in the NFL logging 17 seasons with the Titans. However what is cool about him is he has only 6 winning seasons during that time. Do you think he wants a do over with Vince Young? Hey maybe he can trade for Matt Leinart the Back up in Houston surely he can’t suck as bad a good ole Rusty. Oh wait, he probably sucks worse. With the lack of production by the Titans it looks like the Texans could only muster 20 points. We know that you want us to talk about the fight. Here is what we boil it down to. Cortland Finnegan is a punk, always has been and always will be. He should have been suspended.
Final Score the Titans 0 the Texans 20. Both teams on the naughty list. Hey Jeff Fisher here is your prize for the game, no it is not a game ball it is the Birth canal team of the week though.
Now let’s talk about the Buccan game. After months on wondering if the Buc’s were for real we found a test for them. The Baltimore Ravens and Joe “the Delaware Destroyer” Flacco fit the bill nicely. And the Buc’s held their own a late touchdown probably made it closer than it should have been, but hey after a couple a poor seasons the Buc’s are coming out of it nicely. After the game Joe Flacco was asked “Could you see the Buccaneers coming at you during the 4 sacks you took?” He thought for a moment then answered “I couldn’t see a Buccaneer, a damn ear, or any kind of ear? They were wearing helmets you Jack wagon.”
Final score the Bucs 10 the Ravens 17. Bucs on the nice list Ravens on the naughty but only because Ray Lewis killed that guy at the Superbowl .
Up next we have Debut of Leslie Frazier has Viqueens head coach. And being the analyst the Frazier is he was able to get Brett Favre to not throw an interception. Yes it is true. For what seems like forever Brett Favre didn’t throw an interception. And apparently the heavens opened up and God looked down and pointed at the Viqueens and said “You will win.” You know how sometimes a stat just jumps out at you and you can’t do anything about it??? Well the line for Brett Favre Rushing shows us 5 rushes for 9 nine yards. Not Reggie Bush numbers but when you see that is long was 10 yards he really had 4 rushes for a -1 yard. Now that is impressive…
Final Score the Viqueens 17 the Deadskins 13. Both on the Naughty list… You can’t sext pictures of yourself and expect to be on the nice list. And you have to be in good shape to be on nice list…
Okay up next we have to talk about the game that should have never been played. The Brownstains and the Panhandlers played a game and you know what? The only highlights are the one that showed Peyton Hillis. Now we aren’t sure but we think that this Hillis guy is the only thing that the Brownstains have and if the Carolina can’t figure out how to stop him then they don’t deserve to win. Well the thank goodness they didn’t. This is probably more than this game deserves…
Final Score the Panhandlers 23 the Brownstains 24. Neither of these teams deserves the nice list, and both should be on the suck list.
Now we hear about the Ellie the good Manning son. All it took was for Peyton to falter and look who is right there waiting in the wings to be the best manning kid. At the End of the game Ellie was heard in the locker room on his cell phone “Hey Mom. Thanks for the great Turkey dinner I think it really helped me out this week. Yea we won we are 7 wins and 4 losses now.” On the other end of the phone a voice said “Well dear now you know we don’t make fun of anyone in this house. If you don’t have anything nice to say about anyone then you don’t say anything.” Then someone screamed in to the phone “Is this my sissy of a son who has only been to 1 superbowl?” Eli replied “Yes Dad. Hey did I tell you we won and the big game and I threw 2 touchdowns today?” In a Drunken stupor Eli’s Dad replied “You only threw 2 touchdowns? I bet you didn’t even throw for 250 yards did you? DID YOU!!!???” “No” Eli replied “But we won the game, isn’t that what is important?”
Final Score the Jag20 the Giants 24. Jags and Giants both on the nice list, but Eli’s Daddy, he is going on the naughty list.
Imagine, if you will, two opposing forces that when they get together everything kind of just fizzle. The Head Coach of Shehawks Pete Carroll had a chance to prove that his team belonged in the NFL. Then the Kansas City Chiefs Showed up to ruin Pete’s Thanksgiving Day meal. After the game during the press conference Pete Carroll was asked “Hey Coach, and we use that term loosely, did you think you were back in the game at 24 to 35 after you scored so quickly?” “Well” Pete replied “we think we are always in the game, no matter how far behind we fall.” “Then another reporter asked “So do you think you are still in the game now?” “Well as a matter of fact no we are not in the game now, but if we play them again…”
Final Score the Chiefs 42 the Shehawks 24. We guess we have to put the Chiefs on the nice list and the Shehawks should be on the stupid list.
So up next we have an old AFL Matchup as the Raiders came from Oakland to the land of Sunshine and Love, Better known as Florida. It looks like the Raiders were soaking up something, and it was not offense. The Raiders had a total of 262 yards and just 11 first downs. You are not going to win much with that kind of figure. Mr. Al Davis had a terrible under that velour sweat suit. As an example of like of production, Darrin McFadden had 8 carries for 2 yards. That is terrible. And he had a long carry of 6 yards.
Final Score the Raiders 17 the Dolphins 33. Dolphins on the nice list, Raiders on the Suck list. Wouldn’t you know that McFadden is on my fantasy team?
Next didn’t you just know that when Ryan Lindell kicked the game tying field goal to put the game in over time that the Kicking Gods were looking down on Buffalo smiling. Knowing that they had, for the moment, made up for that superbowl disaster from the 90’s. Then they won the toss and you got the sense that they might have a chance, then they had a great return and they were set up on the Pittsburg 48 yard line. Then Ryan Fitzpatrick, steady and true, dropped back and scanned the field. He Found Steven Jackson running alone while Stealer defenders trailing him like he was some guy on Cheaters. And as the ball was coming down everything went in to slow motion, and for just a second you started to celebrate as you began to realize that the Buffalo Bills were going to win against the Pittsburg Steelers. Then Stephen Jackson let the ball slip through his fingers all the way to the ground and it fell harmlessly there. This play ended like one of the world cup Soccer games, Lots of running around but not much scoring.
Final Score the Steelers 19 the Bills 16. We can only guess the Gods smiling turned in to laughing… Steelers on the Naughty List and the Bills on the nice. They never beat anyone and let everyone beat them.
