Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 8
Okay here it is again. It is that time again, and look what we have here. No Sunday night game, which means no John Madden, is that a sign of things to come? We can only hope. Let’s see who was off this week? Huh well crap where is that paper? Oh here it is. Let’s see the Viqueens aren’t getting crowned. No one visiting Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, no Bronco Fury and Da Bears were also on Da Bye this week. So with that said, let’s get it started!!! Hey Expo, Pump up the Jam!
Here we are at the bottom, and this week the Bottom is in Texas. Knowing the old saying, “Once is a fluke, twice is lucky and three times is a trend we finally have a trend. As much as it pains us to say, Matt Schuab has played well in leading the Houston Texans to 3 straight wins. Let’s just look at the three wins: Miami, it might look better later in the year, Detroit, and Cincinnati, okay they had 2 wins between them not exactly playoffs teams but wins none the less. After the game Marvin Lewis was asked how his team would fair against the Jaguars, next weeks’ opponent. His Answer: “Hell we might lose on our bye week.” So like shooting fish a barrel we find this week’s Birth Canal Team of the week, The Cincinnati Bungels.
Final Score the Bungels 7 the Texans 35. The Texans win, Rah Rah Yuck…
Well let’s talk about the Buccan Game next. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers came to Dallas knowing that the Cowgirls were short handed, and down players due to injury. So they came up with such a stinker of a game that it was hard to tell if they were trying to win. In a game that can best be described as inept this game came down to just one play. Ronde Barber getting called for a horse collar tackle accounted for the longest Cowgirl play from Scrimmage. Not the most productive but the longest. Roy Williams gets his first touchdown pass as a Cowgirl. After the game was over Jeff Garcia told John Gruden just get me the Buccan ball back and I will win this game for you coach. To which Gruden replied Just take a shower and get on the bus.
Final Score the Buccaneers 9 the Cowgirls 13. A win is a win. But this is about as ugly as it gets.
Up next we head to Baltimore as the Raiders came calling. The Oakland Raiders were just hoping to win one quarter when they came to town. Well they won the 3rd quarter 10 to 3 and tied in the second half 10 to10. But they lost the first half 19 to nothing. 10 first downs and 47 yards rushing is just hideous. Well this goes to show that you can’t travel across country and win. But you could travel across country and try.
Final Score the Raiders 10 the Ravens 29. It didn’t look like the Raiders tried very hard.
Well let’s stroll down to Carolina and find the Arizona Cardinals coming across the country. Here are a couple things that happened in this game that everyone should be aware of; both teams scored no points in a quarter, both teams only scored 3 points in the quarter that the other didn’t score. The Cardinals had 50 yards rushing on the day, 30 on an end around. Neither kicker missed a kick and Matt Leinart didn’t play. Oh yea one more thing, you can’t travel across country and win.
Final Score the Cardinals 23 the Panthers 27. It’s the Ari-Freaking-zona Cardinals.
Welcome to this weeks Crappy game on CBS. As we head to Miami and find that the Buffalo Bills came to town looking to keep their division lead intact. This game had everything including a safety, a fumble, an interception, a sack, an incompletion, a rushing touchdown, a field goal made, a field goal miss, a passing touchdown, one team winning and one team losing. See everything just like we told you. Just about the only thing it didn’t have was a Buffalo win. Thanks for nothing Buffalo, looks like your band wagon has been pushed over.
Final score the Bills 16 the Dolphins 23. Another road team bites the dust.
Imagine if you will, you are from another country and all you hear about is this game called American Football. You decided to buy a ticket, take a seat, drink a pint and catch this American football. Hey they touch the ball with their hands, why do they call it football? You ask the guy sitting next to you as you drink another pint. Then after the first quarter you notice that if the goal post was lower then the goalkeeper might have had a chance to stop it before it got through. But it’s far too high to stop you mention to the gentleman that just sold you another pint. Still confused as you finish in the men’s room during the intermission, you question others in line while getting another pint about the game clock that runs down not up, but no one knows. Then as the game is winding down and you are on your 8th pint of the game, you realize that it is you that is on the field streaking with no clothes on. What a day in England you must have had?
Finals Score the Chargers 32 the S-Aints 37. God Save the Queen. Not the Viqueens.
While often imitated but never duplicated it is time to talk about the crappy game on Fox, the Redskins went into Detroit with one thing on their mind, getting out of Michigan as quickly as possible. The Deadskins found themselves behind midway through the 3rd quarter but then turned up the heat and the Lions melted like the witch in the Wizard of Oz when she had a bucket of water thrown on her. Lt. Dan Orlovsky wasn’t terrible which is another way of saying, he didn’t suck too bad. As the Redskins left the field the players noticed the Michigan flag hanging in the stadium. Consisting of a dark blue background over which is a lighter blue shield and the motto, "Cold like Wisconsin, but more recognizably hand-shaped".
Final score The Redskins 25 the Lions 17. Hail to the Redskins.
And now we stroll up the Foxboro as the St Louis Ewes went up to New England. Sometimes there are games that just sneak by without even a hello. This game had nothing any one would want to watch. It was kind of like that old TV show. Hey Expo do you remember that old TV show Baretta? Yes the one with the bird and the cool song “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.” Remember? Well that show had nothing to do with this game we were just wondering if you remembered that show. That bird named Fred and Robert Blake. Hey did you know that Robert Blake was on the Little Rascals? Yes he was, that was an okay show with Spanky and Alfalfa. Huh oh yea the game.
Finals Score the Ewes 16 the Pats 23. Really come on
Up next we will wonder into the Meadowlands to find this week’s Crappy game on CBS. And find out what the great New York Bretts did in their game against the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs came to town with all the expectations of winning the game and it looked good for 59 minutes. But as everyone knows this game is 60 minutes long and finally Brett was able to get past all of his mistakes to throw a touchdown. Just how bad was Favre? Let’s take a look, 28 out of 40 for 290 yards with 2 touchdowns not bad, but 3 interceptions is. In his last 3 games the great Brett Favre has 3 touchdown passes and 7 interceptions. But those 3 teams have a total of 3 wins.
Final Score the Chiefs 24 the Bretts 28. Thanks for absolutely nothing, again…
Up next we are going to see which bird is better, an Eagle or a Falcon. The Flacons took their powerful offense into Philly for a date with the Eagles. After the first half with the Falcon down, Rookie Matt Ryan went to work. But all he could muster was one touchdown and sadly one touchdown was not enough to put the Falldowns on top again. So an Eagle can beat a Falcon, but who didn’t think that?
Final Score the Falldowns 14 the Eagles 27. And another road team goes down.
Now we will head over to Jacksonville and find the Cleveland Browns. In a game that might just decide who will get the 10th pick in next years draft we find the Browns and Jaguars fighting it out. Although what might describe this fight is grade school kids meeting out by the jungle gym after school. You know neither one of them wants to throw a punch but both talk a lot about how tough they are. So with nothing on the line but pride neither team showed any.
Final Score the Browns 23 the Jaguars 17. They should give tickets to another game for free.
Up next we find the WCNYFG going into Pittsburg to verse the Steelers. After 3 quarters the Steelers were ahead 14 to 9, and that is when Ellie Manning went to work. Going 8 for 18 for 95 yards and a touchdown how could the WCNYFG lose? Hey Mike Tomlin if you have a back up plan for Quarterback, and running back, and every other position on the field why don’t you have a backup plan for deep snapper? We bet you do next week as James Harrison, after practicing a couple of time on the sidelines, snapped the ball out of the end zone giving the WCNYFG a safety. Now alone that is only 2 points, but then you had to punt the ball and gave it back to the WCNYFG the ball at their 47 only 53 yards away from the win.
Final score the WCNYFG 21 the Steelers 14. 4 field goals, 1 touchdown and Safety?
And lastly on Sunday we find the Shehawks making the trip down to San Francisco. Boy is this going to be good. Okay so Mike Singletary Former Middle Linebacker for the Da Bears took over for Mike Nolan has head coach for the 49ers. Let’s take a look at some of his decisions He Benched the drunken Irish man J.T. O’Sullivan after his 3rd turnover. He apologized for poor play to all 49er fans, if there are any left. Then he sent a player to the locker room (Vernon Davis) and told him to go ahead and take a shower and get dressed. Singletary said “I told him that he (Vernon Davis) would do a better job for us right now taking a shower and coming back and watching the game than going out on the field. Wow keeping players accountable for their play. Interesting but not productive at the moment.
Final Score the Shehawks 34 the 49ers 13. Good luck with all that.
And on Monday night we had the Indianapolis Colts heading to Nashville to face the Titans. Does anyone remember the Titans? Well the Colts do as they are now 4 games behind them in the standings. With the Titans Winning 7 games in a row Vince Young must be doing something great. Let’s take a look at his stats. Huh he threw as many passes as Matt Leinart, and rushed for as many yards as REGGIE Bush which is to say that Vince played as much has both of them together. Well this was a perfect ending to a perfect week.
Final Score the Colts 21 the Titans 31 Boring, Boring, Boring.
Well we hope that next week is a little more exciting than this week. We hope that you enjoy this as much as we did putting it together. Since it is Halloween we have the top three Costumes not to use at the Party this week.
#3 don’t wear a white T-shirt with Yes on the Front and a No on the Back. “A Contradiction”
#2 Don’t wear a monkey suit with no right arm. “A Leftist Gorilla”
#1 Don’t wear your normal clothes and introduce yourself as. “Child Molester”
And remember like we always say….
I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise
He did the mash
He did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash
From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes
They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son
The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The Coffin-Bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"
They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the monster mash
Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?"
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 7
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 7
Well this is the week that puts us one week closer to the half way point of the season. During the season there are times when God smiles on you, and others times when God seems to smile on your opponents, so let’s see who God Smiled on this week. But first let’s see who is not playing this week; Atlanta, Arizona, Philadelphia, Jacksonville. Expo, are you ready? Expo? Expo? Are you there? You know, when this starts we have to be ready. People are counting on us, little kids around the nation are waiting on us to give them their stats, their who beat whom, and all things NFL. So kick it!!!!
First lets get started at the bottom, and again we find the bottom in Missouri. How in the world does this happen? How did the Cowgirls get this bad in such a short amount of time? With the undrafted superstar (that is an oxymoron by the way) sitting on the bench with a broken finger the Cowgirls turned to backup Brad Johnson. But he threw 3 interceptions. It didn’t start out that bad, as the Cowgirls took the opening drive and went straight down the field for a score. But after that they left the field and took a tour of the Arch and then went by the Scott Joplin museum. After the game Cowgirl owner Jerry Jones was asked “How do you feel your team has played the last four weeks?” Shaking his head and looking the report in the eye he said “I am squealing like Ned Beatty in Deliverance.” Thanks Jerry for taking the Birth canal Team of the week like a man.
Final Score the Cowgirls 14 the Rams 34. Not the Ewes this week.
Well let’s stay at the bottom, the bottom of Ohio that is. The Ben-gals came out and struggled again. The Stat of this game was this little gem: Cincinnati had the ball 12 times; they scored 2 times, and had 8 punts, that is terrible. Of the 8 punts 6 of them were 3 plays and a punt. Words can’t describe how bad that is. Pittsburg lulled the whole stadium to sleep, God this team is boring, but God is smiling on them on this day, or maybe just not on Marvin Lewis. No, that couldn’t be it could it? Hey thank you Pittsburg for throwing a touchdown in the last two minutes of the game.
Final Score the Steelers 38 the Ben-gals 10. Just like school on Saturday. No Class.
Next we will travel back to Missouri to find the Tennessee Titans in a battle with the Kansas City Chiefs. Herm Edwards and his Chiefs had 2 weeks to prepare, and this is what they put out there and at home, they didn’t even have to travel. Games like this make us wonder why Herm Edwards is still a head coach in the NFL. Who does he have pictures of in the front office? Why isn’t he in the unemployment line, at ESPN, waiting for his turn to talk about how he used to do it in the NFL? Tennessee had 332 yards rushing. Which has to be some sort of record, but it probably isn’t.
