Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 3 2008
Well we are still getting going this season but that doesn’t mean that we didn’t have anything happening. We had things happen that we thought would never happen, and we had nothing happen when we thought that it would. If you are ready and we can wake up Expo, then we can get started. Expo are you awake? Okay let’s get going shall we? Kick it!!!
Starting at the bottom we find ourselves in Foxboro. Foxboro? Yes Foxboro, home of Clam chowder, baked beans and all things Patriotic. This was a blow out of epic proportion as the Dolphins came to town. The Pats sent out the call to Paul Revere. Miami running back Ronnie Brown went to Coach Parcells and told him that he would volunteer to take over for Chad Pennington at Quarterback and run the option. New England, when seeing this formation, thought that they were Boston College and the Dolphins were Florida State. When Paul Revere returned from his ride he whispered into Bele-Cheats ear “Cassel to Bishop Four”, which also means “Hello Birth Canal team of the week welcome New England.
Final Score was Dolphins 38 Pats 18. 1 if by Land; 2 if by Sea; 4 if by Ronnie Brown?
Up next we will be stay out of Missouri for this week and head to Atlanta. This week the Juggernaut Kansas City Chiefs took their show on the road. They packed up and headed to Atlanta to face the Falldowns. Okay so on to the game. A juggernaut? Really, but a Juggernaut is “an Advancing force that crushes everything in its path”. But the only thing being crushed is hopes of the Papooses back in KC. Hey Atlanta try beating a professional team? So far you have beaten Detroit and Kansas City. Who is next on your schedule St Louis?
Finals Score KC 14 the Falldowns 38. Is it Papooses or Papice?
Up next we find a game with two teams that had a combined record of 0 – 4. So you know that one team is going to get a win. Too bad it had to be the Shehawks. But it is understandable as the Ewes came to town. In a battle of Futility this crappy game on Fox delivered goods or the bads. Do you really want to know what happened? We didn’t think so. We mean if we expected anything from this game it would have been not to step in it. Thanks for the Warning.
Final Score the Ewes 13 the Shehawks 38. Is 0 and 16 in your Future?
Okay well next let’s go to the team that is as close to the bottom as you can get, Cincinnati. This week the traveling circus that is the Bengals arrived in New Jersey for a game with the World Champion New York Football Giants. Well it looked like Ellie was Carrying his team as he went 26 for 43. Now those are nice numbers. 8 different Receivers that is great as well. At least he didn’t get sacked. The Bengals are the Bengals and that is the only thing we can say.
Final Score the Bengals 23 the WCNYFG 26. The Bengals still have as many wins as a dead man.
Next we go to Washington and find the Cardinals who are 2 wins ahead of last year. Well we have been telling you for a while that teams can’t travel across the country and win. So the Cardinals took this to heart as they decided to only score in the second and third quarters, were they watching? Question of the day; what is Punt, Fumble, Interception, Punt, Punt? Can you guess? That is right the drives from the first and fourth quarters. So when you need to prove to yourselves that you can compete during the game, you go out and do that. They had every chance in the world to win the game but someone called from the Coaches box upstairs and reminded them that they are the Cardinals.
Final Score the Cardinals 17 the Redskins 24. Wonder if Matt Leinart would have helped?
Sometimes when all the stars line up and two inferior teams meet it turns out to be a good game. Not in the case of Detroit coming to San Francisco. Detroit is scoring at 19.6 points per game and they are giving up 37.6 points a game. Not so sure of your math? Let us tell you, yes, that is giving up two scores for every one you score. Nice huh? Well the trend continues when Detroit scores more than their opponents they win, so far they haven’t. A fun little did you know? Did you know that the Zoo in Detroit doesn’t have any doors on cages? True, even the animals know not to walk the streets after dark in Detroit.
Finals score the Lions 13 the 49ers 31. Still need 10 wins to get to 10 Jon Kitna…
And now we turn our attention to this week’s Crappy game on CBS. The Epic Battle of the Cleveland Browns traveling to the Baltimore to battle against the team that left Cleveland and went to Baltimore. Sound confusing? Well it is. A little history lesson first. Baltimore had a team that the owner decided to move. So in the middle of the night they loaded their trailer and headed West. Well apparently they ran out of gas and had to stop in Indiana, and there was no football in Baltimore. Years later the Cleveland Browns Owner decided that he wanted a new stadium so he moved his team to Baltimore, but funny thing is that he was not allowed to take any records, so the team had to start from scratch. A few years later the NFL decided to build a stadium in Cleveland and found that they could put a team back there and they did, after several discussions the NFL allowed the team to be called the Browns to honor the franchise that was there before. Now saying all that, let’s get to the game.
Final Score the New Browns 10 the Old Browns new Ravens 38. What the hell was that?
Now we will talk about the team that left Baltimore and aren’t they glad. You know what? We are just thinking that some how Peyton and Ellie have changed places. Do you think that big daddy Archie took a little of Ellie’s Spit and rubbed it on Peyton’s Tongue? Because Peyton has been playing like he has a bad taste in his mouth. First it was his knee but now he spiting like he has just had a poop flavored smoothie. Okay so with 41 minutes and 35 seconds of offense the Jaguars needed every second of it. To kick the final field goal to win the game. Imagine holding the ball 2 minutes for every one minute of your opponents. Huh haven’t we heard that stat before?
Final Score Jags 23 the Colts 21. Yes the Colts used to be in the Baltimore.
Okay we can now go to Minnesota to see if they could get a win at home. This week Head Coach Brad Childress decided to go with starting Quarterback Gus “the Mule” Frerotte. Huh we thought he died two years ago? Maybe that is when he signed with Minnesota, not much difference we guess. Well Carolina took control of the game as they poured on the points to lead 10 to nothing with 9:55 left in the second quarter. After the kickoff, the Panthers started to pack up and head back home. They pulled down the easy ups, folded their chairs, packed up the truck and started getting ready for next week. With Carolina gaining 40 yards the rest of the game shows us one thing: Minnesota can win a game when the other team quits before half. Nice game John Fox who were you getting ready for? Atlanta? Kansas City? Oh that is who is on the schedule next?
Final Score the Panthers 10 the Viqueens 20. Huh doubled up again?
Okay let’s stroll on over the Windy City and see how Chicago won its game this week. Well the Buccan Game was played in Chicago and we find our favorite Mexican Canadian Jeff Garcia sitting on the bench. Wow when John Gruden wanted to get Brett Favre for his Buc’s because he felt that Jeff Garcia just wasn’t going to get them past the playoffs so he striped Garcia of his starting job and handed it to Brian Griese. To his credit Gruden put the game in his hands and he came through, finally making losers of Da Bears 2 weeks in a row. So we guess that the Da Bears will not win one and lose one. It looks like win one and lose two. Not good really… But hey that is one more win than a corpse and the states of Michigan, Missouri, and Ohio.
Final Score Tampa Bay 27 Da Bears 24. Hey you guys got more wins than Wyoming too.
