Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard Week 15 2008
Well with week 15 in the books we find ourselves in a quandary. What are we going to do with that “Packers Superbowl 2009” banner that we have for the Party we were scheduling for February? Well that is our problem. What? Okay sure we can put them the ones for we have for the Raiders, the Seahawks, and Bills. Wonder if we can get our money back. And No Expo We didn’t get ones that had the Chiefs, Lions, and Bengals. Nice thought though. Please just stick to the Music… Okay?? Alright then, kick it…
Okay First up on Thursday we find Da Bears and the S-Aints in an epic rematch of the NFC Championship of several years ago. Good God was anyone watching? Because if you were then you would have noticed that the S-Aints had 10 more minutes in time of Possession, over 50 more yards, 6 more first downs and ran 14 more plays. But the S-Aints just couldn’t finish. After the first half Head Coach Sean Peyton decided to leave REG-GIE Bush on the sidelines, saying he was hurt, but in actuality Bush was okay, so he says. Let’s look at his numbers. 6 Carries for 30 yards with a long of 13 and 2 catches for 16 yards. Huh not quite 50 yards, that is not good.
Final Score the S-Aints 24 Da Bears 27. Well the S-Aints aren’t in the playoffs again.
Starting at the bottom this week we will head to Cincinnati and find the Bungels against the Deadskins. What has happened to the greatest football team in the Washington DC area? After starting the season 6 and 3 they have been 1 and 4. Not real good. After their games the Redskins have what they call the “Warpath” a press conference for Head Coach Jim Zorn. When asked about what his comments were on a Clinton Portis statement that his coach was a football Genius. Zorn replied, “Yes Coach Gibbs was a genius and right now I feel like the dumbest man in America.” Really??! Well you aren’t the coach of the Chiefs so you aren’t the dumbest, but you are the coach of this weeks Birth Canal Team of the week.
Final Score the Deadskins 13 the Bungels 20. Hey Cincy, you just lost the 2nd pick in the draft.
Well let’s get to a game of consequence. For that we will head to St Louis… Are you kidding us? A game of consequence? Certainly not. This game had fewer consequences than making snow angels on a cold day in Puerto Rico if that is even possible. We can’t even talk about this game.
Final Score the Shehawks 23 the Ewes 20. How could anyone pay to see this game?
Time to talk about the Buccan game now as Tampa Bay traveled up to Atlanta for an NFC South Battle. With Jeff Garcia out, the Buccaneers had to rely on the trusty arm of Brian Griese. Brian’s arm was strong and accurate about 70% of the time. What he didn’t have was Garcia’s Mexican magic spells to help win the Buccan game. As the game was running down Griese could be heard chanting on the sidelines, “La Cucaracha La Cucaracha”. Head Coach Jon Gruden asked “What the hell is Griese doing” An assistant coach told Gruden that Griese was trying to use a famous Mexican Magic spell to gain an advantage in the game. Gruden just shook his head and mumbled “There is nothing magical about a cockroach”.
Final Score the Bucs 10 the Falcons 13. There are probably more Cockroaches in New Orleans.
In what was an odd repeat of fate the Tennessee Titans traveled to Texas, just like David Crocket did some 150 years ago. Funny how the same thing happened so let’s talk about history Davey Crocket came to Texas and died in the battle of the Alamo. This year the Tennessee Titans came to Texas played and lost. Funny how Matt Schuab played like General Santa Anna, as he stormed the Titans like the Mexican Army did to the Alamo. Well that should confusing history enough for this week.
Final Score Titans 12 the Texans 13. Viva la Matt Schuab???
Up next we head Indianapolis to find the next victim for Detroit. The Lions brought all of the fight of the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz before he got is courage. Lt Dan came back to play for the Lions and not only pushed Daunte Culpepper out of the starting job, but pushed him down in warm ups as well, so we heard. After the game Lt Dan was asked about how working with this team is different than working with Forrest Gump? To which he replied” “No one wants to be part of this. No one wants to have their name involved with this, it’s tough to swallow, and everybody says we stink. We don’t have much debate with that.” all true but Forrest Gump was good right???
Final Score the Lions 21 the Colts 31. Stupid is as stupid does sir.
Next we head down to Jacksonville to find the Packers on a winter retreat. With the recent cold snap in Green Bay the Packers headed south for some fun in the sun, since they will not be in the Superbowl again. They didn’t seem to have much fun as they lost for the ninth time on the season. Huh let’s see… One second… We have the stat right here… Oh yes the Packers of 07 lost only 3 games, and this year they have lost 3 times that amount with 2 games to play. What a wonderful coaching job Mike McCarthy did this season. New Quarterback equals new sucky Packers. Do you think the experts still think that Aaron Rogers is the answer?
