Stroll Down NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 7

Stroll down the NFL Boulevard 2008 Week 7

Well this is the week that puts us one week closer to the half way point of the season. During the season there are times when God smiles on you, and others times when God seems to smile on your opponents, so let’s see who God Smiled on this week. But first let’s see who is not playing this week; Atlanta, Arizona, Philadelphia, Jacksonville. Expo, are you ready? Expo? Expo? Are you there? You know, when this starts we have to be ready. People are counting on us, little kids around the nation are waiting on us to give them their stats, their who beat whom, and all things NFL. So kick it!!!!

First lets get started at the bottom, and again we find the bottom in Missouri. How in the world does this happen? How did the Cowgirls get this bad in such a short amount of time? With the undrafted superstar (that is an oxymoron by the way) sitting on the bench with a broken finger the Cowgirls turned to backup Brad Johnson. But he threw 3 interceptions. It didn’t start out that bad, as the Cowgirls took the opening drive and went straight down the field for a score. But after that they left the field and took a tour of the Arch and then went by the Scott Joplin museum. After the game Cowgirl owner Jerry Jones was asked “How do you feel your team has played the last four weeks?” Shaking his head and looking the report in the eye he said “I am squealing like Ned Beatty in Deliverance.” Thanks Jerry for taking the Birth canal Team of the week like a man.
Final Score the Cowgirls 14 the Rams 34. Not the Ewes this week.

Well let’s stay at the bottom, the bottom of Ohio that is. The Ben-gals came out and struggled again. The Stat of this game was this little gem: Cincinnati had the ball 12 times; they scored 2 times, and had 8 punts, that is terrible. Of the 8 punts 6 of them were 3 plays and a punt. Words can’t describe how bad that is. Pittsburg lulled the whole stadium to sleep, God this team is boring, but God is smiling on them on this day, or maybe just not on Marvin Lewis. No, that couldn’t be it could it? Hey thank you Pittsburg for throwing a touchdown in the last two minutes of the game.
Final Score the Steelers 38 the Ben-gals 10. Just like school on Saturday. No Class.

Next we will travel back to Missouri to find the Tennessee Titans in a battle with the Kansas City Chiefs. Herm Edwards and his Chiefs had 2 weeks to prepare, and this is what they put out there and at home, they didn’t even have to travel. Games like this make us wonder why Herm Edwards is still a head coach in the NFL. Who does he have pictures of in the front office? Why isn’t he in the unemployment line, at ESPN, waiting for his turn to talk about how he used to do it in the NFL? Tennessee had 332 yards rushing. Which has to be some sort of record, but it probably isn’t.
Final Score the Titans 34 the Chiefs 10. The Chiefs have one more win that a dead guy or Detroit take your pick.

Up next we finally get out of Missouri and head for Carolina for the Crappy game on Fox. The S-Aints went out to Gods Country and found out that God’s wasn’t smiling on them this week. Let’s look at the Greatest running Back in the History of the NFL. 9 carries for 55 yards with a long of 29 yards making his true stats 3 carries for 26 yards, then had one catch for the 5 yards. What the hell? Did he get hurt? What? He did? Oh well how long is he out for? We need him back, without him our sharp sticks will pile up. And we can’t have that. God didn’t smile on New Orleans again. Just like Aug 2005.
Final Score the S-Aints 7 the Panthers 30. REG-GIE REG-GIE. You are killing us. You are killing us.

Oh Lord please smile on us and give us a good game to talk about. As we move to Chicago we find Da Bears welcoming the Viqueens. The Viqueens out gained Da Bears, 439 to 327, and first downs 27 to 18, and never punted. We mean they didn’t punt the ball except for warm ups. While Adrian Peterson had 122 yards on 22 carries and Gus “the Mule” Frerotte had 25 completions on 40 tosses for 298 yards, all very nice. Da Bears only did one thing right, they won. We think that Da Bears crazy Orange jerseys confused the Viqueens. It sure confused “the Mule” as he threw 4 interceptions. The Viqueens were confused all day on special teams. We can only guess that is why they call them special.
Final Score the Viqueens 41 Da Bears 48. Nothing confusing about an elevator it just goes up and down all day.

Well back to it as we find this week’s Crappy game on CBS. The Baltimore Ravens flew south to Miami like the swallows to Capistrano. Only the Raven’s came to play football in Miami. Former Miami coach Cam Cameron was hired to run the offense in Baltimore. This year Baltimore’s offense is 26th in the League, just ahead of the offensive prowess of Detroit, KC and Seattle. Wow, need we say more? So with a Chad Pennington interception return for a touchdown the Ravens Lead 20 to 13 going into the fourth quarter. After a Raven’s touchdown the Dolphins went to work and showed that Pennington can throw the 15 yard out pass. In the last minute he was 4 of 4 for 68 yards, but alas time expired and he was only 48 yards from the touchdown that would have brought his Dolphins to with in 7.
Final score the Ravens 27 Miami 13. God smiled on Baltimore imagine that.

Up next we shuffle off to Buffalo for a game with San Diego. Funny thing at the start of the game the Chargers warmed up too much and the lights went out. Thank goodness the game was at 1PM EST so they really didn’t need the lights. But what San Diego needed was a little more production from LaDainian Tomlinson. In the last 3 games the great LT has averaged 15 carries for 50 yards a game. Wow is that great production? Well the Chargers should have learned one thing by now: 1. you need to score in each quarter, 2 you can’t go across the country and win, even in Buffalo.
Final score the Chargers 14 the Bills 23. That’s the night that the lights went out in… Buffalo?