Up next Da Bears Stole another Pik-a-nic basket, this time from the Beagles. Michael Vick came to town and decided to lead his team on Field goal drives. But field goals don’t win in this league unless you are the Steelers. Anyway da Bears made Michael Vick their little boo boo. And he had a few boo boo’s as well. He had an interception and 15 incompletion as well as 4 sacks. Hopefully they will lose the rest of their games and miss the playoffs, but that might not happen.
Final Score the Beagles 26 Da Bears 33. The Beagles are on the naughty list and Da Bears are on the nice list.
Now we will talk about the newest name change here at the stroll. The St Louis Ewes have been moved to the new status of the “Rams” Slingin Sammy Bradford has the Rams pointed in the right direction. If that direction is up then he is okay. We still don’t think he will hold but for now is doing better than any quarterback in say Arizona. We were looking for TIM TEBOW but he was nowhere to be found. During the post game press conference Head Coach Josh McDaniel’s was asked “Hey Coach why didn’t you use TIM TEBOW? Was he available?” McDaniels Glared at the young reporter and said “That is our secret Weapon? Who told you about him?” “Hum it is common knowledge that you drafted TIM TEBOW in the draft in April.” The reporter replied. “Well he is our secret weapon and he will remain a secret until such a time as we need a weapon.” The Coach retorted. “Don’t you think you needed a weapon against the St Louis?” asked the reporter. To which the coach said “they are St Louis do you think we really need help beating St Louis???” It looked like you did “wonderkid”. Did you not have enough game film on St Louis???
Final Score the Rams 36 the Bronco’s 33. Here the Rams go on the nice list. Denver should go on the stupid list but we are going with the ever popular Suck list…
And Last on Sunday night we find Peyton Manning in the worst of his Career. His last couple of games have been real stinkers. It is like he is channeling Matt Schwab or something. After scoring first the Colts were treated to a very nice offensive showing by the Chargers. Charger Head Coach Norv Turner had reason to hold his head high and his chargers stomped a mud hole then walked it dry, all over the Colts. After the game, Peyton was sitting in front of his Locker with his head in his hands he hears his cell phone start to ring. As he opens it up and puts it to his ear, he hears the familiar voice. “Hey Peyton, sorry you didn’t do well tonight, is there anything I can do for you?” “Well as a matter of fact yes you can.’ Peyton said. “Can we find an all night ping-pong Parlor and play a few games, I have something to talk to you about.” “What is it?” came from the other end of phone. “ Well I need to get rid of Nick Lachey ever since my mom talked about him I can’t seem to get his image out of my head.” To which the other end of the phone replied ““I swear on everything that is holy, I Justin Timberlake will help you get rid of that Jack wagon. “
Final score the Chargers 36 the Colts 14. Oh no what is Peyton planning next? Chargers on nice list and it looks like the Colts on the Naughty list, depending on what happened in the next few weeks.
And Finally on Monday night we find the Cardinals and the 49ers in what turned into a laugher. It was so funny that even the players were laughing about it on the field. Hey Derek Anderson why don’t you do everyone a favor and just quit. We are sure that there is some division 3 school trying to start a football program that needs a poor excuse for a quarterback. And right now you are the poorest excuse we can find. You get baited to easily and that reporter baited you till you short circuited. Your press conferences should be used as and example of how not to answer questions. For that matter your game tapes should be shown as how not to quarterback a professional football team. Honestly we have seen better quarterback play in high school games.
Final score the 49ers 27 the Cardinals 6 now for the list the 49ers are on the nice list and the Cardinals are on the suck list…
Well that will just about do it for us this week. We hope you are enjoying this as much as were are putting it together…
And remember like we always say….
ohoh my friends feel it's thier appionted dutey .
oh they keep tryna tell me hunhuah ,
all u wanna do is 2 use me
hey hey my answer
hey hey and i wanna spread the news that if it feels this good gett'n used,
oh u just keep on use'n me....
untill you use me up
hey hey till you use me up
hey my big brother,
huh huh sit me down in the room and talked to me
yeah u know he told me yuh huh huhhey that i autha not let u just walk on me
and i'm shure he ment well yeah
uh huhbut when our talk was through,
hey i said brother if you only knew,
you'ed wish you were in my shoesyou just keep on use'n me till
you use me up
yeah hey till u use me up
hey u know some times it's true u realy do abuse me
get me among your high-class friends
hunhunhuh hey hey then u act real rude to me
huhhunh but oh baby ,
baby baby baby when u loove me i can't get enough
hey and i wanna spread the news ,
that if it feels this good getting used oh u just keep on using me
hey hey till u use me up
hey hey untill u use me up
hey hey and now u talking bout use'n people
it all depend on what you doit aint too bad the way your using me cause i shure am using you to do that thang you do
hey hey do that thang you do
Here we are week 12 and the Holidays are upon us. With lots of happy feelings and good cheer for one and all we see who is on the naughty list and who is on the nice list. Things may change from here on out but the playoffs are coming and they are coming faster and faster each week. So if you are ready, then we are ready. So let’s get going Expo do your thing please…
So we will start the bottom this week. Way back in the day when Thanksgiving was right, our family used to get to Grandma’s around 10AM and the kids would go out and play football, and the Moms would help with the cooking and the dad’s would sit around in the living room and talk about how great the year was. They would talk about what they were going to get their families for Christmas. They would talk about how Detroit was going to play or how the Cowboys were going to do, then 11:30 CST would finally arrive and we would all gather around the smallish by today’s standards and watch Detroit get killed. We would call it our appetizer. So then after the game was decided some time before half we would get a plate and begin to talk as the game became secondary. This year was not much different except that Detroit hung in there a little longer, almost made it to the pumpkin pie this year.
Final Score the Patriots 45 the Lioness’ 24. Pats are on the naughty list, Detroit on the nice list. What team is nicer that Detroit?
Next the Cowpies were looking to win 3 straight games for the first time this season and give the Diehard fans something to cheer about on Turkey day. The key stat in this game that you will only see here. The Cowpies had 6 fumbles but as usual the last one was the most costly. If you could put a price tag a fumble we say that this one was about 27 million. Is that what the Cowpies are paying Roy Williams? Well never mind now. Hey he did give the fans something to scream about, Most were screaming to hold on the Freaking ball you dumb S-O-B. Well like the ball going through Bill Bukner’s legs in the World Series. Someone had to be Calvin Schraldi and today that person was Terrance Newman has he let some nobody run down the sidelines and catch a Drew Brees pass then the Saints Scored . We guess that when you lead the game 20 to 6 at halftime you should win. But like a dagger thru Jerry Jones heart this; one hurt the fans, the team, and that little boy in all of us wanting the cowpies to be better than this.
