Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 9 2010

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 9 2010
Well here we are once again, another week in the books and what do we have to show for it, shambles, utter shambles, in an entire city, an entire region nearly a whole country. But before we get too far lets first talk about who wasn’t scheduled to play. First up there will be no TIM TEBOW jokes as he has the week off, and The Titans are trying to get to know their new wide receiver. Although The Lambs and the 49ers are in the same division they are both at home this week just not the same home. The Deadskins are doing conditioning drills for D McNabb this week, and Jacksonville is basking in the Glory of playing the Cowgirls before their bye, they are resting before next week’s games. So let s take a little inventory. We have a new week to talk about; we talked about the teams that weren’t playing. So we guess we are ready, Expo? Do your thing, please…
First up we will head to what might be the biggest failure in the history of football. Sometimes life gives you lemons. Sometimes life gives you a little vomit in your mouth that gives you some heartburn. Sometimes, as bad as it sounds, a Pigeon will crap on your freshly washed car. Then there is the owner of the Dallas Cowgirls to be known until further notice as your little cowpies. Watching this season for Jerry Jones had to be like being the dummy in a woman’s self defense class when they were working on the ole kick in the crotch move. We guess this will answer the age old question of how many times does a man have to be kicked in the balls before they turn blue, or just pop? And apparently it is giving up 45 points in one game on national TV. There is nothing like being pants for the whole world to see. We might feel sorry for Jerry except he is one of the few to blame. He is the General Manager who put more ill fitting parts together than anyone had since Matt Millan of Detroit. Watching this team and trying to put into perspective what they have this season is like trying to have a hair lip guy described a painting by Pablo Picasso to a blind guy. We wanted to award this game something far more than just the Birth canal team of the week. So the loser of this game will forever be known as the bloody Birth canal Team of the week. And the only thing Jerry could do was to fire Wade Phillips. Talk about kicking a dead horse? They both accomplished the same thing.
Final Score the Cowpies 7 the Packers 45. Jerry Jones might has well have gotten off the team charter and went to the cemetery and urinated on the Grave of Tom Landry. Don’t think that there are not people in Dallas ready to pee on Jerry Jones after that performance. And he doesn’t have to be dead or on fire.
Okay up next let’s stay at the bottom and find ourselves in Carolina for the Panther game. Interestingly enough this game started very differently as the Panthers took control of the game early with an interception and a field goal in the first 4 and half minutes of the game. However just as quick as it started it ended just as fast for the Panthers with a fumble, a missed field goal and punts for the rest of the game. New Orleans Scored 34 unanswered points. After the game there was an announcement over the loud speaker in Panther stadium “Would the lady who brought those 11 kids from the orphanage please get her kids off the field they just scored another touchdown against the Panthers.
Final Score the S-aints 34 the Panhandlers 3. In a normal week this would be the BCTotW. But it will have to settle as the crappy game on Fox.

Next we will have to get on plane to fly to the great Northwest. Is anyone watching what Pete Carroll is doing in Seattle he has quietly put Seattle in position to get at least the eighth pick in the draft. Eight first downs are so great that mere words can’t describe how much the SheHawks sucked on offense. In the locker room someone over heard Ellie on the phone “Hey Mom. No I don’t want to talk to dad he is a selfish Peyton Loving son a biscuit eating witch. No offense to grandma but he is not my favorite person right now. I wanted to talk to you. Did you see me? I played real good and we won again.” Then his expression turned sad as he heard over the phone. “Hum no dear I didn’t. You know, your team started at 4 pm eastern and that was the same time as hum well your brother’s team. And your dad said he would rather watch that game to see if he could see Justin Timberlake in the stands.” “Mom” Eli asked “Does he know he has three sons?” “Oh of course he does dear. He just thinks that Justin Timberlake sprang from my loins like you and Peyton did. I have told him and told him that he was good when he was young but not good enough to produce a Justin Timberlake, maybe a Nick Lachey, or a six foot three quarterback with a laser arm, but that is it.”
Final Score the NYFG 41 the SheHawks 7. 7 points? Who the hell do the SheHawks think they are? The Cowpies?

