Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 16
Christmas time is here, happiness and cheer, fun for all that children call their favorite time of year the playoffs. (Sung to Charlie Brown Christmas). Wow we have answers to questions we longed to know. Things stuffed in our stockings that we didn’t know we needed or wanted. So with yet another busy weekend let’s get to it!!!! Start the music.
We shall start in St Louis, what a magical night with Marshall Faulk having is number raised to the rafters of the Edward D. Jones Dome. We are glad that he could be honored in front of the fans that cheered him through out his career. Hardly anyone else in the rest of the country could watch as this was another game on the NFL network. The Rams showed just exactly why they need Marshall Faulk, 15 carries for 90 yards, not much there. Well the most exciting thing that happened in this game was that Willie Parker broke his leg and now he is out for the rest of the playoffs. That will not bode well for the Steelers so good luck. This game was over at half time it is just that the Rams didn’t know it. The Rams scored 7 points in the second half but it was not enough.
Final Score was Steelers 41 Rams 24. Ho Hum. Where is the Egg nog?
Next we move to Carolina, home of the Panthers. The Panthers used their cat like reflexes to score 6 points in the second half. They really put their best foot forward with a total of 216 yards in the game. But it looks like their paws have been de-clawed. Dallas held the ball for 39 minutes in the game and would have been more had it not been for the interception Tony Romo threw. Well Terrell Owens might be out with a high ankle sprain, and Tony’s thumb is still bothering him, Maybe Jessica will kiss it and make it all better. Not much else but the Cowboys win.
Final Score was Cowboys 20 Panthers 13 Meow Baby!!!
Well starting at the bottom again we will move to the Meadowlands. Sadly the fans of the J-E-T-S; Jest Jets Jets saw their team win 2 games at home; that is really sticking it to them. What will you do for “Fan Appreciation” next Sunday? Score 10 points and lose again? We can only hope. Hey Tennessee thanks for the effort 12 of 22 passing for 166 yards and 3 sacks, thank Goodness you were playing the Jets. Well this game was terrible, but we have seen worse this year, unfortunately. Well only one more game this year for the Jets and for the Titans Win and your in baby.
Final Score was Titans 13 Jets 6 Ho Hum
Okay everyone stay together as we move to the west, okay now a little south, west more a little more. Hey you, get out of the water, get back over here with the rest of us. Okay here we are in Chicago, the Windy City the monsters of the Midway and the Cubs. With Green Bay fighting for home field advantage they found themselves in weather they wanted to subject everyone else to in the playoffs. It was bitterly cold; a fine day for a game between Green Bay and NFC north Brother Chicago. This was a game that even your mother wouldn’t let you play in. The valued running game of the Packers was sure to rear its head in the game and crush Bears. Right? Right? Uh No. The hard rushing Packers produced 125 yards on 21 carries. But we will take a closer look and find that 2 carries equaled 81 yards therefore we see 19 carries for 44 yards a meager 2.3 yards per carry. Not acceptable if you ask us. So the Packers had to rely on the 125 year old arm of Brett Favre, who was 17 of 32, throwing the ball all over the field for 153 yards and 2 interceptions. Honestly we have seen better effort from the farm children trying to feed their vegetables to the dog. So let us look to the Frozen Tundra of Wisconsin to find this week’s Birth Canal team of the week the Green Bay Packers.
Final Score was Green Bay 7 Da Bears 35. Wow they really got Packed didn’t they?
Okay we will move east and south, right over there by that sewer pipe. Don’t fall in what would I tell your parents? “Ops sorry he got too close to the Drainage pipe in Cincinnati, he fell in and we lost him”? Not on my watch pal. Okay here in the Stadium Honoring Paul Brown do we find the game between the Bengals and the Browns, the team honoring Paul Brown, that maybe too much history, so let’s talk about the game. It looks like we just can’t stay on the Brown bandwagon. Is it a rickety old wagon or what? Derek Anderson came out with something to prove, he proved that he is not a pro Bowl Quarterback, yet. With 4 interceptions and no points in the first half Anderson looked dazed and confused. Then when the Bengals didn’t come out of the locker room for the second half the Browns could not score on the final possession and 14 points was not enough to win. We are trying to stay on the band wagon but something is telling us to just get off and stay off. Hey Marvin Lewis this win might save your job, but then again maybe not.
Final Score was Browns 14 Bengals 19 We are climbing back on again, but very unsure again.
Okay due north, is everybody with us? No North, North are you listening to me? This way. Okay right here in the city with the most crime in the country Detroit, and an epic battle of Lions versus Indians. We can only guess if these Indians attacked the Lions on the Serengeti they would surely perish. But these Indians are more like squaws and Papooses than Warrior braves. It looks like the Chiefs just don’t catch any breaks. Maybe the football gods are telling you something Coach Edwards. This quote just sums up the season. "We've had some opportunities," Chiefs coach Herm Edwards said. "We've had them every week, but we just can't get it done." You just can’t seem to get it done? That sounds about right, it starts at the top. Hey Detroit thanks for allowing Matt Millen to keep his job. 7 wins should do it this year; we mean 3 to 6 wins have done it in the past. This was this week’s crappy game of the week, did any care about this game?
Final Score was something to something else and the Lions won Yawn….
Well we will move south and a little west. No I said a little west, not there, we have already been there. AARRGG you come up here, no HERE. Okay here we are in Indianapolis. Hang on they are cutting another Peyton Manning commercial hush. The Texans had the distinction, at the start of the week, of being the only team in the league with a .500 record, and in last place in their division. All that changed this week as they came to the RCA Dome and got played like a record. Down in Texas the city of Houston HATES the city of Dallas so much they can hardly stand it. After the game Dallas Clark had now they hate Dallas even more. The Colts came, played, and won, not much else to say.
Final Score was Texans 15 Colts 38. We will now pause for Manning’s newest commercial.
Okay can we all stay together please? We are heading west, no your other west, to the Valley of the Sun. okay now south, a little more. Okay right there. Alright the Cardinals lost a 10 point lead in the fourth quarter, the people in attendance booed, with the game on the line Neil Rackers came in to try a game tying Field Goal. Does any of this sound familiar? Of all the games played in the NFL this season why was this one played? More over why did this game have to go to overtime? We guess that when two teams are so evenly matched that a decent game can be played. My Lord who do you cheer for?
Final Score was Falcons 27 Cardinals 30. Is it time to take the cookies out of the oven?
We will move west no until we get to water, keep going over the mountains. Hey don’t step on that, do you know that that is? It is the Hollywood Bowl, some of the finest Bowling Lanes you will ever see. You aren’t wearing the right kind of shoes anyway, now north, a little more okay right there. Here in San Francisco where the women are women and the men like men. This game proved our theory once again that teams can’t travel across the country and win. The 49ers “Drilled” the Buccaneers in the second half scoring 14 points and won the game. With everything wrapped up for the Buccaneers they decided to rest some of their players in the second half. Pride is the only thing on the line for San Fran now. The homecoming that Jeff Garcia was hoping to have didn’t materialize and the only thing he could say after the game was “Dude?!?”
Final Score was Buccaneers 19 San Francisco 21. Get off the Golden Gate Bridge please.
Okay moving north, more, more, what is in Oregon? Then why did you stop? Right here in Seattle home of Starbucks, the great northwest and huh, huh, okay well we guess that is it. The Baltimore Ravens played a hard fought game since they came off their operation this week. They had exploratory surgery to see if they had a heart, no doctor could find one. A team that was already depleted on defense showed us once again that a team named the Ravens can’t win this season. We think that a complete overhaul is in order for this team including the coach, quarterback and most of the defense. Remember God don’t like ugly, Ravens look in the mirror your team is Hunchback of Norte Dame ugly. Nice game Seattle way to get back on track.
Final Score was Ravens 6 Seahawks 27. And it wasn’t this close.
Okay moving at a 45 degree angle in a southeasterly direction we would eventually arrive in the Gulf of Mexico? The Gulf of Mexico? Huh… No not quite, let’s go to New Orleans. The Saints with all their troubles this season including losing their first 4 games then winning their next 4 to get to 500 are finished this season. It seems like such a shame that in the city that has to struggle to keep its head above water that the Saints are trying to do the same thing. None the less the Saints went into the game with playoff aspirations, but left without a prayer. We may have to start calling the Saints the running back Abyss, as Aaron Stecker rush 13 times for 49 yards, with a long of 26 making his actual stats 12 carries for 23 yards. Even REGGIE Bush has had better games. Philadelphia was eliminated in Week 15 but could break though a barrier with another win.
Final Score was Eagles 38 the Saints 23. The Saints are not marching anywhere now.
Okay let’s walk the Sandy Beaches of the Gulf of Mexico, feel the warm water on your feet and sand between your toes. Hey what are you doing? There are bathrooms for that, do you need to go? Well it looks like you finished already. Okay this game can best be summed up with a Quote from Raider Cornerback Nnamdi Asomugha who said "It wasn't embarrassing. It was mortifying if I can use that word. That's probably the most disappointing loss I've had, especially this late in the season when everybody's been preaching finish strong, we can spoil (things for) Jacksonville. "And they come out and put those points up on us? That's very disappointing." Not much else to be said. This was what we call a complete butt whipping. Hope the Jags didn’t make them cut their own switch to beat their bottoms with.
Final Score was Raiders 11 Jaguars 49. You know your Grandma did.
We will be moving north everybody put on your socks and shoes. Are we ready? Okay let’s put on our coat and head up the coast, Follow it around right here to the Boston home of the Sith Lord and New England Patriots. The Sith Lord played Mind tricks in this game but it looked like the big Tuna cakes, a large Yoda looking man himself, had some mind tricks of his own. This was the first time that the Dark force took on the dark force. Tuna Cakes allowed no points in the second half and got a tally on the board himself. The Patriots didn’t go for it on fourth down up 28 points this week; we guess they were in the Christmas spirit. Patriots Win.
Final Score was Dolphins 7 Patriots 28. But didn’t we all know that anyway?
We will now head west, no get out of Canada, haven’t we told you that before? Okay here we are in Buffalo, The Bills certainly showed that they had nothing to play for, and allowed a 14 point lead slip through their fingers. Let’s take a look at some of these stats. The Giants had 295 yards on 47 rushing attempts, but they had 2 carries for 131. So that would give them 45 carries for 164 still a nice total, a very respectable 3.6 yards per carry. Now let turn to franchise quarterback Ellie Manning wow what a day, 7 of 15 for 111 yards with 2 interceptions and 2 lost fumbles. How bad does this guy have to play to get pulled? With his team fighting for the playoffs the last four games he was 58 of 126 for 709 yards and 3 touchdowns and 4 interceptions, and 4 lost fumbles. Way to pick up your play with the season on the line. The Bills were heard to say Merry Christmas to you all and to all a good night. Hey Giants now that you have clinched a playoff birth, will you be able to win again? Is it better to make the playoffs each year and lose in the first round? Or miss the playoffs and rebuild?
Final Score was Giants 38 Bills 21. !@#$%&#*%&#^# Happy Holidays to you.
And finally the last of games on Sunday we will scoot around under the Great Lakes, then into Minnesota. Both teams are fighting for their playoff lives, with Minnesota having to win to get their spot. Of Course with that kind of pressure they laid down Like a cheap rug, Folded like a cheap suit, took .65 cents from the Redskins and showed them their perfumed inner thigh. What the heck was Coach Brad Childress trying to do when letting Tarvaris Jackson try to win the game? Hey Brad you got here on the Legs of Adrian Peterson, did you know that? He only carried the ball 9 times for 27 yards. But you chose to throw the ball 41 times? Now you put your fate in someone else’s hands. Well Washington after 4 loses in a row and now 3 wins in a row you hold your destiny in your own hands, congrats! Win and you are in; lose and you are out.
Final Score was Redskins 32 Viqueens 21. We just giggled again.