Final Score the Titans 34 the Chiefs 10. The Chiefs have one more win that a dead guy or Detroit take your pick.
Up next we finally get out of Missouri and head for Carolina for the Crappy game on Fox. The S-Aints went out to Gods Country and found out that God’s wasn’t smiling on them this week. Let’s look at the Greatest running Back in the History of the NFL. 9 carries for 55 yards with a long of 29 yards making his true stats 3 carries for 26 yards, then had one catch for the 5 yards. What the hell? Did he get hurt? What? He did? Oh well how long is he out for? We need him back, without him our sharp sticks will pile up. And we can’t have that. God didn’t smile on New Orleans again. Just like Aug 2005.
Final Score the S-Aints 7 the Panthers 30. REG-GIE REG-GIE. You are killing us. You are killing us.
Oh Lord please smile on us and give us a good game to talk about. As we move to Chicago we find Da Bears welcoming the Viqueens. The Viqueens out gained Da Bears, 439 to 327, and first downs 27 to 18, and never punted. We mean they didn’t punt the ball except for warm ups. While Adrian Peterson had 122 yards on 22 carries and Gus “the Mule” Frerotte had 25 completions on 40 tosses for 298 yards, all very nice. Da Bears only did one thing right, they won. We think that Da Bears crazy Orange jerseys confused the Viqueens. It sure confused “the Mule” as he threw 4 interceptions. The Viqueens were confused all day on special teams. We can only guess that is why they call them special.
Final Score the Viqueens 41 Da Bears 48. Nothing confusing about an elevator it just goes up and down all day.
Well back to it as we find this week’s Crappy game on CBS. The Baltimore Ravens flew south to Miami like the swallows to Capistrano. Only the Raven’s came to play football in Miami. Former Miami coach Cam Cameron was hired to run the offense in Baltimore. This year Baltimore’s offense is 26th in the League, just ahead of the offensive prowess of Detroit, KC and Seattle. Wow, need we say more? So with a Chad Pennington interception return for a touchdown the Ravens Lead 20 to 13 going into the fourth quarter. After a Raven’s touchdown the Dolphins went to work and showed that Pennington can throw the 15 yard out pass. In the last minute he was 4 of 4 for 68 yards, but alas time expired and he was only 48 yards from the touchdown that would have brought his Dolphins to with in 7.
Final score the Ravens 27 Miami 13. God smiled on Baltimore imagine that.
Up next we shuffle off to Buffalo for a game with San Diego. Funny thing at the start of the game the Chargers warmed up too much and the lights went out. Thank goodness the game was at 1PM EST so they really didn’t need the lights. But what San Diego needed was a little more production from LaDainian Tomlinson. In the last 3 games the great LT has averaged 15 carries for 50 yards a game. Wow is that great production? Well the Chargers should have learned one thing by now: 1. you need to score in each quarter, 2 you can’t go across the country and win, even in Buffalo.
Final score the Chargers 14 the Bills 23. That’s the night that the lights went out in… Buffalo?
Next we will head to New Jersey for this weeks game with the WCNYFG. The drunken Irishman J.T O’Sullivan had a wonderful game as he lead his 49er team in passing and rushing. Let’s take a look at those rushing stats 4 for 27 yards with a long of 18, which makes his true stats 3 carries for 9 yards. Wow is that great or what? But the WCNYFG have a weapon of their own and that weapon is Ellie Manning. Let’s look at his day: he was 16 of 31 for 161 yards oh my. But wait he had some rushes huh let us see here. Huh… Where is that note? Oh yes here it is humm 3 rushes for -4 yards. But we have to say that his day was not as bad as Mike Nolan’s day on Monday. Getting fired from your job is not good, but how bad do you have to be to get fired from San Francisco?
Final score the 49ers 17 the WCNYFG 29. Huh so God DOES know where New Jersey is?
Well we guess we should have had talked about this game earlier but quite honestly we had nothing good to say about it, but we will try anyway. Cleveland came to Washington on the heels of a nice Monday night win. Good Lord in the first half there were 11 first downs and 11 punts by both teams. What a showing. And then just when half time was over the two teams combined for 25 points and not much excitement. This game was like listening to porn on the radio, lots of heavy breathing but not much visual stimulation. It looked like God didn’t smile on either team here. He may have laughed though…
Final score the Browns 11 the Deadskins 14. We are sick to our stomachs now, thanks.
Up next we go to Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. The Green Bay Packers invited the Colts of Indianapolis to the neighborhood for a nice glass of Ice tea and a rousing rendition of “won’t you be my neighbor”. During the second verse Peyton Manning threw his second interception which was also returned for a touchdown. Now who was being neighborly? Peyton Manning’s game reminded us of the famous quote by US Cartoonist William H Mauldin “I am a fugitive from the law of averages”. Looks like God smiled on Green Bay.
Final score the Colts 14 the Packers 34. We think Mr. McFeely had a speedy delivery.
Holy Crap up next we find Lt. Dan going to Houston of all places. And in Houston the Detroit Loins found themselves looking for that ever elusive first win. Well Matt Schuab had an unforgettable day while Lt Dan Orlovsky’s day was pretty much not. Matt’s day was 26 of 31; Wow Matt Schuab usually takes two weeks to get 26 completions. But this is Detroit and that means that anything can happen. And we guess that anything is that Houston Wins… Houston wins? Huh Houston Wins?
Final score the Lions 21 the Texans 28. Houston wins? Houston wins, that is just strange.
And Now in what could be called the game of the day, but probably won’t. The New York Bretts came to the City by the bay, Oakland. Apparently the great Brett Favre did some phone calling this week as he called Indianapolis Coach Tony Dungy to let him know what the Packers did last year, Dungy Said don’t worry we got this one. The Next person in Farve’s address book was Lane Kiffin. And as Brett was explaining the fine nuances of his new team’s offense, Kiffin stopped him, but only to remind Brett that he didn’t coach the Raiders any longer. After what seemed like 3 minutes of silence All Kiffin heard was someone on the other end whisper screaming, “I told you he didn’t coach there any more it’s now that Cable guy.” Brett then said “Huh Trick or Treat and hung up.
Final Score the Bretts 13 the Raiders 16. Hey just win baby, in Overtime maybe.
And finally on Sunday Night the Shehawks traveled about as far as they could, going all the way to Tampa Bay and the Buccan Game. Well this is Buccan Football and in the Buccan game the Buccaneers held the ball for 41 minutes, and had 22 first downs to Seattle’s 7 first downs. Question: is anyone going to be nice to Mike Holmgren on his farewell tour? Usually people on their farewell tours get rocking chairs, nice bottles of wine, flowers, and watches. Seeing a guy getting kicked in the groin is usually left to America’s Funniest Videos. This Season AHV happens to be where ever the Shehawks are playing.
Final Score the Shehawks 10 the Buccaneers 20. Just another Buccan game for Tampa.
And finally we find the Denver Bronco’s traveling to New England to prove once and for all who the better team was. With New England down a quarterback Denver thought that it was only fair to have their quarterback hurt as well. So on the first play of the game Denver Quarterback Jay Cutler slammed his hand on the top of a helmet. As Mike Shanahan yelled over to Bill Belle-cheat anything you can do I can do as well. To which Belle-cheat screamed back oh Yea? Oh yea? Well Matt Cassel did his best Tom Brady impersonation scoring 7 out of 12 times. And basically making the Bronco’s the butt of this week’s Monday night joke.
Final Score the Bronco’s 7 the Pats 41. God smiled on the Pats? What?
Well we guess that is it for this week. We only hope that you are enjoying this as much as we are putting it together.
And remember like we always say…
Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but your so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm tryin to get back
before the cool done run out I'll be givin it my best test
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
But I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait
I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our godforsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved
So, i won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate
I'm yours
Scooch on over closer, dear
And I will nibble your ear
I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
and so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I'd be sayin' is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
it's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue
But I won't hesitate no more,
no more it cannot wait
I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you will find that the sky is yours
so please don't, please don't, please don't,
there's no need to complicate,
Cause our time is short
This, this, this is our fate,
I'm yours
Well this is the week that puts us one week closer to the half way point of the season. During the season there are times when God smiles on you, and others times when God seems to smile on your opponents, so let’s see who God Smiled on this week. But first let’s see who is not playing this week; Atlanta, Arizona, Philadelphia, Jacksonville. Expo, are you ready? Expo? Expo? Are you there? You know, when this starts we have to be ready. People are counting on us, little kids around the nation are waiting on us to give them their stats, their who beat whom, and all things NFL. So kick it!!!!
First lets get started at the bottom, and again we find the bottom in Missouri. How in the world does this happen? How did the Cowgirls get this bad in such a short amount of time? With the undrafted superstar (that is an oxymoron by the way) sitting on the bench with a broken finger the Cowgirls turned to backup Brad Johnson. But he threw 3 interceptions. It didn’t start out that bad, as the Cowgirls took the opening drive and went straight down the field for a score. But after that they left the field and took a tour of the Arch and then went by the Scott Joplin museum. After the game Cowgirl owner Jerry Jones was asked “How do you feel your team has played the last four weeks?” Shaking his head and looking the report in the eye he said “I am squealing like Ned Beatty in Deliverance.” Thanks Jerry for taking the Birth canal Team of the week like a man.
Final Score the Cowgirls 14 the Rams 34. Not the Ewes this week.
Well let’s stay at the bottom, the bottom of Ohio that is. The Ben-gals came out and struggled again. The Stat of this game was this little gem: Cincinnati had the ball 12 times; they scored 2 times, and had 8 punts, that is terrible. Of the 8 punts 6 of them were 3 plays and a punt. Words can’t describe how bad that is. Pittsburg lulled the whole stadium to sleep, God this team is boring, but God is smiling on them on this day, or maybe just not on Marvin Lewis. No, that couldn’t be it could it? Hey thank you Pittsburg for throwing a touchdown in the last two minutes of the game.
Final Score the Steelers 38 the Ben-gals 10. Just like school on Saturday. No Class.
Next we will travel back to Missouri to find the Tennessee Titans in a battle with the Kansas City Chiefs. Herm Edwards and his Chiefs had 2 weeks to prepare, and this is what they put out there and at home, they didn’t even have to travel. Games like this make us wonder why Herm Edwards is still a head coach in the NFL. Who does he have pictures of in the front office? Why isn’t he in the unemployment line, at ESPN, waiting for his turn to talk about how he used to do it in the NFL? Tennessee had 332 yards rushing. Which has to be some sort of record, but it probably isn’t.
Final Score the Titans 34 the Chiefs 10. The Chiefs have one more win that a dead guy or Detroit take your pick.
Up next we finally get out of Missouri and head for Carolina for the Crappy game on Fox. The S-Aints went out to Gods Country and found out that God’s wasn’t smiling on them this week. Let’s look at the Greatest running Back in the History of the NFL. 9 carries for 55 yards with a long of 29 yards making his true stats 3 carries for 26 yards, then had one catch for the 5 yards. What the hell? Did he get hurt? What? He did? Oh well how long is he out for? We need him back, without him our sharp sticks will pile up. And we can’t have that. God didn’t smile on New Orleans again. Just like Aug 2005.
Final Score the S-Aints 7 the Panthers 30. REG-GIE REG-GIE. You are killing us. You are killing us.
