Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard week 8 2010

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 8 2010

Well week 8 is here it is fitting that this week was on Halloween because there was some scary stuff. We will get to that shortly but first let’s talk about who didn’t play. Wow six teams on the bye this week; lots of teams out trick or treating, first we find the Falcons building a nest in Atlanta, Da Bears are Hibernating this week. The Brown stains are washing out their underroos in Lake Erie, while Ellie Manning is trying to get his Father into some therapy. Philly Head coach Andy Reid is spending his time off flipping a coin to find his next starting quarterback. Finally the Ravens took the day off as well. Well Expo that should just about do it, so kick it.
First up we will start at the bottom and what a bottom it is where to begin??? What if we start in Snokiville AKA New Jersey? This didn’t bode well for J E T S fans as somehow their team got on a time machine and went back to that Magical Season of 1996. You know the one where nothing went right and the Jets actually made their stadium stink worse than their 1 and 15 season. We researched it and they never had a game like this: 5 times you punted 3 times you could gain 10 yards on 4 plays and you gave the ball back to the Packers on downs, 2 times your Quarterback dropped back to pass and thought it would be better to throw the ball to packers instead of his teammate. One time the ball got too hot to handle and Brad Smith threw it on the ground for a fumble and only one time in the game did Coach Rex Ryan think it was okay to try a field goal which Nick Folk promptly missed, imagine that if you can sports fans… After the game Rex Ryan was asked what his team could have done to make the game a better match up? “Well we really should have had our eyes on the prize; some of these guys should have acted less like a soft patch of fur under their skirt. Oh yea and blocking and tackling better might have helped as well.
Final Score the Packers 9 the J E T S 0. Yes. That is zip, nada, nothing, zilch. Oh yea the JETS are the B. C. T. o. t. W.… The Birth Canal Team of the week.

Up next we will not move very far up but we will head to the City by the Bay. Not San Fran but Oakland. Who the hell woke up the Raiders up?? With the Raiders now at 4 wins and 4 losses they find themselves at 500. This is the first time the Raiders have been 500 since they were like 1 and 1 If Al Davis is asleep, no one wake him up. Without his interference the Raiders actually look like a team that can compete. The SheHawks on the other hand are upset that they bared all to see and it only a few peopled snickered, and a couple of guys pointing. Did they really want to expose their perfumed inner thigh for the world to smell?
Final Score the SheHawks 3 the Raiders 33. Hey Expo are you having a tuna sandwich?

Now we will talk about the Ewes they have been upgraded. The St Louis Ewes will now be known as the Lambs. The Lambs are playing much better behind their defensive minded head Coach Steve Spagnuolo. The Defense is playing better which allows the offense to play better. Right now Slingin Sammy Bradford has really got a hot hand as he went 25 for 32 and 2 more touchdowns. Matt Moore looked like an undrafted free agent signee, oh wait he was an undrafted free agent signee. And the Panther have had their fur rubbed the wrong direction again. Many more Sunday’s like this and they might end up going Bald.
Final Score the Panthers 10 the Lambs 20. Hey do you think there will be any fur on Panther at the end of the season? Nope then would they become a Brazilian Cat?

Up next we will talk about the War in Kansas City. These two teams were like 2 heavy weight boxers going toe to toe in a championship fight, with each team giving it their all. And again Buffalo’s all was not enough to break their perfect streak, their Perfect winless streak. Down in Miami each year they pop a bottle of Champagne when the last unbeaten team loses. We think that maybe the Detroit Lions of 2007 and the 76/77 Buccaneers might do the same thing except that it is not champagne, but maybe a bottle of Ripple. In this war of attrition we can honestly say with all the conviction that this statement deserves: why did this game have to be played??? And why did we have to see the highlights.
Final Score the Bills 10 the Chiefs 13 in overtime no less. 75 excruciating minutes of football that would have made the happiest people in the world want to play Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.

