Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 8 2009
Well here we are the first half is over. How did you like it? Did it have all the action pack games you were looking for? Or did it just fizzle out? All we have found out is there are a lot of teams that are struggling to keep their heads above water. Insert your own Michael Vick joke. First things first, lets talk about who is not playing, Cincinnati Kansas City, New England, Pittsburg, Tampa Bay and Washington. With these team not playing hopefully there were some decent matchups. Let’s get started Expo Kick it!!!
Wow that was a lot of fan fare to start but starting with this team kind of leaves us flat. The Brown Stains showed up in Chicago to face Da Bears. We have a question, how did Cleveland get an NFL Franchise? Was this some gift because their team moved? If so then can someone else buy this hunk of junk? This is ridiculous. This is their season in one game their quarterback of the present and future dropped back 21 times and completed only 7 for 85 yards... They also took a sack and had 2 interceptions for the game, not a quarter, not a half, but a game. After the game Head Coach Eric Mangenius was asked if his team could win any awards this year. He replied, “Well I think we are a shoe in for the Birth Canal team of the week this week.”
Final score the Brown Stains 6 Da Bears 30. Yes you are Coach. Yes you are...
Okay up next we find the Denver Bronco’s heading across the country to play in Baltimore, home of the Ravens. The Bronco’s had shown that new Coach Josh McDaniels had the right stuff to make his team undefeated. But then they played against the Ravens. After the game we tallied up the number of plays the Bronco’s ran in the game we found that they ran 58 plays. But only 19 of those were running plays for a total of 66 yards. Honestly 66 yards? Well after spotting the Ravens 13 points the Bronco’s came roaring back to only lose by 23. Roaring?
Final Score the Bronco’s 7 the Ravens30. Are you sure you want to use Roaring?
Up next we go to Canada to find the Buffalo Bills trying to build on the 2 wins they had in a row. Let us see how they did. Well Buffalo had the ball 11 times in the game and 6 of those ended in punts, 2 ended in interceptions, 1 ended on downs, 1 ended with a touch down and one a field goal. That is not good. If you are going to score only 10 points in a game you better be playing Detroit, or Cleveland or Buffalo, oh wait you are Buffalo, you can’t play your self can you?
Final Score the Texans 31 the Bills 10. If they did play themselves it would end in a tie.
Okay the next game has two teams that combined for 1 win in the last year. When Detroit and St Louis get together the Fireworks are going to fly. We are sorry did we say fireworks? These two teams are terrible, and we aren’t sure who would watch this game or why it was played.
Final Score the Ewes 17 the Lionesses 10. Good God at one point the score was 3 to 2…
The next game reminds us of a quote that we just can’t get out of our head. “When you find yourself in Danger and you’re threatened by a stranger and it looks like you will take a lickin. Cluck, cluck cluck…” The Tennessee didn’t call for super chicken, but did call for Vince Young. Who responded with a game that can best be described as average? But hey Average doesn’t suck right? 15 of 18 for 125 yards and a touchdown are better than a kick in the head or Kerry Collins.
Finals Score the Jaguars 13 the Titans 30. Fred would be proud of you Vince.
Okay so if we told you that Peyton Manning the 6 foot 4 inch Colt Quarterback with a laser arm was 31 of 48 for 347 yards, how bad do you think that Indy beat the San Francisco 49ers? What if we told you that Peyton didn’t throw any interceptions but that he didn’t throw any touchdowns? Well that happened as well… But there was a touchdown thrown, just not by Peyton Manning. Joseph Addai throws a touchdown and Colts have won 16 in Row in the regular Season.
Final Score the 49ers 14 the Colts 18.
Well on this the 50th anniversary of the beginning of the AFL we find Al Davis and the Raiders traveling down to San Diego to take on the Chargers. This game was over at halftime. And it showed as the teams meandered on the field and barely scored in the second half. But it didn’t really matter because the Chargers had scored 21 points in the first half. The Raiders have barely scored that many in a Game this year. And as a matter of fact they only scored 26 points in the month of October.
Final Score the Raiders 16 the Chargers 24. 26 points for October? That is less than a touchdown a game.
Here we are again The Miles Austin Show. This week we find our Star Miles Austin catching passes and scoring touchdowns, again. Turn over Tony Romo didn’t throw an interception this week but he did have 3 touchdowns passes. The Shehawks were just what the Cowboys needed after the bye week. A team to come into the New Cowboys Stadium just lie down and not put up a fight.
Final Score the Shehawks 17 the Cowboys 38. How long can Turn over Tony keep up this pace?
Well here we go again, time to check in with the Beagles. Fresh off their cross country drubbing handed to them by the Mighty Oakland Raiders, the Philadelphia Beagles decided to take charge against the NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS. After spotting the Beagles to a 16 point lead the GIANTS went to work and drove 89 yards for a touchdown to cut the lead to 9. Humm then they gave up 2 more touchdowns before the end of the 1st half and the game was over. Is this the Roller coaster ride we are used to from the Giants? Win their first 5 then spiral out of control losing their last 3 games. Are we going to see 5 loses before they win again?