Final score The S-Aints 30 the Cowpies 27. New Orleans on the nice list Cowpies on the suck list.
Now that we have talked about memories and how we used to be on Thanksgiving we come to the most needless game on the schedule this week. This game could have been played on Thursday, Friday or Saturday. It could have been played in New York, New Jersey, or the Moon, but the fact remains that as long as the NFL plays a game on its own network then only 2 million people are going to have the chance of seeing it. How crazy is that. We did however think it was cute that the folks in New Jersey got to see 2 home games this week. So to talk about this would be disrespectful to those who saw it live, or should I say that slept through this game
Final Score the Bunguls 10 the J E T S 26. No Last second heroics this week. Just one long dirty Sanchez for the Bunguls. JETS on the naughty list because of their coach, and the Bunguls are so close to the suck list that we are not sure if we can stop it.
Okay so now we get to Sunday, and we find the Battle of Houston. This game had to be the bottom game of the week. Why would anyone battle for Houston? Well let’s just take a look at some of the Stats of Titan Quarterback Rusty “The Nail” Smith. He had a stellar performance as he went 17 for 31 for 138 yards. He had 3 interceptions and probably sucked as he walked off the field just before his team punted 7 times in the game. Wow 9 first downs 10 penalties 20 minutes in time of possession and do you think Jeff Fisher’s job is in Jeopardy? Hey he is the longest tenured Head Coach in the NFL logging 17 seasons with the Titans. However what is cool about him is he has only 6 winning seasons during that time. Do you think he wants a do over with Vince Young? Hey maybe he can trade for Matt Leinart the Back up in Houston surely he can’t suck as bad a good ole Rusty. Oh wait, he probably sucks worse. With the lack of production by the Titans it looks like the Texans could only muster 20 points. We know that you want us to talk about the fight. Here is what we boil it down to. Cortland Finnegan is a punk, always has been and always will be. He should have been suspended.
Final Score the Titans 0 the Texans 20. Both teams on the naughty list. Hey Jeff Fisher here is your prize for the game, no it is not a game ball it is the Birth canal team of the week though.
Now let’s talk about the Buccan game. After months on wondering if the Buc’s were for real we found a test for them. The Baltimore Ravens and Joe “the Delaware Destroyer” Flacco fit the bill nicely. And the Buc’s held their own a late touchdown probably made it closer than it should have been, but hey after a couple a poor seasons the Buc’s are coming out of it nicely. After the game Joe Flacco was asked “Could you see the Buccaneers coming at you during the 4 sacks you took?” He thought for a moment then answered “I couldn’t see a Buccaneer, a damn ear, or any kind of ear? They were wearing helmets you Jack wagon.”
Final score the Bucs 10 the Ravens 17. Bucs on the nice list Ravens on the naughty but only because Ray Lewis killed that guy at the Superbowl .
Up next we have Debut of Leslie Frazier has Viqueens head coach. And being the analyst the Frazier is he was able to get Brett Favre to not throw an interception. Yes it is true. For what seems like forever Brett Favre didn’t throw an interception. And apparently the heavens opened up and God looked down and pointed at the Viqueens and said “You will win.” You know how sometimes a stat just jumps out at you and you can’t do anything about it??? Well the line for Brett Favre Rushing shows us 5 rushes for 9 nine yards. Not Reggie Bush numbers but when you see that is long was 10 yards he really had 4 rushes for a -1 yard. Now that is impressive…
Final Score the Viqueens 17 the Deadskins 13. Both on the Naughty list… You can’t sext pictures of yourself and expect to be on the nice list. And you have to be in good shape to be on nice list…
Okay up next we have to talk about the game that should have never been played. The Brownstains and the Panhandlers played a game and you know what? The only highlights are the one that showed Peyton Hillis. Now we aren’t sure but we think that this Hillis guy is the only thing that the Brownstains have and if the Carolina can’t figure out how to stop him then they don’t deserve to win. Well the thank goodness they didn’t. This is probably more than this game deserves…
Final Score the Panhandlers 23 the Brownstains 24. Neither of these teams deserves the nice list, and both should be on the suck list.
Now we hear about the Ellie the good Manning son. All it took was for Peyton to falter and look who is right there waiting in the wings to be the best manning kid. At the End of the game Ellie was heard in the locker room on his cell phone “Hey Mom. Thanks for the great Turkey dinner I think it really helped me out this week. Yea we won we are 7 wins and 4 losses now.” On the other end of the phone a voice said “Well dear now you know we don’t make fun of anyone in this house. If you don’t have anything nice to say about anyone then you don’t say anything.” Then someone screamed in to the phone “Is this my sissy of a son who has only been to 1 superbowl?” Eli replied “Yes Dad. Hey did I tell you we won and the big game and I threw 2 touchdowns today?” In a Drunken stupor Eli’s Dad replied “You only threw 2 touchdowns? I bet you didn’t even throw for 250 yards did you? DID YOU!!!???” “No” Eli replied “But we won the game, isn’t that what is important?”
Final Score the Jag20 the Giants 24. Jags and Giants both on the nice list, but Eli’s Daddy, he is going on the naughty list.
Imagine, if you will, two opposing forces that when they get together everything kind of just fizzle. The Head Coach of Shehawks Pete Carroll had a chance to prove that his team belonged in the NFL. Then the Kansas City Chiefs Showed up to ruin Pete’s Thanksgiving Day meal. After the game during the press conference Pete Carroll was asked “Hey Coach, and we use that term loosely, did you think you were back in the game at 24 to 35 after you scored so quickly?” “Well” Pete replied “we think we are always in the game, no matter how far behind we fall.” “Then another reporter asked “So do you think you are still in the game now?” “Well as a matter of fact no we are not in the game now, but if we play them again…”
Final Score the Chiefs 42 the Shehawks 24. We guess we have to put the Chiefs on the nice list and the Shehawks should be on the stupid list.