And finally we will head all the way back to San Diego home of the Chargers, the Zoo and well we guess that is it. The Bronco’s had nothing left to play for and it showed. In what used to be a tough AFC West battle the Bronco’s didn’t put up much of a fight due mainly in part to Jay Cutler who was 14 for 32 for 155 with 4 sacks, 2 interceptions and one fumble lost. (Kind of like the 12 days of Christmas). We the only song being sung in San Diego was Naw Naw Naw, Naw Naw Naw Hey hey hey good bye!!! Stay Classy San Diego.
Final Score was Bronco’s 3 the Chargers 23. Good thing we could all go to sleep early.
Well that will about do for the Stroll this week. We hope that Santa came down your chimney and gave you everything you wanted. Merry Christmas to all. (The rest of Christmas time for you)
Snowflakes in the airCarols everywhereOlden times and ancient rhymesOf love and dreams to shareSleigh bells in the airBeauty everywhereYuletide by the firesideAnd joyful memories thereChristmas time is hereWe'll be drawing nearOh, that we could always seeSuch spirit through the yearOh, that we could always seeSuch spirit through the year...
And like we always say…
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard Week 15
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard week 15
Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus right down the NFL Boulevard. Gotcha didn’t we. Okay well with the games this week we are at 19 teams at or below .500, ain’t parity great. With just 2 weeks to go some teams are making the push to the playoffs others are hanging on by the hair on their chiney chin chin. We will be talking about the playoffs soon. We are making a list and checking it twice, we are going to find out who is naughty and nice. Are you ready? Then let’s get to it. Start the music.
Thanks to the NFL network we have fewer games on Sunday to watch. We are sure that the NFL knows what it is doing by putting it’s product out there for only 35% of the nation to watch. This week’s Thursday Night Match up was Houston and Denver. Mario Williams has become the best player out of the 2006 draft. 17.5 sacks in 30 games is not bad. He had 3 ½ on Thursday and made life difficult for Jay Cutler, and Coach Mike Shanahan. Just a trivia question for you: Which Division currently doesn’t have a team with a losing record?
Final Score was Bronco’s 13 Texans 31. This wasn’t as close as it sounds.
Next up another game that no one could watch on Saturday. The Cincinnati Bengals went west to San Francisco and lost imagine that? This game probably did decide the 9th pick in next year’s draft. The Bengals came, played and lost, which is becoming their Mantra for the season. With 9 losses Cincinnati can’t get to 500 this season, which will be Marvin Lewis’ first losing season. Marvin Lewis replaced the Honorable Dick LeBeau and we hope that Lewis doesn’t get fired. He has ushered back the mediocrity to Cincinnati that they have not seen in long while. What a Pity that this game was on the NFL network so that hardly anyone in the US could watch, we wonder if this game was on in England would they be throwing up their Sheppard’s pie watching.
Final Score was Bengals 13 49ers 31. Way to finish strong 49ers….
Well we guess we should start at the bottom and the bottom this week is located in Big D, Dallas. Jerry Jones is going to have to get Tony Romo thinking about something other than the perfumed inner thigh of Jessica Simpson. This game was absolutely ridiculous, with “Dic” being what Tony was thinking with. The Dallas Defense had a nice game but the Offense was offensive. 53 yards rushing is awful and the three interceptions are not helping. Hey Tony, you had better stop bringing those Blonde Bimbos to the Game against Philadelphia. We remember last year when Carrie Underwood came to the game against the Eagles and you guys got drilled as well. Way to play Spoiler this week Eagles. So let us all look to Dallas and find this week’s Birth Canal Team of the week. We guess since that is what Tony was thinking about they should be it this week.
Final Score was Eagles 10 Dallas 6. We don’t think she has a soft little patch of fur.
Up next we head east and south to the city by the bay, Tampa Bay. We sat on the dock and watch the Falcons roll in then we watched them roll away again. Jeff Garcia was heard yelling about clinching the NFC south. Then he yelled some advice to Michael Vick. “You better clinch your Buccan Butt Cheeks for the next 23 months, Dude.” The Falcons new Quarterback Chris Redman completed 6 passes all day and 2 were to the Buccaneers. Thanks Atlanta for circling your wagons, bunkering in and playing hard to show Former Coach Bobby Petrino that he was wrong for sneaking out in the middle of the night. We are sure he is not second-guessing himself now.
Final Score was Falcons 3 Buccaneers 37. Atlanta couldn’t even lay an egg.
And now for something completely different: our theory has always been that an NFL team can’t travel across the country and win. Seattle has disproved this theory on a couple of occasions now they are just tempting fate. They traveled to Carolina where the Panthers laid in wait for them. Once there, Seattle turned into the team the Panthers thought they were. A bird? It looks like the Seahawks may have taken a queue from the Cardinals from the week before and laid an egg this week. Nice first half by both teams with 11 punts 1 missed FG and one end of half. Oh my, the third quarter didn’t get much better with 2 more punts, a turn over on downs and a field goal. And the fourth quarter both teams turn it on and scored 10 points each. What a boring game.
Final Score was Shehawks 10 Panthers 13, Why wasn’t this game on the NFL network?
Onward and upward we go to Cleveland Ohio. Every kid wants to play in a game like this. With lots of snow, lots of wind, it equals lots of fun. We thought Buffalo would have had been able to play a better game since they live in Buffalo and it snows there most of the year anyway. The Browns kicked two fields. Then Buffalo Punter Brian Moorman decided to see what would happen if he kicked the ball out of the end zone behind him. So he had the deep snapper sail the ball over his head, Moorman kicked the ball out of the end zone and this is what happened next: the official said “that will be two points for the Browns” “Two Points?” “Yes sir points and you get to kick it again.” Moorman said “AARRGGG now I know what Charlie Brown feels like.” We are sitting on the Browns bandwagon but hoping that Buffalo will still win a two more games.
Final Score was Bills 0 Browns 8. Shuffle off to Buffalo….
Okay well let’s head out of the snow and into St Louis. Brett Farve passed his way into the records books one more time. He now has every record known to man for passing a football except touchdowns in a season, that is still Peyton Manning’s for a while. The game was close at half time but for some reason the Rams didn’t come out in the second half. The Packers score 16 points and the game was finally over. This is the crappy week 15 game. Not much to say about it but thank goodness it is over. Yawn.
Final Score was Packers 33 Rams 14. Does anyone else think the word Packer is funny?
Well we shall move across the state to Kansas City and a game between the Chiefs and the Titans. The Chiefs have two more games left thankfully both on the road. We were so disgusted that we don’t know what to say. It is not even fun poking them with a stick. Remember back when you were a kid and you found that dead bird out in the yard? And everyone would get a stick and poked it until the bugs started coming out, well that happened about 3 weeks ago and now it is not fun any more. You know, you have to do something great to have some sort of fall from grace, but this team has nothing; no heart, no desire, no ability, no coaching, but we have mentioned that before. Now we are just beating a dead horse. Tennessee looks like you are finally playing well enough to get to the playoffs; we just hope it is not too late.
Final Score was Titans 26 Chiefs 17 High ho silver away!!! Oh your dead, crap.
Okay well let’s head back north and east. Everyone stay together. No we can’t go to Vermont, all the way to Boston home of the Sith Lord and the Patriots. In Video-gate II the Patriots and Jets are now both accused of taping the other. We understand why a team would tape the Patriots, but why would anybody need to cheat against the Jets? On the second play of the Jets first series Kellen Clemens fell under Jedi Mind tricks of the Sith Lord. He dropped back to pass, threw the ball to Eugene Washington, (Of the Patriots) and let Richard Seymour fall on him. Washington ran the interception in for a touchdown for the first score. Then in comes Chad Pennington, and out goes chances for a win.
Final Score Jets 10 Patriots 20. Those Gawd dang Videa games…
Okay go west young man west we say, okay far enough now head south, Pittsburg, Steel country Baby. Well the Steelers were ready to show everyone just what they were made of against the Jaguars. 7 punts, 1 end of half, and 1 turn over on downs will give us all the indication we need. The Steelers still in the funk of the loss to the Patriots didn’t realize that the Jaguars were playing as well as they were until the 4th quarter. Where they scored 2 touchdowns and piled up 116 of their 217 yards for the whole game. Well looks like this match up may just be a play off game in a couple of weeks unless Pittsburg loses another game and the Browns pass them.
Final score was Jaguars 29 Steelers 22. It was the eye of the Jaguar It’s the thrill of the fight.
Well now everyone will stay together as we move south and west, no this way, hey you are you with our group? Okay then stay with us. Huh, west please, no not in Alabama, or Mississippi, Who plays in Mississippi? Okay right here in New Orleans, with Arizona fighting for their play off lives they just as well have been dead. Kurt Warner was heard saying after the game. “Hey we are who we thought we were. We are the Cardinals don’t you people understand? You can’t find a Cardinal anywhere after Thanksgiving why is everyone still looking for one? ” Well we can find the Cardinals after Thanksgiving, not in first place, not in the playoffs and if it weren’t for the 49ers and the Rams they would be in last place. Now that REGGIE is not in the line up Coach Sean Peyton decided to let Aaron Stecker carry the load. With 22 carries for 95 yards with a long of 15, means that he was pounding the ball into the Cardinal defense. With 21 carries and 80 yards, a very nice job. Well like the old saying, Friends don’t let friends cheer for the Cardinals
Final score was Cardinals 24 Saints 31. We just giggled again.
Let us now move west again, until you get to water, Here we are in the Valley of the Navy, San Diego. Coach Norv Turner has it all figured out now. Keep running the ball until the other team can’t breathe. Then throw it enough to win. Running the ball like the Chargers did they held the ball 41 minutes. That doesn’t bode well for the Lions. We have said before the when the Lions score more than their opponents they win; well they didn’t, so the free fall continues. Jon Kitna’s prediction will not come true, how sad. But for the Fans of the Lions if there are any, is it better to have cheered and lost to never have cheered at all?
Final Score was Lions 14 Chargers 51. The answer is no by the way.
Okay we shall now move north all the way to Oakland, Oakland? Oakland, okay, well the Colts came played and won. Not much else to say here, Huggy bear Jr. had a nice game, but they are over matched. How much longer do we have to wait to see the #1 draft pick JaMarcus Russell 5 to 10 plays is not enough, put him in let him get his lumps. Raider’s owner Al Davis must have put the Velour sweat suit back on as the Raiders lose again. Someone might want to check for his pulse. He may have died back in November he just doesn’t know it. The Colts Clinched the AFC South again, and the Second Seed in the AFC.
Final Score Ws Colts 21 Raiders 14, but didn’t we all expect that?
Okay we will move all the way back across the Country to the Meadowlands, home of Jimmy Hoffa, Lawrence Taylor, and the ghost of Bill Arnsparger. Does anyone remember that roller coaster ride the Giant Fans were on earlier in the Season? Does any one care? Let us see if we can lay this out for everyone, The Giants Started 6 – 2 then in the next 6 games they are 3 – 3 mired in another lost December. It seems like the team from Gotham City is in another pickle? It is almost like the time when the dynamic duo was caught in a periless trap conceived by a Super Villain that eventually would fail. We can only surmise that the Giants are going to lose again. Thanks for the effort Ellie Manning; 18 of 52 is absolutely horrid, but we guess that you knew that already. Are there two more losses in your future if so then the playoffs might not be? Washington your test will be this week; win and you knock out the Viqueens. Can you do it?
Final Score was Redskins 22 Giants 10. Will Coach Tom make it through this collapse?
Well let’s move south to the Baltimore home of the Ravens. If ever a team was ripe for the picking it was the Ravens. We don’t want to hear anything from anyone about how great Baltimore is this season. It all just went to hell in a hand basket. Coach Billick you have just earned the “What the hell were doing this week?” award. Your team was unprepared, uninterested, overmatched and beaten in overtime, by the Dolphins. Thanks God you only have two more weeks and this season will be over. Congrats Coach Cameron on the win. It could not have come at a better time. With new front office Tuna Cakes just announced your win could not come at a better time. This Quote sums it up best. “Eight losses in a row -- I think everything stinks at this point” Mike Flynn Baltimore Center. And yes you are right.