Final Score the NYFG 17 the Beagles 40. We guess that the roller coaster in Atlantic City, NJ is fun huh?
Okay up next we find ourselves in Ari-Freaking-Zona home of all things Cardinal. This team just can’t play at home. Why is that do you think? We think that the Cardinals played out of their minds last year and now don’t know how to get back to that form, especially at home. Kurt Warner was so bad that head coach Ken Whisenhunt nearly put in Matt Leinart. But Matt is so bad that even 5 interceptions by Warner couldn’t get him into the game.
Final Score the Panthers 34 the Cardinals 21. How bad does Warner have to be before Leinart gets to play?
Welcome to the Ted Ginn Jr show here in New Jersey. This week history was made, sort of. Ted Ginn Jr took 2 of his 6 kickoff returns back for touchdowns in one quarter. That was sandwiched around a fumble returned for a touchdown by Jason Taylor. So if you were counting or not that is 3 touchdowns or 21 points where we come from. And in a close game 21 points can come in handy. Do you smell that? It smells like?? It smells like??
Final Score the Dolphins 30 the J E T S 25. It smells like poop rubbed on a Tuna Cake…
And finally the last game of Sunday is the one everyone was talking about. This is the game when Brett Favre returns back to Lambeau field. This game was basically about the Viqueens coming to town and playing an inferior team. The Packers are an inferior team where the Viqueens are concerned and it doesn’t have anything to do with the loss of Brett Favre. What it does have to do with is no running game, no coaching staff and not much of a defense. We aren’t buying into the hype of Brett Farve.
Final Score the Viqueens 38 the Packers 26. You don’t win the division in Sept or Oct.
And now the final game. The Monday Night extravaganza. The only thing we can think of that is worse than the Sunday night announcing crew is the Monday night crew. We know that ESPN is the home for wayward Fired Coaches and retired marginal players like Keyshawn Johnson, and Trent Dilfer, and is there a bigger spare from the Front office than Matt Millen? John Gruden should just read his Resume because his analysis is terrible, Lets get to the game. The Greatest Running back in the History of the NFL had 5 touches and only 15 yards.
Final Score the Falldowns 27 the Saints 35. Do they still cheer for him at home?
Well that is it. We hope you have enjoyed this as much as we have putting this together. Because we are enjoying it…
And remember like we always say…..
Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these daya are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 7
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 7 2009
Week 7 is here and gone and now we must put our little prospective on it. First things first however is everyone playing this week? No. So let us tell you who isn’t. Denver, Detroit, Tennessee, Seattle, Jacksonville and Baltimore are all off, but some of those may have been off more than just this week. Let’s get to the games shall we?
Have you ever seen anyone die in person? Well we have, and nothing reminds us more of watching people die than watching an Oakland Raiders game. These guys are finding new ways to kill themselves. After the euphoria of beating the Beagles last week they come into this week and it is back to reality. This was like walking down the hall of a nursing home after they slipped everyone a prune flavored lollipop. How long are we going to have to sit and watch this team crap in the bed??? We will give the Oakland Raiders this weeks Birth Canal Team of the week but someone else is going to have to clean it up for next week.
Final Score the J E T S 38 the Raiders Not a damn Point. Did someone say Dirty Sanchez?
Not moving up too far we find the Packers heading to Cleveland to face the Brown Stains. Can things get any worse for Cleveland? They have 2 quarterbacks on their Roster, but the head Coach doesn’t think either can play. “Derek Anderson gives us the best chance to win” Head Coach Eric Mangenius said, so lets look at his numbers: 12 completions in 29 attempts for 99 yards with 2 sacks and an interception. Wow if that is the best he can do maybe they should be forfeiting?
Final Score the Packers 34 the Brown Stains 3. Derek Anderson gives you no chance to win. Dumbass.
Okay setting up this next game we would like to mention that the Colts are undefeated and the Ewes are winless. Do you really need anymore explanation? Welcome to St Loser Peyton Manning, get your win and move on.
Final Score The Colts 42 The Ewes 6. When will the Ewes ever win a game?
Although the Penny’s had a game doesn’t mean that they played. After allowing 2 touchdowns in the first quarter Tampa Bay would not be able to catch up. We tried to come up with something positive to type about Tampa Bay. And we are positive that they would lose to any junior high team in Florida. People in Florida are putting up goal posts in their front yards to keep the Penny’s away.
Final Score the Pats 35 Tampa Bay 7. This game wasn’t even that close.
In Kansas City they were still so excited over the win against Washington last week that the offense decided to stay on the Sidelines this week. The Paramount moment of the game came when Head Coach Todd Haley decided to go for a fourth and 1 from his own 41. Quarterback Matt Cassell didn’t make it. That is their season in one play. Hell they might as well have taken the snap wondered around in the back field like they were looking for 4 leaf clovers until the defense came and pushed them down.
Final Score the Chargers 37 the Chiefs 7. What do you call a joke that is not funny? The Chiefs…
Down in Carolina they have a joke that is not too funny either it is called the Panthers. Question: What do you call a Buffalo in Carolina? Answer: A Winner. The Buffalo Bills came to town riding high after defeating the J E T S last week and stuck it to the Panther this week. You wonder how they did it. We did as well so we took a look at the stats. And they were out gained 425 yards to 167. They lost the first down battle 20 to 9. And Time of possession was not close 35 minutes to 25 minutes. Terrell T O Owens was asked after the game how they won the game. “Hey man I am involved now and you know I make things happen when I have the ball”. Well three catches for 27 is not much production.