We will shuffle off to Buffalo next and find a very exciting game. The Oakland Raiders traveled from Oakland if you can imagine that. Oakland came with the doubts of a coaching staff, an ownership, and a quarterback. Former LSU quarterback JaMarcus Russell had a sterling day going 9 for 19. 9? 9 Completions is hardly note worthy except that it nearly beat the Bills. With 6 minutes to go the Raiders had a 23 to 14 lead when the offense became offensive. They were terrible, 3 plays for -2 yards and a punt. When all you need is a first down. Come on 2 rushes to the right and an incomplete pass to stop the clock? Well we can only guess that you might not get what you want, but you get what you need. And you needed to lose.
Final score the Raiders 23 the Bills 24. We can’t get no satisfaction.
Now we will talk about the sleeper game of the week. Did anyone see this game? We slept right through it. Houston is still in danger of not playing another game at home because of Hurricane Ike, but they are not playing on the road either. Of coarse they have not played on the road for a while. With Matt Schuab at the helm, what can the Texan ship do but sink? Let’s talk about Vince Young’s day. He had no incompletion on no attempts, but he did play with his etch-a-sketch and then built a fort with some Lincoln logs. All in all he had a great day. As the Titans win. This reminds us of the famous quote by famous French Mime Marcel Marceau. “ “.
Final Score Texans 12 the Titans 31. Kerry Collins? Really Kerry Collins?
Lets run back up to Philadelphia and find the Battle of Pennsylvania, this is a long fought battle that started sometime back in the 1700’s when Ben Franklin said something about Martha Washington’s hair. This caused George Washington to take out his wooden teeth and challenge Ben to a wrestling match. Good thing John Quincy Adams stepped in or the country might have turned out differently. On this years Battle it looked like Ben Roethlisberger said something about Donavan McNabb. Then an episode of Yo Momma broke out right there at the 50 yard line. But just when things were getting fun someone said something like “Yo Momma is so poor her face is on the front of the food stamp.” And all hell broke loose. It was a good thing as the game was not so interesting.
Final Score Steelers 6 the Eagles 10. 4 field goals, a touchdown and a safety. Yuck?
Okay finally in the last of the day games we find the New Orleans S-Aints traveled to Denver to play a game. Well they came they played and they lost. So let’s look at what the greatest Running back in the history of the NFL did. Reggie had 18 carries for 73 yards, with a long of 23 yards, and that makes the true stats 17 carries for 50 yards. He had a fumble that was returned 34 yards for a touchdown, that might come back to haunt them. Let’s look at receiving now, Reggie had 11 receptions for 73 with a long of 23 again, making his true stats 10 catches for 50 yards, but he failed on the 2 point conversion to tie the game and had a fumble after he caught the ball. Reggie also had 2 punt returns that netted 30 yards. We add that up to be 166 yards total and touched the ball 21 times. Better, but still no win.
Final score the S-Aints 32 the Bronco’s 34. how many touches does he need to get a win?
And finally on Sunday we find that the Dallas Cowboys went to Mr. Rogers Neighborhood for the Sunday night extravaganza. This was the game that never took place from last year. Mr. Rogers invited the Cowboys to the land of make believe as trolley took them thru the tunnel. After trading field goals Tony Romo showed why he is the starting Quarterback for the Cowboys has he continued to hand the ball off to Marion “the Barbarian” Barber and Felix “the Cat” Jones as they combined for 218 yards on 34 carries. Not bad. Green Bay didn‘t look bad they just didn’t look good. Not much else on this game but is that what we wanted last year?
Final Score the Cowboys 27 the Packers 16. The game wasn’t this close, and the Packers name still makes us giggle.
And Lastly on Monday we find that the New York Bretts have traveled across country to play the win less Chargers of San Diego. Let’s look at Brett’s stats, 30 of 42 for 271 yards not bad, but 2 interceptions and three sacks is. So the New York Bretts who were supposed to win 10 games this year are 1 and 2. So only 9 more wins to go. Norv Turner showed us that he can score like a sailor on leave. Not much else but we still see that you can’t travel across country and win, even if you are Brett Favre.
Final Score the Bretts 29 the Colts 48. Nice way to end the week we think.
Well that is it for this week. We hope that you enjoyed it as much as we did putting it together.
And remember like we always say…
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watchin' the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
and speak my point of view
But it's not sane, It's not sane
I just want someone to say to me oh, oh, oh, oh
I'll always be there when you wake yea, yea
Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today, hey
So stay with me and I'll have it made
And I don't understand why I sleep all day
And I start to complain that there's no rain
And all I can do is read a book to stay awake
And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape
escape......escape......escape......
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
ya don't like my point of view
ya think I'm insane
Its not sane......it's not sane.
I just want someone to say to me oh, oh, oh, oh
I'll always be there when you wake yea, yea
Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today, hey
So stay with me and I'll have it made
(I'll have it made
I'll have it made
You know we're really gonna, really gonna have it made
Gonna have it made
ahhh,ahhh, ahhh, ahhh)
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 2
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 2
Well here we are the end of the week 2. How do we get into the games this week? Huh, well we guess we will just start, okay? Expo? Are you ready? Expo? Expo? Where are you? What? I thought you were ready to go? No we don’t have an open? No we don’t. Do you remember an open? We don’t either. Just start the music.
Well let’s start at the bottom and this year the bottom seems to be in Missouri, or Misery as we like to call it. The Raiders came to Kansas City with several things in mind. A team looking for a win, a coach in a fight for his job, and an owner looking for his pants and/or walker well so far Kansas City has scored 18 points in 2 games, that is the easy math of 9 points a game, while giving up 40 points. Okay so you now see why this game was at the bottom. After 60 minutes of time the Chiefs had their coach Herm Lance-a lot Link Edwards head into the Teepee to check on a few things. The most important one being whether he has an outty or an Inny, just underneath his belly button. Right now it looks like an Inny as the Kansas City Chiefs are this weeks Birth Canal Team of the week.
Final score was Oakland 23 Kansas City 8. Would some please get Al Davis a robe?
Up next we will stay on the Bottom and just stroll to the other side of Misery, to St Louis. The World Champion New York Football Giants came to St Louis, played, and won. It was not even as close as the score indicated, and they won by 28. Ellie completed 5 passes per quarter for 260 yards. Pretty good. This game had all the interest of watching grass grow on an indoor field. We can only think of one word to describe this game.
Final Score was WCNYFG 41 the Ewes 13. Not going to call you the Rams until you play like it.
Well we might as well stay on the bottom has we head to Cincinnati. Home of the Bengals and all things crappy. The Titans blew in ready to play. And we mean blew as in Hurricane Ike. The Hurricane came and slapped the Bengals like “Ike did to Tina Tuner”. Vince Young had a great game for the Titans as his stats were huh… Huh now where were those stats? Okay here they are, and it shows that Vince Young had no passes intercepted, that is good. And, huh, no completions, that is not good. Doesn’t look good for Vince Young, but it looks worse for Marvin Lewis. Hey much more play like this and Bengals will be looking for a Coach.
Final Score was Titans 24 the Bengals 7. The same number of completions as a dead man.
Up next we will stay on the bottom and find Atlanta. The Buccaneers had a Buccan Game against the Atlanta Falldowns. After last week Atlanta thought that they might have a chance this year, but once again reality has set in. The Buccaneers favorite Mexican Canadian Jeff Garcia didn’t play in this game but his magic was not needed. The Falldowns Quarterback found life in the NFL is not fun when you aren’t playing against Detroit. 13 for 33 with 4 sacks and 2 interceptions huh, not good.
