Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 10 2010
Hello everyone it is time again for your weekly look at the NFL through my crooked eye. First we should talk about the teams that didn’t play; First up the Oakland Raiders are basking in the glow that is a 3 game winning streak, with or without a conscience Al Davis, 3 is more still more than 2 any day of the week and twice on Sunday. The Chargers are trying to find some class in San Diego, and New Orleans is trying to find a few more people to wear Drew Brees Jersey’s for that stupid commercial. And finally the Green Bay Packers are trying to clean up Mr. Rogers’ neighborhood. So if we are ready and Expo is ready, then let’s get it going today. Kick it Expo!!!
First up in their infinite wisdom the NFL scheduled a game on Thursday. What the hell? Did anyone see the game? We heard that it was on the NFL network with coverage going to about a million homes in America. Wow what a way to market your product. Well the best thing we can say about this game is that we had no idea that it was on. If we had known about it we would have watched even it was a game that the Falldowns were playing.
Final Score the Ravens 21 the Falldowns 26. Oh wait the Falldowns were playing. Crap...
Up next we will travel to the windy city and start at the bottom. Well maybe we shouldn’t say that bottom, because you never know when Brett Favre is going to bare his old gray butt. Favre had the kind of days people dream about. He was 18 for 31 for 170 yards and three interceptions. We know we have been dreaming about a game like this for Favre for a while. The only thing that could make this game any better is if the great Brett Favre had thrown an interception on his last pass. Head Coach Brad “Chilly Chill” Childress is the next one due in front of the firing squad and personally we don’t think it could happen to a nicer fella. This Jack ass hitched his wagon to an old gray mule and you all know what we are talking about. This Old gray mule, she aint what she used to be.
Final Score the Viqueens 13 Da bears 27. Oh wait as we look over the game log Brett’s last pass was intercepted, what a great day after all.
Next we will stay near the bottom. And we will find the Carolina Panhandlers. Coach John Fox was seen before game on the street corner looking for a quarterback. His best Quarterback is now out poor Matt Moore got injured, and now he is left with Jimmy “the pickle” Clausen. Tampa Bay Buc’s defensive Tackle Gerald McCoy was heard on the sidelines talking to fellow defensive player Barrett Ruud when he said “Hey dad when you gonna eat that pickle?” Ruud replied right now and sacked Clausen again. The only coach to jump in front of Chilly Chill maybe John Fox, he doesn’t even need a cigarette to smoke before he gets fired.
Final Score the Panhandlers 16 the Buc’s 31. Another nice win for Tampa Bay what is going on down there?
Up next we will talk about the Bunguls and the Colts. Carson Palmer has so many targets we think he gets confused. Every week he seems to have several passes to the other team; (we call them interceptions where we are from). After the game Peyton was heard on the phone “Hey Mom, is dad at home? I just wanted to check in with him. Well, yea. I know that Eli is about to start I just wanted to make sure that dad knew it.” From the other end of the phone Peyton heard. “Well that was quite a game you had there son. Who do you think you are? Jason Campbell? With no touchdowns it was almost like you weren’t even on the field.” TO which Peyton replied “I know dad but I didn’t throw any passes to the other team. Can Nick Lachey do that?”
Final Score the Bunguls 17 the Colts 23. No Nick Lachey Can’t do that either.
As a public Service announcement we have to issue this warning message before we start this game most games in over time are okay, you feel the desperation in each team and as each play unfolds the players and coaches begin to feel the chocking as the noose gets tighter and tighter around their throats. They don’t want to be the one who makes a mistake and allows the other team to win. But this game took too long to play 75 minutes of the Brown Stains on the field is about 70 minutes too long. And you knew that they were going to screw something up right? As sure as we were that Shannon Sharpe was going to say something stupid we knew that the Brown Stains were going to screw it up. Brown Stains Head Coach summed it up this way, “We can play with anybody and fight with anybody,”
Final Score the J E T S 26 the Brown Stains 20 Sure you can play with anyone, but can you play? That is the question.
Now we have to talk about Randy Moss’ Day, his first day with the Titans and their revolving quarterback situation. Kerry Collins is okay he completed 9 passes in 20 attempts for 51 yards, oh wait maybe that wasn’t that good. Vince young completed 9 passes in 18 attempts for 91 yards. Still not very good. But Randy Moss had to make an impact; because that is what he does he makes an impact. Let’s look at his day; 1 catch for 26 yards. Hum we have seen better impact watching 3 year olds stomp on bugs. What the Hell? 1 catch for 26 yards?
Final Score the Titans 17 the Dolphins 29. Well we guess that is why he is on his 3rd team this season.
Up next we find that it was not Matt Schaub that screwed up it was Glover Quin. WE have only one thing to say to say to him. KNOCK IT DOWN. DON’T KNOCK IT TO THE OTHER TEAM. After the game we heard Glover say to a reporter “And that is why Teal makes me sad I think” The reporter was heard saying “Well maybe we should roll on over to the mambie Pambie practice field and teach you how to KNOCK IT DOWN you Jack Wagon.
Final Score the Texans 24 the Jags 31. Houston has lost 3 in a row, and they are now 4 and 5. After Beating the Colts on opening day they are 3 and 5. Hey it is just math people…
Someone pop the Ripple, pop the ripple? Maybe unscrew the ripple? The Bills win a game. The Bills win a game. So Coach Chan Gailey is trying to do the same thing he did last week to continue the winning streak. And we have a copy of his list of things he did: 1 carry a rabbit’s foot in his pocket 2. Nail a horse shoe to the wall. 3 find a four leave clover. 4 Rub the top of Ron Howards head. 5 try to find the Lions on this year’s schedule again. Well that throws the NFL’s draft into quandary as now the Bills and Carolina are both tied with one win.
Final Score the Lion’s 12 the Bills 14. Well the Lions and the Cowpies both have 2 wins so they are close to the #1 draft pick.
And now…. Here is the TIM TEBOW show. Apparently 21 to nothing is enough points to get TIM TEBOW into the game this week. And 5 yards is all he could muster. Wow we see why he was put into the game, with 5 yards or production this week he now has 31 for the season. Such production we can’t even comment. We did hear this week that TIM TEBOW is the reason why everyone asks “Where’s Waldo?” Trouble with this game is that Kansas City did nothing wrong it was just that TIM TEBOW did everything right…
Final Score the Chiefs 29 the Bronco’s 49. Anyone can lead a horse to water. TIM TEBOW can make the horse drink.
Up next we are going to have to go classic on you. What is rule number one in football? Teams can’t travel across country and win. Slingin Sammy Bradford learned that lesson again this week. The Lambs can’t even win out of the friendly confines of their own Stadium. This week in San Francisco the Lambs pulled their skirt up again. You know there really needs to be a Best before date tattooed on their inner thigh. But there isn’t one now so we will just say that good teams win on the road, so we guess that the Lambs aren’t a good team yet.
Final Score the Lambs 20 the 49ers 23. But at least this time it went to overtime.
Okay the second rule in football is that a team can’t travel across country and win, unless they are playing the Cardinals. The SheHawks came to Ari-Freaking-Zona and played the Cardinals. That Is not fair as the Cardinals don’t have a quarterback but hell they spent a #1 draft pick on Matt Leinart a couple of years ago only to realize that he couldn’t play. So we guess that Derek Anderson is the best answer. Hum “We will take Quarterbacks that sucked in more than one NFL City? Alex? I played in Cleveland before I got to Arizona. BEEP BEEP “Who is Derek Anderson, the master of Disaster? You are correct.
Final Score the SheHawks 36 to Cardinals 18. Did we just go on Jeopardy on your Ass?
We are going to move to the Sunday night game, because we can. Tom Terrific told everyone before the game started “You got be watching Danny Woodhead, he will be the key to the game.” With that said Danny went out and had the game of his life. Not since he was a little guy on the peewee football field, oh wait, he is little guy on pro football field, but he made an impact. 4 rushes for 11 yards and 2 catches for 22 yards… 33 yards in a game, can someone tell TIM TEBOW. Seriously this game falls to Big Ben Roethlisberger to win and with 5 sacks and 1 interception it seemed like Big Ben’s mind was somewhere else. Perhaps on the Local High School Choir ensemble performance he might miss?