Final Score the Packers 16 the Jaguars 20. If he is the answer what the hell is the question?
After weeks of trying to figure out what is wrong with the Kansas City Chiefs they decided to let Carl Peterson, Football General Manager go at the end of the season. Nice call, and thanks for not spoiling his family’s Christmas. Hey yea, you have job till the season is over, hell the season ended 8 weeks ago for the Chiefs, but nobody told them. This week, however, after an inspiring speech from Head Coach Herm Edwards where he placed a huge emphasis on scoring 21 points in the game his team ran out to a 21 to 3 led in the third quarter. Then they ran off the field showered and headed home to get ready for the incoming winter storm. The Chargers finding no one on the field for over a quarter were somehow able to make up the difference and outscored the Chiefs in the last 2 minutes of the game to win.
Final score the Chargers 22 the Chiefs 21. Maybe Herm should mention to hold the other to less than 21 points?
Oh my Lord, has anyone seen the change in Miami? Tuna Cakes has and he says” “Just win out and we will be in the tournament Okay?” San Francisco did everything right to win the game, they had 70 more yards 16 more minutes in time of possession, and more than twice as many first downs. They did everything but win the game. Unfortunate as it is to say…. Miami wins Miami wins…
Final Score the 49ers 9 the Dolphins 14... We hate to say that…
Okay we have to set this up just right, so play close attention please. You are winning by 3 points, playing in New Jersey, a conference rival, you are barely in the playoff picture, (Kind of like that crazy uncle who is on the very end of the wedding picture that gets folded so he can’t be seen while it is being displayed) you have 2 minutes and 6 seconds to go in the game and you are 2nd down and 5 yards to go. Just a little history, your last 6 plays (all rushes) netted you 37 yards including the go ahead touchdown and a first down, hence the 2nd and 5. And your defense has given up 10 total yards in 9 plays to your opponents the entire fourth quarter. Do you A: Hand the ball off to a running back? (You know that the clock will stop at the 2 minute warning with a good chance that you will get the first down) B: Quick kick the ball (because you don’t know what to do with a lead this late in the game) C: Knell down and punt the ball away (Your defense has played so well you think what the heck) D: You put the ball in the hands of J.P. Losman who gets sacked and fumbles the ball, and the Jets pick it up and run it back for a touchdown, and you lose the game?
Final Score Bills 27 the JETS 31. J.P. Losman is Just a Plain Loss Man. We almost cried.
In a game that might just decide the NFC Playoff seeding the Viqueens of Minnesota, came to Arizona to play the Cardinals. Playoff Seeding? Yes Expo the Ari-Freaking –Zona Cardinals made the playoffs this year. We know it is crazy but they did. We mean they didn’t show up against the Viqueens, but they are in the playoffs and not just a wildcard team either won the freaking Division. We know, but hell, the other 3 teams have 10 wins total. They should call it the NFC Worst not the West. But on the Bright side the Cardinals are getting ready for next year as Superstar Quarterback Matt Leinart got some action, and we don’t mean holding a clip board on the sideline, he got in the game. His line you ask? 3 of 5 for 28 yards. Not bad. He will make some team a very capable backup some day.
Final score the Viqueens 35 the Cardinals 14. Viqueens win, Viqueens Win. Yuck…
Not sure how this game escaped us but let’s look at the Denver game in Carolina. The Panther needed a win get to 11 wins on the season and Denver was trying to clinch the AFC West division. They would have sewn up the division and a home playoff game with a win. Denver showed us what they were made of and we can’t say what it was for fear of being banned by the FCC. Suffice to say the Carolina gets the win, making next weeks game for home field advantage through out the playoffs very important, and Denver well you guys looked like something that the cat puked up, ate, then puked up again.
Final Score the Bronco’s 10 the Panthers 30. Sorry for the visual but this was terrible.
Up next we get to Baltimore and this weeks travesty in officiating. What the hell? How many times do the Football Gods have to smile down on the Steelers? This is just ridiculous we can think of 5 times that they have been handed the game with less than 4 minutes to go. But this one takes the cake. Big Stupid Ben throws the ball and it is caught, the ball is spotted on the 6 inch line. But wait we have to review it because we are under 2 minutes. And just so you know, this is football not horseshoes, and the ball has to travel into the end zone for a score to occur not just get close. Let’s look at the facts, to get a field goal the ball crosses into the end zone and thru the uprights, to get a touchdown the ball has to touch the goal line, not cross it completely but touch the line while being possessed. We would have been fine if the call on the field had been touchdown and there wasn’t enough evidence to over turn the play. But to over turn the call when it wasn’t a touchdown is just plain ludicrous, (And we don’t mean the Rapper).