Okay let’s talk about the great Spit-gate of 2010. So LeRon McLain supposedly spit in Channing Crowder’s face. Okay well in the heat of the game we think that LeRon might have had a speaking problem. And maybe he had a lot of spit in his mouth you know those mouth pieces can create a lot of spit and when some people speak the spit seems to flow a little more that when others speak. All in all the Ravens spitting on the Dolphins was a small offense compared to what they did to them on the field. We mean the Ravens could have, well we guess they kind of did wipe not only the floor but their little Ravens behinds as well. Not much else to say except this was the crappy game on CBS.
Final Score the Dolphins 10 the Ravens 26. Maybe the president will have those two come to White House and have a beer to settle the matter? And who names their kid Channing? His mom should be arrested for Cruelty to animals we think…

Speaking of Cruelty to animals let’s talk about Michael Vick Aka “Dog Killa”. We are sure that Mike is sorry for chocking his dogs several years ago. It still doesn’t make it right nor does it make it right to allow him to make millions of dollars playing a game. We think that on his days off like every Tuesday he needs to go to a non killing animal shelter and walk some dogs and pick up their droppings with his bare hands. That might help ease America’s suffering. After the game while Peyton Manning was in the locker room he was overheard talking on his cell phone “No Dad Justin Timberlake was not in the stands. I told you he wasn’t going to be here. How did Eli do? No dad his game was at the same time. Didn’t you and Mom use that new feature on your Sony TV? Yes the picture in Picture feature? I did set it up when I came over there last time. What? Mom said what? Nick Lachey just sprang from her loins? What?”
Final score the Colts 24 the Beagles 26. As Vick was taking off his shoes after the game he noticed someone had had written on the bottom of his shoe. What does that say he thought? ANDY? What the hell?

Just when everyone thinks they have this year figured out, you know who is going to beat who. Who is going to cover the spread, and who is not. Did anyone see this one coming? The New England Patriots came to Cleveland and got slapped around like they were Tina Turner. Who would have thought Peyton Hillis would channel Jim Brown. He carried the ball 29 times for 184 yards, very nice. That is just crazy. Tom Terrific appeared to be channeling someone as well, but the memories of Brady Quinn games were too fresh in the minds of Brown stain fans not to recognize. Last Week coach Bill Bella-cheat said that he couldn’t comment on what other teams did with their roster, when Rand Moss was released. He then said “Hell I can’t even coach my own team.” Too bad that was a reality this week.
Final Score the Pats14 the Brown Stains 34. 34 points in one game? We did not think Head Coach Eric Mangenius could count that high…

And now for something completely the same. All you need to know about this game is that the Bills were playing in their future home of Toronto, because everything else was the same. The Bills keep it close only to spit the bit in the fourth quarter. With Buffalo leading 19 to 14 with 10 minutes to go they had 3 more drives, one that ended an interception, one that ended with a turnover on downs and one that ended with an interception. At least they didn’t have to punt the ball away. In the midst of that stellar fourth quarter performance Da Bears and Jay Cutler were able to drive for the winning score such as it was.
Final Score Da Bears 22 the Bills 19. Thanks god this game was played in Canada; they don’t know what good football is. For for all my Canadian friends… This was not good football…

Up next we head to the best team in Texas. The Houston Texans are now what Texas pro football fans have to hang their hat on. Great… Matt Schaub is now the starting quarterback for the best professional team in Texas. Hey Texas just fell behind Montana, Idaho, and South Dakota as the states with the worst professional football. The Chargers of all teams came to Houston and bit of a piece of the Texans like Mike Tyson took a piece of Evander Holyfield’s ear back in the day.
Final Score the Chargers 29 the Texans 23. Oh Wait we just checked the list again, and Maine is ahead of Texas as well.

Okay okay okay on the one hand you have Brett Favre, Brett Favre, Brett Favre. Then on the other hand you have Derek Anderson, Derek Anderson, Derek Anderson. And you want us to tell you how this turned out? The Damn thing went to over time before Brett freaking Favre decided to play. Well in all fairness to Brett Favre he decided to play with about 5 minutes left in the game. Maybe that was when the Alcohol and vicadin haze, Brett lives in, cleared enough for him to make a couple of passes to win the game in over time. But Hell he beat the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals.
Final Score the Cardinals 24 the Viqueens 27. Who will Brett text his penis to this week? Expo is that your phone ringing?

In a game that became a game for first place in the NFC South the Falldowns and Tampa bay decided to settle the old school way, on the field. Both teams fought really hard and he had a well played game for the most part. Matt Ryan played well completing 24 of 36 passes for 235 yards. He threw a touchdown pass to Michael Palmer. Michael Palmer? Who the hell is that? Didn’t he throw a touchdown to Roddy White? No? Okay well Michael Palmer then and Michael Turner rushed for over hundred yards which is good oh and he had 2 touchdowns. As time ran out Tamp Head Coach Raheem Morris went running out on the field yelling “This was our game to win. Where are my Buccaneer’s? Where are Buccaneers?” Matt Ryan wondered up to the coach and reminded him “Hey your Buccaneer’s are under your Buccan Hat you jack Wagon!”
Final Score the Buc’s 21 the Falldowns 27. As exciting as this game was, we happened to be watching paint dry… or so it seemed.