So up next we have an old AFL Matchup as the Raiders came from Oakland to the land of Sunshine and Love, Better known as Florida. It looks like the Raiders were soaking up something, and it was not offense. The Raiders had a total of 262 yards and just 11 first downs. You are not going to win much with that kind of figure. Mr. Al Davis had a terrible under that velour sweat suit. As an example of like of production, Darrin McFadden had 8 carries for 2 yards. That is terrible. And he had a long carry of 6 yards.
Final Score the Raiders 17 the Dolphins 33. Dolphins on the nice list, Raiders on the Suck list. Wouldn’t you know that McFadden is on my fantasy team?
Next didn’t you just know that when Ryan Lindell kicked the game tying field goal to put the game in over time that the Kicking Gods were looking down on Buffalo smiling. Knowing that they had, for the moment, made up for that superbowl disaster from the 90’s. Then they won the toss and you got the sense that they might have a chance, then they had a great return and they were set up on the Pittsburg 48 yard line. Then Ryan Fitzpatrick, steady and true, dropped back and scanned the field. He Found Steven Jackson running alone while Stealer defenders trailing him like he was some guy on Cheaters. And as the ball was coming down everything went in to slow motion, and for just a second you started to celebrate as you began to realize that the Buffalo Bills were going to win against the Pittsburg Steelers. Then Stephen Jackson let the ball slip through his fingers all the way to the ground and it fell harmlessly there. This play ended like one of the world cup Soccer games, Lots of running around but not much scoring.
Final Score the Steelers 19 the Bills 16. We can only guess the Gods smiling turned in to laughing… Steelers on the Naughty List and the Bills on the nice. They never beat anyone and let everyone beat them.
Up next Da Bears Stole another Pik-a-nic basket, this time from the Beagles. Michael Vick came to town and decided to lead his team on Field goal drives. But field goals don’t win in this league unless you are the Steelers. Anyway da Bears made Michael Vick their little boo boo. And he had a few boo boo’s as well. He had an interception and 15 incompletion as well as 4 sacks. Hopefully they will lose the rest of their games and miss the playoffs, but that might not happen.
Final Score the Beagles 26 Da Bears 33. The Beagles are on the naughty list and Da Bears are on the nice list.
Now we will talk about the newest name change here at the stroll. The St Louis Ewes have been moved to the new status of the “Rams” Slingin Sammy Bradford has the Rams pointed in the right direction. If that direction is up then he is okay. We still don’t think he will hold but for now is doing better than any quarterback in say Arizona. We were looking for TIM TEBOW but he was nowhere to be found. During the post game press conference Head Coach Josh McDaniel’s was asked “Hey Coach why didn’t you use TIM TEBOW? Was he available?” McDaniels Glared at the young reporter and said “That is our secret Weapon? Who told you about him?” “Hum it is common knowledge that you drafted TIM TEBOW in the draft in April.” The reporter replied. “Well he is our secret weapon and he will remain a secret until such a time as we need a weapon.” The Coach retorted. “Don’t you think you needed a weapon against the St Louis?” asked the reporter. To which the coach said “they are St Louis do you think we really need help beating St Louis???” It looked like you did “wonderkid”. Did you not have enough game film on St Louis???
Final Score the Rams 36 the Bronco’s 33. Here the Rams go on the nice list. Denver should go on the stupid list but we are going with the ever popular Suck list…
And Last on Sunday night we find Peyton Manning in the worst of his Career. His last couple of games have been real stinkers. It is like he is channeling Matt Schwab or something. After scoring first the Colts were treated to a very nice offensive showing by the Chargers. Charger Head Coach Norv Turner had reason to hold his head high and his chargers stomped a mud hole then walked it dry, all over the Colts. After the game, Peyton was sitting in front of his Locker with his head in his hands he hears his cell phone start to ring. As he opens it up and puts it to his ear, he hears the familiar voice. “Hey Peyton, sorry you didn’t do well tonight, is there anything I can do for you?” “Well as a matter of fact yes you can.’ Peyton said. “Can we find an all night ping-pong Parlor and play a few games, I have something to talk to you about.” “What is it?” came from the other end of phone. “ Well I need to get rid of Nick Lachey ever since my mom talked about him I can’t seem to get his image out of my head.” To which the other end of the phone replied ““I swear on everything that is holy, I Justin Timberlake will help you get rid of that Jack wagon. “
Final score the Chargers 36 the Colts 14. Oh no what is Peyton planning next? Chargers on nice list and it looks like the Colts on the Naughty list, depending on what happened in the next few weeks.
And Finally on Monday night we find the Cardinals and the 49ers in what turned into a laugher. It was so funny that even the players were laughing about it on the field. Hey Derek Anderson why don’t you do everyone a favor and just quit. We are sure that there is some division 3 school trying to start a football program that needs a poor excuse for a quarterback. And right now you are the poorest excuse we can find. You get baited to easily and that reporter baited you till you short circuited. Your press conferences should be used as and example of how not to answer questions. For that matter your game tapes should be shown as how not to quarterback a professional football team. Honestly we have seen better quarterback play in high school games.
Final score the 49ers 27 the Cardinals 6 now for the list the 49ers are on the nice list and the Cardinals are on the suck list…
Well that will just about do it for us this week. We hope you are enjoying this as much as were are putting it together…
And remember like we always say….
ohoh my friends feel it's thier appionted dutey .
oh they keep tryna tell me hunhuah ,
all u wanna do is 2 use me
hey hey my answer
hey hey and i wanna spread the news that if it feels this good gett'n used,
oh u just keep on use'n me....
untill you use me up
hey hey till you use me up
hey my big brother,
huh huh sit me down in the room and talked to me
yeah u know he told me yuh huh huhhey that i autha not let u just walk on me
and i'm shure he ment well yeah
uh huhbut when our talk was through,
hey i said brother if you only knew,
you'ed wish you were in my shoesyou just keep on use'n me till
you use me up
yeah hey till u use me up
hey u know some times it's true u realy do abuse me
get me among your high-class friends
hunhunhuh hey hey then u act real rude to me
huhhunh but oh baby ,
baby baby baby when u loove me i can't get enough
hey and i wanna spread the news ,
that if it feels this good getting used oh u just keep on using me
hey hey till u use me up
hey hey untill u use me up
hey hey and now u talking bout use'n people
it all depend on what you doit aint too bad the way your using me cause i shure am using you to do that thang you do
hey hey do that thang you do
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard Week 11 2010
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 11 2010
Well who would have believed that it only took 11 weeks to get to week 11? Oh wait, we guess that it should take about 11 weeks to get to week 11 huh? Anyway let’s start by talking about who didn’t play this week. Oh wait everyone was on the schedule this week, but did everyone play? Let’s get started, Expo Kick it!!!