Final score was Falldowns 9 the Buccaneers 24. Welcome to the NFL Mr. Ryan.
Now we stay close to the bottom as we head into Detroit. Last year we told you that when Detroit scores more than their opponents they win, when they don’t they lose. We feel that this might become the mantra of Detroit. Well Jon Kitna guaranteed a 10 win season good luck with all that. So far after two games the Lions only need 10 more wins to get to 10 wins. Aaron Rogers tried to exercise the ghosts of Brett Favre in Detroit let’s see how he did: 24 of 38 for 328 yards for Rogers 22 of 36 for 254 yards per game. Huh? Pretty good against Detroit we guess.
Final score was Packers 48 the Lions 25. That Packers name just makes us giggle.
The next game at the bottom of this week’s schedule is found in Seattle of all places. Imagine if you will a team that won NFC West the last several years, with a coach who announced his retirement at the end of the year, and a team that started this season off with a loss. The Shehawks started the game by scoring 14 points in 7 minutes. Then they went on the score on 16 more points the rest of the game. The 49ers scored 33 points the rest of the game including overtime. A much better showing than last week game for the 49ers..
Final score the 49ers 33 the Shehawks 30. In a word Yuck.
And now we turn our sights to the week’s crappy game on CBS. The Miami Dolphins traveled out of their home and into the dessert of Ari-Freaking-Zona. And has we all know Dolphins can’t live in a Dessert. They need… What? Yes it is. It’s a proven fact. Yes we saw it on the discovery channel show about animals living in other environments, you know like those people living in Wyoming. They have grown accustom to that environment and if any took them out of that area and moved them to some place like say Alabama, they would surely die. So if you take the Dolphins out of the water and into the desert then they will die, kind of like they did on Sunday. With the day the Cardinals had we should be able to find some great stats? Matt Leinart was 1 for 2 for 15 yards wow, isn’t that great?
Final Score Miami 10 the Cardinals 31. Thanks God no one had to watch this game.
Well we guess we should talk about the crappy game on Fox. Last year Da Bears found a way to win a game then lose a game. So this year is different right? Last week the Bears had a new Quarterback, Kyle Orton, a new running back, Matt Forte, and the same old win one lose one. So after charging out to a 17 to 3 lead Da Bears allowed Jake Delhomme to shape and mold them in to mediocre team of one win and one loss. There is only one word that we could use to describe this game…
Final score Da Bears 17 the Panthers 20. We guess next week the Bears will win.
Finally getting away from the bottom we find ourselves in Washington. The New Orleans Saints came to Washington like Mr. Smith, with bright ideas, and lots of integrity. Lets take a look at the greatest Running back in the History of the NFL Reggie had 10 carries for 28 yards with a long of 9 yards making his true stats 9 carries for 19 yards. Wow, with production like that how can the Saints lose? His Receiving stats were 7 catches for 63 yards with a long of 14 yards, making the actual stats 6 for 49 yards. Can you believe that production? 17 touches a game, huh I wonder how much of the defensive game plan there was to stop Reggie Bush? We know we know. He had a punt return for 55 yards and a touchdown, but did you see the taunting he did on the way to the end zone? The referee did and he flagged our beloved Reggie for taunting. 15 yards, so what do we take that yardage off of? Well after the extra point the S-Aints didn’t score again while the Redskins scored 14 to win the game.
Final score S-Aints 25 the Redskins 29. Hey Reggie, God doesn’t like ugly.
For some reason we find that Jacksonville is next on this stroll. So okay let us get this straight, last year the Jacksonville Jaguars were thought to have the best chance to beat the undefeated Patriots, but they didn’t and now they don’t win at all. Buffalo is not proving our theory that you can’t travel across country and win. Huh unless you are traveling to Florida. We yawned and missed most of this game. Jacksonville can’t seem to get out of their on way at the moment.
Final score Buffalo 20 Jacksonville 16. Yawn did someone say it was time for a nap?
Now is the time when we talk about the game with the Viqueens. Indy came to town looking for a win and found one. After the Viqueens ran out to a 15 point lead they decided to lay down on the field and let Peyton Manning do his magic. Tarvaris Jackson proved why he can’t play in the NFL for now, by completing 14 passes all day. We aren’t sure he even completed a pass in warm ups. If it wasn’t for Adrian Peterson the Viqueens would not have had any offense, Ryan Longwell showed us all why he didn’t take kicking lessons from Heather Mills. But if he had made a 48 yard field goal in the fourth this game might have turned out differently.
Final score The Colts 18 the Viqueens 15. Missed it by this much.
Up next we go to New England home of the Patriots. As well said earlier God don’t like ugly and God has not smiled on the Patriots. But God has really frowned on the New York Bretts. The Brett Favre lead New York team thought they had everything under control, with Tom Terrific out for the season the AFC East theirs for taking. But not too fast there Bretty boy. There is an old saying to be the man you have to beat the man and this week you didn’t beat the man, you just got beat. If you smell what Expo is cooking. What? What? Yes we are raising our eyebrow, but only above one eye.
Final score the Bretts 10 the Patriots 19. OOOOHHHHH Yea!!!!!
And finally the last game of the afternoon we head to Denver. In Denver we find a hard fought AFC West battle. Denver did everything it could to get to a 31 to 17 point lead at halftime, but then decided to take the second half off as the Chargers roared back to a lead 38 to 31. Then Ed Hockuli could not stand it any longer as he took the game into his own hands. Who is Ed Hockuli you ask? He was the head official during the game who with just moments to go decided to blow the whistle at the most inopportune time. Taking away a fumble and the ball and giving it back to Denver. And with new life Denver stuck in the end zone then without even thinking twice they went for 2. 2? Yes 2 and made it. Huh, somebody finally wanted to win a game? Too bad it was Mike Shanahan. And now the worst thing in the world has happened.
Final score was the Chargers 38 the Broncos 39. Oh no Norv Turner is 0 and 2.
Finally on Sunday we find the Sunday night game we had an AFC North Battle of familiar foes. Pittsburg and Cleveland did all they could to set football back 30 years. Good Lord we have seen better games of Bingo down at the nursing home. We mean come on, 12 of 19 for 186 yards with no interceptions is not good unless you play in New Jersey maybe? Well golden boy Derek Anderson stunk it up just as bad going 18 for 32 for 166 yards. So with a 10 point lead the Steelers packed it up and called it a night. With only the Browns on the field for most of the second half they could only manage 6 points.
Final score the Steelers 10 the Browns 6. Hey Romeo Cornell, trying mixing in a win huh?
On Monday we had what could have been the best game of the week the Cowboys showed everyone why they thought they would go to the Superbowl but not so fast, as we all know they must win a game in the playoffs before they can get to Superbowl. We have a question for you? What are Punt, TD, Fumble, Punt, and turnover on downs? Philadelphia’s second half drives. This game reminds us of the Quote from Former US Secretary of State John Mitchell “You can’t pick cherries with your back to the tree.” Not sure why we remembered that but we did. So Tony was a little Romo-Riffic this week as he was 21 of 30 for 312 yards. Not bad and T.O. found the end zone for the 132nd time that makes him second on the all time list of Touchdowns receptions.