Oh Lord please smile on us and give us a good game to talk about. As we move to Chicago we find Da Bears welcoming the Viqueens. The Viqueens out gained Da Bears, 439 to 327, and first downs 27 to 18, and never punted. We mean they didn’t punt the ball except for warm ups. While Adrian Peterson had 122 yards on 22 carries and Gus “the Mule” Frerotte had 25 completions on 40 tosses for 298 yards, all very nice. Da Bears only did one thing right, they won. We think that Da Bears crazy Orange jerseys confused the Viqueens. It sure confused “the Mule” as he threw 4 interceptions. The Viqueens were confused all day on special teams. We can only guess that is why they call them special.
Final Score the Viqueens 41 Da Bears 48. Nothing confusing about an elevator it just goes up and down all day.
Well back to it as we find this week’s Crappy game on CBS. The Baltimore Ravens flew south to Miami like the swallows to Capistrano. Only the Raven’s came to play football in Miami. Former Miami coach Cam Cameron was hired to run the offense in Baltimore. This year Baltimore’s offense is 26th in the League, just ahead of the offensive prowess of Detroit, KC and Seattle. Wow, need we say more? So with a Chad Pennington interception return for a touchdown the Ravens Lead 20 to 13 going into the fourth quarter. After a Raven’s touchdown the Dolphins went to work and showed that Pennington can throw the 15 yard out pass. In the last minute he was 4 of 4 for 68 yards, but alas time expired and he was only 48 yards from the touchdown that would have brought his Dolphins to with in 7.
Final score the Ravens 27 Miami 13. God smiled on Baltimore imagine that.
Up next we shuffle off to Buffalo for a game with San Diego. Funny thing at the start of the game the Chargers warmed up too much and the lights went out. Thank goodness the game was at 1PM EST so they really didn’t need the lights. But what San Diego needed was a little more production from LaDainian Tomlinson. In the last 3 games the great LT has averaged 15 carries for 50 yards a game. Wow is that great production? Well the Chargers should have learned one thing by now: 1. you need to score in each quarter, 2 you can’t go across the country and win, even in Buffalo.
Final score the Chargers 14 the Bills 23. That’s the night that the lights went out in… Buffalo?
Next we will head to New Jersey for this weeks game with the WCNYFG. The drunken Irishman J.T O’Sullivan had a wonderful game as he lead his 49er team in passing and rushing. Let’s take a look at those rushing stats 4 for 27 yards with a long of 18, which makes his true stats 3 carries for 9 yards. Wow is that great or what? But the WCNYFG have a weapon of their own and that weapon is Ellie Manning. Let’s look at his day: he was 16 of 31 for 161 yards oh my. But wait he had some rushes huh let us see here. Huh… Where is that note? Oh yes here it is humm 3 rushes for -4 yards. But we have to say that his day was not as bad as Mike Nolan’s day on Monday. Getting fired from your job is not good, but how bad do you have to be to get fired from San Francisco?
Final score the 49ers 17 the WCNYFG 29. Huh so God DOES know where New Jersey is?
Well we guess we should have had talked about this game earlier but quite honestly we had nothing good to say about it, but we will try anyway. Cleveland came to Washington on the heels of a nice Monday night win. Good Lord in the first half there were 11 first downs and 11 punts by both teams. What a showing. And then just when half time was over the two teams combined for 25 points and not much excitement. This game was like listening to porn on the radio, lots of heavy breathing but not much visual stimulation. It looked like God didn’t smile on either team here. He may have laughed though…
Final score the Browns 11 the Deadskins 14. We are sick to our stomachs now, thanks.
Up next we go to Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. The Green Bay Packers invited the Colts of Indianapolis to the neighborhood for a nice glass of Ice tea and a rousing rendition of “won’t you be my neighbor”. During the second verse Peyton Manning threw his second interception which was also returned for a touchdown. Now who was being neighborly? Peyton Manning’s game reminded us of the famous quote by US Cartoonist William H Mauldin “I am a fugitive from the law of averages”. Looks like God smiled on Green Bay.
Final score the Colts 14 the Packers 34. We think Mr. McFeely had a speedy delivery.
Holy Crap up next we find Lt. Dan going to Houston of all places. And in Houston the Detroit Loins found themselves looking for that ever elusive first win. Well Matt Schuab had an unforgettable day while Lt Dan Orlovsky’s day was pretty much not. Matt’s day was 26 of 31; Wow Matt Schuab usually takes two weeks to get 26 completions. But this is Detroit and that means that anything can happen. And we guess that anything is that Houston Wins… Houston wins? Huh Houston Wins?
Final score the Lions 21 the Texans 28. Houston wins? Houston wins, that is just strange.
And Now in what could be called the game of the day, but probably won’t. The New York Bretts came to the City by the bay, Oakland. Apparently the great Brett Favre did some phone calling this week as he called Indianapolis Coach Tony Dungy to let him know what the Packers did last year, Dungy Said don’t worry we got this one. The Next person in Farve’s address book was Lane Kiffin. And as Brett was explaining the fine nuances of his new team’s offense, Kiffin stopped him, but only to remind Brett that he didn’t coach the Raiders any longer. After what seemed like 3 minutes of silence All Kiffin heard was someone on the other end whisper screaming, “I told you he didn’t coach there any more it’s now that Cable guy.” Brett then said “Huh Trick or Treat and hung up.
Final Score the Bretts 13 the Raiders 16. Hey just win baby, in Overtime maybe.
And finally on Sunday Night the Shehawks traveled about as far as they could, going all the way to Tampa Bay and the Buccan Game. Well this is Buccan Football and in the Buccan game the Buccaneers held the ball for 41 minutes, and had 22 first downs to Seattle’s 7 first downs. Question: is anyone going to be nice to Mike Holmgren on his farewell tour? Usually people on their farewell tours get rocking chairs, nice bottles of wine, flowers, and watches. Seeing a guy getting kicked in the groin is usually left to America’s Funniest Videos. This Season AHV happens to be where ever the Shehawks are playing.
Final Score the Shehawks 10 the Buccaneers 20. Just another Buccan game for Tampa.
And finally we find the Denver Bronco’s traveling to New England to prove once and for all who the better team was. With New England down a quarterback Denver thought that it was only fair to have their quarterback hurt as well. So on the first play of the game Denver Quarterback Jay Cutler slammed his hand on the top of a helmet. As Mike Shanahan yelled over to Bill Belle-cheat anything you can do I can do as well. To which Belle-cheat screamed back oh Yea? Oh yea? Well Matt Cassel did his best Tom Brady impersonation scoring 7 out of 12 times. And basically making the Bronco’s the butt of this week’s Monday night joke.
Final Score the Bronco’s 7 the Pats 41. God smiled on the Pats? What?
Well we guess that is it for this week. We only hope that you are enjoying this as much as we are putting it together.
And remember like we always say…
Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but your so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm tryin to get back
before the cool done run out I'll be givin it my best test
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
But I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait
I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our godforsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved
So, i won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate
I'm yours
Scooch on over closer, dear
And I will nibble your ear
I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
and so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I'd be sayin' is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
it's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue
But I won't hesitate no more,
no more it cannot wait
I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you will find that the sky is yours
so please don't, please don't, please don't,
there's no need to complicate,
Cause our time is short
This, this, this is our fate,
I'm yours
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 6
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 6 2008
Okay well here in week 6 we are starting to see the teams that can be considered the Have’s and the teams that will be the Have not’s. Well at least we thought that is what we would find, maybe we will not. First we need to let you know about the teams that HAVE NOT played this week, Kansas City, Pittsburg, Tennessee and Buffalo. With that said, or typed then we guess that we should get going. So Expo if you would do that thing that you do so well…
First up we will start at the bottom and who knows more about being at the bottom than those who live in Ari-Freaking-Zona. Let us just say that 32 teams passed on Tony Romo 7 times each before the Cowgirls signed him as an undrafted free agent. So let’s look at some of his accomplishments, he fumbled a snap on a field goal that would have won a playoff game for the Cowgirls two years ago, then last year lead the team to a 13 – 3 season record only to lose in the playoffs. Then he had 8 straight games with an interception. Now we are only pointing out the facts and it is hard to argue. But the Cowgirls were playing that Cardinals and that should have been enough to win, but it wasn’t. What do you call a kickoff run back for a touchdown, a missed field goal, and a blocked punt for a touchdown? Answer, the Cowgirls poor special teams.
Final Score Cowgirls 24 Cardinals 30. They should have ridden the short school bus.
Up next we will head to Indianapolis and find the Baltimore Ravens visiting. Baltimore head coach John Harbaugh has been heard saying “Joe Flacco is our Quarterback I don’t care how bad it looks.” Well it looks really bad, 28 for 38 is not bad, but 3 interceptions are. How bad is it? Well if we can pick just one word to describe it we choose, terrible. No huh, awful. Oh no wait, dreadful. Well how about, appalling. Crap maybe horrendous. Okay well you choose. Well it looks like Indy might be back, but let’s wait a week on that.
Final score the Ravens 3 the Colts 31. The Colts finally get a win at home
Now we will check out the newest show with Cable. The Raiders came to town with a Cable in tow to strengthen the Levees of New Orleans. But as we all know they will never be strong enough ever again. But what will never change is the love that the
S-Aints fans have for the Greatest Running Back in the History of the NFL. So let’s take a look, Reggie had 13 carries for 27 yards with a long of 5. Huh? And he had 3 catches for 40 yards with a long of 21 yards. What? 67 yards total? Well now that is the kind of production that we are sure the fans are looking for. The Raiders owner Al Davis came to New Orleans trying to reason with anyone that would listen why Lane Kiffin had to be fired and Tom Cable had to be hired. So in an after game press conference Davis was asked by a reporter “Hey Al did you guys leave it all out on the field today?” to which he responded “Huh well, now let me show you something.” Has he stood up and pulled down his sweat suit said and asked “Do you see anything missing?” To which the reporter said nope, all we see is this week’s Birth canal team of the week.
Final Score the Raiders 3 the S-Aints 34. Okay pull up your pants Mr. Davis.
Nothing would be finer than to be in Carolina in the Morning. Nothing would be sweeter then meeting with my sweetie in the morning. This is great, except that this is the Buccan Game with our favorite Canadian Mexican Jeff Garcia, and it was played in Tampa Bay. Carolina head coach John Fox probably wishes that his team had shown up with him, because the Panthers only sent John Kasey to score in the game. He kicked a field goal ran to the sideline had a cup of Gatorade and waited till the game to end. And it did.
Final score the Panthers 3 the Buccaneers 27. Well Reality is a bitter pill to swallow, huh?
Staying close to the bottom we find the Lions making the trek all the way over to the state of a ten thousand lakes to face the Viqueens. Detroit had done all it could do to make up for all their mistakes this season. They fired Matt Millen; they changed quarterbacks as Dan Orlovsky replaced Jon Kitna. And Orlovsky was heard telling any teammate that would listen how he used to throw footballs in to trash cans back in his home state of Connecticut and how he is the best quarterback from Connecticut. Connecticut? Yes Connecticut. Okay that is like being the best Olympic curler from Brazil. We saw some of Dan’s best footwork as he stepped out of bounds to give the Viqueens a safety. Expo did you see that? That was hilarious wasn’t it?
Final score the Lions 10 the Viqueens 12. 9 punts and 8 first downs. Nice job Lt Dan.
Now we will talk about the Crappy game on CBS in New York. Yes the Bretts played against one of the few winless teams left in the NFL the Ben-Gals. Without Carson Palmer the Ben-Gals are hardly even competitive. But Favre did his best to keep the Ben-Gals in it with a Fumble that was returned for a touchdown. Farve’s numbers were 25 for 33 for 189 yards not bad, but noting to write home about unless you live in Mississippi, and of coarse he does.
Final score the Ben-Gals 14 the Bretts 26. Yuck, we have a bad taste in our mouths just talking about it.