In another game that was like watching grass grow the Kansas City Chiefs went west young man and found themselves in Oakland of all places. SSSHHH be very quiet we don’t want to wake Al Davis. Since he has been asleep the Raider became significant again. Jason Campbell is playing decent has he completed 19 passes in 33 attempts for 229 and only threw one interception. Not bad. But the upmost important Key to winning the game for the Raiders was how they were able to contain the Chief star Tim Castille. The Raider held this Chief star to 1 carry for no yards. And the Polish Punisher Sebastian Janikowski kicked a game tying field goal with 3 seconds left in the game then kicked the game winner in over time.
Final Score the Raiders 23 the Chiefs 20. Okay now everyone run to Google to find out who Tim Castille is.

Detroit did everything they were supposed to do except win. This is getting to be terrible for the Lions as they can’t seem to get out of their own way to win a game. This week Matt Stafford got hurt again, and their kicker got hurt as well. We kind of like Jim Schwartz but his in game adjustment has to be called in to question when looking for a back up kick. Didn’t he have a plan if the kicker got hurt during the game? Didn’t he put more that 2 seconds of thought in to before just picking the heaviest guy on his team? We know that the boy named Sue is good but backup kicker good we don’t think so. And once he missed the extra point that would have won the game Mark Sanchez took over and gave a dirty Sanchez to the following people: Detroit Head Coach Jim Schwartz, Matt Stafford, and the boy named Sue.
Final Score the J E T S 23 the Lions 20. Hey Expo how do you spell Sue’s first name? Never mind we will just call him Sue.

Finally on Monday night we had the AFC North Battle. The Bunguls and Steelers took to the field with the teams going in different directions. One going up and one going down. Terrell Owens may not be a cancer in the locker room but his team is really sucking on the field, but it is not his fault. He had 10 catches for 141 yards and two touchdowns. Robin (Ochocinco) had 1 catch for 15 yards and no touchdowns. And while Owens was celebrating on the field his touchdowns Chad was whining on the sidelines to Carson Palmer “Hey man why don’t you throw mw the ball anymore? I feel like you are trying to cheat on me with T O. Is that true?” to which Carson replied “No man I am not. I am just trying to make him feel welcome.” Carson then picked up his helmet and walked down the sidelines to congratulate T O on his touchdown catch.
Final Score the Steelers 27 the Bunguls 21. Do we smell a wide receiver controversy brewing in Cincinnati???
Well there we go again another week in the books. We sure do hope that you are enjoying this as much as we are putting it together. It is a labor of love. Don’t forget to check out the song at the end.
And remember like we always say….

I walked through a county courthouse square
On a park bench an old man was sitting there
I said, "Your old courthouse is kinda run down"
He said, "No, it'll do for our little town"
I said, "Your old flagpole has leaned a little bit
And that's a Ragged Old Flag you got hanging on it"
He said, "Have a seat," and I sat down

"Is this the first time you've been to our little town?"
I said, "I think it is" He said, "I don't like to brag
But we're kinda proud of that Ragged Old Flag
You see, we got a little hole in that flag there when
Washington took it across the Delaware
And it got powder-burned the night Francis Scott Key
Sat watching it, writing 'Say Can You See'

And it got a bad rip in New Orleans
With Packingham and Jackson tuggin' at its seams
And it almost fell at the Alamo
Beside the Texas flag, but she waved on though
She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville
And she got cut again at Shiloh Hill
There was Robert E. Lee, Beauregard, and Bragg
And the south wind blew hard on that Ragged Old Flag


On Flanders Field in World War I
She got a big hole from a Bertha gunS
he turned blood red in World War II
She hung limp and low by the time it was through

She was in Korea and Vietnam
She went where she was sent by her Uncle Sam
She waved from our ships upon the briny foam
And now they've about quit waving her back here at home

In her own good land here she's been abused
She's been burned, dishonored, denied, and refused
And the government for which she stands
Is scandalized throughout the land
And she's getting threadbare and she's wearing thin
But she's in good shape for the shape she's in'
Cause she's been through the fire before
And I believe she can take a whole lot more

So we raise her up every morning, we take her down every night
We don't let her touch the ground and we fold her up right
On second thought, I do like to brag'
Cause I'm mighty proud of the Ragged Old Flag



Remember your Veteran’s on November the 11th. They do what they do so you have the freedom to do what you want to do without fear because they are in front of you blazing a path. Walking beside you to make sure you are heard and behind you to protect you. Remember you are here because of those who chose to care for you even if you don’t care for them. They chose to protect you even if you don’t protect them. They think it’s their Duty to keep you safe. It should be our duty to thank them when you see them. It is not that hard, you thank the waitress that brings your food you thank the Bartender that brings your drink. So take it from Expo and me Thank a soldier the next time you see one. It will make you feel good and you will surprised by the smile you see from them!!!
We are getting off our soap box. See you next week…..