Final Score was Dolphins 22 Ravens 16. Quote the Ravens nevermore!! Yea Dolphins
And finally the Viqueens and the Bears, what a game. Hey Lovie way to Motivate your team for a half, but this game is 60 minutes or did you forget that on your spiral to the bottom. Oh My 32 yards rushing, we have seen better movements in an old folk’s home, careful you don’t break a hip at that pace. Viqueens win Viqueens win. Are they really going to make the playoffs? Hey Bears we have seen better effort from the Chiefs, come on.
Final Score was Da Bears 13 Viqueens 20. Da Terrible.
Well that is it for this week. We are sorry we are running late again. Time just seems to fly by with games on Thursday and Saturday now. Answer to the Trivia Question is the AFC South by the way. We want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Because Santa Claus is coming.
Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed
Roger, ready to move out
And remember like we always say.
Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus right down the NFL Boulevard. Gotcha didn’t we. Okay well with the games this week we are at 19 teams at or below .500, ain’t parity great. With just 2 weeks to go some teams are making the push to the playoffs others are hanging on by the hair on their chiney chin chin. We will be talking about the playoffs soon. We are making a list and checking it twice, we are going to find out who is naughty and nice. Are you ready? Then let’s get to it. Start the music.
Thanks to the NFL network we have fewer games on Sunday to watch. We are sure that the NFL knows what it is doing by putting it’s product out there for only 35% of the nation to watch. This week’s Thursday Night Match up was Houston and Denver. Mario Williams has become the best player out of the 2006 draft. 17.5 sacks in 30 games is not bad. He had 3 ½ on Thursday and made life difficult for Jay Cutler, and Coach Mike Shanahan. Just a trivia question for you: Which Division currently doesn’t have a team with a losing record?
Final Score was Bronco’s 13 Texans 31. This wasn’t as close as it sounds.
Next up another game that no one could watch on Saturday. The Cincinnati Bengals went west to San Francisco and lost imagine that? This game probably did decide the 9th pick in next year’s draft. The Bengals came, played and lost, which is becoming their Mantra for the season. With 9 losses Cincinnati can’t get to 500 this season, which will be Marvin Lewis’ first losing season. Marvin Lewis replaced the Honorable Dick LeBeau and we hope that Lewis doesn’t get fired. He has ushered back the mediocrity to Cincinnati that they have not seen in long while. What a Pity that this game was on the NFL network so that hardly anyone in the US could watch, we wonder if this game was on in England would they be throwing up their Sheppard’s pie watching.
Final Score was Bengals 13 49ers 31. Way to finish strong 49ers….
Well we guess we should start at the bottom and the bottom this week is located in Big D, Dallas. Jerry Jones is going to have to get Tony Romo thinking about something other than the perfumed inner thigh of Jessica Simpson. This game was absolutely ridiculous, with “Dic” being what Tony was thinking with. The Dallas Defense had a nice game but the Offense was offensive. 53 yards rushing is awful and the three interceptions are not helping. Hey Tony, you had better stop bringing those Blonde Bimbos to the Game against Philadelphia. We remember last year when Carrie Underwood came to the game against the Eagles and you guys got drilled as well. Way to play Spoiler this week Eagles. So let us all look to Dallas and find this week’s Birth Canal Team of the week. We guess since that is what Tony was thinking about they should be it this week.
Final Score was Eagles 10 Dallas 6. We don’t think she has a soft little patch of fur.
Up next we head east and south to the city by the bay, Tampa Bay. We sat on the dock and watch the Falcons roll in then we watched them roll away again. Jeff Garcia was heard yelling about clinching the NFC south. Then he yelled some advice to Michael Vick. “You better clinch your Buccan Butt Cheeks for the next 23 months, Dude.” The Falcons new Quarterback Chris Redman completed 6 passes all day and 2 were to the Buccaneers. Thanks Atlanta for circling your wagons, bunkering in and playing hard to show Former Coach Bobby Petrino that he was wrong for sneaking out in the middle of the night. We are sure he is not second-guessing himself now.
Final Score was Falcons 3 Buccaneers 37. Atlanta couldn’t even lay an egg.
And now for something completely different: our theory has always been that an NFL team can’t travel across the country and win. Seattle has disproved this theory on a couple of occasions now they are just tempting fate. They traveled to Carolina where the Panthers laid in wait for them. Once there, Seattle turned into the team the Panthers thought they were. A bird? It looks like the Seahawks may have taken a queue from the Cardinals from the week before and laid an egg this week. Nice first half by both teams with 11 punts 1 missed FG and one end of half. Oh my, the third quarter didn’t get much better with 2 more punts, a turn over on downs and a field goal. And the fourth quarter both teams turn it on and scored 10 points each. What a boring game.
Final Score was Shehawks 10 Panthers 13, Why wasn’t this game on the NFL network?
Onward and upward we go to Cleveland Ohio. Every kid wants to play in a game like this. With lots of snow, lots of wind, it equals lots of fun. We thought Buffalo would have had been able to play a better game since they live in Buffalo and it snows there most of the year anyway. The Browns kicked two fields. Then Buffalo Punter Brian Moorman decided to see what would happen if he kicked the ball out of the end zone behind him. So he had the deep snapper sail the ball over his head, Moorman kicked the ball out of the end zone and this is what happened next: the official said “that will be two points for the Browns” “Two Points?” “Yes sir points and you get to kick it again.” Moorman said “AARRGGG now I know what Charlie Brown feels like.” We are sitting on the Browns bandwagon but hoping that Buffalo will still win a two more games.
Final Score was Bills 0 Browns 8. Shuffle off to Buffalo….
Okay well let’s head out of the snow and into St Louis. Brett Farve passed his way into the records books one more time. He now has every record known to man for passing a football except touchdowns in a season, that is still Peyton Manning’s for a while. The game was close at half time but for some reason the Rams didn’t come out in the second half. The Packers score 16 points and the game was finally over. This is the crappy week 15 game. Not much to say about it but thank goodness it is over. Yawn.
Final Score was Packers 33 Rams 14. Does anyone else think the word Packer is funny?
Well we shall move across the state to Kansas City and a game between the Chiefs and the Titans. The Chiefs have two more games left thankfully both on the road. We were so disgusted that we don’t know what to say. It is not even fun poking them with a stick. Remember back when you were a kid and you found that dead bird out in the yard? And everyone would get a stick and poked it until the bugs started coming out, well that happened about 3 weeks ago and now it is not fun any more. You know, you have to do something great to have some sort of fall from grace, but this team has nothing; no heart, no desire, no ability, no coaching, but we have mentioned that before. Now we are just beating a dead horse. Tennessee looks like you are finally playing well enough to get to the playoffs; we just hope it is not too late.
Final Score was Titans 26 Chiefs 17 High ho silver away!!! Oh your dead, crap.
Okay well let’s head back north and east. Everyone stay together. No we can’t go to Vermont, all the way to Boston home of the Sith Lord and the Patriots. In Video-gate II the Patriots and Jets are now both accused of taping the other. We understand why a team would tape the Patriots, but why would anybody need to cheat against the Jets? On the second play of the Jets first series Kellen Clemens fell under Jedi Mind tricks of the Sith Lord. He dropped back to pass, threw the ball to Eugene Washington, (Of the Patriots) and let Richard Seymour fall on him. Washington ran the interception in for a touchdown for the first score. Then in comes Chad Pennington, and out goes chances for a win.
Final Score Jets 10 Patriots 20. Those Gawd dang Videa games…
Okay go west young man west we say, okay far enough now head south, Pittsburg, Steel country Baby. Well the Steelers were ready to show everyone just what they were made of against the Jaguars. 7 punts, 1 end of half, and 1 turn over on downs will give us all the indication we need. The Steelers still in the funk of the loss to the Patriots didn’t realize that the Jaguars were playing as well as they were until the 4th quarter. Where they scored 2 touchdowns and piled up 116 of their 217 yards for the whole game. Well looks like this match up may just be a play off game in a couple of weeks unless Pittsburg loses another game and the Browns pass them.
Final score was Jaguars 29 Steelers 22. It was the eye of the Jaguar It’s the thrill of the fight.
Well now everyone will stay together as we move south and west, no this way, hey you are you with our group? Okay then stay with us. Huh, west please, no not in Alabama, or Mississippi, Who plays in Mississippi? Okay right here in New Orleans, with Arizona fighting for their play off lives they just as well have been dead. Kurt Warner was heard saying after the game. “Hey we are who we thought we were. We are the Cardinals don’t you people understand? You can’t find a Cardinal anywhere after Thanksgiving why is everyone still looking for one? ” Well we can find the Cardinals after Thanksgiving, not in first place, not in the playoffs and if it weren’t for the 49ers and the Rams they would be in last place. Now that REGGIE is not in the line up Coach Sean Peyton decided to let Aaron Stecker carry the load. With 22 carries for 95 yards with a long of 15, means that he was pounding the ball into the Cardinal defense. With 21 carries and 80 yards, a very nice job. Well like the old saying, Friends don’t let friends cheer for the Cardinals
Final score was Cardinals 24 Saints 31. We just giggled again.
Let us now move west again, until you get to water, Here we are in the Valley of the Navy, San Diego. Coach Norv Turner has it all figured out now. Keep running the ball until the other team can’t breathe. Then throw it enough to win. Running the ball like the Chargers did they held the ball 41 minutes. That doesn’t bode well for the Lions. We have said before the when the Lions score more than their opponents they win; well they didn’t, so the free fall continues. Jon Kitna’s prediction will not come true, how sad. But for the Fans of the Lions if there are any, is it better to have cheered and lost to never have cheered at all?
Final Score was Lions 14 Chargers 51. The answer is no by the way.
Okay we shall now move north all the way to Oakland, Oakland? Oakland, okay, well the Colts came played and won. Not much else to say here, Huggy bear Jr. had a nice game, but they are over matched. How much longer do we have to wait to see the #1 draft pick JaMarcus Russell 5 to 10 plays is not enough, put him in let him get his lumps. Raider’s owner Al Davis must have put the Velour sweat suit back on as the Raiders lose again. Someone might want to check for his pulse. He may have died back in November he just doesn’t know it. The Colts Clinched the AFC South again, and the Second Seed in the AFC.
Final Score Ws Colts 21 Raiders 14, but didn’t we all expect that?
Okay we will move all the way back across the Country to the Meadowlands, home of Jimmy Hoffa, Lawrence Taylor, and the ghost of Bill Arnsparger. Does anyone remember that roller coaster ride the Giant Fans were on earlier in the Season? Does any one care? Let us see if we can lay this out for everyone, The Giants Started 6 – 2 then in the next 6 games they are 3 – 3 mired in another lost December. It seems like the team from Gotham City is in another pickle? It is almost like the time when the dynamic duo was caught in a periless trap conceived by a Super Villain that eventually would fail. We can only surmise that the Giants are going to lose again. Thanks for the effort Ellie Manning; 18 of 52 is absolutely horrid, but we guess that you knew that already. Are there two more losses in your future if so then the playoffs might not be? Washington your test will be this week; win and you knock out the Viqueens. Can you do it?
Final Score was Redskins 22 Giants 10. Will Coach Tom make it through this collapse?
Well let’s move south to the Baltimore home of the Ravens. If ever a team was ripe for the picking it was the Ravens. We don’t want to hear anything from anyone about how great Baltimore is this season. It all just went to hell in a hand basket. Coach Billick you have just earned the “What the hell were doing this week?” award. Your team was unprepared, uninterested, overmatched and beaten in overtime, by the Dolphins. Thanks God you only have two more weeks and this season will be over. Congrats Coach Cameron on the win. It could not have come at a better time. With new front office Tuna Cakes just announced your win could not come at a better time. This Quote sums it up best. “Eight losses in a row -- I think everything stinks at this point” Mike Flynn Baltimore Center. And yes you are right.