Final Score the Bills 20 the Panther 9 but the Results are pretty good.
Next up we see Da Bears are celebrating their new found success at Quarterback by giving him a new contract extension for 2 more years. He in turn went out and gave Da Bears all he had to win that game against the Bengals. Which was 26 of 37 for 251 yards and 3 interceptions. Wow how much did he get? 30 million? We Guess Da Bears are made of money, or they the next thing with ties to the President to get a government bail out. Hey Jay maybe you should take some lessons from Carson Palmer who threw 5 touchdowns. Very nice.
Final Score Da Bears 10 the Bengals 45. Was there a game that was at least entertaining this weekend?
Finally a game that was at least watchable for some of the country. Brett Farve’s game against the Pittsburg Steelers was a game that was once again forced down our throats. It was boring like every other Steeler game until the final few minutes. Okay Down by 10 points the Great Brett Favre dropped back to pass but fumbled the ball and LaMarr Woodley scooped it up and returned it 77 yards for a touchdown. So the Steelers are now up 27 to 10 and all is lost. On the sidelines someone whispered in Percy Harvin’s ear “Hey if you want Brett to throw the ball your way you better do something with it.” So he returns the kickoff for a touchdown. After a punt Brett goes back to work and drives the Viqueens down until he drops back and throws an interception to Keyaron Fox that is returned for a touchdown.
Final Score the Viqueens 17 the Steelers 27. The Viqueens Lose the Viqueens Lose, The world is back to right.
Up next a game of 2 halves finally came to an end. And we guess that we will have to Declare Houston the winner. How does Matt Schuab keep doing it? He just wins game despite himself. This week the Texans score 17 points in the 1st half while the 49ers scored 17 points in the 2nd. But the Texans manage a field goal in the fourth to get the win. We can defiantly say that when the Texans score more points than their opponents they win…
Final Score the 49ers 21 the Texans 24. But when they don’t they lose…
Welcome to the Miles Austin show. He has shown exactly what an undrafted wide receiver can do when he is being thrown to by an undrafted quarterback. That combination has been a hit for a couple of weeks now. Atlanta was supposed to come into Dallas and take care of business. But the only business that was taken care of was the Falldown fell down again. Turn-over Tony had none this week but can he keep up this streak?
Final Score the Falldowns 21 the Cowboys 37. How long can it continue???
Up next we find that no team in the NFL can contain the New Orleans Saints. So if no one can contain them then REG GIE Bush should be having a great season, let’s look in on the stats from this week. Well he had 3 carries for 10 yards with a long of 10 yards. Wow now that is production. He had 3 catches for 16 yards with a long of 11. 6 touches for 26 yards. That is what we call production from the greatest running back in the history of the NFL. Oh yea the Saints won again.
Final Score the Saints 46 the Dolphins 34. Big Tuna Cakes can’t be happy.
Is it just us or is it true? No one wants to play in Ari-Freaking-Zona, not even the Cardinals. They are 1 and 3 at home this year, but this week the rumbled and stumbled their way through New Jersey. Speaking of stumbling what can we call the last couple of weeks for the New York Football Giants? Is Ellie Stumbling, or Bumbling? Ellie was 19 for 37 for 254 yards, but had 3 interceptions. That is not good. Kurt Warner stuck it to his old team by throwing 1 touchdown… 1 touchdown?
Final Score the Cardinals 24 the NYFG 17 I guess one touchdown was all he needed…
And Finally on Monday night we find the Beagles taking on the Washington Deadskins. This game was so bad that the Beagles packed up and left after halftime and the Deadskins could only manage 1 touchdown against an empty field. And that score happen with less than 2 minutes left in the game and it got them to within 10 points.
Final score the Beagles 27 the Deadskins 17. What the Hell?
Well that is it for this week, Sorry about the lateness, we are trying to get back on track.
And remember like we always say….
She keeps Moet et Chandon
In her pretty cabinet'
Let them eat cake' she says
Just likeMarie Antoinette
A built-in remedy
For Kruschev and Kennedy
At anytime an invitation
You can't decline
Caviar and cigarettes
Well versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice
She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Recommended at the price
Insatiable an appetite
Wanna try?
To avoid complications
She never kept the same address
In conversation
She spoke just like a baroness
Met a man from China
Went down to Geisha Minah
Then again incidentally
If you're that way inclined
Perfume came naturally from Paris
For cars she couldn't care less
Fastidious and precise
She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Week 7 is here and gone and now we must put our little prospective on it. First things first however is everyone playing this week? No. So let us tell you who isn’t. Denver, Detroit, Tennessee, Seattle, Jacksonville and Baltimore are all off, but some of those may have been off more than just this week. Let’s get to the games shall we?