Final Score the Eagle 37 the Cowboys 41. We got our popcorn ready with lots of butter.
Well that is it, hopefully you have enjoyed this as much as we have putting it together. This week we are one game short as Hurricane Ike ruined Houston’s game with Baltimore. That will be rescheduled later. So until next week…
Remember like we always say….
I was coming to the end of a long, long walk
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box
Under the E. Street Bridge
Followed me on to it
I went out halfway across
With that homeless shadow tagging along
So I dug for some change
Wouldn't need it anyway
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed
He said, "You know, I haven't always been this way"
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that plane ride coming home from the war
That summer my son was born
And memories like a coat so warm
A cold wind can't get through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
I stood there tryin' to find my nerve
Wondering if a single soul on Earth
Would care at all
Miss me when I'm gone
That old man just kept hanging around
Lookin' at me, lookin' down
I think he recognized
That look in my eyes
Standing with him there I felt ashamed
I said, You know, I haven't always been this way
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like the day I walked away from the wine
For a woman who became my wife
And a love that, when it was right,
Could always see me through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight
That old man tells his story one more time
He saysI've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge
When a young man almost ended it
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit
And I helped to pull him through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
I've had my moments
I've had my moments
Well here we are the end of the week 2. How do we get into the games this week? Huh, well we guess we will just start, okay? Expo? Are you ready? Expo? Expo? Where are you? What? I thought you were ready to go? No we don’t have an open? No we don’t. Do you remember an open? We don’t either. Just start the music.
Well let’s start at the bottom and this year the bottom seems to be in Missouri, or Misery as we like to call it. The Raiders came to Kansas City with several things in mind. A team looking for a win, a coach in a fight for his job, and an owner looking for his pants and/or walker well so far Kansas City has scored 18 points in 2 games, that is the easy math of 9 points a game, while giving up 40 points. Okay so you now see why this game was at the bottom. After 60 minutes of time the Chiefs had their coach Herm Lance-a lot Link Edwards head into the Teepee to check on a few things. The most important one being whether he has an outty or an Inny, just underneath his belly button. Right now it looks like an Inny as the Kansas City Chiefs are this weeks Birth Canal Team of the week.
Final score was Oakland 23 Kansas City 8. Would some please get Al Davis a robe?
Up next we will stay on the Bottom and just stroll to the other side of Misery, to St Louis. The World Champion New York Football Giants came to St Louis, played, and won. It was not even as close as the score indicated, and they won by 28. Ellie completed 5 passes per quarter for 260 yards. Pretty good. This game had all the interest of watching grass grow on an indoor field. We can only think of one word to describe this game.
Final Score was WCNYFG 41 the Ewes 13. Not going to call you the Rams until you play like it.
Well we might as well stay on the bottom has we head to Cincinnati. Home of the Bengals and all things crappy. The Titans blew in ready to play. And we mean blew as in Hurricane Ike. The Hurricane came and slapped the Bengals like “Ike did to Tina Tuner”. Vince Young had a great game for the Titans as his stats were huh… Huh now where were those stats? Okay here they are, and it shows that Vince Young had no passes intercepted, that is good. And, huh, no completions, that is not good. Doesn’t look good for Vince Young, but it looks worse for Marvin Lewis. Hey much more play like this and Bengals will be looking for a Coach.
Final Score was Titans 24 the Bengals 7. The same number of completions as a dead man.
Up next we will stay on the bottom and find Atlanta. The Buccaneers had a Buccan Game against the Atlanta Falldowns. After last week Atlanta thought that they might have a chance this year, but once again reality has set in. The Buccaneers favorite Mexican Canadian Jeff Garcia didn’t play in this game but his magic was not needed. The Falldowns Quarterback found life in the NFL is not fun when you aren’t playing against Detroit. 13 for 33 with 4 sacks and 2 interceptions huh, not good.
Final score was Falldowns 9 the Buccaneers 24. Welcome to the NFL Mr. Ryan.
Now we stay close to the bottom as we head into Detroit. Last year we told you that when Detroit scores more than their opponents they win, when they don’t they lose. We feel that this might become the mantra of Detroit. Well Jon Kitna guaranteed a 10 win season good luck with all that. So far after two games the Lions only need 10 more wins to get to 10 wins. Aaron Rogers tried to exercise the ghosts of Brett Favre in Detroit let’s see how he did: 24 of 38 for 328 yards for Rogers 22 of 36 for 254 yards per game. Huh? Pretty good against Detroit we guess.
Final score was Packers 48 the Lions 25. That Packers name just makes us giggle.
The next game at the bottom of this week’s schedule is found in Seattle of all places. Imagine if you will a team that won NFC West the last several years, with a coach who announced his retirement at the end of the year, and a team that started this season off with a loss. The Shehawks started the game by scoring 14 points in 7 minutes. Then they went on the score on 16 more points the rest of the game. The 49ers scored 33 points the rest of the game including overtime. A much better showing than last week game for the 49ers..
Final score the 49ers 33 the Shehawks 30. In a word Yuck.
And now we turn our sights to the week’s crappy game on CBS. The Miami Dolphins traveled out of their home and into the dessert of Ari-Freaking-Zona. And has we all know Dolphins can’t live in a Dessert. They need… What? Yes it is. It’s a proven fact. Yes we saw it on the discovery channel show about animals living in other environments, you know like those people living in Wyoming. They have grown accustom to that environment and if any took them out of that area and moved them to some place like say Alabama, they would surely die. So if you take the Dolphins out of the water and into the desert then they will die, kind of like they did on Sunday. With the day the Cardinals had we should be able to find some great stats? Matt Leinart was 1 for 2 for 15 yards wow, isn’t that great?
Final Score Miami 10 the Cardinals 31. Thanks God no one had to watch this game.
Well we guess we should talk about the crappy game on Fox. Last year Da Bears found a way to win a game then lose a game. So this year is different right? Last week the Bears had a new Quarterback, Kyle Orton, a new running back, Matt Forte, and the same old win one lose one. So after charging out to a 17 to 3 lead Da Bears allowed Jake Delhomme to shape and mold them in to mediocre team of one win and one loss. There is only one word that we could use to describe this game…
Final score Da Bears 17 the Panthers 20. We guess next week the Bears will win.
Finally getting away from the bottom we find ourselves in Washington. The New Orleans Saints came to Washington like Mr. Smith, with bright ideas, and lots of integrity. Lets take a look at the greatest Running back in the History of the NFL Reggie had 10 carries for 28 yards with a long of 9 yards making his true stats 9 carries for 19 yards. Wow, with production like that how can the Saints lose? His Receiving stats were 7 catches for 63 yards with a long of 14 yards, making the actual stats 6 for 49 yards. Can you believe that production? 17 touches a game, huh I wonder how much of the defensive game plan there was to stop Reggie Bush? We know we know. He had a punt return for 55 yards and a touchdown, but did you see the taunting he did on the way to the end zone? The referee did and he flagged our beloved Reggie for taunting. 15 yards, so what do we take that yardage off of? Well after the extra point the S-Aints didn’t score again while the Redskins scored 14 to win the game.
Final score S-Aints 25 the Redskins 29. Hey Reggie, God doesn’t like ugly.