Final Score was Dolphins 22 Ravens 16. Quote the Ravens nevermore!! Yea Dolphins
And finally the Viqueens and the Bears, what a game. Hey Lovie way to Motivate your team for a half, but this game is 60 minutes or did you forget that on your spiral to the bottom. Oh My 32 yards rushing, we have seen better movements in an old folk’s home, careful you don’t break a hip at that pace. Viqueens win Viqueens win. Are they really going to make the playoffs? Hey Bears we have seen better effort from the Chiefs, come on.
Final Score was Da Bears 13 Viqueens 20. Da Terrible.
Well that is it for this week. We are sorry we are running late again. Time just seems to fly by with games on Thursday and Saturday now. Answer to the Trivia Question is the AFC South by the way. We want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Because Santa Claus is coming.
Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed
Roger, ready to move out
And remember like we always say.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard Week 14
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 14
Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul. We are getting closer and closer can you feel the excitement? Are you watching? Can you smell it in the air? Are you deciding if your team is going to make it? Are you looking at the standings trying to figure out if your team will get help from the other teams and beat that team? Are you looking at the Scenario’s to see if it is all going to work out? Don’t worry we are doing all that for you and there is one thing we have found. There are 32 teams in the NFL and after 13 games there are 18 teams with a losing record. Parity, ain’t it great? Hey why don’t we start? Hit the Music.
Okay we told you before that Bears will lose a game and then win a game. But there was always the possibility that they would lose two games in a row. Did anyone see this game? 10 Punts, 3 missed field goals 3 turnovers, 2 drives that ended with the end of a half. Exciting, yes? 4 Field goals, oh my, is this over yet? Good Lord, are they playing football? Both teams had their starting quarterback knocked out of the game, and it looked bleak at best. Well the game wasn’t as close as it seemed, Todd Collins came in and led the Redskins to the win they should have had last week. Todd Collins? Todd Collins? Huh? We thought he was coaching some high school in Wyoming. This week even Joe Gibbs couldn’t keep the Redskins from winning and honoring the memory of Sean Taylor. Finally Lovie Smith doesn’t have a quarterback controversy, Rex Grossman is hurt and Brian Griese just plain sucks so Kyle Horton will be back in the saddle for the Bears in coming weeks.
Final Score was Da Bears 16 and Redskins 23. Thank god no one watched this game.
Well starting at the bottom seems like we are starting at the bottom of Ohio. Cincinnati and St Louis played a game, Oh my, what words could be used to describe this game? How about boring, uninteresting, dull, mind-numbing, and tiresome? At this time of the year there are games on the schedule that have to be played. Welcome to Crappy game of the week 14. Watching highlights of this game put us to sleep, we think. All we remember is the announcer said up next is Bengals and Rams, and the next thing we knew there was a commercial for UPS?
Final Score was Rams 10 Yawn, Bengals 19, but did anyone watch?
Okay well strolling down the Boulevard to the south and west, we salute the former Kansas City Chief owner Lamar Hunt. We want to give you the props you deserve. You helped create the AFL and the merger creating the NFL as we know it. Your team has decided to dedicate this season to you. Chief Coach Lance-a-Lot Link was heard to say “Right now our strength, if we have a strength, is our defense.” Wow that strength gave up 41 points in this game. Wow that accounts for about 26 % of their total points allowed for their current losing streak. Thank God the Offense isn’t the strength since they only gained 129 yards. Hey Denver thanks for showing us you can still score points; we wish you would have done it before your season was over.
Final score Chiefs 7 Broncos 41?
Well let’s just keep going west over the mountains and through the woods to grandmother’s house we go. Well maybe not grandmother’s house but the house of the 49ers. The 49ers have had the best scheme to stop Adrian Peterson this year. Let’s look at his numbers 14 carries for 3 yards with a long of 4 making his true stats 13 carries for -1 yard. -1 yard? -1 yard? Are you kidding us? Well the Viqueens rolled in the first half then rested in the second. Before the second half kick off San Francisco scored a touchdown and then went back in the locker room. Then the 49ers had a fan festival during the second half. During the second half the fans wandered around on the field, drank some Gatorade, moved the chains, and through some flags on each other. Mercifully the clock ran down and the police sent the fans home.
Final Score was Viqueens 27 the 49ers 7. Ho hum not very exciting.
We will move up the coast, no north, no your other north, okay a little more, a little more. Okay right there, in Seattle the Cardinals had a chance to prove they belong in the playoff hunt, with victories over AFC teams like Pittsburg and Cleveland. Need we remind you these are the Cardinals? What are the Cardinals? Let us help. We heard it; you there in the back, yes you. That is right they are birds and what do birds do? Fly correct but not what we were thinking. Yes, they lay eggs? And what did the Cardinals do on Sunday? They laid an egg. Kurt Warner threw 5 interceptions and was sacked 5 times wow what a game. The Seahawks had a nice game with 4 touchdowns.
Final Score was Cardinals 21 Seahawks 42. Didn’t we all expect this?
Let us stroll to the east across Montana, North Dakota, to God’s country, Wisconsin. The great Brett Farve came back from injury to lead his Packers (Still a funny name) to a win and clinch the NFC North. This lends more credence to our theory that you can’t travel across country and win. The Raider flew into Green bay and found winter. At 18 degrees Green Bay is not the place to be if you are from California. The game was close at half time with Green Bay up 14 to 7. But alas the cold got to the Raiders and they didn’t even come out of the locker room in the second half. Green Bay tacked on 24 more points. Even Huggy bear couldn’t keep warm; he looked as if he was hibernating. At the end of the he was heard yelling in the Locker “Come on Boo Boo we have to get a picnic basket.
Final Frozen Score was Raiders 7 Packers 34. Our tongue is stuck to the goal post now.
It is too cold up here let’s move south and east to warmer weather. Fantastic right there, Jacksonville can you feel the love. We are here to answer the age old question can a Jaguar beat a Panther in a cat fight? And yes they can as Jacksonville had their way with Carolina like a Fred does with Wilma after a night of Bowling and heavy drinking with Barney. Old twinkle toes Fred Taylor scored on an 80 yard run and the Jacksonville defense allowed only 10 first downs. So everyone step and touch that soft patch of fur known as the Carolina Panthers this week’s Birth Canal Team of the week. We have seen better effort from chicken laying eggs. Carolina ended up with Cat Scratch Fever that should last the rest of the season.
Final Score was Panthers 6 Jacksonville 37. And the game wasn’t that close.
Well we shall stroll back North and west, no a little more, west, no not there, north, little more…. Okay Lets talk about the how teams can’t travel across country and win. The San Diego Chargers came to Tennessee looking for a win and found much more than they bargained for. Down 14 points in the fourth quarter the Chargers finally came alive or woke up as the case may be. They Scored 20 unanswered points to win. Wow what a way to stay Classy San Diego. I guess you can travel across country and win with LaDainian Tomlinson. This was supposed to be the year of the Titan. Well we know that Vince Young didn’t score well on the Wonder lick test given by the NFL for incoming players, we just wonder if the test was rib licking would his score have been low as well?
Final Score was Chargers 23 Titans 17 in Overtime.
Okay let’s all move to the south and to the west just a bit. No a little more. Hey you, stay with the group, would you get out of Louisiana please they have had enough trouble without your big feet all over them. Okay a little more west. Now right here in the Sewer. Houston has a rich tradition of Football history: OA Bum Phillips, Earl Campbell, the Oilers, the Astrodome, the Bluebonnet bowl, Warren Moon and the rest. But all that pales in comparison to the current Houston Texan Franchise. GOTCHA!!! Okay we were just kidding. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers rode into town with a 4 game winning steak. And left town without the following: the NFC south title, their Pride, dignity, or a win. Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme were all on the rack for Houston to choose from. And they chose well. Their Battle cry was “Jeff Garcia is out of this Buccan Game!!” “Let’s win one for us” and they did. It’s as simple as that.
Final Score Buccaneers 14 the Texans 28. Good Luck with all that…
Well here we go, north and east keep going no not that way this way, a little more north now is everyone here? Okay. Here we are at the Meadowlands sorry, but we have to come here at least once a week. The J-E-T-S are so inconsistent. We have to explain a little bit; the Jets are like and elevator they go up and down each season. From 2002 to this year they have been: 9 - 7, 6 -10, 10 – 6, 4 – 12, 10 – 6. So this year will they be 3 – 13? Cleveland came, played, and won. That is what a good team does. That is something that the Steelers didn’t do this season. Not much else on this game. Hey Romeo, Romeo are you there behind the bush?
Final Score was Browns 24 Jets 18. Ho hum…
Okay moving north and to the west, up here, this way, stay together, don’t cross the Boulevard there. AARRRGGG Boy if you don’t get over here… Would you get back on the US side? Okay here we are in Buffalo. Oh my. Miami is just terrible Only from Florida could you get the perfectly imperfect. The Dolphins might just match the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for football futility. It seems like somewhere they would have won a game. But alas, no it is not to be. Hey Buffalo what might have been if you could recover an onside kick against Dallas or not falter against the Bronco’s? The Bronco’s? You could be 9 and 4 not just 7 and 6. Okay here it comes the time for you to stand up. The world is watching you. Can you feel it? Show us you can go on the road and win. We will all be watching.
Final Score was Dolphins 17 Bills 38. Here we come walking down the street.
Okay well lefts turn left here and head south, now turn just a bit to the left, no left. Right there okay Welcome to Philadelphia, well it looks like Donavan McNabb got his hug and all is right with the world. This was a classic NFC East battle with playoff implications on the line. A Tough, hard hitting game that the fans of the NFL have come to expect. You know what we mean 12 punts, 5 field goals, and only 2 touchdowns. If you stop Brian Westbrook you stop the Eagles, Well the Giants didn’t, 154 total yards is not considered stopping and you almost lost the game. Do you remember back earlier in the season when the Giants and Eagles played the first time? 12 sacks as we recall, can’t break out of a wet paper sack. Sound familiar? Well McNabb nearly beat you, but unlike in hand grenades and horseshoe “Almost” counts for nothing, Dude. Hey Coach Coughlin we are still waiting for your team to beat a team with a winning record. Your team as won 9 games so far, but the best win we can find is Washington, are you kidding. Hey coach Reid good luck getting to .500 this year.
Final Score was Giants 16 Eagles 13. !*#&$^@^#%*@#(%$)
We will now head back north, no this way, okay hey you, not in Maine, What in the hell are you doing in Maine? No Here! In Boston…. Oh my Lord. Okay are we ready? More Jedi mind tricks this week as the Sith Lord made Anthony Smith of the Pittsburg Steelers Guarantee Victory. This only fueled his Patriots more. Tom Brady threw the ball, Randy Moss, Jabar Gaffney, and Wes Welker caught the ball and scored the touchdowns. We think that Pittsburg went into half-time thinking they were ahead then at the end of the game looked up and found that they had lost. (Another Jedi mind trick if you ask us) Okay 13 – 0 and no one left to play on your schedule. Maybe Peyton Manning will have a chance in the playoffs. We can only hope.
Final Score was Pittsburg 13 the Empire 34. C3-PO is Crapping in his metal Boxers.
Okay now let us move back south a little more, now a hard left, west young man head west, to the Land of milk and honey, Michigan. Milk and honey? Okay maybe Cars and exhaust fumes and Home of the Detroit Lions who are still on their bungee jump from 6-2 now to 6-7. Tony Romo tossed a touchdown pass with 13 seconds to go. On the Detroit Sideline quarterback Jon Kitna tried to rally his troops, “Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! We can do it” Coach Rod Marinelli could only shake his head, “We did everything right but win the game.” That sums it up best we think. Cowboys win the NFC east, moved one step closer to clinching home field advantage in the playoffs. 12-1 is the best start in Cowboy history. Dandy Don Merideth would be proud.
Final Score was Cowboys 28 Lions 27. Sorry we just giggled again.