Have you ever seen anyone die in person? Well we have, and nothing reminds us more of watching people die than watching an Oakland Raiders game. These guys are finding new ways to kill themselves. After the euphoria of beating the Beagles last week they come into this week and it is back to reality. This was like walking down the hall of a nursing home after they slipped everyone a prune flavored lollipop. How long are we going to have to sit and watch this team crap in the bed??? We will give the Oakland Raiders this weeks Birth Canal Team of the week but someone else is going to have to clean it up for next week.
Final Score the J E T S 38 the Raiders Not a damn Point. Did someone say Dirty Sanchez?
Not moving up too far we find the Packers heading to Cleveland to face the Brown Stains. Can things get any worse for Cleveland? They have 2 quarterbacks on their Roster, but the head Coach doesn’t think either can play. “Derek Anderson gives us the best chance to win” Head Coach Eric Mangenius said, so lets look at his numbers: 12 completions in 29 attempts for 99 yards with 2 sacks and an interception. Wow if that is the best he can do maybe they should be forfeiting?
Final Score the Packers 34 the Brown Stains 3. Derek Anderson gives you no chance to win. Dumbass.
Okay setting up this next game we would like to mention that the Colts are undefeated and the Ewes are winless. Do you really need anymore explanation? Welcome to St Loser Peyton Manning, get your win and move on.
Final Score The Colts 42 The Ewes 6. When will the Ewes ever win a game?
Although the Penny’s had a game doesn’t mean that they played. After allowing 2 touchdowns in the first quarter Tampa Bay would not be able to catch up. We tried to come up with something positive to type about Tampa Bay. And we are positive that they would lose to any junior high team in Florida. People in Florida are putting up goal posts in their front yards to keep the Penny’s away.
Final Score the Pats 35 Tampa Bay 7. This game wasn’t even that close.
In Kansas City they were still so excited over the win against Washington last week that the offense decided to stay on the Sidelines this week. The Paramount moment of the game came when Head Coach Todd Haley decided to go for a fourth and 1 from his own 41. Quarterback Matt Cassell didn’t make it. That is their season in one play. Hell they might as well have taken the snap wondered around in the back field like they were looking for 4 leaf clovers until the defense came and pushed them down.
Final Score the Chargers 37 the Chiefs 7. What do you call a joke that is not funny? The Chiefs…
Down in Carolina they have a joke that is not too funny either it is called the Panthers. Question: What do you call a Buffalo in Carolina? Answer: A Winner. The Buffalo Bills came to town riding high after defeating the J E T S last week and stuck it to the Panther this week. You wonder how they did it. We did as well so we took a look at the stats. And they were out gained 425 yards to 167. They lost the first down battle 20 to 9. And Time of possession was not close 35 minutes to 25 minutes. Terrell T O Owens was asked after the game how they won the game. “Hey man I am involved now and you know I make things happen when I have the ball”. Well three catches for 27 is not much production.
Final Score the Bills 20 the Panther 9 but the Results are pretty good.
Next up we see Da Bears are celebrating their new found success at Quarterback by giving him a new contract extension for 2 more years. He in turn went out and gave Da Bears all he had to win that game against the Bengals. Which was 26 of 37 for 251 yards and 3 interceptions. Wow how much did he get? 30 million? We Guess Da Bears are made of money, or they the next thing with ties to the President to get a government bail out. Hey Jay maybe you should take some lessons from Carson Palmer who threw 5 touchdowns. Very nice.
Final Score Da Bears 10 the Bengals 45. Was there a game that was at least entertaining this weekend?
Finally a game that was at least watchable for some of the country. Brett Farve’s game against the Pittsburg Steelers was a game that was once again forced down our throats. It was boring like every other Steeler game until the final few minutes. Okay Down by 10 points the Great Brett Favre dropped back to pass but fumbled the ball and LaMarr Woodley scooped it up and returned it 77 yards for a touchdown. So the Steelers are now up 27 to 10 and all is lost. On the sidelines someone whispered in Percy Harvin’s ear “Hey if you want Brett to throw the ball your way you better do something with it.” So he returns the kickoff for a touchdown. After a punt Brett goes back to work and drives the Viqueens down until he drops back and throws an interception to Keyaron Fox that is returned for a touchdown.
Final Score the Viqueens 17 the Steelers 27. The Viqueens Lose the Viqueens Lose, The world is back to right.
Up next a game of 2 halves finally came to an end. And we guess that we will have to Declare Houston the winner. How does Matt Schuab keep doing it? He just wins game despite himself. This week the Texans score 17 points in the 1st half while the 49ers scored 17 points in the 2nd. But the Texans manage a field goal in the fourth to get the win. We can defiantly say that when the Texans score more points than their opponents they win…
Final Score the 49ers 21 the Texans 24. But when they don’t they lose…
Welcome to the Miles Austin show. He has shown exactly what an undrafted wide receiver can do when he is being thrown to by an undrafted quarterback. That combination has been a hit for a couple of weeks now. Atlanta was supposed to come into Dallas and take care of business. But the only business that was taken care of was the Falldown fell down again. Turn-over Tony had none this week but can he keep up this streak?
Final Score the Falldowns 21 the Cowboys 37. How long can it continue???