The only thing you really need to know about the next game is the Dan Carpenter is a kicker for the Miami Dolphins, and he is better kicker than Heather Mills, because both of his feet are attached to his legs. And while Heather Mills’ feet are attached to her legs, she can remove one of her legs where Carpenter cannot.
Final Score the Dolphins 7 Dan Carpenter 15 the Bunguls 14. Holy Crap are the Bunguls this bad??? They sure look like it…

Now it is time to talk about TIM TEBOW and the Denver Broncos… Well the NFL decided that they needed to travel to London to play their annual game and this time the Broncos and the 49ers were the victims to make the plane ride. Could the NFL find 2 teams further to travel than these two? There were a couple of fans in the stands and were overheard saying “Hey this TIM TEBOW guy is really something special, I heard when he does a push up he pushes the earth down.” TO which the man next to him said “Yes I did hear that, and I also heard the TIM TEBOW can touch old Rap star MC Hammer.” Well Since all of England was waiting to see TIM TEBOW the Bronco’s put him in right away. In the third quarter TIM TEBOW got the call on a rushing play and scored a touchdown. And the crowd went wild, not because he scored but they were mystified buy the sheer fact that he got into the game. Let’s take a look at his stats. He Rushed two times for one whole yard, (Not some partial yard, but the full three feet) Wow can you feel the electricity of the moment when TIM TEBOW rushed for a touchdown.
Final Score the Bronco’s 16 the 49ers 24. Two rushing touchdowns and just over 25 yards on the ground now that is production that you can only see in the stats of the game because if you blinked while watching the game you would have missed it.

Up next we would like to take this opportunity to truly apologize to the fans of the stroll. I know that everything you read is of my own making, I write and I publish it and I misspell it. I rarely get any help from anyone else with my writings, I know that you are expecting a lot more than what you are getting from me, but you have to realize that we, and when I say we I really and truly mean me the owner of the blog and the writer of the blog are really going to get in this next week and motivate the keys to write something real good. We are going to write something that you and all the other Blog fans around the world can get behind, and cheer for and root for and be proud of again. Thanks. Whoa Expo did that just happen? It did?
Final Score the Jags 35 the Cowgirls 17. Did I sound like Jerry Jones, because I felt like a younger Al Davis, you know without the diaper but with the sense of not knowing what the hell is going on…

Up next we head to the biggest grudge match of the week. The Minnesota Viqueens went to Foxboro Mass to play the Patriots. Randy Moss had lots to prove on Sunday as he went back to the team that gave up a couple of draft picks for him a couple of years ago. Tom Brady in gentlemanly fashion spoke to Randy before the Game and was heard saying “Dude I hope you quit on that old man like you did me a couple of weeks ago.” Randy replied “I didn’t quit on you, the Patriots, Bill Bella-cheat or anyone here. If anything I quit on myself.” Moss went out and had a wonderful day catching one pass for eight yards. We can tell someone quit on Sunday. Then on Monday morning Viqueens head coach/Moron told Moss not to bother coming in, that his services were not longer needed. “Hell without those eight yards that Moss provided we would have only had 277 yards passing instead of 285 like we did.” Childress said later in the day.
Final Score the Viqueens 18 the Pats 28. Does Brad Childress know that when he released Randy Moss he essentially just traded his third round pick in next year’s draft for a small pile of dust and a dirty jock strap?

Oh no Donavan McNabb needs a hug again. Only thing is big Andy Reid is not around to supply it. You See McNabb was so beloved in Philly that Andy traded him to the Deadskins. Now when Donavan looks at the bottom of his shoes it doesn’t say Andy on it any more, that is scratched out and Mike is written in its place. We wondered how long it was going to take Task Master Mike Shanahan to turn on his offense like he had on Albert Hanesworth. Well like the song says “Let the good times roll.” Coach Shanahan looked around and with 8 minutes to go felt like his 25 to 20 lead was safe. But then in the last 5 minutes of the game the Deadskins had drives of 49 seconds for zero yards that ended in an interception. (Why are you throwing the ball with the lead and less than 5 minutes to play?) a drive that ended in 56 seconds on downs and lost 8 yards(couldn’t you have punted and at least made it look like you were trying to win the game?) then a drive ended on a fumble that was returned for a touchdown to ice the game. Good gravy this offensive genius Mike Shanahan could have almost ran out the clock by taking a knee 6 times and punting twice and won the game. But instead he decided that running the ball once, throwing 3 incomplete passes, throwing an interception, taking 2 sacks and having one fumble returned for a touchdown was the right way to end the game. Giving up 17 points in the final 3:12 of the game was the right call we guess.
Final score the Deadskins25 the Lions 37. Huh?? And Donavan got too tired to run the 2 minute offense at the end of the game? We wonder if he got tired of running back and forth to the side lines.