Well lets move south a little to Indianapolis and the game between the Ravens and Colts. This was a playoff game last year, this year it is two teams going in different directions. Peyton Manning threw 4 touchdowns, and Kyle Boller threw 3 interceptions and that shows how different these two teams are. Coach Brian Billick will probably be out of a job in a couple of weeks. That defense of Baltimore gave up 44 points to Peyton Manning without his best receiver. It was just awful; it was another game the NBC broadcast had and should have been on sometime in the middle of the night because no one wants to watch a blowout like this.
Final Score was Colts 44 Ravens 20. Quote the Raven nevermore. Please.
Okay and now for the last stop on this week’s Stroll, Atlanta, and the Saints. This game had plenty of controversy now that Michael Vick has been sentenced to 23 months. We were very excited to watch REGGIE Bush run all over the pourus, at best, Falcon Defense. As we popped our corn and sat in front of the tube, we found that REGGIE was being held out of the game and was being shut down for the rest of the season, So here are the Stats of the Greatest Running back in the history of the NFL: he had 157 carries for 581 yards that equates to 48 yards rushing per game. His Receiving stats were 73 catches for 417 yards that is a 35 yard average. We also know how explosive he is Retuning the ball on punts and kickoffs, he had 3 punt returns for 12 yards, and those 12 yards pushed him over the one thousand mark for the season and into some bonus money we are sure. 1010 yards for the season not bad, 84 yards per game leading his team to a 5-7 record. And now what hurts our feelings the most is that all the Pro Football Analysts are trying to back track on their prediction of him being the greatest running back in the history of the NFL. Come ON People stand up for your beliefs, take your lumps we have been saying for 2 years that REGGIE is, at best, an average running back/receiver in the league. We have even mentioned his stats here each week, but alas no more. And does anyone remember when we said that the best thing that could have happen for Bobby Petrino was for Lloyd Carr to leave Michigan? Well Petrino jumped off of Atlanta’s Sinking ship like a rat and took the head coaching job at Arkansas.
Final Score was Saints 34 Falcons 14. We just giggled again.
Well that is it for this week. We sure do hope that you take pleasure in reading this as much as we did while putting it together. So “With a corn cob pipe and button nose and two eyes made out of coal” were bid you farewell. We would like to leave you with this:
"It's the New Zoo Revue, coming right at you, Where three delightful animals have fun with what they do."
"Delicate and feminine is Henrietta Hippo."
"Very wise and very smart is Charlie the Owl."
"Lots of spark with lots of parties, Freddie the Frog."
And like we always say…..
Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul. We are getting closer and closer can you feel the excitement? Are you watching? Can you smell it in the air? Are you deciding if your team is going to make it? Are you looking at the standings trying to figure out if your team will get help from the other teams and beat that team? Are you looking at the Scenario’s to see if it is all going to work out? Don’t worry we are doing all that for you and there is one thing we have found. There are 32 teams in the NFL and after 13 games there are 18 teams with a losing record. Parity, ain’t it great? Hey why don’t we start? Hit the Music.
Okay we told you before that Bears will lose a game and then win a game. But there was always the possibility that they would lose two games in a row. Did anyone see this game? 10 Punts, 3 missed field goals 3 turnovers, 2 drives that ended with the end of a half. Exciting, yes? 4 Field goals, oh my, is this over yet? Good Lord, are they playing football? Both teams had their starting quarterback knocked out of the game, and it looked bleak at best. Well the game wasn’t as close as it seemed, Todd Collins came in and led the Redskins to the win they should have had last week. Todd Collins? Todd Collins? Huh? We thought he was coaching some high school in Wyoming. This week even Joe Gibbs couldn’t keep the Redskins from winning and honoring the memory of Sean Taylor. Finally Lovie Smith doesn’t have a quarterback controversy, Rex Grossman is hurt and Brian Griese just plain sucks so Kyle Horton will be back in the saddle for the Bears in coming weeks.
Final Score was Da Bears 16 and Redskins 23. Thank god no one watched this game.
Well starting at the bottom seems like we are starting at the bottom of Ohio. Cincinnati and St Louis played a game, Oh my, what words could be used to describe this game? How about boring, uninteresting, dull, mind-numbing, and tiresome? At this time of the year there are games on the schedule that have to be played. Welcome to Crappy game of the week 14. Watching highlights of this game put us to sleep, we think. All we remember is the announcer said up next is Bengals and Rams, and the next thing we knew there was a commercial for UPS?
Final Score was Rams 10 Yawn, Bengals 19, but did anyone watch?
Okay well strolling down the Boulevard to the south and west, we salute the former Kansas City Chief owner Lamar Hunt. We want to give you the props you deserve. You helped create the AFL and the merger creating the NFL as we know it. Your team has decided to dedicate this season to you. Chief Coach Lance-a-Lot Link was heard to say “Right now our strength, if we have a strength, is our defense.” Wow that strength gave up 41 points in this game. Wow that accounts for about 26 % of their total points allowed for their current losing streak. Thank God the Offense isn’t the strength since they only gained 129 yards. Hey Denver thanks for showing us you can still score points; we wish you would have done it before your season was over.
Final score Chiefs 7 Broncos 41?
Well let’s just keep going west over the mountains and through the woods to grandmother’s house we go. Well maybe not grandmother’s house but the house of the 49ers. The 49ers have had the best scheme to stop Adrian Peterson this year. Let’s look at his numbers 14 carries for 3 yards with a long of 4 making his true stats 13 carries for -1 yard. -1 yard? -1 yard? Are you kidding us? Well the Viqueens rolled in the first half then rested in the second. Before the second half kick off San Francisco scored a touchdown and then went back in the locker room. Then the 49ers had a fan festival during the second half. During the second half the fans wandered around on the field, drank some Gatorade, moved the chains, and through some flags on each other. Mercifully the clock ran down and the police sent the fans home.
Final Score was Viqueens 27 the 49ers 7. Ho hum not very exciting.
We will move up the coast, no north, no your other north, okay a little more, a little more. Okay right there, in Seattle the Cardinals had a chance to prove they belong in the playoff hunt, with victories over AFC teams like Pittsburg and Cleveland. Need we remind you these are the Cardinals? What are the Cardinals? Let us help. We heard it; you there in the back, yes you. That is right they are birds and what do birds do? Fly correct but not what we were thinking. Yes, they lay eggs? And what did the Cardinals do on Sunday? They laid an egg. Kurt Warner threw 5 interceptions and was sacked 5 times wow what a game. The Seahawks had a nice game with 4 touchdowns.
Final Score was Cardinals 21 Seahawks 42. Didn’t we all expect this?
Let us stroll to the east across Montana, North Dakota, to God’s country, Wisconsin. The great Brett Farve came back from injury to lead his Packers (Still a funny name) to a win and clinch the NFC North. This lends more credence to our theory that you can’t travel across country and win. The Raider flew into Green bay and found winter. At 18 degrees Green Bay is not the place to be if you are from California. The game was close at half time with Green Bay up 14 to 7. But alas the cold got to the Raiders and they didn’t even come out of the locker room in the second half. Green Bay tacked on 24 more points. Even Huggy bear couldn’t keep warm; he looked as if he was hibernating. At the end of the he was heard yelling in the Locker “Come on Boo Boo we have to get a picnic basket.
Final Frozen Score was Raiders 7 Packers 34. Our tongue is stuck to the goal post now.
It is too cold up here let’s move south and east to warmer weather. Fantastic right there, Jacksonville can you feel the love. We are here to answer the age old question can a Jaguar beat a Panther in a cat fight? And yes they can as Jacksonville had their way with Carolina like a Fred does with Wilma after a night of Bowling and heavy drinking with Barney. Old twinkle toes Fred Taylor scored on an 80 yard run and the Jacksonville defense allowed only 10 first downs. So everyone step and touch that soft patch of fur known as the Carolina Panthers this week’s Birth Canal Team of the week. We have seen better effort from chicken laying eggs. Carolina ended up with Cat Scratch Fever that should last the rest of the season.
Final Score was Panthers 6 Jacksonville 37. And the game wasn’t that close.
Well we shall stroll back North and west, no a little more, west, no not there, north, little more…. Okay Lets talk about the how teams can’t travel across country and win. The San Diego Chargers came to Tennessee looking for a win and found much more than they bargained for. Down 14 points in the fourth quarter the Chargers finally came alive or woke up as the case may be. They Scored 20 unanswered points to win. Wow what a way to stay Classy San Diego. I guess you can travel across country and win with LaDainian Tomlinson. This was supposed to be the year of the Titan. Well we know that Vince Young didn’t score well on the Wonder lick test given by the NFL for incoming players, we just wonder if the test was rib licking would his score have been low as well?
Final Score was Chargers 23 Titans 17 in Overtime.
Okay let’s all move to the south and to the west just a bit. No a little more. Hey you, stay with the group, would you get out of Louisiana please they have had enough trouble without your big feet all over them. Okay a little more west. Now right here in the Sewer. Houston has a rich tradition of Football history: OA Bum Phillips, Earl Campbell, the Oilers, the Astrodome, the Bluebonnet bowl, Warren Moon and the rest. But all that pales in comparison to the current Houston Texan Franchise. GOTCHA!!! Okay we were just kidding. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers rode into town with a 4 game winning steak. And left town without the following: the NFC south title, their Pride, dignity, or a win. Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme were all on the rack for Houston to choose from. And they chose well. Their Battle cry was “Jeff Garcia is out of this Buccan Game!!” “Let’s win one for us” and they did. It’s as simple as that.
Final Score Buccaneers 14 the Texans 28. Good Luck with all that…
Well here we go, north and east keep going no not that way this way, a little more north now is everyone here? Okay. Here we are at the Meadowlands sorry, but we have to come here at least once a week. The J-E-T-S are so inconsistent. We have to explain a little bit; the Jets are like and elevator they go up and down each season. From 2002 to this year they have been: 9 - 7, 6 -10, 10 – 6, 4 – 12, 10 – 6. So this year will they be 3 – 13? Cleveland came, played, and won. That is what a good team does. That is something that the Steelers didn’t do this season. Not much else on this game. Hey Romeo, Romeo are you there behind the bush?
Final Score was Browns 24 Jets 18. Ho hum…
Okay moving north and to the west, up here, this way, stay together, don’t cross the Boulevard there. AARRRGGG Boy if you don’t get over here… Would you get back on the US side? Okay here we are in Buffalo. Oh my. Miami is just terrible Only from Florida could you get the perfectly imperfect. The Dolphins might just match the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for football futility. It seems like somewhere they would have won a game. But alas, no it is not to be. Hey Buffalo what might have been if you could recover an onside kick against Dallas or not falter against the Bronco’s? The Bronco’s? You could be 9 and 4 not just 7 and 6. Okay here it comes the time for you to stand up. The world is watching you. Can you feel it? Show us you can go on the road and win. We will all be watching.
Final Score was Dolphins 17 Bills 38. Here we come walking down the street.
Okay well lefts turn left here and head south, now turn just a bit to the left, no left. Right there okay Welcome to Philadelphia, well it looks like Donavan McNabb got his hug and all is right with the world. This was a classic NFC East battle with playoff implications on the line. A Tough, hard hitting game that the fans of the NFL have come to expect. You know what we mean 12 punts, 5 field goals, and only 2 touchdowns. If you stop Brian Westbrook you stop the Eagles, Well the Giants didn’t, 154 total yards is not considered stopping and you almost lost the game. Do you remember back earlier in the season when the Giants and Eagles played the first time? 12 sacks as we recall, can’t break out of a wet paper sack. Sound familiar? Well McNabb nearly beat you, but unlike in hand grenades and horseshoe “Almost” counts for nothing, Dude. Hey Coach Coughlin we are still waiting for your team to beat a team with a winning record. Your team as won 9 games so far, but the best win we can find is Washington, are you kidding. Hey coach Reid good luck getting to .500 this year.