Up next we find that no team in the NFL can contain the New Orleans Saints. So if no one can contain them then REG GIE Bush should be having a great season, let’s look in on the stats from this week. Well he had 3 carries for 10 yards with a long of 10 yards. Wow now that is production. He had 3 catches for 16 yards with a long of 11. 6 touches for 26 yards. That is what we call production from the greatest running back in the history of the NFL. Oh yea the Saints won again.
Final Score the Saints 46 the Dolphins 34. Big Tuna Cakes can’t be happy.
Is it just us or is it true? No one wants to play in Ari-Freaking-Zona, not even the Cardinals. They are 1 and 3 at home this year, but this week the rumbled and stumbled their way through New Jersey. Speaking of stumbling what can we call the last couple of weeks for the New York Football Giants? Is Ellie Stumbling, or Bumbling? Ellie was 19 for 37 for 254 yards, but had 3 interceptions. That is not good. Kurt Warner stuck it to his old team by throwing 1 touchdown… 1 touchdown?
Final Score the Cardinals 24 the NYFG 17 I guess one touchdown was all he needed…
And Finally on Monday night we find the Beagles taking on the Washington Deadskins. This game was so bad that the Beagles packed up and left after halftime and the Deadskins could only manage 1 touchdown against an empty field. And that score happen with less than 2 minutes left in the game and it got them to within 10 points.
Final score the Beagles 27 the Deadskins 17. What the Hell?
Well that is it for this week, Sorry about the lateness, we are trying to get back on track.
And remember like we always say….
She keeps Moet et Chandon
In her pretty cabinet'
Let them eat cake' she says
Just likeMarie Antoinette
A built-in remedy
For Kruschev and Kennedy
At anytime an invitation
You can't decline
Caviar and cigarettes
Well versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice
She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Recommended at the price
Insatiable an appetite
Wanna try?
To avoid complications
She never kept the same address
In conversation
She spoke just like a baroness
Met a man from China
Went down to Geisha Minah
Then again incidentally
If you're that way inclined
Perfume came naturally from Paris
For cars she couldn't care less
Fastidious and precise
She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Monday, November 2, 2009
Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2009 Week 6
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 6 2009
Wow is this season going by fast? We are already at week 6. Gosh there seems to be a definite separation in the upper and lower teams. And that gap can be as small as the Grand Canyon, but it can also be as big as the gap between Michael Strahan’s teeth. Before we get going let us tell you who is off this week, Dallas, Indianapolis, San Francisco, and Miami. Well with that of the way, hey Expo kick it.
We will start at the bottom and at the bottom we find the Tennessee Titans. In Greek Mythology the Titans were greater than the Gods. In Tennessee the Titans are worse than that little bit a vomit that you burp up after you get too much Salsa on your chip at a bad Mexican food restaurant. You know the one that burns your throat? You know which one we are talking about. We can only guess that it makes the Titans worse than warm spit. This team couldn’t have tried to quit any more. We were so disgusted at this team that the Birth Canal Team of the week is too good for them. But that is the perfect example of one, So as you can guess they are not the birth canal team of the week but they are a bunch of a… They will probably lose when they are on the bye week.
Final Score the Titan not a damn point. The Pats 59. Is Tom Brady getting back into playing shape after missing last year?
Okay staying at the bottom we find this week’s crappy game on FOX. okay anyone can answer this question? What is 11 for 25 for 105 yards no touch downs, and 3 interceptions? Answer 2 quarterbacks who have no business playing in the NFL. Thanks a lot Drew Stanton and Daunte Culpepper. It looks like everyone else has given up on you so we will as well. Glad you are lost in Detroit. Where the hell is Mark Stafford?
Final Score the Lions 0 the Packers 26. The Packers win. Yuck…
Okay well here is another question for you; why the hell is Derek Anderson playing quarterback for the Cleveland Browns? The answer because he is better that Brady Quinn. The head coach Eric Mangenius thinks that Brady Quinn can’t play quarterback so much that he let Joshua Cribbs play before he put in Quinn. Well they don’t call him the Mangenius for nothing. Oh yea this was the crappy game on CBS as well.
Final Score the Brown Stains 14 the Steelers 27. We guess they do call him Mangenius for nothing.
Well we thought we would get off the bottom, but we find ourselves in Seattle home of the mother of all bottoms this year the Seattle Shehawks. Do you need the fact as to why this game is on the bottom? How about 7 first downs and 8 punts does that suck enough for you? How about 128 yards of total offense? We have seen better outputs in a Pee Wee Football game. It got so bad that the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals let Matt Leinart play, and hell he was 2 for 2.
Final Score the Cardinals 27 the Shehawks 3. Nice game Matt.
And now to the game that we wish we didn’t have to report on. The Washington Deadskins are finally done. For 5 weeks they have played a team that had not won this season and they had lost 3 of those games. This week they played the Chiefs of Kansas City. The Chiefs had not won a game either, however that was about to change. During a timeout in the second half someone asked Head coach Jim Zorn what he needed to get through this game? To which he responded; what I really need is a drink. Like some Gatorade? “Nope something stronger” Zorn said. A rum and Coke one of the coaches inquired? Coach Zorn looked over each shoulder and said what I really want is some lemonade with a little Gin in it. Then Quality Control - offensive coach Bill Khavat, turned and told Todd Collins to go into the game. We know from experience that Drinking on the field is not good.