For some reason we find that Jacksonville is next on this stroll. So okay let us get this straight, last year the Jacksonville Jaguars were thought to have the best chance to beat the undefeated Patriots, but they didn’t and now they don’t win at all. Buffalo is not proving our theory that you can’t travel across country and win. Huh unless you are traveling to Florida. We yawned and missed most of this game. Jacksonville can’t seem to get out of their on way at the moment.
Final score Buffalo 20 Jacksonville 16. Yawn did someone say it was time for a nap?
Now is the time when we talk about the game with the Viqueens. Indy came to town looking for a win and found one. After the Viqueens ran out to a 15 point lead they decided to lay down on the field and let Peyton Manning do his magic. Tarvaris Jackson proved why he can’t play in the NFL for now, by completing 14 passes all day. We aren’t sure he even completed a pass in warm ups. If it wasn’t for Adrian Peterson the Viqueens would not have had any offense, Ryan Longwell showed us all why he didn’t take kicking lessons from Heather Mills. But if he had made a 48 yard field goal in the fourth this game might have turned out differently.
Final score The Colts 18 the Viqueens 15. Missed it by this much.
Up next we go to New England home of the Patriots. As well said earlier God don’t like ugly and God has not smiled on the Patriots. But God has really frowned on the New York Bretts. The Brett Favre lead New York team thought they had everything under control, with Tom Terrific out for the season the AFC East theirs for taking. But not too fast there Bretty boy. There is an old saying to be the man you have to beat the man and this week you didn’t beat the man, you just got beat. If you smell what Expo is cooking. What? What? Yes we are raising our eyebrow, but only above one eye.
Final score the Bretts 10 the Patriots 19. OOOOHHHHH Yea!!!!!
And finally the last game of the afternoon we head to Denver. In Denver we find a hard fought AFC West battle. Denver did everything it could to get to a 31 to 17 point lead at halftime, but then decided to take the second half off as the Chargers roared back to a lead 38 to 31. Then Ed Hockuli could not stand it any longer as he took the game into his own hands. Who is Ed Hockuli you ask? He was the head official during the game who with just moments to go decided to blow the whistle at the most inopportune time. Taking away a fumble and the ball and giving it back to Denver. And with new life Denver stuck in the end zone then without even thinking twice they went for 2. 2? Yes 2 and made it. Huh, somebody finally wanted to win a game? Too bad it was Mike Shanahan. And now the worst thing in the world has happened.
Final score was the Chargers 38 the Broncos 39. Oh no Norv Turner is 0 and 2.
Finally on Sunday we find the Sunday night game we had an AFC North Battle of familiar foes. Pittsburg and Cleveland did all they could to set football back 30 years. Good Lord we have seen better games of Bingo down at the nursing home. We mean come on, 12 of 19 for 186 yards with no interceptions is not good unless you play in New Jersey maybe? Well golden boy Derek Anderson stunk it up just as bad going 18 for 32 for 166 yards. So with a 10 point lead the Steelers packed it up and called it a night. With only the Browns on the field for most of the second half they could only manage 6 points.
Final score the Steelers 10 the Browns 6. Hey Romeo Cornell, trying mixing in a win huh?
On Monday we had what could have been the best game of the week the Cowboys showed everyone why they thought they would go to the Superbowl but not so fast, as we all know they must win a game in the playoffs before they can get to Superbowl. We have a question for you? What are Punt, TD, Fumble, Punt, and turnover on downs? Philadelphia’s second half drives. This game reminds us of the Quote from Former US Secretary of State John Mitchell “You can’t pick cherries with your back to the tree.” Not sure why we remembered that but we did. So Tony was a little Romo-Riffic this week as he was 21 of 30 for 312 yards. Not bad and T.O. found the end zone for the 132nd time that makes him second on the all time list of Touchdowns receptions.
Final Score the Eagle 37 the Cowboys 41. We got our popcorn ready with lots of butter.
Well that is it, hopefully you have enjoyed this as much as we have putting it together. This week we are one game short as Hurricane Ike ruined Houston’s game with Baltimore. That will be rescheduled later. So until next week…
Remember like we always say….
I was coming to the end of a long, long walk
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box
Under the E. Street Bridge
Followed me on to it
I went out halfway across
With that homeless shadow tagging along
So I dug for some change
Wouldn't need it anyway
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed
He said, "You know, I haven't always been this way"
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that plane ride coming home from the war
That summer my son was born
And memories like a coat so warm
A cold wind can't get through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
I stood there tryin' to find my nerve
Wondering if a single soul on Earth
Would care at all
Miss me when I'm gone
That old man just kept hanging around
Lookin' at me, lookin' down
I think he recognized
That look in my eyes
Standing with him there I felt ashamed
I said, You know, I haven't always been this way
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like the day I walked away from the wine
For a woman who became my wife
And a love that, when it was right,
Could always see me through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight
That old man tells his story one more time
He saysI've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge
When a young man almost ended it
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit
And I helped to pull him through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
I've had my moments
I've had my moments
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 1
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 1
Here we are again the start of another season all we have now is 17 more weeks and 256 games to go until the playoffs. But it is the journey that is most important, and the most important step in any journey is the first so let’s get it going. Okay does everyone remember Expo? He is our over zealous, sometimes pointing out the obvious notes for us, teammate. He is the one that picks the tunes and gets us going. So in the fine NFL Tradition and for the first time in a while… Hey Expo, Kick it!!!
First up we start at the home of the defending Superbowl champions, and the dead Jimmy Hoffa, the Meadowlands of New Jersey. The New York Football Giants welcomed the Washington Redskins for a special Thursday night game to start the season. There are lots of things that left handed people have done like become President like Harry Truman, or were great people like Joan of Arc, or HG Wells. Even Quarterbacks like Norman Esiason (Boomer) and Kenny Stabler but the one thing they didn’t do was win their head coaching debut. Sorry Jim Zorn. Ellie built on last years success by completing 19 passes for 216 yards Wow that is almost 5 completions a quarter. And neither team scored in the second half.
Final Score the Deadskins 7 NYFG 16. Is that really the start of the season? Really?
Up next as usual we find ourselves at the bottom, and the bottom this week is in Philadelphia. Well not exactly the Eagles but the St Louis Ewes. We can’t call you Rams just yet. Last year we cut you guys some slack because of injuries. This year? Not at all. With more punts than first downs, 10 punts 8 first downs, we find that Philly has shaved you until there is only a little soft patch of fur left. Hey Andy Reid thanks for not going Brazilian on them. Welcome to the Gateway city our fist Birth Canal Team of the week.
Final Score was The Ewes 3 Philly 38. Wow. Do you have to pay for that shaving?
We will move up and to the right just a bit and find Buffalo? Yes the Buffalo Bills invited the Seattle Shehawks to town. However the Shehawks must have thought that the game was in Canada as they didn’t show up until the second quarter, then played awful, and then left town with a bad taste in their mouth, a loss. The one stat that everyone should know is that both teams had a total of 20 punts. Wow a couple of Yawns and one good stretch from a Sunday nap.
Final Score was Shehawks 10 the Bills 34. Did we miss it? We just closed our eyes for a second.