Final Score was Giants 16 Eagles 13. !*#&$^@^#%*@#(%$)
We will now head back north, no this way, okay hey you, not in Maine, What in the hell are you doing in Maine? No Here! In Boston…. Oh my Lord. Okay are we ready? More Jedi mind tricks this week as the Sith Lord made Anthony Smith of the Pittsburg Steelers Guarantee Victory. This only fueled his Patriots more. Tom Brady threw the ball, Randy Moss, Jabar Gaffney, and Wes Welker caught the ball and scored the touchdowns. We think that Pittsburg went into half-time thinking they were ahead then at the end of the game looked up and found that they had lost. (Another Jedi mind trick if you ask us) Okay 13 – 0 and no one left to play on your schedule. Maybe Peyton Manning will have a chance in the playoffs. We can only hope.
Final Score was Pittsburg 13 the Empire 34. C3-PO is Crapping in his metal Boxers.
Okay now let us move back south a little more, now a hard left, west young man head west, to the Land of milk and honey, Michigan. Milk and honey? Okay maybe Cars and exhaust fumes and Home of the Detroit Lions who are still on their bungee jump from 6-2 now to 6-7. Tony Romo tossed a touchdown pass with 13 seconds to go. On the Detroit Sideline quarterback Jon Kitna tried to rally his troops, “Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! We can do it” Coach Rod Marinelli could only shake his head, “We did everything right but win the game.” That sums it up best we think. Cowboys win the NFC east, moved one step closer to clinching home field advantage in the playoffs. 12-1 is the best start in Cowboy history. Dandy Don Merideth would be proud.
Final Score was Cowboys 28 Lions 27. Sorry we just giggled again.
Well lets move south a little to Indianapolis and the game between the Ravens and Colts. This was a playoff game last year, this year it is two teams going in different directions. Peyton Manning threw 4 touchdowns, and Kyle Boller threw 3 interceptions and that shows how different these two teams are. Coach Brian Billick will probably be out of a job in a couple of weeks. That defense of Baltimore gave up 44 points to Peyton Manning without his best receiver. It was just awful; it was another game the NBC broadcast had and should have been on sometime in the middle of the night because no one wants to watch a blowout like this.
Final Score was Colts 44 Ravens 20. Quote the Raven nevermore. Please.
Okay and now for the last stop on this week’s Stroll, Atlanta, and the Saints. This game had plenty of controversy now that Michael Vick has been sentenced to 23 months. We were very excited to watch REGGIE Bush run all over the pourus, at best, Falcon Defense. As we popped our corn and sat in front of the tube, we found that REGGIE was being held out of the game and was being shut down for the rest of the season, So here are the Stats of the Greatest Running back in the history of the NFL: he had 157 carries for 581 yards that equates to 48 yards rushing per game. His Receiving stats were 73 catches for 417 yards that is a 35 yard average. We also know how explosive he is Retuning the ball on punts and kickoffs, he had 3 punt returns for 12 yards, and those 12 yards pushed him over the one thousand mark for the season and into some bonus money we are sure. 1010 yards for the season not bad, 84 yards per game leading his team to a 5-7 record. And now what hurts our feelings the most is that all the Pro Football Analysts are trying to back track on their prediction of him being the greatest running back in the history of the NFL. Come ON People stand up for your beliefs, take your lumps we have been saying for 2 years that REGGIE is, at best, an average running back/receiver in the league. We have even mentioned his stats here each week, but alas no more. And does anyone remember when we said that the best thing that could have happen for Bobby Petrino was for Lloyd Carr to leave Michigan? Well Petrino jumped off of Atlanta’s Sinking ship like a rat and took the head coaching job at Arkansas.
Final Score was Saints 34 Falcons 14. We just giggled again.
Well that is it for this week. We sure do hope that you take pleasure in reading this as much as we did while putting it together. So “With a corn cob pipe and button nose and two eyes made out of coal” were bid you farewell. We would like to leave you with this:
"It's the New Zoo Revue, coming right at you, Where three delightful animals have fun with what they do."
"Delicate and feminine is Henrietta Hippo."
"Very wise and very smart is Charlie the Owl."
"Lots of spark with lots of parties, Freddie the Frog."
And like we always say…..
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Stroll Down the NFL Boulevard Week 13
Stroll down the NFL Boulevard Week 13
Well here we are realizing that the time for old Saint Nick is getting closer, and the days are getting colder and “Leon is getting Larger”. Another big week this week, Questions will be answered, tributes will be made, Passes will be completed, and touchdowns will be scored. So let’s get started. Start the music…
First up we are so glad the NFL network has games on Thursday nights. Since only 33% of the nation can watch the games at home we have to go to a sports bar, and at the Sports bar you can’t here the announcers. The announcers on this telecast are so bad that you get more information but just turning off the sound. The Cowboys favorite play, while Brett Farve was in, was for Farve to drop back get hit by a Cowboy and throw the ball up for an interception. He did that twice before leaving the game with an elbow injury. In comes Aaron Rogers for Green Bay, and he played fine. Tony Romo played better than Rogers and that leads us to this question is anyone going to cover Terrell Owens? 7 catches for 156 yards and another touchdown. Thank goodness we had our popcorn ready. Cowboys win and clinch a playoff spot; Romo becomes the Cowboys season leader in touchdowns thrown with 33 now. Owens tied the Cowboys record for touchdowns receiving at 14, we could keep going but we will stop till another day.
Final Score was Packers 27 Cowboys 37, Wow what a game for the nation to miss.
On to Sunday like always we will start at the bottom, and speaking of the bottom we will talk about the Dolphins and J-E-T-S. The Jets decided to hide from the Dolphins and it worked. The Jets came out in those ugly Grover Blue uniforms. The Dolphins who were expecting to see green were confused and befuddled. How confused were they? Thank you. They were so confused that they didn’t even come out for the second half. Oh someone in Dolphins uniforms ran some plays, but here is how each second half positions ended; Punt, Fumble, Fumble, Interception, Punt, and End of game. Looks like the Super Grover blue uniforms help hide the horrid play of the Jets or maybe it was just the vile play Dolphins. So this has been too long in coming but let us all look to south, way down south to Miami. Our Birth Canal Team of the week is the Dolphins. Maybe the Dolphins should change their Mascot to the Sea Bass, at least then they might be Ill-tempered.
Final Score was Grover 40 the Sea Bass 13 but it was not this close.
We will move north a bit and talk about Carolina and San Francisco. We have told you for weeks that it is very difficult for a team to travel across the country and win. Well San Francisco showed us that again, however we aren’t sure the 49ers can go anywhere and win, except Arizona. It looks like the word of the day, across the NFL, was interception because most everyone went out and threw some. Trent Dilpher threw 4 today with one being returned for a touchdown. Looks like Vinnie’s skills had a resurgence and he scored on a couple touchdown passes, and was 9 of 17 on third downs. Hey Mike Nolan the pressure is off now, at 3 and 9 you aren’t going anywhere but home after the season.
Final Score was 49ers 14 Panthers 31 A’la Vinnie…
We are hopping on a plane and traveling up to Minnesota home of the Viqueens. Well Mr. Adrian Peterson is back in the lineup and proved that he is the next coming of the greatest NFL running back in history. Let’s look at his stats: 15 carries for 116 yards with a long of 28 yards, making is true stats 14 carries for 88 yards. Huh, still a 6.3 yard average. Very nice if we do say so. Hey Jon Kitna we think you are going to have trouble getting to 10 wins since you have to win the rest of your games. That is not very likely, but that is why they play the games. When Detroit scores more than their opponents they win, when they don’t they lose. Quarterback Kitna throws an interception but the Lions still lose. Anyone in the media want to talk about how well the Lions are playing now? 6 and 2 was nice but losing 4 in a row makes you now 6-6 and in a free fall.
Final Score was Viqueens 42 Lions 10. Viqueens win again Oh my God.
From the cold of the north we move down to Saint Louis. Last week we told you how Gus Frerotte hands turn into hoofs and they lost the game. This week his hands were golden, and like King Midas everything he did was gold. Frerotte threw 3 touchdowns and push the Rams out to a 21 nothing lead. The Falcons stormed back. The Falcons stormed back? The Falcons stormed back huh? Well they scored 16 points, okay maybe not stormed but a real heavy mist. Yea that’s the ticket. This is the game that will go down in history as the game that decided the third overall pick in the 2008 draft. Both teams are trying to get out of the season as quickly as possible. Both teams threw 2 interceptions. In a game that was only seen in Atlanta, but who watched it there? This game may have answered the age old question; if a football game is played and nobody watches it, does anyone care?
Final Score was Rams 28 to Falcons 16. We have said it before YUCK.
Okay let’s move across the state where Lance-a-lot Link coach Herm Edwards and his Chiefs played the Chargers. Can we please stop talking about how great the Chiefs are this season? They have lost Larry Johnson, because of over use; their coach doesn’t have faith in a Kicker. And when he talks it looks like he has peanut butter of the roof of his mouth. Wow, the Chiefs Quarterbacks threw 3 interceptions, and were sacked 8 times. Those are not plays that you want to keep calling in a game. Hey Lance-a-Lot Link maybe you should think about calling something else. San Diego showed how they can take control of a game with LaDainian Tomlinson. LT ran for 177 yards on 23 carries, with a long of 34 meaning that his true stats were 22 carries for 152 yards. That is a 6.9 yards per carry, very good in fact. Hey Norv you only have to win a couple more games before the Chargers clinch a playoff spot. Then you can breathe easy and lose in the first round like you are supposed to. Good luck with all that.
Final Score Chargers 24 Chiefs 10 but it really was not that close.
Let’s us now move to the great state of inebriation, Tennessee, home of the Titans. They have been looking to get it going for the last couple of weeks. Guess what? A dose of the Texans is just what they needed. Heck everybody could use a dose of Texan now and then right? Back in 1835 Jim Bowie came to Texas from Tennessee and helped the Texans win their independence from Mexico; well the Houston Texans Matt Schuab has finally returned the favor to Tennessee. Schuab decided that falling under Defensive end Antwan Odom was penitence enough for Bowie’s exploits. After falling under Odom, Schuab was out injured again, can you imagine that? The Texans used Sage Rosenfels again and his bottle is nearly empty, as he is about to go back on the spice rack. Vince Young had a great game 21 of 31 and 2 touchdowns. So the Texans lose again, that is 5 loses out of their last seven, and with out another win in sight it could be a long December in Houston.
Final score was Tennessee 28 Houston 20. But all the Decembers in Houston are long.
Well we now move up and to the right a little and go to Philadelphia. We are not sure who needs a hug worse; Donavan McNabb or Andy Reid’s kids. We were glad to see the Andy Reid finally get an endorsement deal, thanks Subway. What? That is not Andy Reid? But he says “chief”? But we thought he looked so much like…. And you are sure it’s not Andy Reid? Huh, well we guess we should correct our mistake, okay, here you go. Like we have said in the NFL you can’t go across the country and win, and that is exactly what happened to Seattle. What? They won? Seattle won? Well crap we already said that they lost? But that kills our theory? Now you want us to say something about Seattle winning. Okay. Okay. A.J. Feely came to the rescue as Seattle wins the game. Feely was true to his name and used the old “feel your way through the game with your hands, instead of your eyes” He tossed 4 interceptions on the day and turned out to be the best Quarterback Seattle has had since Jim Zorn.
Final Score Seahawks 28 Eagles 20 We sure thought Peter Griffin coached the Eagles.
Well okay looking at the NFL Boulevard we will make a sweeping right hand turn to Washington DC. Okay we know all the emotion happening in Washington because of Sean Taylor, and we just knew that the Buffalo Bills were in for quite a beating. But Washington could not get out of the way of its own coaches so the Bills had a chance. We are reminded of the quote from G. H Lewis, English Psychologist in the 1800’s “The best cure for Grief is Action”. Nice move Def Coordinator Greg Blache when you decided on your own to leave one safety off the field in honor of Taylor. The Bills picked up 22 yards, someone should have told Bills Coach Dick Juron to take it easy on the play. Then the Redskins ran out to a 16 – 5 lead in the third quarter. Only to watch as the Bills kicked field goal after field goal until they were only down by 2 points. That is when the “Big Cheese” took over. The God like coach in Washington, Joe Gibbs, decided to “Ice the kicker” with a time out, a very good move. Joe Gibbs then thought it was such a great move that he patted himself on the back and called another timeout. The Flag was thrown and a penalty was called for unsportsmanlike conduct. The NFL rules state that a team may not call back to back timeouts. This was no way to honor a fallen teammate.