Final Score the Chiefs 14 the Deadskins 6. Sorry but Tom Collins is terrible, the drink and the Quarterback.
Okay well we finally get off the first rung of this weeks ladder and find the Philadelphia Eagles flying across the country and playing the Oakland Raiders. The Beagles played like dogs, and that seems fitting that a team playing like dogs has Michael Vick on it. We wonder if any one was choked on the team plane home? If so it wasn’t reported this week. but what is being reported is that now everyone is having a hard time seeing the Beagles in the playoffs this year after they lost to the Raiders. Hell even we don’t know who is going to make the playoffs, but we don’t think that a loss to the Raiders will keep anyone from making the playoffs.
The Final Score the Beagles 9 the Raiders 13. Teams can’t travel across the country and win, even when you play the Raiders.
Up next we will move to the game with Ben-gals and Texans. Who would have ever thought that Matt Schuab would out duel Carson Palmer. Well stranger things have happened we are sure, but currently we can’t think of anything. Oh wait how about Roswell New Mexico, the New Coke Formula, the Cabbage patch doll phenomenon, and those little ships that get put into the bottles, how the hell does that happen? Well back to the game, Matt Schuab threw 2 touchdowns in the second half and Carson Palmer threw humm none.
Finals Score the Texans 28 the Ben-Gals 17. And lastly we offer the Bigfoot as our strangest thing.
Well crap we forgot about this game. The St Loser Ewes went to Jacksonville, and actually played well enough to lose by only 3 points. It was fitting that we forgot about it since most everyone else did as well. Humm this game went to overtime and that is about all there is to it. We guess we could say Thanks for the game.
Final Score the Ewes 20 the Jaguars 23 But we could also say Thanks for nothing.
Okay since we are finally out of the doldrums of the terrible games we are finally a game that might just mean something. The Carolina Panther invaded the Tampa Bay Penniesanears. Oh wait this game didn’t mean anything except maybe who is going to get the 4th pick in next years draft. Well we looked at the game and can only come up with one word for it.
Final Score the Panthers 28 the Penniesanear 21. Sad. Sad is the only word we can think of.
Okay so the next game is the Brett Farve game. This was the game that was supposed to be the one where Brett Farve falls on his scruffy unshaven face. Well with 3:37 left in the game Baltimore scores a touchdown to go ahead 31 to 30. Then the kickoff is a touchback and the Viqueens are first and 10 just 80 yards away from the endzone. One pass from Brett Favre to Sidney Rice for 56 yards and Brett Farve continues his magic on the field. And we continues our sickness of having to listen to everyone kiss the feet of Brett Favre.
Final Score the Ravens 31 the Viqueens 33 When will it ever end???
Now we will see about the game in New Jersey a dirty game if we ever saw one. We have tried to think about what would be the best thing to happen to the Buffalo Bills. Finally if came to us. Get rid of Bills quarterback Trent Edwards is our best idea. So when Ryan Fitzpatrick ran out on to the field we weren’t the only ones jumping for joy. But while the Bills were jumping up and down and punting for their next 5 possessions, the J E T S were busy scoring 10 whole points in the second quarter. Okay now don’t everyone start to cheer too hard for the J E T S as they only scored 13 points in the first half. But during the second half and overtime, they ended their drives with an interception, interception, interception, punt, interception, punt, and interception. After the game Ryan Fitzpatrick was over heard in the locker room “Ha who got the dirty Sanchez today?”
Final Score the Bills 16 the J E T S 13. Did someone ask for a rusty Trombone?
Okay now for the biggest game in the history of the NFL so far, that didn’t include Brett Favre. The NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS invaded the New Orleans Superdome like the homeless during Katrina. Ellie had such a great game that Coach Tom Coughlin Took him out in the fourth quarter, Check out these Number 14 for 31 for 178 yards with an interception, and a fumble. The Giants appeared to lay down like a cheap rug, which was not good for the die-hard Giant fans of this world. They thought that spending time in front of the TV with the children watching the game was a good idea until the game got to 34 to 17 at halftime So they Left to play Golf with the kids.
Final Score the Giants 27 the Saints 49. And REGGE BUSH had almost 55 yards in total yards… Nice huh?
Now for the Sunday Night Game Da Bears headed south to Atlanta to take on the Falcons. This game was made for Chris Collinsworth. It was so boring that that he almost seemed intelligent. This game could have been played in a half, as no one scored in the first or third quarter. but it went the distance and like every good bicycle race we were waiting for the Wrecks but they never came.
Final Score Da Bears 14 the Falcons 21. is this over yet?
And Finally on Monday night we find the old AFL Match up between the Chargers and the Denver Bronco’s. Denver trotted out their throw back uniforms that looked like they were left by a horse with the trots. How does the league continue to allow this to happen? The Bronco’s continue to win and no body is upset about it. When did Kyle Orton become Joe Montana for goodness sakes. Is any one watching?
Final Score the Bronco’s 34 the Chargers 23.