Final Score the Pats 39 the Steelers 26. Big Ben is like School on Saturday…. No Class…
And finally the game everyone has been waiting for. The First Game of Interim coach Jason Garrett. It looks like it was the way Wade Phillips was putting the ill fitting parts together, because Jason sat down and figured out how to make it work. But really this is nothing new when the cowpies and the G-Aints get together for a game. Once a year one team is going to blow out the other one. And yes we said “Blow out.” After the game Ellie Manning was heard talking on his cell phone “Oh Hi dad. You saw the game huh? Damn it I have won 6 games in a row and now you want to watch a game. Well I threw 2 touchdowns. But yes I threw 2 interceptions as well. Yes one was returned for a touchdown. How many yards was it? I don’t remember. Oh you remember do you? How many was it??? 101 yards huh? Yep I think that is right. Look Dad we had a lot of stuff going on during the game, you know the power went out here and the game was delayed for 10 minutes. Oh that was you? You were trying to give me a chance to get off the field? Well that didn’t work did it?”
Final Score the Cowpies 33 the G-Aints 20. We still are going to call them Cowpies for a while.
And finally the last game of the week was the Michael Vick redemption game. For all the time he spent in a prison, for all his personal tragedy, for how he has changed and turned his life around, this game was for you Michael. You just go out and show everyone how great you are. You are the only quarterback in the history of the NFL to throw for 300 yards, 4 touchdowns and rush for 50 yards and 2 touchdowns in one game. We guess you are the only NFL quarterback to sit out and entire season in Prison then return to the game (as your only source of income) that you essentially hiked your leg, and peed on. (PUN VERY MUCH INTENDED) so here is to you Mr. Vick. You are the Quarterback, you are the Man, and you are the convict that turned your life around so much that we are all supposed to feel good about. No one else has comeback from prison to star in the NFL like you do. One question? Why does Mr. Vick get to return to the NFL after killing his Dogs? Does the guy who murdered his wife get to come back to his job at the insurance office after his sentence is up? Does the investment banker that steals people’s money in a pyramid scheme get to work in the banking industry again? We are not against Mr. Vick having a job. But he doesn’t have to be in the NFL does he? There are 100’s of men that haven’t killed anyone or anything that don’t play in the NFL so why do we have to praise him. It kind of reminds us of a story if you do something once you are labeled that for the rest of your life. You get caught making sweet love to a goat and you are label a goat lover the rest of your life. Just once I would like to hear some commentator label him as the man who killed his own dogs because they weren’t aggressive enough for his liking. Okay with that said I am done with Mr. Vick the dog Killer. What he will forever be known as to me. So we have another question, when the Beagles went to the Superbowl in 2005 for the 2004 season didn’t Donavan McNabb get accused of being out of shape and too tired to perform in the last couple of minutes of the game. Didn’t just 2 weeks ago Donnie Mc get pulled from the game for stamina reasons and was replaced with Rex Grossman? Rex Grossman for God’s sake, are you kidding us? And so this is the guy that Mike Shanahan gives 78 million dollars to? Well this week much to everyone’s chagrin the Deadskins are the Birth canal team of the week. If for no other reason that giving up 59 points in a game, 28 in the first quarter, 45 in the first half. And for giving money away like they were the Federal government we just didn’t realize that Donavan McNabb needed a bail out. He did throw 3 interceptions in the game.
Final Score the Beagles 59 the Deadskins 28. We guess we know the pain of a velvet glove like a lizard on window pain.
Well there you have. Another week in the books. And as we put the final touches on this week, we want to thank everyone for the latitude we are afforded to speak our mind. As small as our mind is…
And remember like we always say….
Every time that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way Everybody's got their dues in life to pay
Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win
Half my life
Is in books' written pages
Lived and learned from fools and From sages
You know it's true
All the things come back to you
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away, yeah
Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away
Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream until the dream come true
Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream until your dream comes true
Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream On Dream On
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away...
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 9 2010
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 9 2010
Well here we are once again, another week in the books and what do we have to show for it, shambles, utter shambles, in an entire city, an entire region nearly a whole country. But before we get too far lets first talk about who wasn’t scheduled to play. First up there will be no TIM TEBOW jokes as he has the week off, and The Titans are trying to get to know their new wide receiver. Although The Lambs and the 49ers are in the same division they are both at home this week just not the same home. The Deadskins are doing conditioning drills for D McNabb this week, and Jacksonville is basking in the Glory of playing the Cowgirls before their bye, they are resting before next week’s games. So let s take a little inventory. We have a new week to talk about; we talked about the teams that weren’t playing. So we guess we are ready, Expo? Do your thing, please…
First up we will head to what might be the biggest failure in the history of football. Sometimes life gives you lemons. Sometimes life gives you a little vomit in your mouth that gives you some heartburn. Sometimes, as bad as it sounds, a Pigeon will crap on your freshly washed car. Then there is the owner of the Dallas Cowgirls to be known until further notice as your little cowpies. Watching this season for Jerry Jones had to be like being the dummy in a woman’s self defense class when they were working on the ole kick in the crotch move. We guess this will answer the age old question of how many times does a man have to be kicked in the balls before they turn blue, or just pop? And apparently it is giving up 45 points in one game on national TV. There is nothing like being pants for the whole world to see. We might feel sorry for Jerry except he is one of the few to blame. He is the General Manager who put more ill fitting parts together than anyone had since Matt Millan of Detroit. Watching this team and trying to put into perspective what they have this season is like trying to have a hair lip guy described a painting by Pablo Picasso to a blind guy. We wanted to award this game something far more than just the Birth canal team of the week. So the loser of this game will forever be known as the bloody Birth canal Team of the week. And the only thing Jerry could do was to fire Wade Phillips. Talk about kicking a dead horse? They both accomplished the same thing.
Final Score the Cowpies 7 the Packers 45. Jerry Jones might has well have gotten off the team charter and went to the cemetery and urinated on the Grave of Tom Landry. Don’t think that there are not people in Dallas ready to pee on Jerry Jones after that performance. And he doesn’t have to be dead or on fire.
Okay up next let’s stay at the bottom and find ourselves in Carolina for the Panther game. Interestingly enough this game started very differently as the Panthers took control of the game early with an interception and a field goal in the first 4 and half minutes of the game. However just as quick as it started it ended just as fast for the Panthers with a fumble, a missed field goal and punts for the rest of the game. New Orleans Scored 34 unanswered points. After the game there was an announcement over the loud speaker in Panther stadium “Would the lady who brought those 11 kids from the orphanage please get her kids off the field they just scored another touchdown against the Panthers.
Final Score the S-aints 34 the Panhandlers 3. In a normal week this would be the BCTotW. But it will have to settle as the crappy game on Fox.
Next we will have to get on plane to fly to the great Northwest. Is anyone watching what Pete Carroll is doing in Seattle he has quietly put Seattle in position to get at least the eighth pick in the draft. Eight first downs are so great that mere words can’t describe how much the SheHawks sucked on offense. In the locker room someone over heard Ellie on the phone “Hey Mom. No I don’t want to talk to dad he is a selfish Peyton Loving son a biscuit eating witch. No offense to grandma but he is not my favorite person right now. I wanted to talk to you. Did you see me? I played real good and we won again.” Then his expression turned sad as he heard over the phone. “Hum no dear I didn’t. You know, your team started at 4 pm eastern and that was the same time as hum well your brother’s team. And your dad said he would rather watch that game to see if he could see Justin Timberlake in the stands.” “Mom” Eli asked “Does he know he has three sons?” “Oh of course he does dear. He just thinks that Justin Timberlake sprang from my loins like you and Peyton did. I have told him and told him that he was good when he was young but not good enough to produce a Justin Timberlake, maybe a Nick Lachey, or a six foot three quarterback with a laser arm, but that is it.”
Final Score the NYFG 41 the SheHawks 7. 7 points? Who the hell do the SheHawks think they are? The Cowpies?
Okay let’s talk about the great Spit-gate of 2010. So LeRon McLain supposedly spit in Channing Crowder’s face. Okay well in the heat of the game we think that LeRon might have had a speaking problem. And maybe he had a lot of spit in his mouth you know those mouth pieces can create a lot of spit and when some people speak the spit seems to flow a little more that when others speak. All in all the Ravens spitting on the Dolphins was a small offense compared to what they did to them on the field. We mean the Ravens could have, well we guess they kind of did wipe not only the floor but their little Ravens behinds as well. Not much else to say except this was the crappy game on CBS.