Next we will talk about the Crappy game on Fox. There are a couple to choose from. We will say Hello to the Shehawks of Seattle. Seattle is known for more then just football thanks goodness. Just a few things about Washington that you may not have known; Seattle is home to the first revolving restaurant, Starbucks was founded in Seattle and our personnel favorite it is illegal paint polka dots on the American Flag. Well back to the game, is it over yet? Okay great…
Final score the Packers 27 the Shehawks 17. Painting polka dot on the flag? And we need a law for that?
Okay so let’s move back down to Houston, last week Matt Schuab deserted his team when they needed him the most. This week when the Texans were behind, again, and 76 yards from the end zone Matt Schuab was heard singing “Here I come to save the day”. And just like Mighty Mouse, humm well maybe not Mighty Mouse, Maybe more like… like… arrrggg… Sorry about that we should have had something better prepared. Okay so with three seconds on the clock Schuab ran the ball into the end zone for the game winning touchdown and the win. Wow.
Final score the Dolphins 28 the Texans 29. Well everyone has to have a first time.
Up next we head to Washington to find the hottest team in the NFL facing what could be the coldest team in the NFL. And we can’t call them the Ewes any longer, they went to Washington and won. And with 200 total yards of offense, 6 punts 4 field goals (one as time expired), 3 rushes for 2 yards by Travis Minor and one fumble recovery for a touchdown means The Rams win, the Rams win…
Final Score the Rams 19 the Redskins 17. Hail to the Deadskins Hail to the Deadskins.
Well we have finally gotten to the Eagles. This is the craziest thing? The Eagles have played 6 games and they have won the games that they lead at the end of regulation. For 3 quarters the 49er had the lead but then they left the stadium and the Eagles scored 23 points in the 4th quarter to win the game. The Drunken Irishman J.T. O’Sullivan threw 2 interceptions one, of which was of coarse, returned for a touchdown.
Final Score the Eagles 40 the 49ers 26. Maybe if the 49ers had scored more in the game it might have ended differently.
And finally what might be the best game of the day, and we find it in Atlanta. Imagine that a good game in Atlanta. This game reminded us of the TV show Harry O. Remember, the show about a former police officer Harry Orwell who has a bullet lodged near his spine so he can’t move around real well. His car is always in the shop so he can’t get around very well. So who doesn’t remember this show? I mean when Kyle Orton hit Rashied Davis for a touchdown with only 11 seconds left. But then just like the resilient David Janssen (Star of Harry O) Jason Elam kicked the winning field goal as time expired.
Final score Da Bears 20 the Falldowns 22. Hey wasn’t Farrah Fawcett on that show?
The final game on Sunday was a rematch of last years AFC championship game. Only this time it was played in San Diego as the Chargers and the Patriots went into a crazy Sunday night game. But this is not the same Charger team and this is definitely not the same New England team. Without Tom Brady, watching the Pats is like watching a turtle turn over from its back, kind of funny but sad as well. And the Coach Bill Belle-cheat is not helping. He keeps running out Matt Cassel in the Quarterback position. Cassel was quoted saying “We knew that there was going to be a lot of energy in the stadium tonight. We knew that they were gonna come out and try to shut us out early”. “They did a good job. They got ahead, and we weren’t able to really catch up and score points.” We can’t make up quotes like that. Final score was the Pats 10 the Chargers 30. not that any of our quotes are made up.
And finally the MNF game had the 1 win Cleveland Browns inviting the WCNYFG to town. Hey Ellie welcome back to reality. He was 18 for 28 for 196 yards but had 3 interceptions with one being returned for a touchdown. Wasn’t it funny that Peyton played well and Ellie stunk it up? We heard an interesting stat that the Browns snapped the Giant 12 game winning streak? So our crack research staff got on this quickly, Expo do you have that for us? Can we count these please? Huh 4 and 0 before the game, and the run to the Superbowl included 4 playoff wins, that makes 8 in a row. So are we counting preseason games now? Nope, they were 2 and 2 in the preseason, Oh wait one second. The 12 games were away from the Meadow Lands well that makes sense. Final Score WCNYFG 14 the Browns 35. Huh who really wins in the Meadow Lands anyway?
Well there you go. Another week in the books and several new things, two teams get their first win and one get’s their first loss. We hope you enjoy this as much as we did putting it together…
And remember like we always say….
Hey Jim
You know the old suga daddyI said you could have whatever you like (you like)
I said you could have whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Stacks on deck
Patrone on ice
And we can pop bottles all night
Baby you could have whatever you like (you like)
I said you could have whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Late night sex so wet you'r so tight
I'll gas up the jet for you tonight
Baby you could go where ever you like (you like)
I said you could go where ever you like (you like)
Yeah
Anytime you want to pick up the telephone
You know it ain't nothin to drop a couple stacks on you
Wanted you could get it my dear
Five million dollar home, drop Bentley's I swear
Yeah I want'cho body, I need yo body
Long as you got me you won't need nobody
You want it I got it, go get it I buy it
Tellem other broke niggas be quiet
Stacks on deck
Patrone on ice
And we can pop bottles all night
Baby you could have whatever you like (you like)
I said you could have whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Late night sex so wet your so tight
i'll gas up the jet for you tonight
Baby you could go where ever you like (you like)
I said you could go where ever you like (you like)
Yeah
Shawty you da hottest of the way you drop it
Brain so good (good) school you went to college
Hundred cant deposit, vacations hit the tropics
Cause errbody know it ain't trickin if ya got it
Ya need to never ever gotta go to yo wallet
Long as I got rubberband banks in my pocket
Five six, rides with rims and a pocket kit
Ya ain't gotta downgrade you can get what I get
My chick could have what she want
And goin every store for any bag she want
And know she ain't never had a man like that
To buy you anything ya heart desire like that
Yeah
I want'cho body, I need yo body
Long as you got me you won't need nobody
You want it I got it, go get it I buy it
Tellem other broke niggas be quiet
Stacks on deck
Patrone on ice
And we can pop bottles all night
Baby you could have whatever you like (you like)
I said you could have whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Late night sex so wet your so tight
i'll gas up the jet for you tonight
Baby you could go where ever you like (you like)
I said you could go where ever you like (you like)
Yeah
I'm talkin' big boy rides
And big boy ice
Let me put this big boy in yo life
Thang get so wet, it hit so right
Let me put this big boy in yo life
That's right
Yeah
I want'cho body, I need yo body
Long as you got me you won't need nobody
You want it I got it, go get it I buy it
Tellem other broke niggas be quiet
Stacks on deck
Patrone on iceAnd we can pop bottles all night
Baby you could have whatever you like (you like)
I said you could have whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Late night sex so wet your so tight
I'll gas up the jet for you tonight
Baby you could go where ever you like (you like)
I said you could go where ever you like (you like)
Yeah
Hey Jim (Hey Jim)
And this is what the kids listen to today????
Okay well here in week 6 we are starting to see the teams that can be considered the Have’s and the teams that will be the Have not’s. Well at least we thought that is what we would find, maybe we will not. First we need to let you know about the teams that HAVE NOT played this week, Kansas City, Pittsburg, Tennessee and Buffalo. With that said, or typed then we guess that we should get going. So Expo if you would do that thing that you do so well…
First up we will start at the bottom and who knows more about being at the bottom than those who live in Ari-Freaking-Zona. Let us just say that 32 teams passed on Tony Romo 7 times each before the Cowgirls signed him as an undrafted free agent. So let’s look at some of his accomplishments, he fumbled a snap on a field goal that would have won a playoff game for the Cowgirls two years ago, then last year lead the team to a 13 – 3 season record only to lose in the playoffs. Then he had 8 straight games with an interception. Now we are only pointing out the facts and it is hard to argue. But the Cowgirls were playing that Cardinals and that should have been enough to win, but it wasn’t. What do you call a kickoff run back for a touchdown, a missed field goal, and a blocked punt for a touchdown? Answer, the Cowgirls poor special teams.
Final Score Cowgirls 24 Cardinals 30. They should have ridden the short school bus.
Up next we will head to Indianapolis and find the Baltimore Ravens visiting. Baltimore head coach John Harbaugh has been heard saying “Joe Flacco is our Quarterback I don’t care how bad it looks.” Well it looks really bad, 28 for 38 is not bad, but 3 interceptions are. How bad is it? Well if we can pick just one word to describe it we choose, terrible. No huh, awful. Oh no wait, dreadful. Well how about, appalling. Crap maybe horrendous. Okay well you choose. Well it looks like Indy might be back, but let’s wait a week on that.
Final score the Ravens 3 the Colts 31. The Colts finally get a win at home
Now we will check out the newest show with Cable. The Raiders came to town with a Cable in tow to strengthen the Levees of New Orleans. But as we all know they will never be strong enough ever again. But what will never change is the love that the
S-Aints fans have for the Greatest Running Back in the History of the NFL. So let’s take a look, Reggie had 13 carries for 27 yards with a long of 5. Huh? And he had 3 catches for 40 yards with a long of 21 yards. What? 67 yards total? Well now that is the kind of production that we are sure the fans are looking for. The Raiders owner Al Davis came to New Orleans trying to reason with anyone that would listen why Lane Kiffin had to be fired and Tom Cable had to be hired. So in an after game press conference Davis was asked by a reporter “Hey Al did you guys leave it all out on the field today?” to which he responded “Huh well, now let me show you something.” Has he stood up and pulled down his sweat suit said and asked “Do you see anything missing?” To which the reporter said nope, all we see is this week’s Birth canal team of the week.
Final Score the Raiders 3 the S-Aints 34. Okay pull up your pants Mr. Davis.
Nothing would be finer than to be in Carolina in the Morning. Nothing would be sweeter then meeting with my sweetie in the morning. This is great, except that this is the Buccan Game with our favorite Canadian Mexican Jeff Garcia, and it was played in Tampa Bay. Carolina head coach John Fox probably wishes that his team had shown up with him, because the Panthers only sent John Kasey to score in the game. He kicked a field goal ran to the sideline had a cup of Gatorade and waited till the game to end. And it did.
Final score the Panthers 3 the Buccaneers 27. Well Reality is a bitter pill to swallow, huh?
Staying close to the bottom we find the Lions making the trek all the way over to the state of a ten thousand lakes to face the Viqueens. Detroit had done all it could do to make up for all their mistakes this season. They fired Matt Millen; they changed quarterbacks as Dan Orlovsky replaced Jon Kitna. And Orlovsky was heard telling any teammate that would listen how he used to throw footballs in to trash cans back in his home state of Connecticut and how he is the best quarterback from Connecticut. Connecticut? Yes Connecticut. Okay that is like being the best Olympic curler from Brazil. We saw some of Dan’s best footwork as he stepped out of bounds to give the Viqueens a safety. Expo did you see that? That was hilarious wasn’t it?
Final score the Lions 10 the Viqueens 12. 9 punts and 8 first downs. Nice job Lt Dan.
Now we will talk about the Crappy game on CBS in New York. Yes the Bretts played against one of the few winless teams left in the NFL the Ben-Gals. Without Carson Palmer the Ben-Gals are hardly even competitive. But Favre did his best to keep the Ben-Gals in it with a Fumble that was returned for a touchdown. Farve’s numbers were 25 for 33 for 189 yards not bad, but noting to write home about unless you live in Mississippi, and of coarse he does.
Final score the Ben-Gals 14 the Bretts 26. Yuck, we have a bad taste in our mouths just talking about it.
Next we will talk about the Crappy game on Fox. There are a couple to choose from. We will say Hello to the Shehawks of Seattle. Seattle is known for more then just football thanks goodness. Just a few things about Washington that you may not have known; Seattle is home to the first revolving restaurant, Starbucks was founded in Seattle and our personnel favorite it is illegal paint polka dots on the American Flag. Well back to the game, is it over yet? Okay great…
Final score the Packers 27 the Shehawks 17. Painting polka dot on the flag? And we need a law for that?