Well there you have it… another week down….
And Remember Like we always say….
Well, my daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to Ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze
Now, I don't blame him 'cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me 'Sue'
Well, he must o' thought that is was quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk
It seems I had to fight my whole life through
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named 'Sue'
Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean
My fist got hard and my wits got keen
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame
But I made me a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man that gave me that awful name
Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew
At an old saloon on a street of mud
There at a table, dealing stud
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me 'Sue'
Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye
He was big and bent and gray and old
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said, "My name is 'Sue'! How do you do? Now you gonna die"
Yeah, that's what I told him
Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down but, to my surprise
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer
I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile
And he said, "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I know I wouldn't be there to help ya along
So I give ya that name and I said good-bye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's that name that helped to make you strong"
He said, "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do
But ya ought to thank me, before I die
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
'Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you 'Sue'"
Yeah, but what could I do, what could I do
I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son
And I come away with a different point of view
And I think about him, now and then
Every time I try and every time I win
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him...
Bill or George, any damn thing but 'Sue'! I still hate that name
Wow is this season going by fast? We are already at week 6. Gosh there seems to be a definite separation in the upper and lower teams. And that gap can be as small as the Grand Canyon, but it can also be as big as the gap between Michael Strahan’s teeth. Before we get going let us tell you who is off this week, Dallas, Indianapolis, San Francisco, and Miami. Well with that of the way, hey Expo kick it.
We will start at the bottom and at the bottom we find the Tennessee Titans. In Greek Mythology the Titans were greater than the Gods. In Tennessee the Titans are worse than that little bit a vomit that you burp up after you get too much Salsa on your chip at a bad Mexican food restaurant. You know the one that burns your throat? You know which one we are talking about. We can only guess that it makes the Titans worse than warm spit. This team couldn’t have tried to quit any more. We were so disgusted at this team that the Birth Canal Team of the week is too good for them. But that is the perfect example of one, So as you can guess they are not the birth canal team of the week but they are a bunch of a… They will probably lose when they are on the bye week.
Final Score the Titan not a damn point. The Pats 59. Is Tom Brady getting back into playing shape after missing last year?
Okay staying at the bottom we find this week’s crappy game on FOX. okay anyone can answer this question? What is 11 for 25 for 105 yards no touch downs, and 3 interceptions? Answer 2 quarterbacks who have no business playing in the NFL. Thanks a lot Drew Stanton and Daunte Culpepper. It looks like everyone else has given up on you so we will as well. Glad you are lost in Detroit. Where the hell is Mark Stafford?
Final Score the Lions 0 the Packers 26. The Packers win. Yuck…
Okay well here is another question for you; why the hell is Derek Anderson playing quarterback for the Cleveland Browns? The answer because he is better that Brady Quinn. The head coach Eric Mangenius thinks that Brady Quinn can’t play quarterback so much that he let Joshua Cribbs play before he put in Quinn. Well they don’t call him the Mangenius for nothing. Oh yea this was the crappy game on CBS as well.
Final Score the Brown Stains 14 the Steelers 27. We guess they do call him Mangenius for nothing.
Well we thought we would get off the bottom, but we find ourselves in Seattle home of the mother of all bottoms this year the Seattle Shehawks. Do you need the fact as to why this game is on the bottom? How about 7 first downs and 8 punts does that suck enough for you? How about 128 yards of total offense? We have seen better outputs in a Pee Wee Football game. It got so bad that the Ari-Freaking-Zona Cardinals let Matt Leinart play, and hell he was 2 for 2.
Final Score the Cardinals 27 the Shehawks 3. Nice game Matt.
And now to the game that we wish we didn’t have to report on. The Washington Deadskins are finally done. For 5 weeks they have played a team that had not won this season and they had lost 3 of those games. This week they played the Chiefs of Kansas City. The Chiefs had not won a game either, however that was about to change. During a timeout in the second half someone asked Head coach Jim Zorn what he needed to get through this game? To which he responded; what I really need is a drink. Like some Gatorade? “Nope something stronger” Zorn said. A rum and Coke one of the coaches inquired? Coach Zorn looked over each shoulder and said what I really want is some lemonade with a little Gin in it. Then Quality Control - offensive coach Bill Khavat, turned and told Todd Collins to go into the game. We know from experience that Drinking on the field is not good.
Final Score the Chiefs 14 the Deadskins 6. Sorry but Tom Collins is terrible, the drink and the Quarterback.
Okay well we finally get off the first rung of this weeks ladder and find the Philadelphia Eagles flying across the country and playing the Oakland Raiders. The Beagles played like dogs, and that seems fitting that a team playing like dogs has Michael Vick on it. We wonder if any one was choked on the team plane home? If so it wasn’t reported this week. but what is being reported is that now everyone is having a hard time seeing the Beagles in the playoffs this year after they lost to the Raiders. Hell even we don’t know who is going to make the playoffs, but we don’t think that a loss to the Raiders will keep anyone from making the playoffs.
The Final Score the Beagles 9 the Raiders 13. Teams can’t travel across the country and win, even when you play the Raiders.