Final Score the Dolphins 10 the Ravens 26. Maybe the president will have those two come to White House and have a beer to settle the matter? And who names their kid Channing? His mom should be arrested for Cruelty to animals we think…
Speaking of Cruelty to animals let’s talk about Michael Vick Aka “Dog Killa”. We are sure that Mike is sorry for chocking his dogs several years ago. It still doesn’t make it right nor does it make it right to allow him to make millions of dollars playing a game. We think that on his days off like every Tuesday he needs to go to a non killing animal shelter and walk some dogs and pick up their droppings with his bare hands. That might help ease America’s suffering. After the game while Peyton Manning was in the locker room he was overheard talking on his cell phone “No Dad Justin Timberlake was not in the stands. I told you he wasn’t going to be here. How did Eli do? No dad his game was at the same time. Didn’t you and Mom use that new feature on your Sony TV? Yes the picture in Picture feature? I did set it up when I came over there last time. What? Mom said what? Nick Lachey just sprang from her loins? What?”
Final score the Colts 24 the Beagles 26. As Vick was taking off his shoes after the game he noticed someone had had written on the bottom of his shoe. What does that say he thought? ANDY? What the hell?
Just when everyone thinks they have this year figured out, you know who is going to beat who. Who is going to cover the spread, and who is not. Did anyone see this one coming? The New England Patriots came to Cleveland and got slapped around like they were Tina Turner. Who would have thought Peyton Hillis would channel Jim Brown. He carried the ball 29 times for 184 yards, very nice. That is just crazy. Tom Terrific appeared to be channeling someone as well, but the memories of Brady Quinn games were too fresh in the minds of Brown stain fans not to recognize. Last Week coach Bill Bella-cheat said that he couldn’t comment on what other teams did with their roster, when Rand Moss was released. He then said “Hell I can’t even coach my own team.” Too bad that was a reality this week.
Final Score the Pats14 the Brown Stains 34. 34 points in one game? We did not think Head Coach Eric Mangenius could count that high…
And now for something completely the same. All you need to know about this game is that the Bills were playing in their future home of Toronto, because everything else was the same. The Bills keep it close only to spit the bit in the fourth quarter. With Buffalo leading 19 to 14 with 10 minutes to go they had 3 more drives, one that ended an interception, one that ended with a turnover on downs and one that ended with an interception. At least they didn’t have to punt the ball away. In the midst of that stellar fourth quarter performance Da Bears and Jay Cutler were able to drive for the winning score such as it was.
Final Score Da Bears 22 the Bills 19. Thanks god this game was played in Canada; they don’t know what good football is. For for all my Canadian friends… This was not good football…
Up next we head to the best team in Texas. The Houston Texans are now what Texas pro football fans have to hang their hat on. Great… Matt Schaub is now the starting quarterback for the best professional team in Texas. Hey Texas just fell behind Montana, Idaho, and South Dakota as the states with the worst professional football. The Chargers of all teams came to Houston and bit of a piece of the Texans like Mike Tyson took a piece of Evander Holyfield’s ear back in the day.
Final Score the Chargers 29 the Texans 23. Oh Wait we just checked the list again, and Maine is ahead of Texas as well.
Okay okay okay on the one hand you have Brett Favre, Brett Favre, Brett Favre. Then on the other hand you have Derek Anderson, Derek Anderson, Derek Anderson. And you want us to tell you how this turned out? The Damn thing went to over time before Brett freaking Favre decided to play. Well in all fairness to Brett Favre he decided to play with about 5 minutes left in the game. Maybe that was when the Alcohol and vicadin haze, Brett lives in, cleared enough for him to make a couple of passes to win the game in over time. But Hell he beat the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals.
Final Score the Cardinals 24 the Viqueens 27. Who will Brett text his penis to this week? Expo is that your phone ringing?
In a game that became a game for first place in the NFC South the Falldowns and Tampa bay decided to settle the old school way, on the field. Both teams fought really hard and he had a well played game for the most part. Matt Ryan played well completing 24 of 36 passes for 235 yards. He threw a touchdown pass to Michael Palmer. Michael Palmer? Who the hell is that? Didn’t he throw a touchdown to Roddy White? No? Okay well Michael Palmer then and Michael Turner rushed for over hundred yards which is good oh and he had 2 touchdowns. As time ran out Tamp Head Coach Raheem Morris went running out on the field yelling “This was our game to win. Where are my Buccaneer’s? Where are Buccaneers?” Matt Ryan wondered up to the coach and reminded him “Hey your Buccaneer’s are under your Buccan Hat you jack Wagon!”
Final Score the Buc’s 21 the Falldowns 27. As exciting as this game was, we happened to be watching paint dry… or so it seemed.
In another game that was like watching grass grow the Kansas City Chiefs went west young man and found themselves in Oakland of all places. SSSHHH be very quiet we don’t want to wake Al Davis. Since he has been asleep the Raider became significant again. Jason Campbell is playing decent has he completed 19 passes in 33 attempts for 229 and only threw one interception. Not bad. But the upmost important Key to winning the game for the Raiders was how they were able to contain the Chief star Tim Castille. The Raider held this Chief star to 1 carry for no yards. And the Polish Punisher Sebastian Janikowski kicked a game tying field goal with 3 seconds left in the game then kicked the game winner in over time.
Final Score the Raiders 23 the Chiefs 20. Okay now everyone run to Google to find out who Tim Castille is.
Detroit did everything they were supposed to do except win. This is getting to be terrible for the Lions as they can’t seem to get out of their own way to win a game. This week Matt Stafford got hurt again, and their kicker got hurt as well. We kind of like Jim Schwartz but his in game adjustment has to be called in to question when looking for a back up kick. Didn’t he have a plan if the kicker got hurt during the game? Didn’t he put more that 2 seconds of thought in to before just picking the heaviest guy on his team? We know that the boy named Sue is good but backup kicker good we don’t think so. And once he missed the extra point that would have won the game Mark Sanchez took over and gave a dirty Sanchez to the following people: Detroit Head Coach Jim Schwartz, Matt Stafford, and the boy named Sue.
Final Score the J E T S 23 the Lions 20. Hey Expo how do you spell Sue’s first name? Never mind we will just call him Sue.
Finally on Monday night we had the AFC North Battle. The Bunguls and Steelers took to the field with the teams going in different directions. One going up and one going down. Terrell Owens may not be a cancer in the locker room but his team is really sucking on the field, but it is not his fault. He had 10 catches for 141 yards and two touchdowns. Robin (Ochocinco) had 1 catch for 15 yards and no touchdowns. And while Owens was celebrating on the field his touchdowns Chad was whining on the sidelines to Carson Palmer “Hey man why don’t you throw mw the ball anymore? I feel like you are trying to cheat on me with T O. Is that true?” to which Carson replied “No man I am not. I am just trying to make him feel welcome.” Carson then picked up his helmet and walked down the sidelines to congratulate T O on his touchdown catch.
Final Score the Steelers 27 the Bunguls 21. Do we smell a wide receiver controversy brewing in Cincinnati???
Well there we go again another week in the books. We sure do hope that you are enjoying this as much as we are putting it together. It is a labor of love. Don’t forget to check out the song at the end.
And remember like we always say….
I walked through a county courthouse square
On a park bench an old man was sitting there
I said, "Your old courthouse is kinda run down"
He said, "No, it'll do for our little town"
I said, "Your old flagpole has leaned a little bit
And that's a Ragged Old Flag you got hanging on it"
He said, "Have a seat," and I sat down
"Is this the first time you've been to our little town?"