First up we will start on Thursday. Okay NFL we get it you want to promote your product to the world 2 million people at a time. But if you continue to put games on television on Thursday when no one is expecting it, then no one is going to watch. Hell Miami didn’t even leave Florida for this game. It was like they didn’t even get on the plane to Chicago. They don’t have a quarterback to speak of as Tyler “The pig” Thigpen is now the starter. He went 17 for 29 for 187 yards and an interception. We probably would have been bored if we would have watched the game but we didn’t remember that it was on.
Final Score Da Bears something the Dolphins nothing. did that game even get played????
Up next we head to Sunday and the bottom again, and how could we have been so wrong? The San Francisco 49ers are done stick a fork in them. Come on everyone grab a fork and start poking all that needs to happen now is Head Coach Mike Singletary get fired. His words have been falling on deaf ears for several weeks now. We thought that the men playing there would have at last tried but after this week we can tell that all the coaching, reasoning, screaming, and trying to build them up as men should be just about over now. The only thing left is the insertion of a new coach. We don’t know if they will be a stiff and hard as Coach Mike. But hey everyone wants to be like Mike right?
Final score the Buc’s 21 the 49ers nothing. Oh and yes all the innuendo’s above are our little way of saying. “Hey San Francisco you are this week’s Birth Canal team of the week…
Staying near the bottom we find the Raiders visiting the Pittsburg Steelers. The return of one of the most fierce battles of the 70’s which actually turned into a big fizzle. Watching this game was like watching reruns of Bonanza on TV Land. We mean everyone remembers the show but do you remember the plot theme? Okay Ben (Lorene Green) and Adam (Pernell Roberts) would be gone selling horses or cows or Ling Su the cook, and Hoss and Little Joe would do something stupid like step on some gunslingers foot. Then there would be some sort of fight, and Ben and Adam would show up and save the day Yahoo!!! So in the game Imagine that the Steelers are Ben and Adam and they are running around scoring like cattlemen at the cattle Barons Ball, and the Raiders are the gunslingers going to town for a bath and night with a gal in Saloon. When someone stepped on Richard Seymour s foot. So he punched the closest guy. It just happened to be Big Ben Roethlisberger. We are so glad that everyone has the upmost respect for Seymour as he took a swing at Ben and knocked him to the floor.
Final Score the Raiders 3 the Steelers 35 We think that big Ben said something about Seymour’s sister but we can neither confirm nor deny that.
Next we will stay near the bottom and find the Green Bay Packers visiting the Viqueens of Minnesota. 2 weeks ago fresh off getting Wade Phillips fired from his cushy Dallas Cowpies head coaching job the Packers had a team meeting. Some asked what we they had to do to get another Coach fired? Well a few of the players texted Brett Favre and asked what can we do to help you get rid of “Chilly”. Brett responded “Well Fellows I have this one sewn up like a guy with a colostomy bag” then he texted the guys a picture of his scrotum and took another vicadin. In a game where the unretireable Brett Favre went 17 to 38 for 208 yards and another interception it was Brett holding the nail while someone else used a hammer to nail the coffin shut. Brett said it best himself.
Final Score the Packers 31 the Viqueens 3. “I think we all, starting with me, could have done more to make this a successful season” We think you think it is a successful season now that Brad Childress is gone.
And now we will remind you of that time when you were in a grocery store and some woman is trying to make a point to the screaming child in her cart that the child can’t have what they want. The child just keeps screaming and screaming and it is so annoying. You know what we mean? And no matter where you go in the store you can hear the kids screaming because it seems like there is some sort of tether hooked to you and this child? Welcome to Jeff Fischer’s world. Vince Young has been told his entire life that he is the best thing ever. Well, can we be the second one to tell you Vince Young you suck. Oh wait we can’t say that can we…
Final Score the Deadskins 19 the Titans 16. Hey we have a Vince young Jersey going Cheap, and a pair of Shoulder pads too…
Now we will head to Kansas City home of the Chiefs. Okay we are bracing ourselves for the fall the Chiefs are about to be on. But at 6 and 4 the fall will not be too far. But this week against the freaking Cardinals they couldn’t help but win. The Cardinals still have no quarterback unless you count Derek Anderson, and still counting him gets you to Zero. In trying to find something nice about this game we can’t think of a thing so we will say…
Final Score the Cardinals 13 the Chiefs 31. Well the kickers had a good day. We Guess…
Next let’s get to something interesting. Well before that let’s talk about the Panhandlers and the Ravens. Hum what can we say at Brian St Pierre, the new Panhandler quarterback that hasn’t already been said? Well he is French American or Canadian we think. He likes those thin Pancakes we think they are called crepes maybe? He likes French toast and French fries. Oh yea he likes to throw the ball to the other team for touchdowns. We guess that is how it is done in France???
Final Score the Panhandlers 13 the Ravens 37. Quote the Ravens again…
When we talked about the Jacksonville Jaguars we thought they were heading to the bottom, but after a three game winning streak they are atop the AFC South. That is a feat in itself. The Brown-Stains however are still the Brown stains and that means that they are still a few years away. But with Colt “The Real “McCoy under center even Eric Mangenius can’t screw this up. But for now Jags Coach Jack Del Rio is safe.
Final Score the Brown stains 20 the Jags 24. But is the Mangenius safe?
Up next we find 2 teams going in opposite directions. The New York Football J E T S invited the Houston Texans to the Meadowlands for a torrid affair. Houston thought that with Matt Schaub at the controls their offense would be okay. Well if okay is losing your last four games in a row then they are just fine. As much as Gary Kubiak tries he has no other option but Matt Schaub, too bad that option is going to get him fired. The J E T S however are not going to fire their head coach Rex Ryan no matter what he does. J E T S quarterback Mark Sanchez dirtied a few upper lips this week as he lead the winning drive in overtime.