Final Score the Steelers 13 the Ravens 9. Pittsburg steals another one. What a shame…
Okay so the final day game of the week had the New England Patriots in a fierce battle with cross country rival Oakland Raiders Bill Bela-cheat thought it would be a good idea to stay on the West coast this week and not fly cross country 4 times in two weeks. We can only guess that is worked out for him, we were so disgusted by the previous game that we can’t really comment on this game, so let’s just say that the Patriots scored almost as much a as a squirrel in the winter collecting nuts, and certainly more than a blind squirrel does anytime.
Final Score the Pats 49 the Raiders 26. Whop-dy do Matt Cassel wins again.
And now we will get to the game that the whole nation has waited for us to comment on. The WCNYFG came to Big D looking to keep their streak of road wins intact. But other than Cleveland, Dallas is the only road venue the WCNYFG’s have not won in since last season. With Running back Brandon Jacobs out this week the Giants were going to have to rely on Ellie Manning to lead his team VICTORY. So let’s look at his stats for the night. Ellie was 18 of 35 for 191 yards, not great but about what he normally does, He had no touchdowns and 8 sacks and threw 2 interceptions on the night. He looked confused and out of sync the whole game, and for the most part unprepared. So with nothing to really play for the WCNYFG played like they had nothing to play for. It makes us wonder? Was this a big game for the G-Aints?
Final Score the WCNYFG 8 the Cowboys 20. This was a big game right???.
And Finally the Monday night extravaganza. Does anyone else hate to listen to those knuckle heads in the booth? Mike Tirico is a below average play by play guy at best and could be better if he had a couple of years of broadcasting some Mid-American Conference football games where nobody is watching or listening to. Listening to Ron Jarworski is like trying to listen to a high school coach break down game film to a bunch football Moms. And Good God is Tony Kornheiser able to speak without repeating either the last thing Tirico said or something from 20 minutes ago. We wish YOU would go back to that PTI crap so it could be cancelled. Listening to silence is better than having to listen to you three knuckle heads talk about wheather Andy Reid was going to release Donovan McNabb or make out with him in the locker room after the game.
Final Score The Browns 10 the Eagles 30. Will this game ever get listenable again?
Well that will wrap it up for this week. We apologize for the delay this week. We really have no excuse. Next time maybe the Playoffs will be more in Focus for us…
And remember like we always say…
Hello everybody, this is your action news reporter
With all the news that is news across the nation
On the scene at the super market
There seems to have been some disturbance here
Pardon me sir, did you see what happened?
Yeh, I did...I was standing over there by the tomatoes
And here he comeRunning thru the pole beans, thru the fruits and vegetables
Naked as a jay-bird
And I hollered over at Ethel...Isaid don't look Ethel
It was too late, she'd already been incensed...
Here he comes, boogie-dy, boogie-dy
There he goes, boogie-dy, boogie-dy
And he ain't wearin' no clothes
Oh yes, they call him the streak
Fastest thing on two feet
He's just as proud as he can be
Of his anatomy
He's gonna give us a peek
Oh yes, they call him the streak
He likes to show off his physique
If there's an audience to be found
He'll be streakin' around
Invitin' public critique...
This is your action news reporter once again
And we're here at the gas station
Pardon me sir, did you see what happened?
Yeh, I did...I was just in here gettin' my tires checked
And he just appeared out of the traffic
Come streakin' around the grease rack there
Didn't have nothing on but a smile
I looked in there and Ethel was gettin' her a cold drink
I hollered...Don't look Ethel
It was too late...
She'd already been mooned
Flashed her right there in front of the shock absorbers
He ain't rude, boogie-dy, boogie-dy
He ain't lewd, boogie-dy, boogie-dy
He's just in the mood to run in the nude
Oh yes, they call him the streak
He likes to turn the other cheek
He's always making the news
Wearin' just his tennis shoes
Guess you could call him unique...
Once again, your action news reporter in the booth at the gym
Covering the disturbance at the basketball playoffs
Pardon me sir, did you see what happened?
Yeh, I did...half-time, I was just going down there
To get Ethel a snow cone
Here he come right our of the cheap seats
Dribblin'...right down the middle of the court
Didn't have on nothin' but his PF's
Made a hook shot and got out thru the concession stand
I hollered up at Ethel, I said don't look Ethel
It was too late...She'd already got a free shot
Grandstanded...Right there in front of the home team
Oh yes, they call him the streak
Fastest thing on two feet
He's just as proud as he can be
Of his anatomy
He's gonna give us a peek
Oh yes, they call him the streak
He likes to show off his physique
If there's an audience to be found
He'll be streakin' around
Invitin' public critique...
Here he comes...look...who's that with him?
Ethel, is that you, Ethel?
What do you think you're doing?
You get your clothes on!
Ethel, where you going?
Ethel, you shameless hussy
Say it isn't so Ethel
Ethel..................
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