Okay so let’s move back down to Houston, last week Matt Schuab deserted his team when they needed him the most. This week when the Texans were behind, again, and 76 yards from the end zone Matt Schuab was heard singing “Here I come to save the day”. And just like Mighty Mouse, humm well maybe not Mighty Mouse, Maybe more like… like… arrrggg… Sorry about that we should have had something better prepared. Okay so with three seconds on the clock Schuab ran the ball into the end zone for the game winning touchdown and the win. Wow.
Final score the Dolphins 28 the Texans 29. Well everyone has to have a first time.
Up next we head to Washington to find the hottest team in the NFL facing what could be the coldest team in the NFL. And we can’t call them the Ewes any longer, they went to Washington and won. And with 200 total yards of offense, 6 punts 4 field goals (one as time expired), 3 rushes for 2 yards by Travis Minor and one fumble recovery for a touchdown means The Rams win, the Rams win…
Final Score the Rams 19 the Redskins 17. Hail to the Deadskins Hail to the Deadskins.
Well we have finally gotten to the Eagles. This is the craziest thing? The Eagles have played 6 games and they have won the games that they lead at the end of regulation. For 3 quarters the 49er had the lead but then they left the stadium and the Eagles scored 23 points in the 4th quarter to win the game. The Drunken Irishman J.T. O’Sullivan threw 2 interceptions one, of which was of coarse, returned for a touchdown.
Final Score the Eagles 40 the 49ers 26. Maybe if the 49ers had scored more in the game it might have ended differently.
And finally what might be the best game of the day, and we find it in Atlanta. Imagine that a good game in Atlanta. This game reminded us of the TV show Harry O. Remember, the show about a former police officer Harry Orwell who has a bullet lodged near his spine so he can’t move around real well. His car is always in the shop so he can’t get around very well. So who doesn’t remember this show? I mean when Kyle Orton hit Rashied Davis for a touchdown with only 11 seconds left. But then just like the resilient David Janssen (Star of Harry O) Jason Elam kicked the winning field goal as time expired.
Final score Da Bears 20 the Falldowns 22. Hey wasn’t Farrah Fawcett on that show?
The final game on Sunday was a rematch of last years AFC championship game. Only this time it was played in San Diego as the Chargers and the Patriots went into a crazy Sunday night game. But this is not the same Charger team and this is definitely not the same New England team. Without Tom Brady, watching the Pats is like watching a turtle turn over from its back, kind of funny but sad as well. And the Coach Bill Belle-cheat is not helping. He keeps running out Matt Cassel in the Quarterback position. Cassel was quoted saying “We knew that there was going to be a lot of energy in the stadium tonight. We knew that they were gonna come out and try to shut us out early”. “They did a good job. They got ahead, and we weren’t able to really catch up and score points.” We can’t make up quotes like that. Final score was the Pats 10 the Chargers 30. not that any of our quotes are made up.
And finally the MNF game had the 1 win Cleveland Browns inviting the WCNYFG to town. Hey Ellie welcome back to reality. He was 18 for 28 for 196 yards but had 3 interceptions with one being returned for a touchdown. Wasn’t it funny that Peyton played well and Ellie stunk it up? We heard an interesting stat that the Browns snapped the Giant 12 game winning streak? So our crack research staff got on this quickly, Expo do you have that for us? Can we count these please? Huh 4 and 0 before the game, and the run to the Superbowl included 4 playoff wins, that makes 8 in a row. So are we counting preseason games now? Nope, they were 2 and 2 in the preseason, Oh wait one second. The 12 games were away from the Meadow Lands well that makes sense. Final Score WCNYFG 14 the Browns 35. Huh who really wins in the Meadow Lands anyway?
Well there you go. Another week in the books and several new things, two teams get their first win and one get’s their first loss. We hope you enjoy this as much as we did putting it together…
And remember like we always say….
Hey Jim
You know the old suga daddyI said you could have whatever you like (you like)
I said you could have whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Stacks on deck
Patrone on ice
And we can pop bottles all night
Baby you could have whatever you like (you like)
I said you could have whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Late night sex so wet you'r so tight
I'll gas up the jet for you tonight
Baby you could go where ever you like (you like)
I said you could go where ever you like (you like)
Yeah
Anytime you want to pick up the telephone
You know it ain't nothin to drop a couple stacks on you
Wanted you could get it my dear
Five million dollar home, drop Bentley's I swear
Yeah I want'cho body, I need yo body
Long as you got me you won't need nobody
You want it I got it, go get it I buy it
Tellem other broke niggas be quiet
Stacks on deck
Patrone on ice
And we can pop bottles all night
Baby you could have whatever you like (you like)
I said you could have whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Late night sex so wet your so tight
i'll gas up the jet for you tonight
Baby you could go where ever you like (you like)
I said you could go where ever you like (you like)
Yeah
Shawty you da hottest of the way you drop it
Brain so good (good) school you went to college
Hundred cant deposit, vacations hit the tropics
Cause errbody know it ain't trickin if ya got it
Ya need to never ever gotta go to yo wallet
Long as I got rubberband banks in my pocket
Five six, rides with rims and a pocket kit
Ya ain't gotta downgrade you can get what I get
My chick could have what she want
And goin every store for any bag she want
And know she ain't never had a man like that
To buy you anything ya heart desire like that
Yeah
I want'cho body, I need yo body
Long as you got me you won't need nobody
You want it I got it, go get it I buy it
Tellem other broke niggas be quiet
Stacks on deck
Patrone on ice
And we can pop bottles all night
Baby you could have whatever you like (you like)
I said you could have whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Late night sex so wet your so tight
i'll gas up the jet for you tonight
Baby you could go where ever you like (you like)
I said you could go where ever you like (you like)
Yeah
I'm talkin' big boy rides
And big boy ice
Let me put this big boy in yo life
Thang get so wet, it hit so right
Let me put this big boy in yo life
That's right
Yeah
I want'cho body, I need yo body
Long as you got me you won't need nobody
You want it I got it, go get it I buy it
Tellem other broke niggas be quiet
Stacks on deck
Patrone on iceAnd we can pop bottles all night
Baby you could have whatever you like (you like)
I said you could have whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Late night sex so wet your so tight
I'll gas up the jet for you tonight
Baby you could go where ever you like (you like)
I said you could go where ever you like (you like)
Yeah
Hey Jim (Hey Jim)
And this is what the kids listen to today????
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 5
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 5 2008
Well Week 5 is in the books and do you know what? Yes that is right Expo we have had 5 weeks played in the NFL. Oh my, is that what we pay you for? Thought provoking comments like that? Alright lets talk about who is off this week. Cleveland, and St Louis, but they haven’t been on this year, the New York Bretts, and the Oakland Raiders. These 4 teams have a total of 3 wins; I guess they all needed a bye. Expo let’s get started, Kick it!!!
We had difficulty finding the bottom, because there are so many choices. So when given the chance we will always find the bottom in New Jersey, and why wouldn’t we? Along time ago we told you that no team travels across the country and wins, this holds true this weekend for the most part. We have a little geography lesson, where is Seattle? That’s right in Washington State, and where is New Jersey? That’s right on the other side of the country. So if Seattle is going to play in New Jersey, then they will probably lose. And lose is what they did. Good thing the Seattle kicker Orlando Mare showed up or they would not have scored. The WCNYFG clawed and scratched their way thru the Shehawks defense, like an elephants thru a bag of peanuts. So as the Shehawks were getting back on the airplane to head home someone screamed “Hey Mike Holmgren did you leave your balls on the field?” To which he turned around and pulled down his pants and showed us all his Birth canal. Making Seattle this weeks Birth Canal team of the week.
Final Score the Shehawks 6 the WCNYFG 44. Wow 6 points? Really?
Next we will stroll south to Carolina and find this week’s crappy game on CBS. Maybe if Kansas City would have actually showed up for the game, it might have been better. But they have not shown up for a game in the last year. This is just sad, the Chiefs have won one game since Oct 21, 2007. Yes, that is almost a year. Thanks Herm Edwards. Your brand of football is terrible. And we just don’t understand how you get to keep your job. We guess you will not lose next week as your team has a bye.
Final Score Chiefs 0 and the Panthers 34. Crappy just doesn’t describe how bad it was.
Next we find ourselves talking about the crappy game on Fox, and heading up to Detroit, everyone stay together. We certainly do not want to lose anyone here. So after 8 years the Lions decided the best way to be a better was to fire Matt Millen. So with that weighing on the minds of the players they went out and laid another egg in a loss to Da Bears Who knew that Lions laid eggs? Well they do and like moving the deck chairs on the Titanic the Lions changed their General Manager, and now their Quarterback. Jon Kitna is on the bench, probably where is belongs.
Final Score Da Bears 34 the Lions 7. Lions laying eggs? That’s funny. I don’t care who you are.
Now we will finally get to a football game as the undefeated Titans came to Baltimore to keep their streak alive. And with 6 minutes left the Titans find themselves down by 4 points. Kerry Collins showed why he is a backup as he led his team to 14 first downs and a total of 210 yards. But he did engineer a game winning drive of 80 yards, to score a touchdown with 2 minutes left. That gave Joe Flacco his shot at the 2 minute drill. That didn’t turn out very well as he threw an interception on the second play. Well better luck next time Baltimore.
Final score Titans 13 Ravens 10. Quote the Raven nevermore.
Next we will head into Green Bay AKA Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. The Packers found a new neighbor in the Falldowns of Atlanta. They were very nice to Michael Turner as he had 26 carries for 121 yards. Rogers had a nice game going 25 for 37 for 313 yards. But with no Brett Favre the Packers go down like Mr. McFeely on a drunken bender.
Final score Falldowns 27 the Packers 24. The Packer name is still funny after all this time.
Up next we find the Colts heading to the Hurricane ravaged city of Houston. Matt Schuab came up with a virus just before the game was about to start thus pushing back up Sage Rosenfels into the starting line up. Now as we have said for a while this game called football is 60 minutes long. And with 4 minutes left the winless Texans had a 27 to 17 lead over the Colts. But then the magic of Peyton Manning took over. Sage Rosenfels ran out of thyme has he fumbled twice and threw an interception in the final 4 minutes giving up 14 points, and losing the game. Wow what do you do with quarterbacks like that?
Finals Score the Colts 31 the Texans 27. 60 minutes people, the game is 60 minutes long.
Next we find time on the schedule to talk about Miami. The Chargers came to South Beach looking for love in all the wrong places. This was the sleeper game of the week as one could have taken a nap and not missed much, Norv Turner should have spent more time watching the film of the Dolphins game against New England last week. If so he might have been better prepared for this crazy “Wildcat formation” where Ronnie Brown is the quarterback. That is not a bad idea since your starter is Chad Pennington. Miami ran out to 17 points then took the rest of the day off. And the Chargers could only muster a touchdown in the second half.
Final score Chargers 10 the Dolphins 17. Hey the Dolphins you doubled last years win total at 2.
Next we head back up the coast to Philadelphia to find a tough NFC East Battle between the Redskins and the Eagles. Early in our nation’s history we bought this great land of ours from the Redskins, We made certain symbols to show our strength and courage as a nation, the Eagle being one of the greatest. But Ben Franklin wanted the Country’s symbol to be the Regal Turkey, which is exactly how the Eagles have been playing. So the Eagles invited the Redskins over for an early Thanksgiving Day feast. They served some cranberry sauce, you know out of the can, some mashed potatoes, Candied Yams, only this time the Bird the Redskins feasted on was Eagle.
Final score the Redskins 23 the Eagles 17. Well the Bird is the word if you know what I mean.