Well let’s move to the right a little more and find Foxboro. So Tom Brady didn’t take a snap in the preseason, so let’s see how he did 7 for 11 for 76 yards, huh not too bad. No Sacks or interceptions, okay not bad. He looks like he played a couple of series not bad for his first preseason game. What? Expo we know it is not the preseason anymore that is what we call irony. Maybe if he played some in the preseason maybe he would not have gotten hurt? That is the point we are trying to make, just like Aug the 7th Matt Cassel ran out on to the Field and held the Patriots winning streak in the regular season, but it was Kansas City. And if you can’t beat Kansas City with your back up quarterback then who can you beat? Tough luck Tom you are out for the season. So we will be watching the Pats this year as they spiral out of playoff picture possibly?
Final Score was Kansas City 10 New England 17. Wow still no visitor with a win.
Now we will share with you a rivalry that goes back to the 70’s. Nothing like old school football The Steelers of Pittsburg host the Oilers of Houston. Wow Bum Phillips and Earl Campbell against Franco Harris and Terry Bradshaw. Doesn’t it bring back memories? Yes? Yes? No we didn’t think so. We know that to have a rivalry each team has to win a game and that is not the case when Pittsburg and Houston get together. Well the more things change…. The more they stay the same… Well we can say that Matt Schuab showed again why he couldn’t play in Atlanta because he didn’t play in Pittsburg. Hey 25 of 33 is better than some this week? You think anyone in New Jersey would like to see 25 completions in one week?
Final Score was Texans 17 Steelers 38. Ho Hum, huh???? Okay it is over.
Advertisement: Hello this is Brian Billick and I just wanted to let everyone know I am taking my new job as serious as I did my old job. You see I coached really hard to get to 3 and 13 last year. I hope you enjoyed my commentary on the Tampa and New Orleans game look for me next week on the Sucky game of the week on Fox. Maybe I’ll be in Seattle.
Next we should go to the ravaged area know as New Orleans for this weeks Sucky game of the week on Fox. Gustav forced everyone in New Orleans to leave last week then return this weekend and now this is what we have to look forward to. We can only guess that the citizens of New Orleans will never unpack and every time the wind gets high they will head for high ground, but we guess almost any ground is higher than New Orleans. So let’s look at the game. The Greatest Running back in the history of the NFL gained 51 yards on 14 carries with a long of 26, the true stats being 13 carries for 25 yards. Hey that is almost 2 yards a carry. He also had 8 catches for 112 yards, with a long of 42 yards not that bad, but your true stats are 7 catches for 70 yards. But we have to say that was not a touchdown, but the official gave it to you so we will count it as well.
Final Score was Tampa Bay 20 New Orleans 24. Still no road wins…
Now we will talk about this week’s Sucky game on CBS, Cincinnati going to Baltimore. The best thing about Baltimore is not having to live there, or work there, basically never having to go there would be the best. And we can’t think of anything good about Cincinnati. So here we go… Carson Palmer had an Ellie Manning kind of day with a 10 of 25 for 99 yards, with 1 interception. Joe Flacco showed why Baltimore drafted him as he completed 15 of 29 passes for 129 yards. Did we mention that this was the Sucky game on CBS; the networks didn’t even have highlights of the game. Good thing we didn’t see this game Bad thing we had to tell you about it.
Final Score was Cincinnati 10 Baltimore 17. Expo can you get us some Pepto-Bismol?
As we stroll to Atlanta we find that the Detroit Lions are still, well, the Lions after finishing off last season with 1 win in the last 8 games. They started this season just where they finished last year, losing. Not only were they the visiting team but well they are from Detroit, so enough said. Michael Turner and Matt Ryan made their debut with the Atlanta Falldowns. Huh we mean Falcons. 220 yards for Turner is wonderful, and Ryan 9 of 13, not great, but with a running game like that you don’t need much passing.
Final Score was Lions 21 the Falcons 34. Still no road warrior winner…
Up next we stroll north and left to Tennessee for a little AFC South match up. The Jacksonville Jaguars came to Tennessee with the hope of a new season but the Titans were looking for the upset. With Vince Young going down to injury it didn’t look good for the Titans. But it was the Jaguars who folded like a cheap tarp. David Garrard did his best impersonation of like Gil Gerard or David Carr, going 23 for 35 with 7 sacks. Quite honestly we have seen better moves from a statue. Well this game should have been played on the Thanksgiving as most people, even those in attendance fell asleep. Crap it looked like a soccer game suddenly broke out.
Final score was Jacksonville 10 Titans 17. Another home team wins.
And now for something completely different The New York Bretts packed up and headed to Miami to take on the new coach Bill Parcells. This tough, hard hitting, AFC East game was more anticipated than Christmas morning by 5 year olds. So let’s look at what CBS called their number one game, as they sent Phil Sims and Jim Nance to cover the match up of Brett Farve against Chad Pennington. A funny thing happened. The New York Bretts won a game, and the Miami Doll-pins lost one. All summer long we have heard about things changing in Miami, well they could still win 2 games this season, which would double last years total. Let us take a look at Farve’s numbers 15 of 22 for 194 yards with a long of 56 for a touchdown then flung up a punt on fourth down and 13 when he should not have been on the field, so if that prayer is not answered he loses another 22 yards and that makes his true stats 13 receptions for 116 yards. Very Super Bowl MVP like wouldn’t you say?
Final score was New York Bretts 20 Miami 14. Hey Bill why didn’t you sign Chris Sims?
Let’s go all the way across country and find the San Diego Chargers taking on the Carolina Panthers. Now we have told you that teams can’t travel across the country and win. But Jake Delhomme wasn’t told about that stat. And let us just say that this game is 60 minutes long not 57:33. Charger Coach Nov Turner scored then smoked a cigarette turned over and took a nap. But that Panthers drove down the field like a hot knife thru butter and scored with no time on the clock. Leaving the crowd stunned and feeling violated. So the Panthers scored, kicked the extra point, went to the locker room took a shower, put on their clothes and left a twenty dollar bill on the sink and snuck out the back of the stadium.
Final score was the Panthers 26 the Chargers 24. Hey a road team wins!
Up next we will stay on the West coast sort of. We will stay in Ari-Freaking-Zona. The San Francisco 49ers came to town hoping to get a win. And everyone knows what happens when you hope in one hand and huh… humm… Well in the other hand you huh? Well you see you sit on the, huh… Well let’s just say that everyone knows what happens. So let’s talk about the game a little, Matt Leinart had a great game lets just look at the stats he was huh well with no attempts he had no completions. Huh, well, he made no mistakes we guess, except for signing with the Cardinals. Cardinals Win Cardinals Win, it just doesn’t sound right does it?
Final Score the Cardinals 23 the 49ers 13. Wow another road win will the madness end?
We go next to Cleveland. We know Expo, but we have to go there 8 times a year, so let’s get on with it. Cleveland ended last season just out of the playoff picture. But this year they have highest of expectations, so high that they invited the Cowboys over for an opening weekend game. They treated the Cowboys to so wide open field not much coverage as Tony was Romo-rific. Romo lead the Boys to 487 yards of offense, and 30 first downs nice, Cleveland looks more and more like the mistake by the lake.
Final Score the Cowboys 28 the Browns 10. Oh no not again.