Well looking over the next game we see that Norv Turner found an answer to his little special teams issues from earlier in the season. Philip “Old Man” Rivers had a nice enough day going 27 for 35 for 305 yards and two touchdowns. The Running back by committee finally had a meeting and decided to rush the ball 34 times for 156 yards and a couple of touchdowns. But what this game came down was Indecision. The indecision of the big mustache of Jeff Fisher does that thing get in the way of him having a thought? Sometimes we think that he can’t make a decision without consulting it. And the Mustache keeps talking Fisher into changing Quarterbacks again…
Final Score the Titans 25 the Chargers 38. Maybe that is why he holds that paper up to his face, he is talking to his mustache???

And finally the last day game on Sunday was the Buccan game. As Tampa Bay flew west to find the Cardinals in Ari-Freaking –Zona they knew they had tough battle. What??? A tough battle? The Cardinals a tough battle??? Maybe in 2008 but not without Kurt Warner. Hell Coach Ken Whisenhunt can’t decide if playing Derek Anderson is better than playing Max Hall. That choice is like a death row inmate having to choose his own execution; 1 a slow agonizing death or 2 a slower agonizing death. (Inset your own death Joke here) We would choose the latter for sure.
Final Score the Buc’s 38 the Cardinals 35. This Josh Freeman can really play can’t he?

And the Last game to close out Halloween Sunday was a wonderful tilt between the Steelers of Pittsburg and the S-Aints of New Orleans. Before the game James Harrison was overheard talking to backup running back Mewelde Moore. “Hey what promotion is going on here tonight?” to which Moore responded “It is Garrett Hartley Bobble foot night.” “What the Hell is Bobble foot night?” “Well he is the kicker and they have not been so kind to him over the last several weeks so they decided to honor him with his own statue. It is a big foot on a spring and the platform has his name on one side and FEMA on the other.” “Well” Harrison said “I guess that is better than those Ben Roethlisberger condoms they are going to pass out next time we are home. I heard the motto of the condom was the Ben Roethlisberger condom for the sex you want, but she doesn’t.”
Final Score the Steelers 10 the S-Aints 20. Oh my Lord what has the promotions department come to, so to speak?

And what everyone was waiting for… the Monday night extravaganza. We welcome the Indianapolis Colts and Houston Texans. This game went a long way to everyone in the world one thing; Peyton Manning is still a quarterback that can lead a team past Matt Schaub. After the game Peyton was heard on his cell phone in the locker room area talking to his father. “Yes Dad. It was a great game. Yes Dad I told you that I was going to get a loch of Justin’s hair for mom, and one for you too. Did you go with Eli to the doctor’s office today? But dad you promised? No dad he is your son as well. No you actually have 3 sons but one is an accountant or lawyer or something, I think, Hell I really don’t know what that jack wagon does but I have two brothers, and you have 3 sons. Yes you do dad.” Stuart Scott interviewed Matt Schaub after the game…
Final Score the Texans 17 the Colts 30. But like always when Matt Schaub speaks no one listens.

Well that will wrap it up for another week. Our apologies on the timeliness of this week’s entry. So we will just end it for this week…
And remember like we always say…..

I turn on the tube and what do I see?
A whole lotta people cryin', 'Don't blame me'
They point their crooked little fingers at everybody else
Spend all their time feelin' sorry for themselves
Victim of this, victim of that
Your mama's too thin and your daddy's too fat

Get over it!
Get over it!

All this whinin' and cryin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it! Get over it!

You say you haven't been the same since you had your little crash
But you might feel better if they gave you some cash
The more I think about it old Billy was right
Let's kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight
You don't wanna work, you wanna live like a king
But the big, bad world doesn't owe you a thing

Get over it!
Get over it!

If you don't wanna play then you might as well split
Get over it! Get over it!

It's like goin' to confession every time I hear you speak
You're makin' the most of your losin' streak
Some call it sick but I call it weak, yeah yeah yeah
Yeah you drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt, you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin' everybody down
You bitch about the present and blame it on the past
I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little ass!

Get over it!
Get over it!

All this bitchin' and moanin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it! Get over it!

Get over it!
Get over it!
It's gotta stop sometime so why don't you quit?
Get over it! Get over it!

Get over it!