Now we will go to Colorado home of the Bronco’s and all things Denver. We are sure that everyone remembers that Denver was home to this year’s Democratic National Convention? It was widely considered the Greenest convention in the history of conventions. The Buccaneers came up to Denver and took in the sites and played a game. But this week even the magic of Jeff Garcia couldn’t survive the Bronco Fury… Bronco’s Fury? Hey Expo are we talking about that Television show Fury? Yea you know “Fury, about a horse and the Boy who loves him”? No? Then what Bronco Fury are we talking about? There was no Fury in Denver this week.
Final score the Tampa Bay 13 the Bronco’s 16. There is nothing Furious about 16 points.
Okay so let’s go to Ari-Freaking-Zona. The Cardinals hosted the undefeated Buffalo Bills who were looking forward to next week, their bye week. They traveled to the Valley of the Sun and found that the temperature was still in the 90’s so they thought that it was still July in Buffalo. And knowing that they don’t play in July they didn’t. Quarterback Trent Edwards lasted 3 plays. He played 3 plays before telling his coach that he couldn’t go any more. So in comes J.P Losman, who just looked “Lost in Arizona.” Kurt Warner didn’t look Lost as he we 33 for 42 for 250 yards. not bad for guy who is just keeping the seat warm until Matt Leinart gets ready to take his starting job back.
Final score was Bills 17 the Cardinals 41. Another cross country loss.
Now we will talk about the 49ers and their game against New England. The Patriots we so embarrassed by their play from 2 weeks ago against Miami they kept a low profile heading out to San Francisco. They traveled there in a several Volkswagen Buses to blend in to the hippie life style, Matt Cassel was seen putting on makeup to blend into the huh.. Humm... The Alternative lifestyle in the Bay area… huh Yea, that is a little awkward we think. Pats Coach Bill Belle-cheat said when asked about Cassel said, “Well he is from California so we can only guess that he knew what he was doing.” “Do I approve? Well I guess that it is not much different than putting lipstick on pig.”
Final Score the Pats 38 the 49ers 21. Finally a team that traveled across country and won.
Now for the final game during the day, the Ben-gals came to Dallas looking for their first win of the season. They left without it. Not because the Cowgirls played well. Let’s us just say, that there is a reason that Tony Romo was not drafted. Hey Tony quit throwing the ball to other team, 8 games with an interception, is not good. Winning 4 games out of 5 this season is. But this game was way too close. For God sake it is Cincinnati.
Final Score the Ben-Gals 22 the Cowgirls 31. Ho Humm. But they still won the game.
On Sunday the Pittsburg Steelers played against the Jacksonville Jaguars. In the Rematch of a playoff game from last year, but this game was different. In the playoffs last year the Jags scored right at the end to win, this week they let down and let the Steelers score with just moments left. So you know what Punt, Downs, Touchdown, Punt, Downs is? That is the way the Jaguars second half drives ended. Pittsburg has a way of making the game so boring that they lull the other team to sleep. Then they just win. But gosh it is ugly.
Final Score the Steelers 26 the Jaguars 21. Is it over yet? Thank God.
And finally we find the last game of the week in New Orleans. In this game we find that the NFL has given us a game with the Greatest Running Back in the history of the NFL, and the next Greatest Running Back in the history of the NFL, so let’s take a look at the stats. Reggie had 12 rushes for 29 yards with a long of 10. Making his true stats 11 carries for 19 yards, and he had a lost fumble. He also had 7 catches for 64 yards with a long of 21. That makes 6 catches for 43, and he had another lost fumble. He also had 5 punt returns which he ran back 2 for touchdowns. Not too bad. Adrian Peterson had 21 carries for 32 yards, with a long of 7, and only one catch for nine yards. But what this game came down to is Gus “the Mule” Frerotte, making a couple of plays to win the game, which he did.
Final score the Viqueens 30 the S-Aints 27. In a game that no one wanted to win, but someone had to.
Well there you go, again. This week is done, and we hope you enjoyed it as much as we did putting it together.
And remember like we always say.
See the tree, how big it's grown,
but friend, it hasn't been too long it wasn't big.
I laughed at her and she got mad,
the first day that she planted it was just a twig.
Then the first snow came and she ran
out to brush the snow away so it wouldn't die.
Came runnin' in all excited,s
lipped and almost hurt herself, I laughed 'til I cried.
She was always young at heart,
kind a dumb and kind a smart and I loved her so.
I surprised her with a puppy,
kept me up all Christmas eve two years ago.
And it would sure embarrass her when
I came home from working late 'cause I would know
that she'd been sittin' there cryin
over some sad and silly late, late show.
And Honey, I miss you and I'm being good.
And I'd love to be with you if only I could.
She wrecked the car and she was sad
and so afraid that I'd be mad but what the heck.
Though I pretended hard to be,
guess you could say she saw through me and hugged my neck.
I came home unexpectedly
and found her crying needlessly in middle of the day.
And it was in the early spring
when flowers bloom and Robins sing, she went away.
And Honey, I miss you and I'm being good.
And I'd love to be with you if only I could.
Yes, one day while I wasn't home,
while she was there and all alone, the angels came.
Now all I have is memories
of Honey, and I wake up nights and call her name.
Now my life's an empty stage
where Honey lived and Honey played and love grew up.
A small cloud passes over headand cries down in the flower bed that Honey loved.
And Honey, I miss you and I'm being good.
And I'd love to be with you if only I could.
See the tree, how big it's grown...
Well Week 5 is in the books and do you know what? Yes that is right Expo we have had 5 weeks played in the NFL. Oh my, is that what we pay you for? Thought provoking comments like that? Alright lets talk about who is off this week. Cleveland, and St Louis, but they haven’t been on this year, the New York Bretts, and the Oakland Raiders. These 4 teams have a total of 3 wins; I guess they all needed a bye. Expo let’s get started, Kick it!!!
We had difficulty finding the bottom, because there are so many choices. So when given the chance we will always find the bottom in New Jersey, and why wouldn’t we? Along time ago we told you that no team travels across the country and wins, this holds true this weekend for the most part. We have a little geography lesson, where is Seattle? That’s right in Washington State, and where is New Jersey? That’s right on the other side of the country. So if Seattle is going to play in New Jersey, then they will probably lose. And lose is what they did. Good thing the Seattle kicker Orlando Mare showed up or they would not have scored. The WCNYFG clawed and scratched their way thru the Shehawks defense, like an elephants thru a bag of peanuts. So as the Shehawks were getting back on the airplane to head home someone screamed “Hey Mike Holmgren did you leave your balls on the field?” To which he turned around and pulled down his pants and showed us all his Birth canal. Making Seattle this weeks Birth Canal team of the week.
Final Score the Shehawks 6 the WCNYFG 44. Wow 6 points? Really?
Next we will stroll south to Carolina and find this week’s crappy game on CBS. Maybe if Kansas City would have actually showed up for the game, it might have been better. But they have not shown up for a game in the last year. This is just sad, the Chiefs have won one game since Oct 21, 2007. Yes, that is almost a year. Thanks Herm Edwards. Your brand of football is terrible. And we just don’t understand how you get to keep your job. We guess you will not lose next week as your team has a bye.
Final Score Chiefs 0 and the Panthers 34. Crappy just doesn’t describe how bad it was.
Next we find ourselves talking about the crappy game on Fox, and heading up to Detroit, everyone stay together. We certainly do not want to lose anyone here. So after 8 years the Lions decided the best way to be a better was to fire Matt Millen. So with that weighing on the minds of the players they went out and laid another egg in a loss to Da Bears Who knew that Lions laid eggs? Well they do and like moving the deck chairs on the Titanic the Lions changed their General Manager, and now their Quarterback. Jon Kitna is on the bench, probably where is belongs.
Final Score Da Bears 34 the Lions 7. Lions laying eggs? That’s funny. I don’t care who you are.
Now we will finally get to a football game as the undefeated Titans came to Baltimore to keep their streak alive. And with 6 minutes left the Titans find themselves down by 4 points. Kerry Collins showed why he is a backup as he led his team to 14 first downs and a total of 210 yards. But he did engineer a game winning drive of 80 yards, to score a touchdown with 2 minutes left. That gave Joe Flacco his shot at the 2 minute drill. That didn’t turn out very well as he threw an interception on the second play. Well better luck next time Baltimore.
Final score Titans 13 Ravens 10. Quote the Raven nevermore.
Next we will head into Green Bay AKA Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. The Packers found a new neighbor in the Falldowns of Atlanta. They were very nice to Michael Turner as he had 26 carries for 121 yards. Rogers had a nice game going 25 for 37 for 313 yards. But with no Brett Favre the Packers go down like Mr. McFeely on a drunken bender.
Final score Falldowns 27 the Packers 24. The Packer name is still funny after all this time.
Up next we find the Colts heading to the Hurricane ravaged city of Houston. Matt Schuab came up with a virus just before the game was about to start thus pushing back up Sage Rosenfels into the starting line up. Now as we have said for a while this game called football is 60 minutes long. And with 4 minutes left the winless Texans had a 27 to 17 lead over the Colts. But then the magic of Peyton Manning took over. Sage Rosenfels ran out of thyme has he fumbled twice and threw an interception in the final 4 minutes giving up 14 points, and losing the game. Wow what do you do with quarterbacks like that?
Finals Score the Colts 31 the Texans 27. 60 minutes people, the game is 60 minutes long.
Next we find time on the schedule to talk about Miami. The Chargers came to South Beach looking for love in all the wrong places. This was the sleeper game of the week as one could have taken a nap and not missed much, Norv Turner should have spent more time watching the film of the Dolphins game against New England last week. If so he might have been better prepared for this crazy “Wildcat formation” where Ronnie Brown is the quarterback. That is not a bad idea since your starter is Chad Pennington. Miami ran out to 17 points then took the rest of the day off. And the Chargers could only muster a touchdown in the second half.
Final score Chargers 10 the Dolphins 17. Hey the Dolphins you doubled last years win total at 2.
Next we head back up the coast to Philadelphia to find a tough NFC East Battle between the Redskins and the Eagles. Early in our nation’s history we bought this great land of ours from the Redskins, We made certain symbols to show our strength and courage as a nation, the Eagle being one of the greatest. But Ben Franklin wanted the Country’s symbol to be the Regal Turkey, which is exactly how the Eagles have been playing. So the Eagles invited the Redskins over for an early Thanksgiving Day feast. They served some cranberry sauce, you know out of the can, some mashed potatoes, Candied Yams, only this time the Bird the Redskins feasted on was Eagle.
Final score the Redskins 23 the Eagles 17. Well the Bird is the word if you know what I mean.
Now we will go to Colorado home of the Bronco’s and all things Denver. We are sure that everyone remembers that Denver was home to this year’s Democratic National Convention? It was widely considered the Greenest convention in the history of conventions. The Buccaneers came up to Denver and took in the sites and played a game. But this week even the magic of Jeff Garcia couldn’t survive the Bronco Fury… Bronco’s Fury? Hey Expo are we talking about that Television show Fury? Yea you know “Fury, about a horse and the Boy who loves him”? No? Then what Bronco Fury are we talking about? There was no Fury in Denver this week.
Final score the Tampa Bay 13 the Bronco’s 16. There is nothing Furious about 16 points.
Okay so let’s go to Ari-Freaking-Zona. The Cardinals hosted the undefeated Buffalo Bills who were looking forward to next week, their bye week. They traveled to the Valley of the Sun and found that the temperature was still in the 90’s so they thought that it was still July in Buffalo. And knowing that they don’t play in July they didn’t. Quarterback Trent Edwards lasted 3 plays. He played 3 plays before telling his coach that he couldn’t go any more. So in comes J.P Losman, who just looked “Lost in Arizona.” Kurt Warner didn’t look Lost as he we 33 for 42 for 250 yards. not bad for guy who is just keeping the seat warm until Matt Leinart gets ready to take his starting job back.
Final score was Bills 17 the Cardinals 41. Another cross country loss.