And finally on Sunday we find the christianing of the new stadium in Indianapolis. In a rematch of the Superbowl from a couple of years ago we find the Chicago Bears lumbering to town looking for revenge. And you know what they say Revenge, it is best served cold, like that cold soup from Russia. Well since this was the Sunday night game and Peyton Manning is a genius, we were reminded of the Joe Theisman quote “The word “Genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is someone like Norman Einstein” What? We can only guess that is why he is out of a job. Okay well Da Bears got their revenge, but we bet they wished they had started Kyle Horton in the Superbowl instead.
Final score Da Bear 29 the Colts 13. Ditka would be proud.
On Monday we had two matchups on this crazy first week. We will start in Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. After the whole off season and the Brett Favre issues the Packers, that name is so funny to us, stayed the course and chose Aaron Rogers to lead their team to the Promised Land. The Viqueens came to town knowing that they would not be the greatest pressure on Mr. Rogers that Brett Farve would be. And they just hoped that they could sneak in and steal a win like the last 5 games. But alas these are the Viqueens and even the great Adrian Peterson could not garner a win. Let’s look at Mr. Rogers Stats 18 of 22 for 178 and a touchdown. Not bad following Brett Farve.
Final score was Viqueens 19 the Packers 24. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
And finally we get to get right back to the bottom where we started. Only this time the bottom is Oakland. The Bronco’s came to town out to prove a point. The point their Diabetic Quarterback Jay Cutler was better than the Raider old owner Al Davis. Cutler threw for 299 on 16 of 24. That means that he completed 2 out of every 3 passes not bad for someone with low blood sugar. If this is a rivalry game Oakland needs to win one every now and then.
Final score the Bronco’s 41 the Raiders 14. We think it was the Raider that got raided.
Well that will about do it for this week. Remember it is early. So we hope every one enjoys this as much as we did putting it together….
And remember like we always say…..
I've just closed my eyes again
climbed up on the dreamweaver train
tryin' to take away my worries of today
and leave tomorrow behind
Ooo Dreamweaver, I beleive you can get me through the night
Ooo Dreamweaver, I beleive we canreach the morning light
Fly me high through the stary skies
and maybe to an astral plane
Cross the highways of fantasy
Help me forget today’s pain
Ooo Dreamweaver, I beleive you can get me through the night
Ooo Dreamweaver, I beleive we can reach the morning light
tho the dawn may be coming soon
there still may be some time
fly me away to the bright side of the moon
and meet me on the other side
Ooo Dreamweaver, I beleive you can get me through the night
Ooo Dreamweaver, I beleive we canreach the morning light
Dreamweaver... Dreamweaver....
Here we are again the start of another season all we have now is 17 more weeks and 256 games to go until the playoffs. But it is the journey that is most important, and the most important step in any journey is the first so let’s get it going. Okay does everyone remember Expo? He is our over zealous, sometimes pointing out the obvious notes for us, teammate. He is the one that picks the tunes and gets us going. So in the fine NFL Tradition and for the first time in a while… Hey Expo, Kick it!!!
First up we start at the home of the defending Superbowl champions, and the dead Jimmy Hoffa, the Meadowlands of New Jersey. The New York Football Giants welcomed the Washington Redskins for a special Thursday night game to start the season. There are lots of things that left handed people have done like become President like Harry Truman, or were great people like Joan of Arc, or HG Wells. Even Quarterbacks like Norman Esiason (Boomer) and Kenny Stabler but the one thing they didn’t do was win their head coaching debut. Sorry Jim Zorn. Ellie built on last years success by completing 19 passes for 216 yards Wow that is almost 5 completions a quarter. And neither team scored in the second half.
Final Score the Deadskins 7 NYFG 16. Is that really the start of the season? Really?
Up next as usual we find ourselves at the bottom, and the bottom this week is in Philadelphia. Well not exactly the Eagles but the St Louis Ewes. We can’t call you Rams just yet. Last year we cut you guys some slack because of injuries. This year? Not at all. With more punts than first downs, 10 punts 8 first downs, we find that Philly has shaved you until there is only a little soft patch of fur left. Hey Andy Reid thanks for not going Brazilian on them. Welcome to the Gateway city our fist Birth Canal Team of the week.
Final Score was The Ewes 3 Philly 38. Wow. Do you have to pay for that shaving?
We will move up and to the right just a bit and find Buffalo? Yes the Buffalo Bills invited the Seattle Shehawks to town. However the Shehawks must have thought that the game was in Canada as they didn’t show up until the second quarter, then played awful, and then left town with a bad taste in their mouth, a loss. The one stat that everyone should know is that both teams had a total of 20 punts. Wow a couple of Yawns and one good stretch from a Sunday nap.
Final Score was Shehawks 10 the Bills 34. Did we miss it? We just closed our eyes for a second.
Well let’s move to the right a little more and find Foxboro. So Tom Brady didn’t take a snap in the preseason, so let’s see how he did 7 for 11 for 76 yards, huh not too bad. No Sacks or interceptions, okay not bad. He looks like he played a couple of series not bad for his first preseason game. What? Expo we know it is not the preseason anymore that is what we call irony. Maybe if he played some in the preseason maybe he would not have gotten hurt? That is the point we are trying to make, just like Aug the 7th Matt Cassel ran out on to the Field and held the Patriots winning streak in the regular season, but it was Kansas City. And if you can’t beat Kansas City with your back up quarterback then who can you beat? Tough luck Tom you are out for the season. So we will be watching the Pats this year as they spiral out of playoff picture possibly?
Final Score was Kansas City 10 New England 17. Wow still no visitor with a win.
Now we will share with you a rivalry that goes back to the 70’s. Nothing like old school football The Steelers of Pittsburg host the Oilers of Houston. Wow Bum Phillips and Earl Campbell against Franco Harris and Terry Bradshaw. Doesn’t it bring back memories? Yes? Yes? No we didn’t think so. We know that to have a rivalry each team has to win a game and that is not the case when Pittsburg and Houston get together. Well the more things change…. The more they stay the same… Well we can say that Matt Schuab showed again why he couldn’t play in Atlanta because he didn’t play in Pittsburg. Hey 25 of 33 is better than some this week? You think anyone in New Jersey would like to see 25 completions in one week?
Final Score was Texans 17 Steelers 38. Ho Hum, huh???? Okay it is over.
Advertisement: Hello this is Brian Billick and I just wanted to let everyone know I am taking my new job as serious as I did my old job. You see I coached really hard to get to 3 and 13 last year. I hope you enjoyed my commentary on the Tampa and New Orleans game look for me next week on the Sucky game of the week on Fox. Maybe I’ll be in Seattle.
Next we should go to the ravaged area know as New Orleans for this weeks Sucky game of the week on Fox. Gustav forced everyone in New Orleans to leave last week then return this weekend and now this is what we have to look forward to. We can only guess that the citizens of New Orleans will never unpack and every time the wind gets high they will head for high ground, but we guess almost any ground is higher than New Orleans. So let’s look at the game. The Greatest Running back in the history of the NFL gained 51 yards on 14 carries with a long of 26, the true stats being 13 carries for 25 yards. Hey that is almost 2 yards a carry. He also had 8 catches for 112 yards, with a long of 42 yards not that bad, but your true stats are 7 catches for 70 yards. But we have to say that was not a touchdown, but the official gave it to you so we will count it as well.