Final Score the Texans 20 the J E T S 26. 4 game winning drives in the fourth quarter or overtime. Shouldn’t you be ahead before then?
Up next we head down to Big D home of the little c, for Cowpies. This week Jason Garrett was going for 2 wins in a row. And since the Lioness’ have not won a game on the road since George Bush was in office it is highly likely that the cowpies would get a win. After Jon Kit-Kat Kitna ran one in from 29 yards out, and tied a Cowpie record of longest touchdown by a quarterback, the Cowpies could finally taste a victory at home. But don’t get so excited Cowpie fans your team as only won 3 games…
Final Score the Lioness 19 the Cowpies 35. Should we move them from Cowpies back to Cowgirls??? Not just yet…
So is Buffalo drinking the ripple or what? After winning their first game of the season last week, this week they come out and look like hammered dog crap against the Bunguls (We guess they were playing down to their competition) after a halftime lead of 31 to 14 the Bunguls went in to halftime with thoughts of winning. But the second half seemed to be there demise. A Fumble, 2 Interceptions, a punt, a missed field goal, and a turn over on downs doesn’t appear to be putting up much of a fight. But then when have the Bunguls put up much of a fight.
Final Score the Bills 49 the Bunguls 31. Unscrew the Ripple again Boys it is a great night in Canada…
And now we will head down to New Orleans. It looks like the aints are learning to play without Reggie Bush. He has a broken leg as we all know. We don’t know when he will be coming back but maybe it will be soon. 2 more interceptions for Brees, which will not bode well for the future. But this week they were playing the SheHawks so we think we all know what happened. The SheHawks went to the stadium and played hard for about a quarter then when out to the French quarter stripped down to a halter top and slipped on some high heels and in their best French accent propositioned some young sailor home on leave.
Final Score the SheHawks 19 the Aints 34. ARRGGG we can’t get that visual out of our heads now…
Well now it is time to talk about Slinging Sammy Bradford. The Lambs are better that last year that is for sure, but a playoff team, let’s hold that talk for a few weeks. Not sure what they are smoking in St Louis but the playoff pipe is not loaded yet. Speaking of loaded the Falldowns were loaded bear on Sunday, well maybe they were loaded for lamb. The Falcons got them some nice Lamb chops, when they swooped into Sweet St Louie.
Final score the Falldowns 34 the Lambs 17. Hey Lambs you have to score more than 7 points in the second half.
When the Colts headed into the game on Sunday Peyton Manning was heard before the game on his cell phone “Dad? Yea this is Peyton, your favorite son. What would you say if I played like Ellie?” On the other end of the phone he hears “Son you can’t. I couldn’t stand it.” To which Peyton replied “Dad, I just can’t do it this weekend. I feel a real Ellie coming on. You know I have not had one of those in a while. Not since like Junior high.” And the Peyton went out and threw 4 touchdowns and 3 interceptions. He looked more like his sister than he has in a while.
Final Score the Colts 28 the Pats 31. Even with 3 turnovers the Pats could only win by 3 points. Interesting???
And Finally the night game on Sunday night We don’t have a lot to say about this game except that Michael the Dog Killa Vick played and for that reason we didn’t support him, the sponsor’s or NBC or Stupid Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth. Do they grate on anyone else’s last nerve like ours? After the Ellie was heard talking on the phone “Yea Mom it was a rough day out there today. I had 3 interceptions and only 2 touchdowns. Dad said what?” then he listened very carefully to the voice on the other end. “Well dear your father talked to your brother and he said that he was playing like you this week. Your brother threw 3 interceptions in his game today like you did. But he did throw 4 touchdowns are you going to do that again? Look we are getting old and we need more Super bowl games than just the three you guys have given us. We need a little more than that okay? Do you understand me mister?” As the Tears began to run down his face Ellie said “Yes Ma’am I will try harder”
Final score the G-Aints 17 the Beagles 27. Man Moms can be harsh right?
On Monday we find an old school AFL West Matchup as the San Diego Chargers invited the Denver Broncos to town. In a classy fashion the Chargers allowed the Bronco’s to score first and last, but nothing in the middle. That kind of reminds of a Jam sandwich we had a kid. You know what we are talking about right??? When you took two pieces of Bread and jammed them together to make a sandwich right? They were great, Ah the memories from childhood. Nothing beats that right? And nothing beats the Chargers this week as they win their third straight for a 5 and 5 record. Watch for them in the playoffs...
Final score the Bronco’s 14 the Chargers 35… 10 games and TIM TEBOW has 31 yards total. Wow what production from a first round pick??
Well that is it for this week. We hope everyone is getting ready for Thanksgiving. We know we are. Lots of food to eat and lots of things to be thankful for, too many to mention hear… Tune in Next week...
And remember like we always say….
Well, I quit my job down at the car wash,
Left my mama a goodbye note,
By sundown I'd left Kingston,
With my guitar under my coat,
I hitchhiked all the way down to Memphis,
Got a room at the YMCA,
For the next three weeks I went huntin' them nights,
Just lookin' for a place to play,
Well, I thought my pickin' would set 'em on fire,
But nobody wanted to hire a guitar man.
Well, I nearly 'bout starved to death down in Memphis,
I run outta money and luck,
So I bought me a ride down to Macon, Georgia,
On a overloaded poultry truck,
I thumbed on down to Panama City,
Started pickin' out some o' them all night bars,
Hopin' I could make myself a dollar,
Makin' music on my guitar,
I got the same old story at them all night piers,
There ain't no room around here for a guitar man
We don't need a guitar man, son
So I slept in the hobo jungles,
Roamed a thousand miles of track,
Till I found myself in Mobile Alabama,
At a club they call Big Jack's,
A little four-piece band was jammin',
So I took my guitar and I sat in,
I showed 'em what a band would sound like,
With a swingin' little guitar man.
Show 'em, son
If you ever take a trip down to the ocean,
Find yourself down around Mobile,
Make it on out to a club called Jack's,
If you got a little time to kill,
Just follow that crowd of people,
You'll wind up out on his dance floor,
Diggin' the finest little five-piece group,
Up and down the Gulf of Mexico,
Guess who's leadin' that five-piece band,
Well, wouldn't ya know, it's that swingin' little guitar man.