Now we will talk about the 49ers and their game against New England. The Patriots we so embarrassed by their play from 2 weeks ago against Miami they kept a low profile heading out to San Francisco. They traveled there in a several Volkswagen Buses to blend in to the hippie life style, Matt Cassel was seen putting on makeup to blend into the huh.. Humm... The Alternative lifestyle in the Bay area… huh Yea, that is a little awkward we think. Pats Coach Bill Belle-cheat said when asked about Cassel said, “Well he is from California so we can only guess that he knew what he was doing.” “Do I approve? Well I guess that it is not much different than putting lipstick on pig.”
Final Score the Pats 38 the 49ers 21. Finally a team that traveled across country and won.
Now for the final game during the day, the Ben-gals came to Dallas looking for their first win of the season. They left without it. Not because the Cowgirls played well. Let’s us just say, that there is a reason that Tony Romo was not drafted. Hey Tony quit throwing the ball to other team, 8 games with an interception, is not good. Winning 4 games out of 5 this season is. But this game was way too close. For God sake it is Cincinnati.
Final Score the Ben-Gals 22 the Cowgirls 31. Ho Humm. But they still won the game.
On Sunday the Pittsburg Steelers played against the Jacksonville Jaguars. In the Rematch of a playoff game from last year, but this game was different. In the playoffs last year the Jags scored right at the end to win, this week they let down and let the Steelers score with just moments left. So you know what Punt, Downs, Touchdown, Punt, Downs is? That is the way the Jaguars second half drives ended. Pittsburg has a way of making the game so boring that they lull the other team to sleep. Then they just win. But gosh it is ugly.
Final Score the Steelers 26 the Jaguars 21. Is it over yet? Thank God.
And finally we find the last game of the week in New Orleans. In this game we find that the NFL has given us a game with the Greatest Running Back in the history of the NFL, and the next Greatest Running Back in the history of the NFL, so let’s take a look at the stats. Reggie had 12 rushes for 29 yards with a long of 10. Making his true stats 11 carries for 19 yards, and he had a lost fumble. He also had 7 catches for 64 yards with a long of 21. That makes 6 catches for 43, and he had another lost fumble. He also had 5 punt returns which he ran back 2 for touchdowns. Not too bad. Adrian Peterson had 21 carries for 32 yards, with a long of 7, and only one catch for nine yards. But what this game came down to is Gus “the Mule” Frerotte, making a couple of plays to win the game, which he did.
Final score the Viqueens 30 the S-Aints 27. In a game that no one wanted to win, but someone had to.
Well there you go, again. This week is done, and we hope you enjoyed it as much as we did putting it together.
And remember like we always say.
See the tree, how big it's grown,
but friend, it hasn't been too long it wasn't big.
I laughed at her and she got mad,
the first day that she planted it was just a twig.
Then the first snow came and she ran
out to brush the snow away so it wouldn't die.
Came runnin' in all excited,s
lipped and almost hurt herself, I laughed 'til I cried.
She was always young at heart,
kind a dumb and kind a smart and I loved her so.
I surprised her with a puppy,
kept me up all Christmas eve two years ago.
And it would sure embarrass her when
I came home from working late 'cause I would know
that she'd been sittin' there cryin
over some sad and silly late, late show.
And Honey, I miss you and I'm being good.
And I'd love to be with you if only I could.
She wrecked the car and she was sad
and so afraid that I'd be mad but what the heck.
Though I pretended hard to be,
guess you could say she saw through me and hugged my neck.
I came home unexpectedly
and found her crying needlessly in middle of the day.
And it was in the early spring
when flowers bloom and Robins sing, she went away.
And Honey, I miss you and I'm being good.
And I'd love to be with you if only I could.
Yes, one day while I wasn't home,
while she was there and all alone, the angels came.
Now all I have is memories
of Honey, and I wake up nights and call her name.
Now my life's an empty stage
where Honey lived and Honey played and love grew up.
A small cloud passes over headand cries down in the flower bed that Honey loved.
And Honey, I miss you and I'm being good.
And I'd love to be with you if only I could.
See the tree, how big it's grown...
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 4
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 4 2008
Well, look what we have here. Another week of Football and did anyone Notice that there were a few less games? Maybe you couldn’t find your favorite team’s score? That is because we had a couple of teams on their bye week. Who you ask? Detroit, but haven’t they been off all season? Indianapolis, Miami, New England, World Champion New York Football Giants, and huh??? Oh yea Seattle. Okay well there is nothing left to say but…. Hey Expo? Let’s do it???
First we will talk about the battle of Ohio. Is that best that Ohio can put out there for Professional football? This week the Bengals hosted the Browns and it turned out to be nothing absolutely nothing. We were wondering why this game didn’t end at half. And so were the Bengals. They probably wouldn’t have minded if the game had ended after the third quarter. But this is a game of 60 minutes and unfortunately for the Been-Gals the Browns showed up and found 17 points in fourth quarter. What we found is this week’s Birth canal team of the week. Thanks Marvin Lewis for making our job easy this week.
Final Score Browns 20 the Been-Gals 12. So how long have you Been-Gals?
Up next we stroll to Carolina to find the next screwed up a call by Ed Hockuli. The Ref did his best to keep the Atlanta Falldowns in the game, but alas talent won out again. Okay so Atlanta decided that if it was close at halftime that would be good enough. At 9 to 14 they were close, but then the Panthers came out in the second half and Atlanta was checking the MLB scores to see if the Braves were in the playoffs. They weren’t and it doesn’t look like the Falldowns will be either.
Final score the Falldowns 9 the Panthers 24. Hey Falldowns, how about you mix in a touchdown, huh?
Up next we find that the Ari-freaking-Zona Cardinals stayed on the East coast to make sure they were adjusted to the East coast time zone. Well thanks Coach Whisenhunt how in the world did we know that this was going to happen? Just because you are on the East coast did you think you were not the Cardinals? Maybe you were confused about who you were playing? Those funky blue uniforms that the Bretts sported were, well, in word awful. How does a team at home make all their home fans feel right at home by wearing the colors of, of…? Huh the Cooke Monster? What the hell? Are you on Sesame Street? Those uniforms should be burned. Despite the fact that Brett tossed 6 touchdown passes the Cardinals still lose. Good God this is only going to make the experts think that Brett can still play. Hey Brett you can take next week off okay?
Final Score the Cardinals 35 the Bretts 56. You guys are making Elmo happy…
Okay let’s stroll to the only other State with out a win and a team, Missouri. Welcome to Kansas City. Ever wonder how it feels to get pants in a different state? Denver Bronco’s played like they were coached by Lance-alot-Link. But no the Great Mike Shanahan is still their coach according to ESPN. But in this wacky AFC West we find that, without the Ref’s help, the Bronco’s lose. The Chiefs lay in waiting like they were dead until the Bronco’s arrived and then jumped up pulled down Shanahan’s britches and just laughed. Chiefs’ running back Larry Johnson has been telling coaches that he could carry the load, and they finally listened and he had 28 carries for 198 yards, very nice…
Final score Bronco’s 19 the Chiefs 33. Missouri has a win. Any one for 2?
Up next “The crappy game on Fox”. Okay so Gus Frerotte is the second coming of Vinnie Testeverde right? Well too bad for Minnesota that Vinnie never won a Superbowl. And it looks like the Viqueens will not win again this season. After showing up in Tennessee for a game on Sunday the Viqueens head back to the drawing board again. We heard they were looking for suggestions. Guess what, we have one. This game is built on points; score more than your opponents and you win usually. With that said this game might have been different had Minnesota scored more and had not let the Titians score as much.
Final score Viqueens 17 the Titans 30. Viqueens Lose Viqueens Lose. Anything else?
Let’s move back to Misery for the next game. The Buffalo Bills came Shuffling into St Louis trying to keep their winning streak alive and at halftime it looked bleak. But these are the Ewes and just because they fired their coach Scott Linehan doesn’t mean that they will be better with Jim Haslett. But it does mean that Mark Bulger can play again. Earlier in the week after Bulger was benched he stated that he would never play for Scott Linehan again. Well never say never, but it is safe to say that this season he will not play for Linehan again. So to sum this game up “The Crappy game on CBS” yuck. Typical Ewes game, they play and they lose. What a way to send your coach out the door.
Final score Bills 30 the Ewes 14. Out with the old and in with the older. Oh My.
Now we will head into the Hurricane ravaged city of New Orleans. With the 49ers coming to town the S-Aints were finding themselves in last place in the NFC South. A place they have become accustom to. But this is the 49ers. Who would be in last place of the NFC west were it not for the St Louis Ewes. So let’s take a peek. The Drunken Irishman J.T. O’Sullivan did his best to keep the 49ers close but Drew Brees threw through the wind of the superdome like there wasn’t any. Because there wasn’t any. Seeing that the S-Aints won Reggie must have had a great day, let’s take a look. Reggie had 10 carries for 31 yards with a long of 10 making your true stats 9 carries for 21 yards. At least he didn’t fumble. Then he had 5 catches for 7 yards with a long of 7 yards. Meaning that his true stats were 4 catches for 0 yards. 13 touches for 21 yards. Wow that is the kind of production the S-Aints needed for a win.
Final Score the 49ers 17 the S-Aints 31. Okay here we go. 1, 2, 3, Yuck...
Up next we head to Jacksonville. Last year the Texans got their quarterback Matt Schuab. And he showed why they got him. Looking at his stats Schuab was 29 of 40 for 307 yards he also had 5 rushes for 24 yards. Not bad, and we aren’t joking, we were just sure Matt was going to screw it up and we guess he ultimately did. It looks like when he was not allowed to go out for the coin flip in Overtime, Houston lost. Not only did they lose the flip but also the game, but not because Matt screwed it up. This was more of a case of David Garrard wanting the win.
Final Score in overtime Texans 27 the Jaguars 30. This was a good game.
Now we will turn our attention to the Lane Kiffin watch. This is a tug a war being played by Raider owner Al Davis and Coach Lane Kiffin. And we don’t know why? The Coach has done nothing to warrant this interference but this is Al “Velour Sweat Suit” Davis. Norv Turner can only watch and laugh as he sees what is going on in Oakland. Turner was the coach of Oakland in 2004 and 2005 with no success. But now he has suddenly found his winning formula has he has a good Quarterback, and an All-world Running back in LaDainian Tomlinson. The Raiders played hard in the first half as they ran up the score 15 to 0 still up after 3 quarters 15 to 3 the Raiders we holding on. But Then the Chargers decided to kick it up a notch and…. Bam points, 25 to 3 in the fourth and it was over… When we asked “What’s going on with Lane?” Huggy Bear whispered in our ear, “Word on the Street is… He is out of here soon but you didn’t hear that from me”.
Final Score the Chargers 28 the Raiders 18. And he didn’t make it to Tuesday.
And now we get to the biggest rivalry in Pro Football History. The Cowboys and Redskins could be the biggest rivalry in the NFL. But to have a rivalry each team must win every now and then. Well now the Redskins have won and we guess it is a now or a then. Jason Campbell had a nice day going 20 for 31 for 231 yards. Tony Romo was not so Romo-riffic but he did throw a touchdown to T.O. who oddly enough still wants the ball more. Hey T.O. catch the ball more and you might have more catches.
Final Score the Redskins 26 the Cowboys 24. Hail to the Redskins!
Finally we find the on again off again Chicago Bears at home against the on again off again Philadelphia Eagles. Last season the bears had a chance to win a game then lose a game. This year it appears that the Eagles will take that title. Looking at the game we find that Kyle Orton? Who the Hell is Kyle Orton? Let’s just see? Okay let’s look at him. Huh Played at Purdue? Purdue? Good Lord who goes to Purdue? Who? Drew Brees? With the S-Aints? Okay well anything else besides Purdue? Not much huh? Okay well we guess on this day that was enough to beat the Eagles.