I said, "I think it is" He said, "I don't like to brag
But we're kinda proud of that Ragged Old Flag
You see, we got a little hole in that flag there when
Washington took it across the Delaware
And it got powder-burned the night Francis Scott Key
Sat watching it, writing 'Say Can You See'
And it got a bad rip in New Orleans
With Packingham and Jackson tuggin' at its seams
And it almost fell at the Alamo
Beside the Texas flag, but she waved on though
She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville
And she got cut again at Shiloh Hill
There was Robert E. Lee, Beauregard, and Bragg
And the south wind blew hard on that Ragged Old Flag
On Flanders Field in World War I
She got a big hole from a Bertha gunS
he turned blood red in World War II
She hung limp and low by the time it was through
She was in Korea and Vietnam
She went where she was sent by her Uncle Sam
She waved from our ships upon the briny foam
And now they've about quit waving her back here at home
In her own good land here she's been abused
She's been burned, dishonored, denied, and refused
And the government for which she stands
Is scandalized throughout the land
And she's getting threadbare and she's wearing thin
But she's in good shape for the shape she's in'
Cause she's been through the fire before
And I believe she can take a whole lot more
So we raise her up every morning, we take her down every night
We don't let her touch the ground and we fold her up right
On second thought, I do like to brag'
Cause I'm mighty proud of the Ragged Old Flag
Remember your Veteran’s on November the 11th. They do what they do so you have the freedom to do what you want to do without fear because they are in front of you blazing a path. Walking beside you to make sure you are heard and behind you to protect you. Remember you are here because of those who chose to care for you even if you don’t care for them. They chose to protect you even if you don’t protect them. They think it’s their Duty to keep you safe. It should be our duty to thank them when you see them. It is not that hard, you thank the waitress that brings your food you thank the Bartender that brings your drink. So take it from Expo and me Thank a soldier the next time you see one. It will make you feel good and you will surprised by the smile you see from them!!!
We are getting off our soap box. See you next week…..
Well here we are once again, another week in the books and what do we have to show for it, shambles, utter shambles, in an entire city, an entire region nearly a whole country. But before we get too far lets first talk about who wasn’t scheduled to play. First up there will be no TIM TEBOW jokes as he has the week off, and The Titans are trying to get to know their new wide receiver. Although The Lambs and the 49ers are in the same division they are both at home this week just not the same home. The Deadskins are doing conditioning drills for D McNabb this week, and Jacksonville is basking in the Glory of playing the Cowgirls before their bye, they are resting before next week’s games. So let s take a little inventory. We have a new week to talk about; we talked about the teams that weren’t playing. So we guess we are ready, Expo? Do your thing, please…
First up we will head to what might be the biggest failure in the history of football. Sometimes life gives you lemons. Sometimes life gives you a little vomit in your mouth that gives you some heartburn. Sometimes, as bad as it sounds, a Pigeon will crap on your freshly washed car. Then there is the owner of the Dallas Cowgirls to be known until further notice as your little cowpies. Watching this season for Jerry Jones had to be like being the dummy in a woman’s self defense class when they were working on the ole kick in the crotch move. We guess this will answer the age old question of how many times does a man have to be kicked in the balls before they turn blue, or just pop? And apparently it is giving up 45 points in one game on national TV. There is nothing like being pants for the whole world to see. We might feel sorry for Jerry except he is one of the few to blame. He is the General Manager who put more ill fitting parts together than anyone had since Matt Millan of Detroit. Watching this team and trying to put into perspective what they have this season is like trying to have a hair lip guy described a painting by Pablo Picasso to a blind guy. We wanted to award this game something far more than just the Birth canal team of the week. So the loser of this game will forever be known as the bloody Birth canal Team of the week. And the only thing Jerry could do was to fire Wade Phillips. Talk about kicking a dead horse? They both accomplished the same thing.
Final Score the Cowpies 7 the Packers 45. Jerry Jones might has well have gotten off the team charter and went to the cemetery and urinated on the Grave of Tom Landry. Don’t think that there are not people in Dallas ready to pee on Jerry Jones after that performance. And he doesn’t have to be dead or on fire.
Okay up next let’s stay at the bottom and find ourselves in Carolina for the Panther game. Interestingly enough this game started very differently as the Panthers took control of the game early with an interception and a field goal in the first 4 and half minutes of the game. However just as quick as it started it ended just as fast for the Panthers with a fumble, a missed field goal and punts for the rest of the game. New Orleans Scored 34 unanswered points. After the game there was an announcement over the loud speaker in Panther stadium “Would the lady who brought those 11 kids from the orphanage please get her kids off the field they just scored another touchdown against the Panthers.
Final Score the S-aints 34 the Panhandlers 3. In a normal week this would be the BCTotW. But it will have to settle as the crappy game on Fox.
Next we will have to get on plane to fly to the great Northwest. Is anyone watching what Pete Carroll is doing in Seattle he has quietly put Seattle in position to get at least the eighth pick in the draft. Eight first downs are so great that mere words can’t describe how much the SheHawks sucked on offense. In the locker room someone over heard Ellie on the phone “Hey Mom. No I don’t want to talk to dad he is a selfish Peyton Loving son a biscuit eating witch. No offense to grandma but he is not my favorite person right now. I wanted to talk to you. Did you see me? I played real good and we won again.” Then his expression turned sad as he heard over the phone. “Hum no dear I didn’t. You know, your team started at 4 pm eastern and that was the same time as hum well your brother’s team. And your dad said he would rather watch that game to see if he could see Justin Timberlake in the stands.” “Mom” Eli asked “Does he know he has three sons?” “Oh of course he does dear. He just thinks that Justin Timberlake sprang from my loins like you and Peyton did. I have told him and told him that he was good when he was young but not good enough to produce a Justin Timberlake, maybe a Nick Lachey, or a six foot three quarterback with a laser arm, but that is it.”
Final Score the NYFG 41 the SheHawks 7. 7 points? Who the hell do the SheHawks think they are? The Cowpies?
Okay let’s talk about the great Spit-gate of 2010. So LeRon McLain supposedly spit in Channing Crowder’s face. Okay well in the heat of the game we think that LeRon might have had a speaking problem. And maybe he had a lot of spit in his mouth you know those mouth pieces can create a lot of spit and when some people speak the spit seems to flow a little more that when others speak. All in all the Ravens spitting on the Dolphins was a small offense compared to what they did to them on the field. We mean the Ravens could have, well we guess they kind of did wipe not only the floor but their little Ravens behinds as well. Not much else to say except this was the crappy game on CBS.
Final Score the Dolphins 10 the Ravens 26. Maybe the president will have those two come to White House and have a beer to settle the matter? And who names their kid Channing? His mom should be arrested for Cruelty to animals we think…
Speaking of Cruelty to animals let’s talk about Michael Vick Aka “Dog Killa”. We are sure that Mike is sorry for chocking his dogs several years ago. It still doesn’t make it right nor does it make it right to allow him to make millions of dollars playing a game. We think that on his days off like every Tuesday he needs to go to a non killing animal shelter and walk some dogs and pick up their droppings with his bare hands. That might help ease America’s suffering. After the game while Peyton Manning was in the locker room he was overheard talking on his cell phone “No Dad Justin Timberlake was not in the stands. I told you he wasn’t going to be here. How did Eli do? No dad his game was at the same time. Didn’t you and Mom use that new feature on your Sony TV? Yes the picture in Picture feature? I did set it up when I came over there last time. What? Mom said what? Nick Lachey just sprang from her loins? What?”
Final score the Colts 24 the Beagles 26. As Vick was taking off his shoes after the game he noticed someone had had written on the bottom of his shoe. What does that say he thought? ANDY? What the hell?
Just when everyone thinks they have this year figured out, you know who is going to beat who. Who is going to cover the spread, and who is not. Did anyone see this one coming? The New England Patriots came to Cleveland and got slapped around like they were Tina Turner. Who would have thought Peyton Hillis would channel Jim Brown. He carried the ball 29 times for 184 yards, very nice. That is just crazy. Tom Terrific appeared to be channeling someone as well, but the memories of Brady Quinn games were too fresh in the minds of Brown stain fans not to recognize. Last Week coach Bill Bella-cheat said that he couldn’t comment on what other teams did with their roster, when Rand Moss was released. He then said “Hell I can’t even coach my own team.” Too bad that was a reality this week.