Final Score Bills 17 Redskins 16 oh my!!!
Okay we are going to slide to the left, a little further, now down just a little, a little more okay now back the right just a bit, okay thanks welcome to Indianapolis home of the Colts. We would like to say that Jacksonville showed up and again they were beat by a superior team. Hey if you say it long enough it might become true right? The Jacksonville Jaguars can not beat the Colts unless they score more points than the Colts. Two games this year and the Jaguars have scored 32 points, but the Colts have scored 57, and anyway you add it up 32 is not going to be more than 57, sorry. Well both Quarterbacks threw an interception, (Word of the Day) but Peyton threw 4 touchdowns, Garrard threw only 2 and he needed at least 3.
Final Score Jaguars 25 Colts 28, we thought that this would be entertaining, but it wasn’t.
Okay back up north again, no a little more, back to your right just a bit, great. Let’s talk about the New York Giants and the Chicago Bears. Raise your hand if you knew the Giants were going to win? No, no you put your hand down. You believed in the Bears. Okay let us say this again. The Bears win a game and then lose a game. What did the Bears do last week against Denver? Don’t look back, they won. Which means? They lose this week, right? Okay so the Giants were going to win right? Imagine that the Giants had driven twice in the fourth Quarter to win against that vaunted Bear defense. Well we saw it, and like we said the Bears were going to lose. Even “Ellie” Manning could have lead the Giants down the field. Huh, yes he did? Huh, yea right that is what we meant to say Ellie Manning lead two touchdown drives in the fourth quarter, and the Giants win. Well up and down is not just for the Bears any more. In the last four games the Giants are 2 and 2.
Final Score was Giants 21 Da Bears 16. Is Tom Coughlin always this confused?
Well we have decided to move left down the Boulevard and just keep going till you get to water, then turn left and south till you get to…. Okay that is it right there. Hey Denver what did you think would happen if the score got to 20 to 34 that you would make the dramatic comeback like the Bears did last week? Well you were playing the Surging Oakland Raiders. The surging Oakland Raiders? Yes, two in a row is surging. Okay Huggy bear is running like he is about to get a whopping from his grandmother. But still no stats for Starsky or Hutch, but Oakland quarterbacks McCown, and Russell three 3 touchdowns and Denver Quarterback Cutler threw 2 interceptions. Good Lord Denver is playing like a bunch of Mr. Ed’s not Bronco’s. Al Davis has shed the velour sweat suits so Raiders Win.
Final Score was Broncos 20 Raiders 34 Hey Mr. Davis please put something on. You look like Mr. Burns.
Okay heading back East okay that is good, now south, no a little more okay back to the west. Come on Ari-Freaking-zona. Damn-it dude get it together. Are you ready? Okay. Sorry. Well we guessed that when we jumped on the band wagon it caused the Axle to break. For that we are truly sorry. Oh Romeo why? Why did you not have your team ready to play? We guess that our theory holds true. You can’t travel across the country and win unless you are playing in Philadelphia. Well the Cardinals played well enough to win. Okay now we just threw up in our mouths. Get me some Pepto-Bismol quick. Okay that is better. This game was like watching an “ABC after School Special”. A whole lot of hype not much substance. Both quarterbacks threw at least 1 interception and Derek Anderson threw 2, which was too much for the Browns to overcome. I am still trying to get on the band wagon but you will need to get us seats with “Corinthian Leather” and better shocks dude. Oh and the last play should have never happened. Browns you were too good to lose this way.
Score ended Cleveland 21 Ari-freaking-zona 27, what a waste.
Well now here’s something we hope you’ll really enjoy. Moving eastward to New Orleans, if we have to watch that stupid commercial one more time of Scat man Caruthers singing when the Saints come march in, we think we will just throw the TV out the window. Where are they marching to, the Sewer or down town? (Actually that is the same answer isn’t it). Okay let’s dig right into the stats. REG-GIE had 13 carries for 64 yards, with a long of 14, not bad. That makes his true stats 12 carries for 50 yards. Yep that is more than 4 yards per carry not bad. Now let’s look at the receiving numbers 3 catches for 13 yards, with a long of 13 yards. Huh, a long of 13 yards. Well that makes his true stats 2 catches for 0 yards. We just giggled. REG-GIE had 2 fumbles and 0 yards receiving, sorry we just giggled a little more. With 14 seconds left Luke McCown threw a touchdown pass to win the game. Jeff Garcia who did not play was heard saying after the game “Oh when the Saints go Buccan down, oh when the Saints go Buccan down. How I want to in the game when the Saints go Buccan down.” Sung to the theme of Saints go marching in)
Buccan score was Tampa Bay 27 Saints 23.
Well let’s turn back up north, way up north, now turn right, okay sweep down below the great Lakes. You are now in Pittsburg, and we ARE sorry for you. What can we say about the swampland that they played in? We thought that there was going to be a repeat of the game this past Monday night, it was raining, it was cold, and the Steelers were playing at home. But luckily the field held up. The Bengals however were a different story. We find it hard to believe that this was the best match up that NBC could find. Poor play is one thing, but this was ridiculous. This game should have been cancelled like the cartoon “Thunder cats” How many times must we be subjected to the Bengals and their uninspired efforts? They don’t even have excuses for their play this time. Our evidence Carson Palmer said: “We kept getting good field position… and we couldn’t do anything with it.” You think? Hey Carson how about you mix in a completion? You were 17 of 44. Let’s look at that. For every quarter you threw an average of 11 passes and on average just over 4 we caught. You have got to kidding us. We have seen more catches on an Ice fishing show.
Final Score was Bengals 10 and the Steelers 24. Hey NBC are you living on Fantasy Island?
And now we stroll to the east in a somewhat southern direction to just north of our nations Capitol, which is the Home of the Baltimore Ravens. We feel that everyone is rooting for the Patriots to get beat, and on Monday night it looked very possible, a great coach once told us that in Football when something works keep doing it until they other team stops you. That was the case on Monday night. The Ravens balled up their collective fists and punched the Sith Lord in his mouth. It worked, Belichick got his mouth all bloodied, but he didn’t do anything about it. He just sat and waited for the Ravens to make a mistake. Tom Brady looked more like Tom Slick out on the field, and we know how to stop him. Pressure, Pressure, Pressure. Old Tommy Boy is not to keen on taking a hit, but who would be? When the Ravens pressured him his throws were not so accurate. Funny how that works out huh? Then mid way thru the fourth quarter for some strange reason Baltimore started to rush 3 and drop 8 into coverage. That is something that the Ravens had not done all night and Tom Brady picked them apart. It was like watching some crazy make out scene with Alice and Sam the Butcher. Yuck. And the injustice of all injustices is when your coach quits on you. We can only attribute it to all the bickering going back and forth between the defense and the head coach. On Fourth and 1 ½ the Patriots are going for it and Brady is stuffed, then an official come running in from the Raven sideline and said that the sideline had called a timeout. Talk about a punch in the gut. The bottom line is the Sith Lord used some Jedi mind tricks on the referees and the Pats win again. Damn it the Pats win again.
Final Score the Empire 27 the Ravens 24. Even R2-D2 says!@#$%#$#%#@
Well we hope that you have enjoyed this stroll as much as we have putting it together. With only 4 weeks left there is still time to fall and time to rise. We think we know what is going to happen. So with that, we would like to leave you with this:
Sunny day, sweepin' the clouds away, On my way to where the air is sweet, Can you tell me how to get, How to get to Sesame Street?"
This Memory was brought to you by the letters F and O
And the number 3.
The same number of licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll lollypop.
And like we always say…….
Well here we are realizing that the time for old Saint Nick is getting closer, and the days are getting colder and “Leon is getting Larger”. Another big week this week, Questions will be answered, tributes will be made, Passes will be completed, and touchdowns will be scored. So let’s get started. Start the music…
First up we are so glad the NFL network has games on Thursday nights. Since only 33% of the nation can watch the games at home we have to go to a sports bar, and at the Sports bar you can’t here the announcers. The announcers on this telecast are so bad that you get more information but just turning off the sound. The Cowboys favorite play, while Brett Farve was in, was for Farve to drop back get hit by a Cowboy and throw the ball up for an interception. He did that twice before leaving the game with an elbow injury. In comes Aaron Rogers for Green Bay, and he played fine. Tony Romo played better than Rogers and that leads us to this question is anyone going to cover Terrell Owens? 7 catches for 156 yards and another touchdown. Thank goodness we had our popcorn ready. Cowboys win and clinch a playoff spot; Romo becomes the Cowboys season leader in touchdowns thrown with 33 now. Owens tied the Cowboys record for touchdowns receiving at 14, we could keep going but we will stop till another day.
Final Score was Packers 27 Cowboys 37, Wow what a game for the nation to miss.
On to Sunday like always we will start at the bottom, and speaking of the bottom we will talk about the Dolphins and J-E-T-S. The Jets decided to hide from the Dolphins and it worked. The Jets came out in those ugly Grover Blue uniforms. The Dolphins who were expecting to see green were confused and befuddled. How confused were they? Thank you. They were so confused that they didn’t even come out for the second half. Oh someone in Dolphins uniforms ran some plays, but here is how each second half positions ended; Punt, Fumble, Fumble, Interception, Punt, and End of game. Looks like the Super Grover blue uniforms help hide the horrid play of the Jets or maybe it was just the vile play Dolphins. So this has been too long in coming but let us all look to south, way down south to Miami. Our Birth Canal Team of the week is the Dolphins. Maybe the Dolphins should change their Mascot to the Sea Bass, at least then they might be Ill-tempered.
Final Score was Grover 40 the Sea Bass 13 but it was not this close.
We will move north a bit and talk about Carolina and San Francisco. We have told you for weeks that it is very difficult for a team to travel across the country and win. Well San Francisco showed us that again, however we aren’t sure the 49ers can go anywhere and win, except Arizona. It looks like the word of the day, across the NFL, was interception because most everyone went out and threw some. Trent Dilpher threw 4 today with one being returned for a touchdown. Looks like Vinnie’s skills had a resurgence and he scored on a couple touchdown passes, and was 9 of 17 on third downs. Hey Mike Nolan the pressure is off now, at 3 and 9 you aren’t going anywhere but home after the season.
Final Score was 49ers 14 Panthers 31 A’la Vinnie…
We are hopping on a plane and traveling up to Minnesota home of the Viqueens. Well Mr. Adrian Peterson is back in the lineup and proved that he is the next coming of the greatest NFL running back in history. Let’s look at his stats: 15 carries for 116 yards with a long of 28 yards, making is true stats 14 carries for 88 yards. Huh, still a 6.3 yard average. Very nice if we do say so. Hey Jon Kitna we think you are going to have trouble getting to 10 wins since you have to win the rest of your games. That is not very likely, but that is why they play the games. When Detroit scores more than their opponents they win, when they don’t they lose. Quarterback Kitna throws an interception but the Lions still lose. Anyone in the media want to talk about how well the Lions are playing now? 6 and 2 was nice but losing 4 in a row makes you now 6-6 and in a free fall.
Final Score was Viqueens 42 Lions 10. Viqueens win again Oh my God.