Well who would have believed that it only took 11 weeks to get to week 11? Oh wait, we guess that it should take about 11 weeks to get to week 11 huh? Anyway let’s start by talking about who didn’t play this week. Oh wait everyone was on the schedule this week, but did everyone play? Let’s get started, Expo Kick it!!!
First up we will start on Thursday. Okay NFL we get it you want to promote your product to the world 2 million people at a time. But if you continue to put games on television on Thursday when no one is expecting it, then no one is going to watch. Hell Miami didn’t even leave Florida for this game. It was like they didn’t even get on the plane to Chicago. They don’t have a quarterback to speak of as Tyler “The pig” Thigpen is now the starter. He went 17 for 29 for 187 yards and an interception. We probably would have been bored if we would have watched the game but we didn’t remember that it was on.
Final Score Da Bears something the Dolphins nothing.
Up next we head to Sunday and the bottom again, and how could we have been so wrong? The San Francisco 49ers are done stick a fork in them. Come on everyone grab a fork and start poking all that needs to happen now is Head Coach Mike Singletary get fired. His words have been falling on deaf ears for several weeks now. We thought that the men playing there would have at last tried but after this week we can tell that all the coaching, reasoning, screaming, and trying to build them up as men should be just about over now. The only thing left is the insertion of a new coach. We don’t know if they will be a stiff and hard as Coach Mike. But hey everyone wants to be like Mike right?
Final score the Buc’s 21 the 49ers nothing. Oh and yes all the innuendo’s above are our little way of saying. “Hey San Francisco you are this week’s Birth Canal team of the week…
Staying near the bottom we find the Raiders visiting the Pittsburg Steelers. The return of one of the most fierce battles of the 70’s which actually turned into a big fizzle. Watching this game was like watching reruns of Bonanza on TV Land. We mean everyone remembers the show but do you remember the plot theme? Okay Ben (Lorene Green) and Adam (Pernell Roberts) would be gone selling horses or cows or Ling Su the cook, and Hoss and Little Joe would do something stupid like step on some gunslingers foot. Then there would be some sort of fight, and Ben and Adam would show up and save the day Yahoo!!! So in the game Imagine that the Steelers are Ben and Adam and they are running around scoring like cattlemen at the cattle Barons Ball, and the Raiders are the gunslingers going to town for a bath and night with a gal in Saloon. When someone stepped on Richard Seymour s foot. So he punched the closest guy. It just happened to be Big Ben Roethlisberger. We are so glad that everyone has the upmost respect for Seymour as he took a swing at Ben and knocked him to the floor.
Final Score the Raiders 3 the Steelers 35 We think that big Ben said something about Seymour’s sister but we can neither confirm nor deny that.
Next we will stay near the bottom and find the Green Bay Packers visiting the Viqueens of Minnesota. 2 weeks ago fresh off getting Wade Phillips fired from his cushy Dallas Cowpies head coaching job the Packers had a team meeting. Some asked what we they had to do to get another Coach fired? Well a few of the players texted Brett Favre and asked what can we do to help you get rid of “Chilly”. Brett responded “Well Fellows I have this one sewn up like a guy with a colostomy bag” then he texted the guys a picture of his scrotum and took another vicadin. In a game where the unretireable Brett Favre went 17 to 38 for 208 yards and another interception it was Brett holding the nail while someone else used a hammer to nail the coffin shut. Brett said it best himself.
Final Score the Packers 31 the Viqueens 3. “I think we all, starting with me, could have done more to make this a successful season” We think you think it is a successful season now that Brad Childress is gone.
And now we will remind you of that time when you were in a grocery store and some woman is trying to make a point to the screaming child in her cart that the child can’t have what they want. The child just keeps screaming and screaming and it is so annoying. You know what we mean? And no matter where you go in the store you can hear the kids screaming because it seems like there is some sort of tether hooked to you and this child? Welcome to Jeff Fischer’s world. Vince Young has been told his entire life that he is the best thing ever. Well, can we be the second one to tell you Vince Young you suck. Oh wait we can’t say that can we…
Final Score the Deadskins 19 the Titans 16. Hey we have a Vince young Jersey going Cheap, and a pair of Shoulder pads too…
Now we will head to Kansas City home of the Chiefs. Okay we are bracing ourselves for the fall the Chiefs are about to be on. But at 6 and 4 the fall will not be too far. But this week against the freaking Cardinals they couldn’t help but win. The Cardinals still have no quarterback unless you count Derek Anderson, and still counting him gets you to Zero. In trying to find something nice about this game we can’t think of a thing so we will say…
Final Score the Cardinals 13 the Chiefs 31. Well the kickers had a good day. We Guess…
Next let’s get to something interesting. Well before that let’s talk about the Panhandlers and the Ravens. Hum what can we say at Brian St Pierre, the new Panhandler quarterback that hasn’t already been said? Well he is French American or Canadian we think. He likes those thin Pancakes we think they are called crepes maybe? He likes French toast and French fries. Oh yea he likes to throw the ball to the other team for touchdowns. We guess that is how it is done in France???
Final Score the Panhandlers 13 the Ravens 37. Quote the Ravens again…
When we talked about the Jacksonville Jaguars we thought they were heading to the bottom, but after a three game winning streak they are atop the AFC South. That is a feat in itself. The Brown-Stains however are still the Brown stains and that means that they are still a few years away. But with Colt “The Real “McCoy under center even Eric Mangenius can’t screw this up. But for now Jags Coach Jack Del Rio is safe.
Final Score the Brown stains 20 the Jags 24. But is the Mangenius safe?
Up next we find 2 teams going in opposite directions. The New York Football J E T S invited the Houston Texans to the Meadowlands for a torrid affair. Houston thought that with Matt Schaub at the controls their offense would be okay. Well if okay is losing your last four games in a row then they are just fine. As much as Gary Kubiak tries he has no other option but Matt Schaub, too bad that option is going to get him fired. The J E T S however are not going to fire their head coach Rex Ryan no matter what he does. J E T S quarterback Mark Sanchez dirtied a few upper lips this week as he lead the winning drive in overtime.