Final Score the Pats14 the Brown Stains 34. 34 points in one game? We did not think Head Coach Eric Mangenius could count that high…
And now for something completely the same. All you need to know about this game is that the Bills were playing in their future home of Toronto, because everything else was the same. The Bills keep it close only to spit the bit in the fourth quarter. With Buffalo leading 19 to 14 with 10 minutes to go they had 3 more drives, one that ended an interception, one that ended with a turnover on downs and one that ended with an interception. At least they didn’t have to punt the ball away. In the midst of that stellar fourth quarter performance Da Bears and Jay Cutler were able to drive for the winning score such as it was.
Final Score Da Bears 22 the Bills 19. Thanks god this game was played in Canada; they don’t know what good football is. For for all my Canadian friends… This was not good football…
Up next we head to the best team in Texas. The Houston Texans are now what Texas pro football fans have to hang their hat on. Great… Matt Schaub is now the starting quarterback for the best professional team in Texas. Hey Texas just fell behind Montana, Idaho, and South Dakota as the states with the worst professional football. The Chargers of all teams came to Houston and bit of a piece of the Texans like Mike Tyson took a piece of Evander Holyfield’s ear back in the day.
Final Score the Chargers 29 the Texans 23. Oh Wait we just checked the list again, and Maine is ahead of Texas as well.
Okay okay okay on the one hand you have Brett Favre, Brett Favre, Brett Favre. Then on the other hand you have Derek Anderson, Derek Anderson, Derek Anderson. And you want us to tell you how this turned out? The Damn thing went to over time before Brett freaking Favre decided to play. Well in all fairness to Brett Favre he decided to play with about 5 minutes left in the game. Maybe that was when the Alcohol and vicadin haze, Brett lives in, cleared enough for him to make a couple of passes to win the game in over time. But Hell he beat the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals.
Final Score the Cardinals 24 the Viqueens 27. Who will Brett text his penis to this week? Expo is that your phone ringing?
In a game that became a game for first place in the NFC South the Falldowns and Tampa bay decided to settle the old school way, on the field. Both teams fought really hard and he had a well played game for the most part. Matt Ryan played well completing 24 of 36 passes for 235 yards. He threw a touchdown pass to Michael Palmer. Michael Palmer? Who the hell is that? Didn’t he throw a touchdown to Roddy White? No? Okay well Michael Palmer then and Michael Turner rushed for over hundred yards which is good oh and he had 2 touchdowns. As time ran out Tamp Head Coach Raheem Morris went running out on the field yelling “This was our game to win. Where are my Buccaneer’s? Where are Buccaneers?” Matt Ryan wondered up to the coach and reminded him “Hey your Buccaneer’s are under your Buccan Hat you jack Wagon!”
Final Score the Buc’s 21 the Falldowns 27. As exciting as this game was, we happened to be watching paint dry… or so it seemed.
In another game that was like watching grass grow the Kansas City Chiefs went west young man and found themselves in Oakland of all places. SSSHHH be very quiet we don’t want to wake Al Davis. Since he has been asleep the Raider became significant again. Jason Campbell is playing decent has he completed 19 passes in 33 attempts for 229 and only threw one interception. Not bad. But the upmost important Key to winning the game for the Raiders was how they were able to contain the Chief star Tim Castille. The Raider held this Chief star to 1 carry for no yards. And the Polish Punisher Sebastian Janikowski kicked a game tying field goal with 3 seconds left in the game then kicked the game winner in over time.
Final Score the Raiders 23 the Chiefs 20. Okay now everyone run to Google to find out who Tim Castille is.
Detroit did everything they were supposed to do except win. This is getting to be terrible for the Lions as they can’t seem to get out of their own way to win a game. This week Matt Stafford got hurt again, and their kicker got hurt as well. We kind of like Jim Schwartz but his in game adjustment has to be called in to question when looking for a back up kick. Didn’t he have a plan if the kicker got hurt during the game? Didn’t he put more that 2 seconds of thought in to before just picking the heaviest guy on his team? We know that the boy named Sue is good but backup kicker good we don’t think so. And once he missed the extra point that would have won the game Mark Sanchez took over and gave a dirty Sanchez to the following people: Detroit Head Coach Jim Schwartz, Matt Stafford, and the boy named Sue.
Final Score the J E T S 23 the Lions 20. Hey Expo how do you spell Sue’s first name? Never mind we will just call him Sue.
Finally on Monday night we had the AFC North Battle. The Bunguls and Steelers took to the field with the teams going in different directions. One going up and one going down. Terrell Owens may not be a cancer in the locker room but his team is really sucking on the field, but it is not his fault. He had 10 catches for 141 yards and two touchdowns. Robin (Ochocinco) had 1 catch for 15 yards and no touchdowns. And while Owens was celebrating on the field his touchdowns Chad was whining on the sidelines to Carson Palmer “Hey man why don’t you throw mw the ball anymore? I feel like you are trying to cheat on me with T O. Is that true?” to which Carson replied “No man I am not. I am just trying to make him feel welcome.” Carson then picked up his helmet and walked down the sidelines to congratulate T O on his touchdown catch.
Final Score the Steelers 27 the Bunguls 21. Do we smell a wide receiver controversy brewing in Cincinnati???
Well there we go again another week in the books. We sure do hope that you are enjoying this as much as we are putting it together. It is a labor of love. Don’t forget to check out the song at the end.
And remember like we always say….
I walked through a county courthouse square
On a park bench an old man was sitting there
I said, "Your old courthouse is kinda run down"
He said, "No, it'll do for our little town"
I said, "Your old flagpole has leaned a little bit
And that's a Ragged Old Flag you got hanging on it"
He said, "Have a seat," and I sat down
"Is this the first time you've been to our little town?"
I said, "I think it is" He said, "I don't like to brag
But we're kinda proud of that Ragged Old Flag
You see, we got a little hole in that flag there when
Washington took it across the Delaware
And it got powder-burned the night Francis Scott Key
Sat watching it, writing 'Say Can You See'
And it got a bad rip in New Orleans
With Packingham and Jackson tuggin' at its seams
And it almost fell at the Alamo
Beside the Texas flag, but she waved on though
She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville
And she got cut again at Shiloh Hill
There was Robert E. Lee, Beauregard, and Bragg
And the south wind blew hard on that Ragged Old Flag
On Flanders Field in World War I
She got a big hole from a Bertha gunS
he turned blood red in World War II
She hung limp and low by the time it was through
She was in Korea and Vietnam
She went where she was sent by her Uncle Sam
She waved from our ships upon the briny foam
And now they've about quit waving her back here at home
In her own good land here she's been abused
She's been burned, dishonored, denied, and refused
And the government for which she stands
Is scandalized throughout the land
And she's getting threadbare and she's wearing thin
But she's in good shape for the shape she's in'
Cause she's been through the fire before
And I believe she can take a whole lot more
So we raise her up every morning, we take her down every night
We don't let her touch the ground and we fold her up right
On second thought, I do like to brag'
Cause I'm mighty proud of the Ragged Old Flag
Remember your Veteran’s on November the 11th. They do what they do so you have the freedom to do what you want to do without fear because they are in front of you blazing a path. Walking beside you to make sure you are heard and behind you to protect you. Remember you are here because of those who chose to care for you even if you don’t care for them. They chose to protect you even if you don’t protect them. They think it’s their Duty to keep you safe. It should be our duty to thank them when you see them. It is not that hard, you thank the waitress that brings your food you thank the Bartender that brings your drink. So take it from Expo and me Thank a soldier the next time you see one. It will make you feel good and you will surprised by the smile you see from them!!!
We are getting off our soap box. See you next week…..
Friday, November 5, 2010
Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard week 8 2010
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 8 2010
Well week 8 is here it is fitting that this week was on Halloween because there was some scary stuff. We will get to that shortly but first let’s talk about who didn’t play. Wow six teams on the bye this week; lots of teams out trick or treating, first we find the Falcons building a nest in Atlanta, Da Bears are Hibernating this week. The Brown stains are washing out their underroos in Lake Erie, while Ellie Manning is trying to get his Father into some therapy. Philly Head coach Andy Reid is spending his time off flipping a coin to find his next starting quarterback. Finally the Ravens took the day off as well. Well Expo that should just about do it, so kick it.