Up next we will move to the game with Ben-gals and Texans. Who would have ever thought that Matt Schuab would out duel Carson Palmer. Well stranger things have happened we are sure, but currently we can’t think of anything. Oh wait how about Roswell New Mexico, the New Coke Formula, the Cabbage patch doll phenomenon, and those little ships that get put into the bottles, how the hell does that happen? Well back to the game, Matt Schuab threw 2 touchdowns in the second half and Carson Palmer threw humm none.
Finals Score the Texans 28 the Ben-Gals 17. And lastly we offer the Bigfoot as our strangest thing.
Well crap we forgot about this game. The St Loser Ewes went to Jacksonville, and actually played well enough to lose by only 3 points. It was fitting that we forgot about it since most everyone else did as well. Humm this game went to overtime and that is about all there is to it. We guess we could say Thanks for the game.
Final Score the Ewes 20 the Jaguars 23 But we could also say Thanks for nothing.
Okay since we are finally out of the doldrums of the terrible games we are finally a game that might just mean something. The Carolina Panther invaded the Tampa Bay Penniesanears. Oh wait this game didn’t mean anything except maybe who is going to get the 4th pick in next years draft. Well we looked at the game and can only come up with one word for it.
Final Score the Panthers 28 the Penniesanear 21. Sad. Sad is the only word we can think of.
Okay so the next game is the Brett Farve game. This was the game that was supposed to be the one where Brett Farve falls on his scruffy unshaven face. Well with 3:37 left in the game Baltimore scores a touchdown to go ahead 31 to 30. Then the kickoff is a touchback and the Viqueens are first and 10 just 80 yards away from the endzone. One pass from Brett Favre to Sidney Rice for 56 yards and Brett Farve continues his magic on the field. And we continues our sickness of having to listen to everyone kiss the feet of Brett Favre.
Final Score the Ravens 31 the Viqueens 33 When will it ever end???
Now we will see about the game in New Jersey a dirty game if we ever saw one. We have tried to think about what would be the best thing to happen to the Buffalo Bills. Finally if came to us. Get rid of Bills quarterback Trent Edwards is our best idea. So when Ryan Fitzpatrick ran out on to the field we weren’t the only ones jumping for joy. But while the Bills were jumping up and down and punting for their next 5 possessions, the J E T S were busy scoring 10 whole points in the second quarter. Okay now don’t everyone start to cheer too hard for the J E T S as they only scored 13 points in the first half. But during the second half and overtime, they ended their drives with an interception, interception, interception, punt, interception, punt, and interception. After the game Ryan Fitzpatrick was over heard in the locker room “Ha who got the dirty Sanchez today?”
Final Score the Bills 16 the J E T S 13. Did someone ask for a rusty Trombone?
Okay now for the biggest game in the history of the NFL so far, that didn’t include Brett Favre. The NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS invaded the New Orleans Superdome like the homeless during Katrina. Ellie had such a great game that Coach Tom Coughlin Took him out in the fourth quarter, Check out these Number 14 for 31 for 178 yards with an interception, and a fumble. The Giants appeared to lay down like a cheap rug, which was not good for the die-hard Giant fans of this world. They thought that spending time in front of the TV with the children watching the game was a good idea until the game got to 34 to 17 at halftime So they Left to play Golf with the kids.
Final Score the Giants 27 the Saints 49. And REGGE BUSH had almost 55 yards in total yards… Nice huh?
Now for the Sunday Night Game Da Bears headed south to Atlanta to take on the Falcons. This game was made for Chris Collinsworth. It was so boring that that he almost seemed intelligent. This game could have been played in a half, as no one scored in the first or third quarter. but it went the distance and like every good bicycle race we were waiting for the Wrecks but they never came.
Final Score Da Bears 14 the Falcons 21.
And Finally on Monday night we find the old AFL Match up between the Chargers and the Denver Bronco’s. Denver trotted out their throw back uniforms that looked like they were left by a horse with the trots. How does the league continue to allow this to happen? The Bronco’s continue to win and no body is upset about it. When did Kyle Orton become Joe Montana for goodness sakes. Is any one watching?
Final Score the Bronco’s 34 the Chargers 23.
Well there you have it… another week down….
And Remember Like we always say….
Well, my daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to Ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze
Now, I don't blame him 'cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me 'Sue'
Well, he must o' thought that is was quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk
It seems I had to fight my whole life through
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named 'Sue'
Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean
My fist got hard and my wits got keen
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame
But I made me a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man that gave me that awful name
Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew
At an old saloon on a street of mud
There at a table, dealing stud
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me 'Sue'
Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye
He was big and bent and gray and old
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said, "My name is 'Sue'! How do you do? Now you gonna die"
Yeah, that's what I told him
Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down but, to my surprise
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer
I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile
And he said, "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I know I wouldn't be there to help ya along
So I give ya that name and I said good-bye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's that name that helped to make you strong"
He said, "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do
But ya ought to thank me, before I die
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
'Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you 'Sue'"
Yeah, but what could I do, what could I do
I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son
And I come away with a different point of view
And I think about him, now and then
Every time I try and every time I win
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him...
Bill or George, any damn thing but 'Sue'! I still hate that name
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)