From the cold of the north we move down to Saint Louis. Last week we told you how Gus Frerotte hands turn into hoofs and they lost the game. This week his hands were golden, and like King Midas everything he did was gold. Frerotte threw 3 touchdowns and push the Rams out to a 21 nothing lead. The Falcons stormed back. The Falcons stormed back? The Falcons stormed back huh? Well they scored 16 points, okay maybe not stormed but a real heavy mist. Yea that’s the ticket. This is the game that will go down in history as the game that decided the third overall pick in the 2008 draft. Both teams are trying to get out of the season as quickly as possible. Both teams threw 2 interceptions. In a game that was only seen in Atlanta, but who watched it there? This game may have answered the age old question; if a football game is played and nobody watches it, does anyone care?
Final Score was Rams 28 to Falcons 16. We have said it before YUCK.
Okay let’s move across the state where Lance-a-lot Link coach Herm Edwards and his Chiefs played the Chargers. Can we please stop talking about how great the Chiefs are this season? They have lost Larry Johnson, because of over use; their coach doesn’t have faith in a Kicker. And when he talks it looks like he has peanut butter of the roof of his mouth. Wow, the Chiefs Quarterbacks threw 3 interceptions, and were sacked 8 times. Those are not plays that you want to keep calling in a game. Hey Lance-a-Lot Link maybe you should think about calling something else. San Diego showed how they can take control of a game with LaDainian Tomlinson. LT ran for 177 yards on 23 carries, with a long of 34 meaning that his true stats were 22 carries for 152 yards. That is a 6.9 yards per carry, very good in fact. Hey Norv you only have to win a couple more games before the Chargers clinch a playoff spot. Then you can breathe easy and lose in the first round like you are supposed to. Good luck with all that.
Final Score Chargers 24 Chiefs 10 but it really was not that close.
Let’s us now move to the great state of inebriation, Tennessee, home of the Titans. They have been looking to get it going for the last couple of weeks. Guess what? A dose of the Texans is just what they needed. Heck everybody could use a dose of Texan now and then right? Back in 1835 Jim Bowie came to Texas from Tennessee and helped the Texans win their independence from Mexico; well the Houston Texans Matt Schuab has finally returned the favor to Tennessee. Schuab decided that falling under Defensive end Antwan Odom was penitence enough for Bowie’s exploits. After falling under Odom, Schuab was out injured again, can you imagine that? The Texans used Sage Rosenfels again and his bottle is nearly empty, as he is about to go back on the spice rack. Vince Young had a great game 21 of 31 and 2 touchdowns. So the Texans lose again, that is 5 loses out of their last seven, and with out another win in sight it could be a long December in Houston.
Final score was Tennessee 28 Houston 20. But all the Decembers in Houston are long.
Well we now move up and to the right a little and go to Philadelphia. We are not sure who needs a hug worse; Donavan McNabb or Andy Reid’s kids. We were glad to see the Andy Reid finally get an endorsement deal, thanks Subway. What? That is not Andy Reid? But he says “chief”? But we thought he looked so much like…. And you are sure it’s not Andy Reid? Huh, well we guess we should correct our mistake, okay, here you go. Like we have said in the NFL you can’t go across the country and win, and that is exactly what happened to Seattle. What? They won? Seattle won? Well crap we already said that they lost? But that kills our theory? Now you want us to say something about Seattle winning. Okay. Okay. A.J. Feely came to the rescue as Seattle wins the game. Feely was true to his name and used the old “feel your way through the game with your hands, instead of your eyes” He tossed 4 interceptions on the day and turned out to be the best Quarterback Seattle has had since Jim Zorn.
Final Score Seahawks 28 Eagles 20 We sure thought Peter Griffin coached the Eagles.
Well okay looking at the NFL Boulevard we will make a sweeping right hand turn to Washington DC. Okay we know all the emotion happening in Washington because of Sean Taylor, and we just knew that the Buffalo Bills were in for quite a beating. But Washington could not get out of the way of its own coaches so the Bills had a chance. We are reminded of the quote from G. H Lewis, English Psychologist in the 1800’s “The best cure for Grief is Action”. Nice move Def Coordinator Greg Blache when you decided on your own to leave one safety off the field in honor of Taylor. The Bills picked up 22 yards, someone should have told Bills Coach Dick Juron to take it easy on the play. Then the Redskins ran out to a 16 – 5 lead in the third quarter. Only to watch as the Bills kicked field goal after field goal until they were only down by 2 points. That is when the “Big Cheese” took over. The God like coach in Washington, Joe Gibbs, decided to “Ice the kicker” with a time out, a very good move. Joe Gibbs then thought it was such a great move that he patted himself on the back and called another timeout. The Flag was thrown and a penalty was called for unsportsmanlike conduct. The NFL rules state that a team may not call back to back timeouts. This was no way to honor a fallen teammate.
Final Score Bills 17 Redskins 16 oh my!!!
Okay we are going to slide to the left, a little further, now down just a little, a little more okay now back the right just a bit, okay thanks welcome to Indianapolis home of the Colts. We would like to say that Jacksonville showed up and again they were beat by a superior team. Hey if you say it long enough it might become true right? The Jacksonville Jaguars can not beat the Colts unless they score more points than the Colts. Two games this year and the Jaguars have scored 32 points, but the Colts have scored 57, and anyway you add it up 32 is not going to be more than 57, sorry. Well both Quarterbacks threw an interception, (Word of the Day) but Peyton threw 4 touchdowns, Garrard threw only 2 and he needed at least 3.
Final Score Jaguars 25 Colts 28, we thought that this would be entertaining, but it wasn’t.
Okay back up north again, no a little more, back to your right just a bit, great. Let’s talk about the New York Giants and the Chicago Bears. Raise your hand if you knew the Giants were going to win? No, no you put your hand down. You believed in the Bears. Okay let us say this again. The Bears win a game and then lose a game. What did the Bears do last week against Denver? Don’t look back, they won. Which means? They lose this week, right? Okay so the Giants were going to win right? Imagine that the Giants had driven twice in the fourth Quarter to win against that vaunted Bear defense. Well we saw it, and like we said the Bears were going to lose. Even “Ellie” Manning could have lead the Giants down the field. Huh, yes he did? Huh, yea right that is what we meant to say Ellie Manning lead two touchdown drives in the fourth quarter, and the Giants win. Well up and down is not just for the Bears any more. In the last four games the Giants are 2 and 2.
Final Score was Giants 21 Da Bears 16. Is Tom Coughlin always this confused?
Well we have decided to move left down the Boulevard and just keep going till you get to water, then turn left and south till you get to…. Okay that is it right there. Hey Denver what did you think would happen if the score got to 20 to 34 that you would make the dramatic comeback like the Bears did last week? Well you were playing the Surging Oakland Raiders. The surging Oakland Raiders? Yes, two in a row is surging. Okay Huggy bear is running like he is about to get a whopping from his grandmother. But still no stats for Starsky or Hutch, but Oakland quarterbacks McCown, and Russell three 3 touchdowns and Denver Quarterback Cutler threw 2 interceptions. Good Lord Denver is playing like a bunch of Mr. Ed’s not Bronco’s. Al Davis has shed the velour sweat suits so Raiders Win.
Final Score was Broncos 20 Raiders 34 Hey Mr. Davis please put something on. You look like Mr. Burns.
Okay heading back East okay that is good, now south, no a little more okay back to the west. Come on Ari-Freaking-zona. Damn-it dude get it together. Are you ready? Okay. Sorry. Well we guessed that when we jumped on the band wagon it caused the Axle to break. For that we are truly sorry. Oh Romeo why? Why did you not have your team ready to play? We guess that our theory holds true. You can’t travel across the country and win unless you are playing in Philadelphia. Well the Cardinals played well enough to win. Okay now we just threw up in our mouths. Get me some Pepto-Bismol quick. Okay that is better. This game was like watching an “ABC after School Special”. A whole lot of hype not much substance. Both quarterbacks threw at least 1 interception and Derek Anderson threw 2, which was too much for the Browns to overcome. I am still trying to get on the band wagon but you will need to get us seats with “Corinthian Leather” and better shocks dude. Oh and the last play should have never happened. Browns you were too good to lose this way.
Score ended Cleveland 21 Ari-freaking-zona 27, what a waste.
Well now here’s something we hope you’ll really enjoy. Moving eastward to New Orleans, if we have to watch that stupid commercial one more time of Scat man Caruthers singing when the Saints come march in, we think we will just throw the TV out the window. Where are they marching to, the Sewer or down town? (Actually that is the same answer isn’t it). Okay let’s dig right into the stats. REG-GIE had 13 carries for 64 yards, with a long of 14, not bad. That makes his true stats 12 carries for 50 yards. Yep that is more than 4 yards per carry not bad. Now let’s look at the receiving numbers 3 catches for 13 yards, with a long of 13 yards. Huh, a long of 13 yards. Well that makes his true stats 2 catches for 0 yards. We just giggled. REG-GIE had 2 fumbles and 0 yards receiving, sorry we just giggled a little more. With 14 seconds left Luke McCown threw a touchdown pass to win the game. Jeff Garcia who did not play was heard saying after the game “Oh when the Saints go Buccan down, oh when the Saints go Buccan down. How I want to in the game when the Saints go Buccan down.” Sung to the theme of Saints go marching in)
Buccan score was Tampa Bay 27 Saints 23.
Well let’s turn back up north, way up north, now turn right, okay sweep down below the great Lakes. You are now in Pittsburg, and we ARE sorry for you. What can we say about the swampland that they played in? We thought that there was going to be a repeat of the game this past Monday night, it was raining, it was cold, and the Steelers were playing at home. But luckily the field held up. The Bengals however were a different story. We find it hard to believe that this was the best match up that NBC could find. Poor play is one thing, but this was ridiculous. This game should have been cancelled like the cartoon “Thunder cats” How many times must we be subjected to the Bengals and their uninspired efforts? They don’t even have excuses for their play this time. Our evidence Carson Palmer said: “We kept getting good field position… and we couldn’t do anything with it.” You think? Hey Carson how about you mix in a completion? You were 17 of 44. Let’s look at that. For every quarter you threw an average of 11 passes and on average just over 4 we caught. You have got to kidding us. We have seen more catches on an Ice fishing show.
Final Score was Bengals 10 and the Steelers 24. Hey NBC are you living on Fantasy Island?
And now we stroll to the east in a somewhat southern direction to just north of our nations Capitol, which is the Home of the Baltimore Ravens. We feel that everyone is rooting for the Patriots to get beat, and on Monday night it looked very possible, a great coach once told us that in Football when something works keep doing it until they other team stops you. That was the case on Monday night. The Ravens balled up their collective fists and punched the Sith Lord in his mouth. It worked, Belichick got his mouth all bloodied, but he didn’t do anything about it. He just sat and waited for the Ravens to make a mistake. Tom Brady looked more like Tom Slick out on the field, and we know how to stop him. Pressure, Pressure, Pressure. Old Tommy Boy is not to keen on taking a hit, but who would be? When the Ravens pressured him his throws were not so accurate. Funny how that works out huh? Then mid way thru the fourth quarter for some strange reason Baltimore started to rush 3 and drop 8 into coverage. That is something that the Ravens had not done all night and Tom Brady picked them apart. It was like watching some crazy make out scene with Alice and Sam the Butcher. Yuck. And the injustice of all injustices is when your coach quits on you. We can only attribute it to all the bickering going back and forth between the defense and the head coach. On Fourth and 1 ½ the Patriots are going for it and Brady is stuffed, then an official come running in from the Raven sideline and said that the sideline had called a timeout. Talk about a punch in the gut. The bottom line is the Sith Lord used some Jedi mind tricks on the referees and the Pats win again. Damn it the Pats win again.
Final Score the Empire 27 the Ravens 24. Even R2-D2 says!@#$%#$#%#@
Well we hope that you have enjoyed this stroll as much as we have putting it together. With only 4 weeks left there is still time to fall and time to rise. We think we know what is going to happen. So with that, we would like to leave you with this:
Sunny day, sweepin' the clouds away, On my way to where the air is sweet, Can you tell me how to get, How to get to Sesame Street?"
This Memory was brought to you by the letters F and O
And the number 3.
The same number of licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll lollypop.
And like we always say…….
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