First up we will start at the bottom and what a bottom it is where to begin??? What if we start in Snokiville AKA New Jersey? This didn’t bode well for J E T S fans as somehow their team got on a time machine and went back to that Magical Season of 1996. You know the one where nothing went right and the Jets actually made their stadium stink worse than their 1 and 15 season. We researched it and they never had a game like this: 5 times you punted 3 times you could gain 10 yards on 4 plays and you gave the ball back to the Packers on downs, 2 times your Quarterback dropped back to pass and thought it would be better to throw the ball to packers instead of his teammate. One time the ball got too hot to handle and Brad Smith threw it on the ground for a fumble and only one time in the game did Coach Rex Ryan think it was okay to try a field goal which Nick Folk promptly missed, imagine that if you can sports fans… After the game Rex Ryan was asked what his team could have done to make the game a better match up? “Well we really should have had our eyes on the prize; some of these guys should have acted less like a soft patch of fur under their skirt. Oh yea and blocking and tackling better might have helped as well.
Final Score the Packers 9 the J E T S 0. Yes. That is zip, nada, nothing, zilch. Oh yea the JETS are the B. C. T. o. t. W.… The Birth Canal Team of the week.
Up next we will not move very far up but we will head to the City by the Bay. Not San Fran but Oakland. Who the hell woke up the Raiders up?? With the Raiders now at 4 wins and 4 losses they find themselves at 500. This is the first time the Raiders have been 500 since they were like 1 and 1 If Al Davis is asleep, no one wake him up. Without his interference the Raiders actually look like a team that can compete. The SheHawks on the other hand are upset that they bared all to see and it only a few peopled snickered, and a couple of guys pointing. Did they really want to expose their perfumed inner thigh for the world to smell?
Final Score the SheHawks 3 the Raiders 33. Hey Expo are you having a tuna sandwich?
Now we will talk about the Ewes they have been upgraded. The St Louis Ewes will now be known as the Lambs. The Lambs are playing much better behind their defensive minded head Coach Steve Spagnuolo. The Defense is playing better which allows the offense to play better. Right now Slingin Sammy Bradford has really got a hot hand as he went 25 for 32 and 2 more touchdowns. Matt Moore looked like an undrafted free agent signee, oh wait he was an undrafted free agent signee. And the Panther have had their fur rubbed the wrong direction again. Many more Sunday’s like this and they might end up going Bald.
Final Score the Panthers 10 the Lambs 20. Hey do you think there will be any fur on Panther at the end of the season? Nope then would they become a Brazilian Cat?
Up next we will talk about the War in Kansas City. These two teams were like 2 heavy weight boxers going toe to toe in a championship fight, with each team giving it their all. And again Buffalo’s all was not enough to break their perfect streak, their Perfect winless streak. Down in Miami each year they pop a bottle of Champagne when the last unbeaten team loses. We think that maybe the Detroit Lions of 2007 and the 76/77 Buccaneers might do the same thing except that it is not champagne, but maybe a bottle of Ripple. In this war of attrition we can honestly say with all the conviction that this statement deserves: why did this game have to be played??? And why did we have to see the highlights.
Final Score the Bills 10 the Chiefs 13 in overtime no less. 75 excruciating minutes of football that would have made the happiest people in the world want to play Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.
The only thing you really need to know about the next game is the Dan Carpenter is a kicker for the Miami Dolphins, and he is better kicker than Heather Mills, because both of his feet are attached to his legs. And while Heather Mills’ feet are attached to her legs, she can remove one of her legs where Carpenter cannot.
Final Score the Dolphins 7 Dan Carpenter 15 the Bunguls 14. Holy Crap are the Bunguls this bad??? They sure look like it…
Now it is time to talk about TIM TEBOW and the Denver Broncos… Well the NFL decided that they needed to travel to London to play their annual game and this time the Broncos and the 49ers were the victims to make the plane ride. Could the NFL find 2 teams further to travel than these two? There were a couple of fans in the stands and were overheard saying “Hey this TIM TEBOW guy is really something special, I heard when he does a push up he pushes the earth down.” TO which the man next to him said “Yes I did hear that, and I also heard the TIM TEBOW can touch old Rap star MC Hammer.” Well Since all of England was waiting to see TIM TEBOW the Bronco’s put him in right away. In the third quarter TIM TEBOW got the call on a rushing play and scored a touchdown. And the crowd went wild, not because he scored but they were mystified buy the sheer fact that he got into the game. Let’s take a look at his stats. He Rushed two times for one whole yard, (Not some partial yard, but the full three feet) Wow can you feel the electricity of the moment when TIM TEBOW rushed for a touchdown.
Final Score the Bronco’s 16 the 49ers 24. Two rushing touchdowns and just over 25 yards on the ground now that is production that you can only see in the stats of the game because if you blinked while watching the game you would have missed it.
Up next we would like to take this opportunity to truly apologize to the fans of the stroll. I know that everything you read is of my own making, I write and I publish it and I misspell it. I rarely get any help from anyone else with my writings, I know that you are expecting a lot more than what you are getting from me, but you have to realize that we, and when I say we I really and truly mean me the owner of the blog and the writer of the blog are really going to get in this next week and motivate the keys to write something real good. We are going to write something that you and all the other Blog fans around the world can get behind, and cheer for and root for and be proud of again. Thanks. Whoa Expo did that just happen? It did?
Final Score the Jags 35 the Cowgirls 17. Did I sound like Jerry Jones, because I felt like a younger Al Davis, you know without the diaper but with the sense of not knowing what the hell is going on…
Up next we head to the biggest grudge match of the week. The Minnesota Viqueens went to Foxboro Mass to play the Patriots. Randy Moss had lots to prove on Sunday as he went back to the team that gave up a couple of draft picks for him a couple of years ago. Tom Brady in gentlemanly fashion spoke to Randy before the Game and was heard saying “Dude I hope you quit on that old man like you did me a couple of weeks ago.” Randy replied “I didn’t quit on you, the Patriots, Bill Bella-cheat or anyone here. If anything I quit on myself.” Moss went out and had a wonderful day catching one pass for eight yards. We can tell someone quit on Sunday. Then on Monday morning Viqueens head coach/Moron told Moss not to bother coming in, that his services were not longer needed. “Hell without those eight yards that Moss provided we would have only had 277 yards passing instead of 285 like we did.” Childress said later in the day.
Final Score the Viqueens 18 the Pats 28. Does Brad Childress know that when he released Randy Moss he essentially just traded his third round pick in next year’s draft for a small pile of dust and a dirty jock strap?
Oh no Donavan McNabb needs a hug again. Only thing is big Andy Reid is not around to supply it. You See McNabb was so beloved in Philly that Andy traded him to the Deadskins. Now when Donavan looks at the bottom of his shoes it doesn’t say Andy on it any more, that is scratched out and Mike is written in its place. We wondered how long it was going to take Task Master Mike Shanahan to turn on his offense like he had on Albert Hanesworth. Well like the song says “Let the good times roll.” Coach Shanahan looked around and with 8 minutes to go felt like his 25 to 20 lead was safe. But then in the last 5 minutes of the game the Deadskins had drives of 49 seconds for zero yards that ended in an interception. (Why are you throwing the ball with the lead and less than 5 minutes to play?) a drive that ended in 56 seconds on downs and lost 8 yards(couldn’t you have punted and at least made it look like you were trying to win the game?) then a drive ended on a fumble that was returned for a touchdown to ice the game. Good gravy this offensive genius Mike Shanahan could have almost ran out the clock by taking a knee 6 times and punting twice and won the game. But instead he decided that running the ball once, throwing 3 incomplete passes, throwing an interception, taking 2 sacks and having one fumble returned for a touchdown was the right way to end the game. Giving up 17 points in the final 3:12 of the game was the right call we guess.
Final score the Deadskins25 the Lions 37. Huh?? And Donavan got too tired to run the 2 minute offense at the end of the game? We wonder if he got tired of running back and forth to the side lines.
Well looking over the next game we see that Norv Turner found an answer to his little special teams issues from earlier in the season. Philip “Old Man” Rivers had a nice enough day going 27 for 35 for 305 yards and two touchdowns. The Running back by committee finally had a meeting and decided to rush the ball 34 times for 156 yards and a couple of touchdowns. But what this game came down was Indecision. The indecision of the big mustache of Jeff Fisher does that thing get in the way of him having a thought? Sometimes we think that he can’t make a decision without consulting it. And the Mustache keeps talking Fisher into changing Quarterbacks again…
Final Score the Titans 25 the Chargers 38. Maybe that is why he holds that paper up to his face, he is talking to his mustache???