Final Score the Eagles 20 Da Bears 24. Nice Game Kyle… but Purdue???
And finally we find ourselves on a Monday night in Pittsburg. Still reeling from the loss of Willie Parker, Steeler Rookie Rashard Mendenhall decided to go out and break his Shoulder. Not his Collar bone but his shoulder. Wow how odd. Hey who did Rashard play for in college? Purdue? Oh Illinois well we guess that is okay. There are times when a big Monday night game peaks our interest, but watching Pittsburg is like watching chicken lay eggs. There is a lot of effort and struggle for not much reward. Oh yea and far too many punts 15 to be exact.
Final Score the Ravens 20 the Steelers 23. And hell this game went to overtime.
Okay well that is it for this week. We want to say a big hello to everyone out there who appreciates what we try to do and for those who don’t… Well we will try harder next time.
And remember like we always say
Hey little sister what have you done,
Hey little sister who's the only one,
Hey little sister who's your superman,
Hey little sister who's the one you want,
Hey little sister shot gun!
It's a nice day to start again.
It's a nice day for a white wedding!
It's a nice day to start again.
Hey little sister who is it your with
Hey little sister what's your vice and wish?
Hey little sister shot gun, oh yeah
Hey little sister who's your superman
Hey little sister shot gun!
It's a nice day to start again.
It's a nice day for a white wedding!
It's a nice day to start again!
Owwwwww!
Pick it up!
Take me back home
Yeahhh!
Hey little sister what have you done
Hey little sister who's the only one (only one)
I've been away for so long (so long)
I've been away for so long (so long)
I let you go for so long
It's a nice day to start again.
Come on! It's a nice day for a white wedding!
It's a nice day to start again.
There is nothin' fair in this world
There is nothin' safe in this world
And there's nothin' sure in this world
And there's nothin' pure in this world
Look for something left in this world
Start again! Come on
It's a nice day for a white wedding
Woooohh!
It's a nice day to start again.
It's a nice day for a white wedding
It's a nice day to start again
Well, look what we have here. Another week of Football and did anyone Notice that there were a few less games? Maybe you couldn’t find your favorite team’s score? That is because we had a couple of teams on their bye week. Who you ask? Detroit, but haven’t they been off all season? Indianapolis, Miami, New England, World Champion New York Football Giants, and huh??? Oh yea Seattle. Okay well there is nothing left to say but…. Hey Expo? Let’s do it???
First we will talk about the battle of Ohio. Is that best that Ohio can put out there for Professional football? This week the Bengals hosted the Browns and it turned out to be nothing absolutely nothing. We were wondering why this game didn’t end at half. And so were the Bengals. They probably wouldn’t have minded if the game had ended after the third quarter. But this is a game of 60 minutes and unfortunately for the Been-Gals the Browns showed up and found 17 points in fourth quarter. What we found is this week’s Birth canal team of the week. Thanks Marvin Lewis for making our job easy this week.
Final Score Browns 20 the Been-Gals 12. So how long have you Been-Gals?
Up next we stroll to Carolina to find the next screwed up a call by Ed Hockuli. The Ref did his best to keep the Atlanta Falldowns in the game, but alas talent won out again. Okay so Atlanta decided that if it was close at halftime that would be good enough. At 9 to 14 they were close, but then the Panthers came out in the second half and Atlanta was checking the MLB scores to see if the Braves were in the playoffs. They weren’t and it doesn’t look like the Falldowns will be either.
Final score the Falldowns 9 the Panthers 24. Hey Falldowns, how about you mix in a touchdown, huh?
Up next we find that the Ari-freaking-Zona Cardinals stayed on the East coast to make sure they were adjusted to the East coast time zone. Well thanks Coach Whisenhunt how in the world did we know that this was going to happen? Just because you are on the East coast did you think you were not the Cardinals? Maybe you were confused about who you were playing? Those funky blue uniforms that the Bretts sported were, well, in word awful. How does a team at home make all their home fans feel right at home by wearing the colors of, of…? Huh the Cooke Monster? What the hell? Are you on Sesame Street? Those uniforms should be burned. Despite the fact that Brett tossed 6 touchdown passes the Cardinals still lose. Good God this is only going to make the experts think that Brett can still play. Hey Brett you can take next week off okay?
Final Score the Cardinals 35 the Bretts 56. You guys are making Elmo happy…
Okay let’s stroll to the only other State with out a win and a team, Missouri. Welcome to Kansas City. Ever wonder how it feels to get pants in a different state? Denver Bronco’s played like they were coached by Lance-alot-Link. But no the Great Mike Shanahan is still their coach according to ESPN. But in this wacky AFC West we find that, without the Ref’s help, the Bronco’s lose. The Chiefs lay in waiting like they were dead until the Bronco’s arrived and then jumped up pulled down Shanahan’s britches and just laughed. Chiefs’ running back Larry Johnson has been telling coaches that he could carry the load, and they finally listened and he had 28 carries for 198 yards, very nice…
Final score Bronco’s 19 the Chiefs 33. Missouri has a win. Any one for 2?
Up next “The crappy game on Fox”. Okay so Gus Frerotte is the second coming of Vinnie Testeverde right? Well too bad for Minnesota that Vinnie never won a Superbowl. And it looks like the Viqueens will not win again this season. After showing up in Tennessee for a game on Sunday the Viqueens head back to the drawing board again. We heard they were looking for suggestions. Guess what, we have one. This game is built on points; score more than your opponents and you win usually. With that said this game might have been different had Minnesota scored more and had not let the Titians score as much.
Final score Viqueens 17 the Titans 30. Viqueens Lose Viqueens Lose. Anything else?
Let’s move back to Misery for the next game. The Buffalo Bills came Shuffling into St Louis trying to keep their winning streak alive and at halftime it looked bleak. But these are the Ewes and just because they fired their coach Scott Linehan doesn’t mean that they will be better with Jim Haslett. But it does mean that Mark Bulger can play again. Earlier in the week after Bulger was benched he stated that he would never play for Scott Linehan again. Well never say never, but it is safe to say that this season he will not play for Linehan again. So to sum this game up “The Crappy game on CBS” yuck. Typical Ewes game, they play and they lose. What a way to send your coach out the door.
Final score Bills 30 the Ewes 14. Out with the old and in with the older. Oh My.
Now we will head into the Hurricane ravaged city of New Orleans. With the 49ers coming to town the S-Aints were finding themselves in last place in the NFC South. A place they have become accustom to. But this is the 49ers. Who would be in last place of the NFC west were it not for the St Louis Ewes. So let’s take a peek. The Drunken Irishman J.T. O’Sullivan did his best to keep the 49ers close but Drew Brees threw through the wind of the superdome like there wasn’t any. Because there wasn’t any. Seeing that the S-Aints won Reggie must have had a great day, let’s take a look. Reggie had 10 carries for 31 yards with a long of 10 making your true stats 9 carries for 21 yards. At least he didn’t fumble. Then he had 5 catches for 7 yards with a long of 7 yards. Meaning that his true stats were 4 catches for 0 yards. 13 touches for 21 yards. Wow that is the kind of production the S-Aints needed for a win.
Final Score the 49ers 17 the S-Aints 31. Okay here we go. 1, 2, 3, Yuck...
Up next we head to Jacksonville. Last year the Texans got their quarterback Matt Schuab. And he showed why they got him. Looking at his stats Schuab was 29 of 40 for 307 yards he also had 5 rushes for 24 yards. Not bad, and we aren’t joking, we were just sure Matt was going to screw it up and we guess he ultimately did. It looks like when he was not allowed to go out for the coin flip in Overtime, Houston lost. Not only did they lose the flip but also the game, but not because Matt screwed it up. This was more of a case of David Garrard wanting the win.
Final Score in overtime Texans 27 the Jaguars 30. This was a good game.
Now we will turn our attention to the Lane Kiffin watch. This is a tug a war being played by Raider owner Al Davis and Coach Lane Kiffin. And we don’t know why? The Coach has done nothing to warrant this interference but this is Al “Velour Sweat Suit” Davis. Norv Turner can only watch and laugh as he sees what is going on in Oakland. Turner was the coach of Oakland in 2004 and 2005 with no success. But now he has suddenly found his winning formula has he has a good Quarterback, and an All-world Running back in LaDainian Tomlinson. The Raiders played hard in the first half as they ran up the score 15 to 0 still up after 3 quarters 15 to 3 the Raiders we holding on. But Then the Chargers decided to kick it up a notch and…. Bam points, 25 to 3 in the fourth and it was over… When we asked “What’s going on with Lane?” Huggy Bear whispered in our ear, “Word on the Street is… He is out of here soon but you didn’t hear that from me”.
Final Score the Chargers 28 the Raiders 18. And he didn’t make it to Tuesday.
And now we get to the biggest rivalry in Pro Football History. The Cowboys and Redskins could be the biggest rivalry in the NFL. But to have a rivalry each team must win every now and then. Well now the Redskins have won and we guess it is a now or a then. Jason Campbell had a nice day going 20 for 31 for 231 yards. Tony Romo was not so Romo-riffic but he did throw a touchdown to T.O. who oddly enough still wants the ball more. Hey T.O. catch the ball more and you might have more catches.
Final Score the Redskins 26 the Cowboys 24. Hail to the Redskins!
Finally we find the on again off again Chicago Bears at home against the on again off again Philadelphia Eagles. Last season the bears had a chance to win a game then lose a game. This year it appears that the Eagles will take that title. Looking at the game we find that Kyle Orton? Who the Hell is Kyle Orton? Let’s just see? Okay let’s look at him. Huh Played at Purdue? Purdue? Good Lord who goes to Purdue? Who? Drew Brees? With the S-Aints? Okay well anything else besides Purdue? Not much huh? Okay well we guess on this day that was enough to beat the Eagles.
Final Score the Eagles 20 Da Bears 24. Nice Game Kyle… but Purdue???
And finally we find ourselves on a Monday night in Pittsburg. Still reeling from the loss of Willie Parker, Steeler Rookie Rashard Mendenhall decided to go out and break his Shoulder. Not his Collar bone but his shoulder. Wow how odd. Hey who did Rashard play for in college? Purdue? Oh Illinois well we guess that is okay. There are times when a big Monday night game peaks our interest, but watching Pittsburg is like watching chicken lay eggs. There is a lot of effort and struggle for not much reward. Oh yea and far too many punts 15 to be exact.
Final Score the Ravens 20 the Steelers 23. And hell this game went to overtime.
Okay well that is it for this week. We want to say a big hello to everyone out there who appreciates what we try to do and for those who don’t… Well we will try harder next time.
And remember like we always say
Hey little sister what have you done,
Hey little sister who's the only one,
Hey little sister who's your superman,
Hey little sister who's the one you want,
Hey little sister shot gun!
It's a nice day to start again.
It's a nice day for a white wedding!
It's a nice day to start again.
Hey little sister who is it your with
Hey little sister what's your vice and wish?
Hey little sister shot gun, oh yeah
Hey little sister who's your superman
Hey little sister shot gun!
It's a nice day to start again.
It's a nice day for a white wedding!
It's a nice day to start again!
Owwwwww!
Pick it up!
Take me back home
Yeahhh!
Hey little sister what have you done
Hey little sister who's the only one (only one)
I've been away for so long (so long)
I've been away for so long (so long)
I let you go for so long
It's a nice day to start again.
Come on! It's a nice day for a white wedding!
It's a nice day to start again.
There is nothin' fair in this world
There is nothin' safe in this world
And there's nothin' sure in this world
And there's nothin' pure in this world
Look for something left in this world
Start again! Come on
It's a nice day for a white wedding
Woooohh!
It's a nice day to start again.
It's a nice day for a white wedding
It's a nice day to start again
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