Next we will head to New Jersey for this weeks game with the WCNYFG. The drunken Irishman J.T O’Sullivan had a wonderful game as he lead his 49er team in passing and rushing. Let’s take a look at those rushing stats 4 for 27 yards with a long of 18, which makes his true stats 3 carries for 9 yards. Wow is that great or what? But the WCNYFG have a weapon of their own and that weapon is Ellie Manning. Let’s look at his day: he was 16 of 31 for 161 yards oh my. But wait he had some rushes huh let us see here. Huh… Where is that note? Oh yes here it is humm 3 rushes for -4 yards. But we have to say that his day was not as bad as Mike Nolan’s day on Monday. Getting fired from your job is not good, but how bad do you have to be to get fired from San Francisco?
Final score the 49ers 17 the WCNYFG 29. Huh so God DOES know where New Jersey is?

Well we guess we should have had talked about this game earlier but quite honestly we had nothing good to say about it, but we will try anyway. Cleveland came to Washington on the heels of a nice Monday night win. Good Lord in the first half there were 11 first downs and 11 punts by both teams. What a showing. And then just when half time was over the two teams combined for 25 points and not much excitement. This game was like listening to porn on the radio, lots of heavy breathing but not much visual stimulation. It looked like God didn’t smile on either team here. He may have laughed though…
Final score the Browns 11 the Deadskins 14. We are sick to our stomachs now, thanks.

Up next we go to Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. The Green Bay Packers invited the Colts of Indianapolis to the neighborhood for a nice glass of Ice tea and a rousing rendition of “won’t you be my neighbor”. During the second verse Peyton Manning threw his second interception which was also returned for a touchdown. Now who was being neighborly? Peyton Manning’s game reminded us of the famous quote by US Cartoonist William H Mauldin “I am a fugitive from the law of averages”. Looks like God smiled on Green Bay.
Final score the Colts 14 the Packers 34. We think Mr. McFeely had a speedy delivery.

Holy Crap up next we find Lt. Dan going to Houston of all places. And in Houston the Detroit Loins found themselves looking for that ever elusive first win. Well Matt Schuab had an unforgettable day while Lt Dan Orlovsky’s day was pretty much not. Matt’s day was 26 of 31; Wow Matt Schuab usually takes two weeks to get 26 completions. But this is Detroit and that means that anything can happen. And we guess that anything is that Houston Wins… Houston wins? Huh Houston Wins?
Final score the Lions 21 the Texans 28. Houston wins? Houston wins, that is just strange.

And Now in what could be called the game of the day, but probably won’t. The New York Bretts came to the City by the bay, Oakland. Apparently the great Brett Favre did some phone calling this week as he called Indianapolis Coach Tony Dungy to let him know what the Packers did last year, Dungy Said don’t worry we got this one. The Next person in Farve’s address book was Lane Kiffin. And as Brett was explaining the fine nuances of his new team’s offense, Kiffin stopped him, but only to remind Brett that he didn’t coach the Raiders any longer. After what seemed like 3 minutes of silence All Kiffin heard was someone on the other end whisper screaming, “I told you he didn’t coach there any more it’s now that Cable guy.” Brett then said “Huh Trick or Treat and hung up.
Final Score the Bretts 13 the Raiders 16. Hey just win baby, in Overtime maybe.

And finally on Sunday Night the Shehawks traveled about as far as they could, going all the way to Tampa Bay and the Buccan Game. Well this is Buccan Football and in the Buccan game the Buccaneers held the ball for 41 minutes, and had 22 first downs to Seattle’s 7 first downs. Question: is anyone going to be nice to Mike Holmgren on his farewell tour? Usually people on their farewell tours get rocking chairs, nice bottles of wine, flowers, and watches. Seeing a guy getting kicked in the groin is usually left to America’s Funniest Videos. This Season AHV happens to be where ever the Shehawks are playing.
Final Score the Shehawks 10 the Buccaneers 20. Just another Buccan game for Tampa.

And finally we find the Denver Bronco’s traveling to New England to prove once and for all who the better team was. With New England down a quarterback Denver thought that it was only fair to have their quarterback hurt as well. So on the first play of the game Denver Quarterback Jay Cutler slammed his hand on the top of a helmet. As Mike Shanahan yelled over to Bill Belle-cheat anything you can do I can do as well. To which Belle-cheat screamed back oh Yea? Oh yea? Well Matt Cassel did his best Tom Brady impersonation scoring 7 out of 12 times. And basically making the Bronco’s the butt of this week’s Monday night joke.
Final Score the Bronco’s 7 the Pats 41. God smiled on the Pats? What?

Well we guess that is it for this week. We only hope that you are enjoying this as much as we are putting it together.

And remember like we always say…


Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but your so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm tryin to get back
before the cool done run out I'll be givin it my best test
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait
I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our godforsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

So, i won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate
I'm yours

Scooch on over closer, dear
And I will nibble your ear

I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
and so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I'd be sayin' is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
it's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more,
no more it cannot wait
I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you will find that the sky is yours

so please don't, please don't, please don't,
there's no need to complicate,
Cause our time is short
This, this, this is our fate,
I'm yours