Final Score the Texans 20 the J E T S 26. 4 game winning drives in the fourth quarter or overtime. Shouldn’t you be ahead before then?
Up next we head down to Big D home of the little c, for Cowpies. This week Jason Garrett was going for 2 wins in a row. And since the Lioness’ have not won a game on the road since George Bush was in office it is highly likely that the cowpies would get a win. After Jon Kit-Kat Kitna ran one in from 29 yards out, and tied a Cowpie record of longest touchdown by a quarterback, the Cowpies could finally taste a victory at home. But don’t get so excited Cowpie fans your team as only won 3 games…
Final Score the Lioness 19 the Cowpies 35. Should we move them from Cowpies back to Cowgirls??? Not just yet…
So is Buffalo drinking the ripple or what? After winning their first game of the season last week, this week they come out and look like hammered dog crap against the Bunguls (We guess they were playing down to their competition) after a halftime lead of 31 to 14 the Bunguls went in to halftime with thoughts of winning. But the second half seemed to be there demise. A Fumble, 2 Interceptions, a punt, a missed field goal, and a turn over on downs doesn’t appear to be putting up much of a fight. But then when have the Bunguls put up much of a fight.
Final Score the Bills 49 the Bunguls 31. Unscrew the Ripple again Boys it is a great night in Canada…
And now we will head down to New Orleans. It looks like the aints are learning to play without Reggie Bush. He has a broken leg as we all know. We don’t know when he will be coming back but maybe it will be soon. 2 more interceptions for Brees, which will not bode well for the future. But this week they were playing the SheHawks so we think we all know what happened. The SheHawks went to the stadium and played hard for about a quarter then when out to the French quarter stripped down to a halter top and slipped on some high heels and in their best French accent propositioned some young sailor home on leave.
Final Score the SheHawks 19 the Aints 34. ARRGGG we can’t get that visual out of our heads now…
Well now it is time to talk about Slinging Sammy Bradford. The Lambs are better that last year that is for sure, but a playoff team, let’s hold that talk for a few weeks. Not sure what they are smoking in St Louis but the playoff pipe is not loaded yet. Speaking of loaded the Falldowns were loaded bear on Sunday, well maybe they were loaded for lamb. The Falcons got them some nice Lamb chops, when they swooped into Sweet St Louie.
Final score the Falldowns 34 the Lambs 17. Hey Lambs you have to score more than 7 points in the second half.
When the Colts headed into the game on Sunday Peyton Manning was heard before the game on his cell phone “Dad? Yea this is Peyton, your favorite son. What would you say if I played like Ellie?” On the other end of the phone he hears “Son you can’t. I couldn’t stand it.” To which Peyton replied “Dad, I just can’t do it this weekend. I feel a real Ellie coming on. You know I have not had one of those in a while. Not since like Junior high.” And the Peyton went out and threw 4 touchdowns and 3 interceptions. He looked more like his sister than he has in a while.
Final Score the Colts 28 the Pats 31. Even with 3 turnovers the Pats could only win by 3 points. Interesting???
And Finally the night game on Sunday night We don’t have a lot to say about this game except that Michael the Dog Killa Vick played and for that reason we didn’t support him, the sponsor’s or NBC or Stupid Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth. Do they grate on anyone else’s last nerve like ours? After the Ellie was heard talking on the phone “Yea Mom it was a rough day out there today. I had 3 interceptions and only 2 touchdowns. Dad said what?” then he listened very carefully to the voice on the other end. “Well dear your father talked to your brother and he said that he was playing like you this week. Your brother threw 3 interceptions in his game today like you did. But he did throw 4 touchdowns are you going to do that again? Look we are getting old and we need more Super bowl games than just the three you guys have given us. We need a little more than that okay? Do you understand me mister?” As the Tears began to run down his face Ellie said “Yes Ma’am I will try harder”
Final score the G-Aints 17 the Beagles 27. Man Moms can be harsh right?
On Monday we find an old school AFL West Matchup as the San Diego Chargers invited the Denver Broncos to town. In a classy fashion the Chargers allowed the Bronco’s to score first and last, but nothing in the middle. That kind of reminds of a Jam sandwich we had a kid. You know what we are talking about right??? When you took two pieces of Bread and jammed them together to make a sandwich right? They were great, Ah the memories from childhood. Nothing beats that right? And nothing beats the Chargers this week as they win their third straight for a 5 and 5 record. Watch for them in the playoffs...
Final score the Bronco’s 14 the Chargers 35… 10 games and TIM TEBOW has 31 yards total. Wow what production from a first round pick??
Well that is it for this week. We hope everyone is getting ready for Thanksgiving. We know we are. Lots of food to eat and lots of things to be thankful for, too many to mention hear… Tune in Next week...
And remember like we always say….
Well, I quit my job down at the car wash,
Left my mama a goodbye note,
By sundown I'd left Kingston,
With my guitar under my coat,
I hitchhiked all the way down to Memphis,
Got a room at the YMCA,
For the next three weeks I went huntin' them nights,
Just lookin' for a place to play,
Well, I thought my pickin' would set 'em on fire,
But nobody wanted to hire a guitar man.
Well, I nearly 'bout starved to death down in Memphis,
I run outta money and luck,
So I bought me a ride down to Macon, Georgia,
On a overloaded poultry truck,
I thumbed on down to Panama City,
Started pickin' out some o' them all night bars,
Hopin' I could make myself a dollar,
Makin' music on my guitar,
I got the same old story at them all night piers,
There ain't no room around here for a guitar man
We don't need a guitar man, son
So I slept in the hobo jungles,
Roamed a thousand miles of track,
Till I found myself in Mobile Alabama,
At a club they call Big Jack's,
A little four-piece band was jammin',
So I took my guitar and I sat in,
I showed 'em what a band would sound like,
With a swingin' little guitar man.
Show 'em, son
If you ever take a trip down to the ocean,
Find yourself down around Mobile,
Make it on out to a club called Jack's,
If you got a little time to kill,
Just follow that crowd of people,
You'll wind up out on his dance floor,
Diggin' the finest little five-piece group,
Up and down the Gulf of Mexico,
Guess who's leadin' that five-piece band,
Well, wouldn't ya know, it's that swingin' little guitar man.
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