Final Score was Tampa Bay 20 New Orleans 24. Still no road wins…
Now we will talk about this week’s Sucky game on CBS, Cincinnati going to Baltimore. The best thing about Baltimore is not having to live there, or work there, basically never having to go there would be the best. And we can’t think of anything good about Cincinnati. So here we go… Carson Palmer had an Ellie Manning kind of day with a 10 of 25 for 99 yards, with 1 interception. Joe Flacco showed why Baltimore drafted him as he completed 15 of 29 passes for 129 yards. Did we mention that this was the Sucky game on CBS; the networks didn’t even have highlights of the game. Good thing we didn’t see this game Bad thing we had to tell you about it.
Final Score was Cincinnati 10 Baltimore 17. Expo can you get us some Pepto-Bismol?
As we stroll to Atlanta we find that the Detroit Lions are still, well, the Lions after finishing off last season with 1 win in the last 8 games. They started this season just where they finished last year, losing. Not only were they the visiting team but well they are from Detroit, so enough said. Michael Turner and Matt Ryan made their debut with the Atlanta Falldowns. Huh we mean Falcons. 220 yards for Turner is wonderful, and Ryan 9 of 13, not great, but with a running game like that you don’t need much passing.
Final Score was Lions 21 the Falcons 34. Still no road warrior winner…
Up next we stroll north and left to Tennessee for a little AFC South match up. The Jacksonville Jaguars came to Tennessee with the hope of a new season but the Titans were looking for the upset. With Vince Young going down to injury it didn’t look good for the Titans. But it was the Jaguars who folded like a cheap tarp. David Garrard did his best impersonation of like Gil Gerard or David Carr, going 23 for 35 with 7 sacks. Quite honestly we have seen better moves from a statue. Well this game should have been played on the Thanksgiving as most people, even those in attendance fell asleep. Crap it looked like a soccer game suddenly broke out.
Final score was Jacksonville 10 Titans 17. Another home team wins.
And now for something completely different The New York Bretts packed up and headed to Miami to take on the new coach Bill Parcells. This tough, hard hitting, AFC East game was more anticipated than Christmas morning by 5 year olds. So let’s look at what CBS called their number one game, as they sent Phil Sims and Jim Nance to cover the match up of Brett Farve against Chad Pennington. A funny thing happened. The New York Bretts won a game, and the Miami Doll-pins lost one. All summer long we have heard about things changing in Miami, well they could still win 2 games this season, which would double last years total. Let us take a look at Farve’s numbers 15 of 22 for 194 yards with a long of 56 for a touchdown then flung up a punt on fourth down and 13 when he should not have been on the field, so if that prayer is not answered he loses another 22 yards and that makes his true stats 13 receptions for 116 yards. Very Super Bowl MVP like wouldn’t you say?
Final score was New York Bretts 20 Miami 14. Hey Bill why didn’t you sign Chris Sims?
Let’s go all the way across country and find the San Diego Chargers taking on the Carolina Panthers. Now we have told you that teams can’t travel across the country and win. But Jake Delhomme wasn’t told about that stat. And let us just say that this game is 60 minutes long not 57:33. Charger Coach Nov Turner scored then smoked a cigarette turned over and took a nap. But that Panthers drove down the field like a hot knife thru butter and scored with no time on the clock. Leaving the crowd stunned and feeling violated. So the Panthers scored, kicked the extra point, went to the locker room took a shower, put on their clothes and left a twenty dollar bill on the sink and snuck out the back of the stadium.
Final score was the Panthers 26 the Chargers 24. Hey a road team wins!
Up next we will stay on the West coast sort of. We will stay in Ari-Freaking-Zona. The San Francisco 49ers came to town hoping to get a win. And everyone knows what happens when you hope in one hand and huh… humm… Well in the other hand you huh? Well you see you sit on the, huh… Well let’s just say that everyone knows what happens. So let’s talk about the game a little, Matt Leinart had a great game lets just look at the stats he was huh well with no attempts he had no completions. Huh, well, he made no mistakes we guess, except for signing with the Cardinals. Cardinals Win Cardinals Win, it just doesn’t sound right does it?
Final Score the Cardinals 23 the 49ers 13. Wow another road win will the madness end?
We go next to Cleveland. We know Expo, but we have to go there 8 times a year, so let’s get on with it. Cleveland ended last season just out of the playoff picture. But this year they have highest of expectations, so high that they invited the Cowboys over for an opening weekend game. They treated the Cowboys to so wide open field not much coverage as Tony was Romo-rific. Romo lead the Boys to 487 yards of offense, and 30 first downs nice, Cleveland looks more and more like the mistake by the lake.
Final Score the Cowboys 28 the Browns 10. Oh no not again.
And finally on Sunday we find the christianing of the new stadium in Indianapolis. In a rematch of the Superbowl from a couple of years ago we find the Chicago Bears lumbering to town looking for revenge. And you know what they say Revenge, it is best served cold, like that cold soup from Russia. Well since this was the Sunday night game and Peyton Manning is a genius, we were reminded of the Joe Theisman quote “The word “Genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is someone like Norman Einstein” What? We can only guess that is why he is out of a job. Okay well Da Bears got their revenge, but we bet they wished they had started Kyle Horton in the Superbowl instead.
Final score Da Bear 29 the Colts 13. Ditka would be proud.
On Monday we had two matchups on this crazy first week. We will start in Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. After the whole off season and the Brett Favre issues the Packers, that name is so funny to us, stayed the course and chose Aaron Rogers to lead their team to the Promised Land. The Viqueens came to town knowing that they would not be the greatest pressure on Mr. Rogers that Brett Farve would be. And they just hoped that they could sneak in and steal a win like the last 5 games. But alas these are the Viqueens and even the great Adrian Peterson could not garner a win. Let’s look at Mr. Rogers Stats 18 of 22 for 178 and a touchdown. Not bad following Brett Farve.
Final score was Viqueens 19 the Packers 24. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
And finally we get to get right back to the bottom where we started. Only this time the bottom is Oakland. The Bronco’s came to town out to prove a point. The point their Diabetic Quarterback Jay Cutler was better than the Raider old owner Al Davis. Cutler threw for 299 on 16 of 24. That means that he completed 2 out of every 3 passes not bad for someone with low blood sugar. If this is a rivalry game Oakland needs to win one every now and then.
Final score the Bronco’s 41 the Raiders 14. We think it was the Raider that got raided.
Well that will about do it for this week. Remember it is early. So we hope every one enjoys this as much as we did putting it together….
And remember like we always say…..
I've just closed my eyes again
climbed up on the dreamweaver train
tryin' to take away my worries of today
and leave tomorrow behind
Ooo Dreamweaver, I beleive you can get me through the night
Ooo Dreamweaver, I beleive we canreach the morning light
Fly me high through the stary skies
and maybe to an astral plane
Cross the highways of fantasy
Help me forget today’s pain
Ooo Dreamweaver, I beleive you can get me through the night
Ooo Dreamweaver, I beleive we can reach the morning light
tho the dawn may be coming soon
there still may be some time
fly me away to the bright side of the moon
and meet me on the other side
Ooo Dreamweaver, I beleive you can get me through the night
Ooo Dreamweaver, I beleive we canreach the morning light
Dreamweaver... Dreamweaver....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)