And finally the last day game on Sunday was the Buccan game. As Tampa Bay flew west to find the Cardinals in Ari-Freaking –Zona they knew they had tough battle. What??? A tough battle? The Cardinals a tough battle??? Maybe in 2008 but not without Kurt Warner. Hell Coach Ken Whisenhunt can’t decide if playing Derek Anderson is better than playing Max Hall. That choice is like a death row inmate having to choose his own execution; 1 a slow agonizing death or 2 a slower agonizing death. (Inset your own death Joke here) We would choose the latter for sure.
Final Score the Buc’s 38 the Cardinals 35. This Josh Freeman can really play can’t he?
And the Last game to close out Halloween Sunday was a wonderful tilt between the Steelers of Pittsburg and the S-Aints of New Orleans. Before the game James Harrison was overheard talking to backup running back Mewelde Moore. “Hey what promotion is going on here tonight?” to which Moore responded “It is Garrett Hartley Bobble foot night.” “What the Hell is Bobble foot night?” “Well he is the kicker and they have not been so kind to him over the last several weeks so they decided to honor him with his own statue. It is a big foot on a spring and the platform has his name on one side and FEMA on the other.” “Well” Harrison said “I guess that is better than those Ben Roethlisberger condoms they are going to pass out next time we are home. I heard the motto of the condom was the Ben Roethlisberger condom for the sex you want, but she doesn’t.”
Final Score the Steelers 10 the S-Aints 20. Oh my Lord what has the promotions department come to, so to speak?
And what everyone was waiting for… the Monday night extravaganza. We welcome the Indianapolis Colts and Houston Texans. This game went a long way to everyone in the world one thing; Peyton Manning is still a quarterback that can lead a team past Matt Schaub. After the game Peyton was heard on his cell phone in the locker room area talking to his father. “Yes Dad. It was a great game. Yes Dad I told you that I was going to get a loch of Justin’s hair for mom, and one for you too. Did you go with Eli to the doctor’s office today? But dad you promised? No dad he is your son as well. No you actually have 3 sons but one is an accountant or lawyer or something, I think, Hell I really don’t know what that jack wagon does but I have two brothers, and you have 3 sons. Yes you do dad.” Stuart Scott interviewed Matt Schaub after the game…
Final Score the Texans 17 the Colts 30. But like always when Matt Schaub speaks no one listens.
Well that will wrap it up for another week. Our apologies on the timeliness of this week’s entry. So we will just end it for this week…
And remember like we always say…..
I turn on the tube and what do I see?
A whole lotta people cryin', 'Don't blame me'
They point their crooked little fingers at everybody else
Spend all their time feelin' sorry for themselves
Victim of this, victim of that
Your mama's too thin and your daddy's too fat
Get over it!
Get over it!
All this whinin' and cryin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it! Get over it!
You say you haven't been the same since you had your little crash
But you might feel better if they gave you some cash
The more I think about it old Billy was right
Let's kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight
You don't wanna work, you wanna live like a king
But the big, bad world doesn't owe you a thing
Get over it!
Get over it!
If you don't wanna play then you might as well split
Get over it! Get over it!
It's like goin' to confession every time I hear you speak
You're makin' the most of your losin' streak
Some call it sick but I call it weak, yeah yeah yeah
Yeah you drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt, you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin' everybody down
You bitch about the present and blame it on the past
I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little ass!
Get over it!
Get over it!
All this bitchin' and moanin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it! Get over it!
Get over it!
Get over it!
It's gotta stop sometime so why don't you quit?
Get over it! Get over it!
Get over it!
Well week 8 is here it is fitting that this week was on Halloween because there was some scary stuff. We will get to that shortly but first let’s talk about who didn’t play. Wow six teams on the bye this week; lots of teams out trick or treating, first we find the Falcons building a nest in Atlanta, Da Bears are Hibernating this week. The Brown stains are washing out their underroos in Lake Erie, while Ellie Manning is trying to get his Father into some therapy. Philly Head coach Andy Reid is spending his time off flipping a coin to find his next starting quarterback. Finally the Ravens took the day off as well. Well Expo that should just about do it, so kick it.
First up we will start at the bottom and what a bottom it is where to begin??? What if we start in Snokiville AKA New Jersey? This didn’t bode well for J E T S fans as somehow their team got on a time machine and went back to that Magical Season of 1996. You know the one where nothing went right and the Jets actually made their stadium stink worse than their 1 and 15 season. We researched it and they never had a game like this: 5 times you punted 3 times you could gain 10 yards on 4 plays and you gave the ball back to the Packers on downs, 2 times your Quarterback dropped back to pass and thought it would be better to throw the ball to packers instead of his teammate. One time the ball got too hot to handle and Brad Smith threw it on the ground for a fumble and only one time in the game did Coach Rex Ryan think it was okay to try a field goal which Nick Folk promptly missed, imagine that if you can sports fans… After the game Rex Ryan was asked what his team could have done to make the game a better match up? “Well we really should have had our eyes on the prize; some of these guys should have acted less like a soft patch of fur under their skirt. Oh yea and blocking and tackling better might have helped as well.
Final Score the Packers 9 the J E T S 0. Yes. That is zip, nada, nothing, zilch. Oh yea the JETS are the B. C. T. o. t. W.… The Birth Canal Team of the week.
Up next we will not move very far up but we will head to the City by the Bay. Not San Fran but Oakland. Who the hell woke up the Raiders up?? With the Raiders now at 4 wins and 4 losses they find themselves at 500. This is the first time the Raiders have been 500 since they were like 1 and 1 If Al Davis is asleep, no one wake him up. Without his interference the Raiders actually look like a team that can compete. The SheHawks on the other hand are upset that they bared all to see and it only a few peopled snickered, and a couple of guys pointing. Did they really want to expose their perfumed inner thigh for the world to smell?
Final Score the SheHawks 3 the Raiders 33. Hey Expo are you having a tuna sandwich?
Now we will talk about the Ewes they have been upgraded. The St Louis Ewes will now be known as the Lambs. The Lambs are playing much better behind their defensive minded head Coach Steve Spagnuolo. The Defense is playing better which allows the offense to play better. Right now Slingin Sammy Bradford has really got a hot hand as he went 25 for 32 and 2 more touchdowns. Matt Moore looked like an undrafted free agent signee, oh wait he was an undrafted free agent signee. And the Panther have had their fur rubbed the wrong direction again. Many more Sunday’s like this and they might end up going Bald.
Final Score the Panthers 10 the Lambs 20. Hey do you think there will be any fur on Panther at the end of the season? Nope then would they become a Brazilian Cat?
Up next we will talk about the War in Kansas City. These two teams were like 2 heavy weight boxers going toe to toe in a championship fight, with each team giving it their all. And again Buffalo’s all was not enough to break their perfect streak, their Perfect winless streak. Down in Miami each year they pop a bottle of Champagne when the last unbeaten team loses. We think that maybe the Detroit Lions of 2007 and the 76/77 Buccaneers might do the same thing except that it is not champagne, but maybe a bottle of Ripple. In this war of attrition we can honestly say with all the conviction that this statement deserves: why did this game have to be played??? And why did we have to see the highlights.
Final Score the Bills 10 the Chiefs 13 in overtime no less. 75 excruciating minutes of football that would have made the happiest people in the world want to play Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.
The only thing you really need to know about the next game is the Dan Carpenter is a kicker for the Miami Dolphins, and he is better kicker than Heather Mills, because both of his feet are attached to his legs. And while Heather Mills’ feet are attached to her legs, she can remove one of her legs where Carpenter cannot.
Final Score the Dolphins 7 Dan Carpenter 15 the Bunguls 14. Holy Crap are the Bunguls this bad??? They sure look like it…
Now it is time to talk about TIM TEBOW and the Denver Broncos… Well the NFL decided that they needed to travel to London to play their annual game and this time the Broncos and the 49ers were the victims to make the plane ride. Could the NFL find 2 teams further to travel than these two? There were a couple of fans in the stands and were overheard saying “Hey this TIM TEBOW guy is really something special, I heard when he does a push up he pushes the earth down.” TO which the man next to him said “Yes I did hear that, and I also heard the TIM TEBOW can touch old Rap star MC Hammer.” Well Since all of England was waiting to see TIM TEBOW the Bronco’s put him in right away. In the third quarter TIM TEBOW got the call on a rushing play and scored a touchdown. And the crowd went wild, not because he scored but they were mystified buy the sheer fact that he got into the game. Let’s take a look at his stats. He Rushed two times for one whole yard, (Not some partial yard, but the full three feet) Wow can you feel the electricity of the moment when TIM TEBOW rushed for a touchdown.
Final Score the Bronco’s 16 the 49ers 24. Two rushing touchdowns and just over 25 yards on the ground now that is production that you can only see in the stats of the game because if you blinked while watching the game you would have missed it.
Up next we would like to take this opportunity to truly apologize to the fans of the stroll. I know that everything you read is of my own making, I write and I publish it and I misspell it. I rarely get any help from anyone else with my writings, I know that you are expecting a lot more than what you are getting from me, but you have to realize that we, and when I say we I really and truly mean me the owner of the blog and the writer of the blog are really going to get in this next week and motivate the keys to write something real good. We are going to write something that you and all the other Blog fans around the world can get behind, and cheer for and root for and be proud of again. Thanks. Whoa Expo did that just happen? It did?
Final Score the Jags 35 the Cowgirls 17. Did I sound like Jerry Jones, because I felt like a younger Al Davis, you know without the diaper but with the sense of not knowing what the hell is going on…
Up next we head to the biggest grudge match of the week. The Minnesota Viqueens went to Foxboro Mass to play the Patriots. Randy Moss had lots to prove on Sunday as he went back to the team that gave up a couple of draft picks for him a couple of years ago. Tom Brady in gentlemanly fashion spoke to Randy before the Game and was heard saying “Dude I hope you quit on that old man like you did me a couple of weeks ago.” Randy replied “I didn’t quit on you, the Patriots, Bill Bella-cheat or anyone here. If anything I quit on myself.” Moss went out and had a wonderful day catching one pass for eight yards. We can tell someone quit on Sunday. Then on Monday morning Viqueens head coach/Moron told Moss not to bother coming in, that his services were not longer needed. “Hell without those eight yards that Moss provided we would have only had 277 yards passing instead of 285 like we did.” Childress said later in the day.
Final Score the Viqueens 18 the Pats 28. Does Brad Childress know that when he released Randy Moss he essentially just traded his third round pick in next year’s draft for a small pile of dust and a dirty jock strap?
Oh no Donavan McNabb needs a hug again. Only thing is big Andy Reid is not around to supply it. You See McNabb was so beloved in Philly that Andy traded him to the Deadskins. Now when Donavan looks at the bottom of his shoes it doesn’t say Andy on it any more, that is scratched out and Mike is written in its place. We wondered how long it was going to take Task Master Mike Shanahan to turn on his offense like he had on Albert Hanesworth. Well like the song says “Let the good times roll.” Coach Shanahan looked around and with 8 minutes to go felt like his 25 to 20 lead was safe. But then in the last 5 minutes of the game the Deadskins had drives of 49 seconds for zero yards that ended in an interception. (Why are you throwing the ball with the lead and less than 5 minutes to play?) a drive that ended in 56 seconds on downs and lost 8 yards(couldn’t you have punted and at least made it look like you were trying to win the game?) then a drive ended on a fumble that was returned for a touchdown to ice the game. Good gravy this offensive genius Mike Shanahan could have almost ran out the clock by taking a knee 6 times and punting twice and won the game. But instead he decided that running the ball once, throwing 3 incomplete passes, throwing an interception, taking 2 sacks and having one fumble returned for a touchdown was the right way to end the game. Giving up 17 points in the final 3:12 of the game was the right call we guess.
Final score the Deadskins25 the Lions 37. Huh?? And Donavan got too tired to run the 2 minute offense at the end of the game? We wonder if he got tired of running back and forth to the side lines.
Well looking over the next game we see that Norv Turner found an answer to his little special teams issues from earlier in the season. Philip “Old Man” Rivers had a nice enough day going 27 for 35 for 305 yards and two touchdowns. The Running back by committee finally had a meeting and decided to rush the ball 34 times for 156 yards and a couple of touchdowns. But what this game came down was Indecision. The indecision of the big mustache of Jeff Fisher does that thing get in the way of him having a thought? Sometimes we think that he can’t make a decision without consulting it. And the Mustache keeps talking Fisher into changing Quarterbacks again…
Final Score the Titans 25 the Chargers 38. Maybe that is why he holds that paper up to his face, he is talking to his mustache???
And finally the last day game on Sunday was the Buccan game. As Tampa Bay flew west to find the Cardinals in Ari-Freaking –Zona they knew they had tough battle. What??? A tough battle? The Cardinals a tough battle??? Maybe in 2008 but not without Kurt Warner. Hell Coach Ken Whisenhunt can’t decide if playing Derek Anderson is better than playing Max Hall. That choice is like a death row inmate having to choose his own execution; 1 a slow agonizing death or 2 a slower agonizing death. (Inset your own death Joke here) We would choose the latter for sure.
Final Score the Buc’s 38 the Cardinals 35. This Josh Freeman can really play can’t he?
And the Last game to close out Halloween Sunday was a wonderful tilt between the Steelers of Pittsburg and the S-Aints of New Orleans. Before the game James Harrison was overheard talking to backup running back Mewelde Moore. “Hey what promotion is going on here tonight?” to which Moore responded “It is Garrett Hartley Bobble foot night.” “What the Hell is Bobble foot night?” “Well he is the kicker and they have not been so kind to him over the last several weeks so they decided to honor him with his own statue. It is a big foot on a spring and the platform has his name on one side and FEMA on the other.” “Well” Harrison said “I guess that is better than those Ben Roethlisberger condoms they are going to pass out next time we are home. I heard the motto of the condom was the Ben Roethlisberger condom for the sex you want, but she doesn’t.”
Final Score the Steelers 10 the S-Aints 20. Oh my Lord what has the promotions department come to, so to speak?
And what everyone was waiting for… the Monday night extravaganza. We welcome the Indianapolis Colts and Houston Texans. This game went a long way to everyone in the world one thing; Peyton Manning is still a quarterback that can lead a team past Matt Schaub. After the game Peyton was heard on his cell phone in the locker room area talking to his father. “Yes Dad. It was a great game. Yes Dad I told you that I was going to get a loch of Justin’s hair for mom, and one for you too. Did you go with Eli to the doctor’s office today? But dad you promised? No dad he is your son as well. No you actually have 3 sons but one is an accountant or lawyer or something, I think, Hell I really don’t know what that jack wagon does but I have two brothers, and you have 3 sons. Yes you do dad.” Stuart Scott interviewed Matt Schaub after the game…
Final Score the Texans 17 the Colts 30. But like always when Matt Schaub speaks no one listens.
Well that will wrap it up for another week. Our apologies on the timeliness of this week’s entry. So we will just end it for this week…
And remember like we always say…..
I turn on the tube and what do I see?
A whole lotta people cryin', 'Don't blame me'
They point their crooked little fingers at everybody else
Spend all their time feelin' sorry for themselves
Victim of this, victim of that
Your mama's too thin and your daddy's too fat
Get over it!
Get over it!
All this whinin' and cryin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it! Get over it!
You say you haven't been the same since you had your little crash
But you might feel better if they gave you some cash
The more I think about it old Billy was right
Let's kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight
You don't wanna work, you wanna live like a king
But the big, bad world doesn't owe you a thing
Get over it!
Get over it!
If you don't wanna play then you might as well split
Get over it! Get over it!
It's like goin' to confession every time I hear you speak
You're makin' the most of your losin' streak
Some call it sick but I call it weak, yeah yeah yeah
Yeah you drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt, you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin' everybody down
You bitch about the present and blame it on the past
I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little ass!
Get over it!
Get over it!
All this bitchin' and moanin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it! Get over it!
Get over it!
Get over it!
It's gotta stop sometime so why don't you quit?
Get over it! Get over it!
Get over it!
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